It Will Be As If I'd Never Existed
by pattyrose
Summary: It's been over 4 years since Edward left. Bella's tried to move on. She's about to graduate college and go on with life, when a weekend trip brings her face to face with her past. What results will either lead to tragedy or finally, to her happiness. ExB
1. Ch1 As if He'd Never Existed

A/N: Hi Everyone. This is my first story! I hope some of you like it. I've got a few chapters written out so far, but I have most of the story figured out in my head already. If you guys like it, I'll continue it. Please leave me reviews and let me know. I'll post the first four chapters and then I'll wait and see if you guys want more. Enjoy!

Of course, Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters, lucky her.

And finally, I'd like to thank my sister Sammy for reviewing this for me and telling me it's good enough to post here!

**Chapter 1** – It Will Be As If I'd Never Existed

"_It will be as if I'd never existed."_

Four years. Sometimes it was hard to believe it had been 4 years since I'd heard that, since the last time I'd seen his beautiful, perfect face; as distorted by cold, unfeeling eyes as it had been that day. Four years since I'd been thrown into this incomplete existence. Four years since my insides had been ripped and torn to shreds; a hole as wide as the Amazon River replacing what had once been my heart, my lungs and my soul.

"_It will be as if I'd never existed."_

What a stupid promise it had sounded like to me those first few months after he left. As if I could ever forget he'd existed. As if taking himself away, as well as those few precious momentos I'd collected of him, would erase him from my heart and my mind. Just because that was all it would take for him to forget me didn't mean it would be the same the other way around. Everywhere I looked those first few months I saw him. In school, the absence of him in almost every class I had was a constant reminder of him. At work, the Camping section of Newton's store was a constant reminder of his family's hunting charades. My car, my old battered red Chevy he'd hated, reminded me of him every time I tried to push it past 55 mph. He'd hated its crawl of a pace. The woods would remind me of him. We'd spent so much of our time, running and playing, laughing freely as he'd run us to our meadow, our own little private Eden (or so I thought of it then) in the middle of the rainy gloom that was Forks, the little town we lived in. Everywhere I turned, I'd see him.

But worst of all had been my room, which for all intents and purposes should have been my sanctuary. The one place where I should have been able to run and hide and feel safe. All those months of torture and misery, where I constantly felt as if I'd been kicked in the gut repeatedly were made worse once I entered my room. For there lay the greatest reminder of him. My small bed.

Not that our relationship had ever reached _that_ physical point. No, it was never like that. For all my attempts, we'd never made it past chaste kisses and the occasional tight embrace where I could feel my body pressing up so close to his that I couldn't tell where my own ended and his began.

Those were some kisses though… His lips on mine so tenderly, so lovingly, that as cold as they were, the heat they brought to me was akin to the most intense heat wave I'd ever experienced. He'd pull me so close to him and whisper words of undying love, singing me my lullaby as I drifted off into peaceful oblivion in his arms; promising me he'd love me forever and making vows he'd never meant to keep.

He'd told me that his physical boundaries to our relationship were meant to keep me safe. Safe from his unbelievable strength, which could've crushed my bones in an instant had he not been constantly on guard when he held me. Safe from the venom coursing through every vein in his body, which, although not a tragedy in my eyes, had the power to turn me into one of them, something to which he was vehemently opposed. He'd argued it was for the sake of my humanity.

Lying alone in my room those months after his departure, I'd come to the conclusion that the physical boundaries had just been proof of how little interest I'd held for him. I'd been a curiosity, a distraction to his endless days and nights, but not enough of one for him to want to keep around forever. So the physical boundaries had just been to ensure that he never made a mistake making it necessary for him to keep me.

These memories had been my worst torture in those months. I'd cry myself to sleep quietly, not wanting to wake or worry Charlie, who slept down the hall. He was, of course, not oblivious to the hell I was going through in my room. The nightmares and screaming would come in the middle of the night and inevitably wake him up.

While awake at least, I tried to suffer in silence, because I didn't want to worry Charlie any more than he already was. I didn't call any friends at first, I didn't want them to try to pull me out of my misery. I wasn't ready to let go.

"_It will be as if I'd never existed."_

At some point a couple of years later, I'd caught myself wondering, _had _he really existed? Was it possible that I'd experienced that kind of love and joy once? Did that kind of all encompassing bliss really exist, or had my mind just conjured it all up one day as I read one of my Jane Austen novels, replacing myself as the heroin and creating a fictional hero of my own? He couldn't have been real; he'd been too perfect. True, my hero was a vampire, which naturally made the whole fairy tale ending a bit harder to imagine. But the unbelievable joy I'd felt for those months we were together had to have been too good to be true, to be real. And so I must've imagined it, he couldn't have existed, because in real life, outside of Victorian Era England, that kind of love could not exist.

Then there was the matter of his beauty. His amazing, angelic beauty could not have been of this world. His locks were a rare mix never before and never since seen, neither brown nor red, but something in between. Bronze. His eyes alternated between beautiful deep amber, which somehow perfectly matched his hair, to the deepest black imaginable, depending on his thirst.

His lips were so perfectly shaped that I could only stare at them like a deer in headlights whenever he spoke to me, wondering what good deed I'd ever done in life to deserve having those perfect lips touch mine so tenderly every day. And his marble body…

True, I'd never really gotten to see much more of it than what any other Joe Schmoe walking down the street would have (except of course, for that glorious day in the meadow when he'd shown me what he looked like in the sun), but I'd _felt_ it. I'd felt him as his body pressed up against mine during one of our embraces, and I could feel every line of him then, as my hands would roam carefully down his broad shoulders, to his muscular arms, and come to a shy but breathtaking stop at his impeccable abs, strong and hard.

_No, he could not have been real_, I'd thought that day. Such a perfect specimen of a man was not meant to roam amongst mere mortals, and was definitely not meant to waste his time with one of its least interesting units, so the answer had been no, I must've made him up.

But then I thought…had he really been _that_ perfect?

_Sure, heck yes!_ my memory of his physique had screamed! Well, then how about on the inside? Had his outside beauty been matched by equal beauty on the inside? Were his heart and soul (for I still believed without a doubt that he'd had a soul) as pure and lovely as were his outside features? My heart wanted to scream Y_es, yes they were_! I could remember every time he'd saved me, from Tyler's truck, to the day in Port Angeles, the incident with James, and of course, from his own brother. Surely someone capable of that had to be pure and lovely on the inside also. If my imagination was able to invent a fictional hero so perfect on the outside, wouldn't it have also transcended to his inside?

That was when my mind had thrown those dreaded words back at me.

"_I don't want you to come with me"_

"_I'm not human, and I'm tired of pretending I am"_

"_Bella, you're not good for me"_

"_It will be as if I'd never existed"_

Oh. He wasn't perfect; close, but no cigar.

Then why did my mind make up such an irresolute fictional hero?

Moreover, I'd then remembered that there was other physical proof to his existence. There had once been a Dr. Cullen working in Forks Hospital. There were records of that. There had once been 5 unbelievably beautiful students by the surnames Cullen and Hale who attended Forks High School. There had to be records of that too. Other people besides me had seen and known them, and they had interacted, although very little, in the worlds of other people in this dreary town. It hadn't been for long, but they had been here; I hadn't been the only one who saw them.

And so there was my answer. As hard as it was becoming by then, a couple of years later, to believe it had all been real, and although it may have been easier to convince myself that he hadn't existed, that I'd never known that kind of love, that that kind of passion had never existed, I knew. First, I'd never been imaginative enough to be able to make someone like him up. Second, and most importantly, he hadn't been perfect, not really. He'd turned out to be just a typical, confused (although slightly stronger and more resilient) 17 year old kid, capable of loving and leaving, just like any other self-absorbed and self-obsessed teenage boy, except trapped in a 100+ year old perfect body. It was little consolation that this knowledge did nothing to change _my_ feelings for him.

So yes, while he had existed, and we had once had a fairy tale love, that fairy tale had ended. My prince had turned into a frog, instead of the other way around. He'd dumped me unceremoniously and with no better reason than I had failed at being a distraction. Truth be told, he'd probably also gotten tired of my unintended but constant damsel in distress routine. No happily ever after for my romance novel.

So here I was, over four years later. Living the human experiences he'd once claimed he hadn't wanted to take away from me. The truth was, after that first year or so, things had gotten easier, if not better. I'd more or less pulled myself together, with some help of course (thank God for Jacob), accepted my fate, and gotten on with it, so to speak. But even four years later, having had enough time to think everything through, knowing I'd never been enough for him, I couldn't bring myself to deny one true fact to myself: _I_ would always love Edward Cullen.

Mr. Everett, my Literature professor, pulled me out of my dangerous walk through the past.

"Ms. Swan, what are your thoughts on Dante's perception of the 7 layers of Hades?"

Instantly, I responded with an answer I knew would show that although lost in a fog of my own memories, I knew the material well. I was a good student. 3.9 GPA, the result of barely a social life outside of Jacob and a couple of friends, which suited me just fine. I'd never been much of a social butterfly. In a little over a month I'd be graduating at the top 5% of my class.

"Very well thought out answer," Mr. Everett complimented me, but I knew it was time to break myself out of my reverie.

This was dangerous territory I'd been treading, and one in which I seldom let myself wander, at least while awake. I could already feel the rips and tears starting in my middle, and my arms instinctively came around my torso, as if to prevent any more damage, protecting myself from the physical pain my useless memories could cause. Four years later, this was still my reaction when I'd allow myself to remember. I'd pulled myself out of my own layers of Hades in the past few years, and it was by avoiding the very trips down memory hell in which I was now indulging. I was not bitter. Bitter was too harsh a word. I did not begrudge Edward Cullen his happiness, as far away from me as that had taken him. I truly wished he was happy wherever and whatever he was doing now. How could you not wish happiness to someone who would always occupy your heart? But I couldn't deny the fact that his need for distractions from an immortal and timeless existence had come at the expense of my very human heart.

It was time to come back to the present. The present now consisted of plans and preparations for my commencement next month. I was finally graduating from the City University of Seattle, at their Port Angeles Campus, after 4 long years. I'd started trekking my truck up to Port Angeles 4 times a week for classes 4 years ago, but when the Chevy had finally given up and died a year later, I'd bought a little Beetle, new enough to be able to make the trip into Port Angeles almost every day, but old enough so that it didn't break my bank account (although it did put a significant dent in it for a time).

I'd been working at Newton's for a few years now. When Mike had gone away to college, his parents had given me more responsibility, and many more hours. Which worked out fine; I needed the money and the distraction. I worked and went to classes, and spent most of my time in between with Jake.

My Beetle probably wasn't as safe for me as my truck had been, but I'd figured, what the heck. With all the close calls I'd had in the past few years, I was due for some good luck. The car had served me well so far, it hadn't broken down once in 3 years.

Going to college also turned out to be a very helpful distraction. And after graduation, I'd be taking a big leap with my life, as well as my little bank account. I was opening up my own book store. The literary pickings in Forks had always been slim, to my chagrin, and I'd decided a few months ago that I would be the one to change that. I was going to bring an expansion of the mind, so to speak, to Forks. I'd already found a store in the same strip mall which housed Newton's, and between myself, Charlie and a little help from Renee, I'd managed to scrape up enough for the required rent and initial purchase of merchandise for the store. I'd be spending the summer putting it together, painting, organizing, planning and beautifying. It was exciting and more than a little scary. I wouldn't have much competition here in town, that was for sure, but it remained to be seen whether the townsfolk would find a little bookstore interesting enough to forsake the trip to Port Angeles for their literary needs.

Charlie, Renee and Jacob for that matter, were practically busting buttons off of their heavy raincoats with the pride that was swimming inside them. Charlie especially was overjoyed at the thought that I'd come so far in the past few years, from the shy, self-conscious and pained teenager that had entered as a freshmen, to the seemingly self-possessed and strong young woman graduating with a B.S. in General Studies, at the top of her class, ready to take on the world (or at the very least, a little bookstore in the State of Washington). Yes, to say Charlie was busting a gut was an understatement.

"Bella, call your mom right away, she's called 4 times already," Charlie called out to me from the kitchen as I got home from class.

"Sure, sure", I responded, as I dragged my feet up the stairs to my room, feeling an incredible amount of brain drain from last minute study sessions for upcoming finals. Mathematics, Literature, The Rise and Fall of Western Civilization…blah, blah, blah.

The phone startled me out of my slow crawl, ringing just as I entered my room. Renee was never known for her patience, and if she had something she wanted to share with me, she'd keep calling until Kingdom come.

"Yes mom, I got your message, but I just walked in." I spoke into the phone without bothering to check the caller ID to see who it was.

"Bells, hon, it's me," said the voice on the other line. Immediately, I relaxed as I kicked my Converse off and threw myself on my bed, spreading out on it like a big paint splatter.

"Hey Jake, sorry I thought it was Renee, she's been hounding me all day," I said, while picturing Jacob on the other line, sitting in his garage, his big body under the hood of a car fixing someone's transmission, or under a car, replacing a muffler. Jake's garage was a sanctuary to both of us. It was the one place where we could both let loose and just be ourselves.

"Well, just calling to see how your day went. I know you've been stressed out lately with upcoming finals and graduation and everything. You want me to let you go so you can call your mom, and I'll call you back later?"

It was funny how Jake knew that until I spoke to Renee, I wouldn't be able to relax. Knowing she was going to keep hounding me until she tracked me down was going to keep gnawing on me, so yes, it would be better to just get that over with.

"Thanks Jake, I'll call you right back, okay?"

"No problem Bells, I'll speak to you in a few. Love you".

"Love you too Jake", I said, as I hung up the phone and started dialing Renee. I did love Jake. He'd been my rock, my salvation, in more ways than one, for years now. I knew him like I knew the back of my hand, and he knew me the same. It had been easy, easier than I'd thought, to let myself be with Jake. At first, it had been more of a base need to have him hold me up, to keep me from drowning, that had pulled me to Jake. He was warm, he was strong, and he knew that I wasn't whole. He knew all my imperfections, yet he still wanted me. He was willing to pick up the pieces that were left of me and take whatever I had left to give, take what another hadn't wanted. But eventually, Jake and I had morphed into something else, something real. My love for him wasn't the all encompassing love I'd once felt for another, it wasn't the goosebump-raising, take-my breath-away kind of passion I'd once felt; it was different. It was quiet, it was peaceful and it was there.

Okay, so not exactly the words to inspire a great love novel, but who ever said great love novels were real? Mr. Darcy never really picked Elizabeth, Edward (I winced at just the thought of the name) Ferrars never picked Elinor Dashwood, and Romeo never really killed himself for Juliet. They were all fictional characters. Jake and I, on the other hand, were real. I wasn't an impressionable teenager anymore who believed in fairy tales. I was a woman now, and Jake, for all his sweet immaturity - which both endeared me and irked me at times - was a man, who loved me and who was there for me when I needed him. I was thankful for Jake, he was easy to love. It was enough.

"Bella, honey, I've been calling and calling. Why haven't you called me back?" my mom answered the phone.

The greeting made me smile, despite myself. Renee, for all her perceptiveness, could also be clueless at times. She knew very well that I'd worked today, had classes, and she knew what time of year it was. Going to class, to work and then studying was all I'd been doing for the past few weeks. I'd barely had time to see Jake lately, or make my nightly phone calls to my mom, before passing out in a dead slumber on my bed, only to wake up and repeat the same routine again.

"I just walked in mom, classes remember? And I am calling you back now," I said, without any hint of frustration in my voice. For all my mom's querks, she was my best girl friend. I tried not to remember that I'd once had another girlfriend who, although just as querky, had been one of the truest friends I'd ever had. These days I had few friends, but none that came anywhere near being that close. Jacob, my Jacob, had become my love and my one true friend.

"Oh, that's right. Well, I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to keep pestering you, but I've got the best news and I've been dying to tell you!"

"What is it?" I asked, wondering what had gotten my mom in such a state now. She wasn't difficult to excite, so I imagined it could be anything from Phil's team finally winning a game this season to her hitting the Mega Millions jackpot.

"Well, I was going to wait to surprise you until after graduation next month, but Phil's game was moved up to next weekend and so I had to move our plans up a bit..

I wasn't following the conversation very well. I was waiting for her to get to the punchline, while at the same time trying to decide something quick to make for dinner for Charlie and I. I wanted to make some time to go see Jake down at La Push before I hit the books again tonight.

"What plans mom?" I asked, trying to sound as interested as possible, so as not to let her know that Phil's minor league schedule was a little low on my list of priorities at the moment.

"Oh honey, this is so exciting! Phil's playing on an all-star minor league game next weekend in New York City, and I've decided to give you a long weekend trip down to the Big Apple with us as a graduation gift, complete with a stay at the Marriott Marquis, tickets to see Phantom of the Opera, a day of shopping, and any other trouble we can think of getting into down there! Doesn't that sound great?"

Oh God, I groaned to myself. What was she thinking? I couldn't get away right now if I wanted to. There was just so much going on, between school and graduation plans. And New York City? Whatever made her think I'd want to go to New York City? Sure, it looked like a beautiful city in all the books and movies I'd ever seen, but honestly, I'd gotten so used to the quiet life in Forks that I couldn't even think of stepping into the biggest city in the world right now.

"Mom, that's really sweet of you, but I can't get away right now. I've got studying coming out of the cazoo, and work, and who'd take care of Charlie, and I haven't spent any time with Jake lately…"

"Bella, Bella, Bella, did you really think I was expecting you to jump for joy at the suggestion and be on the next plane out? I know you by now sweety, but that doesn't mean I'm taking no for an answer. I've already cleared it with Charlie, I think he'll live without you pampering him for 3 or 4 days. Charlie's cleared it with the Newton's, who'll give you the time off WITH pay as a graduation gift to you for all your years of hard work. I even called Jake last night and he agreed that if I could convince you to go, it would probably be a good idea for you to get away for a few days and relax before graduation."

She'd cleared it with Charlie, the Newtons, AND Jake? She was serious about this.

"Mom, I can't possibly take that much time off from my studying. These finals are going to be brutal, I-"

"Bella honey, you can bring your studying with you if you must, and I'll make sure I give you time to study for a few hours every day, I promise. Just please say you'll come. I've missed you so much, and the thought of us having some girl bonding time in New York City makes me want to break out into a dance, so please, please say yes. Please, please, please, please…"

The sound of my mom begging me to join her on an excursion through Manhattan was almost too much to bear. Of course I wanted to see her. I hadn't seen her more than a handful of times since I'd moved to Forks. The first time was after the incident with James, when she came to the hospital. The second was after I'd fallen into a catatonic state after the tearing out of my heart. The third was a month or so after my high school graduation, when I'd gone down to visit her and Phil in Jacksonville, since Phil had cracked some ribs and wasn't able to travel, and then the last was about a year ago, when again I'd gone to Jacksonville for a weekend.

I guess if she'd cleared work with the Newton's that was one thing less I had to worry about. The Charlie excuse had been just that, an excuse. I knew my dad could get along without me for a few days; he'd done it for years before I came to live with him in Forks. Then there was Jacob, my Jacob. If he felt that a weekend with my mom in New York City was good for me, he knew me well enough that I trusted his judgment.

"Okay, mom. You win, I'll meet you in the Big Apple," I said a bit begrudgingly.

"Geez Bella, you can sound a little happier about meeting your mom for a few days, you don't have to make it sound like I'm kidnapping you or something."

"Sorry mom." I paused and took a breath. I tried to make my next sentence lighter and more excited. I knew she was probably glowing and floating on air about this. "It'll be great, I know we'll have a blast," I said with as much cheer as I could muster.

"There, that's more like it", she responded. "Well, all the travel plans have been made. I'm emailing you your flight information. Phil and I will get there first so we'll pick you up from JFK, and then we'll just take it from there. Oh Sweetheart, isn't this exciting! I can't believe we're going to New York City together! You're flight is next Thursday morning, so you'll be here by the afternoon, and we'll have all of Friday and Saturday and then I've booked you on a Sunday afternoon flight home. It'll get you into Seattle kind of late, but Jacob's agreed to pick you up."

"Thanks mom, you've thought of everything," I said, knowing she'd just been covering all the bases so I wouldn't have any reason to back out.

"Yes, I have," she agreed smugly. She knew she had me.

"Well, if I'm going to be a New York City girl for a weekend in a few days, I'd better start hitting the books so I don't fall behind too much. I'll call you tomorrow mom," I said, starting to feel a little of the excitement I'd been trying to feign for her benefit.

"Okay honey, speak to you tomorrow," she said, sounding more subdued now that her plans were secure.

"And mom, thanks a lot, this is really a great graduation gift," I said, putting as much of my love into the words as was possible over the phone, so she could know that I really did appreciate it.

"Oh, you're welcome honey. We're all just so proud of you, my little college grad!" she said, with as much pride as a mom could ever have for her kid.

"Bye baby, love you."

"Bye mom, love you too."

I hung up and stared at the ceiling. In a little over a week, I'd be flying to the East Coast with my mom, certainly not what I'd been expecting as I started the day out. But I was also kind of excited despite myself. I'd never been further east than Albuquerque, and it would be fun to have a girl's weekend with my mom, even though I'd never been much of the girl's weekend type. I was now a young woman, I kept telling myself. And it was time to break out into the world, try different things, have new experiences…

Human experiences. The kind I'd always been meant to have, according to one person, at least. I guess he'd been right a few years ago. There were plenty of things I still had to experience, and seeing the world would probably count as one of them. Okay, so I was off to New York City. It was starting to sound nice actually. For some reason I couldn't explain, I was feeling rather excited and hopeful. This wasn't like me. Excitement and hope had disappeared out the window, literally, a few years ago, taking romance and passion, with him…it. But here I was, grinning on my bed like a fool, looking forward to something in my life, instead of backwards, for the first time in a long time. I didn't know why, but I had a feeling next weekend was going to be the beginning of a new chapter in the book of Bella Swan's Experiences.


	2. Ch 2 Alice AND Ch 3 Proposing

**A/N: Alright guys. I was messing around with Fanfiction the other night at an ungodly hour, and long story short, I accidentally deleted chapter 2.**

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH FOR A QUICK SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENS IN CHAPTER 2. Unfortunately, I can't find it in my files, so I think its safe to say its gone. I'm not going to try to redo the whole chapter, so here's a quick summary of it, and then you can go on to Chapter 3 below:**

**Summary of Ch. 2 - Alice:**

**Alice is at home, in New York State, where the Cullens have moved. Esme and Rose have gone into the city shopping, and the boys are off hunting. She's resting her mind and reminiscing on the past, when suddenly she gets a vision of Bella, on the phone with her mom, planning a trip to NYC. She hasn't been able to 'see' her for a couple of years, so she's really surprised. The vision plays out and she gets Bella's travel information. She then breaks into the airline database and gets all her flight information, and after a short deliberation where she weighs the pros and cons of going against her brother Edward's wishes, she decides to go meet Bella in NYC. In her mind, she justifies it as just going to make sure that things worked out well for Bella; that she's happy and was able to move on. She needs to know that Edward's sacrifice was worth it, because he's not doing well at all. He's a zombie, and Alice wants to make sure it was all worth it on Bella's end, at least. Alice then decides it's best to keep the information that she's going to meet up with Bella in NYC away from Edward and the rest of her family, at least until she returns, so that they can't try to stop her.**

**Okay, so that's a basic summary of what happened in Chapter 2. **

**Here's chapter 3, from Bella's POV. The next chapter will be from Alice's POV again, and we will continue alternating until HE comes into the story (Chapter 6). We'll soon be finding out some good stuff that'll keep the Cullens on their toes!**

**Please, please, please review and let me know what you think. **

**All Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky chick.**

**Chapter 3 – So what do you propose?**

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're now starting our final decent into John F. Kennedy International Airport. Please return to your seats and fasten you seatbelts. The current temperature in New York is 75 degrees Fahrenheit under overcast skies. The forecast for the next few days calls for mid-seventies and more overcast skies, although the rain should hopefully hold off for the weekend. We thank you for flying….."

Typical, that the rain and clouds would follow me from Forks all the way down to New York City. Well, at least the weather would be warm. The pilot's speech droned on, welcoming us to JFK after a long, but thankfully peaceful flight. I'd been afraid that with my regular bad luck, we'd find ourselves spiraling into a death fall at some point, but thankfully that had not been the case. Truthfully, my knack for accidents had declined in the past few years, and I found myself falling or getting hurt much less often than I used to; only about 2 or 3 times a week now.

Charlie had taken me to the airport, since Jacob had to work that day. I told him I would've been fine catching a cab down there, but I think he just wanted to make sure I actually made it to the airport. He seemed to be under the impression that I was planning on chickening out and hiding out somewhere in Seattle for the weekend, pretending to have made the journey east to NYC. He hadn't been too way off base. Although I was excited about meeting my mom and Phil in NYC, I wasn't looking forward to the long flight. I was glad that part of my trip was almost over.

As the plane started to descend towards the airport, I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, and instead closed my eyes and tried to focus on my last visit with Jake to calm my nerves. Unfortunately, the end of that night's conversation just served to make me feel even more nauseated, and I had to close my mouth shut tightly and physically fight the urge to toss the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'd been served only a couple of hours ago.

The night before my flight, Jake and I had been holed up in his garage. Jake had turned his garage into a sort of off-the-books business in the past couple of years. He was the unofficial La Push, and Forks for the most part, mechanic, and did pretty well actually. I often bugged him about going to college at some point, but he'd just tell me he wasn't the "paper and pencil" type, and as much as I tried to convince him otherwise, I had to admit he was a lot better with his hands than with books.

I guess to be fair to Jake, it wouldn't be easy for him to fit college into his lifestyle. What with running patrols almost every night with the rest of the wolfpack. He was Sam's second in command, although by birthright, Jacob was the Alpha. He always claimed he didn't want that honor though, so he'd gratefully relinquished the title to Sam, and was happy to just be one of the wolves. On top of that, he also had Billy to take care of. It was tiring, I knew. It wasn't the most quiet life, although thankfully, it had never gotten to the point where it had been 2 years ago. That nightmare was finally behind us. We rarely spoke about it, as if not speaking about it would make it less real, would keep it in the realm of fiction. We ignored the fact that Jacob's very existence was proof that there was a very fine line between fiction and non-fiction, and that the events of a couple of years ago had most certainly transpired.

So there we sat in the garage, on a little bench he'd brought in for us, so we could keep using his business place as our little hideout. We talked and joked around. Only focusing on pleasantries, as usual, for which I was always grateful.

"So Bells, off to NYC tomorrow. Excited huh?" he said, a bit sarcastically. His face suddenly took on a more serious look somehow, although his words seemed light enough.

"Yeah, thrilled. You know how I love the big city", I answered in the same sarcastic tone.

"So, I kind of wanted to ask you something before you left for the big city and was so overtaken by it that you wouldn't want to return to us po' country folk" he teased, with that serious edge to his face still there.

"Yeah?," I asked, wondering what was on his mind.

"It's just that now that you're about to graduate from College, and become this big entrepreneur-"

"Like you!", I interrupted.

"Yeah, sure, sure, like me", he responded, both embarrassed and proud at the same time. He didn't like to admit it, but he was proud of himself for having gotten his garage off the ground, and so was I. "Well", he continued, "where exactly do you see us fitting into that picture?" He looked a bit nervous as he looked into my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, a bit confused, not following him too well.

"Well, I mean, you'll be done with school. You'll be opening up your little shop, and me, I've got the garage business here. I'm not gonna be getting rich here or anything, but I do pretty well. And If I ever had to- he looked at me shyly – I guess I could pick something else up, or go back to school if necessary". He grimaced at that last part.

"Okay, and?" I questioned, still not seeing where he was going with this. I tried to meet his gaze, but he kept his eyes low, not wanting to meet mine yet.

"Well, what about us, as in you and me? What's gonna happen with us?" he gestured with his thumb from me to him, now looking me in the eyes.

I stared at him blankly, my mind starting to warn me where this conversation was going, and not sure I wanted it to head in that direction. Now it was my turn to look away.

"Well", I gulped, "you and me will still be the same, so why does anything have to change"? I asked him, trying to keep my voice even, so he couldn't hear the wariness starting to creep into it.

"Bells, you and I have been together for 3 years now. I love you and I know you love me too. I just think maybe it's time to take this to the next level", I could hear the nervousness in his voice as he said this, and I wished to God I'd broken an ankle or something earlier today so I could've stayed home.

"Jake, just because I'm graduating doesn't mean WE have to do anything differently", I answered him as gently as possible, meeting his eyes again.

"Okay, but what if we WANT to do things differently?" he stared at me anxiously, waiting for me to have some reaction to his words. I could only stare back at him dumbly.

"Bella, you know what I'm trying to say here, you're not dumb, so why are you making this so hard for me?" he asked, the confusion evident in his voice.

I didn't know what to say. What was the correct answer to this question? Where had this come from? One minute we were gossiping like two old ladies on a Sunday morning, joking about Seth and his new girlfriend, and the next I was trying to keep him from saying something we both might regret, because I knew I wasn't ready to hear it.

"Jake, after the way things ended between Charlie and my mom, she'd have my head if I –"

He didn't let me finish that sentence.

"Bella, you're not Renee and I'm not Charlie" he cut me off.

"I know that Jake, but we are pretty young. I mean you're even younger than I am!" True his wolfy nature made him appear mid 20's at least, but biologically, he was two years younger than me.

"Bella, what difference does that make? I know how I feel about you, and I know that won't change, it doesn't matter whether I'm 20 or 120. Don't you feel the same?"

Why was this happening now? Of course I loved Jake. He'd been my best friend for four years now. He'd been there for me whenever I needed him. He'd saved me, in so many ways. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for him, and I meant that in the literal and figurative terms. I owed Jake my life, in every way. But I couldn't even think of what he was proposing right now, if that's what he was doing. It wasn't the commitment that scared me, because I was sure I was as committed to Jake as anyone could be, but… I didn't know, it just scared me like hell to even think of it.

"Jake of course I love you, you know that", I answered him honestly, ignoring the rest of his implied question.

"Then what's the problem Bells?, You know what I want to ask you, but the look on your face, that look like you're ready to throw up, I'm scared to even continue". His voice sounded so small, especially coming from his huge body. It broke my heart.

When I didn't answer after a couple of minutes, he spoke again. I was grateful for that because if I would've been forced to open my mouth at that moment, he would've been proven right, and would've known exactly what I ate for dinner that night.

"Bella, we don't have to talk about it now. I just wanted you to know what I was thinking about. I think about us always together Bella, and it just seemed natural to me that this is the direction we'd go in next. I know you've got all these hangups about marriage, but I…-". He didn't know how to end the sentence.

"Just think about it okay? That's all I'm asking. You and I are different from everyone else out there Bella. I can take care of you-"

"I know you can Jake, and I'm so grateful for you in my life", I finally spoke, my voice cracking a bit. Tears were starting to form in my eyes". His words calmed me though, and my body, which had gotten tense as stone, relaxed at the knowledge that I didn't have to provide an answer now.

"Well I just want you to know that I want to take care of you for the rest of our lives, I know I can", he said, with as much conviction as he could.

"I know you're going to be busy for the next few months; between finals, and graduation, and the preparations to get the bookstore up and running. I'm not going to add to your stress with this, but eventually, I wanna return to the subject, and I just want you to know what direction I'm heading in, okay?", he lifted my head by my chin to meet his eyes, since mine had drifted down to my lap.

"Okay, I'll think about it", I promised, knowing that no matter what, this was definitely going to add to my stress level.

We'd changed the subject then. The conversation had been a bit strained for a while after that, but eventually we'd gotten back most of the light mood from before that particular subject had been touched on. Pretty soon, it had been time for me to go home, I had an early flight the next day, and Jake had walked me to my car.

"I love you Bella. Have fun in NYC, and relax," he's said, but I could tell he was still a bit upset at the way I'd received his semi-proposal.

"Love you too Jake", I said, but for some reason, I couldn't get myself to meet his gaze as I said it, and so I hugged him tightly to me instead, to hide my eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow night, after I've settled in".

I'd hopped into my car and sped away much faster than my normal 55 mph limit, like someone running from the scene of a crime. I probably made some sight, rushing off with tires screeching, leaving big old tire tracks in my wake.

_What the hell was my problem?,_ I asked myself now, as I clung to my chair on the airplane, my fingernails digging into the pleather seats as the plane continued its jerky trip down. Jake and I had been together for so long. I knew how he felt about me, and I knew I loved him too. He'd always been there for me. I owed him so much. So what was the problem? I knew all my excuses, I could recite them backwards. I was too young. He was too young. My mom would kill me. My dad would kill him. We weren't financially ready. He did OKAY at the garage, but not enough to support a family; and my little bookstore would take years to turn a profit, that is assuming it ever did and wasn't a complete failure, which still remained to be seen.

These were all good reasons. They were all true reasons to be worried before marriage. But if I was being truthful with myself, I had to admit I couldn't have cared less about any of them. Our ages didn't matter if we were sure of what we wanted. My parents would get over it, if I decided to get married now. We'd find a way to make it work financially.

So what was the real problem?

Was it that marriage to Jake, to anyone for that matter, would make it all final? There would be no going back after that. I would have to really and truly accept it this time.

Well, hadn't I already accepted it? Had it really been this long, four long years, and I was still harboring some misplaced hope somewhere deep inside?

Oh God.

The realization of that fact hit me hard and fast, and I was taken off guard as I found myself hyperventilating in my seat, my eyes flying open and my fingernails digging ever-deeper holes into my armrests. The little old lady next to me looked at me with pity, assuming, I was sure, that I was terrified of the descent into the airport. She gave me an encouraging smile, meant to calm me. I couldn't even get myself to give her a weak smile back.

_How stupid could I be?_ I asked myself. How masochistic could I possibly be? I couldn't believe it myself! _IT'S OVER! IT'S BEEN OVER FOR YEARS! GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE, HE HAS!,_ I tried to reason with myself. _Be happy, be satisfied, stop wishing for more than what you were meant for! _

Was _HE _the real reason I couldn't let myself move on with Jake?

_So what were my options?,_ I pondered trying to breathe in and out steadily, trying to calm myself. Say yes. The thought of marriage put me on a path towards hyperventilating again, so quickly I went to my other option. Say no. And if I said no to Jake, would I lose him forever too? I couldn't bear the thought of that either. Okay, so how about just not now. Could Jake accept that now just wasn't the right time? Maybe in a few years. Maybe in 2 or 3 years, we could revisit the subject again. I could try to convince Jake that we were just too young, that we did need to be more financially secure, that my father wouldn't throw him over a fishing boat (not that it would be that easy to drown a werewolf) in a few years. But what would be the point of that, if I was just lying to myself about my reasons?

Time, I said to myself. I just needed some more time. Time for what, I wasn't sure, but I was convinced that with just a little more time, I'd finally be able to give Jacob the answer he'd been hoping for. I wasn't sure how much time, maybe weeks, months, years…No, not years. I couldn't do that to him. I just needed to think about this more calmly, and with everything that was going on in my life right now, CALM was definitely not my middle name.

I closed my eyes again as I felt the plane make contact with the ground, holding on to my seat for dear life. In an effort to calm myself from both the plane ride and my previous thoughts, my mind, without my permission, took me to the most peaceful place it could imagine…a meadow. A meadow so beautiful it rivaled Eden. Wildflowers grew everywhere, throwing shades of blue, green, violet across the field. Everything else was a rich green hue, signaling that life flourished here. Everything grew happily here.

But no, my mind was not content to stop there at the meadow. I'd already been on the verge of a nervous breakdown a few minutes ago, why stop now?

So in the meadow, my spiteful mind found me sitting cross-legged, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. I was very comfy. I had a ring of beautiful purple wildflowers in my hair, and somebody was picking at them and laughing, a laugh so melodious it sounded like church bells chiming. I caught the glistening light out of the corner of my eye, catching the rays from the sun that shined uncharacteristically from the Forks sky, and causing a prismatic glitter that took my breath away.

_HE_ sat across from me, in jeans and a white t-shirt, just like myself. I could see his pale arms peaking out from his sleeves, his muscles bending and flexing as he moved. He picked one of the wildflowers out of my hair, and handed it to me, and as I reached out to take it from him, he grabbed my hand and softly pushed me to the ground. We both laughed as he carefully lay on top of me, supporting his weight with his arms, and looked deep into my eyes, with his beautiful golden ones that looked like melted ore.

"Bella" he whispered, and my heart stopped from just the picture in my mind. "I love you Bella. I'll love you forever, every day of forever. Say you'll be my wife. Say you'll be mine for eternity".

And in this imaginary proposal, there were no acceptable reasons to say no. There was no part of me that could say no. Age didn't matter, money didn't matter, no one and nothing else mattered. It didn't even matter that I'd have to give up my _life_ to spend an eternity with him.

"Of course, I'll marry you. Of course I'm yours forever" I said, the tone in my voice letting him know how unnecessary the question even was. "All you had to do was ask".

I opened my eyes then, tears ran down my face, and the little old lady next to me said "Don't cry honey, the plane's stopped, we're safe and the doors will be opening soon". I hadn't even noticed we'd come to a stop.

"Thanks" I responded, my voice barely a whisper. I couldn't say anything else. I couldn't move. The hole in my middle had opened up again, and I was grateful I had the excuse of airplane jitters for all the staring passengers.


	3. Ch 4 Alice takes a bite of the Big Apple

A/N: Okay this is the last chapter I have written out. It'll probably be a few days before I get to write the next one. I hope there are some people out there that are enjoying this, because I plan on lots of twists and surprises coming up. They'll be coming up really really soon too! This chapter is in Alice's POV. Edward will be having a say pretty soon too. I know right now there's lots of thinking and talking going on, but trust me, the action's coming!

All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky chic.

And once again, thanks to my sister Sammy, for reading through this.

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**Chapter 4 – Alice Takes a Bite out of the Big Apple**

I waited anxiously. My vision had told me she'd be walking through those doors with her mom and Phil in exactly 5.7 minutes. I tried to control myself so that the other hotel guests wouldn't get alarmed at walking by a 4 foot 10 "girl" bouncing up and down in a hidden corner of the hotel. Well, we were in NYC after all; they probably wouldn't even give it a second thought.

I was _seeing_ her much more clearly today. It was as if her getting on that airplane had somehow renewed my subscription to the Bella Channel. I'd seen her terror-struck face during the flight, and wished I could've been there to comfort her. I'd seen her look of excitement and happiness as she stepped off the plane and caught site of Renee and Phil, and rushed over to catch her mom in a warm embrace. I'd seen as she reached over to retrieve her bag from the conveyor belt at the airport, and had accidentally dropped it on her foot, yelping in pain. Well, she hadn't changed that much.

And I'd seen her walk through the main doors of the Marriott Marquis, arm in arm with Renee, and Phil behind them with Bella's bag (only one bag for a whole weekend? She was traveling light!), in approximately 5 minutes now.

I didn't want her to see me yet. I was hiding myself behind one of the pillars in the lobby, all the way in the back of the huge reception area of the hotel. I wasn't sure yet when I would reveal myself to her, and since I hadn't made that decision yet, I couldn't see how she'd receive me. I was worried, excited and anxious all at the same time. If Jasper had been here, he would've been bouncing off the walls with all of the mixed up emotions I'd be sending his way. I wished he was here to calm me down.

Thinking of Jasper reminded me of how I'd left things back home. It had been a torturous few days at the Cullen Residence. Once everyone had gotten home that day after my first vision of Bella, I'd immediately had to put up a façade to hide the pandemonium that was seeping from inside me, threatening to boil over and explode, exposing all my careful plans and preparations for the upcoming weekend getaway.

Esme and Rosalie had been almost no problem when they'd gotten home first. Rosalie, as I suspected, noticed nothing amiss with me, and went straight to the T.V., mumbling something about enjoying some Reality T.V. before Emmett got home and put on his shows. Esme, dear wonderful perceptive Esme, remarked on how well my rest at home seemed to have done me, and went so far as to say that I appeared to have a sparkle in my eyes that she hadn't seen in a while.

"Esme, you of all people should know how necessary it is now and again to be away from the Cullen boys. As much as I miss Jasper, it's been refreshing to not have to hear the constant bickering and wagering between them for a couple of days", I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. I didn't mention that I would've given my right foot to have Edward participate in some of that bickering and wagering for once, and I'm sure I didn't need to.

She looked at me as if she wasn't entirely convinced that that was the reason for the "sparkle" in my eyes, but after a few seconds, she seemed to have decided it wasn't worth pursuing, and quickly turned to library, where she would wait for Carlisle's return.

And I, nervous as I was for the boys return, couldn't figure out where would be the best place to position myself for their imminent arrival. I scurried from here to there, constantly changing my mind as to where would be the best place to actually be once they entered the house. Rosalie eyed me warily as I bounced from sofa to sofa, from the kitchen to the dining room, and then back to the main family area, as I tried to use my gift to decide where in the house would be the safest place to hide myself, and therefore my little secret, from the inquiring and inquisitive vampires that would be arriving in 9.8 minutes.

I'd finally decided that, according to my visions, no matter where I was, I was going to have to use all my arsenal of blocking strategies to block my plans from Edward, and so I decided I'd just stay in the main area of the house, and await their arrival there.

"Anxious for our husband's return, are we?" Rosalie questioned, turning her attention back to the T.V. and the human in it who for some unknown reason was about to plummet 20 feet into a pool of jello. Utterly disgusting, even for humans. How could she watch that crap?

"Sure I am, aren't you?" I responded, trying to keep my voice from quivering.

"Apparently not as much as you", she said, not taking her eyes off of the T.V., for which I was extremely grateful. I was sure I was shaking from my nerves.

As my gift had predicted, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Edward walked into the house a few minutes later, at 10:54 pm that evening. Carlisle, looking tired but satisfied, greeted me and Rosalie, and went straight for the Library, where he knew Esme would be waiting for him. Emmett bounded in cheerfully, went straight to Rosalie on the sofa, planted a big kiss on her mouth, and proceeded to take the remote from her and start flipping the channels. When Rosalie, glaring at him, got up and stormed up to their bedroom, Emmett cheerfully followed.

Edward.

Edward looked the same walking into the house as he'd looked walking out two days ago. The same as he'd looked for the past few years. Lifeless. He gave me a small acknowledging nod as he walked in, pausing briefly and scrunching his eyebrows in curiosity as to why I was reciting the Zimbabwe National Anthem in Cantonese, but then, as I'd suspected, shrugged and went straight up to his room. I sighed. Maybe I'd been hoping for a bit more of a challenge. At least it might mean he'd woken up a bit in the past couple of days.

Then Jasper walked in. My dear Jasper. Watching him walk in slowly, looking both tired and refreshed at the same time made my dead heart jump. His blond hair was disheveled, and leaves and grass stuck to his clothes here and there, giving him a more animalistic look. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

"Alice". He spoke my name in a gentle whisper, with just a hint of a southern drawl, elongating the "A" a little more than was necessary. He quickly walked over to the sofa where I sat and picked me up in a tight embrace to meet his lips.

"Jasper, I missed you", I said after we'd pulled our lips apart, and smiled as sweetly as possible, to which he responded "What have _you_ been up to?", emphasizing the "you" part.

"Oh you know, nothing special. Helping Esme reorganize some of the furniture, trying my hand at canvas oil painting, doing a little internet shopping. Just keeping busy. You know what they say, Idle hands are the devil's tools", I responded, giving him a sly smile.

"Yes, that's true. And we know what trouble those little hands and mind of yours can get into when they're too idle" he said, giving me back his own sly smile.

"Jasper, I do not have a small mind", I pretended to be put off by his comment.

"I know. That's precisely the problem" he laughed, as he pulled me back into a tight embrace, and started leading me up to our room.

We'd gone upstairs then and gotten reacquainted with each other, so to speak. And as the sun came out in the morning over the horizon, I'd suggested we go for a walk alone together to watch the sunrise. He'd quickly agreed and we'd hurried out so as not to miss the sun's greeting in the sky.

When we'd been about 15 miles away from the house, he turned to me and took both my hands in his, and sat me on his lap in the middle of the woods.

"So what's on your mind darlin'?" he questioned me, in his irresistible drawl.

"What makes you think I've got something on my mind", I'd asked, looking down at our hands, which were intertwined on my lap.

"Alice, you have got to be kidding me. I've known you had something on your mind since I walked into the house last night, and found you sitting on the couch looking like you'd swallowed the proverbial canary and still had the feathers hanging out of your mouth, and _feeling_ like you had to". He laughed playfully and gave my hands a squeeze.

"Jazz, I have no idea what you're talking about", I lied, trying to sound hurt, but the nervous smile that involuntarily played at my lips betrayed me.

"Oh, sure you don't" he laughed again. "All the anxiousness, nervousness and guilt coming off of you right now is enough to get an innocent man to confess to a murder".

Guilt? Was I really feeling guilty about what I was going to do? I knew I was anxious and nervous, but I hadn't been aware I felt guilty too. Well, I guess that made sense anyway, since I'd be lying to my family for the next few days about what I was planning, and going against what I knew perfectly well to be Edward's wishes.

I stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, trying to gather my thoughts and figure out how exactly to put this. I knew I was going to have to be at least partly honest with Jasper. I couldn't lie to him. Not completely at least, and not about something like this. He'd know I was up to something, he just wouldn't know exactly what that something was. Thankfully Jasper was perfectly quiet and patient as I tried to put my thoughts and words together.

"Jasper, I have to go away for a few days", I began. I was still facing away from him, sitting on his lap as we held hands and watched the sun come up.

"Where are you going?" he asked quietly, also watching the sun. I could hear all the questions in his voice, but being the gentleman that he was, he would let me lead the conversation.

"There's something I have to do Jasper, and I have to do it alone. I just…" I took a deep breath, as I tried to find the words to make him understand, to make him let me go without asking too much. "I need to clear some things up, and I don't think you or the rest of the family would understand right now. Later on, I'm sure you would, but just not right now". I wasn't sure if I was making any sense.

Jasper was quiet for a while, searching for his own words I was sure. "Will you be in danger?" I could hear the concern in his voice. That was the most critical question for him. As long as I wasn't in danger, he could accept anything. Putting myself in danger was the only thing he wouldn't tolerate from me. He knew I'd be honest about this part, at least.

"No Jazz. I promise. I won't be in any danger. I just have to find some things out. I have to make sure.." I stopped again. I had to watch what I said. I couldn't say anything too compromising, too leading, for fear that Edward would read it in his mind, and somehow figure out what I was doing. I hated being so evasive with Jasper, but I had no choice.

"I promise Jasper. When I come back, I'll tell you everything. I just can't right now. Please just trust me. What I'm doing I'm doing for all of us. I just have to know". I stopped. I couldn't say any more right now.

Jasper turned me around to face him. I had trouble meeting his gaze, but he put his fingers gently under my chin to bring my eyes to his. "Alice, just come back safely, and the rest can wait until then". He stared into my eyes for a long time, and then gave me a shy little smile, letting me know we were alright.

"Jazz. You know I love you with all my being, don't you?" I smiled up at him in return, grateful for all his understanding.

"If your eyes weren't showing it, your emotions definitely would" he answered. "That's how I know you're not running off to meet some handsome vampire behind my back", he laughed playfully.

"I've got all the handsome vampire I need right here", I responded, wrestling him to the ground.

As we'd started our walk back to the house, he'd turned to me and asked "I take it this is something you don't want to discuss with the rest of the family?"

"I'd rather they not know yet. I'll bring it up the night before I leave" I answered, looking straight ahead.

"And when exactly will that be?" he'd asked looking at me now as we walked.

"I'll be leaving next Thursday, and I should be back by Sunday evening" I answered, still looking ahead.

From the corner of my eye, I could see him staring at me, looking like he wanted to ask more, but then he appeared to change his mind, and staring straight ahead again, we continued our quiet walk home.

The next few days had been difficult. Jasper and I didn't mention my upcoming trip anymore, and I hadn't mentioned it to anyone in the family. Carlisle went off to work in the hospital, and the rest of us, save Edward and Esme, went off to continue our human charade at the local university. For once, it was actually a relief to be at the university, it kept me far away from Edward for a portion of the day. But then in the afternoons I'd come home and have to continue with my translations, operations, equations, and any and all dirty thoughts I could come up with to keep Edward out of my head.

He'd figured out of course, by his second day back that I was hiding something, although what it was he had no idea. It was a good thing he spent so much time locked away in his room, it made it easier to hide from him.

"Alice", he'd said to me, on one of the few occasions when he'd left his room and deemed us with his presence, "what exactly is going on with you? Your mind has become such a gutter of filth for the past few days, I'm surprised you're even able to walk straight at this point".

"Get out of my mind, dear brother, and you won't have to deal with what's going through it", I'd responded without looking up, casually flipping through a magazine on the sofa.

He'd continued to stare at me for a minute.

"Are you trying to hide something from me?" he'd asked, sounding a bit incredulous. It had been a while since we'd played any of these mind games together. There hadn't really been anything worth trying to hide from him for a while.

"What in the world would I possibly have to hide from you Edward?", I'd responded, still flipping through the magazine. I kept my eyes down, afraid to look up at him, afraid he'd be able to break me if I did, and had immersed myself completely in the Brangelina article I'd been reading.

He stared at me for a few moments more, and then quickly, as if really not caring so much one way or the other, he'd smirked at me and bounded back up to his room, his own private dungeon. Jasper, who'd been sitting next to me this whole time, looked at me and said "Is this why I find myself unable to control my lust lately"?

"You say that as if it's a bad thing", I'd teased him. He looked at me, looked up towards Edward's room, and I think it had clicked that whatever my secret was, Edward was key. I just shook my head at him, letting him know he shouldn't even think it. He'd looked away and muttered something about having to up the lust factor now to block his thoughts too. I sighed and went back to my Brad Pitt, willing myself to care a little more than usual whether he'd pick Angie or Jennie.

Wednesday night before D-Day, I'd casually mentioned to Carlisle and Esme that I'd be going away for a few days the next morning, to do some more research on my past. That had been the best excuse I'd come up with. I couldn't tell them I was going hunting, because I never hunted alone, at least not for longer than a day.

"Why isn't Jasper going with you?" Esme asked curiously.

"This is just something I'd rather do alone right now" I'd answered, hoping she'd just leave it at that.

Neither Esme, nor Carlisle for that matter, really looked as if they'd bought that, but they'd let it go, figuring it was between Jasper and me. The others, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward felt the same when they found out about my upcoming trip, but also felt it was between Jasper and me. I was grateful, but also sort of miffed, at the lack of concern my family seemed to be displaying about my lonesome trip. Boy, they'd accepted that excuse a little too easily. What if Jasper and I really had been having problems? Hmmph, I'd decided to let it go for now. I still had a few more hours of blocking to get through.

Thursday morning, I'd said goodbye to the family. Edward had been locked in his room…as usual, and I'd debated leaving without saying a word to him. It would probably be easier that way. As I was walking by his room, ready to just continue on my way, I'd sighed and turned back, ever the instigator. Softly, I knocked on his door.

"Edward?"

No answer.

"Edward, I'm leaving for a few days. I just wanted to say goodbye".

I waited. Still no answer. I sighed and started to walk away, when I heard the door open slowly behind me. I turned around and there he stood, looking down at me, lifeless, morose, resigned, dead.

"Where are you going?" he asked, with no real interest in his voice.

"I'm just going to do some more research on my past", I lied. "I'll be back in a few days, and maybe we can go hunting up to the Appalachians together, what do you think?", I asked. I stared at him, hoping that for once, this one time, he'd answer me in something other than the monotone his voice had become.

"Take care, I'll see you when you get back", he said, no answer to my question. He started to turn around and close the door, when I reached out for his hand.

"Hey, Edward. I think… I think the time's coming for a change around here Edward. I know things have been…well, you know. But I really think we're close to turning a corner here. Just hang in there okay?"

What possessed me to say that, I have no clue. I should've just kept walking and quit while I was ahead.

He looked at me as if he had no idea what I was talking about either. I started reciting Gregorian chants in my head in pig latin, and his look changed into one of disgust. He shook off my hand.

"Whatever Alice" he responded coldly. "Look, I really hope you find whatever you're looking for on this trip of yours. I have no idea what you're hiding, but I can tell it's really important to you so…good luck", he said. Those last two words had sounded a little more heartfelt. And with that, he turned and closed the door behind him. Yes, I really hoped I found what I was looking for too.

Jasper was waiting for me downstairs, and he ran with me for a few miles down. As we reached enough of a distance where our talks would be private from both humans and vampires alike, we stopped. He reached out quickly and grabbed me into an embrace that would've broken my bones had I been human.

"Jazz, I'll be back in a few days, relax", I said, as I tried to laugh it off and lighten the mood.

He pulled away slightly, still holding me though, but now we could look at each other.

"Whatever this is Alice, I just want you to know I support you. I know it's something you think is necessary, so I just want you to know I'm here for you, always". His sincerity both warmed me and saddened me. I hated keeping this from him. I couldn't wait to be able to tell him everything.

"Thanks Jazz. That means the world to me, and you know it. I promise, I'll be safe", I knew he was still worried about that. "And I promise, as soon as I get back, this will all make sense".

"Will you call while you're gone?" he asked. He still sounded worried. I guessed he would be until I returned. I couldn't blame him. If it was the other way around, I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to let him go without knowing the full picture. He was being wonderful about this, I had to admit.

"I'll try, but don't go all military on me if you don't hear from me every hour on the hour", I said. "I'll be back Sunday, and then we can talk about everything, I promise". I hoped I'd be able to give him good news upon my return on Sunday. But then I wondered, what would constitute good news? Bella is wonderfully happy, not a care in the world, we can all relax about that? Or, Bella is miserable, she hasn't gotten over Edward, it's time to end this crap and intervene? Which one would be good news? I wasn't sure about that one, because if it was the second, was it too late?

I broke out of my reverie and looked at Jasper. I leaned forward and kissed him and held him to me, once again grateful to have him, for I didn't know what I would do in Edward's position, without my mate. I didn't think I would've been able to take it, not that I considered how he was existing taking it very well.

And so here I was, Thursday afternoon, hiding out at the Marriott, waiting with bated breath for Bella to finally walk through those doors.

I smelled her before I actually saw her. She still smelled wonderful. Like freesia and strawberries and humanity all mixed together. It wasn't as potent to me as it had been for my brother, but it was mouthwatering nonetheless.

She walked in, arm in arm with Renee, as I'd seen in my vision, with Phil following close behind. She looked beautiful. Not the abnormal, out-of-this-world beauty that Rosalie possessed, but a more human beauty, a beauty with charm, and freshness, and reality all tumbled together. Her hair and eyes were the same brown I remembered, rich and deep, and she still wore her hair long. She was still just as pale, but with a rosy tint that touched her cheeks. Her height remained exactly the same, and her build, although more or less the same, seemed more womanly, as if the teenage skinniness had been replaced by a more grown up physique. Her lack of a fashion sense didn't seem to have changed, unfortunately, as she was wearing a simple pair of grey sweats with a plain white top. We'd definitely have to do some shopping here in NYC.

Renee seemed to be talking her ear off a mile a minute, explaining to her in detail all their plans for the next few days, including the playoff game Phil would be playing on Saturday, but Bella didn't seem to mind. She seemed content to be with her mom, even if she was about to pop her eardrums. I watched as they waited on line at check-in, and got the card to Bella's room. Renee and Phil had already checked in earlier, and were in a room down the hall from Bella. I myself had booked the room directly under Bella's, so I could be within earshot should she need me.

Once Bella had been checked in, they started walking towards the elevators. Renee was telling Bella to freshen up, relax for a little while, and then they'd be heading around Manhattan to explore the area surrounding the hotel, and then grab dinner before continuing their explorations.

"Mom, don't forget I need to squeeze some studying into my schedule tonight, and every night while I'm here", Bella said. Always so responsible. That apparently hadn't changed.

"Oh, I know Bella!" Renee answered, sounding like a little girl herself. "I'll bring you back to the hotel with plenty of time to study".

Bella eyed her skeptically, before breaking out into a big grin and giving her mom a big hug. I could tell she was ecstatic to be with her again.

They continued to make their way into the elevator, passing my way as they went, but with no possibility of spying me from my hidden corner in the back of the room, behind the big decorative pillar with the huge vase in front.

How did she feel being here? Was she excited to be in the big city? Was she planning on adding to her wardrobe during her stay here? Did she miss her boyfriend already? What mysteries and desires were those big brown eyes hiding? These were all questions I planned to get to the bottom of in the next few days. Now I just had to figure out when to make my grand entrance. How could I "bump" into her, without having her run from me, yelling and screaming the whole way? I stopped that thought as I realized I was starting to sound like my brother. That wasn't good.

All of a sudden, unexpectedly, Bella stopped and turned. Her big brown eyes scanned the room, looking for something, someone, and I had to throw myself behind the huge pillar and vase to keep her from seeing me. I felt like I was in a scene from some bad TV sitcom, the comically inept spy hiding, in a black trench coat and dark sunglasses (which was exactly what I was wearing), and then diving for cover as the unsuspecting star of the show turned in my direction.

Bella continued to scan the room, looking for what or who I had no idea. It was as if she sensed someone had been looking at her, and was now trying to find the culprit of those invading stares. I continued to hide behind the pillar, nervously praying that she wouldn't decide to walk over here. Although I could probably run away at my quick vampire speed before she could see me, there were too many witnesses here, and I didn't want to chance someone seeing me run and totally freaking.

"Bella, what are you looking for?" Renee asked, as the elevator arrived and Renee waited for Bella to step in.

Bella gave the room one more scan before turning around slowly to face her mother, and walking into the elevator. "I just felt…I could've sworn I heard someone call my name", I heard her say, before the elevator doors closed and whisked her and her family to their floor.

Still just as perceptive, I realized, as I quietly snaked my way back to my room.

It was time to plan the next phase of "Operation Alice and Bella Take Manhattan"!


	4. The Phantom at the Opera?

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. It's in Bella's POV, and it's a bit long, but there were just some things I wanted to include before we went to the next chapter. The next chapter will be in… (drum roll please) Edward's POV! I've been wanting to get to that chapter, but there were just things that had to be done and said before Edward had a say in this story. So please stay tuned, we'll have lots of Edward in the next chapter, and then after that the story really gets good, mysteries solved, love triangles, fights, angst, etc, etc.**

**Please, please please leave reviews if you like the story. Or even if you don't, so I can know what needs to be changed. **

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky chick.**

**And thanks to my sister Sammy for staying on my back to get this chapter done.**

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**Chapter 5 – The Phantom at the Opera?**

Bella's POV

It had been an exhausting 30 hours with Renee. I'd forgotten how tireless she could be, like a kid who'd raided the candy jar. Her knack for going and going would put the Energizer Bunny to shame. I'd barely had time to put my bag down last night and call dad and Jake before she'd burst into my room, ready to take the City by storm.

We'd walked down Park Avenue, strolled through Central Park, and took in the lights of Times Square, and that was all before dinner. She'd begrudgingly let us stop at TGI Fridays in Times Square for a quick bite to eat, after I'd pointed out to her that I hadn't had a bite since three hours into the flight, and that had just been a PB&J that would've left Mickey Mouse hungry.

All the while, I hadn't been able to shake the feeling that somebody was watching me. I kept turning around and looking over my shoulder, expecting to catch one of those famous NYC muggers, with the panty hose over their heads, ready to snatch my purse and run like hell. After about the twentieth time I'd looked over my shoulder, Renee lost her patience and asked, "Bella, who or what exactly are you looking for?"

"I'm not looking for anyone mom. I just keep feeling like someone's watching me", I answered, a bit embarrassed at my foolishness.

"Bella, please stop being so paranoid! Geez, you'd think you'd grown up in Forks your whole life and had never experienced a big city before!"

She was right, I was being paranoid. I wasn't used to all the lights and sounds and commotion of a big city anymore. It had me on edge. I tried to relax as Renee got around to describing what she considered one of the highlights of this trip.

"Just think honey, tomorrow night we'll be back here on Broadway, the biggest Theatre District in the world, to see The Phantom of the Opera! Aren't you excited?" she shrieked.

"Can't wait mom!" I answered. It would be exciting to see a horror play on Broadway.

The next day, we'd spent 12 hours exploring some more of the City. Renee had actually made me get on one of those double-decker busses reserved for shameless tourists. Then we'd stopped to buy some souvenirs at those shops for tourists who didn't mind paying a premium for junk just because it had a red heart with the letters "NY" next to it.

"Bella, sweety, don't you just love these T-shirts! And to think they're only 4 for $20! I'm buying myself one in each color! Do you want one?" Renee asked

"Um, no thanks mom" I answered her, trying to hide my smirk. It was bad enough she had me holding her foam Lady Liberty crown while she shopped for her t-shirts. I once again fought the urge to look over my shoulder. I didn't want to upset my mom again, even though the feeling that I was being watched never left me all day. I wanted to get back to the hotel so we could rest for a while and change before the play tonight.

Finally, we'd made it back to the hotel. I rested for a while on the big sleep number hotel bed (I'd discovered I was a number 40), gave myself some quick study time, and decided I'd call Jake tonight when I came back. I wanted to make sure I had enough time to devote to our phone call, and I knew Renee would be calling me pretty soon to see if I was ready to go.

I gave myself a quick once over in the mirror before going to meet Renee and Phil in the hotel lobby. I was wearing the dressiest outfit I could come up with, black boot cut jeans and a white button down collar shirt. I was grateful Renee had been too busy on her oversized busses and "I HEART NY" shops to have suggested any other forms of shopping. It had never been my favorite pastime.

"Bella, you clean up nicely!" my mom exclaimed as I stepped off the elevator. One look at her and Phil and I realized I shouldn't have been too worried about my theatre outfit. They were both wearing jeans, and they'd accessorized them with matching "I HEART NY" t-shirts, hers in red and his in blue.

"I brought the green one down for you, in case you want to match" she cried out eagerly. I loved my mom, but even I had my limits.

"Thanks mom, but I don't think so".

"Suit yourself" she said, sounding a little disappointed. "It'll be in my bag if you change your mind".

I knew anything was possible in this city, but a very large pig would have to fly before I went to the theatre with my mom and Phil in matching "I Love NY" t-shirts.

We arrived at the theatre five minutes before show time, and quickly went to our seats. My now constant companion, paranoia, had apparently followed me here. I kept feeling eyes on the back of my head and kept turning around, only to find everyone busily heading to their own seats before the curtain went up.

"Bella, will you stay still and stop acting as if I've brought you to your execution!" Renee whispered to me through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry", I answered quietly. I knew my paranoia was starting to wear on her nerves. I just couldn't shake the feeling that had been plaguing me since my arrival at the hotel last night.

Finally, the curtain went up and the show started. For the first few minutes, everything seemed okay, there were the usual opening song and dance routines, and I was starting to enjoy myself. But then a few minutes into the play, I knew I'd made a horrible mistake.

I turned to my mom, "Mom, you didn't tell me this was going to be a love story" I whispered accusingly.

"Bella, honey, it's The Phantom of the Opera, everyone knows it's a love story". She rolled her eyes at me and turned her attention back to the stage.

"Well, I didn't" I mumbled, sounding a bit more irritated than I should have, refusing to look at the stage any more. Had I known, I would've found some way to bow out of this portion of our weekend.

For the past few years, I'd had a "no love story" policy when it came to movies, shows, and/or music. As far as I was concerned, that sappy stuff had no place in entertainment. It was just another form of torture, having to watch lovers on screen overcome all obstacles, only to end up together. It was all lies, and I refused to take part in it. As if there was really any way true love could conquer all. Books, on the other hand, I could tolerate, if only because I didn't have to actually watch with my eyes as two phonies looked each other in the eyes and promised to walk through fire for each other if need be.

Yeah right.

The only reason I'd agreed to this dumb play was because of its title. I figured there would be a phantom or two running around some opera house, terrorizing the audience and performers; not some girl caught in some weird love triangle. This was just as bad as going across the street and watching Disney's performance of Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. Wasn't the heroin of that story called Belle or something, in love with some beast who was really a prince? (I shuddered at the thought).

I sighed loudly and looked down at my lap. How long was I going to have to sit through this?

"How much longer is this play?" I asked my mom impatiently, after what felt like an hour.

"Bella, it's been about 15 minutes!" my mom responded in the same impatient tone. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing". I tried to turn my attention to the play. "You can do this" I said to myself. "It's been long enough. You can sit through a love story without freaking out". I continued my own little-engine-that-could speech in my head for the next few minutes, which felt more like hours.

My palms were sweaty, as I nervously rubbed them against my thighs, my legs crossing and uncrossing, the top one bouncing up and down anxiously. When all of a sudden, up on stage Raoul decided to turn to Christine for a kiss, I knew I'd had enough. I had to get out of here before I had my second nervous breakdown in 48 hours.

"Mom, I'm feeling a bit sick. I'm going to the bathroom" I said hurriedly as I got up and started to make my way out of the aisle.

"Do you need me to come with you?", she asked after me. I'd barely given her a chance to respond, in my haste to get away from the two lovebirds on stage.

"No, I'll be okay. Be right back" I called back to her. The rest of the seated audience made way for me as I made my way out of the row. I heard protests of "hmph" and teeth sucking as I tried to excuse myself as quickly as possible, knocking into their legs as I raced out of the aisle at top speed.

Out in the theatre lobby, I stopped right outside the ladies room. It was thankfully empty out here. Every sane person in the theatre was still inside trying to get their money's worth out of the play, instead of out here staving off a terror attack brought on because Raoul had the nerve to kiss Christine.

I leaned over as I used one hand to steady myself against the wall, the other hand at my chest, willing my heart to slow back to its regular rhythm.

"_What is wrong with you?" _I asked myself. I shouldn't still be having these reactions to love stories. I _had_ my own love. He was waiting for me a couple of thousand miles away in Forks. I closed my eyes and tried to picture Jake in his garage, his hands and clothes all greasy, fixing someone's carburetor and whistling to himself. But instead, all I kept coming up with were a pair of golden eyes staring into mine, shining with emotion and coming closer and closer…

Then the feeling came back; the feeling that somebody was watching me, boring into me with their gaze. Except this time the sensation was magnified tenfold, and I quickly opened my eyes, expecting to find nothing but further proof that I was slowly sinking into a pit of paranoia.

The vision before me was staggering, and I had to open and close my eyes a few more times before my mind accepted that what its eyes were showing it was indeed real.

Alice! Alice Cullen was standing right in front of me, a vision of beauty, the likes of which I hadn't seen in years. She was smiling at me shyly, as if waiting to gauge my reaction before approaching me any closer.

"Alice" I whispered, in shock. She continued to smile at me, and without any thought or control, I flung my arms around her, and proceeded to cry out four years worth of tears into her cold, stone, yet welcoming shoulder.

"I'm glad you didn't give in and wear one of those I heart NY t-shirts. I would've had to give myself away right then and there and jumped out and ripped that shirt right off of you." she spoke after a couple of minutes. Her voice sounded amused, but I was too busy with my choke hold around her to look at her.

"Sshh, Bella, relax" she soothed, and then her arms went around me too, carefully.

"It's you, it's really you" I half spoke and cried, amazed.

"Yes, it's me. How many 4 foot 10 spiky haired vampires do you know?" she teased.

I released her from my choke hold and looked at her. Her eyes were twinkling with excitement; pure gold.

"Oh, sorry" I said quickly, all of a sudden remembering what my proximity might be doing to her thirst.

She looked confused at first, and then laughed. Her laugh would've put the choir at St. Patrick's cathedral to shame.

"Silly Bella, do you really think I wouldn't have prepared properly for this? I'm _very_ well fed, thank you very much" she mused.

"Alice. It was you. You've been following me" I said, still amazed she was standing right here in front of me, in New York City of all places.

"Yes, Bella. I must admit, I've been following you. Although with all the times you've turned around to look for someone, I'm surprised you haven't given yourself whiplash".

She'd been following me. She'd admitted it. Somehow, I couldn't get myself to be the least bit upset about this. This knowledge that I'd been followed around a city by a vampire brought back feelings of déjà vu, of this happening once before in my life, and I couldn't have been more pleased.

"Tell me something. Are all vampires stalkers by nature?" I asked her, the words coming out of my mouth before I'd had a chance to filter them. I smiled quickly at her so she'd know she was forgiven, not that she looked like she was looking for forgiveness.

"Yes, actually, we are", she answered coyly, no apology in her tone whatsoever. "Some of us more than others, however", she teased.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still looking incredulous.

"I came to see you, of course" she answered matter-of-factly.

I looked at her, confusion evident on my face.

She sighed. "Bella, I had a vision you'd be here in New York City this weekend, so I came to see you. The family's living in Upstate New York. It was only a hop, skip and a jump, literally, to come see you".

I didn't know what to say. She'd come to see me. But why? Why after all this time would she want to see me?

"Why?" I asked, still confused.

"I missed you Bella. We've all missed you. I just wanted to spend some time with you and catch up". She seemed to hesitate, losing a bit of the confidence she'd had a few minutes ago. "Is that okay?" she asked, worry evident in her tone.

Was it okay? I hadn't seen her in over four years. She'd disappeared the night of my 18th birthday, after helping to clean me up. The last time I'd seen her she'd been walking out off the Cullen house because the sight of my blood had become too much for her to bare. But it wasn't her fault. He'd told me, Edward had told me that day in the woods that she'd wanted to say goodbye, but he hadn't allowed it because he thought a clean break would be best. Unlike him, she hadn't wanted to abandon me.

"Of course it's okay" I said to her soothingly. "Who's being silly now?"

Her eyes brightened up and she hugged me to her again. She quickly let me go and started talking a mile a minute.

"Oh, Bella, we're going to have so much fun! We have so much catching up to do. You have to tell me everything you've been up to for the past few years. And we have to take in the sights. I know you went exploring with your mom and Phil before, but you haven't hit the most important sights of New York City, their fashion shops!" she said excitedly.

"Whoa, hold on Alice. I've only got a day and half left here, and I'm not sure how much time my mom's going to give me on my own". I was dying to spend time with Alice and "catch up", but so far I'd been ecstatic at not having had to do any fashion stops in the city.

Just then, as if hearing her name, Renee walked over to us. Apparently, it was intermission time for the play, and she'd quickly come to check on me.

"Oh Bella honey, you seem to be doing much better" she exclaimed with relief as she saw me. She quickly looked over to see who I was talking to, and did a double take when she noticed Alice.

"Hello Renee. It's nice to see you again" Alice said sweetly.

Renee recovered herself. "I remember you; aren't you Ed-" I quickly cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"Mom, you remember Alice Cullen, don't you? You met her at the hospital when I got hurt in Phoenix. She's an old friend" I said, even though Renee was obviously very aware of exactly who Alice was, as well as who she was related to.

"Yes, that's right" my mom said. "You helped my Bella out a lot after the accident, I heard. But then you and your family moved away?" she said this last part as a question, as if waiting for Alice to explain herself.

"Yes, yes that's right" was all Alice responded.

Renee just looked at Alice for a minute, as if trying to decide what sort of reaction to have to her, to decide whether she was friend or foe. Finally, thankfully, she seemed to decide on the latter.

"Well this is a wonderful surprise! What are you doing in New York? Are you with your family?" she looked around the theatre, as if trying to spot more Cullens in the crowd.

"No, actually, I'm here in the City by myself. My family and I are living in Upstate New York now, and I decided to come up for the weekend. I can't believe I bumped into Bella here"! she said, even though she'd already told me clearly that "bumping" was not exactly how it happened.

"Well, you girls definitely have a lot of catching up to do!" my mom exclaimed excitedly. "Bella here's about to graduate college, open up her own store, and she's got the cutest little boyfriend this side of the Pacific Ocean". We were actually closer to the Atlantic at the moment, but I had more important fish to fry at the moment than correcting my mother's geography. Like stopping her before she said anything else that might make it's way to the wrong ears, or mind for that matter. _What difference does it make what makes it's way to his ears, or mind,_ I asked myself.

"Oh Bella, you have been busy!" Alice squealed. "I want to hear all about it. How about we spend the day together tomorrow, catching up and shopping?"

"Alice, I don't know if I can-" I started, but my mother cut me off.

"Why Bella of course you can"! My mom sounded ecstatic about getting rid of me for the day tomorrow.

"But mom, how about our plans-" she cut me off again.

"Bella, sweetheart, I was actually going to talk to you about that tonight. Tomorrow is Phil's All-Star game in Coney Island, and we're going to spend the whole day over there. I was actually going to ask you if you wanted to take the day for yourself tomorrow, since I know how much you hate sports, and I didn't want you to be bored there tomorrow. This is your vacation honey, your graduation present, and I don't want you to spend a whole day of it bored watching a bunch of men in tights run around a ball field. This actually works out perfectly! You and Alice can run around the city tomorrow, two beautiful young girls loose in New York, Aaaah!", she screamed.

"Yey!" Alice screamed back.

I was outnumbered. I might as well wave the white flag. Besides, I did so want to spend time with Alice (and away from the horrifying picture of middle-aged men in tights running around a ball field that my mom had painted for me. After a certain ball game I'd been witness to a few years back, regular baseball just didn't cut it for me).

"Alright Bella, I'll pick you up at about 8 tomorrow morning, and then we'll-"

"Wait Alice, where are you staying?" I asked warily.

She looked at me sheepishly and answered "I'm at the Marriott Marquis, where are you?"

Yes, she was right, some vampires were more stalkers than others.

"We're at the Marquis as well!" my mom answered. "What a coincidence!"

"Yeah, it is isn't it?" I narrowed my eyes at Alice. Then I just laughed. Alice Cullen, my best friend, was here. This gave Alice's confidence another boost and she looked like she was about to burst with excitement.

"Then why don't we just start the partying tonight Bella?" Alice exclaimed. "We could go to a couple of clubs, do some dancing-"

"Oh no, Alice, I've still got finals coming up, and I have to get some studying done this weekend. Besides, you know I've never been the best dancer" I reminded her. The truth was that since hanging out with the werewolves, Leah Clearwater had become a good friend, and had taught me some basic dance moves, which I'd become half decent at, albeit in the privacy of my own home. I was too embarrassed to ever try it in public. But Alice didn't have to know about this new "ability" of mine.

Renee and Alice both looked at me like I was the forty-something woman in this group, instead of the youngest (and by _a lot_).

"Fine party pooper" Alice spat out.

"Don't you worry Alice. I'll make sure she's ready bright and early tomorrow morning." Renee promised. "She needs to unwind the way only another friend her age can help her do".

I had to press my lips together to keep from bursting out in laughter at that. Yeah right, friend my age. Alice just glared at me.

"Bella, I'll come get you tomorrow morning at 8:00 am sharp. You'd better be ready" Alice threatened. "Bye girls, enjoy the rest of the play" She quickly resumed her cheerfulness.

I gave her one last hug before I saw her again tomorrow morning, and she started to walk away, as graceful as ever, but slowly, for the watching humans, of course. As my mom quickly returned to the theatre, I decided to tease Alice one more time for old times sake, before I went in to endure the rest of that play.

"Oh, Alice" I called out, and when she turned around she smiled at me and said "Ha, ha, ha, Bella, I already know what you're going to say". Of course, she did, the little fortune teller. But I said it anway.

"But how will you know what room I'm in?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella, room 3750, far left corner".

"Hmmph", I smirked at her, a smile playing at my lips.

"And Bella" she continued, walking away backwards, "please wear comfortable shoes, I see plenty of dancing and shopping in our future".

Damn. I didn't see how she was going to get me to do that, but even after all these years, I wasn't going to bet against Alice.

And with that, she walked out of sight.

I took a deep sigh as I prepared myself to walk back into the theatre. Alice Cullen; I still couldn't believe it. There was really no one I could think of that I would've preferred to bump into.

_Yes there is, you liar_, my inner voice said to me. _There is one person_. But the truth was I could never "accidentally" bump into him. If Alice had had a vision of me being in New York City, that meant that he had seen it too. He saw everything she did. If he'd wanted to "accidentally" bump into me, he would've been here too. They were in fact, after all, just a hop, skip and a jump away, living in New York State now apparently. But of course, even that was too much effort for him to travel to see me. He had his distractions, he didn't need another. And I didn't particularly want to be just a distraction.

I looked towards the doors into the theatre. I felt happy and excited. More excited than I'd felt in a long time, but even that excitement wasn't enough to stave off the panic I felt at having to sit through the rest of that play. I went back to the theatre lobby, found some comfortable chairs, and sat down. I'd wait out here for my mom and Phil. If my mom came out and asked me why I hadn't returned to my seat, I'd just tell her the truth, or the partial truth anyway. I was scared of the phantom. If I had to go back in there and be subjected to the rest of that play, I'd be dreaming of a phantom all night. She didn't necessarily have to know who was the phantom that still haunted my nightly dreams.


	5. Ch 6 Everything I do I do for you

**A/N: Hi everyone! Here's the next chapter. Hope you guys like it! Edward lets us inside his head here. Things aren't looking very bright for him right now. I had some fun in this chapter adding in a little scene I'd always wondered about between Twilight and New Moon. Bella only lets us know that she and Edward had a wonderful time that first summer, but doesn't really let us know anything that happened. Since Edward had a birthday that summer, in June, I figured they would've done something special to commemorate it. I don't think they would've just ignored the date. So I gave him a very special birthday, I hope you guys agree. I figured since it was the one and only birthday he actually got to spend with her, it would've been a date that would've stuck out in his mind during his time away from her.**

**Please, please, please review after you read guys! I'd love to hear what everyone thinks, especially about this chapter. Edward is my favorite character, and I'd love to know how you all think I did with him! Please let me know! Thanks!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters, that lucky chick.**

**And of course, thanks to my sis Sammy for continuing to pester me for more!**

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**Chapter 6 – Everything I do (I do for you)**

_June 20, 2005_

_It was my birthday. Not the marking of the day that I'd been born to this immortal life, this life that had been empty for the past 8 decades (that is until the past few months). It was my actual birthday, the day I'd come into the world, 104 years ago. For the first time in decades, I was looking forward to the day. This year I had someone to share the day with, someone to celebrate with. I had my love, my Bella, and she was the only thing I wanted or needed on this day, or any day from now on for that matter. She was one of the most precious gifts that had ever been granted to this world. And she was mine._

"_Here he comes! Places everybody!" Alice whispered to everyone, as they heard me approach the house. Alice was planning on surprising me as I walked in. She should've known better by now. She knew I could hear everything they were saying and thinking behind those doors. I could see plainly through her mind that Emmett and Jasper were behind the sofa, waiting to pounce on me as soon as I opened the door, while she and Rose were crouched under the piano, and Carlisle and Esme were to the side of the door. It definitely wouldn't be much of a surprise, but I guessed they were just expecting me to play along at this point. I was so beyond happy this year that for once, I would enthusiastically oblige._

_Edward, I 'saw' that for once, you'd actually let us 'surprise you' on your birthday, so play it up for all it's worth please! You've got a great birthday present in it for you if you go along with our fun! I heard Alice think._

_I hope Alice doesn't get too carried away and lets Edward get back to Bella soon, my mother's thoughts ran out. Dear Esme, I could always count on her to know what I really needed._

_Aw Ed, thank you! You managed to pull yourself away from Bella long enough to come say hi to your family? We're honored! I heard Emmett thinking._

_I chuckled to myself as I opened the door, because it was true, I'd barely managed to pull myself away from Bella this morning because I knew my family wouldn't forgive me if I didn't at least stop by for some obligatory happy birthdays._

"_Surprise! Happy Birthday Edward"! They all yelled in unison as I walked through the door. In the next second Emmett and Jasper tackled me to the floor, barely missing Esme and Carlisle, who'd come to stand in front of me when I opened the door._

"_Damn guys, you got me" I playfully smirked at them as I pushed Emmett and Jasper off. "I had no idea!" I said sarcastically._

"_Hah, I told you we'd get him Jasper" Emmett yelled in his face. Jasper rolled his eyes. "Emmett, he knew exactly what we were planning, he's just playing along because Alice has 'told' him we have a surprise for him. Besides, Alice already told us we'd finally be able to tackle him this time"._

"_Yeah, but you still owe me" Emmett gloated. "You didn't think he'd actually let us do it!" he continued._

"_Jasper honey, did you actually doubt my vision?" Alice questioned._

"_Sorry honey" Jasper answered. "I should know better by now" he said sounding apologetic._

"_Yes, you should. Next time you doubt me I'm gonna have to-"_

"_Okay, okay, you two can continue your apologies and threats later" Rosalie cut in. "I know I for one, have other things to get to today, and I'm sure others of us" she glared at me "have places they'd rather be than here right now. So can we just get this show on the road already?" While she didn't exactly have the best intentions, I was grateful to Rosalie for trying to get things back on track. She was right, there were other places I'd rather be right now. Namely, in a little white house, in the small bedroom on the left, on the tiny bed, a brown haired angel waiting for me, keeping it warm…_

"_Okay, guys" I said. "I was very surprised. If I'd had an actual beating heart, you would've just stopped it. Em, Jazz, thanks for tackling me to the ground. That's always a great way to start a new year of my life. I'm sure it'll bode well for things to come."_

"_You are going to have a GREAT day, Alice encouraged me. Trust me, I've seen it and it's going to be so much fun!" she squealed._

"_Well, thanks for spying in on my day for me, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now if the rest of you don't mind, while I do appreciate your surprise this morning, I'm going to go change and get back to Bella. She's taking me out to dinner and a movie". I said this very proudly. My Bella, my love, was taking me out for my birthday. A year ago, I would've never believed such a thing to be possible, even if Alice herself would've predicted it. I would've never believed I would have someone so beautiful, so perfect, to share my day, my life, with. The past few months had been bliss (except for what happened with James a couple of months ago. The memory of that incident still burned me. The thought that I'd almost lost my reason for living, and all due to my own carelessness, was enough to send me into a serious state of depression, even on a day like today. I tried to put it out of my mind for now. While I definitely deserved to pay for being so reckless, and I'd never let myself forget what my irresponsible actions had almost cost me, what my very nature had almost cost Bella, I'd leave that self-castigation for tomorrow. Today, my sister had just informed me, would be utter bliss)._

"_Not so fast there loverboy" Alice continued. "There is one more part to your surprise, as I informed you before you walked in. It's the reason you let us get away with the first part, remember"?_

"_Of course, I remember Alice" I sighed. I was sort of hoping she would've been satisfied with getting the first part of her surprise accomplished. I really did just want to get going. _

"_Please, give me the rest of my birthday surprise" I said as I crossed my arms and waited for whatever was still to come. She'd successfully been blocking this last part from me for the past couple of days. Alice had her ways of blocking me from reading her thoughts when she really wanted to, so I had no idea what else she had in store for me right now. I just hoped that whatever it was wouldn't keep me from my love much longer. I'd told her I'd be back in one hour at the most._

_Alice theatrically cleared her throat and began, "Edward, what do you give the vampire that has everything?" Alice stated, dramatically. I could see she was going to make this into a speech. The rest of us all looked at eachother and rolled our eyes. I started to count down the minutes. I'd been away from Bella for about 23 minutes now. Alice was going to have to keep this short._

"_For the past few decades Edward, this family has pondered every year as to what would be a suitable gift for you on your birthdays". She continued. "Clothes? No. Thanks to me, you already have enough. Music? Sure, but it never seemed quite right. Books? You've had the classics for years, and always buy yourself anything new. Money, cars, weapons, blah, blah, blah. Nothing ever seemed to make you happy. You'd accept them all gracefully, but none of them ever seemed to actually please you. Why? What was missing? What did you actually need that this family couldn't provide you?" she paused dramatically again, for emphasis._

"_Love, Edward. You were missing love!" We all groaned, but we knew there was no stopping her. She'd probably seen herself giving this little speech, and she wouldn't stop until she'd gotten it all out exactly the way she wanted it. _

"_Yes, you had the love of your family, but it wasn't enough! You needed the kind of love that warms you on a cold winter's day, the kind of love that heals you when you're hurt, the kind of love that makes your heart soar to far-reaching heights." None of us pointed out to her the facts that as vampires, we were never neither cold nor hurt, and our hearts were too dead to soar._

"_You needed the love of a mate Edward, the love between and a man and a woman, and that was something that no matter how much we as your family wanted to find for you, you would have to find on your own. And now you have! You've found your love, your mate, and now you're able to smile! You can appreciate the beauty in this world! You hear the sweetness in a bird's song, you see the beauty in-"_

"_Enough Alice", Esme cried. " It's a beautiful speech, but if you don't cut it short, Edward's 'surprise' won't be worth anything."_

_Alice glared at Esme, but begrudgingly obliged. Although everything she'd been saying so far was true, I __**was**__ anxious to get going already. I'd been away from Bella for 28 minutes already._

"_Fine Esme, I 'saw' that you'd stop me at that point, but I was hoping you'd decided to let me finish. I'll get to the point." Alice said._

"_Edward, this year, this family's birthday gift to you is not material. We are giving you something much more precious, something each of us desires at one point or another but due to our family's-"_

"_Alice, the point?" Carlisle commanded._

"_Fine! Privacy, Edward! We're giving you privacy this year. We're all going hunting for the next 24 hours, and we're leaving the house to you so that you and Bella can enjoy your birthday in privacy. I know you're going to dinner and the movies, -by the way, don't let her order the nachos, she'll spill the cheese on herself and end up with second degree burns on her right hand-, but we thought instead of going back to Charlie's house straight after, you could bring her over here and you two can enjoy a couple of hours of peace and quiet. No father, no brothers and sisters, no one to see or hear anything. Well, except for me of course, but you know I can't help that" she finished._

_A huge smile spread over my face. "Alice, that's actually the best birthday present you all could have given me. Thank you all so much. Bella and I would really appreciate that"._

_My family all laughed. _

"_Just one thing Ed. The house better still be standing when we get back tomorrow" Emmett chided. _

"_Very funny Emmett, but Bella's not like that" I spat out, annoyed at my brother's crass remark._

"_From what I've felt emanating off of her when she comes over here, I don't think that's entirely correct, Edward" Jasper teased. "You seem to be preventing her from being 'like that', but she'd very much like to be 'like that'!_

_I glared at Jasper. How dare he poke fun at Bella's expense. Just because my brothers and sisters constantly went at it like bunnies didn't mean all relationships had to be that way. They're comment hurt me though, physically as well as emotionally. It physically hurt to lie there next to her some nights, trying to be a gentleman, and control the ache I felt emanating from certain regions of my anatomy. Bella was so beautiful, so desirable, it took all my strength as I lay in her bed, in her arms, to not turn to her, put my lips to hers, and slowly, gently, tug at her flimsy nightshirt, let my hand wander under that nightshirt, or under the hem of the sweatpants she slept in... _

_Stop! I said to myself. I would kill her! If I ever let myself lose control with her like that, I would surely kill her! No, I couldn't even let my mind wander like that, much less any other part of me. I had to be grateful for what I did have, I could never push my luck like that. Besides, regardless of whether I'd ever have the control to be with Bella like that, that wasn't how I'd been raised in my human life. Bella was a lady, and I would always treat her like one, no matter how crazy it drove me to be so close to her night after night, knowing she probably wouldn't object to me slowly pulling her shirt up, tracing my way to her –_

"_Uh oh" Jasper said. "I think you may have given loverboy here some ideas Emmett. Judging by the, shall we say, "emotions" Edward here is feeling right now, we may have to start hunting for a new house once we get back tomorrow after all" Jasper laughed._

"_Our physical relationship is none of your business!" I scowled at both of them. _

"_Or lack thereof" Emmett snickered to Jasper. They both burst out into a howl of laughter._

"_And stop calling me loverboy!" I yelled._

_This was why I spent most nights at Bella's. The teasing from my brothers was endless. Well, in reality I spent most nights at Bella's because I found it impossible to tear myself away, she was like a drug to me now. And not just because her blood called to me like no one's blood ever had before, but because her heart, her mind and yes, for the love of God, her body, were like an addiction to me now. A wonderful addiction for which I never wanted a cure._

"_Edward, just ignore them both" Alice called out. You know they act like two little hormone-riddled teenage boys who never get any, and therefore have to resort to teasing everyone else about it."_

"_Except we do get it, and we get it a LOT" Emmett leered at Rosalie._

"_Stop acting like an idiot and let's get going or else all you'll be getting is my foot up your-"_

"_Alright Rose, Alice, boys, that's enough. Let's go" Carlisle finally cut in. Edward, have a good time today, son. Happy Birthday once again, and we'll see you in the morning, my father thought to me._

"_Thanks Carlisle. I'll be with Bella, so I'm sure I'll have a wonderful day. Enjoy your hunt everyone. And thanks again". 35 minutes. I'd barely have time to shower and change before getting back to Bella on time._

"_Edward, just one more thing. She'll dance with you. Don't take no for an answer"._

"_Alice"_

"_That's it. That's all I'm saying. Bye Edward, have fun!"_

"_Alice, I think Bella's the one you should be warning about not taking 'no' for an answer" Emmett yelled back on his way out the door. "Sorry brother, but that one was just too easy to pass up" he chuckled._

"_Speaking of being too easy, -" Jasper started as he ran off with Emmett._

"_Jazz if you value your legs, you won't even finish that sentence" I warned him, in a low hiss._

_They all laughed as they ran into the woods and out of sight. I sighed. At least they were gone._

_The rest of the day was beautiful. Bella took me to Port Angeles (to my chagrin, we'd gone in her truck. Since it was my birthday, she wanted to be in charge of all the details. I didn't mind too much though, as long as I could still be next to her), where we went to "dinner" at Bella Italia, the restaurant where we'd had our first dinner together. This time, like last time of course, I didn't eat anything. I took pleasure in watching her eat though, and in getting to sit with her and enjoy a normal conversation with her, just like two normal people in love, out for a date night. Yes, I felt like exclaiming to everyone in the restaurant. We are a couple. She is mine, and I am hers. We're just like any other couple out for a romantic dinner, except that she is more lovely than any other, and my love for her is greater than any other love. I reveled in the feeling of being out in public with my Bella. It wasn't the food that made the dinner wonderful, it was the company._

_At the movies, I barely paid any attention to the screen, I was too busy trailing kisses up and down the side of Bella's neck. I'd purposely picked us seats all the way in the back of the theatre._

"_Edward, please, everyone's watching us" Bella tried to protest, but I could tell she didn't really want me to stop. I could feel the blush rising to her cheeks, and it made me want to kiss her even more._

"_So, let them watch. They should all be paying attention to the movie they paid good money to see anyway, not at us."_

"_Yes, but the show you're giving them is apparently so much more interesting" she whispered._

"_Well, then maybe we should get out of here so that we can continue celebrating my birthday in private, without all these nosy spectators" I offered._

"_That would be a great idea except for two things. One, this movie is part of your birthday present. You chose the movie, now you have to watch it. Two, and most important I might add, unless you can find some private corner to park my big red Chevy in and steam up the windows with one hot and heavy make-out session, we really won't be getting too much in the way of privacy right now. Charlie's home, and he won't be going to bed for a few more hours still, and your family, well you know I love them all to death, but they wouldn't know the meaning of privacy if it jumped up and bit them in their marble behinds"._

_I chuckled softly at this, and started nibbling on her ear as I whispered "Well my dear, I'd like to counter your two points, if I may. The first, yes, this movie is part of my birthday present, and as such, I believe I should get to decide whether I want to finish watching it or move on to other forms of, shall we say, celebrating? And as for the second, my family, whom you believe need to get bitten on their marble behinds to understand the meaning of privacy, have very generously removed themselves from the house for the remainder of the evening. They've all gone hunting and left the house entirely to me for the night"._

_Bella's heart stopped for two seconds, and just as I was about to get worried, started up again, much faster than before. "So you mean we've got the house to ourselves for the night?" she asked, eyes wide and on me now._

"_Yes, we do."_

"_And how long have they been gone?" she asked in a tiny whisper._

"_Since this morning. They left around the same time I went home to change"._

"_You mean they've been gone all day, all of them, not just some of them, but ALL of them, and we've been here in Port Angeles eating a dinner you don't even eat and watching a movie you haven't even been watching?" she asked incredulously._

"_Um, yes?"_

_She stared at me. _

"_So, would you like to come over for a little while? I'll get you home by your 12:00 o'clock curfew, I promise" I whispered into her ear. Since today was my birthday, and school had just let out for the summer, she'd begged Charlie to let her stay out a little later tonight, and thankfully, he'd relented._

"_Is that a trick question?" she answered, her eyebrows wrinkling together. God, I loved it when she did that._

"_So do you want to wait for the movie to finish?" I teased, already knowing the answer. Her heartbeat hadn't slowed down yet, in fact, it had sped up even more. "You haven't even had your nachos yet (which I wasn't planning on letting her get, thanks to Alice's warning)"._

"_Thanks to you, I couldn't even say what the movie was about if my life depended on it" she smiled. "And the last thing I need right now is nacho breath. Let's get out of here!" We both laughed as we practically ran out of the theatre (well, I ran and held her up to keep her from tripping in the dark)._

_At my house, we'd settled into the loveseat in the family room. We had the whole house to ourselves for the next few hours, and it felt good not having to hide out in my room, although my family could hear everything we said to eachother regardless. There would be no fear of that tonight. I dimmed the lights and turned the stereo on, where I'd already programmed a string of love ballads on my Ipod to play for the next few hours. _

"_So", Bella said, as I sat next to her and put my arm around her. She snuggled in close to me, the warmth from her body soothing my cold skin._

"_So", I responded._

"_What do we do now?" Bella asked, a gleam in her eyes._

"_Well" I said as I brought her to sit on my legs, trying to place her close enough to me so that I could easily reach her face, but not so close as to make her, or myself for that matter, uncomfortable, "I seem to recall you mentioning something in the movie theatre about some sort of kissing session" I whispered. I placed one hand behind her back, to keep her steady, and I used the thumb and forefinger from my other hand to bring her chin closer to mine. Slowly, ever so gently, I placed my lips on hers, and closed my eyes to revel in the sensation the warmth of her lips brought to every part of my stone body._

_After a few seconds, Bella slowly, hesitatingly, pulled her lips away from me. "And then what?" she asked, breathlessly._

"_And then…?" I questioned her._

"_Well, it is YOUR birthday. We are ALL alone in this house. We have complete and total privacy, and well, is there anything else in particular you might want for your birthday?" she blushed deeply as she said this, and her heart sounded like it was about to pop out of her chest._

_I sighed. "Bella, I'm grateful for what I have, and I know better than to ask God, or whoever or whatever is out there, for more. I already have so much more than I deserve, and asking for more would probably just bring on some premature wrath or something, and end in a Greek tragedy. So, let's play it safe, and stick to that make-out session you promised me". I moved in to kiss her again._

"_Playing it safe doesn't sound like much fun to me" Bella pouted. "And how do you know we wouldn't be perfectly safe?"_

"_Well it's not the "we" that I'm worried about being safe, it's the "you". I'd be perfectly safe, but unfortunately, I can't guarantee the same for you, and I won't ever take that chance when it comes to you."_

"_It just seems like such a boring way to end your birthday night. Isn't there anything else I can give you for your birthday", she said, trying to sound seductive. I groaned inwardly. Didn't she know how hard this was for me? Did she have to make her voice even more seductive than it was naturally?_

"_To answer you, kissing you can never be considered boring to me" I trailed kisses back and forth between her ear and her mouth. "I spend every moment of my existence thinking of having my lips on yours, so no, it is quite the opposite of boring, for me at least." I enjoyed the way her breathing quickened and the color rose to her cheeks. "And as for whether there is anything else you can give me for my birthday, there is one more thing, if you insist" I said, remembering what Alice had told me earlier in the day._

"_Well, if it's not…well, you know, then what is it?" she asked, barely able to speak as I softly, lightly kissed the edges of her lips. I loved it._

_I slowly pulled my face back then, so I could look deep in her eyes, and hopefully, convince her to give me this one thing. "Can I have a dance with you?" I asked her, this time __**I**__ tried to sound as seductive as possible, as dazzling as possible._

_Bella, who had been ready to give me anything, and I mean anything, a few minutes ago, closed her eyes, so as not to allow herself to be dazzled, I assumed._

"_Are you kidding me?" she answered, clearly not for the idea._

"_No. You asked if there was anything else I wanted for my birthday, and I'm telling you, I want to dance with you, here, tonight. Just you and me, all by ourselves"._

"_Edward, I thought you'd figured it our already a couple of weeks ago, at prom. I. can't. dance."_

"_Bella, I'm not asking you to go to another dance with me. Although I'd love to if you would. I'm just asking you for one little dance, here. No one's here to watch us, there's nothing to be afraid or embarrassed about". Her cast had finally come off just a few days ago, and I wanted to see what dancing with her without that thing weighing her down would be like._

_I gently grabbed her face and brought her eyes back to mine. "Please? Just one slow song. I'll do most of the work, you just have to stand there and let me lead you. Please". I smiled at her, the crooked smile I knew she was fond of, although why, I didn't know. Nevertheless, if it worked, all the better._

_She sighed deeply. "Fine!" she answered. "Only one song, and only because it's your birthday and I love you"._

"_Thank you. That's all I ask for" I told her. "One dance, and your love"._

_I gently placed her back on the loveseat as I got up to put on the song I'd planned for tonight's dance. It was one which I enjoyed listening to ever since I'd found Bella, and which seemed to have been made specifically for us._

_I found the song on my playlist and came back to Bella, who was still seated on the sofa. She heard the song that was playing and said "Oh, Renee loves this guy, she's always playing his music at home. This is a great song". _

_I took her hand and raised her to me, putting her hand to my lips and kissing it gently, "May I have this dance?" I asked, as I stared into her beautiful brown eyes._

_She laughed lightly. "Yes, you may" she answered, and I took her in my arms. She placed both her arms around my neck, and I put mine around her tiny waist. I dug my head into her shoulder, inhaling the wonderful scent of her hair. My lips were at her neck, and the song played on._

'_Look into my eyes, you will see, what you mean to me._

_Search your heart, search your soul. When you find me there you'll search no more._

_Don't tell me it's not worth trying for. You can't tell me it's not worth dying for._

_You know it's true. Everything I do, I do it for you.'_

_This moment here, I had not doubt was the pinnacle of my existence. Could life get any better than this? I doubted it. To have Bella, my love, in my arms, dancing with her, alone, the lights low, the music low, swaying to the music, whispering the words in her ear, words that I could not have put better myself, had I tried to explain to her what she meant to me. In truth, there were no words that could describe my love for Bella, my absolute devotion to her. But these lyrics, they came pretty close, and so I continued to softly sing them into her ear, as we continued to hold each other, our bodies so close together they felt as one,_

'_There's no love like your love, and no other could give more love._

_There's nowhere unless you're there, all the time, all the way.'_

_Bella continued to move with me, very quietly, never saying a word. I couldn't see her face, I had my face to her ear, and she rested her head on my chest, but her breathing was peaceful. She swayed gracefully with me from side to side, much better at this than she gave herself credit for. As the song slowly came to an end, I took one hand from around her waist and used it to gently pull her head off my shoulder, so I could look at her as I sang the last few words of the song to her. I needed to see her, I needed her to see how true these words rang to me._

'_Don't tell me it's not worth trying for._

_I can't help it, there's nothing I want more._

_Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you._

_Walk the wire for you. Yeah, I'd die for you._

_You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you'_

_As the song ended, she quickly put her head back on my chest, and we stood there together, motionless, just holding eachother, for what felt like hours. After what I'm sure was just a few minutes though, I noticed Bella's breathing become erratic, and I quickly brought her face to mine so I could see what the problem was. She had tears in her eyes, and I immediately panicked, thinking I'd somehow hurt her. Did I step on her?_

"_Bella love, what's wrong, what is it? Did I hurt you somehow?" I asked worriedly._

_She shook her head quickly. "No Edward, no. Of course you didn't hurt me"._

"_Then why are you crying?" I asked, as I gently wiped the tears off her beautiful face with my thumb. _

_She took a deep breath and looked deep into my eyes. "Edward, you make me so happy. That's why I'm crying. You make me so happy it hurts"._

_I knew exactly what she meant. I felt so much love inside for my Bella that sometimes there seemed to be a physical need for me to burst, as if holding all this love inside me would eventually result in me exploding. But as good as it felt, it also hurt. It hurt, because our relationship was still so fragile, still fraught with so many perils. There were so many obstacles to our relationship. There were so many things Bella wanted that I couldn't give her, so much she deserved that I could never grant her. It hurt, because I wanted to be able to give her anything and everything she asked for. I never wanted to have to say no to her. And I hated that, because of what I was, I HAD to say no to her. It hurt to say no, as much as I knew it hurt her to hear me say no. She wanted me, she wanted immortality, yet giving her these things would preclude her from ever having a family of her own, children, a future that wasn't damned. Giving her what she thought she wanted now would surely lead to her death, and I couldn't bare that. _

_There were still so many unanswered questions in our relationship, and it hurt not to know the answers. _

"_Bella,I love you with all my being. Everything I do, I do for you". There was nothing else I could say to her at that moment. Nothing more I could promise._

_She looked at me and smiled, as if accepting my insufficient words of affection, the little I had to offer. It was enough, her look said. Enough for now. I pulled her close to me again, and brought my lips to hers, gently pulling on her lips as I kissed her, wanting to do so much more, but not being able to, hindered by my very nature. Asking her to accept that this was all I could give her for now, and accepting her responsive kisses as acknowledgement of that fact. It wasn't fair to her and I knew it. She needed more from a man; she deserved more. She deserved someone who could kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed, who could hold her without her having to fear that she'd be crushed by that hold, who could marry her, give her children. She deserved someone who could offer her a life and a future, instead of someone who could only offer to take that life and future away. I was a selfish monster, and I knew eventually I'd have to pay for my selfishness. But there in her arms, at that moment, that night, I couldn't make myself walk away, I could only take and take, even though I had nothing to offer her in return._

We stood there for what seemed like hours that night, holding and kissing eachother. She had promised me one dance, but she stayed there with me like that for an eternity. And it was the memory of that love, that unselfishness, that burning for her, which kept me from going insane all these years later. I _had_ paid for my selfishness, and it had only happened a few short months after that perfect night. Bella had almost lost her life, again, due to my inability to stay away from her. It was then when I'd finally accepted the truth. I was living a lie. Bella was never meant for me. She was too good. I'd never done anything worth deserving her, and I'd been lying to myself at thinking myself lucky to have gotten her anyway. There was no such thing as luck in this world, not even for vampires. I'd reaped what I'd sown. It was time to let Bella lead the life she was meant to lead before I'd come along and complicated it. That it would leave me an empty vessel with no reason for living was inconsequential.

So here I was, 4 years later, the empty vessel that I'd become. Hiding out in my room, lost in my memories, for that was all I had left now.

"_I hope Alice finds whatever she's looking for"_ I heard Jasper think from downstairs, in our home in New York State. "_As long as she's safe, that's all that matters. She promised she'd let me know what's going on when she returns. I can wait until then, as long as she's safe"._

Ah yes; safety. We Cullen men were very big on the safety of the women we loved. I should know that. Nonetheless, it wasn't that I didn't care about Alice's safety; she was, by far, my favorite sister. I was just able to see her in a different light than Jasper. That little pixie could put any of our anger to shame when she got riled up enough. I'd seen her in action enough times to know his concern over her safety was most likely unfounded. Alice could very well take care of herself.

Whatever Alice was up to, she hadn't shared it with Jasper either apparently. That was strange. Why wouldn't she at least tell him what she was up to? Why would she need to go alone, without Jasper? And why was she being so cryptic about it? She hadn't been herself for a few days before her trip; a little quieter than usual, to those who couldn't read her mind at least. She was usually the life of the house; keeping everyone's spirits up in this meaningless existence of ours. This past week she'd reminded me more of a little tea kettle, boiling with anticipation and threatening to explode at any minute. Her eyes, the little I'd seen of them this last week, were dancing with excitement, as subdued as the rest of her tried to appear to be. And her mind, my God her mind had become so perverted that had Emmett been able to read her thoughts I'm pretty sure even he would have blushed. Alice's thoughts had gotten so painful to listen to that I'd been actively trying to shut them out for a few days before she left. Yes, she was definitely hiding something.

I sighed, as I continued to stare out the large window in my room. I'd been standing here for a few hours, 8 or 9 I supposed if I had to guess, I tried not to keep too much track of time anymore. It just made it pass all the slower. Alice's mystery had been on my mind on and off for the past couple of days, but I just didn't care enough to try to figure it out. She'd come back, she'd let Jasper, and the rest of us, in on her little secret, and that would be that. Life, or whatever this was, would continue; they would all go back to normal, back to their charades and facades; school, work, etc. And I, I'd still be here, stuck, by choice, stuck in this existence that meant nothing anymore, that hadn't meant anything since that day in the woods.

My mind wandered back to Bella, as it always did. It was always on her, in one way or another. This existence, this being that I was, gave me the ability to think of many things at once, and so therefore I could always be thinking of her, while thinking of something else. It was a benefit of my kind, or a curse. I hadn't really figured out which one yet.

"Bella", I closed my eyes and mouthed the word. I didn't say it aloud, as my family's extraordinary hearing would be sure to catch it. I didn't need any more of their pity and lamenting looks. They knew, we all knew, she was always on my mind.

"_Edward",_ I heard her respond in her melodic whisper, the voice I heard in the back of my mind, every moment of my painful existence.

"Bella I miss you so much" I mouthed out into the window, out to the woods, to no one. It was a sentence I was very familiar with. One which I uttered on a regular basis in one way or another, in my mind, barely mouthing the words as I did now, or occasionally when I found myself truly alone, out loud.

With my eyes closed, I saw her. I saw her lovely heart shaped face, her deep chocolate eyes that were both my sanctuary and my salvation. I smiled, and in my mind she smiled in response.

"_Edward",_ she repeated. She never said more. What else would she say to me, if she could? _"I miss you too?", "Edward, I don't believe you?",_ or the most probable _"Edward, you're a lying monster and I'm so glad to be rid of you?" _ I didn't know, so my mind had elected to just leave it at _"Edward"._

While she may not have said too much to me, I spoke to her constantly, always, about anything and everything.

"_Bella, I went hunting with Emmett and Jasper today. Emmett took down the biggest grizzly bear I've seen to date, without so much as a tear in his shirt."_

"_Bella, it's snowing so hard today. The rest are planning an epic snow fight; "one for the records" they're calling it. I'm just planning on staying indoors today."_

"_Bella, today's my 106__th__ birthday. Alice and Esme tried to talk me into going into the city to celebrate, but my ideal birthday consists of staying in my room and remembering my one and only birthday spent with you, in my house in Forks."_

"_Bella, I know today's your 20__th__ birthday. I hope this birthday, as well as all the birthdays you have left, are better than the miserable excuse for a birthday you spent with me"._

"_Love, today you're 22. I can only imagine how beautiful you must be by now. You've always been unbearably beautiful, but I can only imagine that that beauty has grown exponentially with your maturity"_

"_Bella, I still love you so much. I don't know how much longer I can stand this existence, this loneliness. But as long as you're safe, that's all that matters. I can bear anything except the thought of you not being safe"._

Bella was still my love, my best friend, my confidante; she always would be.

These past years without her, I'd never thought of trying to forget her. Emmett had once suggested it might ease my suffering if I tried. I didn't want to ease my suffering; I didn't want to forget. My memories of her were all I had left to keep me going. I saw her everywhere I went. She was in everything I did, in every word I spoke, in every thought I had. If I closed my eyes, all I saw were those chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, if I opened them she was there, a vision of heaven, the only heaven I would ever know. Forgetting her was not an option; she was my anchor to sanity; without my memories of her, of us, I would sink into a bottomless ocean of madness.

The one and only time I'd attempted to distract myself from my misery had been when I'd hunted Victoria, and that had been a total disaster. I'd never found her, and I'd ended up on the brink of insanity, crowded into a dirty old attic, no higher up in the evolutionary chain than the rats which surrounded me, completely lost to the world. If my brothers hadn't come for me – I shook my head at the memory. I knew I'd hurt my family immensely with all that had happened then.

When I returned to the family, Esme and Carlisle, my parents, had treated me like the supposed 17 year old whose body I was trapped in. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself. If I hunted, I had to go with someone. If I went for a walk, I had to go with someone. This may have angered me, had it not been for the fact that I went no where upon my return from South America. I'd gone to the room I'd been told would be mine, shut the door and never planned to come out.

It had been two weeks since my return from South America, and I hadn't left the room once.

"Edward". Alice had been the one to brave my lunacy and come into my room, after it had become apparent I had no intentions of ever coming out. I could see myself through her eyes as she saw me, laying on my bed, curled into myself, not moving, not seeing, not even hearing. I looked dead, even for a vampire, and I didn't care. By this time, I'd let my mind get lost in a world of my own making, where Bella and I could exist happily and without danger to her. I didn't appreciate my delusion being disturbed.

"Edward look at me" Alice asked again, her voice pleading for me to listen. "This has to stop. You chose this Edward. This was your decision, now face it. Don't hide from it. You made this decision and now you've left it to the rest of us to pick up the pieces. Face the consequences of your actions Edward! Be the man you always wanted to be for her, and face the consequences. If not content, at least be alive. If not for yourself, do it for your parents and family". My sister was apparently not beyond using the guilt trip.

"We're hurting too Edward. And Jasper, he feels everything you feel too. It's getting so bad he can hardly get out of bed himself. He feels all the pain you're feeling, as well as ours, and it's hurting him. You won't even let him try to help you with the pain. Esme cries all the time. She worries that you'll try to leave us again. Emmett's like a little lost puppy without you. He mopes around the house, not knowing what to do with himself. You know you've always been his favorite brother. Even Rose misses you Edward. She hides in the garage all the time, tinkering with the cars, placing and replacing pieces. I know she misses your help. We want to be here for you Edward, but you're shutting us out. Please let us help you. Please Edward, come back to us".

And on that last sentence Alice's voice had cracked, and she'd broken down and sobbed tearlessly, uncontrollably, into her hands. I could hear her thoughts. _Edward, what do I say, what do I do, to make this better? I can't see you beyond this and it scares the hell out of me. Just tell me what we need to do to get beyond this._

My sister's broken sobs were the only thing that broke me out of my slide into a slow insanity. I'd caused my family enough pain; I couldn't stand to see Alice now fall apart because of me.

By then it had been almost one year since I'd left Forks, since I'd left Bella alone in the woods, forcing her to fend for herself even as I made her promise me to stay safe. As illogical as it seemed, leaving her there was the only way I knew to finally make her safe. Because I'd finally realized that the only real danger lurking about her was myself. I wasn't the protector I'd made myself out to be for the past few months. Trips, tumbles and falls she'd survive. She'd managed to get through almost 18 years of her life with just a few scrapes and cuts, a few stumbles, but nothing life-threatening. The life-threatening accidents hadn't started until I'd entered her life. From Tyler's van to Jasper's attack, they had all occurred once I'd entered her life. Bella could survive some falls, what she wouldn't survive was me.

As Alice rose to leave my room, dejected at my lack of a response to her speech, I asked her one question. I broke my own rule, and asked her to do the one thing I'd made her promise not to all those months ago.

"Alice, is she safe?" I asked, still lying curled in on myself, my eyes open now.

Alice appeared shocked at first that I'd actually spoken, much less asked her to look in on Bella after so long. She quickly recovered herself and answered me in a low whisper.

"Yes Edward. She's safe".

We were quiet for a while, neither one of us knowing what to say. "Thanks, Alice" I said. "Good". And with that I got up and followed her out of my room, down to our waiting family, to begin what was to be an existence of quiet desperation, alive enough to keep my family pacified, but deader inside than my vampiric nature could have ever intended for me to be.

That was when I'd accepted it. I _had_ chosen this. This was my decision, and I had to face it. I couldn't keep hiding from it, hiding from the pain. This had been my _only_ choice. After what had happened at Bella's birthday party all those months ago, I knew the only way for her to be safe was to take myself, and the rest of my family away from her. We were too dangerous, _I_ was too dangerous to be a part of her life. I'd been fooling myself for all those months, pretending to be human like her, imagining that our relationship could ever end in anything other than tragedy. We were a walking Shakespearean Tragedy, but I refused to let her play Juliet to my Romeo. Her life would not be cut short because of my selfishness.

I realized I couldn't keep hiding in a make believe world where Bella and I would live happily ever after. It hadn't worked in real life, it wasn't going to work here, locked up in my room. Back in Forks, my real life fantasy had almost killed Bella; here in my new home, it was destroying my family. I had to let the fantasy go once and for all; Bella and I were not meant to be. I couldn't continue to live in a fantasy world where Bella and I were together again, happily. But that didn't mean I had to forget. I could still remember what we had shared, and I could still keep her part of my life, in my mind at least, through my memories; I could dwell on every single detail of our memories.

A few months after my return from South America, Carlisle approached me as I sat outside on the porch to our house, lost in thought as usual. He sat next to me, "_Son, I think it's time you joined your brothers and sisters at the university"_ Carlisle thought to me. This was not a request. _"I know things haven't been easy, but you must remember what we are". _As if I could ever forget what we were_. We must keep up appearances, if not for our sake, then to ensure the safety of the rest of this family."_

I knew my constant misery was irritating for everyone. My moping made everyone in the house uncomfortable. I knew all this, but I couldn't change it. Perhaps getting myself out of the house would at least give everyone a breather, some time without having to put up with me. Without looking in his direction, still staring straight ahead, I gave Carlisle a silent nod. I would prepare to go back to school. Had I known what a disaster that would turn out to be, I would've never agreed to it.

The first day of the new semester, Alice, Emmett and I showed up at our first class of the day. They still didn't want to leave me alone, so they'd decided to take the Physics course with me, while Rosalie and Jasper went to a Philosophy class they'd been interested in.

I sat in my seat, already dreading the rest of the semester. The other students slowly filed into the classroom, and I could hear all their mundane thoughts as they made their way to their seats.

"_I hope this is an easy class. I don't feel like having my head stuck in a book for the rest of the semester"_

"_Oh good, there's still some seats left in the back"_

"_He better call me tonight, or I swear I'll-"_

"_Wow, that chick is hot! Wonder if she's taken"_

"_My friend told me the syllabus for this class is tough, I better make sure I-"_

I tried to drown all the thoughts out, and concentrate on what I was doing hear, trying to give my family some peace of mind.

"_Ooh, OhmyGod, he's gotta be the finest guy I've ever laid eyes on! Look at that face. Look at that body! And that hair, such a strange color. OhmyGod I could run my fingers through that forest all day"!_

I rolled my eyes as I heard that last one. I really didn't need this today. I looked up out of curiosity to put a face to these inane thoughts, and immediately felt nauseous. The girl to whom those thoughts had belonged to sat staring at me shamelessly, and didn't look away when she saw me catch her eye, confusing my disbelief for actual interest. She had long brown hair, almost exactly the same length Bella used to wear hers, and enormous brown eyes, although not as chocolaty smooth as Bella's were, but the similarities were there. Under normal circumstances, brown hair and brown eyes meant nothing. They were commonplace, belonging to probably half of the human population. But as I had not been around the human population in over a year, and as the last person I'd seen with long brown hair and brown eyes still haunted me, this sight was very disturbing, to say the least. I had to physically hold on to my seat to keep myself from fleeing the room. The girl however, continued to stare. She gave me a leering smile, obviously meant to catch my interest, but which just served to shake me out of my glaring, and finally look away.

"_Woohoo, I think he's interested"_ she thought. _"I'll have to go talk to him after class"_.

I was going to have to make a run for it after class. I groaned quietly.

Emmett and Alice, who'd been sitting on either side of me, looked at me to see what the problem was. I gave them a quick nod with my head in the direction of the girl, and they quickly understood.

"Ed, man, just don't look at her. Pay attention up front" Emmett thought.

"_Wow, the guy next to hottie is cute too. I'll freaking take either one. Hell, I'll take'em both if I can get'em. mm, mm, mm"_

Ugh! I grimaced. She was disgusting! Obviously hair and eye color were where the similarities to my Bella ended.

Suddenly, Alice's eyes glazed over momentarily, so fast that all I caught was the end of her vision, which had me outside the university, dry heaving, and yelling at Emmett. I looked at her in confusion but as the class was beginning, all she had time to whisper to me in a voice too low for humans to hear was "I'm sorry Edward! I didn't see! She was a last minute addition to the class and I didn't see-"

Before she could finish, I heard it. The professor had begun taking attendance and he was up to the C's.

"Isabella Collin" he called out, and another girl, a girl with short blond hair, answered "here".

This was too much. In 5 short minutes, in my first class of the day, in this hellhole, I'd had 2 reminders of my Bella. The first, a physical reminder of what she looked like. The second, an uncanny approximation to the name I'd once wished for her to have, the name I used to daydream she'd carry as I lay in bed with her, those months back in Forks, when I was still lying to myself.

"Edward Cullen" the professor continued with attendance. I couldn't answer.

"Edward Cullen" he repeated.

"_Edward, he's calling your name. Answer_!" Emmett thought to me. I remained silent. I looked at my brother and sister, who were both staring at me anxiously, not knowing what I was about to do, not even Alice, as I hadn't decided yet what to do. I wanted to stay, not for myself, but for them, for my parents, to give them some peace knowing that I'd returned to at least some sort of semblance of a life. I wanted to put them at ease, so they could continue with their lives without always having to feel sorry for me. Without having to always look over their shoulders when they wanted to laugh freely, or when they wanted to kiss their significant other; afraid to hurt me, not knowing that I was beyond hurt. I wanted to do these things, but I couldn't. I quickly got up and ran out of the room as fast as a human could possibly have done.

When I got outside the school, I continued running. I ran away from the building. I ran away from the peering eyes. I ran away from all the reminders of _her_ lurking in every corner. Brown hair, brown eyes, names, places, anything and everything would remind me of her, of what I'd lost. I had to get away. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready. I realized that no matter where I went or what I did in the human world, I would be constantly reminded of her; for that's what she was, human.

I reached the edge of the woods, and I stopped at a tree, using it to support myself as, surely as Alice's vision had predicted, I dry heaved and panted, stopping only when I heard Emmett approaching behind me.

"Edward, are you okay?" Emmett asked.

"No, Emmett, I am not okay. I'm not okay now, and I'm not going to be okay tomorrow. I'm not okay and as much as I hate putting you all through this, there's nothing I can do about it!" I yelled. I hated myself for taking it out on him, but I couldn't stop myself.

"There is something you could do about it" he spoke to me calmly, matter-of-factly, and I could hear him as he thought "_You could go back. Maybe it's not too late. Maybe she'd take you back_".

This was the thought that haunted me day and night. The desire to go back. The selfish monster within me, convincing me that I'd made a mistake by leaving. That it wasn't too late to rectify that mistake. That Bella, in her forgiving nature, would take me back, and we could go back to the way things were, pretending once again. Pretending that somehow, we'd live happily ever after. Yes, I'd this thought too. But somehow, hearing it from Emmett's mind helped me strengthen my resolve. I was able to see how delusional that thought was. I could never go back. She had to stay safe. I unleashed my fury at the unfairness of it all on Emmett.

"NO EMMETT, I CAN'T GO BACK! I LOVE HER, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I CAN'T PUT HER IN DANGER AGAIN, I CAN'T GO BACK!"

Emmett looked at me, and waited for me to calm down. He then responded calmly once again.

"But if you love her, if you truly love her, how can you stay away? I could never stay away from Rosalie".

"What if you were a danger to Rosalie, Em?" I answered, more resigned. "Would you stay with her then, if your very presence put her life at risk?"

"She and I, we'd fight whatever the risk was, together. That's what people in love do. They fight things together" Emmett answered.

"Bella is not Rosalie, Emmett. She is not an indestructible vampire. She is a very mortal, very fragile human, and she wouldn't be able to fight".

"Did you give her the choice?"

I didn't answer.

"Edward, did you give her the choice, or did you just decide for her, like you decided for her in regards to her humanity?"

"There was no choice Emmett! There never was! I did what I had to! I made the only choice available to me that would give Bella a chance at a normal life!"

Emmett didn't say anything. I could hear in his thoughts that he didn't agree, but he was sick of having the same argument with me. I'd had this argument with my family over and over months ago, and as much as they didn't agree, they didn't see the point in hashing it out anymore. I was grateful for that.

"Are you going to come back to class?" Emmett asked.

I took a deep breath. "No, Emmett, I'm not going back. I'm not ready yet. Perhaps next semester, we'll see".

And with that, we walked back to the school, where Emmett returned to class with a story about how I didn't feel well, and I picked up my Volvo and drove home, to tell Esme that she'd be stuck with me at home for a few more months at least.

A few more months turned out to be a few more years. I'd turned out to be what some may have called a college drop-out (although since I'd technically completed college a dozen or so times, the name didn't really fit). Eventually, Carlisle and Esme gave up on pestering me about the university and allowed me to stay home. I tried to stay out of my family's way as much as possible throughout the past few years, but they periodically tried to drag me out of my room if I stayed in there too long. Eventually somebody would come knocking, either Emmett to play video games, or Jasper to play chess, or even Rosalie once in a while, to help her tune one of the cars. I obliged as much as possible. I knew I was a burden to my family, and I tried to ease that burden as much as I could.

But this wasn't a life. This existence I was burdened with now, this could not be considered a life. I had nothing. I felt nothing. My only feelings came to me from living in the past, from my memories. Nothing in the present made me feel. I went through the days as if in a trance, existing but not feeling, not caring. Hunting when necessary, but taking no joy in it. Joy had been abandoned by me in the woods years ago. I did not deserve it. I did not deserve her.

My sister Alice's parting words came to me, the words she'd spoken before she left on her little adventure a couple of days ago.

"There's change coming Edward. We're turning a corner" she'd said. I didn't know then, and I couldn't understand now, what she'd meant. All I knew was that she was wrong. There were no changes coming, nor corners to be turned, at least not for me. I would stay exactly how I was, where I was, for eternity. Alone, miserable, full of regrets. Knowing that my one and only chance at happiness had been a joke from whomever or whatever controlled us out there. Someone out there had thought it would be funny to have me fall in love with perfection, with someone so pure that there would be no way I could ever aspire to merit her. My whole existence was a joke.

_No Alice_, I thought. _There are no changes coming_. _Only the same_. The same nothingness would be mine to drown in for the remainder of my existence.

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**There you have it guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it ends on a sad note, but it'll get better for him. It has to, at some point. I also enjoyed having Edward show some more of his, shall we say, lusty side? I just couldn't picture him lying next to Bella night after night and not getting somewhat excited, if you catch my drift. He is a man after all (and what a man he is)! So I tried to show the fact that he had needs and desires for Bella just as much as she did for him, but because of his self-loathing and fear that he'd hurt her, he never allowed himself to act on them (plus the fact that he's a perfect gentlemen).**

**So please, please please review guys if you liked this chapter! And even if you didn't, review anyway. I want to know how many people are reading this story, and what you think of it, good or bad. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 7 Confessions

**A/N: This chapter is pretty long, don't know if that's a good thing or bad. I tried to fit in some necessary stuff, and this was the result.**

**We're getting pretty close to E & B seeing eachother once again, and I'm desperate to get to that! Unfortunately, there's still some things that have to be dealt with before that happens.**

**Nevertheless, Edward will be back soon, and he's going to have to make some serious decisions!**

**Finally, if you are reading this story, Please, Please, Please leave reviews. Please????**

**Let me know what you like, what you don't like, what you think of the pace of the story, whether you think this chapter was too long, etc. Thanks! I'd love to hear it all. I'm just as nosy as Alice (and Edward, for that matter)!**

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Chapter 7 – Confessions

Bella

When I was a little girl growing up with Renee, she was always trying out new things with me. When I was five, she put me in Ballet, assuming all little girls would love Ballet. I hated it from day one. All the other little girls learned first position easily. To me, it couldn't have been harder if it were actual Rocket Science. Every time I tried to form the "V" with my legs, I'd trip over my own heels and fall.

When I was 7, someone gave her the inane idea that Gymnastics might help me with my coordination. The bars became my mortal enemies, as I couldn't even walk in a straight line on the even ground, much less on a long, thin bar. After a few months of that torture, Renee gave up on that idea too.

At 12, Renee started buying me makeup. She assumed that as a preteen, makeup would be at the top of my "things I need to survive" list. She'd come into my room every morning and offer to help me put on blush and lipstick, and try out new "hairdos" on my long hair. It took her months to figure out that as soon as I made it to school, I'd run to the bathroom and wash off all the makeup and loosen my hair.

Renee's last ditch effort at a Bella makeover came when I was 15.

"All 15 year olds love to go shopping for clothes, don't they?" she asked me every time I moaned about an upcoming trip to the mall.

"Mom, I've got jeans, t-shirts and sneakers, I don't need anything else!" I'd insist.

"But Bella, we've got to get you some of those short skirts all the girls are wearing! And you need some accessories, and a manicure and pedicure wouldn't hurt either!"

"Mom, really, please just save your money! I don't need any of that!"

Renee would sigh and shake her head, and then finally, thankfully, one day she stopped insisting. I was not a girlie girl. I wasn't a tomboy either, but makeup, clothes, jewelry, fashion, etc. were not my thing. She'd had one child in her life, and that child was too much like her father; simple, not wanting anything that called too much attention to herself. She loved me, yes of course, but I knew she'd been slightly disappointed. I couldn't help it though, no matter how much she'd tried over the years, that just wasn't me.

So for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how I'd ended up in this position now. It was not Renee this time, trying to coax me into being a makeup-loving fashion diva, it was Alice. Alice, for the past 6 hours had turned me (or was in the process of trying to) into a New York City couture queen, complete with a visit to the Red Door Salon and Spa, where we'd been pampered, primed and soaked for hours, until I thought my head would explode from all the different mushy stuff being applied to every part of my body. This was followed by a trip down Madison Avenue, a street I would have never walked down on my own in my wildest dreams, or nightmares for that matter. Dolce & Gabbana, Hermes, Gucci, Dior, we did it all.

How had I allowed this to happen? Even now, I couldn't figure out how I'd let her convince me to go along with this.

"Please Bella, I haven't seen you in so long! Just consider it a graduation gift! Please, you let everyone else get you a graduation gift, you have to let me!" she'd whined. And I hadn't seen her in so long, and I _had _missed her so much, that somehow, I'd let myself forget how I hated all this, how I'd hated it growing up with my mom, and how I'd still hated it when Alice had tried to make me her own little Barbie doll back in Forks.

At the salon, our first stop of the morning, Alice and I had done some catching up while soaking our bodies in brown mush.

"Alright Bella, tell me everything! Tell me everything you've been up to for the past few years! I want to hear all the details."

_Everything?_ I thought. No, that was impossible. There was no way, no matter how much I loved Alice, no matter how much I would've loved to have been able to talk to someone else about the events of the past few years, that I could tell her everything. It was just too much. So much had happened after that night her brother had left me in the woods, to just a couple of days ago, when Jacob had semi-proposed to me. I was grateful then, that she was not the mind-reader in the family. And as I had that thought, I thought of another reason why I couldn't bare my soul to Alice. Because there was so much I didn't want _him_ to know, and telling Alice would be the same as telling him. There were just some things that I would have to carry on my own for the rest of my life, nightmares that would only haunt me, as it should be. So I decided to keep it light. There was still plenty we could safely talk about anyway.

"Well, I'll be graduating college next month", I said to her. "That's why I'm here in New York, it's a graduation present from my mom and Phil".

"Yes, I sort of saw that in my vision of you" she said. I glared at her.

"Do you still 'see' me Alice?" I asked her, wondering if she already knew everything I meant to hide.

Alice shifted in her seat a bit, looking somewhat uncomfortable, which was unusual for a Cullen. We'd already had a few awkward moments of silence this morning. I wondered if, and when, we'd be able to get past that. We would definitely have to clear the air on certain subjects if we were to get past the awkwardness, but I wasn't sure if either of us was willing to bring up those subjects.

"Actually Bella, I haven't been able to 'see' you for years. I always wondered why that was. Because you're human possibly? Or because of the distance? I doubt that's the case though because I've never had trouble with seeing through distances before. In either case – she sighed, sounding sad – "my vision of you last week was the first one I've had of you in years". There was an awkward pause again. This revelation actually answered a few questions for me, but I wasn't ready to share that with Alice, at least not yet.

"But Oh God Bella!" she exclaimed, her usual exuberance back. "I can't believe you're going to be a college grad now! Do you have any plans for after graduation?"

"Well, I'm sort of working on opening up a bookstore in Forks" I said a bit shyly. It made me self-conscious to talk about myself. "You remember how there wasn't any good bookstores in Forks? I don't know, I just thought it might be interesting" I mumbled, keeping my eyes to the floor.

"Bella, that's a great idea!" Alice said, genuinely excited. "Yes, of course I remember the lack of a good bookstore. You and-" she stopped abruptly, seemed to rephrase her sentence and continued "Yes, _you_ were always running up to Port Angeles or something to hunt for good books. Of course, that's exactly what Forks needs! I'm sure it'll be a hit, and who better to run a bookstore than you!" she gushed.

"Alice, it's so overwhelming sometimes, but exciting at the same time, you know? I've got so much to do; books and merchandise to order, wholesalers to deal with, and the store itself is still such a disaster! It's right next to Newton's and it's been empty for a couple of years, so it needs lots of work; paint and touchups, shelving to put up,

displays-" I continued, exasperated.

"Oh Bella, I wish I could be there to help you get it started!" she interrupted, with genuine longing in her voice. I thought about that and realized this sort of adventure would've been right up Alice's alley. "I have so many ideas!" She sounded so excited that my own excitement started to grow exponentially.

Abruptly once again, we both became quiet. As happy as I was to be with Alice after all these years, I wasn't sure what exactly this reunion meant. Now that we'd "bumped" into each other after all this time, what would we do next? Was this the beginning of a renewed friendship between Alice and I? Had enough time passed? Was I whole enough now to be able to discard the memories associated with her departure? Could I be friends with her without it bringing up too much of the pain associated with Edw- I didn't even want to finish thinking the name in such close proximity to his sister. Did she even _want_ to stay in touch after this weekend was over? Or was her last statement just kind words, something one would say to soothe an anxious, stressed out acquaintance. And what would _he_ think of Alice and I keeping in touch? Would he be concerned that I would somehow try to use this to squirm my way back into his family's life, into _his_ life? There were so many questions for which I did not know the answer, and I suspected Alice, as much as she knew of the future, did not know the answers to many of them herself. For now at least it seemed, both Alice and I were determined to carry on with this reunion, pretending there would be no ramifications; pretending there weren't so many unknowns hanging in the air.

"Well, I've got Charlie to help me" I said, "and I've got a friend from school who'll be coming to help me fix the store up to look half decent; she's real sweet". I thought of Gabby. I'd met her in my Lit class lat year, and we'd become pretty good friends. I didn't spend much time with her outside of the university, but I enjoyed the time we did spend together. I'd told her about the bookstore when we'd discussed our plans for after college, and she'd volunteered to help me fix the store up. She was, like many kids in my graduating class, I'd realized, still undecided as to what she was going to do after graduation.

I took a deep breath as I made a split second decision to get at least one of the unknowns between my old friend and I out in the open.

"And of course, Jake'll help me whenever he can".

I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid this topic forever, not with how unbelievably nosy Alice was, even if she did seem to be trying her best to keep things light. She was going to let me lead, in regards to the pace we took in "catching up" with each other. But I could tell it was killing her. I decided to save my friend from the dangers of possibly exploding from the curiosity, and just bring the subject up myself. Of course, there was only so much about this subject I was going to share. I would just cover the basics. She could never learn the details of my relationship with Jake.

"And Jake is….?" Alice questioned, curiosity burning bright in her golden eyes.

I sighed quietly. "Jake's my boyfriend" I answered, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as possible. After all, what difference did it make? Her brother had left me, not the other way around. There was no reason for this announcement to make me uncomfortable. But it did.

"Oh" Alice said, smiling softly. "So how long have you two been together?"

"Over three years" I answered. Truthfully, Jake had been there for me much longer than that, but I hadn't been able to make the commitment to be his girlfriend until about a year after _he_ left. Then with everything that had happened during those first couple of years, my commitment to Jake had grown even stronger. I owed him so much; I owed him my life.

"Wow" was all Alice answered to that. "So, what's he like? How'd you two meet?" she asked. She was very intrigued, the way one girlfriend would be about her good friend's love life. I momentarily wondered how much of this would make its way back to _his_ mind, but then decided, it didn't matter; _he_ wouldn't care one way or the other. Either way, I wasn't going to divulge anything too private. How much could I tell her about Jake's background? How much did she know about the Quileutes? I didn't want to raise her suspicions. _Keep it to the basics_, I told myself.

"I met him in Forks" I said, hoping that would satisfy her. "He's very funny, and fun to be with. He keeps me laughing, and he's always there for me. He's… a godsend really. I don't know what I would've done without Jake". Except I did know. I would've been dead without him.

"Well, he sounds like a great guy" Alice said after a few seconds. And although she sounded genuinely happy for me, I thought I detected some sadness in her voice too. I couldn't understand why. Nevertheless, I felt it was time to turn the conversation away from me. There wasn't much more I was ready to discuss regarding Jake right now. And that topic had gotten even more complicated since his semi-proposal a few days ago.

"So, what's been going on with you?" I asked her, deciding to get another of the slightly taboo subjects out of the way. "How's Jasper? How's …" I hesitated, "How's the rest of your family?"

"Oh, I've been fine" she answered. "Jasper's well too. We've been living Upstate, as I told you. We've been…" she hesitated for a split second; would the answers ever flow freely between us? "in college also, like you" she smiled. "We graduated a couple of weeks ago actually. Of course, we've graduated a dozen times at least, so it's no where near as special for us as it will be for you" she said teasingly.

"Carlisle's been working at the local hospital, but now that we've graduated, I guess we'll have to start looking for somewhere new again" she said with a sigh of frustration. "Everything else has been…"- she looked away, as if searching for the right words – "the same. You understand our existence. Not much changes. Everything usually remains the same, more or less" she said sadly, once again.

Yes, I supposed I understood. It must get monotonous to live forever. Things like school, work, living, loving became routine to immortals, I supposed. And that's where the need for distractions would come in. I recalled how I'd once wanted so desperately to join them in their immortal existence. I really couldn't have cared less about the monotony of routines, as long as it meant having him by my side for eternity. Everything would've been new, everything would've been an adventure with him by my side. I'd known without the slightest doubt that I would've never grown tired of him, of living, as long as he loved me. I would've never needed a distraction from him, of that I had been sure; sure enough to gamble my life on it.

As these thoughts pervaded, I knew the hole was starting to open up again inside me, and that this was very bad timing for an anxiety attack. Alice would be able to see right through me; she would catch the slightest grimace, the slightest falter in me. I couldn't let it show now. If there was ever a time to rip myself from this train of thought it was now. I had no guarantees that Alice would be willing, or able, to hide my pain from him, and I definitely didn't want him to know the mess he'd left behind. Not now. It didn't matter anymore now. No good could come of it.

I didn't want to continue this conversation, it was getting too dangerous, and I wasn't ready for that much honesty. My tongue was itching to ask her so many questions, and I knew if I didn't change the subject, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. _How is he? Where is he? Did he finally find his true love? Does he ever think of me, in between distractions?_ I didn't want to know the answers to some of these questions, but my masochistic heart did. I decided to lighten up the mood once again. It would be the only way I'd survive this reunion.

"Alice, I bet you come down to the City a lot" I exclaimed, in a not-so-subtle attempt at changing the subject. Thankfully, Alice seemed as desperate for levity as I was at this point.

"Oh Bella, I really do love this State! I can get anything and everything for myself and the family here. I bet we can even find you some great props for the bookstore here. I know exactly where we can go look…" she continued.

I tuned her out after a while, grateful to recapture some of the levity of earlier in the day.

After a few more hours of torture, also known as City Shopping with Alice, we'd finally made it back to the hotel, dozens of bags in tow. I didn't know how I was going to get all of my "graduation gifts" from Alice back home. I was tempted to leave half of it in the hotel when I left tomorrow, but as soon as I'd had the thought, Alice had glared at me from across the elevator and threatened "Don't you dare Bella Swan. I know your address and I'll just have it all shipped!"

"Well, I'm glad to see you're 'seeing' me so much better now" I'd grumbled to her, to which she'd unabashedly responded, "Yes, so am I, you have no idea!"

I threw my bags on the hotel room floor, and threw myself on the bed. I was exhausted. Alice had helped me bring my bags back to my room and then we'd agreed to meet back in the lobby in three hours. We were going to dinner together, though her dinner would just be for show. I'd called Renee earlier and she'd said Phil's team had won the game and were planning on going out straight from there to celebrate. Alice had then happily made us reservations at some "in" restaurant/club in Manhattan.

"Are you sure we'll get in?" I'd asked her, after she'd announced where we were going and told me how "I should thank my lucky stars I know Alice Cullen".

"Rosalie and I come down here once in a while. Rose may be a pain in the ass, but she can sure get in anywhere. We have a considerable amount of pull in there" she'd bragged.

I pictured the frozen in shock faces of anyone laying eyes on Rosalie as she actually tried to look more inhumanly beautiful than normal. I pitied them.

"Rest Bella. You'll need your energy for tonight" Alice said as she prepared to go back to her room.

"Why?" I questioned. "What's going on tonight besides dinner?"

"Silly Bella! Don't you remember? I told you, I saw us going out, having a nice dinner, or at least you will, I'll just order something pretty to play make-believe, and then we're gonna be dancing!" she exclaimed happily, as she wiggled her tiny hips from side to side.

I looked at her for a couple of seconds, and then laughed.

"Alice, I know you can see the future and all, but I have to tell you, that's really funny" I continued laughing, not quite as confident as I tried to sound. "There is no way in hell I'm going to be dancing tonight" I said to her.

"Fine Bella, We'll see. We'll see" she sang confidently.

"Ugh" I groaned, and through my head back on the bed. I hated that she was so confident about it. 24 hours ago, I would've bet my life I wouldn't have had a day like today. Yet here I was, looking like Paris Hilton on speed. I was terrified because somehow or another she was probably correct about tonight.

After the little bundle of energy aka Alice left, I decided to take a quick bath and then call Jake. I hadn't spoken to Jake since the night before, and that conversation had been very short. Things still felt a bit strained between Jake and I since our last face-to-face conversation back in his garage. I knew he wasn't trying to make me feel uncomfortable, but as with Alice, questions hung in the air that neither of us were willing to ask right now. I sighed; I was doing that a lot this trip. Why did it seem like in the past 96 hours or so, my most important relationships had become so strained?

I went into the bathroom and took a nice hot bath, soothing my muscles and feet from the long day with Alice. I wrapped myself in one of the thick terry towels from the hotel and set myself back on the bed. As I dialed Jake's number, I found myself half hoping he wouldn't pick up, and I hated myself as soon as that thought crossed my mind. It would just be so much easier right now if he was busy, or away from his phone or something.

I hadn't told him about Alice when I spoke to him last night. _Why?_, I asked myself as I heard the phone ring on his side. Why had I not mentioned it? What would I tell him I spent today doing? And what would I tell him I'd be doing tonight? Could I casually bring Alice up now? _Oh, guess what. I bumped into Alice yesterday. Who's Alice, you ask? Edward Cullen's sister, remember? Yeah, that Edward; the one who broke my heart and left a mess behind for you to pick up…_

I quickly shook that thought out of my head. Edward didn't know; there was no way he could've known what he was leaving behind, Alice had more or less confirmed it today. I'd never blamed him for any of what happened after he left, but I knew Jake did. Jake hated Edward, and all Cullens by association. Not to mention the fact that they were vampires. He wouldn't be thrilled to know about Alice.

"Hey Bells, how's the big city going?" Jake asked as he picked up the phone on the ninth ring.

"It's been fun Jake, but I think I'm starting to miss Forks" I answered. Hearing his voice now made me feel guilty for all I'd been thinking before he picked up. I felt as if in the past few days, my life had gotten much more complicated, and I longed for the safety and easiness of La Push before all this craziness started.

"Just starting to miss it?" Jake teased. "I thought by now you would've been ready to hop the next standby back to Seattle. What'cha been keeping busy with down there?"

The question was asked innocently, I knew. I still couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks. I'm not doing anything wrong, I thought to myself. Besides, this was Jake; my Jake. I could tell Jake anything. That was one of the great things about our relationship. Jake was my best friend. I could tell him anything.

Then why was I about to edit my answer?

"Oh, you know, just exploring the city. Doing some shopping, some spa treatments-"

"Whoa, whoa!" Jake interrupted. "Shopping? Spa treatments?" Jake said in surprise. "Who is this I'm talking to, and what have you done with my girl?" he asked jokingly.

"Ha, ha Jake" I responded. "I just figured I'd try something new, since I'm in New York. You know, when in Rome and all"

"Sure, sure. Renee must've done some fancy talking to you to get you to agree to all of that" he said amused.

"Yeah well" was all I answered to that. Editing. Or withholding. Either one, I knew it just came down to not being honest.

He laughed. "Well, I'm glad you're having fun" he teased. "Miss you Bells. Lots" he said more seriously.

"I miss you too Jake" I said. And I did miss him. I missed how easy everything felt when I was with him. Jake was easy to be with, or at least he had been until a few days ago. Remembering that made me uncomfortable again, and like a coward, I used my studying as an excuse to get off the phone.

"Jake, I'm going to do some studying before dinner tonight, so I'll speak to you later okay?" I said.

Jake was silent for a few seconds longer than necessary. I could guess what was going through his mind. He knew I was avoiding him. He knew there were things I wasn't ready to speak with him about yet, especially over the phone. But how was I going to deal with what we'd brought up during my last time at La Push once I got back home? I couldn't avoid the topic forever, I knew that. Eventually, and I was pretty sure it would be sooner rather than later, Jake was going to want to revisit that topic again.

"Sure, Bells, I'll catch you later. Love you okay?"

"Love you too. Bye" I said, and I couldn't help the swell of relief that washed over me as I hung up. Things were uncomfortable with us now, but once we discussed everything, it would get better again, right?

I decided to clear my head and do some studying. For the next couple of hours I immersed myself in my books, until it was time to get ready for dinner and whatever else Alice had up her sleeves for me. She had very kindly left an outfit already picked out for me on the chair, from the arsenal of outfits she'd bought me, and I blushed as I went to put it on. How in the heck had I let her buy this for me? Skin tight skinny Versace jeans, and a black sequined strapless Dolce & Gabbana top. The Manolo Blahnik heals were, thank God, at least only a couple of inches high. While we'd been in the boutique she'd originally picked up a pair with 6 inch heels for me to try on, and while my look of horror had not dissuaded her, her face had suddenly gone blank, taking on a glazed look which I'd immediately recognized, although I hadn't seen it in so long. When she'd snapped out of it a few seconds later, her own look of horror replacing the blank gaze, she'd quickly replaced the shoes with these more sensible ones, and I knew better than to ask what she'd seen.

I gave myself a quick look in the mirror and cringed. I didn't recognize the girl in the reflection. Jake and everyone back at Forks would've passed out if they'd seen me right now. I knew I couldn't get out of wearing this outfit tonight; Alice would give me the guilt trip until I came back upstairs and changed. So I made the decision to suck it up for tonight, and then bury this outfit deep in the recesses of my closet once I returned to Forks. If Alice saw me make that decision, she'd have to deal with it and be grateful she at least got me to wear it tonight.

When I reached the lobby Alice was already waiting for me, anxiously pacing back and forth between the elevator banks. She looked breathtaking, and I immediately felt like an even bigger fool in my getup. While I obviously looked like a faker in my designer outfit, like someone trying too hard to look good and totally not pulling it off, Alice looked like she'd just stepped off of a runway somewhere. Her Chloe black leather miniskirt fit her perfectly, as if it had been made for her, and her red Dior silk tanktop flowed on her gracefully, a perfect fit. Her matching red Prada heels _were_ the six inch type, and she pulled it off perfectly, looking much taller than her under-five-feet stature. I felt like such a phony next to her. As I walked over to where she stood, I noticed all eyes in the lobby were on her, obviously wondering what New York royalty she came from.

"Bella, you look wonderful, just as great as I saw it in my vision" she exclaimed as she hugged me tight.

"Alice, I feel like a little girl playing dress up in my mother's clothes right now" I said.

"Bella, I hate to tell you this, but I really doubt you'd find any of these clothes in your mother's closet" she mused.

"You know what I mean" I answered. "Come on, let's get this show on the road before I change my mind" I said.

"Oh Bella, you are not changing your mind, I know that for a fact" she said smugly, and slipped her arm through mine as she dragged me out into the city, into a yellow cab.

When we reached the restaurant/club, we were immediately seated. Alice had obviously made quite an impression on her previous visits. _Ms. Cullen, is there anything I can get you?, Ms. Cullen the chef has prepared some wonderful appetizers just for you and your friend, Ms. Cullen please be sure to tell your sister that we missed her today and we hope to see her soon,_ etc. etc. We received more attention than I was sure most Hollywood celebrities received in a year.

"Ms. Cullen and Ms. Swan, would you like to try tonight's specialty drink, Pina Colada?" the maitre d asked us after we ordered our main course. "I assure you, you will feel as if you've been transported to the Caribbean" he beamed.

I looked at him warily, I wasn't used to drinking, and I wasn't sure if tonight was a good night to do so.

"Ooh, that sounds wonderful Michel!" Alice squealed. "Please bring us two" Alice insisted.

"Um, Alice, I don't know if that's such a great idea" I said once Michel had eagerly walked away to place our drink orders.

"Oh Bella relax, live a little" Alice said. "You're with me. Do you really think I'd let you do anything if I thought it would be dangerous? You'll be fine" she assured me.

"Okay" I said, a little breathlessly. The whole scene was feeling surreal to me already anyway. I could hear the music pumping loudly from downstairs, where the dance floor was. Everyone in the restaurant was dressed beautifully, looking excited and eager to get downstairs to the dance floor; to where the real action was. I felt as if I were looking at everything from a T.V or something; I couldn't believe I was really here.

The Maitre d brought us our drinks himself, and Alice thanked him profusely. Once he left she turned to me eagerly.

"Bella, try yours quick, tell me what it tastes like!"

I looked at her and picked up my drink. She looked so anxious for me to try it that I was surprised she wasn't actually rubbing her hands together like the evil queen from Snow White. It wouldn't have shocked me if she'd started cackling. As I brought the drink to my lips, Alice practically held her breath in anticipation.

It was delicious; utterly and unbelievably delicious. The nectar of the gods couldn't have tasted better.

"So, how is it?" Alice asked.

"This has to be the best thing I've ever tasted" I sang to her.

"Ooh!" she cooed excitedly, clapping her hands. "I've got another one here for you" she said pointing to the one that had been brought for her. "And we can order more when you're done!" she said. "This is so much fun! When I come with Rosalie we both order drinks but neither one of us can enjoy them, as you know. It's so much fun to come here with someone who can actually _consume _something!"

And enjoy it I did. The meal was scrumptious, but nothing compared to the liquid milk of the gods that had been introduced to me. I finished mine and before I knew it, I'd downed Alice's as well. By the end of the meal, I was laughing and giggling heartily, acting more like my 22 years than I'd ever acted in my life.

As we finished off our dessert, and I finished off my third Pina Colada, I heard a familiar song playing from the club downstairs. Leah, my friend from down at the reservation in La Push, would often come over to Jake's house with the rest of the pack during one of their meetings, and once all business was taken care of between the wolves, she enjoyed playfully teasing me about my dancing abilities, which were sad, to say the least. She'd taken to becoming my own personal choreographer lately, and I'd actually learned a couple of dance moves, to my surprise. Of course, I'd never had the nerve to try any of it in public.

That is until now. For some reason, I suddenly felt more confident than I'd felt in years, in my whole life possibly. I heard the familiar beats of the song playing below me, and before I could even think about what I was doing, I was pulling Alice up from the chair, dragging her downstairs.

"Bella, wait! I have to pay the bill!" Alice yelled out to me, as I stumbled along, following the music.

"Alice, I know this song! This is my song, listen to it!" I said. "I've gotta go dance!"

Alice quickly threw some bills on the table and hurried over to me, her bell-like laughter floating in the air. She held my arm to make sure I was steady on my feet as we descended to the dance floor below us.

"Bella, I think three Pina Colada's is definitely your limit" she exclaimed, as we took to the dance floor. "If anyone finds out I let you get drunk, I'm dead meat". She actually looked a bit concerned. I wondered who exactly she was worried about finding out about my current state, but I couldn't hold on to that thought for too long.

"I'm not drunk Alice" I yelled back at her as I started dancing. "I'm happpyyyy!!!"

I started moving to the music, like Leah had taught me. As I danced, I sang the lyrics to the song out loud.

_You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy cause I'm fallin in love_

_You got me slipping, tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy cause I'm fallin in love, so in love with you_

"Alice this is my song!" I sang out happily to her. "Listen to it!".

Alice danced along with me and listened to the words, and we burst out laughing.

"Oh My Lord, Bella, this _is _your song!" she laughed. "Look at you, I told you I'd get you dancing tonight. Wow! When did you learn to move like that?" she screamed over the music.

"Oh just something I picked up from a friend back home" I yelled back.

We both danced for what seemed like hours. Periodically, guys would come over and ask us to dance. I knew it was Alice that was drawing them in, but she, like myself, was already spoken for. Besides, we were having too much fun by ourselves.

"Bella, I think we'd better get you some fresh air" Alice said, chasing me down and redirecting my path; I'd been heading to the bar apparently, intent on trying my fourth drink of the night.

"Alice, no!" I complained. "Just one more, please?" I begged.

She guided me back up the steps carefully, where we were met by Michel. He offered us another table in a corner of the restaurant portion of the club, where I could "come back down to Earth" as Alice put it.

"Alice, I'm not drunk!" I insisted as we sat down and she ordered me a cup of coffee and a few bottles of water.

"Bella, I haven't had this much fun in years, but if I don't sober you up, I'm afraid I'm going to be in some serious trouble later on" Alice said.

"Oh please! In trouble with who?" I asked. She sat quietly and stared at me.

"Alice, I'm not a mind reader, tell me" I said. "Who in the world would you be in trouble with? My mom would be absolutely ecstatic to find out I'd let loose a bit" I laughed. She said nothing and continued to stare at me, looking anxious once again. The 800 pound gorilla was back in the room, and this time, with a few drinks under my belt and my confidence up a few notches, I was determined to face it head on.

"Speaking of mind readers Alice, how is your brother?" I asked. "We've mentioned everything and everyone today, except him".

"I wasn't sure you wanted to talk about him" Alice answered quietly, almost too low for me to hear.

"Why wouldn't I?" I said. "The past is in the past right? What happened happened, and everything worked out fine" I said swinging my hands out exaggeratedly, trying to sound convincing, and not sure how well I was doing, since I was not entirely myself at the moment.

"Did it Bella?" she asked intently. "Did everything work out fine? Are you truly okay?" she asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I answered. "Listen, yes it was hard when he left, when you all left" I said, and I saw her cringe a bit at the last part. I put my hand on top of hers. I wanted her to know I didn't blame her for any of it.

"But I made it through Alice. Jake was there for me, and he helped me make it through. I'm alive here today because of him. I owe him so much" I said, and felt the tears starting to sting my eyes. Why oh why didn't I stop at the first drink?

"Bella, I get the feeling there's more that you're not telling me. Why do you keep saying you owe Jake? What exactly did he do for you to feel so indebted to him?" Alice asked, concern and curiosity coloring her golden eyes with a glittery gleam.

"Believe me Alice, you don't want to know" I said, trying to be serious, but for some reason my voice sang out that last part. Where was that darn coffee?

"Bella, I do want to know, very much. Why don't you tell me?" she said. "Was it that bad?" she asked.

I looked her in the eyes. I could tell it was more than curiosity driving her. She was genuinely concerned, and the concern I saw in her eyes brought tears to mine. It had been so long since anyone other than Jake and my Dad looked at me with such concern, since I'd had a true friend other than my boyfriend to confide in. And as much as I hated to admit it, there were things I couldn't tell him.

"Yes, Alice, it was that bad. The things that happened, well you wouldn't believe it if I told you" I answered.

"Try me Bella. I know you're having a hard time confiding in me, and it may be because of my proximity to…well… but I promise you, I can keep my mind shielded if I have to" she said, and took my other hand in hers.

I stared down at both our hands, my pale, red manicured fingers under her own, redder, paler ones. Was I ready to confide in her? Could I trust her to keep my secrets? Did it really matter now? My years of loneliness and pent up frustrations were threatening to boil over right now, and I realized I wouldn't be able to hold it in any longer. I needed to talk to her, I needed my friend. I needed someone who I could finally, finally be able to talk to about the nightmare that had been my life after _he'd_ left.

"When Edward left, I wanted to die" I started, staring at our hands. I heard her inhale and exhale deeply as she tightened her grip on my hands.

"It was so hard Alice, to wake up every morning, to go on with the day, to eat, to study, to sleep, _to breathe_, everything took so much effort. If I hadn't had to be strong for Charlie those first few months, I don't think I would've survived it."

Alice soothingly stroked my hands with her own, as I continued.

"I constantly had to remind myself that I had to live for Charlie, if not for anything or anyone else. I knew he could see right through me. I knew that he knew it was all an act and how hard every waking moment, and every restless night was for me, but it was hard enough to keep myself alive for him at that point. I didn't have the strength to put on a good act, just one that kept me alive. That was all I could manage".

"Oh Bella" was all Alice could say, as she continued soothing my hands in hers.

"Eventually, Charlie put his foot down and insisted that unless I snapped out of my zombie state, he'd ship me back to Renee. I didn't want to leave Forks Alice. I was still holding on to the crazy hope that someday he'd come back for me, and I wanted to be exactly where he'd left me if he did".

"So I tried to reconnect with my friends again, just enough to get Charlie off my back. One day when I was out in Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley…you remember her, don't you, with the curly hair?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Yes, I remember Jessica" Alice said, with disdain.

"Well, one night we were out in Port Angeles, and to make a long story short, I saw some guys that looked like trouble, that reminded me of the ones I'd bumped into that night Edward saved me in Port Angeles, and as I approached them, I heard Edward's voice"

Alice wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion, but didn't interrupt.

"He was angry. He was telling me to stay away from those guys. It was beautiful Alice" I said, looking away from her, staring off into space as I remembered how happy I'd felt to hear Edward's voice that night, after so long.

"What happened Bella?" Alice asked, anger and concern tainting her voice, snapping me back into the present.

"Nothing happened Alice" I told her. "I walked away and Edward's voice disappeared. At first I thought it had been an illusion brought on by the resemblance of the situation to what had happened that night in Port Angeles with Edward, but slowly, after some experimentation, I realized they were illusions that were brought on whenever I placed myself in a dangerous situation. So…"

"Oh Bella, please don't tell me…" Alice started.

"Alice, I was stupid and desperate!" I yelled, a little louder than I should have. "I had nothing! I had no pictures, no letters, no tokens left behind for me to remember him by! All I had were my memories, memories which were too painful to think of. It was the only way to have a piece of him without having to revert into the zombie I'd been for months. So yes, I purposely started putting myself in dangerous situations, and each time I did, I'd hear his voice again, yelling at me, chastising me for my carelessness, pretending he cared whether I lived or died".

"Bella, you have no idea-" Alice began, but I cut her off.

"No Alice! _You_ have no idea!" I said, looking up at her. "You've had Jasper at your side since the moment you fell in love with him. You've never had to deal with him leaving you, you don't know what it felt like, what I had to do to survive." I stopped for a few seconds, trying to will myself to stop the story right there, but like a verbal case of diarrhea brought on by one too many cocktails, I kept right on talking.

"Eventually, I came across a couple of motorcycles that needed fixing. I took them to Jake to fix, and we became good friends. After a few months, I could see he wanted more, but I still wasn't ready to give in to him. I was still waiting for Edward. I still believed he'd come back to me eventually, if I waited patiently enough. In the meantime, I clung to my friendship with Jake. He became my life, my survival. Jake and I became inseparable after a while. We did everything together, we even jumped off a really, really high cliff together once" I said and chuckled, remembering that stormy day.

"You jumped off a cliff Bella? How did you survive?" Alice asked in amazement.

"Jake pulled me out" I answered.

"How in the world did he survive?" she asked.

"Jake's very strong" I said, a sly smile on my lips. She wasn't getting that information out of me yet.

I could've stopped there. I should've stopped there. That was enough information to let her know why I owed Jake my life, why I was so grateful to him. I'd described enough of how he'd saved me physically and emotionally. But the verbal diarrhea continued, and I was helpless to stop it.

I took a deep breathe, once I started this portion of my story, there'd be no going back. I continued.

"One day, a few months after Jake and I had started hanging out, I was feeling more desperate than usual. My ability to hear Edward was becoming less and less frequent, regardless of the stunts I pulled, and I was growing more and more anxious. I felt like I was losing him and it had me nervous. Jake was going through his own drama at the time and we hadn't been hanging out as much lately. I decided to try to find the meadow, the one Edward took me to the day we confessed our feelings for each other, as a last ditch effort to hear him again. It was a long morning. I got lost several times along the way, but somehow, I managed to find the meadow, only once I got there I realized how stupid the whole idea had been. He wasn't there, and this constant obsession to find him and hear him was driving me crazy, was consuming me, and I realized how sick it was, and even with that realization, I had no power to stop myself. As I sat there in the middle of the meadow thinking these things, I heard something and looked up to see a pale white figure lurking a few feet away from me".

Alice, listening intently across the table from me, once again looked confused. "But Bella, he never-" she started quietly.

"I know that Alice", I gave her a soft chuckle as I answered her half spoken statement. "Believe me, I know he never…" I said, and looked up at her. I gave her a grim smile.

"It was Laurent actually" I told her, and paused.

"Laurent?" Alice asked confused. "Laurent was there? But what was he doing there?" she asked, still perplexed.

This was it. The point of no return in my tale. "Well, apparently Laurent had grown tired of Denali, and had left a few months back" I began.

"Yes, Tanya, Irina and Kate called us a few months after we left Forks and told Carlisle that Laurent had just disappeared one day. They asked Carlisle if we had any idea where he was, but we'd never heard from him again" Alice said, starting to look a bit anxious herself.

"Yes, well, apparently Laurent had gone and met up with Victoria again-"

Alice drew in a sharp breath. She hissed out "Victoria!" in hate and anger.

"Yes, well to make a long story short, again, Laurent let me know in no uncertain terms that Victoria held me responsible for what had happened with James" I saw the shock in her eyes. I quickly looked down again as I continued.

"He told me Victoria meant to find me and kill me, and he was there on a sort of reconnaissance mission, to gather information as to how easy or hard it would be to get to me. I don't think he knew yet, that you and your family had left." I ventured another sneak at Alice, she looked as if she were about to choke on something. I continued.

"Apparently, lucky for me, as he put it, I'd caught him while he was out on a hunt, and he was too thirsty to stick to the original plan. He was going to kill me right then and there, and regale Victoria with tales of how much he'd made me suffer beforehand, to make her happy".

"Oh God Bella, Oh God" Alice kept repeating. She squeezed my hands so hard that it began to feel more painful than soothing.

"Calm down Alice" I said to her, and pulled my hands out from under hers, quickly placing them on my lap. The effects of the three Pina Coladas were starting to wear off, but it was too late to stop my story. So I continued.

"Obviously, he didn't kill me" I said, giving her a smirk.

"But how???" she asked. "How did you get away?" she continued, frantic.

"Jake saved me Alice, Jake and his brothers saved me. They killed Laurent and saved me".

Alice stared at me for a long moment, confusion the dominant emotion among many plaguing her beautiful features. I knew there was no backing out now. She'd know the whole story before the night was through. I was amazed she hadn't figured it out already. I'd been amazed when I first saw her yesterday that she hadn't 'seen' it all at some point. But as she'd told me, she hadn't 'seen' me in years, not until last week. I still couldn't understand why.

"How Bella?" she asked again. "How did a mere human and his siblings kill a thirsty vampire?" she wondered in amazement.

"Alice, Jacob isn't a mere human", I barely whispered, knowing she'd hear it anyway.

"What do you mean?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Alice, Jacob is the son of Billy Black, the Quileute elder. You do know the legends of the Quileutes, don't you? I know Edward said you weren't with them the first time they came to Forks, but Carlisle did tell you the legends, didn't he?" I questioned her. I wanted her to figure it out on her own, I didn't want to have to say it.

I took a deep breath and looked up at her. Alice's features were contorted into a look of shock, horror, and understanding, all at the same time. Yes, she obviously knew the legends, and she'd obviously figured it out.

"Bella, no" she whispered leaning into me, disbelief in her voice. "It can't be. Please tell me it isn't true" she pleaded.

"Why can't it be true?" I asked her, surprised by her own extreme surprise. "You exist, don't you, why is it so hard to believe the Quileute legends?" I asked.

"He's a werewolf Bella? You're dating a werewolf?" she asked, practically choking on the words.

"I guess I'm ruined for mortal men, huh?" I tried to joke. Alice didn't laugh.

"Bella, I can't even wrap my mind around that right now, and believe me, that's saying something coming from a vampire, but I have to ask you, before I even get started on the werewolf thing, what happened with Victoria? Did she come back for you?"

Victoria. Victoria, whose red hair still played a starring role in my nightmares almost every night. Victoria, who'd hunted me forever, and who'd gotten so close to finishing off what James had started all those years back.

"Yes, she came back" I said.

At this, Alice let out an anguished cry, the likes of which I hadn't heard since I used to utter them myself as I cried myself to sleep every night after her brother left. I couldn't understand why she was so upset. Obviously, Victoria hadn't gotten me, or else I wouldn't have been sitting there with Alice right then. Why did this knowledge cause her so much anguish?

"Oh God, I don't believe it, I don't believe it" she cried to herself, wringing her hands in frustration.

"Well, it's true" I said to her.

"No, no Bella, I don't mean I don't believe you" she said. "Of course I believe everything you're saying. It's just… please just continue" she cried.

"Well" I started my story again. "Once I let Jake and the rest of the pack know what Laurent had told me about Victoria, they immediately placed a round the clock guard around me. I was never left alone again after that. There would always be one of the werewolves around me, usually more than one. It was…difficult. Not only because I hated myself for putting Jake and his brothers in danger, some of which were much younger than myself, but because this put a permanent stop to my stunts, and I was desperate to hear Edward again".

"I know, crazy right?" I said as I looked into her eyes. "I had some crazy sadistic vampire hell bent on ending me, and all I could think of was hearing _his_ voice again".

"Bella, if I had known, if _any_ of us had known-" she began.

"I know Alice" I said. "You told me this morning you hadn't seen me, and of course I believe you. Of course I know you would have done something had you known. I did wonder for a while…but now I understand, you just didn't see" I said, and put my hands back into hers, trying to comfort her this time. She really looked like she was about to fall apart.

"Anyway" I continued, "Victoria seemed to have a few gifts of her own" I said. For one thing, she was unbelievable at evading the wolves. Just as they thought they had her, she would always manage to escape them. It was unbelievably frustrating, especially to Jake. By then, we'd developed into more than just friends, and he spent every possible moment by my side. Like I said, I owe him a lot" I said again.

"By this time, once I'd allowed Jake and I to become more than friends, I'd more or less abandoned my attempts to hear Edward. I'd committed myself to Jake, and I was determined to deserve him, to give that relationship my full attention, instead of languishing on a relationship that no longer existed".

"One night, a couple of years ago, we were still fighting to keep Victoria at bay. She'd succeeded in evading the werewolves, and it was starting to seem like keeping her away from me would become the wolves full time job for the rest of my life. That night had been Christmas night. Jake and his dad had come over to my house and we'd spent the holiday together, him and his dad and me and mine. Holidays were still difficult for me, it was harder to keep the memories of Edward away, even though I was now content with Jacob. On holidays though, I felt like mourning, and Jake, although he'd never say it, knew I needed extra comforting on those days".

Alice listened intently, sensing another bombshell was about to be dropped. Her eyes were wide with wonder, with anger, with apologies.

"We'd stayed up until very late, and it started snowing hard outside. Jake wasn't affected by the weather, much as you guys aren't, but my dad didn't know that, so he told Jake and his dad they should just crash downstairs, to which they agreed. We stayed up talking a while longer but eventually we grew very sleepy, and I went up to my room and Jake and his dad fell fast asleep downstairs".

"Up in my bed, some familiar nightmares haunted me that night. I dreamt I was running through the woods, looking for something and never finding it, getting lost and never finding my way. I woke up with a start, my heart pounding in my chest, and I could hear Jake and his dad's loud snores from downstairs. I closed my eyes, ready to fall back asleep, when I heard it. The most beautiful voice, calling to me".

I stopped as I remembered that night, as I remembered hearing his voice once again, only this time, it hadn't been in my head.

I looked at Alice, who once again had her eyebrows bunched up in confusion.

"I know Alice, I know" I smiled gently. "He never…".

"'Bella. Bella come to me' the beautiful voice called, and I couldn't stop myself from obeying it. Even as I knew it couldn't be true, it couldn't be real, I couldn't stop myself from getting out of bed. I didn't even bother to put shoes on, and I slowly crept downstairs, where Jacob and his dad continued to snore loudly. Wolves are heavy sleepers, I guess" I said, by way of explanation.

I looked over at Alice, to see how she was doing. The same look of anger and frustration was on her face.

"I quietly opened the door, and walked out, closing the door behind me. Once outside, I realized how stupid this was. I must've dreamt it, I must've still been asleep when I thought I heard his voice, there was no one out hear, of course not. I stood there for a moment, my back to the door, and just as I was about to turn the knob and walk back inside, I heard it again"

"'Bella, come to me now, I'm waiting' his voice said. I quickly looked up to determine which direction his voice was coming from, and I started walking, then running. I ran and ran, and each time I stopped, I'd hear it again, calling to me, urging me on. 'I'm coming', I started answering, as I ran through the woods, stumbling in the snow, barely feeling my feet anymore, but I carried on. Eventually, I'd run so far that I was out of breath, and fell to the ground. 'I can't anymore' I said. 'You'll have to come to me, please come to me!' I yelled out into the cold winter air, the snow falling harder now, making it difficult to see in front of me. I waited for what seemed like hours, and just as I started to lose hope and think that I'd really and truly lost my mind this time, I heard a twig snap some 20 feet in front of me".

"It wasn't him Bella! It wasn't him!" Alice cried, looking anguished and squeezing my hands tightly once again.

"Well I didn't know that then" I tried to justify to her.

"I looked up, and there, amongst the white woods, where snow had painted everything to look like a picture perfect postcard, I saw red flames slowly walking towards me. It was her, Victoria. She'd found a way to me".

"'I got tired of trying to get to you, so I decided to bring you to me' she cooed, in her normal, very girly voice now. Apparently, evasion wasn't her only gift".

"'I knew you'd come for him' she continued. 'You'd walk the Earth for him, wouldn't you?' she laughed bitterly. 'Too bad he wouldn't do the same for you' she taunted me. 'It's taken me some time to get you, but I'll make it worth my while. By the time I'm done with you, all those wolves will find is your carcass' she spat out. I started crying. This would kill Jake, not only because of what was about to happen to me, but because I knew he'd blame himself for not protecting me. He would think this was all his fault, and that if he'd been more vigilant, he could've stopped it. I hated myself at that moment, more than I'd ever hated myself in my life. If only I could've been true to him, the way he deserved me to be, I wouldn't be in this position right now. He wouldn't have anything to blame himself for."

"'Don't cry sweetheart' she told me, in her tender voice. 'Think of it this way, I'm putting you out of your misery. I saw the way you looked at your vampire, and I've seen the way you look at your wolf, and you're not fooling anyone, not even him'".

"I closed my eyes as I readied myself for the end. Sadly, she was right. Part of me did welcome it, I _had_ acted miserably for the past couple of years, using Jake to bring me comfort while still pining over Edward. I finally realized then and there that Edward was _never_ coming back, and this waiting game that I'd been playing for so long had been horribly unfair to Jake. I made a promise then to God that if I somehow got out of this, I would be better to Jacob. I would be what he deserved, not this half-girlfriend that I'd been to him for so long. I would finally give him all of myself. "

"I prepared for her lunge".

Alice let out a low growl and I opened my eyes to see her eyes burning with fury. Her hands gripped the edges of the table, and I could see the wood disintegrating under her touch. I had to finish this story soon before she destroyed the table.

"Jacob found me, once again, just in time. He'd woken up and smelled her, he told me later on, and had phased into his wolf form right then and there, not even stopping to think of the ramifications had my father seen him. His father was very aware of what he was. As he ran to me, he informed the rest of the pack of what was happening, they can communicate with eachother through their minds when they're in there wolf forms" I added for Alice's benefit.

"He jumped right in front of me as Victoria lunged, and beared the brunt of her attack". She broke some of his ribs and dislocated his shoulder, but werewolves heal quickly" I added. "A few seconds later, the rest of the wolves joined the attack, and well, they were finally able to finish her off. I guess she'd been too intent on finally getting me alone to realize the wolves had been on their way".

I looked at Alice once again. She looked murderous. If anyone had glanced at our table at that moment, they would have definitely known she wasn't human, they would probably figure out she was a vampire, as her look radiated death and destruction.

"When it was over, Jake asked me what the heck had possessed me to leave the house in the middle of the night, in my pajamas and no shoes, and trek deep into the woods. He wasn't angry, but he was confused, and I couldn't blame him. All I could answer him was that I'd had a dream, as I cried like an undeserving idiot in his arms. 'Shh, it's okay, it's all over. It'll be okay now' he repeated over and over.

I stopped and looked up at Alice.

"Well, all's well that ends well" I tried to joke.

She did not laugh, her face hard as stone.

"That was about two years ago" I continued, "and I've kept my vow." I put your brother out of my mind that night Alice, and gave Jacob all I had left to give. I stopped hoping he'd return, and realized I had to move on with my life, the way he'd always said he wanted me to".

"Bella, he had no idea, I swear to you, we had no idea-" Alice started.

"I know that Alice. I know he wouldn't have let that happen had he known, even if he didn't love me the way I'd loved him. I know that. It's okay" I told her. "I'm better now. I've moved on, and I'm okay now".

"Bella, I don't know what to say. This is horrible! Laurent, Victoria, _werewolves_! Your life has been a horror story! How can you say it's okay?" she asked, wild-eyed.

"Because it is now. Because that's all in the past and Jake and I have persevered" I said.

"Bella, Jake is a werewolf! A werewolf!" she repeated trying to keep her voice down. "And a young one at that! I realize you feel indebted to him for saving your life, but do you realize how dangerous he is himself?" she asked me incredulously.

"Alice, I've been with Jake for years, and he and his pack have never been a danger to me!" I said, starting to feel a bit defensive, but at the same time my voice faltered at the end, because that wasn't entirely true. Paul. Jake's pack brother Paul had always hated me. He'd never been able to get past the fact that I'd once dated a vampire, the werewolves mortal enemy, and he'd made no secret of the fact that he hated me. He'd even tried to lunge at me once when I'd first found out about Jacob. Jake fought him off and forgave him because he was his pack brother. But whenever he was around, I could feel the cold, hard stares on my back, and sure enough, whenever I looked at him, he'd be glaring back at me. I got the feeling that if he were allowed to, Paul would have no problem with harming me.

Alice had caught my falter, and took advantage of it.

"Are you sure about that?" she questioned. "You don't seem too confident in that response" she added.

"Alice!" I was getting upset now. "Jake is not a danger to me, no more so than Edward was".

This upset Alice.

"How can you compare a rabid dog to Edward?" she countered defensively.

"Jake is not a dog!" I spat back. "Don't you dare call him that! You know nothing about him! Nothing! You weren't there when he was there for me, none of you were, so don't you dare try to put him down", I felt the tears starting to sting my eyes. "Jake has been everything to me for the past few years. I owe him everything!"

"Don't confuse gratitude for love Bella" Alice responded. "You're grateful to him for getting you out of some dangerous situations, I realize that, and of course, I understand that. But you don't realize that you're just trading one danger for another!" she continued.

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black!" I shot back. "You're one to talk about something dangerous. I just spent the entire day hanging around New York City with a vampire! A vampire!" I spat out. "If that's not dangerous, then I don't know what is. And I am not confusing gratitude with love. I _love_ Jake!" I continued through my tears. "I love him and he loves me. He asked me to marry him the other day!" As soon as I said the words, I wished I could take them back. I was revealing too much, and apparently, Alice was not going to understand my relationship with Jake.

"Marry him! You didn't accept did you? Please say you haven't accepted!" she begged. I couldn't understand her desperation. There seemed to be more to it than just that Jacob was a werewolf, although I could tell she was horrified by that fact.

"I don't know yet, I told him I'd think about it" I answered calmly.

Alice visibly sighed with relief. "Please Bella, please tell me you're not going to marry him. He's a werewolf for goodness sake! He's dangerous. Maybe not now, maybe he hasn't hurt you yet, but werewolves are unstable creatures. Carlisle's told me about them. They can't be trusted, they're quick to anger and slow to control. He could hurt you at any minute, especially if you upset him! Please Bella, think about what you're doing!" she begged.

I couldn't take this anymore. I'd apparently made a huge mistake in confiding in Alice. She was determined to think Jacob was dangerous, regardless of what he'd done to save me, or what I said. I was ready to leave.

"Alice, I think it's time we get back to the hotel. I can't talk about this anymore, and I'm starting to get a headache" I said.

"Please Bella, just promise me you're not going to marry him!" Alice continued.

"I'll promise you no such thing!" I insisted. "Alice I enjoyed spending time with you for the past couple of days, but I think we'd better just part ways now. You haven't been a part of my life for years now, and you can't ask me for this now".

Alice looked despondent. My heart broke to look at her, because I wanted nothing else than to put my arms around her and promise that we would stay best friends forever. But I now saw that that was impossible. As much as I hated how she was reacting to the news of Jacob's reality, I knew Jake would react the same way once I told him I'd spent time with Alice. I couldn't have them both.

"Alice, you promised when I first started this story that you'd keep my secrets. I'm going to hold you to that" I told her, expecting her to agree reluctantly. She had promised.

Alice stared at me sadly, not saying a word, as I slowly realized she did not intend to keep her promise

"Bella" she said slowly. "I said I could keep your secrets if I had to, if they were secrets that were meant to be kept, but I cannot keep this a secret Bella, not from my…my family" she stuttered.

I closed my eyes slowly, and opened them again. I was starting to feel very sleepy, the effects of my stupid three-drink binge. I couldn't keep this up much longer.

"Alice, you promised" I repeated.

"Bella, I can't, _they_ _have_ _to know_".

I glared at her. "I should've known better than to believe a promise from a Cullen" I spat out. It was a low blow and I knew it, but I was desperate. Alice didn't flinch at my insult.

"Why???" I whined. "Why do they have to know?" I practically cried.

"You're not safe Bella. What you're doing is not safe. We can't…we love you too much Bella, all of us, we can't let you put yourself in danger like this!" she said.

"Alice, I've been with Jake for almost four years! Four years! And now all of a sudden, I'm supposedly in danger?!" I was livid.

"Bella we didn't know. Had we known…"

"Had you known what? What would have been different?" I asked.

"I…I can't…Bella…it's not for me to…" Alice tried to explain herself.

"Yeah, that's what I thought" I said. I was tired. I wanted to get back to the hotel. I wanted to get back to Forks.

"I'm leaving Alice" I told her, as I got up. My body swayed and I had to hold on as my head spun faster than the disco ball below had.

"Bella, please don't be mad at me" Alice pleaded, as she quickly took hold of my arm. And after throwing some more bills on the table, she helped me walk out into the warm New York City night, holding me up.

"Bella" she continued "I haven't seen you, in any way, for so long. Surely there has to be a reason why I'd see you now. It must mean something" she exclaimed.

"All it means is that you're as nosy as ever, and as soon as you saw me in New York, you had to come torture me with shopping and manicures" I teased, too tired to continue fighting with her.

"Maybe" she began, "maybe nothing's happened yet, but maybe something's going to happen" she said, refusing to drop the subject.

"Oh and you guys, as my perpetual saviors, are going to come to the rescue?" I sneered. We were outside the restaurant now, facing each other in the bright lights the city made at night. "Thanks but no thanks. I'm sure _some_ of you, if not all of you, have better things to do than go around rescuing me. If you recall, saving me became pretty tiring for _some_ of you a few years ago" I said. We both knew who I was referring to. "I'll be fine Alice. I'm not that seventeen year old clumsy girl who constantly needed tending to anymore". As I said this, I stumbled on the sidewalk and Alice caught me easily before I fell. "Well you know what I mean".

"Tomorrow I'm going to get on a plane, go back to Forks, and continue with my life. You'll go back Upstate, or wherever you guys decide to move to next, and we'll just pretend this weekend never happened" I said.

"Is that what you want Bella?" Alice asked sadly. "Do you really not want to see me ever again?"

I sighed deeply. "It's the way it has to be, I'm afraid" I said. "You can't accept Jake, and to be honest, I don't think Jake would be too happy about you either" I said honestly.

"I'm sorry Bella" Alice said. "I'm sorry for everything you went through. I'm sorry for upsetting you before, and I'm sorry that I'm not going to be able to keep the promise I made to you in the restaurant". I narrowed my eyes and glared at her.

"But Bella, I learned the hard way that some promises aren't meant to be kept, and this time I intend to follow my conscience, not my words. I can't promise you you won't see me again soon, whether you want to or not".

"Whatever Alice" I said. I was exhausted, from the dancing, from the drinking, and from the mental tirade I'd experienced tonight. "I just need to get back to the hotel".

We caught a cab and rode the rest of the way back in silence. I thought about what she'd said, about not being able to promise me that I wouldn't see her again. The more I thought about it, the less concerned I became. I wouldn't see Alice again after this weekend. They'd stayed away for over four years, they wouldn't come back into my life now. Alice was just being Alice. Drama queen to the tilt. As soon as she got back to her family, or even sooner, she'd forget about this, and move on to the next distraction. As much as this relieved me, it also saddened me immensely. This cab ride back to the hotel with Alice would probably be the last time I'd spend any time with her. Although I was still upset, I didn't want our reunion to end on such a sour note.

When we walked into the elevator lobby in the hotel, I turned to face her.

"Alice, I know it may have ended kind of crappy, but I really loved seeing you again" I told her, tears coming to my eyes once again. I felt as if I'd spend the entire night crying.

Alice's little arms came around me and she hugged me tight. I hugged her back even tighter.

"Bella, I don't want to keep upsetting you, but you asked me about Edward before, do you still want to know how he's doing?" she asked. I thought I detected some sort of hope in her voice.

I thought about it. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I didn't want to hear about Edward's success at distracting himself, about his love life, about how much better he'd been at this than me.

"No, Alice, I'd rather not" I answered. Alice nodded solemnly.

"Bella, there's so much more I still want to say to you, so much more I wish we could discuss, but I know it's too much for you right now, so I'll let you go. I know my promises mean nothing to you right now, and again, I'm sorry about that. But regardless, I promise you, you _will_ see me again, this is not goodbye, whether you want it to be or not".

I couldn't take much more. She was right, this was too much for me. I had to get back to my room.

"Take care of yourself Bella. Please, please be careful". I rolled my eyes at her.

"Say hi to everyone from me Alice. And thank you so much for today, I really did love it, even if I complained throughout most of it" I tried to joke.

Alice smiled at this. "I knew you would" she sang out softly.

As I got onto the elevator she called out to me, "Oh and Bella, please make sure you don't miss your flight tomorrow, it won't end well for you or any of the rest of the passengers if you take the later standby flight".

"Fine Alice, I'll make sure I leave extra early" I said dryly.

As I threw myself on my bed, I came apart, and completely bawled into my pillow. What had happened tonight? I promised myself I'd keep my secrets to myself. Why had I aired out all my dirty laundry to Alice? I should've known she wouldn't keep it to herself. Heck, even if she wanted to, what were the chances that she'd be able to keep it all from him for any amount of time?

But did it really matter? Would he care what I'd gone through if and when he found out? I'd gotten through okay, that was all that really mattered at this point. I didn't want any apologies, or any explanations. Not from Alice, not from him. I wanted to put all that behind me, the way it had been until today.

What would Alice do now? What would be the repercussions of my confessions tonight?

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**Yes, see, I told you. Long chapter. Sorry! Well, Alice will be our narrator in the next chapter. She's totally freaked, I'll tell you that much, and is trembling in her Manolos about Edward's reaction to all she's learned. How do you all think Edward will react to her news??? Tell me, I'd love to hear what you guys think!**

**I'm going to be away on vacation for a couple of weeks starting next week, but I'm really going to try to do 2 more chapters before I go. I'd like you all to get some more Edward before I go!**


	7. Ch 8 We Stand Alone, Together

**A/N: Sorry, guys. I know I promised I'd try to get two more chapters out before vacation, but I'm not going to be able to get to chapter 9 until I come back. It's just been a hectic week with packing and stuff! But at least, here's Alice's POV after Bella's revelations, and this will lead us into the next chapter with Edward, how he takes the news, and what he decides to do!**

**The title for this chapter comes from an HBO miniseries from a couple of years ago which I loved, Band of Brothers. I just thought it was fitting, as the Cullens are very similar to the miniseries' characters. Outcasts, because of what they are, but nevertheless, they stand together through all.**

**As usual, I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to Stephenie, that lucky chick.**

**And please and thank you for reviews? Pretty please, with Edward on top? (Well, you know what I mean!)**

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**Chapter 8 – We Stand Alone, Together**

**Alice**

_Dec 2006_

"_I know it's her, I can see her hair. I can still see her face"._

"_But where is she? Can you see that? Can you see where the vision is, and when?"_

_I tried again. I concentrated harder than I'd concentrated on a vision in a long time. My eyes closed tightly and I let my power completely take over, emptying my mind of all else; letting go of the present and focusing on nothing else but the picture that my mind was creating for me. I sat perfectly still on the mahogany chair in our long dining room table, the rest of my family imitating my still form in their own chairs around me. To an outsider, we would look like mannequins on display in a store shop, perfectly shaped, perfectly still._

_I saw the vision again. It was nighttime. The moon was low in the sky, and illuminated the dark like one of those light bulbs hanging loosely in the middle of a room, without a shade to filter the light. The moonlight cast an eerie glow on the scene, giving it an ethereal look; the snow on the tree branches seemed to glow, on the ground it seemed to sparkle, not unlike our skin in the sunlight. It was really quite beautiful to watch, at least it would have been had it not been for the purple cloud of smoke emanating from the far left corner of my vision._

_I'd been trimming our Christmas tree when the vision came to me. No one, including myself, was really in the mood to celebrate the holiday much this year, once again. But in the spirit of trying, I'd decided to at least put up a tree. It was another prop in this life of ours, but one that had once brought my family and I a little joy. This year, all I'd received when I arrived from cutting the tree down myself were cross looks and eye rolls. Nevertheless, I'd proceeded to place the 6 foot Spruce in the middle of the family room, and start hanging the decorations I'd purchased at Macy's the day before._

_As I'd been ready to put the delicate Lladro star on top of the tree, I'd seen it. My eyes glazed over and my body went rigid, causing me to drop the beautiful star, which shattered into tiny pieces in front of me. The shattering sound alerted the rest of my family, and they all rushed to my side immediately, all except Edward, who was once again locked in his room, unaware and uncaring as to the season that lay before us. Once the vision started unfolding though, even he wasn't able to stay away, as this vision concerned him infinitely more than it did the rest of the family._

_In the woods, in this beautiful picture perfect night that was placed before my eyes, rose a purple cloud of smoke, tainting the fresh winter air with its polluted contents. Within the smoke were the pieces which were causing the smoke to rise in a purple hue instead of the blacks and greys which would usually accompany a bonfire, pieces of arms and legs, a torso, and of course, a head. It was the vision of this head which caused Edward to rush down to my side, his hands on my shoulders, following the vision along with me as it unraveled before both of us at the same time._

_Attached to this head was a wild mane of hair, bright red, especially compared to the winter wonderland white backdrop in which it was placed. The moonlight, which was casting a glowing light on the rest of the scene, played its part on this red head of hair also, making it shine as bright as blood as it cascaded loosely into the flames, looking very much like blood flowing into the ground. The flames had already claimed most of the body, and mostly bones and random pieces remained, but the head and face were still clearly visible in this picture, and Edward gasped loudly as the face of the bonfire's victim was revealed in this unexpected sight._

"_Victoria!!!" he hissed loudly, and the rest of our family gasped along with him. They, unlike Edward and I, still had no idea what it was we were both seeing, and their imaginations started running wild._

"_What? Where is she? What's happening?" Emmett growled out, echoing everyone else's questions, I'm sure._

_Neither Edward nor I were ready to answer yet, as the vision continued to play out in front of us. We watched, as in a scene from a horror movie, as the flames continued to claim its victim. Yet for all the beauty surrounding the scene, there was nothing else to see; no animals, no roads, no signs. Nothing to give us the slightest clue as to when and where this was happening; the setting was so random that it could have been on the other side of the planet for all we knew._

_And then the vision ended, and my body slumped from the overwhelming weight of what I'd just seen. Edward immediately caught me and lead me to one of the sofas, where I sat dazed for a few moments. Watching one of us, a vampire, be literally burned at the stake, was not a sight I was used to. Add the shock of who that vampire burning was, and I was speechless at the moment. Not something usual for me._

_Carlisle, seeing that I was obviously not ready to talk yet, directed his question at Edward, whom he knew had seen my vision as well as myself._

"_Edward, what did you see?"_

"_It was Victoria" he growled out. "She's been finished off"._

"_Finished off?" Jasper asked next. "How? By who?"_

"_She was torn into pieces and burned" Edward answered, his voice full of hate, as he paced the room._

"_But how?" Who would do that and why?"_

"_I don't know, I don't know!" Edward yelled out, frustrated by all the questions, questions he couldn't answer and desperately wished he could._

"_Were you able to see when this was taking place?" Carlisle asked, not wanting to keep upsetting Edward, but desperate to know what was happening. _

_I'd been sitting quietly on the sofa, listening to the exchange take place and still not ready to speak, but I knew Edward would not be able to continue answering all these questions by himself much longer, and in another quick vision flashing before my eyes I saw him picking up the coffee table and putting it through the window. I decided it was time to speak up._

"_I couldn't see when it was taking place" I answered Carlisle, standing up quickly, my eyes begging him to direct the rest of his questions to me and give Edward some time to calm down. _

"_It was in a field in some wooded area" I started explaining my vision to the rest of them, who were still mostly in the dark regarding what I'd, what we'd seen. "Victoria was torn into pieces and burning. She was done. There were no markers to tell when it was taking place, but I feel as if it's not too far in the future, I would say within the week"._

_Carlisle, glancing at Edward and seeing the agitated state he was in, still pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his wild hair, his eyes bright with anger and frustration, suggested we all move to the dining room and sit at the table, where we could discuss this more calmly and see if we could figure out what was going on._

_It was here where the questions continued. Was I sure it was her? Was I sure she was being burned? Was there anyone else around? I answered the questions as best as I could, all the while keeping an eye on Edward, who looked like he was the one burning._

"_There was no one and nothing else around. It seemed like she'd been burning for a couple of hours already, at least. By the time the vision ended, the flames started licking at her face and hair" I answered and cringed, as I saw the vision, or the memory of it, in my mind again._

_We were all silent for a while. Everyone trying to figure out what this vision meant for our family. Overall, it was good news. Victoria, who'd been a thorn in our existence for almost 2 years now, was gone, or rather would be in the very near future. Edward no longer had to worry about any danger she posed to Bella, and we no longer had to worry about Edward hurting himself or driving himself insane trying to find her. This was good news, wasn't it? _

_Then why was this vision making me so nervous?_

_Edward, who'd sat quietly throughout the question and answer session, his mouth in a grim line and his posture stoic, finally spoke._

"_I'm going to find out what happened, or what will happen. I've got to get answers to some of these questions. I've got to make sure it will play out the way Alice saw it, or help it play out that way". There was no room for discussion in his tone._

"_I'll go with you then" Emmett spoke up right away. There was no way he was going to let his brother do this alone._

"_And so will I" Jasper said as soon as Emmett was done._

"_No" Edward said. "This does not involve any of you. This is something I have to take care of. It is my responsibility. I'll go alone. I don't need to be babysat" he spat out the last sentence._

"_Edward please" Esme finally spoke, pleading. "Alice has seen that Victoria's life will end, and soon. Why do you need to go anywhere?" Esme was desperate to keep Edward home, she didn't trust him to leave again, fearing this time we wouldn't be able to bring him back._

"_Esme, I have to go" Edward answered our mother, serious yet soothing. He did not want to hurt her anymore. "We have no idea when or where this is taking place. I have to make sure she's far away from…I have to make sure it happens this way" he continued._

"_But Edward" Carlisle interrupted. "How would you know where to begin searching? All Alice's vision tells us is that there will be snow on the ground where it happens, that could be in almost any corner of the world. And I would venture to say that the fact that she cannot see anything other than the burning, that she can't see anything before or after the event, would probably mean that the vision is taking place somewhere very far away. It is probably such a distant place that Alice cannot get a very clear reading on it. Alice have you had any trouble with seeing your visions clearly lately?" Carlisle asked me._

_Deep in my mind, I knew there was someone I'd been trying to see lately, and hadn't been able to. I couldn't allow myself to think of this right now though, as Edward was right next to me, so I quickly concentrated on the question before me and answered Carlisle as honestly as I could. _

"_No Carlisle, I haven't had any problems with my visions"._

"_Nevertheless" Edward continued. "I have to make sure. I have to-"_

"_Oh cut the crap Edward and listen to yourself!" Rosalie spoke up. "I have to make sure, I have to make sure!" she whined, imitating him. "Alice saw it Edward! She saw it! It's going to happen! Whatever decision Victoria has already made, or whatever decision whoever is involved in her death has made, will lead to this result! The vision has already been put into motion! There is nothing you have to make sure of! You don't need to help it along, and if you were to start thinking with your head for a second, instead of with your stupid dead heart, you'd realize that by interfering in something Alice has already seen happening, you could make matters worse! Instead of helping, your interference may actually stop the event from happening! It's the holidays Edward, and you've been given an early Christmas present it seems. And instead of being grateful for it, you're looking at a gift horse in the mouth! Victoria WILL DIE, within a few days apparently, and there is nothing you have to do to help move it along! She's probably thousands of miles from here and you going on an unnecessary wild goose chase around the globe and taking our husbands with you may just make matters worse, instead of better! BELLA IS SAFE! Bella will continue to be safe now, and now hopefully this family can move on and go back to some semblance of what we used to be before this dark cloud started hanging over our heads!"_

_Everyone held their breaths as Rosalie's tantrum ended. Edward gazed at her coldly, as we all waited in fear for his response._

"_Your little speech was impressive Rosalie. Unfortunately I can hear the thoughts behind them, and all you're thinking about is how this trip may inconvenience you. You don't want to have to spend the holidays without Emmett. So spare me the concern for Bella, which we both know is nonexistent, and don't worry about having to part with your husband. I'm going, and I'm going alone" Edward threw back at her._

"_Is it so bad that I want Emmett with me for the holidays?" Rosalie answered, more subdued. "Yes, Edward, I know you can read the thoughts behind my words, but apparently, your pig headedness has not only clouded your judgment, but also your gift. It's not only Emmett I want here for the holidays, but you too. You, and the rest of my family. You of all people should know how important family is to me. I'll never be able to have one of my own, and you and the rest of us here" – she spread her arms out across the table in exasperation – "are the only family I will ever have, and I cherish every single one. You haven't been much fun to be around lately Edward, in fact, you've been downright irritating, but you've been here, and I am grateful for that. You are my brother, and despite all the animosity between us, I care about you deeply. I care that you hurt, and even though you claim I don't care about Bella, if you'd let yourself see me, really see me instead of just assuming every random thought that pops into my head is exactly what I am, you'd see that I do care. I care because I know YOU do. I understand Edward, that you feel you have to go make sure Victoria will meet her end soon, but besides the fact that yes! I do want Emmett and the rest of my family here with me, I really don't think that's a good idea. Alice HAS seen it happen, and your interference may cause that to change! I dare you to look at me Edward, really look at me, and tell me these aren't my true feelings" Rosalie finished. And with that, she turned her head angrily away from Edward, and into Emmett's waiting arms next to her._

_Everyone was quiet for a few minutes, and then Carlisle, ever the mediator, asked "Alice, can you see what will happen if Edward goes to look for Victoria? Can you see the result of that decision?"_

_I searched my mind, as Edward made up his mind to go. I saw Edward leaving us in the morning, oblivious to Rosalie's angry stares as he tenderly embraced our sobbing mother, promising her he WOULD be back soon, that he wouldn't stay away this time. I saw him climb into his Volvo, the car he'd refused to part with since we'd left Forks, regardless of the fact that Edward ALWAYS changed cars when we relocated to a new place. I saw him drive away as Carlisle looked on helpless, anxiety written all over his face as he held a despondent Esme in his arms, trying to soothe her although he didn't know either if and when they'd see Edward again. And then I saw… nothing. I tried to search ahead, to see where Edward's travels would take him to…but I could see nothing. Once Edward turned the corner and disappeared beyond the trees, I couldn't see him anymore. _

"_I can't see it Carlisle. I can't see what will happen if Edward leaves"._

_I looked at Edward, who sat there immobile, except for the eyebrows bunching up over his nose, as he tried to figure out along with me why the vision refused to continue._

"_But you can see that Victoria will meet her death soon? Even if Edward stays?" Carlisle asked, trying to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice, although I, as I was sure Edward, could clearly detect it._

"_Yes" I answered slowly, looking at Edward, begging him in my mind to believe what his own eyes had shown him. 'She will die Edward, you don't have to leave us, she will die, and soon' I said to him in my mind._

_Edward looked defeated. He wanted to go. His whole posture indicated it. He sat with his chair away from the table, as if ready to rise at any second, and his eyes had a restless gleam to them, ready to search the horizon for actual confirmation of what he'd seen in his mind._

_Yet as he looked across the table at his waiting family, Edward could not rise. Carlisle and Esme stared at him with fear in their eyes, fear that tonight would be the last time they saw him again. Emmett and Jasper, while both ready to follow their brother to the ends of the Earth, as they'd proved just a few months ago, were obviously hoping my vision would be sufficient to finally put an end to at least some of his suffering, and keep him grounded, if nothing else. Rosalie, who'd bared more of her soul tonight than she probably had in the past 2 decades combined, just stared at him blankly, obviously exhausted from the revealing outburst of a few minutes ago. And I, the one who had started this whole thing with my damn foreknowledge, which was both a gift and a curse at times, could not make myself look at him directly, other than stealing sideways glances at him. I didn't know what to think, and he knew that. Should he stay or should he go? How would it all play out? I saw his eyes rest on me as he read my confusion, and although he already knew how I felt, he asked me anyway._

"_Alice, what do you think?"_

_I took a deep breath as I answered him honestly._

"_I don't know Edward. I can't see what your decision to go would mean. I can only see what you've seen along with me. She's as good as dead, the decisions have been made. I can't see what will change if you go"._

_Edward took a deep breath in and out, as he continued to stare at me, and then looked over the rest of our family slowly. He was torn, he was burning, he was Edward. Always plagued by tormenting decisions._

"_I'll stay then, if your vision is true, that Victoria will be dead within a few days"._

"_You know it is Edward" I answered quietly. "My visions don't lie". Except they had once, but that had been due to Edward's last decision. In this case, the decision had already been made._

_And with that, Edward had gotten up off the chair, and slowly made his way back up to his room, where he'd stayed for the next few days, only coming down for a couple of hours on Christmas Day at Esme's insistence._

_The rest of us had stared at him as he climbed the steps back up to his room. All of us torn, wanting to help our brother, our son, and knowing there was nothing we could do but be here for him, each in our own different way._

_I'd sat there nervous. Although I knew my heart was dead, I couldn't help feeling like it was beating at 400 beats per minute. My vision was correct, of that I was one hundred percent sure. Victoria had pissed someone off, or was going to piss someone off, so badly that it would lead to her end. Edward, who'd spent so many months trying to do exactly what my vision had shown, could finally rest in the knowledge that he didn't have to worry about her going anywhere near his love anymore, even though he himself would no longer go anywhere near her. _

_Tension had filled my house for months, all of us worrying that at any moment Edward would resume his hunt again, regardless of the fact that, although he was good at almost everything he tried, tracking was obviously not his forte. That tension, at least, would finally dissipate, letting us all breathe, metaphorically, just a tiny bit easier. We all knew though that we still had very far to go to get to any semblance of normal, at least normal for vampires, again._

_I knew all this. I knew it the way only someone who could see the future the way a normal person could look out the window and see everyday life spread out before them, could know things. Victoria would die, we could all relax a little, Edward didn't have to leave._

_Then why did I feel like there would be hell to pay for this?_

**May 2009**

I waited for them anxiously in the backwoods covering Exit 8 off the I-80, still about 100 miles from our house. I'd spoken to Jasper about 5 minutes ago, and I expected he'd be here soon. Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to go into much detail when I'd called him, since I wasn't sure if Edward would be listening, and I couldn't take the chance of him knowing anything yet. He would know everything now, yes, that much was certain, but how to tell him was what was terrifying me. How to tell Edward that the past 4 years had been a wasted effort? How to tell him that he'd left Bella so that she could be safe, and that it turned out she'd been in more danger than we'd ever imagined, and was now practically engaged to a werewolf.

"Oh Lord", I whispered to myself, as I leaned against the tree I was waiting under for support. Even remembering it now made me dizzy, as impossible as that seemed. I replayed the entire conversation from last night once again in my head, cringing as I mentally paused and hit replay at the most unbelievable, unbearable parts.

"_It was Laurent"_

"_Jacob is not a mere mortal"_

"_Victoria came back for me"_

Oh God, how had this happened? How had we been so blind? Bella had never been safe. Everything, everything had been for nothing! Bella's misery, my brother's misery, so much pain and anguish, for nothing. And now she'd put herself in possibly more danger than she'd ever been by putting her life and heart in the hands of a werewolf. What were we going to do now? Because this time, Bella did not want to be saved. She wanted to be left alone, to continue on with her life in Forks, all the while on the cusp of danger if she were to upset the dog too much, whether she wanted to accept it or not.

And as torn apart by regret as I was, I was also angry. Angry at myself, for not having seen this. What was the use of having this gift if it didn't work when I most needed it? Angry at Bella for refusing to see the danger she was in. And angry at my brother, for as much as I knew his intentions had been to keep Bella safe, I had warned him. I'd told him it was a stupid idea, all those years ago when he'd decided that taking himself and the rest of us away from Bella was the way to keep her safe. I'd told him. But he'd been blinded by his arrogance and stubbornness and refused to listen to anyone, as usual.

This was going to tear him apart, I knew it. I had to find a way to break the news to him so that he didn't totally freak out, the way I kept seeing him doing in my visions. Once I reached the house and he gathered the information from my mind before I'd even had a chance to cross the threshold, I saw him tearing everything apart, his eyes blinded with fury, pain and rage. I saw him tear his hair out in anguish, scream at the top of his lungs to the point where the front room windows shattered to a thousand pieces. All as Esme, Emmett and the rest of the family looked on at him in horror, not having any idea what had happened.

I'd kept replaying these horrendous scenes in my head all the way home this morning, trying to imagine different ways to break the news to Edward that wouldn't result in one of these reactions,. But it was no use. No matter how I saw it play out, the result was always the same. Edward in a rage, running off before any of us could stop or help him, running back to her without even thinking of the consequences now. Now, it was too late for him to just run to her. Too much had happened, as I'd found out yesterday night. And while I wanted desperately to go to her, almost as much as Edward would, we had to figure this out together, as a family. Edward running off to Forks in a blind rage without us would not turn out well.

My visions were blocked again, for some unknown reason, and I could not see the result of Edward leaving on his own, but I didn't need my visions to know it wouldn't be good. Bella was right. She wasn't that teenage girl any more, and Edward just showing up at her doorstep after so many years would not solve anything at this point. Her boyfriend was a werewolf for goodness' sake! Our mortal enemy! No, he could not just show up at her doorstep. We had to figure this out together, calmly. But how in the world would we keep Edward calm through this?

I'd left New York City late this morning, after making sure Bella got on her flight back to Seattle safely. We had not spoken again after last night. I knew the evening had been hard for her, and I hadn't wanted to make things more difficult for her. She'd gone to her room last night, and I to mine, directly one floor over hers, and I'd heard her. I'd heard her as she cried herself to sleep, her mom's late night phone call interrupting her anguish. She'd spoken to her quickly, told her she'd had a nice evening, and bowed out of the call quickly, claiming she had a headache. Just as she was about to fall asleep again, the dog had called her, and she'd quickly gotten off that call too, blaming the headache again. Finally, with some heavy sighs, like those of a child after getting over a long crying spell, she'd been allowed to fall into a deep sleep. Unfortunately, the sleep was marred with anguished cries and pleading on her part, why and to whom I could not figure out.

_Please, come back!_ she'd cry out periodically, and I could hear the sheets rustling as she twisted and turned in her bed. _Don't leave me alone here!_ she cried out once, and I could only imagine who she was talking to, but of course, so much had changed, that I couldn't be sure. Bella's mind was an ocean of secrets, even more so than it had been years ago, when my brother had constantly amused himself by trying to figure her out. I was sure figuring her out now would not be an amusement to anyone, least of all him. There was too much sadness in her mind now.

I sighed deeply myself and crossed my arms as I sat on the cold grass, waiting for Jasper and Carlisle's arrival. To think that last night had seemed so promising at first. Bella and I had had a ball at the club! Those drinks she'd had loosened her up and for a while there I'd been able to see Bella unrestrained and unburdened, like the 22 year old she was supposed to be. Of course, I would have never let her overdo it, and when she'd started making her way to the bar for her fourth Pina Colada, I'd quickly guided her back upstairs to the restaurant. As funny as she was acting, I didn't want her to feel sick the next morning, and I knew once Edward saw this portion of our evening, he'd literally bite my head off if he saw her throw up or something because she'd drank too much. To think that _that_ had been my biggest worry at the time, that Edward would see I'd let Bella get drunk and be upset at me for it. Little did I know that would be nothing compared to what he'd be seeing in my thoughts this afternoon.

My foot tapped nervously against the grassy ground as I listened intently for any sound indicating that Jasper and Carlisle were nearby. I thought of my phone call to Jasper a few minutes earlier, as I'd pulled my car over into the strip mall parking lot and quickly disappeared into the surrounding woods, giving up on my decision to face Edward alone, and deciding I needed back up.

The phone had barely registered the call when Jasper picked up.

"Alice, darlin' where are you?" he'd answered nervously.

"Jasper" I'd breathed out his name, willing myself not to sob into the phone.

"Jasper, I'm fine, everything's fine, but I need you to come get me. I need to talk to you in private"

"Alice, is everything okay?" Jasper said, concern all over his voice.

"Yes, I promise you, I'm okay, but I need to speak to you in private. Can you just come meet me, take the I-81, but call me when you're a few miles away from the house, I need to ask you something". I didn't know if Edward would be listening to our phone call; for once I was hoping he'd be too lost in his own world to care about my call to Jasper. But at this point, it didn't really matter too much. He'd know I was hiding something, yes, but he'd know what it was in the next couple of hours anyway.

Jasper was quiet for a few seconds, obviously wanting to ask me so much more, but then I guess he'd decided I wasn't going to answer anything else right now, and he'd quickly agreed to come meet me. A few minutes later, he'd called me back.

"Alright Alice, I'm a few miles from the house, what is going on?" Jasper asked, sounding more impatient by the syllable.

"Jasper, I promise you'll know everything as soon as you get here. But I need you to get Carlisle, and bring him with you to meet me"

"Carlisle? What…why Alice, what is it? Look, it's obvious you don't want Edward to know what's going on, but just tell me-"

"Yes, Jasper, you're right. I didn't want Edward to hear me because I didn't want to get him too suspicious, but he _will_ know what's been going on when we get home, and I'm going to need you and Carlisle to know what's going on beforehand so you can help me keep him calm" I answered him.

"Keep him calm? Keep him calm from what" Jasper continued with his interrogation.

"Jasper! Please, just go get Carlisle from the hospital and meet me here in the woods behind Exit 8 off the I-80. I promise, you will know everything as soon as you get here. Just go!"

Jasper sucked in a breath. "I'll see you in a couple of hours" he agreed, and hung up. I knew I was pushing him to the breaking point. I'd been keeping secrets from him for almost 2 weeks now, and now I was acting like an agent from some horrendous spy movie. '_Leave now!, Call me from the road!, bring Carlisle and no one else!'_ It was ridiculous -I knew it- but unfortunately, necessary.

I looked up at the sky. The sun was hidden behind the clouds, as it had been for most of the weekend. The grey shadows slowly danced across the sky, moving along as they played their own celestial game of charades, reminding me of the constant game we played down here on Earth. As I continued looking upward, I heard footsteps approaching from several feet away, so quickly and lightly that no human ear would have detected them, and I quickly stood up as I saw Jasper and Carlisle approaching.

"Alice!" Jasper cried, as he quickly crossed over to me, taking me in his arms, all fear, doubt and anger quickly leaving him as he felt me safe beside him. I hugged him close to me, feeling as if I hadn't seen him in years, instead of three days. I looked up into his eyes as he loosened his grip around me, and saw nothing but relief in them. I gave him a small smile, the only one I could manage, to reassure him that indeed, I was alright.

"Carlisle" I said, as my father reached over and took my hand.

"Alice, you've had Jasper and I a bit worried" he answered me.

"I know, and I'm sorry, but it's been a crazy few days" I said to him.

"Do you want to tell us what's going on? Are you in some sort of danger, or trouble? Because you know not only Jasper, but the rest of us will protect you with our lives" he said. I looked at my father, who looked on at me with no less love than that of a man genetically attached to his daughter.

"Thank you Carlisle, but no, I'm not the one in danger. I wish it were me, because the one who is in danger is much less able to defend herself than I am" I answered cryptically.

"Alice, honey please. Can you stop talking in riddles already? I can't take this anymore. Just tell us what's going on" Jasper insisted.

"Sorry Jasper" I took a deep breath, and I let it all out.

"I spent the weekend in New York City with Bella" I blurted.

Jasper and Carlisle looked at me in shock, neither able to speak. I continued.

"I had a vision of her almost two weeks ago. The first vision I've had of her in years. I saw she would be in the City for the weekend, and I made a spur of the moment decision to go meet her". They continued to stare at me, not breathing.

"I know. I know I made a promise, _we _made a promise, but I missed her!" I tried to justify to them. "I hadn't _seen_ her in so long, and the vision was so clear, the way they used to be with her. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I wanted to make sure Edward's continued suffering was worth it, that she'd truly moved on like he'd expected her to".

I looked up at Jasper and Carlisle. They continued to stare at me, their eyes narrowed in confusion.

"She was my friend too! He had no right! He had no right to ask me to give her up! She was like my sister! I should've never agreed to it!" I exclaimed.

"But you did" Carlisle spoke up.

"Yes, I did. We all did. But we shouldn't have. Oh God, we shouldn't have" I yelled out, and broke down into Jasper's shoulder.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked, as anxious now to know how Bella was as I was when I'd first gotten my vision. The deed had been done, I'd broken my promise to Edward, and now all Carlisle wanted to know was how his once almost-daughter was doing. He had loved her too.

"Is she doing well?" he continued to question nervously, as I slowly picked my head up from Jasper's shoulder to look at him.

"Well it depends on what your definition of well is" I snorted sarcastically. "If by well you mean being hunted down by Laurent and Victoria and surviving, then yes, I suppose she is well". I threw out one of my bombshells.

"What??!!" Jasper exclaimed "What do you mean hunted by Laurent and Victoria! Laurent disappeared, and Victoria is dead, you saw it in your vision!" he cried out in disbelief.

"Yes, well, apparently Laurent went back to Victoria a few years back. She was intent on avenging James' death. Laurent was taken care of quickly, but Victoria hunted Bella for over a year it seems. The vision I had of her dying was after Bella's _boyfriend_ and the rest of his…_brothers_ took care of her".

I knew the way I'd said the words 'boyfriend' and 'brothers' made them sound like curses. I couldn't help it. I knew they'd saved her, but I still couldn't get over the fact that they were werewolves. And I was going to have to let Carlisle and Jasper in on that little fact now.

Jasper and Carlisle's eyes widened at the mention of Bella's 'boyfriend' and also, I was sure, at the disbelief that any one man and his brothers could defeat a vampire.

"How?" Carlisle questioned, mirroring my own question to Bella from less than a day earlier. "How in the world-"

"Carlisle, Bella's boyfriend is Billy Black's son" I answered him flatly before he finished his question. I figured that was all the information he'd need to put it all together.

I was right.

Carlisle quickly put his hand on Jasper's shoulder to steady himself, more an act of shock than actual need to be steadied.

Jasper looked over to Carlisle in confusion at first. It took him a half a second longer to figure it out - he had not been with Carlisle either when they'd first crossed paths with Ephraim Black, Jacob's werewolf grandfather – but once he did, once he'd placed the name, his eyes bulged in understanding and shared horror.

"Holy Sh-"

"Yes, I know" I answered dryly.

We were all silent for a while. Each of us absorbing the news. Even I, who'd already known for half a day. I still hadn't gotten used to it. Carlisle spoke first.

"Well, this complicates things. When you first told us you'd been with Bella, I thought you called us here because you were afraid of Edward's reaction to that".

"Pfft" I huffed out. "Please. I can handle Edward being mad at me for 'disobeying him'", I said, making little quote marks in the air with my fingers.

"What I can't handle, what I've seen getting out of control, is Edward's reaction to everything else. I've seen him picking the news out of my head before I even walk into the house, and all hell breaking loose inside. I've seen me blocking him until I get inside, and then trying to tell him everything along with the rest of you, with almost exactly the same result; Edward going nuts. The only other thing I could think of was calling you two and letting you know beforehand, so that we can all try to help him stay calm through this, and hopefully let us all work it out together, as a family this time. Instead of him deciding on his own what he thinks is best. We all know how that worked out last time".

"Well, I'll try to keep him calm as best as I can Alice" Jasper said. "But you must know that no matter what, this news is going to kill Edward. I mean, to think he was tracking Victoria for months, and then we thought she was dead, problem over. When all along, she'd been after Bella? No matter what we do, Edward's gonna go ape crazy. And Laurent? None of us had ever even considered that Laurent was a danger to Bella. And a _werewolf?_ Edward left her so she could be safe, and now she's dating a werewolf? I mean, if it wasn't so ironic, it would be downright funny".

Yes, however, none of us felt like laughing at the moment.

"Carlisle, there's something else I've been thinking about" I said. "I haven't been able to '_see_' Bella in a few years. I wasn't sure why. At first I thought it might have been because she was human. Perhaps my gift didn't work as well on humans as it did on our own kind? But then the same thing happened a couple of years ago when I had my vision of Victoria. I felt the same kind of blocking when I tried to look beyond Victoria's burning body, and then again when I tried to see what would've happened had Edward gone after her then".

"But I thought you said that had never happened before that night we discussed your problem seeing Victoria" Carlisle said.

"I know what I said. I didn't want Edward to know I'd been trying to see Bella. Besides, I didn't really think it meant anything"

"Well, why do you think it means something now?" he questioned.

"This weekend, when I was with Bella, I could 'see' her again". I had no trouble seeing what was going to happen once she'd made a decision, as long as it was an event that took place in New York. Once she got on the plane this morning, her future disappeared again. I couldn't see beyond her flight. I couldn't see beyond her landing".

"Maybe it _is_ distance?" Jasper offered helpfully.

"No, I don't think that's it Jasper" I said. "I was able to see her in Forks when she made her decision to come to New York. I saw Victoria burning, and that was distant. I see distant visions all the time".

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "Well, what's the one factor all these blocked visions have in common?" he proposed. "What do all these visions lead to? Who has Bella been spending her time with for the past few years? Who, or what, took care of Victoria? What would Edward have encountered had he left to track Victoria that Christmas? Who is Bella going back to now in Forks?"

"The werewolf!" I gasped out.

"You mean the dogs can block Alice's visions?" Jasper shot out.

"It would appear so" Carlisle confirmed. "Perhaps it's some sort of defense mechanism of theirs? I can't be sure, I'd have to do some more research on that".

"Nevertheless, this does not change our more immediate problem" Carlisle snapped us all back to the present. He was – as our father and leader- ready to take charge.

"Alice, I suggest you keep this from Edward as long as possible once we get home. We'll call a family meeting and we'll break it to Edward and the rest of them together. Jasper, you will use your gift to keep Edward and the rest of the atmosphere as calm as possible while Alice speaks. I'll call ahead and ask Esme to let the rest know that we'll be home within the hour and I'd like to call a family meeting.

"Carlisle, do you think we should ask Emmett to keep Edward restrained?" Jasper asked. Always the military man, his mind was always ready for combat.

"I don't want to get Edward agitated ahead of time" Carlisle answered. Once we get home, I'll just ask you boys to sit on one side of the table together, that way you can both help restrain Edward if it becomes necessary."

Carlisle took in a sharp breath and looked at me. "Alice, do you see these preparations changing your visions of Edward's reaction?" he asked hopefully.

I closed my eyes, as I willed my mind to look ahead of time and see Edward as we all sat around our table, letting him know that the past four years of his self-imposed torture had been in vain. Would we be able to stop him from completely going mad? From destroying everything in sight and running off to Forks in a rage, destroying any hope of a positive reunion between him and Bella? Would he finally understand this time that the only way to resolve this problem would require a well thought out decision made by our entire family, not one made just by him in haste?

We set out for home.

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**Okay, there it is. Hope it was acceptable, I'm not sure how I feel about it personally. Had I had more time, I may have made some changes, but I really wanted to get it out before I leave. Again, sorry about not being able to get Edward's chapter up before I leave, but I promise you all, it will be worth the wait. I didn't want to rush through it, as we all know what a complicated thought process Edward has. I promise to work on it while I'm gone, sipping on my own Pina Colada's on a cruise ship! (And Margarita's and mudslides, and Kahlua, etc. Come to think of it, I may be a little to happy to write Edward's POV!) Just kidding!**

**Please, please please review! I LOVE to hear what you guys think! Let me know what you think Edward's going to do in the next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 9 Hindsight is Not Always 2020

_**A/N: **_**Sorry for the delay to those who've been waiting, but I was away for a while. Vacation was good, but can you believe I caught a stomach virus ****and**** Bronchitis while on vacation? Ugh! Just my luck! But in a bit of good fortune, I was on a cruise, and the ship has a big movie screen on the pool deck, where they played a new movie every day. And out of the thousands of movies they could've chosen to play on an 8 day cruise, can anyone guess what movie they chose to play on the 3****rd**** night of the cruise?**

**I won't tell you! You have to send me a review, and then guess. I'll let you know if you're right. But it's kind of obvious, I think.**

**Oh, and one more thing! I bought my tickets to New Moon today! I know, it's still 2 months away, but my sister and I are going to the midnight screening, and I've heard they're going to sell out quickly! Yay! Anyone else going to the midnight screening?**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky chick! (If they were mine, they'd be busy in Midnight Sun right now!)**

**So hope you enjoy this chapter. It's really long (seriously) but Edward is a complicated soul.**

**__________________________________________________________________________________**

_Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving._

_JOHN FLETCHER, intro, Jean-Claude Favez's __Holocaust  
_

_Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable._

_SYDNEY J. HARRIS, Sam Horn's __Tongue Fu!  
_

**Chapter 9 – Hindsight is Not Always Twenty-Twenty**

**Edward's POV**

Rosalie drummed her long pink fingernails on the mahogany dining table. Her other hand rested under her chin, supporting her head. Her expression was one of utter boredom and frustration. I could for once, not blame her. I felt as bored and frustrated as she did. We'd been waiting here for a half hour, and honestly there were better things I'd rather be doing. I left my room only when absolutely necessary; to hunt, to wash up and occasionally, to appease my family for a couple of hours at a time, joining them in whatever activities they occasionally tried to draw me into. I wasn't fooling anyone though. The little time I spent out of my room was merely to satisfy them, to show them I hadn't gone completely insane yet, and as soon as the obligatory time was up, I'd quickly go back to my hiding place. It was the only sanctuary I had left, where I could do the only thing that brought me some solace in this endlessly lonely existence, lie in my bed and think of Bella.

This interruption to my routine was therefore extremely unwelcome. We'd been summoned down to this family meeting by Esme. She'd informed us that Carlisle was on his way home with Alice and Jasper in tow. I already knew Alice was back, of course. I'd heard Jasper on the phone with her earlier.

_Oh, thank God, she's safe!_ he'd thought in the millisecond it had taken him to answer his phone, and then I'd heard Alice's voice on the other end. I couldn't quite make out what she was saying, and I honestly wasn't interested enough to try, but I heard as Jasper quickly agreed to meet her somewhere and left. While this did pique my interest slightly – I was starting to worry a bit for my sister – once Esme informed us that Carlisle was on his way home with them, I relaxed. She was okay then. This probably just had something to do with the information she'd gone back to Mississippi for, information about her former human life.

I shared my thoughts with the rest of the family gathered at the table - Esme, Emmett and Rosalie.

"Of course" Rosalie muttered. "The little princess is back and we all have to gather to welcome her and listen to her grand stories".

"I think it's a bit more than that" Esme answered, trying to appease Rosalie. "Carlisle sounded concerned on the phone. Maybe Alice uncovered some disturbing information? Maybe the niece she found out about a few years ago passed away?" Esme wondered aloud.

"Well, whatever it is, if she needed Jasper and Carlisle to go meet her, she must be really upset about something." Emmett added.

That was true. Whatever she'd uncovered about her past had obviously deeply affected her, to the point that she'd needed her mate and her father to escort her home. I felt a sudden pang of guilt. In a past time, I would have been someone Alice could have called for help or comfort in her time of need. As much as I loved the rest of my siblings -even Rosalie- Alice had always had a special place for me. How low had I fallen from Alice's graces that she couldn't even count on me for support?

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Rosalie hissed, and stopped drumming her nails against the table. Thank God. A few more seconds and I may have pulled her nails out with my teeth. "You don't think she's trying to convince Carlisle to move us to Mississippi now, do you?"

"Mississippi? What would we do in Mississippi?" Emmett asked. "Although the 'gators might be fun!" he teased his wife. _Hey Ed, up for some Alligator wrestling?,_ he thought. I smirked at him.

Rosalie's nostrils flared in fury at the thought of having to move to the humid swamplands.

"Rose, calm down." Esme spoke soothingly. "I don't think that's it".

"How do you know?" Rose whined. "Well I'm not going! I refuse to be stuck inside some house all day and only come out at night! Not to mention the havoc the humidity would wreak on my hair!"

"Hey Babe, I'd kinda like to see you with curly hair" Emmett continued to tease.

"It wouldn't be curly, you idiot!" Rosalie screeched! "It would be frizzy! There's a difference!".

I decided to intervene.

"Rose, relax. I'm sure that's not it. Alice would never try to convince Carlisle to do something without our input".

"Oh no, of course she wouldn't!" Rosalie continued sarcastically. "Little Miss Perfect Alice would _never_ do something sneaky like that".

"I didn't say she isn't sneaky" I amended. "I just meant she wouldn't try to convince Carlisle to do something we weren't all in agreement with".

"Oh what do you know Edward! You're locked up in your room all the time! Always stuck in your little memory world with no idea of what's going on in the real world anymore!"

I put my head down and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers, and sighed loudly. Why did I even bother trying to have a decent conversation with Rosalie?

"This is why I stay in my room, so I don't have to deal with your stupidity" I said dryly.

"Oh why don't you just go back in your room then? This doesn't concern you anyway!" she hissed. "This only concerns the active members of this family, which you are not anymore, by your own choosing. Go back and hide in your room and we'll let you know what happens. What difference will it make to you where we move to now anyway? No matter where we go, you'll just go lock yourself up in your room! We could move to Tahiti for all the difference it would make to you!"

"Rose, enough. Calm down" Emmett tried to reason with her.

"Yes, Rose, you're getting yourself all worked up and we don't even know that this meeting has anything to do with our upcoming move" Esme continued.

I glared at Rosalie. As much as I hated what she was saying, I couldn't deny it. Any of it. No, it did _not_ make any difference to me where Carlisle moved our family next. Every place would be the same to me; empty, miserable, colder and cloudier than the deepest recesses of Siberia, even if it was sunny Tahiti.

Rose and I continued to glare at each other, a war of wills, to see who would give up first. _Go ahead Edward_, she taunted. _Try me! I dare you! Do you even remember how to fight anymore?_ she goaded me. I continued to glare at her as I spoke to my mother.

"Esme, please inform Carlisle that I _will_ be up in my room if he needs to speak to me" I said, slowly getting up from my chair.

Rose's face fell, as if she hadn't really wanted to win this one. _Damn you Edward! Wake up!_ Anger quickly took control of her features again.

"Yes, that's right! Go back and hide! God forbid you join the real world!" she spat out, frustrated she hadn't been able to draw me in to one of her arguments.

I turned my back on her and the rest of them, and started to walk away, heading for the stairs.

_Lord, if you're up there and hear vampire prayers, please help me keep my thoughts hidden from him until it's time! _The thought came from outside, still a couple of miles away. It was Alice. I stopped walking and turned my face to the door, frowning and tilting my head in confusion.

_We're close now, he can probably read us_, came Carlisle's thought, loud and clear.

_Okay, time to start singin' to myself_, thought Jasper.

_Oh I wish I was in Dixie! Hooray! Hooray!_

_In Dixie Land I'll take my stand to live and die in Dixie!_

Why was Jasper singing Dixie Land to himself?

Why was Carlisle wondering if they were close enough for me to read their minds?

And why in the world was Alice praying?

What were they hiding?

Esme noticed me by the door and looked at me questioningly.

"Edward, what is it?"

I looked at Esme, my brows still furrowed in confusion, and continued to listen.

_Dixie Land._

_Memories of a heart transplant performed a couple of weeks ago._

_Arranging and rearranging accessories to match Versace's fall line. _

I let out a humorless chuckle. "They're home" I announced, slowly walking back to the table. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett all gave me a puzzled look, wondering what had persuaded me to stay after all. I ignored their stares while I kept my eye on the door.

The three got closer, until at last, we heard them at the threshold.

"About time" Rose muttered. I glared at the door, waiting for them to walk in.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened slowly, as if those arriving were unsure whether they actually wanted to walk in or not. Esme and our arriving family greeted one another, although what they said to each other I had no idea. I was intent on hearing what was going on in their minds rather than the words coming from their lips.

_Jasper was reciting "The Blue and They Grey" to himself._

_Carlisle was remembering a triple bypass performed a few days ago._

_Alice was reciting the lyrics to The Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow."_

"Hmph" I grunted, and another humorless chuckle escaped my lips. Rose and Emmett looked at me with wonder.

_Poor kid's cracking up_, Emmett thought to himself.

"Maybe I am, Emmett. Maybe I am" I answered in a flat voice. I had no doubt it would happen any day now.

Alice and her guardians started walking over to where the rest of us waited, at the table. She refused to meet my gaze, looking around the room instead, at everyone else. Carlisle and Jasper nervously did the same. All the while, the errant thoughts continued in their minds. I waited and continued to listen.

Alice looked tense, as did the rest of them. As I took a closer look at her though, I noticed that she looked more than tense. She looked terrified. Absolutely terrified, tired and wary, all at once. And then I started to worry, really worry, for her. Because Alice did not scare easily.

What had happened?

Whatever she was hiding -whatever _they_ were hiding- was alarming, that much was clear. I vowed to myself that unlike most of the times in the past few years, I would help. Rosalie was right. I hadn't been an active member of this family for a long time. But Alice obviously needed me now. And I would be here for her, as she'd always been for me.

Alice came to the table and sat with Esme and Carlisle at either side of her. Jasper came to stand behind me. Before I could think of the implications of that, three things happened at once:

Rosalie directed herself at Alice, quite upset "Alice, I don't care what you've been saying to Jasper or Carlisle! I'm not moving to –

The room was suddenly filled with a very serene, calming feel. Jasper was obviously preparing us for something.

And then, either due to Rosalie's verbal attack or Jasper's calming effect, Alice's mental wall slipped, just for a fraction of a second, but that fraction was all it took.

_Alice sitting in a restaurant, laughing and talking. Then:_

_Alice dancing and laughing…with…a…shadow.…_

"Alice?"

"Stop it!"

_Alice walking down a city street, arm in arm with…_

_The memory blurs, quickly morphs into memories of yellow taxi cabs racing down…Times Square? Endless and endless yellow cabs racing down the street_.

The wall went up again.

"Edward, stop! Stop reading my thoughts!"

"Alice, what was that? Where were you? Who-"

"Stop!" Alice yelled again, putting her head in her hands, trying with all her might to keep me out.

"Edward, wait!" Carlisle demanded. "You will know everything! You will all know everything, but let her speak!"

I stared at them, puzzled and wary. Puzzled, because it was becoming clear that Alice's news had nothing to do with Mississippi. And wary because, although I hadn't seen much from the glimpses I'd just gotten of Alice's memories, there'd been _something _there. Not a face. Not a voice. But a sense. Some sense that told me these memories held so much more than what I'd seen.

What _had_ I just seen though? Just Alice in a restaurant. Alice dancing. Why would she try so hard to keep me from seeing that?

"Edward!" Jasper called, breaking me out of my puzzled reverie. "Just listen to us okay? Don't try to jump ahead. Listen and then we can discuss everything like rational adults. Okay?"

He spoke to me the way an adult would speak to a child when trying to reason with it. Explaining to the child why he can't have the dessert before the dinner. Pleading with the child to be patient.

I turned to Alice, my frustration flamed now. Whatever this was, I wanted it out.

"Alice. What's going on?! If you don't want me to read your mind, then speak! What are you hiding?"

"Yes Alice!" Rosalie chirped. "What's going on?"

Alice took in an unnecessary deep calming breath. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle look at Emmett and motion to him to come stand over me. Now I would have Jasper and Emmett at either side of me. The Empath and the Muscles.

Did this have something to do with me?

I sucked in a breath and prepared myself.

Calm filled the room again and Alice began in a voice so low, had we not been vampires, we would've never heard her.

"I know I told you all I was going away this weekend to do some more research on my past, on my human family" – she took another deep breath- "but in reality I was in New York City".

"New York City?" Rosalie questioned. "What on earth were you doing there?"

Alice tried. I know she tried her best to keep the wall up. I could feel the strain in her mind, struggling to keep her wall up. She was usually very good at it too. No one could keep me out like she could. Back in the days, when I'd been more active at playing these mind games with her, she could keep me out for days, even weeks sometimes, using one of her many tricks. She knew what I hated; shopping, fashion, rap, Avril Lavigne. When worse came to worse, she'd picture acts so depraved that I wouldn't even be able to look her in the eye for months sometimes. Yes, she knew how to keep me out.

But she was out of practice. I hadn't been a real challenge to her in a long time now, and she'd forgotten how to keep the wall up when _I_ was trying my hardest to get in.

_Alice walking arm in arm with someone through a big park, horse and carriages slowly driving by. Joggers running by them with headphones in their ears, and children running around in the background flying huge kites in the grey skies above. Alice and her companion laughing as Alice turns to look at…_

She blocked it before I could see the face.

But not before I could hear the laugh.

The laugh that I would recognize anywhere. The laugh that I heard in my own memories every damned moment of my existence.

"BELLA!!!"

"Bella?"

"Bella?"

"EDWARD, STOP READING MY MIND!!!" Alice begged. But it was too late.

I was at Alice's side in an instant, my hands on either one of her shoulders, my face in hers as she tried to look away from me, bowing her head into her palms.

"Alice, you saw Bella?" I cried out incredulously. "How is she? Is she okay? Is everything okay?" My words rushed out like a flood. My eyes were wild, crazed, like a madman's, I knew. And I knew I was gripping Alice too tightly. But in that instant, it was as if another person had taken over my body, and I couldn't control it. I couldn't see or think straight.

Jasper ripped my hands off Alice's shoulders in a blinding flash, holding them in a vice grip as he stood rigidly behind me.

"You will keep your hands off of her Edward, or I will rip them off ! Now sit down and control yourself or we will not continue!"

I staggered back to my chair, completely thrown off balance by what I'd just heard from Alice's mind. I stared at her frantically.

"Alice, I'm sorry. You know I would never hurt you. I'm sorry if I scared you, I just…" I raked my fingers through my hair, frenzied, shocked. "Please. Just tell me what happened?" I begged.

Alice quickly looked up at me. "Edward, no, you didn't hurt me! No, it's just that…you need to let me do this slowly. You can't try to read it from my mind! You have to listen!" she pleaded.

"Alice, you spent the past few days with Bella?" Rosalie questioned.

"I know all of you, especially you Edward, have many questions, but if you'll let Alice speak she'll fill you in on everything" Carlisle commanded to everyone at the table.

And then Alice slowly stood up from her seat, opposite me, and came to walk over to my side. She must have seen the desperation in my face, the utter torture that her continued mental and verbal silence consumed me with, and finally, mercifully, decided to put me out of my misery. She knelt before me, looking me straight in the eyes, and put her tiny hands on my lap, intertwining her fingers with my own. I stared back at her in desperation, crazed. Jasper quickly came to her side, ready to pull her away, but she quickly shook her head at him. She knew that I would never pose her any danger. Then once again, an unnatural calm filled the room, courtesy of Jasper. Alice continued, never straying her eyes from mine, a small smile suddenly playing on her lips.

"Yes, I spent the weekend with Bella" she spoke quietly. Audible gasps filled the room. "I had a vision of her going to New York City with Renee, and I decided to go meet her". She gave me an apologetic smile.

How many times in the past few years had I asked Alice to stay away from Bella? But as I sat there, totally flabbergasted by my sister's revelation, I found I was not in the slightest bit angry at her. I'd made my sister promise me time and time again that she would not seek out Bella. But the knowledge that she'd seen her, that they'd spent time together, that Bella had _laughed_ with _my_ sister, brought me nothing but pure unadulterated joy at the moment. The only joy I'd felt in over four years. And I returned her chagrined smile with a playful sneer of my own.

She continued her story, knowing she was more than completely forgiven. She knew she would be.

Alice addressed only me as she continued, although the rest hung on her every word.

"She looks beautiful Edward." she sang "Even more beautiful than before." At this, Alice closed her eyes and squeezed my hands, and very generously let her mental wall down for a minute.

_Bella in a boutique with Alice, laughing with the saleslady as Alice throws dozens of clothing items into a fitting room, pushing Bella playfully into the room. Bella's long brown hair bounces back and forth as she struggles with Alice, a futile effort, to stay out of the dressing room. Her cheeks are flushed bright pink, her beautiful brown eyes are dancing with happiness and excitement. She turns her mouth down in a grimace at the mountain of clothes waiting for her in the dressing room. Bella turns around and sticks her tongue out at Alice, and then laughs and shuts the fitting room door behind her._

I closed my own eyes as the memory played in my head, inhaling and exhaling deeply once it was over, as if just the memory of Bella could once again fill me with her scent. That wonderful scent that had once been my torture.

"She's graduating from college next month" Alice continued. A huge smile filled my face, bigger than any smile I'd had in years. My Bella was graduating college. She had continued with her life, as I'd always wanted her too.

"And she's opening up a bookstore in town!" Alice exclaimed proudly, as if the accomplishment were her own. Her pride could only have been second to my own.

"And…" Alice hesitated now. "She's…doing…well Edward". Alice's face, which had just been glowing with happiness and pride, took on a nervous edge now, and my own face, which had reflected Alice's happiness just a second ago, followed suit.

"What is it Alice?" I questioned her, narrowing my eyes. A stab of fear hit me suddenly as I remembered the tactical manner in which this family meeting had been arranged. Alice had not come straight home after her weekend with Bella. She had panicked. She'd panicked and called for reinforcements, in the manner of our father and her military husband. Once they'd arrived home, I'd been flanked by both Jasper and Emmett, the two people in our family who could control me if the need arose, one with his mental ability to calm, the other with his unequaled strength.

And then I understood.

I was sure Alice's fear had been because she'd broken her promise, had gone against my wishes for her to stay away from Bella. But this was Alice. Alice did not fear me. She never had. As deceivingly small and fragile as she appeared, she was a true devil in disguise. I'd witnessed for myself, on more than one occasion, as she made Emmett himself cry out "Mercy". Once, he'd stupidly decided to "bling" one of her new designer bags as a prank. She'd chased him around the house, flinging herself on his back like a little monkey, and pulled his ears back so far it was a miracle she hadn't snapped them off. Emmett never went near her pocketbooks again.

No. Alice had not kept her promise to me all these years because she feared me – but because she was loyal to me. As much as she'd disagreed with my decision to leave and with my desire to keep her and the rest of my family away from Bella, she had stayed away because of loyalty.

Her terrified demeanor upon her arrival home had not been because she feared me…but because she feared for me.

I freed one of my hands from hers and used it to bring her face to mine.

"Tell. Me. Everything." I demanded. She tried to break away from me, tried to block me once again, but as before, she was a millisecond too late.

I was not expecting the first memory that flashed through her mind. I knew this memory. I'd seen it along with Alice a couple of years ago.

_Victoria_, _that despicable excuse for a being, burning in a fire._ _Torn to pieces and burning. _

That vision, that memory, quickly changed.

_An image of Bella sitting at a restaurant, looking uncomfortable and unhappy. _

Before Alice's memory of Bella could speak though, Alice recovered herself and quickly put her wall up again.

Fire raced through my veins, lighting the venom in them at lightning speed, turning everything I saw into varying shades of red, as if I were looking through two red marbles instead of my gold eyes. What these two memories of Alice shared in common, I did not know. But it could not be good, of that much I was sure.

I broke both my hands free from Alice now and stood up at vampire speed.

"TELL ME!" I yelled down to her.

"Edward wait! Try to calm down" Alice pleaded.

"NO! TELL ME NOW!" I ordered.

Carlisle quickly looked at Emmett and nodded, a sign that I was quickly getting out of control. Emmett was at my side in an instant, restraining me from behind, as Alice quietly sobbed and Jasper continued his tenuous calm on the room. I felt myself relax in Emmett's grip, but not enough. Definitely not enough.

"What is it Alice, what's Edward seeing in your mind?" Rosalie demanded, annoyed at having to guess what was happening.

"Edward" Alice began, again addressing me and ignoring Rosalie and the rest.

"Edward, there's no easy way for me to say these things, to tell you what I'm about to, but you can't overreact! We must all discuss this as a family Edward. You have to let us help you-"

And then I felt the room spin, turn on its axis faster than I'd ever felt it before, as I prepared myself for the worst.

"Oh God, is she okay?" I pleaded with her as I closed my eyes and sank helplessly into Emmett's restraints. "Please just tell me she's okay Alice. I can deal with anything else, just tell me she's okay!" I implored.

"Yes! Yes, she's fine…for… now Edward"

I narrowed my eyes at her, willing my mind to stop reeling long enough for me to try to make sense of Alice's words. She was dancing around something, and it seemed as if whatever it was should have been plainly obvious to me. Yet, I could not grasp it.

"What do you mean…for now? What does what happened to Victoria have to do with your reunion with Bella?"

"VICTORIA?" Rosalie yelled, frustrated. She, as well as the rest of our family, hated these two sided conversations Alice and I occasionally held. But in this case, they knew better than to interrupt, and tried to understand what was going on with just the snippets they were catching.

Alice swallowed audibly before she continued. "Edward, do you remember a few years back, Tanya and Kate called to tell us Laurent had left one morning to hunt, and had not returned? They wanted to know whether we had any idea of what may have become of him?"

I gritted my teeth as I answered her. "Yes, I remember."

Her wall cracked once more.

_Bella once again. At the restaurant. Looking sadly at Alice as she explains:_

"_Yes, well, apparently Laurent had gone and met up with Victoria again-"_

My responding growl was loud enough to make everyone in the room cringe.

"JASPER, CALM HIM DOWN!" Carlisle ordered.

Jasper desperately tried to send another wave of calm at me, but I stubbornly refused to be calmed.

"Edward, calm down or we cannot continue!" Jasper repeated to me.

I tried desperately to gather my wits. I needed Alice to continue, and right now she was looking at me with a face full of horror, a face that I was sure was a reflection of the mask I wore myself. She continued nonetheless, knowing she had to get it all out now, for the longer she took, the more my fury would grow.

"Edward, please try to listen to me! Listen to my words! If you keep trying to read my mind, you won't understand!"

"THEN HURRY AND MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!"

"He met up with Victoria again" she rushed out. Everyone else in the room hissed. "Apparently, Victoria was intent on getting revenge for James' death. She went after Bella."

Another impossibly louder roar from me. The anguish was excruciating. The fury was immeasurable. Emmett's hold tightened.

"She got away Edward!" Alice continued in a rush, mollifyng me. "She hunted Bella for some time, but she was defeated and Bella is safe!"

I panted heavily, feeling as if the air were being sucked out of my lungs, something which I knew was impossible. _She got away!, She got away!_, I kept repeating to myself over and over. _Bella's safe!, Bella's safe!_, I repeated. A mantra to keep me over the surface, to keep me from drowning, from sinking under the weight of the impossible information I'd just been given.

And as I repeated the mantra to myself, willing my breathing to even out, to be able to form the next question I needed to ask Alice, another low growl started forming deep in the pit of my stomach. Because I saw the lie.

Bella could not have gotten away. Alice's memories of Bella must have been older than she claimed them to be, or they must have been fabricated. A ruse on my sister's part to keep me from seeing the truth. This must have been why she needed to speak to Carlisle and Jasper first. To come up with this plan to deceive me.

The truth was, if Victoria and Laurent had hunted Bella, my beautifully human, fragile girl, there was no way she would've been able to get away. Not without me there to take care of her. To protect her.

Dear God, what had I done?

I looked at Alice as the terror gripped me, choking me with its invisible hands.

"How???" I managed to choke out between my clenched teeth. "How, in the name of all that's holy, could she have gotten away?" I asked her disbelief thick in my tone. Because I knew, in that instant, that my existence was over. Over the years, I'd had plenty of time to figure out how I would do it, and I would be on the next plane out to Italy after Alice's response.

Alice, my tiny sister, seemed to shrink even more before me. Her golden eyes were a pool of sadness as she stared back at me, the pity in them adding more fuel to my certainty that this could really not have ended as well as they were trying to make me believe.

"Edward, I need you to calm down. Now." she whispered to me.

"AAARRRGGGHH!!!" I yelled, as I used all my strength to try to break free from Emmett's grasp. He threw me to the floor in one hard swoop, throwing himself on top of me, with Jasper helping him.

"Please, don't hurt him!" Esme yelled in horror, as she quickly ran to my side. I continued to kick and growl, trying desperately, in vain, to break free; or if they really wanted to grant me mercy at this point, to force their hands. If they killed me right now, they'd save me the trip to Italy.

"You're hiding the truth from me Alice! Tell me the truth! She couldn't have gotten away! How? Tell me how? Tell me your lie now and get it over with! And then let me go so I can do what I must!"

"I'M NOT LYING!" Alice yelled back. "Look Edward!" she said, now giving me full permission to invade her mind. "Look and see for yourself!" she yelled back desperately.

_Bella at the restaurant again, continuing her story to Alice._

"_Jake saved me Alice, Jake and his brothers saved me." _

I stopped struggling. My mind trying to make sense of what I'd just seen in Alice's mind. Confusion clouding me at every turn.

Jake? Who was Jake? And more importantly, how had he saved my Bella?

"Who is Jake Alice?"

Emmett looked up from his vice grip on me long enough to give Alice a questioning glance. He and the rest were following the situation as best as they could, considering the way Alice and I were communicating.

"What the hell is going on guys!!??" he asked impatiently. "And who the hell is Jake?" he repeated my question.

Alice began sobbing again, but this time I could not let her reaction affect me.

"ALICE! WHO IS JAKE?" I demanded from under Emmett and Jasper's grip.

Alice, sobbing loudly now, looked away from me. She looked down at her feet, her hands clenched into tight fists at her side, and her face filled with anger and disgust.

"Jake is Jacob Black, Edward" she answered through her sobs. "A Quileute. Ephraim Black's descendant." She paused for a second, letting the words and their meaning sink in.

"You understand, don't you?" she snarled now, looking at me once again. "He and his 'brothers' saved her from Laurent, and then Victoria. And now, he is her…he's her boyfriend". She spat out the words as if they were curses, flinging them at me like knives.

Several emotions coursed through my body in that instant. Not one at a time, as would occur with a human. But all together, in the same instant. So that although I felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the knowledge that Alice had not been lying, that Bella had been saved, and although that relief was the dominant emotion, it still could not erase the knives -no, the daggers- that stabbed at my dead heart in that instant.

Of course I understood. I understood the meaning of Jacob Black the second Alice had uttered his surname. The additional information had been unnecessary. It was the only answer that would have made sense, the only way Bella could have been saved from two bloodthirsty vampires intent on her death. She had not saved herself, nor had she been saved by a boy and his brothers.

A werewolf and his pack had killed Laurent and Victoria.

The pain was almost unbearable. The pain of knowing I'd left Bella to face Laurent and Victoria without me cut through me like a rusted serrated dagger, leaving jagged edges of venom through my insides. But before I could react to it, the pain of the second blow hit me, and had I not been a vampire, I was certain I would have passed out. The werewolf, the creature that had been created to be a mortal enemy to my kind, now claimed my Bella's love.

I gathered from the rest of my family's thoughts that they'd understood also.

'_A werewolf? Oh, hell no!'_ Emmett thought.

'_Oh my Dear Lord! Not werewolves!'_ my mother thought.

'_Ugh! Werewolves? Gross!'_ came Rosalie's disgusted thought.

Jacob Black. Of course I remembered him. I'd seen him a few times back in Forks. When Bella was mine. He'd wanted her for himself since then, I recalled. But I'd never given his childish crush much weight. He was younger than her, I remembered, and had no intentions of letting her know of his feelings. He'd been with his father those few times Billy and my path had crossed outside Bella's house. And then, of course, he'd shown up at our prom with a message from his father for Bella. That was when I'd seen his feelings for Bella were more than friendly, as he danced with her, wishing he could continue the dance all night. But I'd never imagined then, - or in the years following, as I lived my reclusive life locked in my room, dreaming of Bella, - I'd never imagined him for what he was. I'd never given Jacob Black's presence in Bella's life a second thought.

Oh God, how wrong I'd been, about so, so much.

I was truly damned.

The agonized howl I let out in the two seconds following Alice's news shook the entire frame of the house. Esme's crystal chandelier above the mahogany table danced back and forth. The vases -filling the room with the scent of Spring's Tulips that my sister's had lovingly picked to fill the house- shook perceptibly, threatening to spill their contents over; and the dining room windows – already weakened from my previous growls throughout this godforsaken day – filled with tiny cracks, dancing up and down the frames like lightning in the darkened sky.

Silence filled the large dining room for what seemed like an eternity, but was in reality only a few seconds. Everybody processing the bombshell Alice had just dropped on us, on me, in their own way. The only noise came from me, in the form of heavy panting and low growls. My frustration and anguish at the knowledge that Bella had been a target for the worst of my kind, and that I had not been there to protect her, continued to build, and in my anger, I lashed out at those that were closest to me.

"I should have been there to protect her! I should have been there!" I repeated over and over, as my family listened to me quietly. There minds reflecting nothing but shock and sadness.

I turned my fury on my sister. My ally. "Alice, you told me she was safe!" I said, recalling the one instance years back when lying in my bed, I'd weakened and asked her, for the last time, to check on Bella for me.

"You told me she was safe!" I repeated, accusation in my tone. "And then you told me it was unnecessary for me to go after Victoria, after you'd had your vision of her being burned! I should have gone! I should've been there!" I yelled, flinging the reproaches wildly.

Jasper, who'd been helping Emmett hold me down, gave me an angry glare. "Now wait a minute Edward-" he started, but Alice didn't let him finish.

"Hold on Jasper" she said to him quietly, in a tone I knew very well. A tone that meant she had her own fire brimming, threatening to overflow now. She'd been kneeling on the floor next to the chair where I'd been sitting just a few minutes ago, hands still clenched into fists. Upon hearing my accusations, she slowly stood up and walked over to where I was being held by Emmett and Jasper. Alice knelt before me slowly and as I lifted my face to meet her eyes, I saw the fire seething. All softness and femininity was gone from her features. She looked entirely like the vampire that she was.

"Don't. You. Dare." she hissed through her teeth, a low growl in her own voice. "Don't you even dare try to pin any of this mess on me! This was all you! All your fault! I warned you something like this would happen! I warned you she couldn't be safe! And what did you say to me? 'Leave her alone Alice. Stay out of her future Alice.' Well I stayed out of her future! I left her alone for years, as you requested, Oh Mighty Edward!" she fanned her arms and bowed her head at me mockingly. "And now you're going to try to blame me for not seeing? My visions aren't perfect, and you know that! But you should have been there! That's what all this boils down to! You should have been there! We should have never had to depend on my visions to know whether she was safe or not! You should have been there all along to ensure her safety yourself!"

"If I would've gone after Victoria like I planned to after you had your vision-"

"If you would have gone after her, what? What do you think would have happened?" Alice spat out, looking at me incredulously, as if I'd grown another head. "Bella was already dating the wolf by then! She already had him protecting her. She didn't need you to be her protector anymore! If you would've gone and found Victoria in Forks, the wolves tearing her up, what do you think would have happened? Do you honestly think Bella would've disregarded the mutt, after what he just did for her, and run to you, and you two could've lived happily ever after? Have you forgotten what Bella's like? She would've never disregarded the wolf like that! He already meant too much to her by then!" I winced at that. "Had you gone back to her in the rage you were in after my vision of Victoria it would've just ended in a fight between you and the dog, and Bella herself could've ended up hurt, either by getting in between both of you, or by Victoria herself!

YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT!" she screamed at me at the top of her lungs. "YOU STUPID, ARROGANT JACKASS! YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVER LEFT!" she yelled right in my face.

I said nothing. There was nothing I could respond. I knew everything she was saying was true. I knew it even before she spoke the words, or thought them in her head. Of course it was all my fault. I'd left Bella to keep her safe, and I'd left her in more danger than she'd ever been. In order to survive, she'd had no choice but to put her life, and apparently her heart, in the hands of something even more dangerous than the vampires themselves.

"I'm…I'm sorry Alice. You're right. You're right about everything. I…wasn't trying to blame you. Of course I know this is all entirely my fault. I just…I…can't believe any of this" I cried out, frustrated. Ashamed. Alice stared at me, the pain of my betrayal in her eyes. I'd asked her to abandon the best friend she'd ever had, to turn her back on someone she'd considered her sister. And she'd done it. For me. Even though it had hurt her deeply. And now when it had become apparent how wrong I'd been, I'd blamed her for not seeing what I'd forbidden her from looking for.

Was there no end to my guilt and shame?

Alice stared at me coldly, her anger slowly subsiding. She sighed loudly. "I know you didn't mean that Edward" she conceded, begrudgingly. "I know you're upset. You love her. But I love her too. This kills me…almost as much as it does you".

Yes. I knew my sister loved Bella. Not as much as I, but a great deal. That was one of the reasons I hadn't let her say goodbye to Bella all those years back when we'd left. Because I knew how much Alice loved Bella, and I hadn't trusted her to have the self-control needed to say goodbye. If only I'd listened to her then. Where had my strength to stay away gotten me? Gotten us? What had been the point? I'd left for nothing. And now Bella was in more danger than ever.

Alice interrupted my thoughts.

"Edward" she began. "I need to give you the whole story, at least, as I have it. Can you stay calm enough to hear it?" she asked, warily. _I'll let you see what I saw_, she added silently. I nodded once.

And as Carlisle went back to the beginning and explained the whole sordid mess to the rest of our family, Alice let me into her mind once again. She showed me everything this time. From the first vision she'd had of Bella in her room back in Forks, making plans to spend the weekend with her mother in New York City, to seeing Bella walk into the hotel in the City, to meeting up with her in the Theatre, and then spending the day with her around town. I reveled in my sister's memories, for they brought me my first real glimpses of Bella in over four years. I closed my eyes as I greedily let myself enjoy these candid moments with my love, hungrily drinking in these second hand memories, letting myself drown in the celestial sound of her voice, the unmatched beauty that she'd become, and even taking solace in Alice's memory of her scent, which after all these years, was still just as potent.

Alice's memories brought us to a restaurant. The same one where I'd seen Bella confess her story to Alice. Alice's memory switched over to an image of herself and Bella…dancing(!), I raised my eyebrows at her questioningly, and Alice quickly clamped down on that memory.

"Alice, how in the world did you get her to-"

"Um, we'll come back to that one later, that's not really important right now" she muttered nervously, and instead took me to an image of Bella sitting across from Alice, looking anxious and a little…dazed?

Their conversation was already under way at the point Alice took me to, and I got the feeling that Alice had purposely skipped some parts of the conversation, keeping certain things between Bella and herself private even from me – or perhaps especially from me. I wouldn't ask her what she didn't want to tell me, I owed their friendship at least that much respect. I trusted Alice to let me see everything that would be relevant to the decision that had to be made now, even though both she and I knew my decision had been made the moment she mentioned the wolf.

'_Believe me Alice, you don't want to know'_, I heard Bella say to Alice, to which Alice responded _'Bella, I do want to know, very much. Why don't you tell me? Was it that bad?'_ Alice pleaded.

'_Try me Bella'_, Alice tried to reason with Bella. _'I know you're having a hard time confiding in me, and it may be because of my proximity to…well… but I promise you, I can keep my mind shielded if I have to'_ she promised. She'd promised to shield her mind? I looked at Alice, my eyebrows raised questioningly.

"I promised her I wouldn't tell" Alice began, looking slightly guilty once again, "but I didn't know what I was promising at the time, the same as when I made my promise to you. I had no idea what danger she'd been in." she added. "She's mad at me for breaking my promise" she added sadly. Then she exhaled loudly and said in a huff "But I'm tired of making promises that shouldn't be kept. You needed to know. We all needed to know the mess we've left behind".

'_I will only tell you what you need to know; I owe her some privacy'_ she added silently, confirming my suspicions that she wouldn't show me everything that was spoken between herself and Bella. I nodded my understanding and agreement.

If I'd been horrifiedby the images leading up to these events, I was completely unprepared for the reaction caused by having to relive Alice's memory of Bella's description of Laurent and Victoria's hunt. Venom flowed to my mouth, causing me to have to swallow back repeatedly to keep from choking. My whole body shook with fury, causing Jasper and Emmett, who'd relaxed their grip on me, to once again restrain me, fearing I was about to lose control again, and a low growl emanated from deep within my chest. The rest of my family, who'd been listening intently as Carlisle continued explaining to them the same story Alice was letting me read in her mind, gasped in surprise as they looked at me.

"Easy Edward, easy" Jasper commanded as he continued to try to use his gift to send waves of calmness to me. But I was beyond Jasper's gift at this point.

Alice was editing, of that I was sure. I got snippets of their conversation, just enough to catch the gist of what was happening, but the images would just as quickly morph into another bit of conversation, not flowing smoothly, as a T.V. movie would, but choppy, like a family's home video.

And then I saw exactly how much of a responsibility I'd had in the events.

Bella had thought she was hearing me.

Dear God, she'd gone right to Victoria because she thought she was hearing me.

The guilt that consumed me was like the flames from a nuclear blast, burning me alive, and my body convulsed from the feeling, as I sank deep into the floor, Emmett and Jasper trying to hold me up instead of down this time.

Alice's memory of Bella detailing her attack and rescue continued.

'_He jumped right in front of me as Victoria lunged, and bared the brunt of her attack. She broke some of his ribs and dislocated his shoulder, but werewolves heal quickly'_

A low moan escaped my lips at the knowledge that another had had to save Bella from a danger I'd brought upon her, and I sunk deeper into the floor, wishing I could bury myself in it.

_It's okay_. _I'm better now. I've moved on, and I'm okay now' Bella said._

She'd moved on. I cringed at the words. Even as I realized they were what I'd wanted for her. Even as I realized I'd made it happen.

Carlisle had finished his recount of the story to the rest of the family, and they all waited silently for Alice and I to finish our silent exchange.

_Edward you didn't know. You had no way of knowing._ Alice tried to comfort me. _She knows that. She doesn't blame you for any of what happened._

"She should!" I answered Alice aloud. "Of course she should. I left her when she needed me the most. I should have known! I should have known Victoria would come after her! And now look, she's at the mercy of a dog!

"That's not exactly how Bella sees it" Alice said, her voice dripping with disgust.

And at the mention of the dreaded wolf, whom I both owed eternal gratitude to, and whom I detested, Alice shot into another series of memories.

_Bella and Alice, still in the restaurant. The conversation appears more heated, on both sides. _

'_Alice, I've been with Jake for years, and he and his pack have never been a danger to me!' Bella shoots out defensively, but her voice falters at the end._

"What was that about Alice?" I questioned her, noticing Bella's falter. "Has he hurt her?" I asked in a panic.

"I don't know Edward" Alice answered, flustered. "She wouldn't elaborate. She was…defensive of them". She shook her head in disbelief, as more of the conversation replayed in her head.

'_Alice!'_ Bella appeared upset at Alice now. '_Jake is not a danger to me, no more so than Edward was!'_

At Bella's mention of my name, my heart leapt with joy. A ridiculous reaction when you noted the context in which it had been spoken. Still, this had been the first time I'd heard her say my name throughout the entire exchange. A thrill ran through me, even as I realized she was comparing me to the dog.

'_Jake has been everything to me for the past few years. I owe him everything!'_ she exclaimed.

I cringed again.

And that was where Alice's memories ended. The wall went up once more, and this time, I could tell it would stay up. I got the distinct feeling more had been said between the two women, but Alice was done disclosing her mind. Whatever else had been said between Alice and Bella would remain between them.

"Thank you" I said to my sister. I saw how upsetting these memories had been for her, and I was grateful to her for replaying them for me.

"I understand that she holds him in a higher regard than she does me. He was there for her when I wasn't" I defended Bella.

"Hmph!", Alice huffed out, apparently still irritated that Bella would defend the dogs. "It doesn't make him any less a danger to her!"

"No, it doesn't" I agreed. "But she doesn't understand that".

Emmett and Jasper sat quietly on the floor next to me. No longer restraining, but still hovering over me in case I lost my control again. But I was done losing control. I stood slowly. My stance was rigid, the lines on my face hard, my mouth set in a tight line. I knew what I had to do now. I'd known since the second I found out there was a werewolf in Bella's life.

"Edward, there's something else you should know" Alice said quietly.

"Carlisle and I discussed it on the way home. And we think we may have an idea why I wasn't able to see the werewolves' involvement in Victoria's death. Or why I haven't been able to see Bella for the past few years."

"And what is that?"

"We think it may be some sort of defense mechanism. An inborn defense they have against us" Carlisle spoke up.

"So you're saying Alice's gift doesn't work when the werewolves are involved? She can't see them?"

"No, I can't" Alice answered, clearly upset by that. "And what's worse, I can't see Bella when she's around them. That's probably why I haven't been able to see her for so long. The wolf has been around her…" she hesitated "a lot".

I shook my head in disbelief and snickered humorlessly.

"Hmph. Unbelievable. This just gets better and better. Doesn't it?" I grimaced.

"Well, how about the rest of us? Can I read their thoughts? Can Jasper control their emotions?" I wondered.

"I honestly don't know" Carlisle answered. He took a deep breath. "I guess we'll just have to see."

I thought of the implications of that.

"Yes. We will" I assured him.

I faced my family, all watching me intently, wondering what to make of me.

"_Son, please think before you react."_

"_Edward, you know we're here for you no matter what."_

"_Just say the word bro, we'll go kick some werewolf hide!"_

As much as I was sure Bella did not want to see me, I _had_ to go to her now. I had to apologize. I had to beg her forgiveness for not being there for her all these years. I knew it was too late for us now. Too much had happened in the past few years. She'd suffered too much due to my stupidity for there to be any hope for us now. She had been able to move past me, and had been able to give her heart to another.

I had to live with that.

But I couldn't live with the knowledge that her life was still in danger. That she was putting her life on the line every single day that she remained near that…that…_mongrel_. I had to make her see. I had to go to her and make her see.

Because Alice was right. She'd warned Bella that the wolves were dangerous and Bella had tried to deny it – but she'd faltered in her denial. I'd sensed it in Alice's memory.

But I would have gone anyway. Even if I hadn't seen Bella's falter, I would have gone to her. As horrible as I'd been at ensuring Bella's safety for the past few years, I could not live in a world where Bella was not safe.

"Edward, she needs us!" Alice interrupted my thoughts before I could speak.

"Alice, this is something I have to do on my own."

"The hell it is you moron!"

Rosalie, of course. Rosalie would be opposed to my going back. Emmett and Jasper, being the brothers they were, would want to come with me. And of course, Rosalie would not want her husband in any danger, especially when it came to protecting Bella, whom Rosalie had always hated.

"Rosalie, don't worry!" I spat out. "Emmett is not coming with me. No one is. I'm taking care of this on my own, so you can stop-".

"Now hold on brother-" Emmett started.

"Now Rose, we have to discuss this" Carlisle began.

"Ugh! You _are_ an arrogant ass aren't you?" Rosalie continued, rolling her eyes at me. "I'm not trying to stop you from going to her. I know nothing could stop you now. And I don't mean I don't want Emmett going either!" she said. "I mean, you are not doing this alone!"

We all stared at Rosalie in shock.

"Ugh!" she said again. "You know absolutely nothing about women, do you?" she accused. "Human or vampire!"

"Hmph!" she exhaled heavily. _'I guess I'm going to have to spell this out for you Edward'_ she thought.

"What exactly is your plan?" she questioned me out loud.

"What do you mean, what's my plan?" I asked her, confused by her attitude, as well as her question.

"I mean" -she spoke slowly, enunciating every word carefully, as if I were really as slow as she accused me of being- "what do you plan to do once you get back to Forks?"

"Do you plan to just run up to Bella's house, ring her doorbell, and say 'Hey Bella, I'm back! Sorry I was gone so long! By the way, the mutt you're fooling around with is dangerous. Dump him or I'll rip his head off!"

"Of course not!" I answered her. "What kind of a fool do you take me for? I know it'll be more complicated than that. But I'll reason with Bella. She's a smart, reasonable person. I'm sure if I just explain to her the danger involved with young werewolves-"

"Ha!" Rosalie laughed. "Are you kidding? This is Bella we're talking about! When has she ever been reasonable? When has she ever seen danger, even when it was right in front of her? I doubt there's anything about the dog you can tell her that she doesn't already know. She's been with him for a while, hasn't she Alice?" Rose looked to Alice for confirmation. Alice nodded at Rose, still wondering where exactly Rosalie was going with this.

"I'm sure she's gotten to know the dog very well." With a sly smile added, "extremely well, if you know what I mean".

I knew exactly what she meant, and I instinctively lunged for Rosalie's neck. Emmett grabbed me by the collar before I could reach her.

'_Temper, temper brother!' _Rosalie teased me. _'Well, well, well. Look who's finally woken up?'_

"Do you have a point Rosalie?" I asked, seething.

"My point is-" she continued, exasperated by my slowness "that you are a fool if you think you can just show up and convince Bella to dump the dog."

"So what do you suggest I do? Just sit here and wait until Alice has another vision of Bella in trouble?"

"No, of course not. That's not what I'm saying".

"Then what are you saying, Rosalie?"

"I'm saying we all need to go back, Edward." _'As a family'_ she amended in her thoughts.

I looked at Rosalie suspiciously. "Why would you want to help either Bella or myself? You've made your dislike for Bella very well known from the beginning."

Rosalie gave me a hard glare. She took a deep breath. "I know that Edward. I know I made things…uncomfortable for you and Bella when you were together and I…I suppose I was wrong. But I didn't know. I didn't know back then how much you truly loved her, how important she was to your…well…your well being. I thought you'd forget her Edward" she continued. "I mean, you didn't even want to change her! I figured that was proof you couldn't really want her forever! I really thought that all you needed was some time away. Some time to clear your head from her intoxicating scent, and then you'd realize how impossible your relationship was. I didn't see…I didn't see until it was too late how necessary she was to you. Otherwise, I would've never backed you Edward. I would've never been the one to back you on your decision to leave. I see now what a mistake that was." She looked away from me, at the folded hands on her lap.

"Rose" I answered her gently. I knew this was as close to an apology for behavior towards Bella as she'd ever get. "There was nothing you could've said back then that would have changed my mind. My mind was made up. Don't hold yourself responsible".

"I know that" she answered. "But…nevertheless" she insisted "I know you need to do this, and I feel…we all need to make amends. We all need to be there."

"I appreciate it Rose, but you don't have to do this-"

"No Edward. Listen to Rose" Carlisle interrupted. "She's right. We all need to be there for Bella. We all left her before. She needs to see that she has us. She has a family who can and will be there for her. And besides" Carlisle continued "you need to realize a couple of things too".

"The first is Edward, that you need to be able to accept help from this family" Carlisle demanded. "Perhaps if you'd stopped to listen to us, to myself, to Esme, to Alice, when you made the decision to leave Bella a few years ago, perhaps we could have found another way to keep Bella safe. But you shut us out Edward, and disregarded our opinions on the matter. We cared for her too, we cared for both of you. But you didn't trust us enough to even listen to what we had to say."

I stared at Carlisle as he spoke. The truth of his words cut like a knife. I covered my eyes with my palms. Why had I been so blind? There had been no room for compromise the day I'd left Bella. I hadn't wanted to listen to what anyone else had to say, not my family, not even Bella herself.

"The other thing is" Carlisle continued "and you may not want to hear this, but you should consider the possibility that Bella may not be in any danger from Jacob Black."

I looked at Carlisle, confused, but it was Alice who spoke first.

"No Carlisle! Bella told me herself! Jacob Black _is_ a werewolf!" she insisted.

"I realize that Alice." Carlisle spoke gently to her. "What I mean is, perhaps he is not a danger to her".

I growled at my father.

"He is a werewolf! Our mortal enemy, by definition. Werewolves have no self control! They pose a threat to any human!" Especially my Bella, I thought.

"He is _our_ mortal enemy, Edward. That doesn't necessarily make him her mortal enemy. And many would find it hard to believe that a vampire could not pose a threat to a human, yet here we are, living proof that that is not necessarily the case".

I stared at my father, in disbelief.

"So what do you propose?" I asked him angrily. "Do you really think I'll just sit here and do nothing?"

"No, Edward. Of course not. I just want you to realize that you may not be impartial enough to determine whether Bella is in any actual danger or not from the werewolf.

You see, if you go off alone, you may just end up getting into an unnecessary altercation with the werewolf, and possibly alienating her even further.

"My main concern is for her safety" I answered "Even if that does lead to her hating me even more".

"I'm sure you realize that by 'brothers' Bella was referring to more wolves, a pack of wolves Edward" Carlisle went on. There are a few of them son, and I cannot let you go off alone knowing the temper you have".

"I'm not afraid of a few rabid dogs" I sneered, baring my sharp teeth.

"I know you're not" Carlisle answered. "And that's what frightens me".

"Edward, if you think Jasper and I are gonna let you have all the fun with the dogs, you are so wrong my brother" Emmett teased. Jasper laughed and high-fived him.

"It doesn't necessarily have to come to that" Carlisle insisted. "We need to go together, as a family, and evaluate the situation. It may not have to come to a fight".

Esme, who had been silent through most of the conversation, looked up at me sadly. Her concern for Bella's safety matched by other motherly concerns.

'_And what about you?'_ she asked me silently. I gave her a quizzical look.

"What will you do once Bella's safe, Edward?" she asked. "Once you convince her that the wolf is dangerous, or even if you don't convince her" – I could tell by the way she wrinkled her nose that she wasn't as open as Carlisle to the possibility that the wolves did not pose a threat. "What becomes of you once we're sure Bella's safe?" she wondered.

I'd thought about that already, of course. I'd known since the second I found out about the werewolf, since the moment I knew I had to go back to her, that I would never leave this time.

"I…I won't leave her again. I'll stay with her…always. Watching, taking care of her from behind the scenes. It's all I have left now. I can't stay away from her anymore. I should have never stayed away in the first place. Now all I have left is to be near her…even if just in the shadows".

'_Oh Edward!'_ Esme thought, and I could see the broken look in her eyes. She knew now, as they all did, that I would not come back with them, to whatever destination followed them next. I would not leave Bella again.

"So it's decided then?" Alice asked after a minute of silence. She had an excited gleam in her eyes. "We all go back, together?"

They all looked at me.

I took a deep breath.

"We all go back, together" I offered.

"Yay!" Alice squealed. "This is going to be so much fun! Jasper, can I join in the fun with the dogs too? Please?" she begged.

"Now, now, we will go with open minds Alice" Carlisle chastised. "We will evaluate the situation, and then decide what action is necessary". Just like a surgeon, informed and methodical. But I knew I would never risk Bella's safety again. I would do whatever it took to make Bella safe, regardless of what the others thought.

"So what's our cover story?" Rosalie asked, bringing us back to the necessary details of our plan. "We've already been to Forks. They all know us.

"Well, I've basically got everything wrapped up here, and in the hospital. We'd been planning to relocate in the next couple of weeks anyway. We can leave in the next couple of days. Esme darling, it's a good thing you refused to give up the house in Forks, we have somewhere familiar to arrive to". Esme gave him a warm smile.

"The rest of you have finished the university here, once again". Carlisle paused for a moment. I could see he was thinking and planning.

"Hmm. A sabbatical. Yes, that's what we'll call it. We'll tell the folks in Forks that I've taken a sabbatical from the hospital. The rest of you have graduated college and are taking the summer off before you move on to careers and such. We've missed Forks, the beauty of the mountains and the peacefulness of the town, and we've decided to spend our summer there. Yes, that'll work fine." Carlisle mused to himself.

Alice jumped up and down, squealing and clapping her hands in excitement. Her mood had definitely improved in the last few minutes.

I got up and headed for the door, leaving the rest to their planning. I needed some fresh air. The details of our ruse didn't really interest me too much; the truth of what all this meant had just started to sink in.

I was going back to Forks.

I was going to see Bella.

And again, being a vampire, I was able to feel two very conflicting emotions at once. As concerned as I was for Bella's safety, I could not help the surge of excitement, of joy, that coursed through my veins at the knowledge that in a couple of days, I would see Bella again. I had no idea how she'd react to me. That she no longer loved me, I was sure. And the pain of that knowledge would've been enough to knock a human man to the floor in agony. But I could not afford to let that pain control me. I _had_ to be strong. For her. I _had_ to protect her. I _had_ to protect her from the one she loved _now_.

The irony of the situation did not escape me. I'd left her to make her safe, because she was in love with something dangerous. Me. And here we were now, over four years later, and the situation was once again repeating itself. Except this time that something dangerous did not have the control to make himself stay away. So it would be up to me to ensure that he did.

I reached the edge of the woods, far enough away to be alone with my thoughts.

"Bella, my love, I've missed you so so much" I whispered out in the open.

I closed my eyes and recalled Alice's memory of Bella smiling at her, and I pretended the smile was meant for me. The thought warmed me like a soft glowing flame.

"I love you Bella, I'll always love you" I whispered into the air, a broken sob in my throat. In a couple of days, I'd have to hide that love again, pretend I'd moved on, as she had, and focus solely on making sure she was safe again. I could never let her know how much I loved her, how much I still needed her. How close to the brink of insanity our separation had brought me. She deserved to be free of my love.

She'd given her heart to someone else, and in doing so, she'd finally gotten past me. I was happy for her, that she could move on. She _should_ move on. But the pain tearing across my chest was excruciating.

I would go to her, and then I'd never leave her again. But she would never know that. I would have to share her world in secret, relegated to the monster that I was, hiding in the shadows, around the corners, never to be seen again. I comforted myself with the knowledge that at least I would be near her again, even if it did mean having to see her love another, give her heart to another, marry another, share a family with another. Bella deserved to be happy, to be safe.

I'd remained quiet in the house as Carlisle insisted we would 'evaluate the situation'.

But I'd already made up my mind.

The situation _was_ dangerous, whether Carlisle, in his infinite desire to be humane, realized it or not. I knew as much about werewolves as he did, having been privy to _all_ his knowledge. They were dangerous. They had little self control. And in a moment of anger, were capable of striking out at anyone, even those closest to them. Especially those closest to them. I shuddered at the thought.

Bella was in danger. One of these days, she would upset him. She would upset him enough to cause him to lose control, and then… I shuddered again.

If nothing else, one thing was definite.

Jacob Black's days were numbered.

**OK. There you go. Hope you liked it. Please, please please, reviews? Anyone? Let me know if this is how you thought Edward would react, or if you expected something else. I LOVE to hear from you!**

**And finally, finally, Edward and Bella WILL meet again next chapter. I know, it only took 10 chapters right? (wink!). That doesn't mean the happily ever after is anywhere near. There's still lots of torture in store for them in the next few chapters. But it's all for their own good, I promise.**

**Thanks and don't forget, please please review! Tell me if you guessed what movie I saw on the cruise!**


	9. Chapter 10 Reunion

**A/N: Okay, here's what most of us have been waiting for. The Reunion. Only took us 10 chapters to get here. Yeah, sorry, but there were a few things I needed to get out before these two saw eachother again. From here on in, most of the story will revolve around Edward and Bella. They are together in Forks now, although that doesn't necessarily mean all will be peachy. Still plenty of angst left. Plenty of trouble…**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**______________________________________________________________________________________**

_Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven. ~Tryon Edwards_

_Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire. ~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld, translated from French_

_You look in my eyes and I get emotional inside._

_I know it's crazy but you still can touch my heart._

_And after all this time you'd think that I,_

_I wouldn't feel the same._

_But time melts into nothing,_

_Nothing's changed. - Brenda K. Starr, I Still Believe_

**Chapter 10 – Reunion**

**Bella**

I was dreaming about him again. In and of itself, nothing new; I dreamt of him almost every night. My subconscious allowing itself its nightly guilty pleasure, without my permission and against my better judgment. But I couldn't control my dreams any more than a parent could control a rebellious teenager, and so I did what the teenager's parent would probably do when confronted by the rebel. Allow the transgression and hope for the best outcome.

The best usually came in the form of what I labeled, _the good Edward dreams_ – those that took place in our past. Dreams about what once was; he and I back in high school, sitting in the cafeteria with the rest of our friends, laughing and joking as we'd stare into each other's eyes, trying to process the world around us but in reality oblivious to everything other than what the other did or said. At least, that's how it was for me. Or in the meadow, the sun shining down on his pale form as we sat cross-legged across from each other, the sparkle from his skin reminding me how lucky I truly was, for he was very much the precious diamond to me. Or, in the best of my _'good Edward dreams'_, we were back in my room, at night, as I lay in his arms on my tiny bed. In these dreams, Edward would softly hum me to sleep with my lullaby. His velvety voice acting as my own personal Dream Catcher, chasing away all bad dreams as I drifted off to sleep, dreaming only of him. These dreams were the only times in the past few years when I would allow myself to remember that lullaby. They were the only time when I could hear it anyway. I wouldn't allow myself to ever think of it while awake, and seeing as he'd taken my birthday CD with him when he left -the one that he'd given me with the lullaby and other songs he'd composed- I had no way to ever hear it even if I'd wanted to. It only came to me in dreams now.

Since I no longer had anything to keep the bad dreams away, along with _'the good Edward dreams_' I also had '_the bad Edward dreams'_. The ones that took place in the woods, not far from the bed where I lay sleeping. To a third party, the scenes in my dreams wouldn't appear particularly gruesome or terrifying. Nothing to cause such a strong reaction. I would be running in the woods, searching. Always searching for something. In my dreams, I wasn't sure _what_ I was searching for, I just knew that no matter how fast or how far I ran, I could never find it. _It_, whatever it was, was always beyond my reach. _It_ did not want to be found. So I would continue running and searching. Falling on wet leaves. Stumbling on broken branches and scraping my hands on the jagged rocks as I fell. But nevertheless, I'd continue. I never stopped running until I'd wake up out of breath, panting as if I'd really been running for miles and miles. In a cold sweat, trembling and drenched in my own perspiration and tears, my long thick hair matted wildly to my face. Once awake, I knew exactly what I'd been searching for in my dreams. I'd been looking for Edward. I'd been trying to find Edward. But Edward did not want to be found. It took me hours to recover from one of these dreams, as I'd toss and turn trying desperately not to recall what I'd just dreamed, pushing it even deeper into my subconscious mind. This, of course never worked. Because even as I did that, I knew how my mind worked. Whatever I pushed into my subconscious would come back full force in my dreams. So I'd fall back asleep, trying not to think, but betrayed by my subconscious. It was an endless and painful cycle.

But tonight's dream was different from all the rest. It was neither a dream of our past, nor a nightmare about searching.

In this dream, I was in my bookstore. Not the way it looked now; dirty, empty, just a hollow room in desperate need of a makeover. The way I would - if I had that much imagination and talent – like for it to look once ready. Painted in calming earthy tones, sectioned out properly, with everything just where it should be. But as beautiful as my store looked, as much as I would've liked to stop and concentrate on that part of my dream and get more details, to focus on the setup and get some ideas that I could actually use once I woke up, it all took a back seat to the man leaning up against the wall by the front entrance. He had one foot up against the wall, and the other down on the floor. His arms were crossed against his chest as he glanced up at me as I approached him, and his mouth formed a crooked smile, while his golden eyes gleamed with something akin to pride.

"You did it" he mouthed, his velvet voice full of emotion, as I stood in front of him. "You moved on, and now you've graduated, and now this" he said, uncrossing his arms and motioning to the little store around him.

"But I don't have you. I don't want any of this without you" I said, my voice small and sad.

Edward reached his arm out and took my hand, pulling me closer to him. With his other hand he reached up and stroked my face softly, as my eyes fluttered closed from the tenderness of his touch.

"You _have_ me. You'll _always_ have me, and I'll _never_ leave again" he whispered.

I quickly opened my eyes and looked at him, trying to believe what he was saying to me. "Promise me. Promise me that this time you'll stay" I begged.

He let go of my hand and put both of his hands on either side of my face, staring deep into my eyes, willing me to believe.

"I promise" he said, his voice full of conviction. His eyes burned into mine. "I can't _ever_ leave you now, no matter what" he said.

And I believed him. I believed him because he looked at me the way he used to look at me before. Before the day of my 18th birthday, when he started to realize that being with me was too much work. Before he realized I wasn't worth it. Before his gaze became one of empty boredom, rather than one of unending devotion. He was back, and I believed him.

As he held me there, my face between his hands, his face just inches from mine, he started to move closer to me, and I braced myself for the feeling of electricity as his lips would finally touch mine again, after so long. For an instant, I was insanely happy. But just before his lips touched mine, my brows furrowed and Edward noticed. He stopped, millimeters from my lips.

"What is it?" he asked, his own eyebrows scrunched up now, worry in his tone.

"I…I don't know" I answered honestly, thoroughly confused. As happy as I was, something in the back of my mind told me that something was not right about this. I was forgetting something. I was forgetting _someone_. And just as that thought came to me, the scene suddenly shifted.

Edward and I were still together, our faces still just millimeters apart. But we were no longer in the bookstore. We were now in the woods. Not in the woods where my nightmares usually took place. Those behind my house and beyond. These woods – although just as familiar to me as those behind my house – were where another part of my life took place; we were in La Push.

And suddenly I remembered. Jacob. _My_ Jacob. Just as he was mine, I was his now. And I could not be here with Edward. I _should_ not be here with him. As suddenly as I remembered that fact, I also remembered something else. Something infinitely more important. Edward could not be _here_. He was a vampire. This was La Push.

The treaty. He was past the treaty line.

I tried to pull away from him, to explain to him where we were, but Edward held on to me tightly, narrowing his eyes and searching the woods. He grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him, crouching in front of me defensively.

"No Edward! You have to go! You can't be here! You have to leave me here and go!" I begged, trying in vain to pull him away, to drag him as far away from La Push as I could get him before he -before _they_- found him.

"I won't leave you!" he growled, meeting my terror stricken eyes for a second. "I will _never_ leave you!" he repeated, before turning his eyes back to the woods. Searching. Waiting.

"You don't understand!" I cried. "It's too late for us! I'm his now! It's too late!"

Edward turned and faced me then, and the look on his face sent a spasm of pain through my heart. His features were twisted in unimaginable agony, the torment reflected in his eyes made me gasp in horror. But before I could say anything, his features quickly changed, and a look of pure determination took over his face, as his eyes bore deep into mine, burning me with the truth of his words.

"You _are_ mine! You will _always_ be mine! It can _never_ be too late!" he snarled through his teeth.

I stared up into his golden, yet wild eyes, and a thrill shot up my spine. But before I could determine whether it was caused by his words or by the situation we were in, I heard the low growls approaching us. Edward's lips pulled back into a sneer, as he quickly turned to block me from view. I heard the hiss that escaped his lips, and my eyes quickly turned to the direction he was glaring at. And as I saw the varying shades of fur approaching us, I knew. It already was too late.

I woke up screaming. A scream so loud and agonizing that it brought Charlie to my room. Over the years, Charlie had gotten used to my vivid dreams, and for the most part ignored my nightly outbursts. But tonight's scream was louder than usual, more guttural than usual.

"Bells, hon, are you okay?" Charlie asked concerned. "You almost gave me a heart attack!" he said, lowering his gun.

"Dad…I'm…sorry. I'm fine. It was just…a bad dream" I panted, trying desperately to regulate my breathing, hugging my arms to my frame. Charlie looked at me, probably wondering whether to stay by the door or come closer to comfort me, and picking the latter.

"You haven't had one like that in a while".

"I'll be fine dad. Thanks…for coming" I said, dismissal in my tone. I was grateful to Charlie, but I wasn't comfortable with the questioning looks he was giving me, knowing who he'd blame for my nightmare, and not being able to deny it. I just wanted to be alone now. I wanted to get back to sleep as soon as possible. I didn't want to think of this dream at all. There were too many painful details in it. It contained the deepest and most personal feelings in my heart. Both its greatest wishes, and its greatest fears.

I forced myself to think of other things. I would not think of this dream. I would not examine it or dissect it looking for hidden meanings. This one would be forced, somehow, to the deepest recesses of my mind, never to be thought of again. My delicate sanity could not afford to dwell on this nightmare. I'd already put it through enough in the past few years.

I lay in bed awake for a while, trying to distract myself by listening to my breathing and heart regulate themselves, and by thinking of my classes in the morning. I would not allow myself to think of anything else. Everything else had somehow been tainted by the dream, and carried the danger of dragging me back to it if I allowed myself to think about it. I thought of how many papers I still had to write before graduation next month, and all the requirements for graduation I still had to complete. And as I groaned thinking of all the work I still had ahead of me, sleep finally overtook me, until I woke up to the cloudy Forks morning.

Awake in the morning, I recalled I'd had a nightmare, and had I allowed myself to think about it, I could have probably recalled every detail. But as in the dark in my room, I would not allow myself to think about it. So I went on with my day, attending my morning classes. I briefly allowed myself the notion that the dream was probably caused by my conversation with Jake the night before. A conversation which had not gone well at all.

After being back in Forks for 2 days, I'd finally confessed to Jake about the whole Alice incident in New York. I hadn't mentioned her at all when I got back from New York that night and Jake had picked me up from the airport. Nor had I said anything to him when I saw him again the next day, Monday. But by Tuesday morning, everything in New York had felt like more of a dream, and I'd convinced myself that I was making this whole Alice thing into a bigger deal than it really was. So I'd decided to bring it up casually to Jake when I went to visit him after classes that afternoon.

Jake had, as usual, been tinkering around under a car, while we made small talk in his garage. It was a comfortable scene, only made slightly less so in the past week or so, since his semi-proposal, as I called it – to myself – now. But even that discomfort had mostly subsided, as Jacob seemed to have accepted that he would have to wait until after graduation and the bookstore was up and running to bring that conversation up again. So we sat comfortably in the garage, me doing some studying on the desk in the corner and Jake fixing some car, the silence broken occasionally by one of us. Comfortable.

Until I decided this would be the perfect time to bring up my run-in with Alice.

"Oh hey Jake, by the way. Guess who I bumped into in New York last weekend?" I said. As soon as the sentence was out, I wished I could take it back. It was an irrational thought, I said to myself. Jake probably wouldn't even raise his head from under the hood of the car he was working on at the news.

"Dunno. Who?" Jake asked distractedly, not paying much attention. That had been one of the reasons I'd wanted to bring it up while we were in the garage. I knew he'd be distracted.

I took a deep breath as I thought to myself 'here goes nothing'.

"Um…Alice" I almost whispered, my voice cracking on her name. I hoped I didn't sound as nervous as I felt. Or if I did, that Jake would be so distracted he wouldn't catch it.

"Who the hell is Alice?" he questioned, still distracted. "Hey, pass me that wrench there willya?" he asked, not even looking up.

I got up and picked the wrench up from the floor, and slowly walked over to give it to him, speaking in a low voice as I walked.

"Um, you remember Alice Cullen? I think you may have seen her once or twice" I said, gulping as I handed him the wrench.

Silence.

Jacob had been holding his hand out from under the hood of the car, waiting for the wrench. He closed his hand around the tool when I handed it to him. But he did not move his hand back under the hood. It remained up in the air. Frozen.

I slowly walked back over to the desk, silently cursing myself for bringing this up. _Stupid, stupid me!_ But the cat was out of the bag now, so I sat back down and waited for Jake to react.

And waited.

After what was probably a minute but felt more like hours, Jake picked himself up from under the hood, and slowly looked at me. His naturally dark eyes were darker than usual. His expression was murderous.

"Alice. Cullen?" he asked, through clenched teeth, spitting out the last name. "As in, the bloodsucking Cullen leeches?"

I involuntarily cringed at the question, but tried to remain calm as I answered.

"No. As in Alice Cullen, my friend from high school" I answered, in what I hoped was an even tone.

"You mean, as in that parasite Edward Cullen's so-called sister!" he snarled, a look of total fury on his face.

I resisted the urge to defend Edward, and tried to appear indifferent to his comment, as if what he'd just said hadn't hurt me, deeply. Instead I focused on trying to steer this conversation away from a fight.

"Jake, Alice was my friend in high school, regardless of who she was related to" I tried to explain in a soothing voice.

Jake exhaled loudly, coming out from behind the hood of the car and leaning on it's door instead. The car gave slightly, pushed back by all six feet, seven inches of Jake. I took a really good look at him. Jake was huge, and very muscular. His dark skin was very smooth, and seemed to glow in the light. Not in the ethereal way Edward's would in sunlight, but in a more human way, as if he'd just come from the beach and gotten a beautiful glowing tan. His eyes, naturally black, as was his hair, usually sparkled too, some joke always behind them.

But his eyes were not sparkling now. They were burning, and I could've sworn I saw actual flames flickering behind them. He angrily ran his hand over his face, exasperated. And I could see a slight tremor faintly rocking his body. I stayed put in my seat.

"Bella" he hissed out angrily. "Bella, what the hell is this? What exactly do you expect me to say right now? She's a freakin' vamp! And she's _his_ sister!" he yelled down at me. "What am I supposed to say? 'Oh cool! You ran into your ex's sister? Great! How was the girl talk?'

I didn't respond. I wasn't enjoying his sarcasm.

"So did she fill you in on what he's been up to for the past few years?"

"Jake, it wasn't like that" I tried to explain patiently. "We just went-"

"Wait a minute. Hold on" Jake interrupted me, putting his hand out as if to stop me. A new kind of terror temporarily replaced the anger in his voice. "Was _he_ there?" he asked, horrified. "Did you see him too?" he croaked out, his brown face turning a dark shade of burgundy.

"No Jake, he wasn't there" I answered quietly, meeting his eyes for the first time, wondering what he'd see in them.

The look of horror quickly left his face, only to be replaced by the fury once again. But he spoke calmly now, mockingly so. His nostrils flared, betraying the calm façade "Oh I'm sorry for that then. I'm sure that must've been a great disappointment to you" he said, in a tauntingly proper voice.

"Jacob stop!" I demanded. "You're not being fair! I'm trying to tell you I ran into an old friend of mine and you're turning this into something about Edward!" my voice rising in disbelief at the turn this conversation had taken.

"This is more than just about you running into an old friend Bella, and you know it, so don't play dumb! She's not just an old friend. She's my mortal enemy! Not just because of what she is or who she's related to, but because of what they did to you!"

"Jake, you can't say that! Alice is my friend. She is not your mortal enemy! And they didn't do anything to me! They were my friends!" I yelled back. And as I said the words, a memory from just a few days before came back to me. It was a little blurry, the result of the three Pina Coladas I had under my belt that night, but the words were still clear.

"_How can you compare a rabid dog to Edward?"_

Alice's words. She'd taken the news about Jacob about as well as Jake was taking the news about her.

"Hmph! Some freakin' friends!" Jake continued. "Lemme tell you, with friends like that you don't need enemies. And she _is_ my mortal enemy" Jacob spoke through gritted teeth. "As well as her entire family! So if you plan on staying in touch with her, or anyone else in that family, keep them the hell away from me, and from La Push. Otherwise, I'm warning you, I won't be held responsible" he said, and turned away from me, back towards the car he was fixing.

My heart dropped to my feet at the finality of Jake's statement.

"What do you mean, you won't be held responsible?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him now.

"I mean" he spoke clearly and slowly, enunciating every single word, "I won't be held responsible for tearing them up limb from limb, and burning their stinking bodies!" he snapped.

I gasped at his words, at the violence and hatred in them. True, I hadn't expected him to do a little happy dance at my news of having seen Alice, but I didn't expect this level of ire.

"Why?" I screeched out, my voice pitifully frail. Any semblance of cool, calm and collected totally out the window now. "Why does it have to be that way? Alice is my friend. Why do you have to hate her so much?"

Jacob stuck his head out around the hood of the car and glared at me. I could see his body still continued its slight tremble. "The question is, Bella" he asked, curiosity in his voice "why don't you hate them so much? After what they did to you? After what _he_ did to you Bella? Did you forget that already? Did you forget how broken he left you, _they_ left you?" He continued to alternate between 'he' and 'they', obviously blaming all the Cullens, and not just Edward, for everything that had happened. "Did you forget how Sam found you that day in the woods?" His voice broke and he closed his eyes, frustrated. And as I looked at him, I could tell he was remembering the day too, through Sam's memories. We both flinched.

"Damn it Bella! It hurts me to remember, and I wasn't even there, or the one who caused it! Have you forgotten that crazy red-headed bitch already, and her other friend?" he continued. "Whose fault was all that? Huh? Who brought those crazies down on you? And then when the going got tough, the parasites got going! 'See ya, suckers!'" he snickered, bringing his right hand up to his forehead and straightening it out in a mock dismissal. "Were any of them there for you Bella? Huh? Was that little psychic bi-" he paused, closing his eyes and exhaling, "witch there for you?"

"They didn't know" I answered quietly, looking down at my shoes.

"What?" he asked, even though he'd heard me. "What d'ya mean 'they didn't know'? How couldn't they know? Doesn't your little psychic homey see everything?"

"She didn't see any of what happened with Laurent and Victoria" I told him, still looking down. "I don't know why, but she says she hasn't been able to see me for a long time now".

"Oh please, gimme me a break! And you bought that crap? Come on Bella! Babe" he started, condescendingly. "I know how trusting and everything you are, but even you gotta see that's just a loada crap! Why wouldn't she be able to see you?"

"I don't know Jake!" I answered, upset that now, on top of everything else, he was being condescending. "I don't know why, but I believe her! Why would she lie? If she'd seen anything, she would've tried to help! I know she would've!"

Jake exhaled once more, and came out from around the car again. "Ugh! Fine Bells, what do you want from me?" he asked me again, exasperated. "You saw your little pychic friend in New York. Fine! Good for you! I hope you two had a blast! What more do you want me to say? You want me to say I'm happy? I'm sorry, but I can't. You want me to say I believe any of the bulcrap she seems to have fed you over the weekend? I'm sorry but I don't. You want me to tell you I'm happy my girlfriend's bff with a bloodsucking leech? Sorry, no can do". He stopped. Both of us were silent for a while. Neither one wanting to say anything to fuel the fire any more.

"Just tell me one thing. Seriously. Do you plan on seeing her again?"

"Why do you want to know? So you can make plans to tear her up and burn her?" I asked him, tears in my eyes now, the anger at knowing how strongly he hated my friend still burning. I didn't tell him that even though I'd never seen Alice in action, I got the feeling that she, along with the rest of the Cullens, wouldn't be as easy to beat as Laurent and Victoria had been. I didn't think he'd be too happy with that statement.

He chuckled humorlessly. "No. Look, I'll be honest with you, I don't know what I'll do if I ever lay eyes on them again. I can't promise you that I won't…lose it Bells. Just let me know if that's something I need to be prepared for" he asked, his voice lower now, but still deadly serious, very out of character for _my_ Jake.

He walked over to where I sat now and slowly knelt in front of me, taking both my hands in his huge ones. He was so tall, that even kneeling he was at eye level with me. I sucked in a sharp breath. "Ugh, Jake this was all so unnecessary! I doubt I'll ever even speak to Alice Cullen again, much less see her. We spent a day together in the city last weekend, did some shopping and talking, and that was it" I tried to downplay what had really happened that weekend. He'd taken our encounter bad enough. I didn't know what he'd do if I even got started on half of what we'd discussed that night.

"I'm sorry Bells. I really am. I'm sorry I almost lost it like that". His quivers had subsided. "But you gotta try'n see my point of view. You come home telling me you spent the weekend with a leech! What am I supposed to say? I mean, I'm a werewolf! She's a vampire! We _are_ natural enemies." he stated, as if he were trying to explain the obviousness of the equation to a dim wit.

"No, Jake. It doesn't have to be that way!" I argued. "She's not your enemy. You've got to stop thinking that way!"

"But Bells babe, she is. Sorry but that's just the truth. I'd be lying to you if I said otherwise. She's a parasite" I rolled my eyes at him. "Sorry. A vampire. And I'm a werewolf Bella. My kind was created to destroy her kind. That's just how it is. I can't change that.

"But do you have to be 'Jacob Black: werewolf' all the time?" I said, making quotes in the air. "Can't you just be plain old Jacob Black and let Alice be just plain old Alice Cullen?"

Jacob drew in a deep breath and looked me in the eyes, "Bells, hon, but you're ignoring one thing. A very big thing". He paused. "Even if I put aside the fact that I'm a werewolf and she's a vampire, she'd still be my enemy.

"Why?" I pleaded.

"She's a Cullen".

And that was it. Plain and simple. Alice was a Cullen and in Jacob's eyes, that was enough to make her his enemy. He blamed her, as well as the rest of the Cullens for everything I'd gone through in the past few years. But the hatred went even deeper than that. Because it didn't just stop at what I'd gone through, but at everything he and the rest of his pack had had to go through to protect me for the past few years. Vampire or not, werewolf or not, the bad feelings there ran deep. And all the pleading in the world tonight would not make Jake see that the Cullens were not to blame.

We'd left it at that, at Jake's suggestion that we just drop the subject. I saw no point in pursuing it since the truth was, I probably wouldn't ever see Alice, or any of the other Cullens, ever again. Why fight with Jake over it? Jake and I were having enough issues at the moment without adding another piece of coal, and an unnecessary one at that, to the fire. So Jake went back to his car, and I went back to my books. The silence that followed was uncomfortable for a while, but after a few minutes Jake started whistling to himself and I knew that at least, if not forgotten, the issue had been relegated to not important enough to dwell on. I'd reassured him that I wouldn't be seeing Alice again, and, even though it didn't exactly make me happy, it seemed to have been enough to put Jake's mind at ease.

So I'd gone home that night, had my nightmare, and was here in my car now the next morning, driving back to Forks from Port Angeles. Wednesdays I only had classes in the morning, so the afternoons were usually spent at work, at Newton's Outfitters. The past few weeks however, I'd slowly been reducing my hours at Newton's, easing my way out of that part-time college job, both to get ready for finals, and to work on reconstructing my store, which was right next door to Newton's.

I was going to spend this afternoon at the bookstore. I finally had some time to really get down to work there, and clear out all the junk the previous owners had left behind, start cleaning it up, painting and getting it ready for next weekend. After much begging, Jake and my Dad had promised to come by and help me with the construction parts of my job; putting up bookshelves, sanding the floors, carpeting, etc. I knew they were both busy with there own jobs, but I really needed the help. Whatever they couldn't do, I'd hire out for, but my meager savings couldn't afford too much right now.

Part of that free work would also include help from my friend Gabby, from school. She'd volunteered to come by today and spend the afternoon with me helping the cleanup job. Gabby was an easygoing person, and conversation with her flowed easily. I was actually looking forward to an afternoon of easy conversation with a girl friend after the scene with Jake the night before.

I parked my car at the outer corner of the strip mall that housed both Newton's and my as-yet-to-be-named bookstore. The day was rather typical for Forks; cool, cloudy, misty. But as I put the hood up on my raincoat and stepped out of the car, I couldn't help but look up at the sky and give a slight smile, as I thought of the irony of my life. When I'd first come to Forks five years ago, I was ready to run screaming. I'd hated it. I missed the sunshine. I missed the warmth. That had all changed, of course, once I met Edward. But then, even after he'd left, I'd refused to leave Forks. Sure, at first I'd stayed waiting for him. But even now, all these years later, I realized how much I'd come to love the dark, the gloom, the clouds. They comforted me. They relaxed me. They were like my own personal stress therapy. As I looked up at the dark sky, all stress from the night before-

my fight with Jake, my nightmare -left me. And I inhaled and exhaled slowly, breathing in the clean Washington air. Grateful once again, despite everything that had happened, that my mom had fallen in love and decided she wanted to follow her man around. It was the best thing that had ever happened to me, well, the second best thing.

In that mindset, I walked into Newton's. It was just past noon, and Mrs. Newton sat behind the register, talking animatedly on the phone. The little bell chime had rung as I walked in, but Mrs. Newton didn't bother to turn around to see who'd walked in. She was apparently in the middle of a very engrossing conversation. I'd just stopped by to say hi, and to personally thank the Newton's for their generosity in paying me for last weekend even though I hadn't worked; an early graduation gift from them. I knew from Mrs. Newton that Mike would be graduating next month too, but he'd gone away to California for college. The Newton's would be flying out there in the next couple of weeks to help him prepare and to be there for his graduation, and I wanted to make sure I thanked them before they left.

I assumed Mrs. Newton was on the phone with Mike, since she seemed so engrossed, so I waited in front of the register for her to turn around so I could tell her to say hi to him from me. I could hear her as she spoke excitedly on the phone, and I felt a small pang of embarrassment at being able to hear her side of the conversation, even though I wasn't trying to.

"Unbelievable" she said into the phone, shaking her head from side to side. "I still can't believe they're back! Yeah, I know!" She paused, letting the person on the other line speak. "Yeah! At the Stop and Shop! She said he was on sabbatical, and they'd-" She stopped again, interrupted midsentence by the person on the other side. "I don't know, I guess at their old house, you know it never went on the market." Another pause. "Yes! She looks as gorgeous as ever, you'd think not a day has passed since-" Pause. "Oh my God can you imagine! He was always so hot to begin-" At this she turned around and her eyes popped open wide as she finally saw me standing there, waiting for her.

"Umm…Hey, let me call you back, I've got someone here, okay?" she stammered into the phone, looking slightly nervous for some reason. She hung up and turned her full attention to me.

"Bella, sweety. What are you doing in here so early? I didn't think you were working today?" she asked, nervously playing with the necklace around her neck. She looked like someone who'd just gotten caught planning a secret rendezvous, or something illicit like that.

"Uh…Hi Mrs. Newton. Sorry to interrupt" I started, but she cut me off.

"Oh no, that was nothing! You weren't interrupting. No! What can I do for you?" she asked me, with a little more concern in her voice than necessary when a perfectly healthy young woman walks into your store.

"Uh, well, I just wanted to say thank you for the generous graduation gift. I mean, it was really nice of you to pay me for last weekend even though…I…didn't…Mrs. Newton? Is everything okay" I asked her, when I noticed her staring at me with a look of utter concern, as if she'd just learned that I had two weeks to live or something.

"Yeah, sure. Everything's fine Bella. I was just…"

"Just?" I prompted, after she'd gone silent for about 10 seconds.

"Oh, it's nothing. Sorry Bella. Never mind. Go ahead, you were saying?"

"I was just saying thank you" I continued, my eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. What was wrong with Mrs. Newton? "Thanks for the graduation gift. It'll definitely come in handy next door" I said, pointing to the wall between her store and mine with my thumb.

"Oh, you're welcome dear!" she said, her voice and attitude a bit more back to their normal self. "You've been a great help for years, as well as a good friend to our Mikey! You deserve that and so much more". At that last part she stopped and stared at me, that look of sadness back in her eyes. I decided this was too weird for me, and it was time to get next door.

"Um, well, okay. Thanks again! I think I'll be heading next door now. I've got a lot of cleaning up to do" I started heading for the door, opening it and raising my hood, even though I wasn't going to step out into the rain.

"Bella wait!" Mrs. Newton called. I turned around to face her, still holding the door open. She still wore her worried look.

"I just wanted to ask you…I mean…you _have_ heard…" she paused, not knowing how to continue.

"Mrs. Newton, is everything okay?" I asked her, worrying about my father now. Did she know something about Charlie that I didn't know? Had she heard something about his health? My heart started racing.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" I asked her, praying it was just some mundane gossip between her and Mrs. Stanley. I tried to recall when was the last time Charlie had had a physical.

"You _have_ heard, haven't you?" she started. I looked at her confused. What should I have heard?

"Heard what, exactly?"

"About…about the Cullens".

My heart, which had just been racing, about to pop out of my chest, now stopped. It stopped and dropped straight to my feet. All the blood drained from my face. I held tight to the open door, in case I had to run out of it at top speed. The Cullens? What should I have heard about the Cullens?

"What about the Cullens, Mrs. Newton?" I asked, afraid to hear her answer. I had no idea what it was, but I knew enough to brace myself.

At her continued silence, I asked her again.

"Mrs. Newton, what about the Cullens"? I demanded.

"Well, I would've thought you would've heard by now" she said again. And at the obvious blank look on my face, she finally spilled her information.

"The Cullens. They're back. They're back in Forks".

I don't know how long I stood there. It could've been seconds, it could've been minutes, it could've been hours, it could've been days. I was dazed. All function in my brain froze in that instant, leaving me unable to completely process the words that were just spoken. The disorientation left me feeling like someone had just dropped one of those big "ACME" labeled weights on me, like in the cartoons; all that was missing were the little birdies chirping around my head in a circle. I gripped the door tightly, afraid to lose my balance if I let go. I squinted at Mrs. Newton, realizing I was experiencing tunnel vision, as everything around her had turned black and hazy. I could barely form the single word ringing in my head.

"What?" I managed to squeak out. My voice sounded so very far away to me.

"The Cullens are back in Forks dear" she repeated slowly, eyeing me worriedly. Her hand was still clutching nervously at her necklace. After a few seconds, seemingly satisfied I wasn't going to pass out at her front door, she continued. "They got in last night, apparently. I bumped into Esme, that is, Mrs. Cullen, at the Stop & Shop this morning. She said she and her family are planning on spending the summer here. They've missed the fresh mountain air, she says. Anyway, the kids just graduated too, and Doctor Cullen decided to go on sabattical, give himself and the kids are short break before they all go on to their careers and such, so they came back…" she trailed off, biting the inside of her lip, probably concerned at the way I was swaying by the door, gripping it for dear life. I'm sure she wasn't looking forward to having to explain to her customers why there was a girl passed out at the front of her store.

My mind kept trying to understand what she was saying, but I couldn't get past the first sentence. _The Cullens are back in Forks'_. Everything else was just minor details. University graduations, hospital sabbaticals. My mind vaguely registered these for the cover-ups, the facades I knew the Cullens employed. These details didn't matter anyway. All that mattered was that first sentence.

_The Cullens are back in Forks._

Mrs. Newton was now staring at me, open panic on her face. Yes. She definitely regretted opening her mouth. My heart was now beating faster than a horse at the Kentucky Derby. I was breathing heavily, not caring what she thought of me now. There was one very important detail that I did have to find out. Mrs. Newton had said '_the kids'_. Esme and Doctor Cullen and _the kids_. And I had to force myself to ask the question, regardless of what I appeared like to Mrs. Newton now. Because I needed to know which kids, specifically, had returned.

My head snapped up as I met Mrs. Newton's distressed gaze again. "Wait. Mrs. Newton" I asked her slowly, putting my other hand out towards her, palm side up, a gesture to show her that I needed her to back the heck up. I needed to make sure she understood what I was asking her without having to spell it out for her. I didn't think I'd be able to ask the question directly without having a complete and total breakdown right here and now, and I was sure that was something we both wanted to avoid at all costs. I shouldn't have to spell it out, I thought to myself.

"Do you know if…do you know…ugh" I closed my eyes, frustrated. We both knew what I really wanted to know. I took a deep breath and tried again. "Do you know if E-"

"I don't know if he's back too Bella" she answered in a whispered apology, mercifully stopping me before I had to speak his name out loud. Something I avoided doing, at least while awake, at all costs. "Esme just said the kids. I don't really know if she meant all of them" she apologized. She sounded ashamed, as if she hadn't completed her information gathering mission properly. I stared at her, wide-eyed, and slowly nodded my head, excusing her for her lack of accurate information. You would think someone with that much experience at gossiping could at least get it right.

Without another word, I turned to the door I'd been gripping on to for dear life, and started to walk out listlessly. My legs moved of their own accord. I had neither the strength nor the clarity of mind to command them where to go. But I knew I had to be alone. I had to think.

"Bella, wait!" Mrs. Newton called, uneasily. "Are you okay?" My dazed expression had her anxious, but I was in no position to try to allay her fears; I had my own to deal with. I distractedly waved an arm at her as the door closed behind me, mumbling an unconvincing "I'm fine" as the glass door closed quietly shut.

I stumbled my way the few feet necessary to make it to the front of my own store entrance, and unconsciously pulled out my keys to unlock the door. Making my way blindly inside, I staggered slowly to the back room, where I knew I could find the total darkness I craved right now. There were no windows in this back area to let in any daylight, and I purposely left all the lights off. I leaned up against the dim wall and slid myself all the way down until I was sitting, my legs up against my chest. I hugged my legs tightly against myself and then there, alone in this empty store, alone with no witnesses or pitying eyes, I let myself go. The sob that broke out of me racked my body to the bones. I cried for the years without them. I cried for all the times I'd needed them and hadn't known where to find them. I cried for this weekend with Alice, when I'd thought I'd seen my friend for the very last time. I cried for Jacob, and the realization that I had unknowingly lied to him last night.

And then I cried for _him_. Because I didn't know where _he_ was. Whether he was 5 or 5,000 miles away from me. And I cried because either way, it didn't matter. He didn't want me. He hadn't wanted me for almost five years now. And I cried because it so did still matter to me. My sobs were long and hard, and I was grateful that I'd been able to hold off until I was by myself. Mrs. Newton would've definitely called my father.

Then a new horror struck me. Charlie. Did he know yet? Forks was a very small town. News and gossip spread like wildfire across the homes, schools and businesses in this area. There were very few secrets in Forks. And as I thought of that, my horror grew exponentially.

Because it didn't take long for Forks gossip to carry over to the little reservation in La Push.

I groaned loudly and I put my head down on my raised legs as my words to Jacob just last night came back to haunt me. _'Jake this was all so unnecessary. I doubt I'll ever even speak to Alice Cullen again, much less see her'._ Those words had been the only thing that had seemed to appease him and wiped the look of murderous rage off his face. _'Oh Crap!'_ I thought to myself. How was I going to tell him that not one, but at least three or four Cullens were going to be wandering around the town of Forks for the next few months? And one of them could possibly be…

No! I couldn't even let my mind stray over there! My breakdown was starting to subside, and I had to look at things calmly now, and think rationally. _Think Bella! Think!_ I commanded myself. _What do you know for sure?_ I asked myself. The only thing I knew for sure was that Esme, Carlisle and _the kids_ were back. The question was, which kids? All, or just some? And if just some, _which ones_? Alice, I was sure, would be part of the group. She'd warned me she'd see me soon, but I'd dismissed it. Equal parts not wanting to get my hopes up, and equal parts knowing the trouble that would cause if it were true. The old 'adage' came back to me: Never bet against Alice.

"Ugh! Alice!" I gritted through my teeth. I continued to go through my mental list.

Alice meant Jasper. Jasper went everywhere Alice went. So that gave me Alice and Jasper. Okay. Next. Rosalie. Rosalie didn't necessarily dislike Forks, but I wasn't sure if she'd be willing to return. But if she did, that would mean Emmett too.

So what did I know so far? Definitely Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper, and maybe Rosalie and Emmett.

And then I had to stop.

I had to stop because the thought of the next one made me start to hyperventilate, and I had to put my head down again, press it tightly into my legs before I threw up. I forced myself to breathe in and out slowly, and I felt more like a woman going into labor than like the stuck-in-the-backroom-22-year-old that I was. I couldn't do this! I couldn't even think of the possibility that _he_ was back without having a total episode. It was just too much! How would I face him, if he was back? Would I be able to look at him, knowing how little I meant to him now? Would I be able to treat him like just another once acquaintance? Give him a quick wave hello if our paths happened to cross in the street somewhere? Act like I'd been able to distract myself as well as he surely had for the past few years? Act like I hadn't thought about him once, instead of practically every night of my life, for the past few years? I wasn't sure I could.

But then the other option was just as bad, and I grimaced from the ache in my heart at the thought. What if Edward were not one of the prodigal Cullens? How could I bare that? Knowing that he was so thoroughly and happily distracted in whatever, or whoever, he was involved with, that he had not the slightest inkling, or desire to return to Forks? Not even for a summer jaunt, or to 'just see how that chick Bella' that he'd been involved with for a while was doing? I clutched my hand to my chest, cringing as I realized that this was probably, in all likelihood, the most probable scenario. Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper; check. Rosalie and Emmet, maybe. Edward. Heck No.

But in this rollercoaster of emotions and panic that I was feeling, a nagging concern, one that I kept relegating to the back of my mind but that really should have been at the forefront, now returned full force.

Jacob.

Jacob and the rest of the pack.

Jacob had said it last night. A night which, stupid me, little did I realize, seemed to have foreshadowed this afternoon's events.

'_We are natural enemies'_ he'd said, referring to himself and the Cullens. Pure and simple. He was a werewolf, they were vampires. And werewolves were created to destroy vampires.

Oh Crap.

I had to get up. I had to do something with myself. I couldn't sit here and think about this anymore, or else the little bit of sanity I'd been able to salvage for the past few years would definitely be lost. There was too much to think of right now, and I just didn't have the energy any more. I'd been emotionally drained by this afternoon's revelations, and I had to recover before I could figure out the situation in front of me rationally or calmly.

I quickly got up from the floor and wiped my eyes off with the sides of my fingers, shaking my head from side to side in an effort to clear all thoughts related to vampires or werewolves from it. I forced myself to remember that there had been a purpose for me coming here today, other than to get the shock of my life, and then I remembered that I was supposed to be cleaning up. I was supposed to be cleaning up and Gabby was supposed to have been here already. I pulled my cell phone out of my jean pocket and realized that in my haze I'd missed two calls. My messages showed me that the first call had been from Charlie. It was very unlike him to call me during the day, much less leave a message, and as I listened to it, I knew he knew. He tried to sound calm as his message assured me that, although, there was no emergency, could I please call him back at the station as soon as I got a chance? But I could hear the panic in his voice, and I thought to myself that there was no way in hell I was returning that phone call. He'd have to wait until I got home tonight.

The next message was from Gabby. She was going to be late. She'd gotten stuck over at the Port Angeles campus finishing up some last minute project, and would probably be here late in the afternoon. I hung up the phone, actually grateful that she'd be late. I didn't really feel like company right now. I needed to be alone.

_Okay,_ I thought to myself. _Stay busy. Don't give yourself a chance to think_. I pulled out a hair pony from my bag and put my long hair up, ready to get to work. I'd pick up where I left off last time I was here. I walked back over to the counter, in the front of the store, where I'd left all my cleaning supplies, and got to work, scrubbing down the floors, the walls, cleaning off the register until it sparkled like new. I was determined to clean and disinfect every last surface in here, until it was clean enough to eat off of, even if I was going to end up remodeling the whole thing in the next few weeks. I just had to stay busy for now.

Once I was done in the front of the store, I stood there for a few minutes, debating whether I should start removing shelving here or whether to move to the back of the store, where I still needed to clean. It was still really dirty and dusty back there. Deciding it was better to have the whole store clean first and then start removing shelves and such, I made my way to the back room, slightly pleased with myself that I'd been cleaning for a couple of hours now without having another breakdown. I'd completely thrown myself into my work, and redirected my thinking to thoughts only involving the bookstore whenever I felt my mind try to wander somewhere else. I was not ready to face anything else yet.

I started my cleaning in the back room, switching on all the lights this time, so that I could see what I was doing. Even with all the lights on, it was still quite dim back here, and I realized that I was going to have to install more lights to make up for the lack of windows back here. Apparently, the previous owners had not minded a dark stock room, but it was a little too shady back here for my taste.

I worked for the next hour or so, dusting and sweeping, scrubbing and scraping. And even though I was thoroughly filthy by now, my hair knotted in a wild and messy bun, my jeans stained with dirt and grime, and my face and hands now matching the brown tone of my hair, I felt better. I let myself take a deep breath as I stood up to shake my arms and legs out, and even though I probably sucked in thousands of dirt mites in doing so, my breath came out evenly now. My shoulders, which had felt knotted up and tight from the stress of just a few hours ago, now eased down slowly, relieving some of the tension around my neck. Yes. Cleaning had definitely been a good idea. I'd deal with everything else later.

When I was finished scrubbing the floors and dusting the lower shelves in the back room, I decided to go back to the front and see if I could start unscrewing some of the shelving I wouldn't need from the walls there, while I waited for Gabby. I wanted to stay busy, knowing that if I took a break to wait for her, my mind would force me to face the things I was trying to avoid. I started walking to the front to get started on the shelves when I happened to look up and realized, with some chagrin, that the higher shelves back here had not been dusted off yet. I'd been so busy with everything at my eye level that I hadn't bothered to look up, and I'd missed the high stock shelves back here. Groaning with slight irritation, I grabbed my cleaning liquids up once again and stared up at the shelves. I was going to need a ladder, and a tall one at that, to get up there. I thought I remembered seeing one leaning against the corner in the front of the back room, and when I glanced over, it was standing just where I thought it would be. I went to grab it and carried it over to the very back of the room, deciding to start there and work my way to the front. I pushed the ladder up against the shelves and then, with a little trepidation, and reminding myself that keeping busy was a _good_ thing, I carefully climbed to the top of the ladder, my cleaning supplies under one arm, using the other arm to pull myself up.

As I started scrubbing the very top shelf, having gotten on my tiptoes to reach, I heard the front door chime, announcing someone's entrance. Gabby had finally arrived. A few hours late, but that was actually a good thing. I'd needed the extra time to myself to get composed after what had happened early this afternoon.

"I'm back here Gabby!" I called out, as I fought with a stubborn stain on the top shelf that refused to come out. "Grab some rags off the counter there and let's finish up back here!" I yelled down to her, starting to lose my patience with the stain and scrubbing wildly at it now, taking out all my earlier frustrations on it. I momentarily forgot where I was, pretty high up for me - someone who really had no business in the first place being on a ladder at all – as I fought with the blasted superdirt, recklessly swinging my arm back and forth on the shelf, not being anywhere near as careful as someone with my reputation for accidents should have been. As I turned to look for Gabby, anticipating her entrance into the backroom, still scrubbing away at the stain, the ladder swayed slightly. I quickly tried to turn my full body back to the shelving, but in my panic, I exaggerated my movements, causing the ladder to sway even more, until it was teeter tottering back and forth from side to side. I tried to reach my hand out to the shelving, in an effort to steady myself and the ladder, but I was already falling backwards, and my hand barely grasped the shelf before I realized I was going to fall, and the ladder was going to fall on top of me.

I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer. _'Dear Lord, if the ladder's going to fall on top of me, at least let it have the decency to knock me unconscious'_. I didn't want to have to deal with the pain from the broken bones I was sure to suffer from this fall. And in some part of my mind I registered that that would probably be the best case scenario. But in the half second it took me to think these things and brace for impact, something else happened.

I hit.

I hit _hard._

But my mind calculated that this was a very _different_ kind of hard. It was smooth. It was marble.

It was cold.

I hadn't landed on the hard wood floor, as I'd braced myself for. I'd landed on…arms.

Strong, powerful, graceful arms. Arms that were muscular, yet yielding all at once. The strongest arms I'd ever been in.

It _couldn't_ be.

I slowly opened my eyes, straining against the dimly lit room, willing myself to see what I was sure I would see.

It _was_.

EDWARD.

Edward. Edward. Edward.

_He_ was staring right at me, right into my eyes. A look of relief, confusion, and of course, a small smirk on his face.

_Edward._

I closed my eyes again, realizing now what had been happening all along.

I was still dreaming.

Everything so far today had been a dream. I'd never woken up! The scenes in my dream had merely continued shifting. They'd started with Edward and I in this store, to Edward and I in the woods in La Push, to me at the campus this morning, to Mrs. Newton and I in her store, to _now_ me here again, and Edward here with me, again.

This was all just a dream.

I squeezed my eyes even tighter, trying to figure out how to finally wake up from this dream, because this had definitely been a long and confusing one. But then I heard his voice. That soft, musical, velvety voice that sounded so good, so clear, so much more enchanting than it had _ever_ sounded in any of my previous dreams, and my eyes flew open once again.

"Bella?" he sang. It was a question. Not as if he wasn't sure it was me, but as if he wasn't sure what I was doing. I continued to stare at him, because I wasn't sure now how long this dream would last, but I'd decided, to hell with my fragile sanity. That face was all I wanted to see when this dream finally ended.

Edward looked…_beautiful._ It was the only word I could think of to describe him. He looked more beautiful than I ever remembered seeing him in any of my other dreams. His hair was just as tousled as ever, as if the wind itself had appointed itself his personal stylist. And the color, the bronze color was shinier than ever. _Lustrous_, I thought to myself. Yes. Those TV shampoo commercial actors had nothing on his luster. He was as pale as ever, but his face had a more defined intensity than I remembered ever seeing in my other dreams. He seemed more…tangible, more touchable. But it was his eyes, his beautiful golden eyes that hypnotized me.

He looked confused, as if he wasn't sure what to make of me, but his eyes were dancing.  
They were dancing with what seemed like some sort of quiet excitement, with an undefined emotion that he seemed to be trying to contain. There was a deep sparkle in them. One I hadn't seen in his eyes since days before my 18th birthday, and I wondered again at the magnitude of detail in this dream. His eyes radiated pools of fire, and so I knew I had to be dreaming. Because the real Edward had no reason to look at me with such heat anymore.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked, wrinkling his eyebrows, worry now tainting his voice. I realized with intense happiness that I was still in his arms. I could feel all the strength in his constraint. And I could feel his breath on my face, as he cradled me close to him. Instinctively, I inhaled deeply, reveling in the lavender and honey scent of his breath…and I realized in that moment, that no. I didn't _ever_ want to wake up. As far as my dream Edward's went, this one was by far the best one. Ever.

When I still hadn't answered him, he took one arm out from under me and slowly, gently cradled my head, rubbing it lightly. The motion made my eyes flutter closed from the thrilling sensation, and I sighed contentedly, in pure bliss.

"Bella, answer me please" he begged, his voice getting more frantic. "Did you hurt your head on my arms?" he asked worriedly, as he continued to gently caress my head, looking for some sign of injury.

'_I'd better answer him before he disappears'_ I thought to myself, not wanting the dream to end because I was too awestruck to answer my dream Edward. Even though he should've known better than to ask such a dumb question. As if he could ever hurt me. Physically, at least.

"Uh…no…I'm…fine" I said, "Just…a little dazed, I guess" I answered truthfully.

Edward exhaled in relief, and the worry crease on his forehead diminished slightly. But he still didn't let me go, and that was just fine by me. He continued to stare at me, and I stared back unabashedly. What harm would it do? It was just a dream, after all. One very different from any other dream I'd ever had of him, and it would end sooner or later. I might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Then in that moment, very suddenly, God must've decided to just go for broke and grant me everything I desired in this dream, this fantasy. Because Edward flashed me a gloriously crooked smile.

"Hi" he said, very simply. Just like that. His crooked smile still in place. I lightly chuckled at the delightful simplicity of it. It was just one small word, but from his mouth, a small piece of heaven. A classic composition of its own. And because I was still too shocked by the clarity of his beauty in this dream to form any cohesive sentence, I responded the same, although mine wasn't anywhere near as resplendent as his.

"Hi" I smiled up at him, my voice coming out in a whisper, and his crooked smile grew noticeably wider, as if I'd just told him he'd won the Powerball. And since I knew this was a dream, I decided to take full advantage of it. Slowly, very slowly, so as not to anger the dream gods and make this go away, I raised my hand up to his face, and carefully cupped his cheek in my hand. The sparks that tore through my hand in that moment made me shudder slightly, and I could've sworn I felt Edward shudder too. My heart started beating wildly, erratically. _Everything_ was so much more magnified in this dream than it ever had been in any others. Edward closed his eyes at my touch, and I caressed his cheek soothingly with my thumb, as he had just done to my head. I was so grateful that my dream Edward was so much more responsive to my touch than my real Edward had been in those last days of our relationship.

Edward slowly opened his eyes again, gazing down into mine curiously. He tilted his head slightly, his brows furrowed in question. "Bella, please tell me what you're thinking right now" he whispered anxiously, never loosening his hold on me. Never breaking our eye contact.

I continued caressing his cheek with my thumb. My eyes wandered to his ruby red lips as he spoke. Earlier in my dream, the first time we were in this store together, Edward had been about to kiss me when the scene had shifted. I wondered now if we'd be able to pick up at that spot again, without having the scene shift again.

"I'm waiting" I finally responded, whispering, just as he was. I knew he'd be able to hear me no matter how low I spoke.

Edward moved his head closer to mine, slowly. As if he were also afraid that rapid movements would cause this dream to end. His eyes traveled all over my face, taking in my eyes, my cheeks, my lips, and they stopped there. At my lips.

"What exactly are you waiting for?" he asked in a low, husky voice, as he moved his head infinitesimally closer to mine. So close that I could feel his breath on my cheeks, and I once again inhaled greedily, and took in the wonderful scent of him.

I froze.

My planned response to his question, the one that had popped to mind the second after he'd asked, was of course, "for your kiss". But just as I was about to speak those words out loud, in the hopes that his lips would reach mine before the dream faded away, I realized something.

This was not a dream.

Edward smelled wonderful. Better than I could even remember him smelling. The scent of lavender and honey was so overwhelming that it invaded my soul. I could smell him so clearly that I could practically taste the honey on my tongue; I could feel the delicate lavender blooms caressing my arms.

In my dreams, I could not smell. Ever. Not even Edward.

I felt all the blood rush to my cheeks. And my hand, the one that had been tenderly stroking Edward's cheek, came to a still.

This was _really_ Edward.

Edward was _really_ here.

I'd been ready to indulge in all my wildest fantasies. I'd almost begged him for a _kiss_. A kiss from a man who no longer wanted me, who'd made that point _very_ clear to me over four years ago. Who had probably just dropped in for a pleasant hello with an old acquaintance.

And who was now staring at me in total bewilderment, probably dumbfounded by my unexplainable reaction, and wondering when I'd finally pick myself up out of his arms.

I was making a total and complete fool of myself.

I had to do something now to salvage the situation, before I chased away this Edward –who apparently was willing to at least be on friendly terms with me. I quickly pulled my hand away from his face, wondering why Edward appeared disconcerted by my withdrawal. And instead of responding to Edward's last question the way I'd initially wanted to, I took a deep breath and resigned myself to end my fantasy here and now, before he realized what I'd been thinking and ran out of here in a blinding flash.

"I'm waiting for you to…put me down" I answered quietly, breaking my eye contact with him so that he couldn't see the total humiliation in them. I looked down at my hands, trying to hide the beat red color on my face.

I felt Edward stiffen around me, his arms and hands growing harder and more marble-like under me, and I realized that my close proximity must have been making him uncomfortable. If I could smell him, he could definitely smell me, and my scent had always been a problem for him. Here I'd been indulging in my crazy fantasies, and Edward was probably suffering. He quickly but gently started to put me down, and I wriggled out of his arms quickly. I glanced up at him as I landed on my feet, and for an instant, I thought I saw an unexplained look of pain cross his face, but it was quickly replaced by a tight smile. Then the look of pain, as well as every other emotion I'd convinced myself I'd seen in his face since I landed in his arms, was gone. In its place was the well-composed mask I'd seen on him years ago, that day in the woods. No emotion. No tenderness. No love. My dream Edward was gone, and in his place I'd been given the real Edward, the one who'd stopped loving me years ago.

I stood in front of Edward now, begging my racing heart to slow down, positive that he could hear it and needing to lessen the embarrassing effects of this encounter. I could feel my cheeks were still red, but he wasn't looking at me anymore, opting to roll his eyes all around the room we were standing in. I hoped it would give me enough time to compose myself before he looked back at me. I stood there awkwardly, with my hands now clasped in front of me, while I nervously twisted and untwisted my fingers around each other. I abruptly realized how horrible I must look, with dirt and grime streaming down my face, my hair a tangled mess, and my jeans filthy and dusty. I inwardly groaned. I was no fashion maven, but I was pretty sure this wasn't an acceptable look for your first re-encounter with a guy who dumped you. It didn't exactly scream 'Edward Cullen, eat your heart out'. I mentally chided myself as I reminded myself that I had no reason to try to impress Edward anyway. He wasn't interested. He wasn't even looking at me right now. On the other hand, I, like the fool that I was, could not stop ogling him. He looked absolutely heavenly standing there. His posture was as confident as always. He had one hand stuffed into his pants pocket, as he leaned all his weight onto one leg. There was an eerie silence for a while, during which time my discomfort grew exponentially, and then we both started talking at the same time.

"Thank you -" I started.

"I'm sorry -" he said at the same time.

He looked at me again, giving me another crooked smile, although this one didn't seem to reach his eyes the way I'd thought I saw the previous one do. "I'm sorry. Please, go first" he said, giving a slight tilt of his head and motioning with his hand that I should proceed. Still a perfect gentleman.

"Um…no…I…just wanted to say thank you" I stammered nervously, mentally berating myself for not being able to have said even one fully coherent sentence to him since he'd walked in. "Thanks for…you know…that" I continued, motioning with my thumb to the ladder that lay thrown at the other side of the room. I didn't even recall hearing it hit the floor.

"It was my pleasure" he offered, in his strong yet velvety voice. "It always has been" he continued, smiling, and his tone, although light and teasing, sounded like a confession. I looked at his eyes again and noted that, although no longer the burning pools I'd thought I imagined before, they now held some sort of sparkle, an inner agitation. I realized that in my blind belief that this all had been a dream, I'd probably imagined the deep sentiments held in them before. The realization cut me to the quick, but I reminded myself that I already knew all this. I knew he no longer loved me. It shouldn't hurt as much as it did when he'd first left. And it didn't hurt as much. Not as much.

Apparently though, he held enough regard for me to stop by and say hello, and I was thankful for that. I was not going to ruin it by making him think I was still the weak teenager he'd left behind. Still completely obsessed with him. So I decided I needed to put up a mask too, even if mine was a fake, like one of those cheap plastic faces kids wore to scare each other on Halloween. I tried to compose myself as well as possible, considering I probably looked like I was wearing a Halloween costume right now. I straightened my shoulders, and gave him a warm, yet not overly friendly smile of my own.

"So what were you going to say" I questioned him now, feigning slight indifference.

He quirked his eyebrows at me, probably inwardly laughing at my miserable attempt to try to look composed, considering my less than stellar appearance. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry…if I made you uncomfortable just now, by not putting you down right away or something" he muttered, looking away.

"Oh. No, don't worry about it" I said, trying to sound reassuring yet dismissive of the whole incident. As if it had been no big deal. No big deal indeed. "I'm sorry it took me so long to…react. I was a bit dazed…from the fall that is" I added.

Silence again.

"So what are you doing here" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. I was hoping my voice sounded friendly, yet not overly interested in his return. Not like it had been my one and only thought since Mrs. Newton next door had given me the 411. "I mean, I heard you were back in Forks…you and your family-".

"We're here for the summer. My family and I" he interrupted. "Carlisle and Esme have always loved Forks, and the rest of us, well, a change is always good. Alice, of course, has already filled you in on where we've been" – and at that he gave me a knowing smirk – "and well, we all thought it would be pleasant to return to the West Coast for a while, to get some fresh Pacific air" he finished.

It was basically what I'd heard from Mrs. Newton just a few hours ago. And of course, it made sense. I'd just been thinking how great the fresh Washington air was myself earlier today. How soothing it was. But for some reason, I couldn't help thinking how rehearsed his speech sounded. As if he'd picked every word beforehand carefully, so as that no hidden meaning could be confused. _Of course_, I thought to myself. He probably just wanted to make sure he explained the situation to me clearly, just in case I mistakenly thought his return had anything to do with me. _Don't worry Edward_, I thought to myself. _I know better than to think that_. I was once again, like before, so glad that Edward couldn't read my mind. I would hate to think how fast he'd run out of here if he knew how much I had to control myself right now to keep from disintegrating and throwing myself at him.

I smiled at him pleasantly. "That sounds great!" I answered, my pleasant-yet-not-too-eager smile plastered to my face. "I'm sure you guys'll have a great summer".

"Yes, well, I'm hoping" he said, raising his eyes to meet mine. And there was definitely a hopeful look on his face. He grinned at me warmly now, and ran his fingers through his wild hair, a gesture I recalled he used to do when he was nervous. As I watched him trail his long fingers through his bronze halo, I had to physically fight the urge to walk over to him and run my fingers through his mane. _Stay put! Stay put! Stay put!,_ I mentally chanted to myself, making it hard for me to concentrate on his next words.

"So tell me about this place" he mused, rocking back and forth on his feet, and looking around again. "I hear you've taken it upon yourself to bring culture and enlightenment to Forks" he teased playfully. "And I hear you're about to graduate Magna Cum Laude" he continued, grinning widely now and raising one eyebrow at me. My heart skipped a beat, and I got a slight feeling of déjà vu at his words. Because although it wasn't exactly what he'd said during that dream so many hours ago, I thought I detected the same note of pride in his voice that I'd heard then. I felt my face flush again, both in response to the look he'd just given me, and the tone of his voice.

"Yes, well" I responded shyly "There really isn't much to do here in this part of Washington" I tried to joke "so I might as well keep those grades up. And this" I continued, raising my hand in mock exasperation "this isn't really much to be proud of right now" I chuckled.

"Oh but it will be" he said, still grinning but sounding very serious. "It will have charm. It will have beauty. And it will have character. It'll be the best bookstore this side of the Olympic Mountains. _You_ will make it wonderful. _You_ will make it a success" he finished, leaving me speechless by the intensity in his voice, and by the seemingly heartfelt vote of confidence.

"I knew you could do it" he said, his voice huskier now, but still thick with conviction. "I always knew you were meant for…more".

"I've done my best" I whispered, looking down at my feet. "I've tried to make everyone proud -" I swallowed audibly "and happy" I finished meekly.

Edward was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't have the nerve to look up at him to see his expression. But then out of the corner of my eye I saw him walk closer to me, slowly. I kept my eyes on the floor, not wanting to chance a look at him and show him what a weak person I still was, still hanging on to the past. He stopped right in front of me, and I saw him pick one hand up slowly, and then hesitate in mid-air. After a second, he continued, and then I felt his hand on my chin, as his cold touch sent a shiver through me. Then again, the shiver could have been caused by his simple contact.

Gently, he used his hand on my chin to raise my head up to meet his eyes. And the mask was gone. His eyes were expressive again. So many emotions were there, but they were so hard for me to read. I would have to search, really search deep into his eyes, to see them. And I couldn't let myself search into them deep enough to decipher them, or I'd risk losing myself in his eyes. And in so doing, I would let down my guard, and he'd know me for the weak girl that I still was.

The only emotion clearly written in his eyes, the only one I didn't have to dig too deep to read, was pride. The overwhelming look of pride he gave me caught me off guard, and I gasped in surprise, my eyes growing wide. The intensity of the emotion left me breathless, and I realized that even if he no longer loved me, he at least felt some emotion for me, some friendship, to feel proud of me.

"Bella" he whispered softly. My name sounded like a song off of his lips. "Everyone, _everyone_ is unbelievably, unimaginably proud of you, and of the woman you've become" I blushed harder. "You've _always _been able to make everyone happy. The question is" he asked "have _you_ been happy?" His eyes burned into mine, the intensity of the question reflecting off his gaze. He kept his hand under my chin and then slowly, hesitantly, I felt his thumb gently caress my chin. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open, and repress the shiver that threatened to overcome me.

I stared into his eyes, dazzled beyond words. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. But somehow, somewhere, I knew I had to break away from his spell. Because he was asking the question in the way a friend asks another how they've been for the past few years. But that wasn't how I wanted to answer it. I wanted to break down right there in his arms and tell him what I'd told him in my dream earlier. That none of it, not school, not my life here in Forks, not this stupid store, _none_ of it, meant anything to me. It was all just filler. It was all just a way to fill the whole that had been left in my life and my heart over four years ago. None of it meant anything to me. _Had_ I been happy? _'I suppose I have'_, I could answer him. I suppose I'd been happy. But seeing him here now, I was reminded what real happiness was, and I realized real happiness had been out of reach for the past few years, because it was standing right in front of me now. But it was still unobtainable.

I couldn't say any of this to him. Of course not. He would run. And I didn't want him to run from me again. Because he wanted to be my friend. And I'd take that if it was all I could get.

So I looked him in the eyes. "Of course" I answered dismissively, and then managed to somehow turn away from his deep golden eyes and quickly walk away. I heard him sigh quietly behind me, and wondered how convincing I had actually been. I pretended to wipe my dirty hands off on my dirtier jeans, and tried to act casual as I continued walking to the front of the store. I wanted to show him I was capable of friendship. That I wouldn't cross the line that he'd put between us all those years ago.

"So, what brings you in here?" I asked nonchalantly, as I walked, and I could hear his quiet footsteps behind me, following me.

"I…I wanted to stop by and say hi to you. I hope you don't mind". He sounded apologetic.

"Of course not!" I answered a little too quickly, turning around to face him again and hoping that it hadn't come out as desperate as it sounded to me. "I mean, why would I mind?" I tried to amend. "It's great to see you". And then, not wanting him to think I meant it in anything other than a friendly way, I added "Just like it was great to run into Alice last weekend. She and I had a great time". I inwardly groaned. If I said the word great one more time, I was going to kick myself.

Then I wondered how much of our encounter Alice had actually shared with Edward. Did he know everything I'd told her? About Laurent? About Victoria? About Jake? About the semi-proposal? Did he know how awkwardly she and I had left things?

As if he could read my mind, which I knew he still couldn't, otherwise he would've run out of here a long time ago, he said "Yes, I know. Alice filled me in on some of your weekend (I wondered what exactly "some" meant) and" he frowned, as if disturbed by whatever he was remembering. And not for the first time that week, I cursed Alice to the deepest recesses of hell. "I wanted to talk to you about some things-" he continued.

Whatever it was that my dear _friend_ Alice had shared with him, I didn't want to discuss. Definitely not now, if ever. My mind was still reeling from the bombardment of emotions I'd experienced since waking today, and whatever it was that Alice had told Edward regarding our conversation was going to be impossible for me to discuss today. Basically everything Alice and I had discussed that night in the restaurant would be totally uncomfortable to discuss with Edward. And it would also bring up some issues I was trying my best to not even think of at the moment. I knew I'd have to deal with all of it later, but I couldn't deal with it right now. I had to cut him off quickly and change the subject.

"So who else is here in Forks?" I asked him, turning to walk behind the register, and praying that my attempt to change the subject wasn't so obvious. "Did everyone come up?" I followed up quickly, not giving him a chance to respond, or to interrupt me with any of his questions. I turned my back to him, pretending to look for something behind the counter.

I heard him take a deep breath, and then he was silent for a few seconds. Edward had never been stupid. I'm sure he saw my subject change for what it was, a diversion. I was sure he was debating with himself whether to push whatever he wanted to talk about, or just drop it for now. Or forever, hopefully. Thankfully, he went with the latter.

"Well" he began again, "actually, you can expect to see us all. All the Cullens will be here to torture you for the next few months" he said mischievously, and then chuckled at the look of astonishment I shot at him from behind the counter.

"All…of you?" I asked amazed, pausing my looking-for-something-back-here act. I swallowed. "Even…Rosalie?"

Edward shook his head and smirked at my obvious continued apprehension of his other sister. "Yes, all of us" he answered. "And don't worry about Rosalie, Bella" he reassured me gently. "Believe me, she's not planning on giving you a hard time, or else she wouldn't be here" he said a bit more forcefully. "The past few years have…if not softened her…given her a different perspective on some things" and the thoughtful look on his face as he said that made my brows furrow in question. "Anyway" he said, clearing his throat, "I think you'll be surprised by her new attitude" he smirked again.

I looked at him thoughtfully. He had me confused. The last couple of things he'd said, like that the Cullens would be here to torture me for the next few months, and that Rosalie wasn't going to give me a hard time, well, it almost sounded like they were planning on spending some serious time with me during their summer here.

"Edward" I began, and a thrill shot up my spine as I heard myself saying his name out loud, and actually awake. "Edward" I said again, "do you think the rest of your family will want to see me, to say hi, I mean?" I asked hopefully.

He stared back at me for a second. "Of course" he said, and the tone of his voice made it seem as if that should've been extremely obvious. "Of course they do. Unless you'd rather they not-" he started.

"No!" I quickly interrupted him. His face fell, mistaking my no as an answer to his unfinished question. "I mean, don't be ridiculous!" I cleared up. "Of course I want to see them. I've missed them all a bunch!" I said truthfully. I didn't care if he knew how much I'd missed his family. He knew how much they'd meant to me before they left. That kind of affection didn't just fade away. At least it didn't for me.

Edward sighed in relief, and his features relaxed again. "Well, that's a good thing" he said. "Because they've all missed you too, and it was all I could do to keep Alice away this long. She's been dying to see you again since we got in" he laughed.

I started laughing too, because I could clearly picture little Alice huffing and puffing away, like a little girl on line to see Santa, being told she had to wait her turn. But then I thought of something else.

"Why would you have tried to keep Alice away Edward?" I asked quizzically.

"Like I said before, when you tried to distract me" he answered, pursing his lips "I wanted to talk to you about some things" he stopped and tilted his head slightly, and then he frowned, his eyes narrowed in irritation "but I guess the talk will have to wait after all" he said, clearly annoyed. "I think Alice has reached the limits of her negligible patience. Here she comes" he groaned.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I looked towards the glass door and saw a beautiful tiny vixen hopping up and down excitedly just outside the door. She grinned wildly at me, waving her hand back and forth in a dizzying flash. And I couldn't help but grin back at her goofily, waving my hand back and forth as fast as I could, and motioning to her to get her tiny butt in here. I came out from behind the counter, ready to be attacked.

When Alice walked in, I forgot that I was supposed to be mad at her for blabbering everything to Edward. I forgot that she was here despite what I'd told her about Jacob. My grin grew impossibly wider as I realized that _both_ Edward _and_ Alice were here with me, _really here_ with me now. In the flesh. And it wasn't a dream, or a nightmare. And although they'd come because they missed Forks, they wanted to spend time with me now. I couldn't care less what had happened in the past, they were here with me now.

But at the same time, some part deep inside of me, the part of my brain that refused to let me see all this through rose-tinted glasses, reared its head. And in the half-second that it took Alice to fling herself at me, I gasped. Not from the force of Alice throwing herself at me, but from the realization of how much I'd been trying to put off since Edward walked through the door. Because even though I'd been trying not to think of him, even though I hadn't mentioned his name once since Edward had walked in, he was there, in my mind.

Jacob.

_Jacob_ was my life now. Jacob loved me now. And I _did_ love him too. But I also loved the Cullens. And if they wanted me in their lives, even if just for a little bit, even if just for the summer, then I would take it. And I would make Jake understand. It didn't mean I loved him any less. But they were my friends. And I needed them. _All_ of them.

Besides, I tried to reason with myself as Alice crushed me in her arms, it was only for the summer, and then they'd be gone again. Surely Jacob could let me have my friends for one summer? I loved him enough to accept his friends. Surely he loved me enough to accept mine?

As I hugged Alice back, reveling in what was really more like sisterly love than just friendship, I chanced a look at Edward over Alice's shoulder. He was standing to the side of the door, leaning back on the wall, one foot up against it. Just like in my dream. He was staring back at me, with a look I couldn't understand. His eyes still seemed to be dancing with that contained excitement I'd first noticed when he caught my fall off the ladder. But there was something else there. Something I wanted so badly to try to decipher, but knew I couldn't. Because looking too deeply into his eyes would cost me. I would lose myself in there. And then I would lose everything.

And as I continued to stare at Edward, unable to turn away from his hypnotic gaze, I realized how much I was lying to myself.

Jake would not accept this. How could I even ask him to? How could I ask him to accept a friendship between me and Edward, when I couldn't even look at Edward without my heart racing? It was not like that for Edward, I was sure. But I couldn't lie to myself about how _I_ felt. I could've tried when he'd just been relegated to memories and dreams. But with him standing here just 3 feet from me, it was impossible to deny. Those feelings had not died with his absence, or even diminished. In fact, looking at him now, as he continued to stare at me, I knew that the past few years meant nothing. When he'd locked eyes with me, all the old feelings and emotions had reawakened. After all this time, I still felt the same. Time melted into nothing, and nothing had changed.

Somehow, after what seemed like hours, but was only a matter of seconds, I forced myself to look away from Edward, and buried my head into Alice's shoulder to hide the tears that were threatening to spill. _'Get a grip Bella!'_ I scolded myself, and then I strengthened my resolve. I would be Edward's friend, if he wanted my friendship. And I'd force myself to push any other feelings back, to bury them back to where they'd been safely kept for the past few years. I owed it to Jake. I owed it to him to not let myself feel these things. I _did_ love Jake. And that was the only love I'd allow myself to feel. It was my only reality. _Jake_ was my reality. He was the one who helped me survive when Edward left, and I needed him, as much as he needed me. Everything else was just fantasy, and I could not live in a fantasy world. All Edward wanted was my friendship now, which was fine, because that was all I could give. I belonged with Jacob now.

I'd explain it to Jake. I'd make him understand that Edward and I were just friends. And he'd understand; there was simply no other option. Because the thought of not being able to be Edward's friend, now that he was back, was…unbearable. I _had_ to make Jake understand.

As Alice started talking to me, I didn't even hear what she was saying. I hugged myself tighter to her and almost choked as I realized my more immediate problem. The one I'd been ignoring as I tried to figure out a way to make the next few months work. Jake's words from just yesterday rang in my ears.

"_I won't be held responsible for tearing them up limb from limb, and burning their stinking bodies"._

"_We are natural enemies…"_

I cringed into Alice, still oblivious to what she was saying. What was I going to do? Jacob's issues with the Cullens went far beyond plain dislike for my former boyfriend's family.

Jake and the Quileutes were werewolves. The Cullens were vampires.

Natural-born enemies.

How were they going to co-exist peacefully in this town, even if just for the summer? A shudder rocked my frame as I tried to figure out how to avoid the supernatural war that was about to be ignited in Forks.

**Reviews? Please? Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Was it what you expected, or did anyone out there seriously think they were going to get their happily-ever-after already?**

**Hope it was acceptable. Bella had a hard time believing Edward was really there, especially when he was looking at her with all this love. Then once she realized it really was him, she convinces herself she must've imagined the looks. Oh well. It won't be an easy road for these two. **

**The next chapter will give us some of Edward's reaction to the reunion, but will go on with the story. Lots of stuff happening now that these two are back in Forks together!**

**And I'd just like to justify Jake's reaction to Bella telling him about Alice. I know lots of people may not like how he feels about the Cullens, but you really do have to put yourself in his place. He loves this girl. He's taken care of her for the past few years. As far as he knows, the Cullens just up and left her, with no good reason. Look at everything she had to go through after they left. Of course he's going to be angry. Plus, he's Jake. He's not as forgiving or understanding as Bella is. Or as Edward is.**

**And thanks to those who answered my question before. Yes, Twilight was the movie I saw on the cruise! Lucky me, huh?**


	10. Chapter 11 SelfControl

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Real life gets in the way sometimes. Here we have Edward, his reaction at seeing Bella again after so long.**

**As always, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

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_All my instincts, they return. And the grand façade, so soon will burn. Without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside. In your eyes. The light the heat. In your eyes I am complete. In your eyes I see the doorway, to a thousand churches. In your eyes. The resolution of all my fruitless searches. Oh I see the light and the heat In your eyes. Oh I wanna be that complete In your eyes. I want to touch the light and heat I see in your eyes. – Peter Gabriel, In Your Eyes_

_Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -Ambrose Bierce, __The Devil's Dictionary__, 1911_

**Chapter 11 – Self-Control**

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was hypnotized, transfixed. Still unable to believe I was actually looking at her. At Bella. After so long. After so many endless days and nights telling myself that no matter what the cost to me, I could never go back to her. After a timeless existence in which I'd convinced myself that leaving her had been the right thing to do. The _only_ thing I could do, to ensure that she lived the safe, happy life she was meant for. And yet standing here, watching her smile as she was enveloped in my sister's arms, envious of the easy manner in which Alice was allowed to hold her, to touch her, to display her love and affection for her, I continued asking myself the same question I'd asked myself 54 times since she fell into my arms a short while ago.

How, in the name of all that's holy, had I left?

How had I managed to pull myself away from her? I remembered the day with perfect clarity. Of course I did. It was the moment that had defined me. The moment that had defined the empty shell I had become without her. And yet, standing before her now, feeling the warmth that radiated off her soft pink skin, smelling the sweetly intoxicating aroma of her blood, which called to my dead heart now, rather than to my thirst, I could not, for the life of me, recall how I had managed to walk away from her electric pull.

Where had that strength to leave her come from? I surely did not possess it now. As I continued to gaze at her, lost in those deep chocolate brown eyes as she looked up from Alice to give me a passing glance, I knew I could never make myself walk away again. I did not possess that strength anymore, and neither did I want to possess it.

I was coming to the painful realization that my departure from her life had been more stupidity than strength. A stupid belief that she would be safer with me far away from her. Too far away for my demons to be able to torment her. But those demons had found her after all, with or without me here. And without me here, she'd had to find another demon in my place to help protect her. The one who possessed her heart now, instead of me. _I_ had made that happen. Like every other demon that had ever plagued Bella's life, the fault could be laid at my feet. Only this time, I could not easily keep the demon away from her. She loved this demon, this _wolf._ She had told Alice as much. This time I was going to have to make her see just how dangerous this mongrel could be. And if that didn't work…well.

As always, I would do what I had to to keep Bella safe.

Bella continued to hold on to Alice, breaking our gaze and burying her head into Alice's shoulder. Instinctively, I raised my hand to my cheek, the one she'd softly caressed earlier, and which still felt warm from her burning touch. A shiver went down my spine as I recalled the moment in which she'd raised her small hand to my face, and I'd had to fight the urge to crush her to me then, as she lay safely in my arms. I had not, however, had enough strength to keep me from closing my eyes in bliss at her touch, and had I not known what an impossibility it was, I would've sworn I was dreaming. For in that moment, I was sure I'd seen the love in Bella's eyes that had been there before, even in the damned moment when I'd left her in the woods. I'd looked into those burning chocolate eyes and had seen the heat of passion I'd only been able to imagine as I lay lost in my room for these past few years. And in my blind haze, as I imagined that Bella still wanted me as she had then, I'd come so close taking her. To claiming her lips, her body, even her soul. All things that were no longer mine to claim. As Bella had frozen as she must've realized what I was about to do, I quickly snapped back to reality.

No. Bella no longer loved me. The look in her eyes, once I'd made myself see what was really there rather than what I'd wanted to see, was a look of terror. She did not want me. She just wanted to be put down. The blush that had risen to her face was caused by embarrassment at my unwanted closeness. The hitch in her heart rate caused by the excess adrenaline at her near fall.

So I'd quickly put her down, ashamed and embarrassed at the line I'd almost crossed. And as I realized how uncomfortable I was making Bella, I reminded myself that I was not here for myself. I was here for her. I could not afford to make her uncomfortable around me. I needed her trust, if nothing else, to make her understand. So I'd quickly wiped my face clean of all emotion, not wanting her to have to deal with a love-sick ex-boyfriend, and not wanting her to think that any of what I needed to say to her came out of jealousy rather than complete and total concern for her well being.

Was I jealous? Of course I was. Insanely so. But that was my problem to deal with, not hers. And it did not take priority over the fact that she had to be safe, above all else. And she could not be safe with the dog.

'_Glad to see you got to her in time'_ my sister thought to me, as she spared me a glance from her embrace with Bella. _'Jeez, talk about waiting 'til the last second. I certainly gave you an exact enough time of when the fall was going to take place!' _she mused. _'I would've had to kill you myself if you'd let her fall!'_

I smirked at her. As if I would've let Bella fall. The only reason I didn't come in sooner was because, like the advantageous monster that I was, I knew catching Bella in that fall would be my one and only chance, probably ever, to hold her again. And as deplorable an action as I knew it was, I could not stop myself from taking full advantage of it.

But damn it, I'd been sure when I looked in her eyes, when she'd told me she was waiting! I'd convinced myself that she was waiting for me! That she was waiting for my kiss! How stupid was I?

God, but she looked beautiful as she landed in my arms! Even with her hair wild in a messy bun, with dirt caked to her face and hands, she still looked like the most beautiful angel I'd ever laid eyes on! None of that could detract from the beauty I saw emanating under the grime, the beauty that she not only possessed physically, but the beauty I could still sense within her.

As if Alice were the one that could hear thoughts, she finally put Bella down, and taking a step back from her, still holding her hands, gave her an open grimace.

"What the hell happened to you?" Alice cried. "You look like you've been rolling down a mountain or something! Seriously Bella, is this the way you walk around town when I'm not around?" she questioned.

I gave Alice a low growl that only she could hear, as I saw Bella blush and grimace at her remarks. And very low, so that only Alice could hear, I whispered "Alice, leave her alone, or I swear, not even Jasper will be able to keep me from digging you into a shallow grave".

Alice quickly turned to me, glaring, and then returned her gaze to Bella.

"Hmph!" Alice exclaimed. "This look definitely won't do for when the rest of the family gets here. After I've been talking Rose's ears off about how great you look, she'll absolutely laugh in my face if she sees you like this"Alice scowled, making Bella blush even harder.

"I…I was cleaning and dusting" Bella stammered, as if she owed Alice any kind of explanation.

"Bella, please ignore Alice. You look absolutely glorious, as always" I confirmed quickly. Bella's blush grew even deeper.

'_Boy that's laying it on kind of thick there, don't you think Edward?'_ Alice's thoughts rang in my ears. _'Great. Pretty. Even beautiful, would've been less obvious. But glorious? Why don't you just throw yourself at her feet and confess your undying love while you're at it?'_ she teased. I gave her a glare that said my previous threat still stood, and she glared back at me, defiantly.

She turned back to Bella, with a smirk on her face. "Yes, well. Lucky for you, I always travel prepared". She started rummaging through her big pocketbook, obviously looking for her tools. "Okay! Here we go!" she said excitedly. "Handi-wipes, a brush, and some pale pink eyeshadow!" Everything we need for a-"

Bella groaned, and Alice chuckled, as they both finished her sentence together.

"A Bella makeover!"

"Alice" I warned "Bella looks fine the way she is. She does not need a makeover" I insisted, very close to delivering on my previous threat.

'_Whatever, Loverboy'_ Alice teased in her mind. It was a term she and the rest of my siblings used to harass me with all the time when I was with Bella. I hadn't heard it in years. It almost made me want to smile. Almost.

When Alice pouted, giving Bella her saddest puppy dog eyes, Bella groaned once again. I rolled my eyes. Bella was still obviously a pushover for my sister's ploys. But as much as I hated what Alice was doing now, that fact was something we'd be counting on later.

"Ugh, no. It's fine. She won't stop until she gets her way" Bella moaned. "Come on! Let's get this over with!" Bella huffed. She pulled angrily on Alice's arm, dragging her towards a door to the back of the room that I could only assume was the bathroom.

"Yey!" Alice exclaimed, knowing she was going to win even before it happened. "Edward, we'll be right out. Everyone else will be here in exactly 4.3 minutes. Tell them we'll be right out" she squealed, as Bella dragged her through the door.

I glared daggers at my sister, still annoyed that she'd made Bella feel bad about how she looked. Alice had mocked me, but I hadn't been exaggerating when I said Bella looked glorious. She did. I, unlike my vain sister, was able to see past the dirt, and I saw the beauty underneath. She looked older, more mature, but in a good way. A way that had defined her beauty more clearly over the years. Her eyes were the same chocolate pools, but her face had taken on a more defined shape, a more womanly and less childlike beauty. Her hair was longer, I could tell, even though it was up at the moment, and even with the messy bun, I could see how shiny and bouncy it was. Her lips seemed fuller, lips that any model would have killed for. And as much as I hated myself for it, I'd taken notice earlier, as Bella walked away from me, at the subtle changes in her figure. A slight widening of her hips, a slight narrowing of her waist, and…Ugh! I was a crass animal. But, Yes. The _rest_ of her definitely looked _glorious_.

As I stood there mentally chastising myself for being no better than Emmett underneath it all, I heard something vibrating. I looked up at the counter, where Bella had been standing a few minutes ago, and saw there was a cell phone there. I walked over, not sure if it was Bella's, or if my sister had left her phone on the counter. As I glanced down at the phone, still vibrating and lighting up as the caller's name was displayed on the screen, I froze. My lips pulled up in a sneer and a low oath escaped my lips. It was all I could do to keep myself from taking the phone and crushing it to pieces.

'Jake' – the caller ID said.

No surname. Apparently, it was not necessary; there was only one Jake. My hands trembled from the struggle to control myself and not answer the call.

I wanted to tell him _I _was here.

I wanted to let him know Bella was no longer alone, unprotected, and that I intended to be everywhere she was from now on, whether she knew it or not. Whether she wanted it or not. I wanted to let him know that if he valued his life, he would stay away from Bella. She deserved better than him, better than either of us; unnatural, inhuman creatures that could never give her a peaceful life. Bella deserved a human, a real human, not a half-dog or an undead immortal. She deserved someone who could give her all the things neither I, nor the mutt, could ever give her. I loved her enough to see that. The dog would have to be made to see it too, one way or another.

The phone continued to vibrate, goading me, antagonizing me with its irritating hum. I stared at it with pure rage, my vision turning red, my body mimicking the vibrations emanating from the damned thing. My hand, of its own accord, slowly reached out towards the phone, until I could feel it just under my fingers.

The vibrating stopped, just as the rest of my family decided to walk in. I pulled my hand away quickly. My mother was the first to notice my defensive stance, the rage in my eyes. Her eyes grew wide in silent question.

'_Edward, what's wrong? What is it?_' she begged silently. The worry was evident even in her mental voice, and I could see myself through her eyes; my eyes narrowed in rage, my hand out like a claw about to ravage my prey. I straightened myself out as Bella and Alice walked out of the bathroom.

Bella was now dressed in a clean pair of designer jeans and t-shirt. Her hair flowed gracefully down her shoulders, and her already beautiful lips gleamed with gloss. She drew in a sharp breath as she caught sight of the rest of the Cullens crowded by her entrance, just as Alice had predicted. Her lips had been turned down in a grimace, upset at Alice's forced makeover. As soon as she saw my family, her mouth turned up in the brightest smile I'd seen on her yet today, and her face radiated pure joy.

"Bella!" my mother was the first to speak. Bella quickly ran to her side, as my mother gave her a strong, yet gentle hug.

"I've missed you so" my mother whispered in Bella's ear. I knew Bella had become like another daughter to her in the few short months she'd known her.

'_Oh! She looks lovely!'_ my mother thought to herself.

"I missed you too Esme" Bella responded, her voice shaking.

Watching the two women's emotional embrace, I was taken back to a day that felt so long ago, but which in reality was just a drop in the bucket to an immortal vampire. I recalled sitting in my family's living room, anguished, my head in my hands. My family was gathered around me, anguished looks on their faces too, as Alice stared down at me in disbelief at what I'd just announced.

"You selfish ass!" she'd accused. "You're not only taking yourself out of her life, but us as well! We love her too!" But as vocal as Alice had been in her disapproval, my mother had just kept quiet. Out loud at least. She'd laid her head on my father's shoulder and sobbed quietly. I was taking her daughter away from her. She'd only known Bella for a few short months, but in her heart, she was already family.

Yes. I'd caused plenty of pain.

Back in the present, Esme released Bella, and Bella looked up at my father, standing next to Esme. He repeated the same routine with her, hugging her tightly, but of course, being careful of her fragile human bones.

I once again felt a pang of jealousy at the easy way in which the rest of my family members could not only express and show Bella how much they'd missed her, how much they loved her, but at the way she responded to them. It was obvious she was ecstatic to see them. She had tears glistening in her eyes as she looked up at them, and she held on to them as tightly as they held her. Then I reminded myself that I was to blame for all of this, and it was only just that I be denied such a response.

I imagined Bella's fall from earlier again. But in this version, Bella would've looked up at me with all the love she was showing my family, and she would've thrown her warm arms around my neck, waving her fingers into my hair, caressing her lips into the side of my face as she held on to me tightly. Slowly, our eyes would've met, and she would've seen in mine all the love and adoration I still had for her. She would've smiled up at me, forgiving me for being so blind, so arrogant, so sure that leaving her was in her best interest. Deliberately, her face would've inched closer to mine, until mercifully, our lips would've met. I would've pulled her sweet, soft bottom lip in between my own, as she did the same to my top lip. This kiss, the one I'd been dreaming of for over four years, would not have been as careful or gentle as our previous chaste kisses. It would have been a hungry kiss, filled with a lifetime's worth of longing and desire. Both of us would pull at each other's lips greedily, as Bella's hands pulled at my hair, and my hands tangles in hers. And I knew I would have finally given in, parting my lips, allowing her entry that had been previously denied. Because I knew that after so long, after so much loneliness, after needing her so much for these past years, I could have denied Bella nothing. My need to feel her, to taste her, would overpower any fear at what this kiss might mean. We would've both panted into each other's mouths, refusing to part lips even to come up for air. Once Bella inhaled enough necessary breaths, the kiss would have continued, deepened, as our tongues would've intertwined together. Bella would sigh my name softly, over and over, and I would've done the same. Our joined lips would've spoken all the words, conveyed all the emotions we hadn't been able to share for years.

And then I remembered the cell phone, and my fantasy came crashing to an end. I mentally grimaced at an unwanted image of Bella having just such a kiss, but with the dog.

"Hey, bro? Did you hear what I said?" Emmett asked. Bella was in his arms now, her feet dangling off the floor, as she laughed and yelled at him to put her down.

I shook my head quickly from side to side, desperately trying to shake the image that had just burned itself into my mind.

"Emmett, be careful with her!" I demanded, making him laugh loudly at me. "Put her down!" I sneered between clenched teeth. They both looked at me and laughed.

'_Chill Edward!'_ Emmett continued laughing in his mind. _'Jeez, the girl's much more fun that you are! She looks damn good too, if I do say so'_ he taunted, wagging his eyebrows at Bella. I growled at him, low enough so that only my family would hear, but threateningly enough so that he'd know I wasn't playing. Sure, he was really brave when only I could hear that thought. I would've loved to see him say that aloud, with Rosalie right next to him.

As if he could hear my thoughts, he mentally answered me _'Ugh, relax! She looks good, that's all I'm saying. You know I only see her as a little sister, you uptight lunatic!'_

He put her down though.

"I was just saying" he spoke aloud now "that Bella here apparently can't get enough of Mike Newton. Geez Bella, did you even have to open up a store next to him?" he teased her, eliciting more laughter from her.

"Mike's not even here, Emmett" she laughed. "He went off to college in California. It broke my little heart" she cracked, smirking and putting both her hands on top of her heart playfully. The smirk let me know she was just joking. Otherwise, I may have had to fly to California and commit a small murder. It was still so frustrating not being able to read her mind.

Bella pulled away from Emmett, to turn her attention to my other brother. Jasper had been standing quietly next to Emmett, enjoying the banter between both he and Bella, as well, I was sure, as the joy emanating from my family at being greeted so warmly by her. As soon as Bella's attention turned to Jasper however, I saw as he straightened up, and his smile turned more wary.

Although I knew Jasper was as happy to see Bella as the rest of my family, I knew it still bothered him. Not the call of her blood. I had read his mind enough throughout the years to know that the incident with Bella, the one at her birthday party, as horrendous as it had been, had actually been the turning point for Jasper. For months, the event haunted him. Until it came to the point where he'd realized he no longer craved human blood the way he once had. He'd seen what the craving for human blood was capable of. It destroyed lives. Even if the life was not taken. He blamed himself for what had happened, even though I'd told him that first night that if anyone was to blame, it was myself for putting Bella in a position where she could be harmed. Even though I was able to forgive him for his instincts much easier than he was able to forgive himself. Eventually, he was finally able to accept what had happened, and learn from it. We'd never actually spoken aloud about it after that day, but it had constantly been on his mind for a long time afterwards. And I was grateful that at least some good could come out of it, if my brother was able to finally learn to control his bloodlust.

So it wasn't her blood that was bothering him. I knew that. I could hear it in his mind. He was afraid. Afraid that Bella would reject him. That she wouldn't have forgiven what happened years ago. Of course, Bella, being the selfless human that she was, ignored Jasper's wary smile and embraced him as tightly as she had the rest of my family. Except for me.

"Jasper, how are you?" she asked genuinely, as she pulled away.

"I've been good Bella. Thanks" Jasper responded, and I knew that that 'Thanks' had been for more than just her enquiry into his well being. Because with that one hug and question, Bella had finally absolved Jasper completely of the guilt that had plagued him for years. She had forgiven him as soon as it happened.

Alice and I both smiled at both of them. Alice, in relief that her husband could finally feel the absolution he deserved, and I, because I could see that Bella was still just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

Bella then turned to Rosalie, standing next to Jasper. Rosalie glared at Bella, and I saw as Bella's frame gave a slight shudder, but bravely, she gave Rosalie a small smile. Rosalie rolled her eyes in response. _'What the hell?'_ I thought. Didn't Rosalie say she was going to try to make peace with Bella?

"So" Rosalie began. "What? Do you have to be a man in this family or something to get a hug from you Bella?" Rose smirked. But before I could lunge at her, the smirk turned into a full smile, and she shocked Bella and the rest of us by throwing her arms around her, in an awkward, yet heartfelt embrace. Bella visibly froze for a few seconds, and then her shoulders finally relaxed and slowly, she lifted her arms to return Rose's embrace. After a few moments, Rose gently pulled away from the hug, and took another look at Bella.

'_Well Edward, she doesn't look half bad, I guess. I suppose you're kicking yourself right now for having left huh?'_ she chided me.

My dear sister. The one who could always be counted on to ruin a moment. I suppose she and Emmett were truly made for each other. I ignored her mental comment. It was par for the course with her.

Of course, if Rosalie could be counted on to create an awkward moment, Alice could be counted on to break it. As if on cue, we all turned to Alice as she drew in a sharp breath. Her eyes glazed over, and she stood frozen as a mental picture played itself out in her head. As I invaded her mind, I saw the scene play out along with her. The scene brought a large grin to my face.

Alice squealed in delight as the scene evaporated, as the rest wondered what she'd just seen.

"Alice, are you okay?" Bella asked worriedly, going to stand in front of her. "What did you see?"

"Ooh Bella!" Alice exclaimed, excitement dancing in her eyes. "I just saw your store! I just saw your bookstore the way it's going to look once we're done with it! It's going to be so beautiful!"

She quickly took Bella's hand and started guiding her around the room, as the rest of us watched, unsurprised. Of course Alice was going to take over. What else was new?

"Look, the Internet station's going to be here! And the children's section is going to be here! And look, this is where we're going to put the little café station! And over here's going to be-"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on" Bella interrupted her, sounding incredulous. "Internet station, café station? Alice, I don't know what you think you saw, but I can't do any of that! I wouldn't know where to begin!

"Bella, Bella, Bella, relax!" Alice insisted. "I saw it. This is how it's going to be!"

Bella narrowed her eyes at Alice, still looking incredulous and more than a little wary.

"We're going to help you Bella!" Alice exclaimed. "We're going to help create my vision for your store" she went on, confidently.

Bella glared at Alice.

"Bella, this is still part of your graduation present. You _can't_ say no" Alice whined.

"My graduation present!" Bella cried. "Are you kidding me? You spent a small country's yearly cash flow on me in New York! How can you even call this a graduation present?"

Rosalie answered Bella. "Bella, it's not a graduation present from Alice. It's from the rest of us".

Alice jumped up and down excitedly, thrilled that she and Rosalie had Bella cornered.

"Yes! You can't say no now! It would be rude!"

Bella blushed a deep red. She looked around the room, at all my family, and her eyes rested on me momentarily. She looked as if she wanted to ask me something, but then quickly turned away, shaking her head. What was she thinking?

Alice, of course, was undeterred by Bella's anxiety.

"It'll be perfect! Esme, Rosalie and I can help with the design. The guys can do the construction! Emmett can even do the electrical work for you. Can't you Emmett?"

Emmett laughed heartily. "Sure! Sounds good"

"No!" Bella cried. "That sort of stuff has to be done by a licensed electrician. I have to get permits and everything!" she insisted.

"Ahem, Emmett McCarty Cullen, Licensed Electrician, at your service" Emmett straightened up, trying to look as official as possible with the big smirk on his face.

Even I couldn't help chuckling at the shocked look on Bella's face. "No!" she exclaimed. "You're kidding me right?"

"No, I'm not" Emmett responded, trying to look hurt. "You know, the college thing gets boring after a while. I had to try my hand at a blue collar career too" he explained dryly.

"See?" Alice said smugly. She'd already seen the end result. She knew she had this one in the bag. She had an answer for any argument.

"And Jasper could set up the internet station" Alice went on. "And Edward". My sister looked at me, a gleam in her eye, _'Edward, you'll owe me big for this one'_ "Edward, of course, can do a little of everything. He can help with the construction and the computers, and anything else. Can't you Edward?" she asked innocently.

Bella quickly darted her eyes over to me. She looked…anxious. But anxious about what? _'Bella, what do you want? Do you not want me around? Do you not want my help?' _I thought, wishing I could just erase the little crease on her forehead. I couldn't read her expression, other than the fact that she definitely felt uncomfortable. Was it because she still hated accepting gifts, or was it because I would be involved in her gift?

I realized that when Bella had turned her attention to me, I'd neglected to answer Alice's question.

"I would love to help. If that's what Bella wants" I answered, not breaking my eye contact with her, willing her to speak her mind and let me know what she wanted. What she needed.

Bella's blush deepened as she stared back at me, and I wished I could just reach my hand out and stroke her warm, pink cheek, and take away whatever was distressing her. And it was while having these thoughts that I found myself standing right in front of her, instantaneously, not knowing how I'd gotten there. Not having noticed when, insanely anxious to erase her distress, my feet, of their own accord, had moved me closer to Bella. My hand was raised in the air, just inches from her face and from the cheek that I'd just fantasized about stroking, but which apparently I'd walked over to actually do with no conscious thought. In the millisecond that it took me to realize that I was just inches from Bella, and that my hand was just centimeters from her face, I heard Bella's heart skip a beat, and I saw the way her eyes widened in confusion. Realizing what I'd been about to do, I quickly made a minute adjustment to the direction my hand was going in, and gently lay it to rest on her shoulder instead. Bella stiffened under my touch, and I silently cursed myself for my lack of self control today. I did not want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was. Yet, I couldn't keep myself more than a few inches away from her. It was like an electric pull continually yanking me over to her, and it took all my strength and concentration to keep myself from giving in.

Once again, I tried to compose myself. I didn't want to alarm her. I spoke gently, as I brought my other hand to her other shoulder. Now we were facing each other, and in physical contact.

_This was okay, right?_ I thought to myself. _Friends could do this_. _Friends could offer comfort to one another when they saw distress in the other's eyes, right?_

I silently prayed that she wouldn't shake my hands off of her, as I heard her heart rhythm pick up pace again, going a bit faster than it should've been. Damn it! I was still making her uncomfortable! I realized Bella's anxiety had only grown when Alice had mentioned me helping.

Once again, this was all my fault. I sighed in frustration, and looked her in the eyes once again.

"Bella, you don't have to do this. If you don't want my…our help, we'd understand. Please don't feel obligated-"

"Will you _all_ be helping?" she interrupted me timidly, squinting her eyes but continuing our locked gaze. She looked as if she were trying to figure something out.

I was right. She didn't want me around here.

"If you'd rather I-"

"Okay" she cut me off again, and then I saw as she closed her eyes and quickly gave her head a few little shakes back and forth, as if trying to clear it.

"Okay" she repeated, opening her eyes once again and turning her attention to Alice.

"Alice, if you can promise not to get carried away, and if you promise to give me final say on all expenditures, then I guess I can accept all you guys' generous offer to help". She looked over at me once again, and gave me a shy smile that would've definitely had my heart skipping a beat, if it could beat at all. The worry crease that had formed on her forehead was gone now, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

'_Oh brother!'_ I heard Rosalie's thoughts. _'Loverboy is back!' _I couldn't even bother to look her way. I was too lost in Bella's smile, as I once again thought to myself

'_How, in the name of all that's holy, had I ever left her?_

"Ahem!" Alice cleared her throat loudly, effectively reminding me that I was getting lost in fantasies again.

'_Good Lord Edward! Get a hold of yourself! I'm trying to strategize here and your googly eyes are even distracting me! I can't strategize and keep an eye on you at the same time!' _she reprimanded. I fought the urge to growl at her, and instead forced myself to look away from Bella's hypnotic gaze.

Alice was right. We were here for a purpose. To keep Bella safe. And to do that, we had to convince her to spend as much time with us as possible. If she realized how desperate I actually was to be near her, it would make her uncomfortable, and she wouldn't want me around. I had to keep the façade up, for her sake. Even if to do so was killing me.

It was bad enough that we wouldn't be able to see her or keep track of her when she was with the mongrel. I cursed the wolf's luck, once again. I still couldn't believe that I wouldn't be able to keep track of Bella exactly when it was most important to do so; when she was with _him_.

The thought of the dog made me mentally grimace, and helped get me back on track. _Focus Edward!_ I said to myself. _We're here to keep Bella safe!_

"Okay, then" Alice continued, smiling sweetly at Bella. Bella turned away from me, and my hands instantly missed the warmth of her shoulders. She turned her attention to Alice, who walked over to her and took both Bella's hands in her own tiny ones. I felt so envious once again.

"It's settled then. And don't worry Bella, we will merely be the help. This is still your show" she promised. I wondered if she even believed that herself as she said it. "Now" she began, in a much more business-like tone "How soon can we get started?"

"Um…well, I have classes most of the day for the next couple of days. I was going to finish cleaning up here tonight and then this weekend we…I mean, um…a few of us were going to come and work on getting some things together" Bella muttered nervously. I didn't miss the blush that rose to her cheeks when she said 'we'. I was pretty sure who 'we' was. From the way most of my family looked over at me, I was sure they hadn't missed that either.

'_Don't worry Edward'_ Jasper's thoughts reached me_. 'Alice knows what she's doing. She'll be spending most of the weekend with us, not the dog'_ he thought out confidently, proud of his wife's manipulative ways.

As much as I hated having Alice use this particular "talent" on Bella, I knew it was necessary to keep her away from _him_ as much as possible.

"That's perfect" Alice exclaimed excitedly. "Esme can use the next couple of days to draw up some design plans for you, and we can meet Friday evening to discuss them. Then Saturday we can get to work! How does that sound to you Bella? Can you come over on Friday for dinner?" she asked hopefully, pleading with her eyes.

I watched Bella anxiously as she tried to absorb everything Alice was throwing at her. She looked shocked at having been invited to dinner. I wanted to throw myself at her feet and beg her to come, beg her to give me as much time with her as possible. Instead, I forcibly made myself stay where I was, begging her silently to accept the invitation.

I was surprised when she once again turned to look at me, and in my surprise I wasn't able to suppress the lopsided grin that popped onto my face. For some reason, her breathing hitched once again, and she quickly turned away from me.

I panicked. Was the smile too desperate-looking?

Bella scanned the faces in the room before answering. "If you're _all_ sure you don't mind, I'd love to come over Friday night. To discuss the plans, of course" she added quickly.

"Perfect!" Alice squealed excitedly. "I'll pick you up from your house Friday at 5:00. Make sure you-"

Before Alice could finish her sentence, the front door flew open, and a brown-haired girl, about Bella's age, rushed in, so flustered she didn't even bother to look up as she yelled out "Bella I'm here! Sorry I'm sooo late! I got stuck…"

The girl looked up and upon seeing all of us gathered around Bella, she gasped loudly and stopped dead in her tracks, one arm in and one arm out of her raincoat.

'_What the?'_ I heard her thinking.

Bella, standing in the middle of the room, her hands still in Alice's, looked over and smiled widely at the stranger.

"Gabby! You finally made it!"

Apparently, she was expecting the girl. Bella let go of Alice's hands and walked over to the girl's side, giving her a warm hug. The girl's one arm still remained stuck inside her raincoat, as she continued to stare at the strange people around her.

Bella helped the girl out of her raincoat, and smiling, made the introductions.

"Everyone, this is my friend Gabby. We go to the University together. She offered to help me too" she exclaimed happily, giving her friend a thankful smile.

"Gabby, these are…old friends of mine" Bella continued. "The Cullens" She went around the room . "This is Carlisle and Esme, and these are their children, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice" she paused and looked at me, avoiding my gaze. "And Edward" she finished.

'_Oh my God! They're all so…beautiful!'_ the girl thought to herself. I suppressed a smirk, as I mumbled a quiet "pleased to meet you" in her direction.

"They're down in Forks for the summer, and they stopped by to say hello" Bella explained.

"Nice to meet you" the girl named Gabby said to everyone. Then she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, and as I read her mind, I spoke up.

"Esme and Carlisle are our adoptive parents" I answered her unspoken question, at which point she nodded in understanding.

"Oh, sorry. Was my nosiness that obvious?" she asked.

"No, not at all" I answered her, trying to put her at ease. "It's just a common question" I responded plainly.

"Yes, I can imagine" she laughed genuinely. "So you guys are old friends huh? Did you go to school together?" she asked, looking at me and the rest of my siblings.

As I was about to respond, I noticed Bella walk over to the counter and pick up her cell phone. She gingerly pressed some keys, and her eyes grew wide as I assumed she found her missed call.

Alice picked up on the conversation with Gabby for me, noticing where my attention was. I vaguely registered Alice and the girl's exchange as I heard Bella quickly excuse herself for a second and walk hurriedly to the back room of the store, to return the phone call.

The girl and my family continued to exchange pleasantries. I on the other hand, was completely involved in what was going on in the room in the back.

I heard as Bella hit the number keys; dialing what I was sure was the mongrel's phone number. With one part of my mind I registered the sound the keys made, easily figuring out what numbers had been dialed and filing away that information. In case I ever needed it in the future.

The phone rang two times, and on the third ring, _he_ picked up.

"Hey Bells" the dog spoke, sounding relieved. I wondered why.

"Hey Jake" Bella responded, and I noticed that there was also relief in her voice. I narrowed my eyes in frustration, wondering what all the damned relief was about.

"I was afraid you were still upset about last night" the mongrel spoke to her gently.

What the hell happened last night?

I mentally cursed the treaty that bound me, as well as the rest of my family, and effectively kept me off of the dog's land. It would keep me from following Bella whenever she was at the reservation, making it extremely more difficult to keep her out of harm's way while she was with the mutt.

"No, Jake. No" Bella answered quickly, as if she really didn't want to talk about whatever had happened.

"I'm really sorry Bells" the mutt continued, sounding actually contrite about whatever he'd done. I balled my hands into fists again. If he'd hurt her, he'd be walking on three legs by tonight.

Jasper, who could hear the conversation in the other room as well as I could, and who could see and feel the reaction I was having to it, looked over at me warily.

'_Edward, calm down'_ Jasper warned.

I ignored him and continued to listen to what was being said in the other room. Jasper moved closer to me, trying to use his gift to calm me. I sighed in frustration. I didn't want to be calmed right now. Alice, although apparently deeply engrossed in a conversation with Bella's friend Gabby about how she and Bella had met, flashed a wary look at me.

'_Edward, you have to relax. The girl is going to take notice!' _

"I shouldn't have gotten so upset" the mutt went on. "I mean, it's not like you planned it or anything, right?" the dog asked, not waiting for an answer. "I just wish you would've said something sooner" he accused.

"I…Jake, you're right. Maybe I should've said something sooner. I just didn't want you to get upset" Bella clarified soothingly.

"I only got upset because I love you so much Bella" the dog offered in justification for his reaction to whatever had happened yesterday. "You know that right?"

"Yes Jake. I know" Bella paused for a second, and then lowered her voice further. "I love you too Jake".

_I love you too Jake._

The words rang in my ears.

When we made the decision to come back to Forks approximately 72 hours ago, I knew Bella was with someone else. I knew she'd been able to move on with her life and had gotten over me and given her love to someone else. I'd seen her tell Alice, through Alice's memories. I'd dealt with the pain of that realization by my self in the woods the day Alice had brought her news. In reality, I'd known for years that is was the most likely turn of events. Bella was beautiful, smart, caring, and everything else a man could ever want in a woman. For her to forget me and live a happy life with someone else had been what I wanted for her in the first place. I'd never wanted her to pine away for me suffering. Her safety and happiness were what I'd always valued above everything else.

But now, here in the present, standing in this room as my family tried to keep the girl Gabby's attention away from me, I felt as if I were actually about to go mad. The torture I experienced in the woods as I thought of Bella loving another had been like a paper cut compared to the agony that tore through every limb in my body at actually hearing her say it to him. I closed my eyes from the pain and swallowed audibly, involuntarily wincing at the tenderness in her tone as she spoke those words to him. I thought I'd prepared myself for this, because I knew I would have to see her with him. But I was - as I'd been about so many other things - completely wrong.

As if to add salt to my open, gaping wound, my mind took me to another night, many years ago, when lying in the little bed in her room, Bella wrapped her warm arms around me and brought her lips to my ear, responding to words I'd just spoken to her. _"I love you too Edward"_ she'd whispered, filling my entire being with unfathomable joy.

An involuntary moan escaped my lips, and I turned my head away from the back room, facing my family, who were all, save for Alice, staring right at me, open pity on their faces. Alice, who I was sure had heard Bella as clearly as myself and the rest of my family, was still trying to keep Gabby locked in pleasant conversation, to keep her oblivious of the vampire in the room who was about to break down.

'_Edward, I'm so sorry son. This must be so hard'_ my mother's thoughts reached me.

'_Ugh! It's gotta hurt like a bitch to hear that'_ Emmett thought to himself with heartfelt sympathy.

And as always, my sister Rosalie's words of wisdom _'Don't worry Edward! She can't possibly be in love with a dog!' _she thought, disbelief thick in her tone. '_Maybe she loves him the way these humans seem to love their pets?'_ she offered me as comfort.

I ignored all their thoughts, and like a masochist, continued to listen to the torturous conversation in the back.

The dog was chuckling easily now. "You know Bells, you were right too. It doesn't really matter anyway. It's not like you're ever gonna see those bl-"

Bella cut him off quickly. Her heart rate sped up, as if his words had somehow distressed her.

"Jake, can we talk about this later? I'm sort of in the middle of something right now. And Gabby's out in the front waiting for me" she offered nervously.

She sounded anxious to hang up, and in my mind I could picture her biting her lip. She seemed almost as anxious as I was for the conversation to end. It was unbelievable torture hearing her whisper words of tenderness to the mongrel.

"You know what babe?" – I cringed at his easy use of that word of endearment towards her – "Don't even worry about it. Let's not bring it up anymore. It's yesterday's news. So tell me what you're up to over there?" he changed the subject, unaware of Bella's speeding heart rate and heavy breathing.

"Just you know, cleaning" Bella offered. "Um, Jake? Are you busy tonight? I was thinking of coming over for a little while after I'm done here".

I snorted, shaking my head. She was digging a knife into me, twisting it as she pushed it in deeper and deeper. And she didn't even know.

Gabby looked over at me, breaking her conversation with Alice. She tilted her head and frowned in confusion.

"Are you okay?" she questioned. I could see in her mind that she thought I was acting more than just a little strange. Snorting and cringing and moaning.

"He's okay" Alice answered for me. "He just had…some bad meat earlier. It isn't sitting too well with him." she smirked at me.

"Yeah. It tasted like dog meat." Emmett snickered.

Rosalie and Jasper gagged.

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

I ignored them all and continued to listen to the call.

"Bella, when am I ever too busy to see you?" the mongrel chuckled at Bella. "Are you feeling okay? You sound kind of funny".

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Just, you know, tired". Bella took a deep breath.

"So I'll see you later tonight okay?" she said, clearly ready to get off the phone.

"Yeah, sure. You sure you don't want me to come over instead? I could close up early tonight and meet you at your house" he offered.

"No. No, that's fine. I think I'd rather go down to La Push tonight". Bella was silent again for a few seconds, and I held my breath as I wondered what she was thinking; not wanting to hear what I knew was coming, but too masochistic to stop myself from listening.

"Alright Bells. I'll wait for you then". He spoke softly to her. "And I'm sorry, okay? I really am".

"Jake, don't apologize. Please. Just…" she took another deep breath. "We'll talk tonight okay?"

They were both silent for a few seconds. It was so obvious to me that something was bothering Bella. Was the mutt too stupid to notice the tension in her voice?

"Okay babe" he finally answered her, either not noticing her anxiety, or choosing to ignore it.

"And Jake?" Bella asked, pausing once again to lower her voice "I really do love you. Please don't forget that".

And with those words she may as well have cut my heart into tiny pieces. It would have been less painful.

I couldn't take any more.

I turned to my family and the girl Gabby to excuse myself, but I heard one more line of conversation from the phone call in the back.

"Bells, you know you're the most important thing in this world to me, right?"

"Excuse me please" I muttered quickly, not wanting to hear anymore, and as fast as humanly possible, I walked to the front door and quickly made my way out.

Once outside, I quickly walked over to my car, which was carefully parked next to the little VW Beagle I knew belonged to Bella, both because I'd seen her driving away to Port Angeles in it this morning, and because I could easily trace her scent to it. It was stupid, I knew, but I'd felt some sort of comfort as I'd parked my Volvo next to her car earlier today, as if it meant something. As if by parking my car so close to hers, it could somehow bridge the distance that had been between us for the past few years. I snorted quietly as I realized that this is what I'd been reduced to, by my own stupidity. Parking my car next to hers in order to feel close to her.

I chuckled humorlessly at my own expense. It all meant nothing. No matter what I did, no matter how much time I would be allowed to spend with her this summer, no matter if I succeeded in showing her how dangerous her relationship with the dog was, no matter how close I got to her, no matter how close I parked my stupid shiny Volvo to her car, it all meant nothing. Because she loved _him_. And even if that were to ever change, it would not change the fact that she did _not_ love me anymore. I groaned quietly and lowered my forehead and fisted hands to the top of the Volvo a little more forcefully than necessary, banging my head against it and leaving indentation marks on the steel frame.

How was I going to do this? I couldn't even stand through an eavesdropped conversation between them without completely losing it. At some point, I knew I was going to have to see them together. It would be inevitable, even if I did manage to eventually convince her of the dog's danger. How would I keep myself from lunging at the mutt and tearing his head off? Bella would never forgive me.

No. As much as I would love to kill the dog, I had to control myself. I had to find the strength to control my pain, my jealousy, the utter torment at seeing Bella love another. It was something that I would have to accept if I planned to be around her for the rest of her life. Even if I had to be hiding in the shadows. Because whether it was for the mutt or someone else, her love would never again be for me.

I took a deep breath as I righted myself. The rain was falling steadily now, and the sun, which had never shone too brightly today anyway, was beginning to make it's decent, leaving an orange and purple hue in its wake. Once, the sight of the coming twilight over the Olympic Mountains of Washington would have been a beautiful sight to me, ushering in the time of day when my kind was the most free to roam. Tonight, it just reminded me of how I'd lost the light that filled my life when I had Bella's love. How that light had slipped away, into the darkness, in the same manner that the sun's hues were slipping away now. And how my life would always be one unending twilight, without a dawn to break the darkness.

I inhaled deeply as I once again reminded myself that I was not here for me. I was not here to make things easier for myself. I was here to protect Bella. That was my only priority.

As I made my way back into Bella's little store, I caught sight of her talking animatedly with Alice. She looked worried. And as I opened the door, she looked over at me and I could've sworn I saw her breathe a sigh of relief.

"Edward are you okay? Why are you all wet?" she asked concerned. As much as I hated to see her concerned, deep inside I couldn't help but be deeply pleased that at least she could still feel some sort of affection towards me.

"Yeah, your friend Alice here said he had some bad dog meat or something. Right?" the girl Gabby answered before I had a chance to say anything.

Emmett chuckled, and tried to mask it with a cough.

Bella's eyes grew wide in shock, which she tried to disguise. "What?" she squeaked out.

"What I said was" Alice exclaimed in a defensive tone, giving the girl Gabby a disapproving glance, "that Edward had some bad meat. And that it _tasted_ like dog meat". She made a disgusted face. "Blagh! As if any of us would ever actually consume dog! Ugh! Just the thought!" she shivered, shaking her head back and forth.

Bella glared at her quietly, but said nothing.

"I just needed some air Bella" I answered her, trying to steer the conversation away from dogs. I could tell she completely understood my siblings' little "inside" joke, and she was not at all happy about it.

Her features relaxed, but then she squinted her eyes at me, as if trying to study my face. Her eyebrows furrowed once again, and I could tell she was biting the inside of her lip.

"Do you feel okay?" she asked tenderly. And the concern I saw in her eyes as she continued to stare at me was enough to mend the shatter in my heart that that same tender tone had caused earlier, when it had been directed at someone else. I knew it wasn't the same, but it was enough to heal me.

"I'm feeling better now" I answered truthfully, smiling at her. Because in reality all I'd ever need in life was standing right in front of me, whether she loved me or not. It had to be enough.

Bella's concern evaporated at my smile, and she smiled back. She locked me in her hypnotic gaze. Her chocolate eyes were warm and inviting, once again making it hard for me to control myself and not just reach out and touch her. They made me want to close the space between us once again, and put my hand up to her face, her cheeks, her lips, and feel the warmth of her skin. It was like an electrical pull tugged at me every time her eyes bore into mine, and the longer I looked at her, the harder it was to fight.

As I stood there frozen, lost in her eyes, Bella appeared to be trying to read something in mine. She squinted her eyes in concentration, and I wondered how much I was allowing to show through. Did my eyes reflect my unending devotion to her? Could she tell that my feelings for her were just as strong, if not stronger, than they'd been the last time we'd been together? How long would I be able to keep up this façade with her staring into my eyes this way? And if she could see all the love I felt for her in my eyes, what would she do? Would she just accept it, and allow us to be friends? Or would she send me away, as I rightfully deserved?

I couldn't take the chance, so I quickly broke away from her gaze, not wanting her to see what I was sure she didn't want to see. I needed her friendship, at least. And my strength at keeping up this act was quickly deteriorating. As much as I hated it, I had to leave. Now.

"I'm leaving" I said, walking away before the electric pull completely broke me and I succumbed to my desire to touch Bella, to stroke her hair, caress her face.

"What? Why?" Bella asked anxiously, and I quickly turned around to face her again, avoiding her gaze. I noticed her friend Gabby staring at her curiously.

"I've still got some things to take care of at home. Unpacking to do and such" I replied in an indifferent tone. It was an outright lie. I'd done all my unpacking in less than an hour as soon as we'd gotten to the house late last night.

"Will you…will you be at the house on Friday? For…dinner?" she asked, smiling slyly. She would be the only one eating at that dinner and she knew it.

As if they had a mind of their own, my eyes met hers again, even though I'd decided it was too dangerous to allow that to happen. And when they did, her eyes seemed to have another question behind them besides what she'd just asked. A quiet request. But what was she requesting from me? If she only knew I would give her anything she ever asked for; she just had to ask. I could not, unfortunately, read her mind

"Would you mind me being there?" I asked her coolly, guessing that perhaps she'd be more comfortable if I were not present at the dinner, and praying that that was not the case.

"Of course not" she answered quickly, still staring into my eyes, making it so unbelievably difficult for me to keep my hands to myself. "I would like you…all to be there" she finished in a noncommittal tone. And then she inhaled deeply, and her smile widened, as if she'd gotten the answer to her silent request.

"Yes, it's time for us to go too" Alice interrupted from behind me, helping me, once again, break my gaze with Bella. "We've all got…unpacking to do" she said, placing her small hand on my shoulder, as if to help guide me out.

'_Edward, I know you want to stay, but I think she's had enough for one day. I'm sure this must have been a shock to her and she'll need some time to process it all. Let's go'_

Alice was right, of course. But there was still one more thing I needed to say to her tonight before I left. I wouldn't get a chance to speak to her again until Friday, even though I would be seeing her before that. As little as I knew it would matter now, and despite the fact that I knew it would never be enough, I had to apologize to her. I had to try to find a way to explain to her how unbelievably sorry I was for everything I'd left her to face. Unfortunately, with everyone here, now would not be the time or place for that. That conversation was something I needed to do alone with her.

I resolved myself to meet Bella's eyes once more tonight, just for a few more seconds. As hard as it was to do that without completely coming apart in front of her, it was part of the penance I would have to pay for all the wrongs I'd done by Bella. And in all honesty, I could think of so many worse forms of penance than getting lost in Bella's eyes. So as I met her eyes once more, for the last time tonight, I smiled sheepishly at her.

"There are some things I'd like to speak to you about Friday, after dinner, if you don't mind" I whispered quietly to her.

Bella quickly broke our gaze this time, looking down at her feet.

"Edward, really, I don't think that's necessary".

"Yes, Bella. It is" I insisted. "Please. Just give me a few minutes after dinner Friday, and then I promise to leave you alone" I added, sensing how uncomfortable the thought of spending a few minutes alone with me was making her. But as much as I hated making her uncomfortable, this was something I had to do.

As I finished my plea, she quickly looked back up at me, but something in her features had changed. Her eyes held a glint of annoyance, and I thought I saw a flash of anger quickly pass through them.

"Fine Edward. You can have your few minutes after dinner on Friday" she answered coolly, pursing her lips.

I furrowed my eyebrows at her in confusion, tilting my head in an effort to try to figure out what had annoyed her. Her face did not soften. Instead she appeared to grow infinitely more annoyed as the seconds passed.

"Thank you" I answered her, not knowing what else to say to make her anger go away.

All of a sudden, her features softened again but she still didn't smile. And instead of looking peaceful, she almost looked…resigned.

"I'll see you on Friday Edward" she sighed glumly, and quickly turned away from me to say her goodbyes to the rest of my family, giving them all the happy smile she'd just refused me.

The rest of my family said there goodbyes to Bella and "nice to have met you" to Gabby, as Alice quickly confirmed her pickup time for Friday with Bella. We then all walked out of Bella's store, keeping to a human pace, sure that Gabby was watching us. In truth, she seemed like a very nice girl. I hadn't detected any wayward thoughts from her mind, but it was our reality that we would be stared at. The human mind letting its host know that something was definitely off about us, even if the human could not figure out what exactly that was.

Once we rounded the corner and were next to our cars, Carlisle and Esme in Carlisle's car and my siblings and I climbing into my Volvo, Emmett let out a barely contained laugh.

"You are so screwed my brother! I give it the weekend before you're groveling at her feet. I'm surprised the jig wasn't up the second you walked in there. You looked like you were ready to pick her up and run off with her right then and there!"

Jasper chuckled next to him. "Nah, he'll last a bit longer than that Emmett" he smirked. "We all know no one can best our little Edward here for self-control". He eyed me pensively. I rolled my eyes back at him. "I give him a week" he teased.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at Jasper "Care to put a wager on it?"

I was not in the mood to listen to my brothers' childish bets, at my behalf no less. Nothing was off limits with them.

"Alright, when you two are done betting with my life, please try to remember that we're here for a reason".

"We remember Edward. And we're looking forward to meeting up with those wolves. But there's always room for a little side game" Jasper snickered, knocking fists with Emmett.

"Hey and why are y'all so insistent on this poker face crap anyway?" he added. "Going on the emotions rolling off of Bella in there, I'm not so sure she would have minded being carried off by you." Jasper questioned curiously.

"What?"

"Seriously. Edward, are you that blind?" Rosalie chimed in now, as we sat in the car, Emmett in the passenger seat next to me, and the other three crowded into the back. "I didn't even need Jasper's gift to see how you were making her feel!"

As much as I would have loved to have believed what Jasper and Rosalie were saying, I knew better. Any emotions of love, or looks of love for that matter, that Bella may have experienced were reserved for the rest of my family. She'd loved them like her own family, I remembered. I looked at Alice, because if anyone could tell me how things were going to turn out, it was her. The look on her face, however, confirmed what I already knew. Alice looked frustrated. Intent on seeing a future that would not materialize. Not because she did not desire it, but because of the being that was able to block Alice's visions.

Yes. Bella would be with her wolf for the present future. Bella loved her wolf.

I shook my head at Jasper and Rosalie's suggestion. They were wrong. "She was ecstatic to see the rest of you. That's all" I said in a tone that left no room for speculation.

Alice was strangely silent throughout the short trip home, looking out for the future. She wore a frown on her face, very unlike her, and I could see her eyes squinted in concentration. By the time we reached the turn leading to our house, I heard her in the back seat as she exhaled in frustration. I knew she hadn't been able to find what she was looking for.

"I'm sorry Edward" she said to me sadly as I looked at her through the rear view mirror. "_He's_ just too tied into her immediate future. I can't see anything". The frustration in her voice made me smile despite the pain her words inflicted. Because I knew Bella was going to see him tonight. He was in her immediate future, and I was not.

But I'd been making my own plans on the way home. Plans that I would have changed in an instant had Alice been able to see Bella's immediate future, because it would have meant she would not have been going to see the dog tonight. I would have been able to watch over Bella this evening; my priority over any other plans. But as Alice confirmed to me that Bella would indeed be with the dog tonight, I solidified my own plans. As the rest of my siblings got out of the car, Alice stayed in her seat, still looking at me through the rear view mirror.

"I don't think that's a good idea" she said to me softly, obviously having seen what I was planning, once those plans became solid.

"It's something I have to do" I answered coolly, staring out in front of me, trying to ignore the visions that were dancing in and out of Alice's mind. Still blurry from their lack of definitiveness. This was something I had to do, regardless of what Alice's visions showed her.

"You're just setting yourself up for more disappointment" Alice said in a sympathetic tone.

I chuckled dryly. "Alice, Bella no longer loves me. And she's in love with a werewolf. How much more disappointment can there possibly be for me?"

"Okay Edward. Go if you must. But don't say I didn't warn you" she answered, gracefully stepping out of the car to join the rest of our family in the house. "I'll tell them you'll be back later" she called out as she walked up the driveway.

I shifted into Drive once again, on my way to begin my penance.

**Another chapter will be up either later today or early tomorrow. It was originally supposed to be part of this chapter, but it grew so much longer than I'd originally expected it to, so it's become a chapter all on its own. Still in Edward's POV, since it was supposed to be part of this chapter. **

**And Edward and Jacob will be meeting up really soon. After the next chapter actually. Trouble. That's all I can say. **

**Please don't be upset at the Cullens for seeming manipulative in this chapter and plotting ways to keep Bella away from Jake. Remember that to them, Jacob is dangerous, and a threat to Bella's safety. Is it irrational, considering she's spent the past few years with him without being harmed? Maybe. But in their way of thinking, especially Edward and Alice, who care for Bella the most, just because nothing has happened yet, doesn't mean it won't. **

**Reviews would be great please and thank you. Can anyone guess where Edward's headed? Well, you'll find out really soon anyway.**


	11. Chapter 12 Penance

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter was originally supposed to be part of the previous one, but it grew out of control, as you'll see! **

**Thanks so much for you guys reviews for yesterday's chapter. I got some really nice comments, and I love reading all of them. I tried to respond to most of you this morning, but I think there was a problem on fanfiction and it wouldn't let me respond. I'll try again later.**

**To danna0724: You've got a sharp eye, and you'll be keeping me on my toes. Thanks for that!**

**As always, these are Stephenie Meyer's characters, and no, unfortunately I'm not her. If I were, I'd be finishing Midnight Sun!**

**Still Edward's POV here. Enjoy!**

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_It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. – William Blake_

_The road to hell is paved with good intentions. – 1855 H.G. Bohn, Hand-Book of Proverbs 514_

_Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil; With them forgive yourself. – William Shakespeare_

**Chapter 12 – Penance**

As I made my way back towards the main road, back towards Forks, I let my mind wander back to the events of today. It was still unimaginable to me that I was back here. Back to driving down these old familiar roads, past the same houses and buildings that I'd passed hundreds of times years ago as I drove, or ran. Yet somehow they all meant so much more to me now. Every house I passed, every road I turned in to, filled me with a sweet melancholy. Because it meant I was home. I was back in the one place that in my many decades on this Earth, I could truly call home. No other place in my over 100 years of life had ever felt so warm and inviting as this dark gloomy little town did. Not even, I was sure, the house in Chicago where I had grown up, with a mother and father who I was sure had loved me and nurtured me, and had ensured that I had every comfort a young man could ever desire. Yet I could not remember ever having had this feeling that I was back where I belonged, as I did now.

Nevertheless, I knew that my current surroundings had nothing to do with that feeling. Not the charming little houses that I passed, nor the winding familiar roads I drove through, nor the majestic mountains just beyond the town limits or the inviting dark woods within my reach. It was because of the one girl. The one girl who forever would be home to me. The girl who had once taught me what it was to truly love someone so deeply that it hurt, and who by falling into my arms just a couple of hours ago had reawakened in me a desire to live, to feel, to breathe, that I had thought long since dead.

I felt alive for the first time in years. Even though I knew she didn't feel the same for me as I felt for her. Even though I knew she'd be going to meet the wolf soon. And even though I knew the next few weeks, or months, would be difficult as I tried to keep Bella from someone she desperately wanted to be with, I felt _alive_. Because I was near _her._ And because the electric pull that she gave off, the one that I could feel from anywhere here in this little town, filled me with a current of energy I hadn't possessed in years.

So I quietly parked in front of the little white house. I looked up at it, noting contentedly that it hadn't really changed much in the past few years. It was well kept by its occupants. The front of the house looked like it had recently been power-washed, and the siding, although slightly worn, looked clean. The driveway was sealed nicely, covering up any holes that would have given the undeniably older house a more distressed look. Yes. I definitely felt like I was home.

Before walking out of the car, I let my eyes wander, once again, to the little window to the left on the side of the house. I exhaled loudly as the memories rushed back to me all at once, just as they had approximately 12 hours ago when I'd looked at it, but from much further back in the woods. Not wanting to be spotted, I'd stared at the window from afar, deep in the woods, where I was sure to go undetected, until Bella had come out and gotten in her car, headed for Port Angeles.

How many times had I climbed through that little window? I did a quick calculation and noted that it had been well over 200 times. I smiled and chuckled to myself, recalling how unbeknown to her father, Bella had slept in my arms almost every single night while we were together. She'd dream vividly as I hummed to her softly, chasing away any bad dreams, and only allowing the good ones, the ones where I'd hear her quietly call out my name, to remain in her subconscious. Charlie had slept unaware of my nightly visits, only a few feet away.

That was why I was here tonight. Charlie had placed his trust in me once. No, he did not know of my nightly visits to Bella, but nothing had ever happened during those nightly visits for him to fault Bella or myself for. I, on the other hand, had given him plenty to fault me for. Both during the incident in Pheonix, when Bella had almost been killed by James, and even more despicably, what I'd done to his daughter just a few months after that, when I'd left her in the woods.

Charlie had understandably had a hard time forgiving me after we returned from Pheonix. But being the just man that he was, had eventually been able to accept me again, as much as a father could ever be expected to accept any man that stole his daughter's heart. But if I was going to apologize to Bella for everything that had happened to her after I'd left, I needed to apologize to her father too. I was sure he wasn't aware of everything that I was responsible for, but he knew enough.

Growing up at the turn of the century, I'd been taught that a man took responsibility for his actions. If he did something wrong, it was his responsibility to acknowledge that wrongdoing, and where possible, make amends for it. Likewise, I'd been brought up to always be respectful, and respect meant facing your mistakes. I'd always had great respect for Charlie, a man who, despite having lived most of his life alone, as a bachelor, opened his heart and his home to his teenaged daughter when she needed him. And who was able to, in his own way, guide her and show her the love that a parent could have for a child, despite not having lived with that child consistently. When Bella and I were together, I'd often fantasized about one day visiting Charlie while Bella was out with Alice or something, confessing to him my unending love and devotion to his daughter, and respectfully asking for his blessing and his daughter's hand in marriage. It had always been just a fantasy, of course, but one which had, at the time, filled me with a sense of pride, because I knew that I would be honoring my parents, both my natural ones and my immortal ones, by doing things as I'd been taught.

Tonight, I would be speaking to Charlie alone. But Bella was not out with my sister. She was on her way to see the dog. And I was definitely not here to ask Charlie for his daughter's hand in marriage. I was here to start making amends. To apologize for the pain I was only beginning to see I'd caused Bella by leaving. Charlie loved his daughter. It was a different love from the one I felt for her, but one which I was sure could be just as strong. I knew how I felt about anyone who ever even looked at Bella the wrong way. I could only imagine how Charlie must have felt after I left; watching Bella suffer because of someone who'd once promised to his face to take care of her. How he must have regretted placing that trust in me, trusting his daughter's well being to someone who had apparently disregarded it completely. I had to try to explain it to him. As with Bella, I couldn't tell him everything, I couldn't tell him how leaving had seemed to me at the time to be the only reasonable solution. But I had to at least apologize and hope that, even if he wasn't able to forgive me, he at least saw the sincerity in my apology.

I got out of the car and walked slowly up the path to the front porch, listening as I walked to the thoughts coming from inside the little house. Charlie was alone inside, and I could hear the sound of the television set, where it was tuned to tonight's baseball game between the Mariners and the Phillies.

Charlie's mind had always been a grey area for me, no where near as easy to read as most other people's but not as completely closed off as his daughters. His thoughts came to me like half clipped whispers. I could only ever get a few words here and there; never the complete thought. The rest I had to figure out based on his expressions and attitude. It sometimes felt closer to Jasper's gift than my own when I tried to listen to Charlie's thoughts.

Tonight, Charlie was distracted. He was watching the game on TV, yes, but his mind was also on something else.

"_Come on guys…up by one…disappointment"_

"_Hasn't called back…bother her…"_

"_Not a ball!"_

"…_she know?"_

"…_she seen…"_

Not letting myself be distracted by his apparently random thoughts, I knocked on the door gently, yet with a confidence I did not actually possess.

"…_the hell…?" _

"Yeah, coming!" Charlie called out, and I could hear him reluctantly get up off the couch, muttering about people not knowing there's a game on right now.

Charlie opened the door distractedly, especially for a Police Chief. His eyes were still on the TV screen as he pulled the door open, and then quickly turned to face me.

His first expression registered shock at seeing me standing in front of him. His eyes bulged wide open, and he actually took a step back, as if staring at perhaps the last person on Earth he expected to knock on his door. His expression then changed to one of confusion, his eyebrows furrowing deeply above his nose, his eyes narrowing as he tried to make sense of who he was actually staring at.

But it was his final expression that stuck, once his mind was able to process that it was actually me, Edward Cullen, or _'THIS ASSHOLE!_', as he thought in his mind, standing before him. A sneer formed on his lips, and his eyebrows, though more relaxed, just made way for the deep creases that formed on his forehead. His eyes narrowed even further, a look of deep disgust in every crease of his face.

"You! What do you want?" he spat, never changing the look of disgust on his face.

"Chief Swan. How are you?" I asked, wanting to be pleasant.

'_What the…?" "…he serious?"_

"How am I?" he repeated, looking at me incredulously. "What do you want Cullen?" he repeated, ignoring my question.

"…_cocky…" "…stupid…" "son of a…"_

"May I come in sir?" I asked. Obviously, the pleasantries were going to be impossible.

"_Heck No!" "…all the…" "…kick…" "…pompous bastard!"_

"For what?" he responded, venom in his tone. He made no move to allow my entrance.

"Sir, I'd just like to speak to you for a few minutes. I promise I'll be quick. May I please come in?" I repeated.

"…_the hell…" "…arrogant…" "…should…on his ass"_

Charlie's mouth closed into a tight line. He continued to stare at me through narrowed eyes, standing there unmoving and silent for two minutes. After 127 seconds passed with neither of us saying a word, neither looking away, Charlie drew in a deep breath and exhaled in a huge gust. Without breaking eye contact, he crossed both arms over his chest and slowly moved away from the door, giving me just enough room to enter.

"Thank you" I spoke earnestly, as I walked by him.

I heard the door slam loudly behind me. I quickly scanned the living room as I walked in, and noticed that, like the outside of the house, this part of the inside didn't look much different than it had last time I'd been in it, almost five years ago. When I passed the staircase leading upstairs, my eyes involuntarily glanced up quickly, wondering how much, if at all, the little bedroom on the left had changed. I barely had a chance to catch some new fixtures on top of the fireplace mantel before Charlie's angry thoughts attacked me again, and accepting them the way a sinner accepts his penance, I forced myself to concentrate on them completely.

"_make it quick…" "not interested…" "…leave before Bella…"_

"Bella's not here" he hissed at me as he followed me into the living room, where the TV still droned on.

"I know sir" I answered as modestly as possible. Charlie looked at me confused, wondering how I knew that. He was about to ask me, but then decided he just wanted to get this conversation over with as soon as possible.

"So, what do you want then?"

I turned to face him, as we stood in the middle of the living room. He hadn't offered me a seat, and I wasn't going to push it by asking to sit down. I was just as comfortable, or uncomfortable, in this situation, standing as I would be sitting.

"I actually came to speak to you sir."

Charlie glared at me again, his arms still crossed at his chest.

"_the hell…say…me?" _

"What do you want to speak to me about?" he growled. He was unrelenting.

I drew in an unnecessary breath, as I prepared myself to say what I'd come here for. As much as Charlie obviously disliked me, I still had the utmost respect for the man, and I had to at least try to make amends.

"Chief Swan, I'd like to apologize" I started. Charlie's glare didn't waver. "I know I caused a lot of trouble when I left, and I know I hurt Bella deeply. I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt her. I never meant her any harm. On the contrary, I've always only wanted what was best for her."

I paused, to give Charlie a chance to say something, if he wanted to. He continued to glare at me, arms folded against his chest. His mind was now completely silent, just like his daughters.

"Chief, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you, watching Bella suffer because of what I did. I just wanted to come by and say I'm sorry. Sorry for disappointing you, and sorry for hurting Bella. I-"

Charlie cut me off then. His face had gone red now, and I was struck by the similarities between himself and his daughter. Even though Bella physically resembled her mother, I could clearly see her in him at this moment, when the normally quiet and gentle police chief was inflamed to the point of seeing red.

"Edward. Don't." he snarled, clenching his jaw. "Do me a favor and don't even try to apologize for Bella's pain. That's something I don't even want to address with you at the moment."

I got a brief glimpse into his mind then, and saw through his eyes a memory of him carrying Bella. But in this memory Bella was not a baby, nor was she a little girl who'd been hurt riding her bike or running down the street, and had needed her Daddy to carry her home. This was Bella as she'd looked the day I'd left her in the woods, wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing that day, the same coat. Only her pants were caked in mud, her jacket soaked through with dirty water, her hair knotted around her face, and her eyes closed in unspoken agony, visible even though her eyes were not. I flinched in pain. Charlie continued, not noticing my reaction to his memory.

"But since you mentioned imagining my pain, let's talk about that" he said wryly, turning his back on me to face the window. "Let's talk about that because I'm curious to know how you can possibly imagine my pain, how you can possibly think you know for a second what _I_ must've gone through after you left Bella."

"You can't!" he growled through clenched teeth as he wheeled around to face me again. Had I not been a vampire, I may have been a bit scared for my life at that moment.

"You can't possibly know! Do you know why? Because you are just a 22 year old arrogant little prick, who has always thought he knows everything. You were arrogant then, when you were with my daughter, and I can tell you're still just as arrogant now! 'I can only imagine what it must have been like for you'" he mocked me. "You can't imagine shit!" he spat out.

"You wanna imagine something?"he continued his tirade. "Imagine this. Make believe you'll ever meet someone you'll be able to love more than you love yourself. Someone you love with all your heart and soul, more than your own life. And make believe this creature actually agrees to marry you one day, making you feel like the luckiest bastard to ever win the lottery. Now make believe that some time later, somehow your luck actually gets better, because this wonderful woman that you've put on a pedestal and can't imagine ever taking second place to anyone, actually gives birth to your child. So now you and this perfect woman have made a life together. And the moment you look into this child's eyes you realize that all the love you've ever felt before barely even prepared you for what you feel now. Because if you would've given your life for the woman who gave birth to her, you're ready to sacrifice the whole damned world for this child in front of you".

In his mind's eye I could see briefly flashing images of Bella.

_Bella as an adorable baby, a few months old, bald and fast asleep in her crib, as Charlie looks down at her in awe. Another flash of a tiny Bella, about 5 years old, in brown pigtails, sitting on a fishing boat with Charlie, as he tries to teach her how to hook a worm on a line, and then a preteen looking Bella with braces, looking shy and uncomfortable sitting at a diner with her father, as he proudly calls to all his friends to come see how beautiful his daughter looks._

I hung my head down in shame as Charlie continued. I deserved everything he was giving me, I knew. But I also knew that I _had_ met the girl I loved with all my dead heart and non-existent soul, and I would sacrifice not just myself, but the whole world for her. She and the girl Charlie was now talking about, his voice shaking with anger and emotion, were one and the same. Yet he could not see that. He would never see that.

"Now imagine this beautiful child grows into a beautiful young woman. Things didn't work out with her mother" he chuckled humorlessly "but no matter what, the beautiful young woman will always be your daughter. She's shy and a bit unsure of herself, and you wish she could see the poise and grace inside her the way you do" he continued, looking out towards the window again, a brief memory of Bella as she looked when she first came to live with him entered his mind, and a quick smile lit his face at the memory.

Charlie took a deep breath before he continued with his story. "One day, a young man enters her life. And you realize that your little girl isn't quite so little anymore, and the day's coming soon when you'll have to share her love with another man" he briefly looked at me as he said this, and then turned to face the window again, arms still folded across his chest.

"At first, you figure 'hey, this kid's not so bad'. If she's gotta go and fall in love, I guess she could've done worse. Hell" he laughed "he's even helping her come out of her shell a bit".

I wanted to tell him that it was she that brought me out of my shell, but I didn't think he was looking for comments on his story, so I let him continue.

"There's a rough spot there, and for a while you're ready to kill the cocky son of a bitch, but then things settle down once again and it seems to you like, hey, this kid really does care for your little girl."

Charlie turned to face me again, and I saw as his eyes, which had lit up with a faraway haze as he'd recounted his version of events, now turned dark and cold again, as he resumed his glare.

"I don't know what happened" he muttered accusingly now, sounding as if he was still confused by the turn of events the story had taken. "One day, everything was fine. Bella was happy. Happier than I'd ever seen her. You" he pointed his finger at me reproachfully "_you_ seemed happy". He crossed his arms again.

His mind filled with memories again.

_Charlie coming home from a long day at work. The little town's police precinct had been busier than usual that day. A couple of strange phone calls about overgrown animal sightings in the woods. He'd sent one of the deputies out but the deputy had found nothing out of the ordinary. And then right before he'd been ready to come home another deputy walked in with a man charged with DUI, speeding down the slick Forks roadways. Charlie had had to process him and had ended up leaving work an hour later than usual. As he'd walked up the walkway, starving and wondering what Bella had prepared for dinner that night, he'd noticed that the lights in the house were all off, and he'd wondered where Bella was, quickly assuming she'd gone to my house for dinner instead. He'd walked into the house tired but unconcerned, taken off his jacket, his workboots, undone the holster and hung it up on the wall, always making sure the safety was on. Then he'd slowly walked into the kitchen to see what Bella had left him for dinner. Even on nights when she went out with Edward, she always made sure she left something for him. She definitely had him spoiled, he thought to himself warmly. _

_Once in the kitchen, he'd turned on the lights and had quickly found that not only was there no food, but there was a note on the table. 'Went for a walk in the woods with Edward. Be back later. B'_

Yes. The note I wrote in Bella's handwriting. In case Bella didn't return right away.

_Charlie's heart gave a tug then. He wasn't sure why. It wasn't really anything unusual. Those two kids were always going for walks and stuff. But it was dark already. Were they still out walking? Why hadn't Bella left anything for dinner then? And then he thought of the overgrown animal sighting phone calls he'd gotten earlier today. He shuddered a little, but then decided he was just being an overprotective father. Besides, if Bella was with Edward, she'd be safe. He'd noticed in the past few months how that kid watched Bella like a hawk. At first, the overprotective act had bothered him, but after a while he'd gotten used to it and even had to admit, that as clumsy as his princess was, she could probably do with a boyfriend who watched her every step. Yes, she'd be safe with Edward._

I mentally cringed as I read that thought, that memory. Charlie had actually been glad to think that Bella was with me that day. Charlie continued to glare at me, lost in his memories. His eyes were locked on mine as he remembered, thinking only that he was giving me the silent treatment, making me uncomfortable. Yes, I was uncomfortable. But there was no silent treatment involved.

_An hour passed. Still no sign of Bella or Edward. Charlie was feeling nervous. He wasn't exactly sure why. It wasn't the first time Bella had been out at this time with Edward. Hell, it was barely 8 o'clock. But something didn't feel right. He decided to call the Cullen household to see if they'd gone there. He'd make up some excuse about wondering if Bella could bring him home some pizza or something on her way back. He went to the junk drawer in the kitchen where they kept the phone book and quickly found the Cullen's number. He dialed the number and listened anxiously as the phone rang and rang with no answer. It seemed a little strange to him because with that many people living in that house, you'd think somebody would be home to answer the phone. Plus, after about 20 rings, Charlie noticed that the answering machine wasn't picking up. Very strange. You'd think Doctor Cullen would make sure the answering machine was on properly. Starting to feel a bit more panicky and hating himself for it every second, Charlie decided to call Edward on his cell phone. He could still use the pizza excuse. He looked up Edward's cell phone number and dialed. Once again, the phone rang and rang without an answer._

I remembered then. I'd turned my cell phone off that day as soon as I'd left Bella in the woods. I hadn't turned it back on for months after that. What had Charlie called me a little while ago? A prick? Yes, I definitely felt like one.

_By this time, Charlie was full on panicked. It was getting close to 9 and he couldn't get in touch with Bella or any of the Cullens. To hell with excuses he thought to himself. He'd call Carlisle at the hospital and tell him he was worried about the kids and just wanted to make sure they were okay. Carlisle would know how to get in touch with them. He quickly looked up the number to the hospital and dialed, getting the hospital operator and asking to be connected to Doctor Cullen please. It was a small hospital in a small town. They'd know how to page him quickly. The operator transferred him to Dr. Gerandy instead, and he'd been worried, tired and aggravated at that point, and had taken it out on the good doctor._

"_Dr. Gerandy? I asked to be put through to Doctor Cullen. Can you please page him for me? It's a bit of an emergency" Charlie said irritated._

"_Chief Swan, is it anything I can help with?" Dr. Gerandy asked kindly._

_Charlie sighed anxiously. "No, I'm afraid not. I really need to speak to Carlisle. Can you please just get him for me quickly?"_

_Dr. Gerandy seemed to hesitate on the other line, finally answering Charlie._

"_Charlie, I'm afraid Carlisle's not here. He's gone" Dr. Gerandy answered quietly._

"_Gone? Okay, fine. Do you know his cell phone number? I need to get in touch with him. I've got to ask him if-"_

_Dr. Gerandy interrupted Charlie. "Charlie, what is this about? I'm afraid Carlisle's not with the hospital any longer, so if you need any medical-"_

_Now it was Charlie's turn to interrupt. "Not with the hospital any longer?" Fear was starting to make Charlie's hands sweaty, the phone slippery in his hands, because he knew, somehow this had something to do with Bella's note. "What do you mean he's not with the hospital any longer? What happened? Where is he?" he questioned, his voice rising a few octaves in his panic._

"_Didn't you hear from Bella?" Dr. Gerandy questioned. _

_Charlie was getting impatient. "Well, if I'd heard from Bella, I wouldn't be asking you right now would I?" he answered angrily now._

"_They left Charlie." Dr. Gerandy answered quickly. "Carlisle and his family are gone"_

I felt then what Charlie had felt at that moment. The alarm that consumed him, because as angry as that knowledge had instantly made Charlie, he automatically knew that would not have been Bella's reaction. No. Bella's reaction would have been infinitely worse. Pain, anguish, torture, abandonment. Hopelessness.

Throughout Charlie's memories, my gaze had never faltered. My eyes never left Charlie's. But my agony and regret were excruciating.

_Back in Charlie's memories, Charlie immediately went into Police Chief mode. _

"_Dr. Gerandy, I'm going to need your help. My daughter's missing."_

Charlie broke the silence.

"One day you seemed happy with my daughter. The next day you were gone" he finished in a monotone voice.

"Charlie, I thought I was doing the right thing" I began.

"The right thing? Leaving my daughter broken in the woods, not even having the decency to bring her home? That was doing the right thing?" Charlie asked, his voice thick with disbelief. "You were supposed to love her, you were supposed to take care of her. I trusted you with that. I trusted you with the most precious thing in this world to me. Do you understand that? And what you did to her" Charlie's voice broke and he looked away from me angrily, giving himself a few seconds to compose himself.

"What you did to her" he continued, "I wouldn't have expected from her worst enemy" he hissed.

I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach by Emmett at full force.

"So if you're here to apologize to me for what I went through Edward, don't even bother. I do not accept your apology. I don't believe one word you have to say, and I never will. You abandoned her. No letters, no phone calls, nothing. You just forgot she'd ever existed and continued on merrily with your life in California or wherever the hell you moved to".

He had it all wrong. I'd never for one nanosecond forgotten she'd existed. She was the one who was supposed to forget I'd existed. She was supposed to be hurt for a little while, then after a couple of months, realize how bad I was for her, and move on. She wasn't supposed to suffer longer than that. Laurent was never supposed to come back. Victoria was never supposed to come back. And the wolf was definitely never supposed to enter her life.

"Chief Swan, I know you can't understand why I left the way I did, but I had my reasons, and at the time, they made sense to me. I don't expect you to try to understand that, but please believe me when I say that I'd like to make amends.

"Make amends?" he questioned skeptically. "How do you make amends for almost destroying a man's pride and joy? Son" he began, but there was no kindness in the word "I know you're young and still have a lot to learn, but as angry as you make me, I hope there's one lesson you never have to learn. Because no man should ever have to watch his baby girl go through what I had to watch my Bella go through. No father should ever have to feel that helpless, wishing he would've seen the signs earlier, so he could have done something about it then. Wishing he could do something more than just constantly wish the one responsible for his daughter's pain to the darkest pits of hell."

Charlie's mind once again filled with memories.

_Bella in her bed, lying on her side, staring out the little window in her room, a look of quiet desperation in her bloodshot eyes. Her brown hair strewn all askew around her pillow, looking neglected and unwashed. Charlie sits quietly on a chair next to her. He looks at her curiously and asks "Bella, why do you keep staring out the window?" Bella doesn't answer him. She instead closes her eyes as one solitary teardrop escapes from each eye._

_In the next memory, Bella is still in the same pajamas as in Charlie's previous memory, although it is obviously a different day. Bella's hair looks infinitely more neglected, matted to her neck and shoulders. She is sitting up on her bed this time, staring straight ahead at the wall. Her face looks gaunt, as Charlie stands over her bed, holding a tray with a cup of milk and a sandwich. "Please Bella" he begs, "just take a couple of bites. "Dr. Gerandy says if you don't start eating and drinking, he'll have to put an IV in you. You don't want that, do you?" he teases persuasively. Bella continues to stare straight ahead. No answer._

_Next, Charlie slowly climbing up the stairs with dread in his heart, and then suddenly sprinting the last few steps as he hears Bella's voice humming an unfamiliar tune from her room. His heart leaps in guarded joy, hoping that Bella has finally snapped out of the silence that has consumed her for days now. As he walks into her room, his heart sinks. Bella is sitting up on her bed, her pillows propped behind her exactly as he'd left them that morning. The drinks and food he left on the tray on the bedside table sit untouched. Unbelievably, Bella is still in the same pajamas she hasn't changed out of for days. He thinks to himself that her hair looks more like a slick black oil spill now than like the rich chocolate brown it should be. Her face looks noticeably thinner to him. Her lips are dry and cracked from lack of drink. "Bells, hon, what are you humming?" Charlie asks, as Bella stares straight ahead, no acknowledgement of his entrance into her room. Bella continues to hum quietly, a tune which is totally unrecognizable to Charlie._

I, on the other hand, recognized the haunting tune in Charlie's memories instantaneously. A lullaby. The one I composed for her. A tune I haven't allowed myself to think of, much less play, for years.

As if he knew the torture his memories were inflicting on me, Charlie kept them coming. His eyes were fixed on me as he stood there in silence, lost in his painful memories. He was unknowingly granting me a small piece of the penance I knew I had to pay.

_Another memory. Charlie and Renee climbing up the stairs to Bella's room. Renee asking Charlie why he'd waited so long to call her, and Charlie feeling useless and guilty at not having been able to get Bella through whatever was happening to her. "She just needs her mother, that's all" Renee exclaims. "Once I get her away from here, she'll be fine" she calls out to Charlie, who is a couple of steps behind her. Charlie hears Renee's horrified gasp as she enters Bella's room. He cringes, thinking how this is partly his fault. As her father, he should've seen this coming. He should've seen Edward Cullen for what he was, an arrogant, selfish, manipulative little prick. Charlie walks into Bella's room and sees Renee's shocked face at the sight of Bella, who at this point dangerously resembles the girl from that Exorcist movie. Renee is frozen for a few seconds, and then springs into action. She goes to Bella and gives her a warm hug, which Bella barely returns, and then quickly moves to the closet, pulling out Bella's suitcase. Animatedly now, she starts talking to Bella about how wonderful Jacksonville is and how much she's going to love living there. Renee moves to Bella's dresser and starts emptying it out, and Charlie watches as Bella's gaze slowly turns to her mother, watching her items being methodically emptied into the large brown suitcase. Before Charlie has a chance to fully appreciate the fact that Bella is finally responding to something for the first time in innumerable days, Bella flies out of the bed with more energy than he could've imagined her having. She hasn't eaten anything in days. Where did that burst of energy come from? But again, before he can fully process that thought, Bella quickly snatches her clothes out of a shocked Renee's hands, and then picks up the half-full suitcase and throws it forcefully against the opposite wall. She stands there staring at her mother, as Charlie stares at both women in horror, and then Bella lets out the most agonized howl Charlie has ever heard. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Bella looks from her mother to Charlie. "I'm not going anywhere" she hisses through clenched teeth. Charlie wonders if perhaps Bella has been possessed. Renee tries to argue with Bella for a while, but Bella is adamant, threatening to run away if they force her to go. In the end, both women look to him for the final word, Renee instructing him with her glare to insist Bella go, and Bella pleading him with her eyes to let her stay. Of course, he sides with Bella, much to Renee's dismay and disapproval. As Bella slowly makes her way to the shower with her mother's help, Charlie is hopeful that the worst is behind them now._

When Alice had, just a few days ago, shown me much of what she'd learned during her conversation with Bella in New York, I'd agonized at her memories; at the words Bella had spoken to her; replaying in painful detail the torture she'd endured while first Laurent and then Victoria hunted her. It had become, along with my memories of the day I'd left Bella in the woods, the most painful experience of my life. Tonight, I'd added new memories to my growing list of miseries. Except, unbelievably, Charlie's memories were taking the cake in these competing horrors. Because now, here, I was getting a first hand glimpse of what Bella had gone through because of _me._ There was no one else I could blame in this case for her suffering. Not Laurent, not Victoria, not even the mangy dog. The entire blame for Bella's suffering could be laid at my feet.

And I had no words for Charlie. No words of apology; no way to ever make amends; nothing I could ever do to in any way make up for even a fraction of the pain I'd caused both Bella _and_ him. No amount of penance could ever make up for this.

"Sir, I don't expect you to ever be able to forgive me." I looked him in the eyes, unflinching. And hoping he could at least hear the sincerity in my voice.

"But nevertheless, I had to come here today and apologize. It's how I was raised; to take responsibility for my actions, regardless of how difficult that may be. I needed to apologize, to both Bella and yourself, regardless of whether that apology is accepted or not."

Charlie once again frowned at me in confusion. He appeared to have been momentarily taken back by my acknowledgement of his refusal to accept my apology. Had he expected me to think that my deplorable actions could be excused by mere words? He shook his head back and forth quickly, unwilling and unable to believe my sincerity.

"Well then. I'm glad we understand each other. I can't accept your apology Edward" he repeated coldly. Then he frowned and pursed his lips in aggravation.

"Unfortunately" he continued "I can only speak for myself. And I know how Bella is." He glared at me. "She'll probably accept your apology when she sees you" he said with a certainty that obviously irritated him. "As a matter of fact" he added sourly, his face turning red, "you've seen her already, haven't you?" he asked. "That's how you knew she wasn't home tonight."

I nodded. "Yes, I have. But I have yet to truly apologize to her."

Charlie smiled at me then, momentarily shocking me, until I saw the direction of his thoughts. This wasn't a friendly smile, but rather one of triumph.

"Fine Edward. You go ahead and apologize to her. Like I said, knowing Bella, she'll probably accept it". He paused to give his next words more weight, smiling even wider.

"But do you know _where_ she's going tonight?" he asked me wryly. Charlie was feeling vengeful tonight.

"Yes sir. I do." I answered honestly, allowing him the satisfaction of watching me squirm uncomfortably. If this form of retribution for my actions somehow helped to appease his anger, he was most certainly entitled to it. He did not know, after all, that his memories had been doling out retribution at me almost since the moment I walked through the door.

"Good" he said mockingly. "Then you know." he grinned bitterly. "Bella did get better. Yes, she had a hard time of it at first, but Jake was always there for her. He got her through it. He never left her side and he never gave up, and eventually she grew to love him."

More short glimpses filled Charlie's mind.

_Bella and Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Only they aren't alone. Jacob is sitting with them, talking excitedly to Bella about a car he's rebuilding. Bella stares down at her plate, only half listening to what Jacob is saying. Charlie watches as Jacob pauses halfway through his sentence, waiting for a reaction from Bella. Bella looks up at Jacob and gives him a small smile, encouraging him to continue. Jacob flashes Bella a huge grin and continues animatedly with his story._

_In Charlie's next glimpse, he walks through the front door of this house to find Jacob and Bella sprawled out on the living room floor, both with what appear to be school textbooks in front of them. Charlie pauses at the entrance to the living room and looks at them, noticing how Jacob stares intently at Bella, showing absolutely no interest in the textbook in front of him. Bella instinctively looks up and catches Jacob staring at her, blushing red as a small smile spreads to her face. Jacob once again flashes Bella a huge grin._

But it was the last glimpse of memory from Charlie's mind that assured this visit a top spot in my worst eavesdropped moments of all time.

_Charlie once again walks through the front door, home from a long day at work. He quietly walks into the living room, but this time, he doesn't find Jacob and Bella studying on the floor. Rather, as he glances over at the sofa, he finds Bella sitting there with her head and body leaned far back against the frame, as Jacob's body is turned into her. His arms are on either side of her, forming a cage of sorts as his hands rest on the back of the sofa. Jacob's head is tilted into Bella's, and Charlie is momentarily mortified to realize he's just walked in on his teenaged daughter's make out session. Charlie clears his throat, alerting Bella and Jacob to his presence, and Bella quickly pushes Jacob away, turning bright red at the sight of her father. Jacob, on the other hand, turns to face Charlie, and Charlie is slightly shocked at the cocky wide grin the boy gives him. Instantly, Charlie has a vision of Bella just a year before this moment, and as he compares that Bella to the one sitting on the sofa making out with her boyfriend, he cannot find it in him to be upset. Bella is healthy now. Bella seems finally…happy again. And any initial anger he may have felt at the sight before him disappears. His last thought as he walks into the kitchen is gratitude that Bella is once again a normal teenager. _

Earlier today, in Bella's little store, I'd imagined just such a scene between Bella and the dog. The imagined image had made me sick to my stomach. Watching the real life scene play out in Charlie's memories was one thousand times worse.

These memories had all flashed through Charlie's minds in less than 10 seconds. Charlie now continued verbally berating me with praises for the dog.

"They've been together for a long while now, and he loves her the way she deserves to be loved. The way you obviously never could. It may not be the intense relationship you two seemed to have, but more important than intensity, it's real. It's something they can build a future on."

I couldn't help what I said next. It went against what I'd come here for, to try to make some sort of peace with Charlie. But seeing as that plan was obviously out the door, and seeing as he was purposely goading me with all this talk of how good the wolf was for Bella, the words just popped out of my mouth without thinking.

"She eventually grew to love him?" I questioned in a flip tone. "For someone who just described in such romantic terms his own feelings at falling in love, you must see how flat those words just sounded." I replied a bit more forcefully than I'd intended.

"Love isn't something that just happens from one second to the next Edward, like in fairy tales" Charlie scoffed. "It's something you build on, it's something you work on. It's built on trust and commitment."

"Bella was very young when she met you" he continued in a tone like he was trying to explain an obvious fact to me. "She was inexperienced and naïve. What she thought was love was merely a teenaged crush. We all have them at some point in our youth. That heartbreak that feels like it's never gonna end, that feels like your entire world has stopped. But we get over it and are all the stronger and wiser for it."

"With all due respect sir," I replied pointedly "please do not trivialize what Bella and I had together as merely a teenaged crush. Bella and I were friends, first and foremost. We had respect, we had respect, we had commitment, yet we also managed to have the kind of love you read about in fairy tales. We did not have to work on falling love" I finished intently.

"Yet, somehow with all that, you were still able to leave her without a second glance" Charlie challenged.

"It wasn't as easy as it may have seemed to everyone on the outside."

"Well congratulations on being so strong. I'm sure it speaks a lot for your character." he mocked.

I exhaled in frustration. This was getting us nowhere. I did not want to argue with Bella's father.

"Sir, this isn't what I came for. I didn't come to argue with you."

"Then what did you come for Edward?" he asked sounding frustrated. "Not just to my house, but to Forks? Yes, I heard from the rumor mill today that your family's back in town for the summer, but what are _you_ here for? After the disaster you left behind when you left, why do you have the nerve to show your face around here again? And why are you here in my house, with your useless apologies, and getting all riled up at my daughter's plans? It shouldn't matter to you anymore! None of it should! It's none of your concern any more. So _why_ are you here?"

"I'm here because it does matter to me, because I care for her" I swallowed audibly, resentful at not being able to express just how much it mattered, how much I cared.

"I'm here because I want only the best for her."

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me, pursing his lips as if he'd just figured out the answers to his own questions.

"You're not going to fool her again!" he hissed menacingly. "I won't allow it this time!"

"That's not my intention sir" I answered as calmly and respectfully as possible.

"Regardless of what your intentions are or are not, it doesn't matter! She loves Jacob and Jacob loves her!" He paused for a few seconds, daring me to defy his statement.

"She's going to marry him."

He stared at me smugly now, watching to make sure his words had the effect desired.

I stared back at him, aghast at his words, and bewildered beyond logical comprehension. My mind was willing me to understand the words, but I fought against it, as if my survival depended on me not understanding the words Charlie had just scornfully thrown at me.

"What?" I managed to choke out, unable to form a more coherent sentence.

"He's planning on asking her soon. He asked me for her hand a couple of weeks ago, and I happily agreed to it. He's a great young man, and I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. He makes her happy, he respects her and he loves her unconditionally. That's all I can ask for." The pride he clearly displayed at his clear choice for a son cut through me like a sword.

Charlie was pulling out all the stops now, knowing each word had the potential to undo me. Charlie was no fool. He had clearly seen through my façade. He could see that there were things I wasn't telling him. And he knew that Bella mattered to me infinitely more than I was willing to let on. But Charlie no longer trusted me. I'd hurt her too deeply for him to be able to forgive. And all he could think as he looked at me was how what I was now offering was too little, too late.

An image flashed in his mind of himself and the dog sitting in this very living room, a beer in each one's hand, both of them yelling at the TV screen. In the next image, I vaguely made out the dog's words to Charlie.

"…_love her Charlie…ask…marry me…"_

I felt Charlie's unbound joy at hearing Jacob's request, and a sharp stab of pain hit me as I recalled how I'd once daydreamed of being the one to ask for his daughter's hand, and how I'd wished for just such a reaction as the one he'd had to the dog's request.

I found myself unable to breathe, and as unnecessary as the action was for me, it felt extremely uncomfortable. I wondered if Alice knew about this; if this had been part of her and Bella's talk that she'd kept from me, and if this was why she hadn't wanted me to come here today.

'_You're just setting yourself up for more dissapointment' she'd said._

'_How much more disappointment can there be for me?' I'd asked. _

Apparently, the Universe hated me a lot more than I'd thought.

I had to put my hand on the back of the sofa to steady myself before addressing Charlie again.

"How do you know she'll accept?" I asked him, my voice trembling slightly.

Charlie eyed me warily, distrust the dominant feature on his face, among many unpleasant ones.

"Why wouldn't she?" he responded matter-of-factly. "He loves her, and she loves him. It's the logical option."

"She should have many other options. She deserves other options."

"I don't know what you came back for Edward, but don't you dare try to ruin this for her!" he demanded. "She deserves happiness. She's a good girl! She deserves the best from life!"

"I know that Charlie. I know she deserves the best" I replied evenly.

"And what, now you think you're it? You think _you're_ what she deserves?"

"I didn't say that Charlie. But I don't think the d-", I paused, taking a deep breath as I chose my words. "I don't think Jacob is what's best for her either."

"What right do you have to judge Jake? You don't even know him!"

"I know more than you think. More than you may, perhaps. And she deserves better."

"What the hell does that mean? What do you think you know? I've known that kid since he was born! His dad's been my best friend for longer than you've been alive!" I had to resist the urge to chuckle at that one. "I know all there is to know about him and his family, so don't you come now and try to make trouble for him. I won't allow it!"

"There are things you may not be aware of Charlie-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Now you listen to me you arrogant little prick". His voice was menacing, and I fought the urge to cringe at the anger in them. Not because of fear; his anger did not frighten me. My basic instincts as a vampire made that impossible. Rather, they filled me with a deep sadness, that this man that I respected so wholly, that was so important in the life of the most important person in _my_ life, clearly despised me so. As much as I knew I deserved every ounce of hostility emanating from Charlie, I couldn't help wishing it wasn't so.

"You think you can just march back into Bella's life after all this time, and start spewing all this garbage about Jake? Well I won't allow it, you hear me? You think because of your refined speech and pretty boy looks you're better than Jake?"

"Sir, I don't think either one of us is good enough for Bella."

"Well, you got that much right! But if I've gotta pick, I'll go with Jacob any day! You keep your baseless opinions on Jake to yourself, or so help me God young man, I _will _make this the worst summer of your life. You do not want to mess with the Police Chief!"

Charlie was breathing hard now, his nostrils flared in anger. I stared at him, shocked, unbelieving he'd just _threatened_ me! His threats were baseless; I could read the shame in his thoughts at having gone as far as having threatened somebody with his position. Yet it distressed me greatly to realize how much this night had strayed from what I'd hoped for.

I realized that once again, Alice had been correct. No good had come of my decision to come speak to Charlie. If anything, the man hated me even more now. He saw my attempt at penance as arrogance. An arrogant belief that he'd actually forgive me. That my attempt at an apology was born of some belief that I was beyond reproach. He was so unbelievably wrong, but he would never see that.

I looked around the living room sadly, as Charlie glared at me with open hositility. I realized that this was probably the last time I'd ever be in here. My eyes rested fleetingly on the mantel over the fireplace, and I was now able to see the picture up there that had initially escaped my attention as I'd entered nervously into the room. Most of the picures I recognized; they'd been there for years. Pictures of Bella as a baby, as a toddler, in elementary school, as a preteen. The last few pictures, however, were new.

The first was Bella's high school graduation picture. It was the typical pose for female high school grads; black cape draped loosely against her shoulders as she held a red rose across her chest. Bella dutifully smiled in the picture, but as beautiful as she looked, the smile obviously did not reach her brown eyes.

The next picture was of Bella at what appeared to be the dog's high school graduation, based on the cap and gown he was wearing. In this picture, the dog was standing behind Bella, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as he rested his head on her shoulder. Bella's head was slightly tilted in his direction, and the smile she wore in this picture looked a lot more genuine than in her own graduation picture.

The final picture was around Christmas, obviously the most recent Christmas as Bella appeared the same as she did now. Bella was wearing a festive red sweater, and looking happy on the dog's lap, as he sat on the very sofa I was holding on to. The dog wore the same maddening grin that seemed to be his trademark, as he held a piece of mistletoe playfully over Bella's head, and Bella laughed very genuinely.

I turned away quickly from the pictures, mentally exhausted by the constant reminders of his presence in her life, and not being able to deny that the dog appeared to make Bella happy. And this knowledge made it harder for me to hate him. Because it was almost impossible to hate anyone that made Bella happy. Almost impossible, but not quite.

I turned to face Charlie again, who stood watching me take in the pictures of his daughter and the boy he was ready to call his son. For a second, I thought I saw something that looked like pity flash through his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come, and then his mind only reflected a strong desire for me to leave. I was ready to oblige him now.

"I'll leave now sir" I answered his unspoken request. I would leave him to his baseball game; to his much deserved relaxation after a long day as the town's police chief. But before I left, I could not restrain myself from clearing one thing up with him.

"Before I do though, I'd just like to say one thing, with all due respect."

"When I first arrived tonight, you spoke to me about loving someone with all your heart and soul; willing to sacrifice the entire world for that person."

Charlie arched an eyebrow at me, wondering where I was going with this.

"I'd just like you to know that I have loved someone like that; with a love that defied everything; who I was, what I was, and what I knew to be right and wrong. A love that made every sacrifice worthwhile."

Charlie inhaled deeply, knowing full well who I spoke of, but refusing to admit it to me, or to himself.

"I therefore not only understand, but completely agree with your refusal to accept my apology."

Charlie looked at me surprised, not expecting what I'd just said.

"As I said before" I reminded him, "I didn't come expecting your forgiveness, but rather because I felt it was the right thing to do."

"Edward-" he began.

"Let me finish please sir."

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me, his lips were a tight line, allowing me to finish.

"Like you, I would not be able to forgive someone who hurt that loved one so deeply" I continued. "But unlike you at the time, I am in a position now to be able to see the danger that loved one is in, and I _will not_" I stressed vehemently "let it happen. I _will not_ wait until that loved one is hurt, and be powerless to do anything more than deny the one to blame forgiveness."

I walked over to the front door now, opening it up as Charlie walked slowly behind me, warily. I turned to face him one last time.

"I _will_ protect my loved one from danger, at _all_ costs." I vowed. "Even if it means I have to sacrifice the whole damned Universe to do so!"

And with that, I slowly walked out of Charlie Swan's house.

**So sad. But I'm a parent, and even though my kid's are no where near the age where they'll get there hearts broken, I can empathize with Charlie. The very thought of someone hurting my daughter the way Edward hurt Bella twists my heart. The quietest parent becomes a hawk at the thought of there child being hurt. Even though Edward had good intentions, Charlie has no idea what those intentions were. To him, Edward just dumped Bella. And even though Charlie can tell Edward still loves Bella, he can't trust her to him right now, if ever. So this was supposed to be part of the previous chapter, but as you can see, it ended up growing a lot more than I'd expected it to!**

**Next chapter, we will have the much anticipated Edward/Jacob face-off! Eeek! I'm nervous just thinking about it! It will start off with Bella's POV, but I may have to change it to Edward's in between. Let me know if you guys would be okay with that, or if you prefer each chapter be from a single person's POV.**

**Reviews make the updates come quicker. So if you're enjoying the story, please and thank you for a review!**


	12. Chapter 13 Confrontations

**A/N: Hi all! I've got a few bits of news. Some good, some maybe not so good.**

**First, for the good news. I've found myself lucky enough to have not just one, but two betas helping me review this story now! Shouts go out to Danna0724 and Adgroovy. Thanks girls, for helping me improve on this story, both with my grammar and punctuation, as well as keeping the story line straight!**

**Now, for the bad news. Um, I know I promised last chapter that the next chapter would be the Edward/Jacob face-off, but as I started writing, so much more started happening than I'd expected! So the big face-off had to wait! Sorry! **

**And finally, some more good news, if you guys can keep from throwing rocks at me! There will be two more chapters posted in the next couple of days after this one. Yes, like I said, the story just kept growing and growing.**

**Hope you guys enjoy!**

**As usual, these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just prolonging their suffering.**

**Chapter 13 – Confrontations**

_The really difficult moral issues arise, not from a confrontation between good and evil, but from a collision between two goods. – Irving Kristol_

**Bella**

I drove down to La Push in a daze. I'd taken this drive plenty of times before; it didn't really require much concentration, which was a good thing. I could barely focus on the winding roads ahead of me. The soft rain falling on my rooftop provided me with a much needed lull in thought. I concentrated on the sound the drops made as they hit the roof -_tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_- as well as on the swishing noise of the windshield wipers on my windshield –_squeak, back, squeak, back, squeak, back_ – trying to shut my mind from both what I'd just experienced a little while ago, as well as what I was pretty sure I'd have to face once I reached my destination tonight.

Up until about ten minutes ago, I'd spent every second since the moment Edward and his family left the store reliving the instant I'd landed in his arms. I could still feel the cool marble of his shoulders as I'd instinctively reached up to him when I fell. Even after he'd left, I could still smell the sweet scent that came off of him, and I'd felt the need to continually inhale deeply every few minutes, to be able to catch his scent again and prove to myself that this hadn't all just been one long, weird dream.

Gabby had been pretty quiet at first after the Cullens left, and, while I'd wondered what she'd been thinking, I'd been too lost in my own thoughts. I'd stood there behind the counter, cleaning the same spot on the corner over and over again, without seeing or hearing anything other than Edward's golden eyes and velvety voice in my mind, until the moment Gabby had cleared her throat and finally spoken.

"So…" Gabby started, staring at me intently. "That was him, huh?"

I snapped back to reality and looked at her.

"Him, who?"

Gabby and I hadn't known each other very long, but I felt comfortable with her. In many ways, we were a lot alike. Both of us were only children, and we both came from divorced parents. We were both quiet people, not involved with the party scene that sometimes accompanied college life, which was one of the reasons we'd clicked so well initially. We'd been thrown together with a few other people for a project in our Public Relations class, and while the other three in our group barely had time to do the required work or get together for scheduled progress meetings, she and I were always there, always ready to get down to business. We'd both ended up picking up most of the slack on the project while the rest of our team members were busy with other social activities, but by that point, neither one of us had minded. We'd gotten to know each other well and probably enjoyed the project more than we would have otherwise. We probably also got a better grade than we would have had the rest of the team members been as involved.

Physically though, we were very different. Gabby was tall and blonde, with eyes as blue as the sky. She had those girl next door looks, pretty, yet comfortable. Not like she'd stood in front of the mirror for an hour before stepping out. She looked relaxed, and in turn, being around her relaxed me.

Nevertheless, as comfortable as I felt with Gabby, her question had still taken me by surprise. I'd never discussed Edward with her.

"Bella" Gabby said gently. "_Him. The one_. The one that broke your heart."

I looked down at the floor and exhaled loudly. "Am I that transparent?"

Gabby chuckled "No, you're not" she lied kindly. "Just a lucky guess"

I pursed my lips "Yeah right"

"Well, if it makes you feel better, it was actually his actions that gave it away more than yours" she offered.

I shot a curious look at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well" she paused, leaning in to me to whisper conspiratorially "when you were in the back before? Making a call? He couldn't keep his eyes off the back room! And he looked…intense, to say the least! Like it was taking all his willpower to keep himself from running back there and grabbing you or something. I mean, he looked…intense, to say the least!"

I realized in that instant that Edward, along with the rest of his family, had probably heard my entire conversation with Jake. Of course. How could I have forgotten the Cullens' super hearing? But now Gabby's mistake made sense. It was his instinctive hatred for werewolves that had made him look intense, rather than any intense feelings towards me.

"Gabby, believe me, that has more to do with his dislike of who I was on the phone with rather than any feelings for me."

"Jake?" she asked.

"Yeah".

"So tell me what other reason besides jealousy he'd have to dislike your boyfriend?" she questioned.

"It's a really long story".

Gabby looked at me quizzically. She opened her mouth as if to ask something, but then seemed to change her mind.

"Well, if you want someone to talk to about it, I'm here. And if you'd rather not talk about it, that's fine too" she added considerately.

Part of me did want to talk about it, at least as much as I could, but not yet. Not with Gabby. Not even with Alice. Gabby's mention of the phone call I'd been on earlier reminded me that in my euphoric haze at having the Cullens back in my life, I'd once again neglected something of significant importance.

Jake. Jake. Jake.

I was overcome by a severe pang of guilt as an image of a smiling Jake took its place front and center. It reminded me that I had to go tell him about the Cullens before he heard the news from someone else.

In a brief moment of clarity, before my euphoria overtook me again, I straightened up and reached quickly for my bag.

"Gabs, would you mind locking up for me?" I asked as I threw her the keys to the store. "There's something I have to take care of right now. I positioned my messenger bag over my shoulder and dug around for my car keys.

Understanding flooded Gabby's face, and she smiled at me encouragingly.

"This is gonna cause problems for you?" she asked sympathetically. I stopped searching for my keys for a few seconds as I stared back at her, unsure of the answer.

"I really hope not. There's no reason why there should be."

"Thanks for this" I said, motioning to the empty space in front of me.

"No problem" Gabby answered earnestly. "You know I'm glad to help".

I turned back around and walked out of the store.

I pulled into the little house in La Push about 15 minutes later. Jake was waiting for me inside the house. I walked out of the car and slowly made my way to the front door, my heart picking up pace with each step I took.

I wasn't scared of Jake. I could never be scared of him. In all the years I'd been with him, Jake had never tried to hurt me, in any way. Sure, we argued sometimes, as all normal couples do, but as angry as we'd get at each other, Jake was always in control of himself.

Of all the wolves, Jake had always had the best control. His anger would be palpable sometimes, and I'd seen him go as far as start trembling on a few occasions, one being yesterday when I told him I'd seen Alice. But the trembling was as far as Jacob would ever let it get in front of me, and then I would back away. Not because I was frightened, or because I thought he would hurt me. Rather because I didn't like seeing Jake that upset. He was my sunshine. His wide grin was what had kept me afloat at first, when he and I had first started hanging out. It felt unnatural to me to see him angry. Anger did not suit him. So on the rare occasions when I would see him that upset, my first instinct was always to change it.

Oh, he had a temper. I knew that. And he could be deadly when necessary. During the time he and the pack had hunted Victoria, I'd seen Jake's deadly side. I'd seen the other Jake, the one he was for Sam and the pack. The tough werewolf, the second in command. But that was not my Jake. My Jake was happy, constantly joking, constantly smiling, and always bringing sunshine into my life. Angry Jake was not mine. But as I knocked on the door tonight, I was pretty sure that even if Angry Jake was not the one who would answer now, he would be making an appearance at some point tonight.

Jake threw the door open with a wide grin. He pulled me into his arms in a tight embrace, kissing my neck and mumbling "I missed you" into my ear. I closed my eyes as I felt his warmth envelop me, and for an instant I recalled the feel of landing in Edward's arms again. Although not as warm, the heat that had coursed through my body in that instant felt like flames wrapping themselves around me. And in that moment, I'd felt safer than I'd felt at any point in over four years.

I gasped as I felt the red heat rush to my face. I was overwhelmed by shame at thinking of Edward while here in Jake's arms. '_STOP!'_ I yelled at myself. _'You are here with Jake! You belong here with Jake!_

Jake heard my gasp and moved his head to look at me. I tried to compose my features, willing my heart to slow down and my face to return to its normal color. Jake frowned at me.

"Bella, you okay?" he asked as he pulled me into his little living room.

I hesitated for half a second before answering. "Yeah. I'm fine Jake" I lied, knowing as I said it that he'd see right through the lie; I had never been a good liar. I realized how little it mattered whether he saw through my lie or not, because he'd know the truth in a few minutes anyway.

If he picked up on my hesitance, he didn't let it show.

We walked into the kitchen, where Jake pulled out two soda cans from the fridge, opened them and handed me one. We stood across from each other, Jake staring at me pensively, as he leaned against the counter with a small smile on his lips, while I senselessly avoided his gaze.

Jake gave a small chuckle and stretched out an arm to pull me to him. He gently tugged me by the waist and brought me closer, hugging me to him with his one arm, as he held his soda in the other hand. I rested my head on his chest, desperately trying to work up the courage to speak, and trying to figure out what exactly I was going to say.

Jake let out a sigh, his arm still around my waist.

"You _are_ still upset at me, aren't you?" he questioned. His tone sounded amused though, rather than upset.

"No, Jake" I answered, my head still buried in his chest, hiding my face. "I told you over the phone that I wasn't".

Jake gently pushed me away, enough so that I had to pick my head up. He set his soda can down on the counter, and used his thumb to coax my chin up to face him. He smiled down at me slyly, and my heart broke, because although he knew me well enough to know that something was up, he had absolutely no idea what it was.

"Yeah, well. I know what you said, but I know you Bells. Something's wrong". He looked at me lovingly, his dark eyes melting into mine; and it hurt so much to have him look at me like that, that I had to turn away from his gaze, and stare at the refrigerator instead.

Jake mistook my discomfort for anger, and chuckled gently again.

"Yeah, see? I told you. I knew you were still pissed" he laughed.

"Jake, I-"

"Bella, look at me" he interrupted, and I forced myself to look at him again. He was still smiling, completely unaware of what I needed to tell him.

"I said I was sorry, and I meant it" he repeated lightly. I knew he meant it. Yet I knew that as sorry as he was that we'd ended up arguing yesterday, his belief that he'd never have to deal with Alice or any of the rest of the Cullens again played a large part in his ability to be able to feel remorse. How sorry would he be once I told him of their return?

"Now can we please drop this and go enjoy the rest of the evening? Billy's out and I'd like to spend some quality time with my girlfriend". He gingerly led me back to the living room by my arm.

"Jake wait" I tried to argue. "We really need to talk. I-"

"Sshh" he hushed me, placing one finger over my lips as he sat down and pulled me down on his lap sideways. "Kiss now, talk later" he grinned suggestively.

"Jake, no!" I insisted, a bit more forcefully now. Jake's smile suddenly faded, as he realized I was serious. "We need to talk. Now" I continued, getting off his lap and standing in front of him. Jake looked up at me confused.

"Alright Bells. Let's talk then". He patted the seat next to him, motioning for me to sit there. I sat down next to him as we both turned to face each other. "Sorry. I guess I didn't notice how upset you were" he confessed.

"No, it's okay. I just really need to talk to you about something that happened today" I said nervously now, knowing there was no putting it off anymore.

"Sure. Go ahead. Shoot" he encouraged, giving me another smile as he picked up both of my hands in between his two huge ones. The warmth should have been comforting, but instead it made me more uneasy.

"Well, today while I was in the store-"

I didn't get a chance to continue. A loud banging rocked the front door.

"Jake! Open up man! It's me!" came a loud voice from the other side of the door.

I immediately recognized the voice as belonging to Paul, one of Jake's pack brothers, and definitely my least favorite one at that. Paul and I had always had an unspoken understanding. You stay away from me, and I'll stay away from you. He had never been able to "forgive" me for my relationship with Edward and the rest of the Cullens, even though that had occurred long before Jake and I became a couple. When I'd first found out that Jake and his friends were werewolves, Paul had even tried to attack me. Jake had phased instantly and fought him off. Eventually, Jake forgave Paul, but warned him to stay away from me. Nevertheless, the animosity between us remained. I was pretty sure that the only thing that kept him from attacking again was his fear of Jake. Jake was the strongest of all the wolves, including Sam.

Jake grimaced at the sound of Paul's voice, and let out a growl. He quickly let go of my hands and stood up to open the door, grumbling "this better be important" on his way. I sighed and closed my eyes in exasperation.

As soon as Jake opened the door, Paul rushed in, a sneer on his face when he caught sight of me. He ignored me then and turned back to face Jake.

"Jake, we've got big problems man. Jared and I were in the woods near town today, and…"

I barely even heard the rest of Paul's sentence. As soon as he mentioned being in town, I knew. I knew he knew about the Cullens. What else could be the big problem?

Of all the people besides myself who could have told Jake about the Cullens' return, Paul was definitely the worst. Paul, who hated me, who hated the Cullens, and who would do his best to get Jake riled up and infuriated.

I'd wanted to be the one to tell Jake, in my own way. I wanted to calm him down first, and gently explain to him that this was not a problem. That the Cullens would only be here for the summer. That there was no danger to Forks, or La Push, or anyone else. This was not a wolf problem. There was nothing for him to discuss with Paul. I stood up quickly, cutting Paul off.

"Jake, wait! I need to talk to you first!"

Paul glared at me and continued talking to Jake, as if I weren't even there.

"Jake, we smelled them man! We smelled them as we ran through the woods close to town. It's more of them than before!"

Jake looked at me, but then quickly looked back at Paul, deciding that whatever Paul was getting at sounded much more urgent than whatever I needed to speak to him about.

"What are you talking about Paul? What did you smell?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"The Parasites!" Paul hissed. "Vampires! Lots of them this time!"

I sank back down onto the sofa, closing my eyes in defeat.

Jake was agonizingly silent for what seemed like an eternity, and when I opened my eyes back up I saw him staring at Paul in disbelief. Then slowly, he turned to face me, and while I expected him to glare down at me accusingly, finally understanding what I'd wanted to speak to him about, all I saw in his eyes was concern. Concern for me. And I felt agonizingly guiltier.

He faced Paul again. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice hard.

"Yeah, I'm sure man! I can smell a leech from 10 miles away! The stench was overpowering! Ask Jared if you don't believe me!"

"Jake…" I called, and he turned to face me again, his face twisted in fury, but as soon as he saw me, the look of concern overcame him again.

He didn't understand yet. He was _scared_ for me. He still hadn't grasped that these were the Cullens. Of course he wouldn't have. What would give him cause to think that they'd returned?

"Jake, please listen! I-"

I had to explain this to him. I had to make him understand before this spiraled out of control.

"Bella" he interrupted before I could continue. His voice sounded urgent. "Bells, come on hon" he urged, walking quickly to me and pulling me up from the sofa with both hands. "We have to go". He led me to the door anxiously.

"Paul" he commanded. "Tell the rest. Let's meet at Sam's" he instructed.

"Already done" Paul answered him.

Then I heard the howls outside. The call they all recognized as meaning an urgent meeting was in order.

"Jared phased" Paul explained. "Sam's already been informed. He's waiting for us at his house. The pack's ready". He sounded excited.

I stopped dead in my tracks. It had already spiraled out of control. I was too late.

Jake tried to pull me along, tugging at me harder. "Bella come on! We have to go now! You can't be alone! You'll stay at Sam and Emily's while the rest of us go find-"

"Jake stop!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Both he and Paul stopped and glared at me. Jake looked at me in total confusion.

"Listen to me! It's okay! There's nothing to worry about. There's nothing for the pack to meet over!"

"What? What are you talking about? Did you just hear Paul? There are vamps back in town! Now come on, we've gotta hurry!" He tried to pull me out the door again.

"No!" I yelled loudly again, as I tried in vain to stay rooted to the spot I was in. "Listen to me!" I yelled as Jake dragged me out. "This is what I was trying to tell you Jake!" Jake looked back at me impatiently, still dragging. I took a deep breath and blurted it out.

"It's the Cullens Jake! The Cullens are in Forks!"

They both froze in their places, Paul's lip coming up in a snarl as Jake dropped my hand. His eyes grew wide as he took in what I'd said.

"What?" Jake asked again, even though he'd heard me perfectly.

"It's just the Cullens" I tried to reason. "They're in Forks for the summer. That's all." I tried to make my voice sound calm.

Jake just stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. His face was a complete blank. The concern and anxiety that had been there before totally gone. Yet there was no anger there either. There was nothing to indicate what was going through his mind. And that blankness terrified me all the more.

Paul was the first to break the silence.

"I should've known! I should've known you had something to do with this!" he snarled at me. For all the terrifying blankness on Jacob's features, Paul was the complete opposite. The look of hate and disgust clear on his face as he glared at me menacingly.

"Freakin' leach lover!" Paul spat at me. "Shoulda known this would lead to you somehow! It always does! You're nothing but a-"

"Paul, Enough!" Jacob roared, turning to face him. "You speak to Bella like that again, and I'll tear you apart myself!" he growled. Paul stopped his insults, but he continued to glare at me with a look that made it obvious his hatred for me equaled that of his hatred for vampires.

Jake turned to face me again, but this time, the anger that I hated seeing on his face was there. He was breathing hard, and his hands were shaking. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he accused.

"I tried Jake. I've been trying to tell you since I got here! But it doesn't matter anyway! It's not a big deal" I pleaded.

Jake ignored my pleas.

"How long have they been here?" he asked. His voice sounded oddly cold and withdrawn.

"They got in last night." I answered quietly.

"Did you see them?"

"Yes"

"When?"

I felt like I was being interrogated by a stranger.

"Today" I answered.

"They came to your house?"

"No, they came to the store while I was cleaning up."

Jake paused for a few of seconds. Something in his cold glare seemed to shift, and for an instant I thought I saw something like fear flash through his dark brown eyes.

"All of them?"

Now it was my turn to pause. I knew what he was getting at, but I wasn't going to lie. I wanted to be honest with him so that he'd see there was nothing to be concerned about. I would never lie to him.

"Yes." I answered simply.

Jake acknowledged my answer with a slow nod. His lips were set in a tight line. His body was rigid, the barely perceptible shaking still present. His eyes stared at me unblinking.

And I hated seeing him like this. This was not my Jake. This was the pack's Jake. Protector. Enforcer. And when necessary, killer.

"Jake, please" I reached out to take his hand, and he recoiled from me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paul lower his head with a wry smirk on his face, enjoying Jake's shock and his rejection of my touch. I held back a sob at Jake's cold rebuff. Not for my benefit; I had no problem letting Jake see how much his refusal hurt me. But I would not let Paul see me cry. I put my hands down to my side and tried to speak to Jake again, trying to ignore Paul and his sneers.

"Jake, it's just the Cullens. You and the pack can relax. There are no dangerous vampires running around Forks or La Push". I tried to appeal to his sense as protector of the tribe, hoping that the knowledge that there was no danger would help calm him.

Paul's head snapped back up at my comment. He glared at me incredulously.

"There are no dangerous vampires?" he snapped. "Are you freakin' kidding? Jake, bro, tell me you're not buying this crap!"

"They are not dangerous!" I shouted back, completely ignoring the way Paul's body seemed to inch towards me -his own trembling matching Jake's- fighting his urge to pounce.

"Bella!" Jake barked, and I turned my attention back to him, startled at the tone in his voice. "Whether they are Cullens or not doesn't change anything! They're still vampires, and it's still our jobs as protectors of the tribe to defend against them and any other threat to our people.

"Jake, they're not a threat!"

"That's not for you to decide! This is a pack decision, not yours!"

He motioned to the door with his head. "Now let's go! Sam's waiting!"

"No Jake!" I implored him. "Call Sam. Tell him the pack doesn't need to meet anymore. There is _no_ danger!"

Jake stood next to Paul now, both men towering over me, muscles bulging out of their shirts, dark menacing eyes, and both with a slight shake of their hands. It pained me to see how much Jake looked like Paul in this instant, because I knew that deep inside, Jake was nothing like Paul. This Jake was not the real Jake; he had been born of his belief that he had to protect his loved ones from all dangers. Whereas the Paul standing here was the real Paul, and he did not accept his responsibility as a werewolf out of a desire to protect, rather out of a desire to hurt, to hunt. Paul lived for the excitement of the kill.

I saw in his eyes that Jake was trying to quickly deliberate whether the Cullens truly posed a threat as vampires, or whether this whole emergency meeting should be called off. Holding my breath in anticipation of his decision, I saw as Paul glared at him, his arms crossed on his chest, willing Jake to make the decision that would allow him to act on his killer instincts.

After what felt like an eternity, but was in reality no more than a few seconds, Jake made his decision. He turned to Paul again and nodded, and I let out the breath I'd been holding in a large gush, lowering my head in defeat.

As I stood there waiting for Jake and Paul to leave, wondering what to do next, Jake turned back to me.

"Bella, let's go" he ordered in a flat voice. "You're coming with us."

"What? Why?" I asked, and I could see by the look on Paul's face that he was wondering the same thing.

"Sam needs to know what you know" he replied in a monotone voice.

"What I know? All I know is what I told you! They're here for the summer. That's all! There is nothing else to tell! There is nothing else to know!"

"Let's go Bella" Jake repeated calmly.

"No!" I shouted now. "I'm not going! I've got nothing else to say to the pack!"

"Yes, Bella. You will go" Jake spoke in a monotone voice. "You'll go because you'll be the only one there who doesn't want to see the Cullens" – he spat the name out like it was poison – "dead. And the only one who can convince Sam otherwise."

Paul flashed a look of fury at Jake, but Jake ignored him. And as much as I wanted to leave, to leave this house, to leave La Push, to go home so I could figure out what my next move should be, I was trapped. I was trapped because Jake had just thrown me a liferope. There would be no stopping the wolves from attacking once Paul got to Sam's house and got everyone heated up more than they all probably were already. My only hope was to convince Sam, their leader, their Alpha, that attacking the Cullens would be unnecessary.

And Jake. I couldn't leave Jake this way. With this cold, blank look he had again now. He wouldn't even meet my gaze. And I couldn't even imagine what was making him look that way. I knew that no matter what happened tonight, I had to find a way to get that blank look off of Jacob's face, and get him to smile again, the way he had been when I'd gotten here tonight.

The three of us rode to Sam and Emily's in silence. The only sound was that of Paul in the backseat, moving around restlessly. Anxious, I was sure, to get to the rest of the wolves and start spewing his hatred.

Jake looked straight ahead at the road the entire ride, never even sparing a glance in my direction. I wanted to reach out to him, to take his big warm hand in mine, to ask him what he was thinking, why he was so mad. True, the Cullens were vampires, but they were good vampires. And deep inside Jake knew that. That was why he'd asked me to come with him and speak to Sam. I had to believe Jake didn't really want to attack the Cullens. He had to know they didn't pose any threat to the people of La Push or Forks.

But I said nothing, and stared straight ahead too, watching as the trees flew by us at dizzying speed, and listening as the wheels screeched loudly every time Jake took a bend in the road too sharply, in his haste to get to the pack.

When we walked into Sam and Emily's house, the rest of the pack had already assembled and were waiting for Jake and Paul, the only one's still missing.

Paul walked in in front of us and immediately went to Sam, who was standing against the wall in the little living room; the rest of the pack were either standing around or sitting. Paul stood on Sam's left side. Jake walked straight to Sam's right side; his place as Sam's second in command. I started to follow him but then paused halfway.

Although I'd been present during some of the pack's meetings in the past, I'd never stayed in the same room. Usually I watched them from the adjoining kitchen, sitting at Emily's small table, helping her prepare whatever after-meeting smorgasborg she prepared for them. Tonight though, I got the feeling my participation in the event would be a bit more vocal, but nevertheless, I couldn't get myself to walk into the living room where the pack was gathered. I was too intimidated by the looks I was already getting from the pack at my obvious confusion as to where my place was. I looked to Jake for some sort of sign, some sort of acknowledgement at whether I should go stand with him, but his face showed nothing. He stared at me blankly, giving me no instruction, showing me no encouragement nor any opposition to guide me. My heart painfully contracted at the emptiness in his stare, and I couldn't even imagine what he was thinking. I turned quietly and went to stand at the threshold, in between the living room and kitchen. That was as far as I would go. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emily give me a curious glance from the kitchen table, wondering why I hadn't joined her. And Sam calmly took in the exchange, or lack thereof, that was taking place between Jake and I, but made no mention of it as he started the meeting.

"Paul, Jake…Bella" he looked at me pointedly and everyone in the room stopped talking as soon as he started "we've been waiting for you. We've got some serious issues to discuss" Sam stated in a quiet yet commanding tone.

"It seems we may have some vampires in town" Sam continued, looking around the room. No one said anything, which meant they'd all already been filled in on this much.

My heart started racing again. I wondered if I should speak up now, before this meeting went any further, and just let them know that the Vampires were the Cullens. I wondered if that bit of information would be enough to dispel this unnecessary assembly. If they'd remember that a treaty had once been formed with this family, and that there was no reason to fear them.

"Sam" I started, my voice grainy, my heart beating loudly in my chest. I could feel it's pounding in my throat. Paul interrupted me before I could say anything else.

"Sam, tell the leech-lover she's not part of this meeting!" Paul growled. He then turned his hateful glare at me "Go on, get outta here, you're not one of us!" he hissed.

Jake turned his full body to face Paul, who was only inches from him. Although all the Quileute boys were quite tall, Jake was the tallest, and he looked down at Paul, with only Sam in between them. The empty look left Jake's face and a murderous glare took over.

"I warned you never to speak to her like that again" Jake spoke in a low voice through clenched teeth, and the fact that he hadn't raised his voice made the threat even more deadly. Paul turned his angry glare at Jake, both men facing each other in fury now.

Sam quickly put an arm on each man's chest, keeping them from getting any closer to each other.

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Sam asked frustrated. "We're not here to fight among ourselves tonight, we've got bigger problems to deal with! Save your energy for the vampires!"

Paul turned back to me and smiled coldly "Sounds like a good idea to me" he scowled. Jake said nothing as he continued to glare at Paul.

"Sam wait!" I spoke up again, ignoring Paul's black look. "There's something you should know, there's something you should all know" I continued, turning my gaze at all the Quileutes in the room now "before this meeting continues".

"There are vampires in town! That's all we need to know! Let's just get going and take care of business!" Paul snarled, also turning to everyone. The rest of the boys hollered and hooted, getting more worked up by the second. All except for Jake and Sam, who were now staring at each other intently. Sam narrowed his eyes in confusion at Jake's apparent detachment from the night's planned activities.

I took another quick look at them all. I noticed now something I'd failed to note as I'd walked in a few minutes ago. Every one of them wore the same expression on there face, including my she-wolf friend Leah. They all looked…anxious. Every single one of them seemed to be trembling slightly, and they all looked like they were having a hard time staying still. They had a look in there eyes that I didn't remember seeing in a long time, and as I thought back trying to remember when I'd seen it before, it hit me. It was the same look of anticipation and wild excitement that had been there when they'd hunted Laurent and Victoria. I realized with dread that it was the welcome prospect of killing some vampires that had each and every werewolf in this room on the edge of their seat.

And Paul's words were working them up to a fever pitch.

"Come on Sam, give the word!" Paul barked impatiently. "Let's go!" He very obviously wanted Sam to give the command to get going before I could get a chance to speak.

"Paul, wait!" Sam ordered, turning to face Paul with annoyance. "We have to discuss this first! Strategize and figure out exactly what we're up against!"

"There is nothing to discuss!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, and everyone in the house turned to look at me, surprised by my outburst. All except for Jake, who stared straight ahead, avoiding my gaze. His face was a tight expressionless mask again.

"There is nothing to discuss and there's nothing to strategize" I repeated in a lower voice once I saw I had everyone's attention. My face was burning bright, and my heart felt like it would jump out of my throat, but I knew I had to continue. I knew I had to make them all understand before all this got terribly out of control, and any of them ended up hurt. Over the years, I'd come to really care for most of the members of the pack, especially the Clearwater siblings, Seth and Leah.

Leah was about my age, and although she'd had a hard time accepting me when Jake and I first became a couple, we'd become friends. We never really hung out outside of the reservation, but I felt comfortable with her. And Seth. Seth sometimes felt like a little brother to me, and I could tell that he was fond of me too. He had to be the funniest guy on the reservation. And what made it even funnier was that it was unintentional. I felt very protective of him at times, and would always come to his defense when Jake or any of the other boys started teasing him. It would kill me if they ever got hurt.

Sam turned to face me, and then looked to Jake, who refused to meet his gaze, and then to Paul, who was glaring at me with pure hatred.

"Alright Bella" Sam spoke calmly. "You have our attention. What's going on?"

I took a deep breath as I addressed Sam. "Sam, the vampires in Forks, they're not dangerous" I began.

"And how would you know that?" Sam interrupted.

"It's just…they're…it's…the Cullens Sam". Audible gasps rose throughout the room. I glanced over at Jake, who was staring straight ahead with an unfathomable expression on his face, but his eyes reflected the sadness his features refused to. I yearned to go to him, to hold him and erase the blankness in his stare, the sadness deep in his eyes, but I was rooted to my spot at the threshold. I had to choose between comforting Jake, a comfort I wasn't even sure he would accept from me now, in front of all the pack, or stopping the insanity that was brewing here. In the end, I resolved that whatever was going on with Jake, we could both work out later. Right now, stopping the bloodshed that was threatening to spill in the Forks' forest was paramount.

I continued, looking only at Sam as I spoke. "The Cullens are back in Forks for the summer. They missed the mountains, the green forest, the Washington air. They'll be hunting wildlife, as they always have. It's _all_ they hunt. _They do not hunt humans_" I emphasized, to make sure that point was perfectly clear. I looked around the room, and saw the look of doubt and disbelief on most of the Quileute faces.

"It's true!" I stressed. "Your elders made a treaty with them, long ago, the first time they were here. They recognized that the Cullens were a peaceful family, and they trusted them enough to make a treaty with them! There is nothing to fear from them!"

I stopped, not knowing what else to say to convince them, and hoping that what I'd said had been enough. At least enough to convince Sam, because as long as Sam believed, the rest had no choice but to follow. They were bound by their very nature to obey the Alpha's command.

Sam looked at me curiously. After a few seconds of silence, during which no one in the room made a noise – a fact that was very impressive considering the room was filled with rowdy teenage and twenty-something werewolves – Sam questioned me again.

"Are you sure it is only the Cullens that are in town?"

"I'm positive. I saw them today myself." Sam raised an eyebrow in surprise, glancing quickly at Jake. Gasps rose around the room again. I ignored them and focused only on Sam.

"And they claim they're only here to enjoy Forks for the summer?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes! They'll all be gone at the end of the summer! They can't stay here for long. It would make the people in town suspicious if they stayed too long again, without aging. They know that. They _will_ be leaving soon!" I repeated.

Sam stared at me with an unreadable expression. I had no idea what he was thinking. I had no idea if he believed that the Cullens meant no harm, that they'd only be here for a short while and then would leave, leaving everyone and everything behind…again. The thought of that final goodbye sent a shockwave of pain through my heart, but here and now, I could not allow myself to dwell on that. That would be a pain to deal with later. Right now, I had to try to keep everyone, vampire and werewolf alike, safe; at all costs; even if I had to beg right here in front of all these hostile werewolves.

"Please Sam" I begged, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. "Please, there's no need to attack. Everyone in town and on the reservation is safe. Please."

Sam looked at me indifferently and exhaled heavily. He pursed his lips and turned to Jake.

"Jake, you've been very quiet. What do you think?" he asked directly, crossing his arms in front of him. "Don't you have anything to say about this?" I could tell that his question was for more than just Jake's opinion on the possible attack. He was curious about how Jake felt regarding my defense of the Cullens. And my obvious contact with them today.

Jake was not the type to air our private business in public though. He was seething inside, I knew. But he would never willingly discuss our issues with the rest of the pack. Not like this, not in front of everyone, those for us and those against us. Because of his nature, because of what he was, eventually the entire pack would find out how Jake felt tonight. They would probably find out even better than I would. Because once Jake phased, they would see everything, and feel everything he did. But for now at least, Jake would keep our dirty laundry hidden.

I was extremely worried though, regardless of the fact that I knew Jake would not betray our privacy. Because one word from him now, and the attack would be on. All he had to do was say the word, and Sam would give the command to attack.

I looked over at Jake, and for the first time tonight, he met my gaze. His dark brown eyes gave away nothing, other than the anger that I knew would be festering there, held down until we could both be alone to work this out one way or another. But I would take all his anger, all his insults, all his accusations if he'd just grant me one thing tonight. If he would just tell Sam to call off the attack.

Jake looked away from me quickly, and looked back to Sam, his cold glare still in place.

"I'll go along with whatever you decide" was all he said. I closed my eyes at the reprieve, because although he hadn't exactly granted me my wish, he hadn't condoned the attack either. There was still hope.

Sam looked at Jacob with surprise. He hadn't expected Jake to be undecided. He'd expected Jacob to be at the front line of the attack, as he had enthusiastically been with the other vampires.

"They don't hunt humans. That's why Jake's grandfather made the treaty with them in the first place. You must trust your elders' judgment" I added as a final note, before Sam spoke his decision.

"Don't you dare talk about our elders as if you know anything about them!" Paul spat at me.

I ignored him and went on. "The Cullens have been here before. Twice. They've never posed a danger to anyone"

"Except to you Bella" Paul blurted out, the malice in his tone palpable. His grin was devious and dark. He was apparently, well informed on the things I'd confided to Jake in private about my history with the Cullens. About my doomed 18th birthday party.

"That is none of your business! And that has nothing to do with this! That was an accident! They _are_ peaceful!"

"Pfft! Some accident! What? The parasite accidentally lunged at you when you cut your finger? Hey maybe I could have that kind of "accident" too!" he threatened.

Jake went for his throat. So quickly that Sam, who'd been standing in between them all along, didn't even get a chance to stop him. He wrapped his big fingers around Paul's neck and through him to the ground, landing on top of him and throwing wild punches at him before Paul could even react. Sam quickly snapped out of his shock and with Quil and Embry's help, pulled Jake off of Paul.

"I'll kill you! You heard me! You ever threaten Bella again, I'll kill you!" Jake growled wildly. I stared in shock, unable to move from the spot I was frozen to.

Paul stood up and wiped at his bloody lip and nose with the back of his hand. His lips formed a snarl, and he grinned at Jake wickedly.

"Anytime you feel man enough "brother"" he taunted, "I'll be waiting".

I felt as Emily came behind me and put an arm around me. I was sure she could feel my body shaking, and she used her other hand to rub circles in my arm soothingly.

Sam had had enough. "Jake, Paul, quit it! I've made my decision!"

My heart was beating erratically. My palms were sweaty, my hands were shaking, and tears were threatening at the corners of my eyes. I hated what had happened tonight. I should've never let Paul get to me like that. I knew what he was like. Abrasive, confrontational; a bully through and through. And he wasn't like that just with me. But I was usually much better able at ignoring him. Tonight, I had finally fallen into his harassing trap, and in the process, I'd caused a fight between him and Jake. No matter what, Jake and he were pack brothers. It should have never gotten to this.

But as horribly upset as I was at what had just happened, the second Sam announced he'd made his decision, that was the only thing I could focus on.

"Jake, Paul, I will ignore what just happened here tonight because I know tensions are running high, due to the vampire issue" Sam started, staring at each one pointedly, letting them know he would not tolerate another brawl between them right now.

"But Bella is right" – Paul growled loudly; some of the other Quileutes groaned – "I said enough!" Sam roared, and everyone in the room fell silent again. Sam used his Alpha voice for the rest of his decree, to ensure no one in the room would be able to go against it.

"We will not attack the Cullens, for now. Most of what I've heard, and what our elders experienced with them" – he looked at me, and I had the feeling that perhaps this was what had convinced him – "points to them not being dangerous to our tribe or the people of Forks. They have been here before, and we personally, have not had problems with them. What happened with Bella was not an actual attack on her, and cannot be used as an excuse for attacking them. As a matter of fact, from what we've learned, the vampires that did hunt Bella were enemies of the Cullens themselves."

I exhaled sharply, not having realized I'd been holding my breath.

"Thank you Sam" I breathed.

"I'm not done" Sam continued, and he turned to the pack. "Nevertheless, they _are_ vampires, and mortal enemies to our kind, and our tribe. They must be reminded to stay off our lands, and to stick to the treaty that was forged between our elders and their leader, Carlisle. They will not bite any human in our area. Any deviation from that treaty will result in an immediate attack" he promised. It almost sounded as if he were trying to appease those that seemed unhappy with his decision.

"Sam, they're aware of that" I answered him, wanting to assure him and the rest of the pack that the Cullens were well aware of the treaty that bound them to their lands, and to their "vegetarian" diet.

"They _will_ be reminded" -Sam spoke to me now, in a tone that left no room for argument- "and they _will_ acknowledge that they'll comply. Otherwise we will have no other choice but to attack. At the moment, I can't trust any of you to deliver that message without it turning into a fight." He looked around the room, daring any of them to contradict his statement. No one honestly could. "Therefore Bella will be the one to deliver the reminder to them, and assure us that they have all acknowledged it".

My eyes grew wide in astonishment at Sam's request. I wasn't sure if I'd heard him correctly. But Jake's outraged cry made me think that I probably had. The fury that had boiled over and been released at Paul just a few moments ago now turned on Sam.

"What? Are you crazy? No! Hell No! Sam, she's not part of the pack! She can't deliver the message? Let me do it! I'll deliver a freakin' message to them alright!"

I was already pleading with Sam before Jake was even finished.

"Sam, Jake's right. I can't do that! I'm not part of the pack. And it'll feel like a…"

Jake turned to look at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. But I couldn't, because he wouldn't understand what it meant.

Sam seemed to read something in my hesitation.

"Like a what, Bella?"

I couldn't answer.

Sam walked over to me slowly then, and spoke to me in almost a whisper. Yet he knew, as well as I, that the rest of the pack would still be able to hear his every word. His tone was comforting, but his words held an edge of reprimand.

"Bella, I think it's time that you remember who was here for you for the past four years. Who stood by you when the vampires left, and who protected you when those that came back seeking revenge against the Cullens decided to take it out on you. It's time for you to decide where your loyalties lie.

My eyes flew to Jake at Sam's words, and I saw in his face exactly what I'd been trying to avoid. What I didn't want to do to the Cullens; what I couldn't do to Jake. I felt a flash of anger at Sam, for speaking the words that would bring that look to Jake's eyes.

"I _know_ where my loyalties lie." I answered Sam firmly. "I just don't want to be caught in the middle of this".

"If you don't want to be caught in the middle, then you'll have to pick a side. Those are your only options" he stated plainly.

I stared at Sam for a long moment, refusing to give any answer to his last statement. After a long moment of silence, Sam said what he knew would make my choice easier.

"Will you deliver the message, or would you rather I send Paul or Jacob?"

"No! I'll deliver the message!" I answered quickly. I had no other choice.

Sam turned away from me then, and it was all I could do to stay upright on my legs. Emily, I was sure, was supporting most of my weight now, and I was grateful to her for it.

"And they must each acknowledge that they understand; e_ach_ one of them. _None_ of them will bite _any_ human living in Forks or La Push, or it will be immediate cause for attack" he addressed the pack as he spoke, still trying to appease them for bringing them together tonight without providing The Main Event.

Sam walked over to Jake and Paul now. Jared was holding Paul by one arm, and Quil and Embry were holding each of Jake's arms. Just in case.

His message was for all the pack, but he looked from Paul to Jake as he said it in his Alpha tone.

"This is my decision. He looked at Paul, "The Cullens will not be attacked". He looked at Jake, "Bella will deliver the message". He looked from one to the other a few more times and then after a few moments of awkward silence, he declared the pack meeting over.

And just like that, the tension in the room seemed to quickly dissipate, and most of the pack quickly stormed the kitchen – ravenous – while Emily quickly prepared them something to eat. Only Jake and Paul remained in the living room, glaring at each other while I stared at them from the same spot I'd been glued to all night. After a few seconds, Jake walked away, making his way over to me.

"Hmph! That's what I thought" Paul muttered to Jake's back.

Jake thankfully ignored him and took me by the hand, leading me to the door. Sam, who was now sitting at the kitchen table, looked up at us leaving.

"Hey Jake, Bella. Why don't you guys stick around for a while?" he asked. I was amazed at how he genuinely sounded as if we'd just been over for a barbecue or something, no trace of any of the hostility that we'd just gone through in his tone.

"Thanks Sam, but we've gotta go" Jake responded without turning around, and we walked out the door.

Jake led me to his car, and I quickly jumped into the passenger seat, anxious to get as far away from here as possible, even though I knew Jake and I were in for some rough talk now. But I was more afraid that at any moment, Sam would change his mind and come out and tell Jake that the attack was back on. As I got in the car and closed the door, I looked over at Sam and Emily's house, and saw Paul standing at the door, grinning madly at me. The evil in his grin sent a chill up my spine, but I couldn't look away.

I expected to hear Jake next to me, turning the car on, but suddenly I saw him walking over to Paul and my heart stopped. Paul saw Jake walking over and his smile widened infinitely. I saw as his hands fisted at his sides. I could not get out though, it would be suicide at this point. I quickly pulled my cell phone out of my bag, ready to call Sam inside if I saw things get out of hand.

The car window was halfway open, and I could clearly hear the gravel crunching as Jake made his way over to Paul. His face was calm now, and for a second, I was hopeful that Jake was going to put Paul's stupid comment aside, and make up with his pack brother.

Jake stopped a few inches in front of Paul.

"As of tonight, you're no longer my brother. You're not welcome in my house anymore. I'll fight next to you when and if necessary, and I'll accept you as part of the pack, cause I have no choice. But I'm telling you now Paul, you will stay away from me, and you _will not go anywhere near Bella ever again, _or speak to her ever again! Or I swear to you, I will rip you to shreds!"

The maddening smile fell from Paul's face. His lips turned down in a grimace.

"So let me get this straight, you don't wanna do or say SHIT to the leeches she's got all up on her, but me, your own pack brother, you disown because I'm letting you know how it is? You becoming a leechlover too man? Huh? Or are you just freakin' scared of them?"

Jake remained calm, but I could see the slight tremble in his hands. "I'm warning you Paul, you stay away from her, and you stay away from me."

"And I'm warning you Jake" I could see Paul's chest heaving, his fisted hands also trembling at his sides "she's gonna screw you over. She doesn't love you man. She never has and she never will. She's got you whipped boy! And the sad thing is, no matter what you do, the only one she'll ever want is that bloodsucking parasite of hers. And now that he's back, you can kiss your leechlover goodbye" he grinned hatefully again.

Jake stood in front of Paul for a few more seconds. "I'm done with you" he finally said, and turned around to walk to the car again.

I stared at both figures in dismay; Jake as he walked to me, his back to Paul, and Paul as he continued grinning as Jake walked away. He suddenly turned his gaze from Jake to me, and winked, the evil grin still on his lips. I shuddered and looked away quickly. I didn't want Jake to turn around and see Paul looking at me. I'd caused more than enough trouble tonight.

As Jake got in the car and we started to drive away, I exhaled in relief. I turned to Jake, who was looking straight ahead, his lips in a tight line, his forehead creased, his eyes black as night.

"Jake" I started, and I reached out to touch his arm.

"Not now Bella" he answered. And I quickly withdrew my hand, holding in the sob in my throat, and nodding quickly in understanding. I would wait until he was ready.

We pulled into his driveway five minutes later, still in silence. We got out of his car and I followed him, but instead of walking towards his house, we walked over to my car. I quickly understood and started to get into the driver's seat. As I sat down, he turned to me, and the sadness in his eyes made me choke back my tears.

"Let me just go in and tell Billy what happened". Jake's dad, Billy, was one of the elders, and he was well aware of everything that went on with the pack. "I'll be out in a coupla minutes and I'll drive home with you" he said, and I nodded, unable to speak for fear my tears would spill over.

As I waited for Jake to emerge from his house again, I took the time to compose myself. I breathed in and out, regulating my breathing and pushing back the traitor tears that were threatening to spill. _Everything will work out with Jake_, I told myself. The most important thing was that I'd been able to convince Sam tonight that attacking the Cullens was unnecessary.

I pictured the werewolves and the vampires meeting up for battle in the middle of the forest. Jake, Sam, Quil, Embry, Seth, Leah and the rest on one side, Edward, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper on the other. The numbers were not even, but nonetheless, it was an agonizing picture. Because regardless of who went down, my heart would shatter. But it was the next image in my mind that took my breath away, and I found myself doubling over in my car seat, wrapping my arms around my torso to contain the pain the image pounded me with.

Edward. Strong and beautiful. Fighting off the werewolves one by one. Edward, as well as the rest of the Cullens, I was sure, would not be as easy to defeat as the young werewolves seemed to be under the impression. They had fought Laurent and Victoria and had defeated them easily. But the Cullens were not Laurent and Victoria. My vampires had there family to live for, and they would be much more difficult to defeat, if it ever came to a fight. And Edward. Edward was as strong as he was fast, I was sure. I quickly envisioned his lean muscular arms, and I could only imagine the damage they could inflict.

But Edward against an entire pack? In my vision, all of them, every single werewolf came at him at once, and I closed my eyes and groaned as I saw them lunge for him in my mind, the continuation of the dream I'd just had the night before. _'NO!'_ I yelled in the car, and quickly opened my eyes, refusing to let the vision continue. That would not happen. That COULD NOT happen. I would do whatever was necessary to prevent that from EVER happening. No matter how much I forced myself to push back the truth of my feelings, I knew I could not live in a world where Edward did not exist. For the past few years, I'd survived without him, but I lived with the knowledge that even though he wasn't with me, he was somewhere, living his life, experiencing his distractions. And even if he didn't love me, he existed.

'_It will be as if I'd never existed'_

Just the thought of it made it hard for me to breathe, and I found myself struggling to compose myself again before Jake came out.

So in an effort to calm me, my mind took me to another image, but this one was a memory, rather than an imagination. My fall from the ladder just a few hours earlier. Myself in Edward's arms, cupping his cheek, looking into his eyes and imagining I saw love in them. And even though I knew that that was not what I'd seen, I let myself imagine now that it had been, because I needed to calm down, and hell if it wasn't working.

When Jake came back out a couple of minutes later, I felt more calm. But as I realized the image I'd had to cling to to gain that calmness, I was filled with guilt. Because what I should've been imagining was Jake's arms around me, not Edwards. Jake was my reality, not Edward. And Jake was the one who loved me, who I belonged with, not Edward. And I owed Jake so much more than what I'd given him tonight.

We drove back to my house in silence once again, and I understood what people meant by 'the silence was defeaning'. I wanted more than anything to reach out to him again, but I wasn't sure if he'd want me to yet. So I kept my hands and my words to myself, waiting for a sign from him that he was ready to talk.

We parked across the street from my house, and sat there in silence for a few more minutes. As the minutes ticked by, I started wondering if Jake wanted to talk at all, or if he was just waiting for me to get out of the car and get inside. Finally, I sighed in defeat and went to open the car door.

"Wait Bella" Jake spoke quietly, and reached his arm out to stop me from opening the door. He said nothing else for a few more minutes.

"Why didn't you tell me they were coming back? Why'd you say you weren't going to see them again?" he finally asked.

"Jake, I swear I didn't know" and then I knew I had to revise that slightly. "I mean, Alice said something in New York about seeing her again, but I didn't really believe her. I thought she was just being Alice, always exaggerating" I laughed quietly. But Jake didn't even break a small smile, so I wiped the smile off of my face.

"Please believe me Jake" I asked. "I wasn't lying to you" I insisted.

"After everything we talked about yesterday. After I told you how I felt about them!" he said a little louder now.

"Jake, I had nothing to do with this! I didn't ask them to come. I'm telling you other than Alice teasing me back in New York, I had no idea!"

"So what then? They just decided to pop back into Forks out of the blue? For no reason?"

"I told you the reason" I answered impatiently. "They missed Forks, they missed the mountains and-"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I heard it already" he said, annoyed. "They missed the mountains, they missed the fresh air, blah, blah blah" He paused for a moment before continuing. "Tell me something, does that make any sense to you? I mean seriously, what the hell, there's no mountains or fresh air anywhere else in the U.S., or the world for that matter?"

"I don't know Jake" I answered, frustrated now. "They've been to Forks two other times before, they must really like it here! It's really dark and gloomy, and they can come and go more or less as they please. I'm not a vampire Jake, I don't know what they're thinking!"

Jake narrowed his eyes at me then, and he opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to change his mind and closed his mouth again.

"So _he's_ back too then?" he asked instead of whatever he was about to say.

"Yes" I answered in an even tone. "I already told you that"

"And what is he here for?" he questioned.

"I guess the same thing the others are here for"

Jake raised an eyebrow at me. "Mountains and fresh air?"

"Yes"

"Hmph" was all he said.

I had to nip this line of questioning in the bud, before it got out of hand. And even though it would cause me physical pain to say the words I had to say, they were the truth, and they were what I needed to say to ease Jake's worry.

"Jake" I started soothingly. "He left me remember? He didn't want me then, and he doesn't want me now." I told him honestly. "Please don't even think about that".

Jake looked deep into my eyes then, searching. My first instinct was to look away, but I fought against it. I knew what he was looking for, and I knew that by turning away, to him it would be acknowledgement that it was there. There was no way I could explain things to him without hurting him. How could I explain to him that it didn't matter what he thought he'd find deep in my eyes? Whatever he found would be rooted in fantasy. He, Jacob, was my reality. Edward might as well have been a figment of my imagination. No matter what I felt, it could never be real. Therefore, it didn't matter. But there was no way to explain this to Jake without making him feel like a second choice, a runner up.

So I stayed still as he searched my eyes, and I prayed that whatever he found wasn't enough to drive him away.

Jake turned away after a few seconds, and his expression did not let me know whether he approved or not of what he'd found in my eyes.

"So how is this supposed to work then, this summer?" he asked, annoyed.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean" he started, impatient as if he were trying to explain something simple to a child. "should I just not expect to see you for the rest of the summer?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "Of course not! Just because I want to spend some time with my friends doesn't mean you and I can't still see each other"

He rolled his eyes as if he wasn't that convinced.

"Look Jake, I'm sure if you're willing we could probably all hang out-"

Jake put a hand out to stop me. "Bells, please, don't even finish that sentence".

"So how much time do you think you'll be spending with them?" he asked cautiously.

This was my chance to tell him about their generous offer to help with the store, as well as the dinner I'd be having with them Friday night.

"Well, they've offered to help me with the store, as a graduation present -" I started.

Jake interrupted me. "What?" he asked, seeming flabbergasted. "I thought I was gonna help you with that?"

"Jake, all you've been doing for the past few weeks is telling me how you don't have the time, between the garage and taking care of Billy. I understood that and I was grateful when you made time to help me this weekend. But I knew how hard it was for you! Well…now you don't have to do that!" I said, hoping my belief that this development would free him from an unwanted obligation sounded sincere.

"Bells, you seriously think you're doing me a favor here? I would've rather hired private contractors to do all the work for you and paid for it all!"

"Well, now you don't have to do either" I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"And I'm having dinner with them Friday night. To go over the plans and stuff".

Jake just stared at me and said nothing.

"Well, isn't that convenient" he said finally. "So you'll be spending practically every waking moment that you're not in school with them for the next few weeks".

"Jake, please. Try to understand. They're my friends"

"Why?" Jake asked forcefully, no longer holding back. "Why Bella? Why are they your friends? After everything they did to you, why do you continue to defend them, to seek them out, to spend any amount of time with them?"

"Jake, it wasn't like that-" I tried to explain.

"Yes, Bella! It was exactly like that! They abandoned you! Not just _him_, but all of them! The doctor, his wife, the shorty. All of them! And you still continue to pine for them. And then they pop up out of the blue and you're ready to turn your entire life upside down for them again! Why Bella, huh? Why? What is this hold h-" – he paused to take a breath "_they_ have on you?"

I looked down at my lap, without answering him. I didn't know what to say. How could I explain to him how much I loved them without getting him even more riled up? How much I needed them all? How I felt like in some inexplicable way, they were my family, as much as he and Charlie and Renee were my family. Perhaps even more than Renee, my own mother. How I'd felt at seeing them today, like my lost family had finally returned to me? When Edward left, it was as if a million little holes had been punched in my heart. And even though in the past few years, Jake had helped to mend some of those holes, it wasn't until Edward and his family walked back into my life today that I felt as if some of those holes hadn't just been mended, but were actually completely _healed_. As if they hadn't been there at all. I couldn't explain that to him, so I just sat there quietly.

After a few minutes, sensing he wasn't going to get an answer, Jake exhaled in frustration and turned away from me, facing the front of the car.

"God I hate that family" I heard him mutter to himself.

I looked up at him once again. "Jake I know you don't really hate the Cullens as much as you claim you do" I spoke to him lightly. "That's why you didn't want to attack them tonight. That's why you let me come with you and speak to Sam" I added.

Jake chuckled humorlessly and shook his head slowly. He exhaled loudly before answering, looking straight ahead..

"Bells, Bells, Bells. I do hate them. A lot. I hate them so much it makes my limbs shudder and my vision turn hazy just to think of them. And I do want to attack them. Badly. I want to tear each and every one of them from limb to limb."

I stared at him, speechless.

"It took everything I had in there not to tell Sam to attack" he continued. "But I don't want to use my role as protector of the tribe to do that. It would be hypocritical of me, because I wouldn't be doing it because they're vampires and I want to protect the tribe. I'm pretty sure you're right, and they don't mean the tribe any harm."

He looked back at me now before continuing. "I'd be doing it because of what they did to you. The way they hurt you and abandoned you. I want to see _them_ hurt for that. I want to cause them some of the pain they caused you. You may be able to forgive what they did to you, but I can't. I'm sorry. I can't forgive as easily as you can. I guess my heart isn't as big as yours" he finished, and then turned to stare ahead again.

I had no words for that.

Jake turned to face me once again, and picked up my hand this time, playing with my fingers. "Bella, I love you so much. Just promise me you're not going anywhere. Promise me that when this summer is over, you'll still be here with me."

I couldn't bear to see Jake this way. To think that it was me that was causing him this pain. And he wasn't asking me to promise him anything I wasn't already willing to give him. I'd been worried when we'd first started talking tonight that he'd ask me to stay away from the Cullens. That he'd make me choose between him and them. Because if he'd asked me that, I wasn't sure which one I would've picked. But somewhere deep in my heart, I thought perhaps I did know; I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Nevertheless, I didn't have to think about that now after all, and I forced myself away from that thought. In comparison to that, what Jake was asking me for was extremely easy.

"Jake, I'm not going anywhere. I promise. They're just here for the summer. Then they'll be gone. And you and I will still be here. They're my friends. And I just want to spend some time with them over the summer. That's all. I promise." Jake buried his head in my neck, sighing in relief.

I should've been relieved too. Relieved that there would be no attack tonight, relieved that he hadn't made me choose.

Relieved that I would be seeing Edward again the day after tomorrow.

I hadn't promised Jake anything I wouldn't have promised him just yesterday. Jake and I were real. He was who I belonged with. We loved each other. And when Edward left at the end of the summer, I would still be here with Jacob. That was how it should be. That was how I'd known it would be for the past few years.

Then why had making that promise caused the hole in my heart to open up again?

I hugged Jake back fiercely, trying to hold back the tear in my heart, trying to concentrate on the here and now, rather than on the inevitable end of the summer, when my insides would be unavoidably ripped to shreds again. When Edward would leave me once again, and I would be as powerless as I'd been before to stop it.

It should be easier this time, I thought to myself. I was older now. I had more in my life. I had a boyfriend who truly loved me, who wanted to make a life with me. I had a degree - something which, I had to admit, made me almost as proud as it made my family - and I had my own business, which success or failure, was all mine. Yet I knew that I'd be dreading each passing day this summer, not looking forward to my graduation approaching, or the dreaded dance that went with it, or even the day of my bookstore's grand opening, because each day would bring me one day closer to never seeing Edward again, and I couldn't see how I'd survive it this time.

I found myself unable to breathe again, and at first I thought it was because of what I'd been thinking. But gradually I realized that Jake's hold on me had gotten noticeably tighter, and I was having trouble inhaling and exhaling. I tried to pull away, but I couldn't budge.

"Jake!" I choked out. "You're holding me too tight! I can't breathe!"

Jake let go of me quickly and raised his head to meet my eyes. The look in his face caused me to gasp in fear. His eyes were wild, his nostrils flared in fury, his lips formed a snarl, and for a half-second, I shamefully feared for my life, thinking perhaps he'd somehow read my thoughts and had totally lost it.

"Jake, what is it?" I asked in an anguished tone.

Jake only said one word.

"Vampire!"

**Jake isn't Edward. He has no problems letting Bella know how jealous he is, how much he hates the Cullens, and threatening to hurt Edward if he tries to take Bella away from him. This doesn't necessarily make him bad, he's just not as mature as Edward, and he's not as good at hiding his feelings as Edward is.**

**And I'm sorry. I know I promised that this chapter would have the Edward/Jake confrontation, but I didn't realize how much more still had to happen before then.**

**It's coming, I promise. Just bare with me for two more quick chapters. You'll like the next two though, they're full of Bella/Edward fluff and angst. And they're coming quick. The next one should be up tomorrow, and the other one the day after that.**


	13. Chapter 14 Things We Don't Talk About

**A/N: Hi Guys! Next chapter's ready! **

**I want to thank those of you who continue reviewing every chapter. I really appreciate it, warms my heart to see how some of you are following the story. I've gotten a few reviews over the past few chapters from people who really Jake! But just remember, he's been there for her for years! I would say he has an actual claim to her this time, more so than he did in New Moon or Eclipse, because it's been years, not months. But we all know that that isn't how true love works!**

**I know many of you are anxious for the return of Edward's POV. Don't worry, it's coming up soon. Just bear with me here as we get through the rest of Bella's POV. She's got some heavy stuff going on too you know!**

**I'd like to thank my two wonderful Betas, Danna0724 and ADgroovy. Love ya both! Thanks for correcting my stupid mistakes and giving me your "errant thoughts." You're making this story so much better!**

**Thanks to my little sister Sammy also, who keeps bugging me for updates.**

**And finally, these are Stephenie Meyer's characters, not mine, unfortunately.**

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Things We Don't Talk About**

_What we forgive too freely doesn't stay forgiven. ~Mignon McLaughlin, __The Neurotic's Notebook__, 1960_

_And being apart ain't easy on this love affair. Two strangers learn to fall in love again. I get the joy of rediscovering you. Oh girl, you stand by me. I'm forever yours, faithfully. – Lyrics to Faithfully, Journey_

**Bella**

"Jake, what is it?" I could hear the anguish in my voice.

Jake only said one word.

"Vampire!"

"What?! Where?" I looked around the darkness outside. I couldn't see anyone.

"What are you talking about? There's no one out there."

He didn't answer me. His eyes were wide and searching. He held on to me tightly.

"What do I do? What do I do?" he mumbled to himself, looking past me. I could feel the shivers rocking his entire frame now, not just his hands, and realized that Jake was closer to phasing at the moment than he'd been the entire night, if not ever.

"Jake stop!" I cried frantically, grabbing his big biceps. "Listen to me! You need to calm down! I don't see anyone out there!"

"I smell him!" he bellowed.

I tried to think quickly. I had to get Jake to calm down before he lost control.

"Jake, let's get inside the house. Come on." I kept my voice low and soothing and opened the car door slowly, watching him carefully as he opened his door.

"We can figure this out inside." I quickly made my way over to his side, taking his hand and trying to lead him towards the house. But Jake stood stoically in front of the car. He inhaled sharply, grimacing as he exhaled as if something extremely disgusting had been put in front of his nostrils.

His head turned sharply towards my house, and the look of disgust and fury grew.

"The stench leads right to your front door," he hissed, quickly pulling me towards the house.

I hurried along beside him, trying to keep up so I wouldn't trip. My pulse was beating erratically, afraid of what or _who_ I'd find on the other side of the door. Jake wasn't ready to face any of the Cullens yet. He'd just basically told me in the car that he had no problem with tearing any one of them apart. I could feel the vibrations rolling off of his body, as I trembled myself, in fear of what was about to happen.

"Unlock the door" Jake ordered through clenched teeth. I pulled the keys out and turned to Jake.

"Jake, maybe you should go home…"

"Bella, _I'm_ not going anywhere," he growled in a low voice. I knew better than to ask again.

I opened the door and walked in slowly, Jake following behind on my heels. I could hear him breathing heavily behind me, and as I turned into the living room, my heart threatened to explode in my chest.

Sitting there on the black leather recliner was Charlie, and no one else. He appeared very relaxed, holding a beer and watching some sports game on the flatscreen. I quickly scanned the room. No one else was there.

"Hey Bells, Jake" my dad called out, sparing us a quick glance.

"Hey Dad" I answered distractedly, turning into the kitchen. Jake was right on my tail. No one was in the kitchen either. I turned to Jake.

"Jake, no one's here but Charlie." I exhaled in relief, the blood returning to my face.

A low growl came from Jake's throat. "But somebody _was_ here." He walked quickly back into the living room. I followed behind.

"Hey Jake" Charlie spoke in a relaxed tone, his eyes still fixed on the screen. "Take a seat and watch the game" he offered, looking up at Jake and me. "Bottom of the 9th, the Mariners are…" Charlie's voice trailed off as he took in both our expressions, Jake murderous and me terrified. "What's wrong guys?" he asked, his brows meeting in concern.

Jake blew off his question. "Charlie, who was here tonight?" he shot out in one breath.

Charlie's brows furrowed even more. "How did you know someone was here?"

Jake's nostrils flared. "Because whoever it was left a sickening stench behind!" he snapped.

Charlie's head snapped back in surprise, but he said nothing in response. He wasn't used to seeing Jake like this. He looked from Jake to me, and seemed to be debating something with himself.

"Yeah, someone was here," he confirmed, putting his beer down and standing up. His eyes met mine.

"Alice Cullen came by Bella." -I let out the breath I'd been holding- "She wanted to say hi."

Jake turned to face me. "I thought you already saw Alice Cullen tonight?" he questioned.

"I did." I wondered why Alice had come over.

"She came to say hi to me," Charlie clarified. Jake and I stared at him, surprised.

Jake was quiet for a few seconds, as he studied my father's face. Abruptly, he turned around and stormed into the kitchen, muttering something that sounded like "family of leech-lovers."

I followed him with my eyes, and then turned back to look at Charlie. He gave me a look that said 'what's wrong with him?' I shook my head in response, and followed Jake into the kitchen.

Jake was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. I sat down next to him and tried to pull his hands away. He refused to budge them.

"Bells hon, I gotta be honest with you. I don't know if I can do this" he confessed, his head still in his hands. "I don't think I'm strong enough to resist the instinct to attack them." His words sent a chill of fear down my spine. Alice's words from just a few days ago came back to me.

'_They're quick to anger and slow to control,' _she'd warned.

No. I _knew_ that wasn't true. Jake _could_ control himself. I knew he could.

"Jake, yes you can," I encouraged. "I know you can," I whispered. _'You have to,'_ I thought to myself. Because if something happened to him or any of the Cullens, it would kill me.

We sat there like that for a long time; Jake with his head in his hands, and me with my hands on his arms, trying to comfort him with soothing strokes. After what seemed like forever, Jake finally put his arms down and raised his head. I could see the turmoil in his eyes. With all my heart, I wished I could say the words that would put him out of this misery. I wished I could tell him I wouldn't see the Cullens this summer. I wished I could tell him I'd treat them the way he wanted me to, coolly and unforgiving.

But I couldn't. Because I didn't blame them for any of what happened. It wasn't their fault Laurent and Victoria came back for me. It wasn't their fault that I hadn't been enough to hold Edward. And it definitely wasn't their fault that I'd almost gone insane once Edward left. I could not make myself blame them for any of it. All I could feel was gratitude and inexplicable joy at their temporary return to me.

I ran my fingers through his thick dark hair, and looked him in the eyes.

"Hey Jake, it'll be okay. You'll see" I cooed, trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

Jake stared back into my eyes, and then quickly composed his features. He flashed me his wide grin, but the smile didn't seem to quite reach his eyes.

"Yeah, sure, sure." He tried to make the words sound effortless. "Course it will," he smiled. But he didn't sound too convinced. He stood up quickly.

"Bells, I'm gonna get going. It's been a long day." He stood me up beside him and pulled me into a tight hug. I strained my head to look up at him. I wanted to say something before he left, but I wasn't sure what the right thing to say would be. Jake just needed some time to calm down and process everything that had happened tonight. Just like I did.

I was sure everything would be fine once he'd had some time to think and realized that the Cullens' return didn't pose any threat whatsoever, in any way. They'd enjoy a summer in Forks, and then they'd be on their way; off to start a new life in high school, or college, or wherever they decided to go next. Their temporary return would not affect Jake or my life in any permanent way.

Yet once again, the thought of their imminent departure, of _Edward's_ departure, brought with it a sharp stab of pain. But I couldn't deal with that now. I was in Jake's arms, and I had to focus on his peace of mind, not my own.

"So when am I gonna see you?" Jake asked. His eyes were trained on the wall behind me.

The question surprised me. Jake and I didn't have a set schedule for seeing each other. Unless we were planning on going somewhere, we usually just played it by ear, either me going down to La Push or him coming over here whenever we had the chance. We never asked when we'd see each other next, because it was always assumed we'd see each other again soon. But now it sounded like he was asking me for an exact date and time for our next meeting.

"Well" I began, trying to think through my schedule for the next few days so I could give him an accurate answer. "Tomorrow's Thursday, and you know I've got late classes. And then Friday I'm meeting the Cullens to discuss the plans for the store" – I took a deep breath – "and to deliver Sam's message." Jake's jaw tightened.

"And then we're supposed to be working at the store over the weekend…" I trailed off, wondering nervously if the Cullens would even want to see me again after I delivered Sam's message on Friday.

Jake furrowed his brows in obvious frustration.

"So in other words, see ya when I see ya?"

"No Jake." My voice was low and pleading. "You know it's not like that."

"Yeah, sure, fine. I get it Bells. No, really I do. Call me when you can fit me into your busy schedule," he called out, walking out of the kitchen and through the hallway, to the front door.

"Aw _come on_ Jake! Don't be like this!" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down so Charlie wouldn't hear me. I followed him to the door and almost knocked into him as he stopped abruptly and turned to face me, bending his head down so that it was just a couple of inches from mine. I could tell by the way his breathing came in short spurts that he was seething again.

"Fine Bella! You want your parasites for the summer, you got'em! You wanna act like nothing ever happened, like they didn't stomp on your heart and leave you to die, go ahead!, he spat out. "You wanna open yourself up to them again and let them in, while I wait around to pick up the pieces after they leave-" he closed his eyes and exhaled, exasperated – "Whatever," he finished, throwing his hands up in the air in aggravation. But before I could recover and say anything, he bent forward to face me again, a coy smile on his lips. He pointed his index finger at my face.

"You go to them on Friday, and you deliver the pack's message. And make sure they understand. Make sure they _all_ understand. The treaty doesn't just call for them not to feed on humans, they can't _bite_ anyone. Make sure they _all_ understand. If anyone, _anyone_, gets bitten, they all die. And I will find them Bella. You make sure they understand that. They will not bite _anyone_!"

He put both arms down, his hands fisted to his sides, hesitating before going on.

"You are _mine_ now Bella. He wasn't man enough to stay and protect you, but I was. You're mine now, and I'm not giving you up!"

I fought the instinctual urge to defend Edward, to remind Jake that Edward didn't know the mess he was leaving behind.

"He's not here for me Jake," I answered in a cool voice instead, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over. "And _no one_ is getting bitten." I raised an eyebrow at him, letting him know I knew exactly what he meant.

We stood there at the doorway, staring each other down, for a few minutes. Until finally, Jake bent down and gave me a quick peck on the forehead.

"I'll call you Bells," he called out in a cold voice as he walked away, leaving me standing there wondering how I was going to fix this mess with him now.

I watched him climb into his car and drive away, and then I closed the door slowly and shuffled exhaustedly over to the steps leading up to my room.

"Bells, is everything okay?" I heard Charlie call out from the other room.

"Yeah dad, everything's fine," I answered wearily. I wanted to ask him what Alice said tonight, but I was too tired and confused to speak anymore tonight. Today had been one of the longest days of my life. Between finding out the Cullens were back, to landing in Edward's arms when I'd fallen – Oh God, even in my exhaustion I still got goosebumps just thinking about it – to the confrontation between Jake and Paul, my decree from Sam, and now my argument with Jake, I couldn't take one more thing tonight.

"I'm going to bed dad," I called out as I slowly climbed the steps. Charlie didn't answer me right away, and I silently prayed that he didn't want to talk about the Cullens' return right now. I couldn't deal with anymore drama.

"Goodnight Bells." Charlie sounded resigned.

I walked into my room and collapsed onto my bed. I felt depleted, as if every single ounce of energy in my body had been used up today. I wanted to sleep; to sleep and not think. I wondered if I'd exhausted my body and mind enough today to finally have a night without dreams; without the nightmare that haunted me without end. Without any nightmares brought on by today's events. I found myself wondering if I'd be able to dream about Edward tonight. About being in his arms. About how safe and warm I'd finally felt, despite how cold and hard his arms had been.

I quickly shook my head to stave that stupid thought off. The truth was that the dream would, in the end, cause me more pain than all of my nightmares put together ever could. Because once I woke up from that dream and realized what an illusion it'd been, the holes in my heart – which were by now at least used to my nightmares – would not be able to withstand the agony. No. I couldn't let myself dream about that. I would suffer twofold for it in the morning.

I forced myself to get off the bed, and dragged myself to the bathroom, peeling my clothes off and climbing into the shower in a daze. The water, which had been scalding at first, started turning cooler and cooler, until at last I shut it off and managed to limp back to my room, changing into the first t-shirt and sweats I could find.

I turned the lights off and was about to crumble back into my bed when something outside my window caught my eye.

I walked over to the little window slowly and peered out into the gloomy, foggy darkness outside. It was drizzling lightly, as usual, and the trees swayed back and forth slowly in the wind. The full moon shone in the dark sky, illuminating the forest below like a giant streetlamp. I looked from tree to tree, the branches filled with rich green leaves made richer by the plentiful rain. The moss and grass below shone slick with dew, reflecting the moonlight like thousands of miniature reflectors.

There was nothing out of place; nothing out of the ordinary outside. No broken branches, no unexplained shapes. Nothing to indicate that anything or anyone not belonging had been anywhere near this part of the forest. Yet…I'd seen something, or rather I'd _felt _something. Some electric pull to the window. Something that had drawn my attention, in spite of my overwhelming fatigue. I squinted my eyes, trying desperately to see what exactly had drawn my attention.

But there was nothing out there. I hadn't seen anything; I hadn't _felt _anything. There had been nothing outside that window for years, and there was nothing there now. My mind was exhausted, it was starting to play tricks on me, and I was stupidly falling for them. The words that I'd spoken to Jake earlier were true, as much as it hurt to think them, and my subconscious mind had to accept them as well as my conscious mind had.

Edward was not back for me.

I shook my head slowly and turned back to my bed, throwing myself onto it forcefully.

If I dreamt anything that night, I was for once, mercifully too tired to remember.

The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed. For a split second, I thought perhaps I'd dreamt the entire day before. Edward and his family's return, the whole thing with the pack, and my fight with Jake. But then slowly, as my senses sharpened, I realized with an unimaginable joy that it hadn't all been a dream.

Edward and his family were back! For however fleeting a time. I felt a stab of pain as I recalled how Jake and I had left things last night, but the guilt was shamefully still not enough to bring my spirits down this morning.

I got up and got ready to head for the University, climbing into my car. It was then that I remembered Sam's decree.

'_Bella will be the one to deliver the reminder to them, and assure us that they have all acknowledged it'_

I cringed as a stab of fear hit me. What would the Cullen's say? What would they think of me for delivering such a message? I'd been forced to act as the pack's spokesperson, as if I were part of the pack. Would the Cullen's feel betrayed?

That was what I'd been about to say to Sam yesterday when he'd ordered me to deliver the message to the Cullens. 'It'll feel like a betrayal'. But I'd stopped myself from saying it when I'd looked at Jake, because I knew that saying that would have seemed like a betrayal to him. I was stuck now.

I went through all my classes desperate to get the day over with. Although I knew I wouldn't be seeing Edward or any of the Cullens today, I wanted the day to end so that tomorrow could finally come. As much as I feared their reaction to the message I was being forced to deliver, my desire to see them, to see _him_, was overwhelming. A small, irrational part of me still kept wondering throughout the day if perhaps I had dreamt everything after all. I had to continually assure myself that in fact, it was all real. He was back. I had been in his arms yesterday. And he'd promised me he'd be at dinner tomorrow night.

Would he really be there though? I wondered. I was desperate to see if it was true, and it saddened me to realize that his promises no longer held the weight they had years ago. But despite that, I could barely contain myself as I walked back into my house that afternoon, ready to make dinner for Charlie and me and get this day done with already.

I heard Charlie's voice coming from the kitchen.

"…he's got the nerve to apologize! What am I supposed to say to that Alice? You didn't see her! All the while he was off enjoying himself-"

Alice's normally sweet voice was defensive. "You might be a bit surprised Charlie."

I ran into the kitchen then, where Charlie sat at the table, and Alice sat across from him on the table itself.

"Alice!" I yelled. Alice glanced at me nervously at first, but then a huge genuine smile appeared on her lips as I threw myself at her. She hugged me back enthusiastically.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her curiously. I hadn't expected to see her again until tomorrow.

"I stopped by to say hi to Charlie here" she said, glancing over at Charlie with a smile. Charlie previously gloom face softened.

"And to see you too silly!" she continued.

I wrinkled my eyebrows in confusion. "I thought you stopped by yesterday to say hi to Charlie?"

Alice threw her head back slightly, as if somehow caught off guard. Her eyes briefly flew to Charlie again. "I…"

Charlie cleared his throat. "She did, but I was watching the game last night…and the Mariners were up by one in late innings, so I was kinda busy…"

"That's really rude dad," I scolded.

"Oh, it's okay Bella" Alice cut in sweetly. "I know how important baseball can be to men," she defended him. Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Come on!" she demanded. "Let's go upstairs and catch up!" She grabbed my messenger bag off my shoulder and pulled me by the hand.

"Alice, it really is great to have you back!" Charlie called out.

Alice stopped midstride for a second to turn back to him. "It's great to be back Charlie" she answered sincerely, before tugging on me forcefully again, and leading me up the stairs.

Once we were up in my room, I turned to Alice behind me. I tilted my head, wondering what she and Charlie had been discussing downstairs.

"What was all that about?" I questioned her.

"Oh nothing" she answered sweetly. "We were just…catching up." Her voice sounded nonchalant, but I noticed how her eyes clouded over as she finished.

Alice walked to the middle of my room, turning around to take it all in.

"Well, it doesn't look too different, I guess" she exclaimed, walking over to my dresser. Gingerly, she reached out to touch the feathery object hanging from the mirror.

"It's a-" I began.

"A dream catcher" Alice finished for me. Her voice was almost a whisper. "It's supposed to chase away bad dreams" she continued matter-of-factly. She turned to face me.

"Does it work?" she asked curiously.

"No."

She was quiet for a few seconds.

"Why do you keep it then?"

"It was a gift. From Jake."

"Oh." She gave the dream catcher a few more turns, looking at it pensively, and then let go of it.

"When everything was happening" I began, - I knew I didn't have to explain to her what I meant by everything- "Jake gave it to me to keep the bad dreams away." I exhaled loudly. "But the dreams would come anyway" I finished, using the same matter-of-fact tone Alice just had. I turned away from her and sat on my bed.

Alice walked over to me and placed her tiny hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I wish I would've seen." She hesitated for a second before continuing.

"I spoke to Carlisle when I got back from New York a few days ago. We think maybe…maybe the reason I wasn't able to see you was because of…Jake."

I frowned at her, not following what she was trying to say. She sighed loudly and continued.

"I've had a bit of a harder time seeing you again since we got back to Forks. But in New York, I could see you so clearly! Here, I only get bits and pieces."

I still looked at her with confusion all over my face.

"Yesterday evening, I couldn't see you at all."

It hit me then. She couldn't see me when I was with Jake.

"You mean you can't see me when I'm with Jake?"

She nodded sadly.

"The closer you are to Jacob, the less I see you. Carlisle thinks it may be a built in defense mechanism?" she had a far away look on her face, as if she was still trying to solve the riddle herself. "I don't seem to be able to see the wolves, and when you're close to them, you disappear yourself."

My jaw dropped.

"Wow." I could think of nothing else to say.

"Yes. Wow" Alice agreed, although she didn't sound too thrilled about it.

"Makes it harder for us to help you" -Alice spoke softly- "if you should ever need our help."

"Why would you ever need to help me when I'm with-"

I stopped my sentence in its tracks as soon as I realized what Alice was trying to say. My face went from shocked to wary, and a flash of irritation ran through me. I glared up at Alice. She didn't even flinch.

"Alice, I don't want to argue with you" I said, rubbing my temples with my fingers "so please, let's just drop it."

Alice continued to stare down at me for a few seconds, and then out of nowhere, her normal exuberance returned.

"Hey Bella, guess what?" she exclaimed, throwing herself on my bed next to me. "Esme, Rosalie and I were working on your store designs all night, and I think you're going to love what we've come up with" she squealed, effectively changing the subject.

Alice left a little while later, after begging me to let her pick me up tomorrow afternoon in her car. I put my foot down and told her that I'd be driving my own car, thank you very much, and she was welcome to accompany me as my passenger. I may not have been an indestructible vampire but I wasn't the helpless little human they seemed to remember me as either. I was perfectly capable of driving myself to and from their house without any problems. Alice didn't seem too pleased when I told her all this, but I figured whatever she may have seen in one of her visions must not have been that bad, because she eventually gave up and agreed to go in my car.

After washing the dishes later that evening, I was anxious to get back to my room to get some studying before bed, and also because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be able to postpone "the talk" with Charlie. As it turned out, Charlie wasn't about to let me bow out from our discussion tonight.

"Bells, can you come in here for a minute?" he called from the living room, just as I'd been making my way up the stairs. I groaned inwardly and started to head back downstairs.

"Coming dad" I answered reluctantly.

"Why don't you sit down for a sec?" he asked me, motioning to the loveseat across from the recliner. He muted the TV as I sighed and went to sit down.

"So" he said.

"So" I repeated.

We sat there in uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

"So what's the story with the Cullens Bells?" he finally asked. "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on dad" I answered calmly. "I'm sure Alice told you, they're here for a couple of months. No big deal. They've offered to help me with the store, as a graduation present." I shrugged my shoulders and tried to appear casual.

"Hmm" Charlie mused. "And then what happens? When the summer's over?" he asked quietly.

I took in a deep breath. "When the summer's over, they go home" I replied in a steady voice.

"And you're okay with that?" he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice. "You're okay with seeing them again, seeing them _all_ again, and then with them leaving at the end of the summer?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Sure" I answered, too quickly. I heard how my voice shook slightly. I hoped Charlie hadn't heard that.

Charlie was quiet again for a while.

"Bells, you were really bad for a while there." I knew he was talking about when Edward first left. "For a few months, I wasn't sure you'd snap out of it". I stared at my hands, fidgeting nervously with my fingers.

"Jake doesn't seem too happy" he continued once he realized I wasn't going to say anything.

"He'll be okay." I hoped the words were true.

"He's worried about Edward?"

"He's got no reason to be."

"You sure?" Charlie questioned. I raised my head to meet his eyes, and I noticed how his forehead wrinkled in worry.

I sighed. "Edward didn't come back for me dad." It was the truth. My voice sounded small and sad.

"That's not what I asked Bells," Charlie replied.

My frustration was building. "Then what are you asking dad?" I could hear the annoyance in my voice. But I was tired. Tired of dancing around the questions. I didn't want to be here right now, and if Charlie was going to force me to have this conversation, he was going to have to be direct.

Charlie, never one for direct confrontations, gave in.

"Never mind Bells" he said, shaking his head. As I got up to leave he put out his hand, motioning for me to stay seated.

"Just be careful Bells. That's all I'm saying. That kid almost destroyed you once. Don't let him do that to you again." I could hear the paternal concern in his tone.

I stared at Charlie. What could I say to him? The truth? That it was already too late for that warning? That the moment Edward left again, my world would crumble? I knew that, but there was nothing I could do about it. Only this time, I had Jake to think of. I couldn't let Jake know how hurt I'd be. My pain was nothing compared to the pain I refused to cause him.

"Good night dad," I said, and quickly fled the room.

I tried to call Jake before going to bed. He hadn't called me once all day. He was probably still upset with me. The cell phone rang and rang, and when I called the house, Billy told me he was sleeping already. I hung up feeling hurt. I could count on one hand the number of times Jake and I had gone without speaking to each other for a full day throughout our relationship.

As I turned off the lights, I automatically turned to the window. The pull was there once again. The same pull I'd felt last night that had drawn me to the window; that had me searching the woods for something, even though I knew there was nothing there to find. I forced myself away and towards the bed, feeling like an idiot.

Yet as I climbed into bed, my main emotion was anxiousness. As much as I refused to admit it to myself, I was aching to see Edward again. I closed my eyes to sleep, and my previous rule about not thinking about him before sleep went completely out the window. _What harm could it do now? _I reasoned with myself. Besides, the main reason for the rule was because I thought I'd never see him again; and in that context, dreaming and thinking about him had just brought me unbearable pain the next day. But now, when I knew I'd be seeing him again tomorrow, it was impossible to stop my mind from drifting to him; remembering our past, cherishing the few kisses we shared in our short but unforgettable time together, and knowing that in the few months during which Edward had been mine, I'd been able to love a lifetime's worth.

I woke up both excited and nervous the next morning.

It was finally Friday. I was finally going to see Edward and the rest of my family – that's what I considered them – again. My uneasiness however, came from my fear that after tonight, after I'd delivered Sam's message, the Cullens would want nothing more to do with me. Would they consider me a traitor for reminding them of a treaty they were perfectly aware of? Would they understand that I'd been given no choice, that it was either I deliver the message peacefully, or one of the werewolves?

I'd slept more or less peacefully again last night. I'd had dreams, I was sure. But they hadn't been enough to weigh me down this morning, and as a result I felt light and buoyant. I dressed quickly, anxious to get the day started. But before I left the house, I tried calling Jake again.

Billy answered the phone, again, and informed me that Jake was still sleeping. Jake was a late riser. Still, this had never stopped him from taking one of my calls before, and I was sure Jake must've instructed Billy not to pass the phone to him if I called. This was getting ridiculously out of hand

As I hung up, I realized I was going to have to make another trip to La Push this weekend if Jake kept refusing to speak to me.

The day went by in slow motion, and my nervousness at facing Edward and the rest of the Cullens grew. The more I thought about what Sam had instructed me to do, the more convinced I became that Edward and the rest would hate me for it. They would see it as a betrayal, and they'd banish me from their life as quickly as they'd let me back in. Edward would glare at me in disgust, and the hatred I would see in his eyes would be one thousand times worse than the indifference that had been there that day he'd left me in the woods. I changed my mind at least a hundred times during the day, first deciding not to say anything, and then deciding that I had to do it. Because if it wasn't me, then Sam would send one of the pack, and the result would most definitely be disastrous. But how? How could I tell them without making it sound like I was part of the pack? Without making it sound like a warning, not just from Sam but from myself?

By the time I made it back home that afternoon, I was a nervous wreck. I hadn't been able to listen in any of my classes all day, and I was no where nearer a decision on what, if anything I was going to say to the Cullens. I'd tried calling Jake again in between classes, to no avail. His cell phone went straight to voice mail, and there was no answer at the house phone.

I'd already told Charlie this morning that I'd be going to the Cullens' for dinner, and he'd mumbled something about going over to Billy's after work. I'd wanted to tell him to ask Jake to give me a call, but I decided against it. Jake and I were grownups. We'd work out our problems on our own, we didn't need my father to act as a go-between.

As I walked into my room to freshen up, I noticed something on my bed. I threw my bag off and walked over slowly, taking in the spread before me. From top, to bottoms, to shoes and accessories, an entire outfit had been carefully laid on the bed, a note folded over it. I grimaced and opened up the note, already knowing who it would be from.

'_Dear Bella, I did you the favor of picking out your outfit for tonight. I knew you'd be busy with your classes all day and wouldn't have time to do it yourself'_ – I rolled my eyes – _'I'll be back at 5 to pick you up. See you in a few! A.C. _

_P.S. – If you don't put these clothes on, I'll pick out something much worse when I come back! Love ya! A.C._

"Alice!" I groaned as I crumpled the letter up. I stormed angrily to the bathroom, to brush my teeth and change into the ridiculous outfit Alice picked out from me. I recognized the clothes as some of the items she'd picked out for me in New York last week. They'd been hanging in the back of the closet, with little chance of ever seeing the light of day. Little had I known, I supposed.

I walked out of the bathroom wearing the dark blue cashmere sweater and black skinny jeans – at least she'd stuck to jeans - Alice had picked out for me. As I was clasping the second sapphire earring on my other ear, I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was exactly five o'clock.

I ran downstairs to open the door, and Alice bounced up and down in excitement the second she saw me in the outfit she'd picked out.

"Bella! Yes! You wore the outfit!" she squealed in delight.

I smirked at her. "As if you didn't already know," I answered.

"Believe it or not Bella, I don't see everything!" she exclaimed in surprise; and then added "But yeah, I knew you'd wear it" in a smug tone.

As we walked out of the house and I locked the door behind me, I noticed that Alice had come in her own car, instead of running over here. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"For the last time" she sighed, "Are you sure you don't just want me to give you a ride and leave your car" - she said the word 'car' with disdain - "here?"

"No Alice" I answered emphatically. "So I guess we'll be riding in separate cars?"

Alice sighed again in defeat. "Yes, I suppose we will" she answered in a childishly whiny voice.

I laughed at her as she angrily stormed into her car, and I climbed into my little Beatle.

As we drove towards the Cullens' home, I felt increasingly agitated. What if I'd imagined everyone's welcoming faces from the other night? What if the Cullens weren't as happy to see me as I was to see them? What if they'd only agreed to this dinner, and to the whole helping me out with the store bit, because Alice had cornered them into it?

Worst of all, what if Edward didn't want to see me? What if he'd just stopped by to say hello a couple of days ago out of common courtesy? Dear Lord, what if he wasn't there tonight at all? Yes, he'd said he would be, but it wouldn't be the first time he said something and then changed his mind. I had no claim or hold on him.

The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that Edward would indeed not be there tonight. He'd probably realized how I'd looked at him the other night and decided it would be better to keep his distance from me. My anxiety grew, so that by the time we pulled into the Cullens' driveway, I thought I would go mad, and instead of overjoyed to being here, I was desperate to get home. I'd deliver Sam's cursed message and then be on my way.

Alice quickly came to my side as I got out of the car. She hooked her arm around mine and led me to the house. I could hear loud laughter coming through the front doors.

"Alright Bella, don't say I didn't warn you." Alice spoke in a sing-song voice, leading me up the stairs to the front porch.

The door quickly flew open, and Emmett bounded out in a flash, laughing and hollering loudly.

"Oh. My. God. Bella." he yelled through fits of laughter "please don't tell me that's what you drive nowadays!" he begged. I rolled my eyes at him, finally understanding Alice's attempts at getting me to leave my little Beatle at home. Emmett was going to tease me about my car endlessly.

"Hey" I turned to him "Don't…don't hate the car" I said, shaking my head.

"Bella!" he yelled "That's not a car! _That_ is an insect!"

I ignored him and followed Alice into the house. He continued laughing loudly.

"I think I preferred your old beat-up truck to that bug out there," he continued teasing as he followed us in, closing the door behind him.

"This is going to go on all night Bella," Alice warned, but I barely paid her or Emmett any attention.

For the first time in over four years, I was inside the Cullen home. For the very first time since my 18th birthday. I couldn't help but look around in awe.

Everything looked the same as it had all those years ago. The same furniture, the same fixtures, the same pictures and frames; even the piano was still there in the corner, although carefully covered by a large white sheet. It was as if I'd stepped back in time and was once again a teenager, coming over with Edward to spend an evening with his family before going off to his room to hide out by ourselves for a few hours. Only I was pretty sure that wasn't how this evening would end up.

Emmett seemed to notice the change in my mood and stopped laughing. Alice stood carefully next to me.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked in a soft tone.

I continued to look around the house, circling to take it all in.

"Yeah, sure" I answered her, distracted. Then I faced her. "It's just weird you know? Being back here."

"Yeah, I know." She smiled at me in encouragement.

"Bella! Welcome!" I turned towards the front room and saw Carlisle and Esme walking towards me, smiling welcomingly.

Before I could respond Rosalie and Jasper bounded in from the kitchen, and as they caught sight of me, each one gave me a wide smile. I smiled, relieved that they appeared to still be glad to see me.

Edward was missing though. My heart sank at the realization that I had been right before about one thing, about the worst thing. Edward had no interest in seeing me again.

As the rest of the Cullens surrounded me with their greetings, my eyes were suddenly inexplicably drawn to the top of the staircase. I looked up quickly.

There, standing at the top of the landing, was Edward.

He looked down at me and my breath caught as I took him in. He was holding on to the banister, staring at me intently, and as our eyes met, he flashed me a wonderfully crooked smile. I couldn't help the wide grin that took over my face. In that moment, the rest of the room disappeared, and I could've stood there forever just staring up at Edward and been content. I heard nothing else that was said to me, nor felt anyone else's touch. My body tingled with the electric pull I felt towards Edward, and I had to physically fight the urge to run up the stairs to him.

I watched him like a deer caught in headlights as he quickly descended the steps and stood before me in an instant, completely comfortable in moving at his normal vampire speed. It took me a bit by surprise -I hadn't seen anyone move that quickly in a long time- but I fought the urge to jump at his speed. The rest of the Cullens backed away slightly, just as quickly as they'd approached me.

"Bella" he whispered in his velvety voice, never breaking our gaze. His glorious smile grew wider.

"Edward" I answered. It was all I could say. I was too dumbstruck by his beauty, by the disbelief that I was actually looking at him again, standing before him; and it wasn't a dream.

"I'm very…pleased to see you again." He spoke formally, yet his eyes sparkled playfully.

"Me too" I answered. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something else. I cringed inwardly at my incoherence and forced myself to look away from him so that I could form a halfway sensible sentence.

"I…I was just telling Alice how strange it felt to be back here" I said, as my eyes wandered around the house again.

His smile faltered and he frowned.

"I hope you're not too uncomfortable being here. We can always go have dinner somewhere else" – his words came quick, the way I remembered they would when he was nervous – "Or perhaps arrange for-"

"No!" I stopped him quickly. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to be here, or that I didn't want him here. I wondered if perhaps he was nervous because he thought I harbored some deep-seated resentment towards this house, because of my disastrous 18th birthday.

"No" I repeated, a little less forcefully. "I'm fine. I just mean it's been a long time, you know?"

His smile returned, and I thought I saw some melancholy in his eyes.

"Yes, it has been a very long time."

I walked over to the large windows facing the side property. Standing there, you could just see the creek that flowed down the back of the Cullens' house, and the deep green forest beyond. Edward and I took many quiet walks down that creek. I loved climbing on his back as he'd swiftly and gracefully leap over the river banks, and then hand in hand we'd wander into the forest.

"Lots of memories" I murmured. I didn't realize I'd said it out loud until I heard Edward answer from right behind me.

"Yes, lots of wonderful memories" he added, and I thought I heard him sigh. He stood so close to me that his cool, sweet breath tickled the back of my neck as he spoke. I closed my eyes and shivered involuntarily, remembering the feel of his lips brushing my neck as he'd envelop me in his arms. I didn't dare turn back around, for fear that he would see through me and know exactly what I was thinking.

"Are you cold?" he asked. Of course he'd notice my shivering.

"I could have Esme pass you a sweater?"

"No…thanks, I'm fine. I just…felt a chill I guess." I lowered my eyes and walked around him, avoiding his gaze. I could feel his eyes following me as I walked towards Alice and the rest of the family.

"Come sit Bella" Esme invited in a tender voice. She turned to sit on the crisp white loveseat, patting the seat next to her. I walked over to her and took a seat at her side. Carlisle sat on the recliner opposite us, and the rest of the Cullens took seats on the adjoining sectional.

Except for Edward, who remained standing by the window, watching us with an unfathomably wistful expression. I fought the urge to ask him to move closer, and then felt like laughing at myself. Edward had been thousands of miles away from me for years; how silly of me to be concerned with having him just a few feet away now. And either way, I reminded myself, whether a thousand miles or 10 feet, he was still just as unreachable.

"Dinner's not quite ready yet, I hope you don't mind," Esme apologized. "We were hoping perhaps you'd like to catch up a bit first before we ate" she continued pleasantly.

"No, of course I don't mind" I assured her. "Esme, I really wish you all hadn't gone through all this trouble for me." I was embarrassed. I turned to face everyone. "You guys don't even eat!"

They all looked at me and laughed lightly.

"Nonsense Bella," Carlisle chimed in. "It was no trouble at all. We're truly honored that you'd agree to come over tonight. We've all been looking forward to having you here with us again." He glanced up at Edward quickly. Edward nodded his head in agreement.

"Now tell us about school Bella" Esme asked. She put her hand on top of mine in encouragement. Her cool touch felt welcoming. "How have you enjoyed attending college?"

We sat there as I explained my last four years of college to them. I told them how my love of literature had inspired me to become a Liberal Arts major. Charlie initially encouraged me to pick a business major, but the thought of working a nine to five job in an office, wearing a crispy blouse and well-ironed pants to work every day made me cringe. Jasper agreed that he definitely couldn't see me doing that.

I felt self-conscious talking about myself, and the conversation would occasionally pause. But after a few minutes, it became easier to talk about my college life, about how I'd decided to open up my own store, about our old friends from high school, and about the stress of all the finals that were coming up. They all appeared engrossed - even Rosalie - with every word I said, and would ask for more details when I was vague. We kept the conversation light, never venturing into talk about what had happened after they left. I was grateful for that. Because in the back of my mind, I knew once we entered that subject, I'd have to bring up the pack's message, and I feared that that would be when their contentment at having me here would end.

Throughout the conversation, I kept glancing up at Edward. He stood apart from the rest of us, but I noticed as the conversation went on that either purposely or accidentally, he began moving closer and closer to where we sat. As we began discussing the hated graduation dance that was approaching in a few weeks, I looked up and realized that Edward was standing almost right in front of me.

"Bella, so are you going?" Alice asked excitedly.

I smirked at her, pursing my lips. "What do you think?"

"Oh come on Bella!" Rose chided. "It's your College graduation party. You have to go!" she insisted. "This isn't some small town jamboree in the school's auditorium!" – I'd told them how the University of Washington was holding the Port Angeles' campus graduation ball at the Marriott in Downtown Seattle – "This is a full-fledged affair, black tie and everything!"

"Bella, graduating from College is a big thing" Edward said quietly. "It would be very different from a high school prom." His eyes were teasing, and I could see a sly smile playing on his lips.

"Oh my God, remember that?" Alice laughed. "Bella, I swear it took us weeks and weeks of planning to pull that off without you figuring it out! Edward was a nervous wreck the whole time. 'Alice help me pick out a dress for her, a blue one,'" - she mimicked Edward's perfect speech. I self-consciously looked down at the dark blue sweater Alice picked out for me tonight and felt my face turn red. – 'Alice which shoes do you think she'll prefer?', 'Alice what should I wear?' 'Alice do you think I can get her to dance with me?' Jeez" she continued to tease Edward, who was staring at me and smiling softly "you would've thought he was taking you to the President's Inaugural Ball or something!" Everyone laughed and Edward rolled his eyes at her.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "That was hard enough and it was just high school! Imagine me at a College dance!"

"You mean you've never been to any of your school parties?" Rose asked. She sounded appalled.

"No."

"Why not Bella?" Alice demanded. "Don't tell me it's because you can't dance." She raised her eyebrows at me. "Don't forget you and I went partying last week" she mused "and you were definitely getting down!"

I glared at her. She stood up and wiggled her hips, imitating my embarrassing lapse in judgment from a few days ago. I heard chuckles throughout the room. Alice giggled and plopped down on the floor, next to where Edward was standing, pulling him down with her. They both sat on the floor in front of me now, smiling up at me.

"You grinded those hips really well there missy" she teased again. I saw Edward glance over at her out of the corner of his eyes, a lopsided grin on his surprised face. I could only imagine what she was letting him see. My face burned and I pretended to pick lint off my lap.

"Hmm" Edward mused, looking straight at me. I looked up and met his eyes. They had that same look in them I'd seen a couple of days ago in the store, as if he were trying to hold something in. "She was always better at it than she gave herself credit for". He spoke to the room, but his eyes never left mine.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was as graceful as Grace Kelly herself there at prom, with that wonderfully clunky cast on my leg." I chuckled sarcastically, trying to keep myself from being dazzled by his unintentionally penetrating gaze.

Edward chortled himself at that one, and his eyes dropped down to my leg. I was sure he was recalling the huge cast I'd worn for months.

His hand suddenly shot out, and as if in slow motion, I watched with bated breath as he lightly let it rest on my knee. He sighed softly, and I stopped breathing altogether. The room was abruptly quiet and still, no one making a solitary move or sound.

"Okay, so that did hold you down a bit" he conceded with an easy smile. I heard playful snickers around the room.

"But once that cast came off, you were extremely graceful". His golden eyes took on a far away look, a small but careful smile still on his lips.

I instantly recalled the night of his birthday, the one and only birthday of his we'd spent together. It was the only other dance besides prom I'd ever had with Edward, and I remembered he'd told me almost exactly those same words that night, when we'd finally sat down after our dance.

'_You were extremely graceful'_ he'd said, looking down at me with all the love and adoration I'd come to expect from him by then. I was sure though, that tonight, Edward could not have been remembering the same night as me.

I stared back at him, my eyes wide with surprise. I was unable to speak, unable to move. The feel of his cool hand on my leg sent an electric jolt through my entire body. My fingers tingled from the deep yearning I was feeling to put my hand on top of his and hold it to my knee securely.

All at once, he blinked quickly a couple of times, and his eyes went down to his hand. He slowly but deliberately took it off my knee and returned it to his side, fisting both his hands tightly. Instantly, I felt the cold void on my knee, left behind where Edward's touch had been rescinded. My eyes followed the movements of his hand and then went back up to his face. He appeared torn. I could only guess that he regretted making what had in all honesty been to him just a friendly and playful gesture, because my face probably reflected the longing the gesture left behind.

"It was a good night" he whispered, and for a second, I let myself believe he had been recalling the same night as I, his birthday night. My heart beat wildly in my chest, and I was sure everyone in the room, including Edward, could hear it clearly. What explanation could I possibly give for that?

"Yeah…well" I mumbled nervously. "I was terrified all night that the second you moved away from me I would fall flat on my face and make a fool of myself in front of everyone in that auditorium." I focused the conversation on the dreaded prom, making it clear that I knew what night he was referring to, and trying to give some kind of explanation as to why my heart was beating so erratically.

His face became serious. He opened his mouth to say something, hesitating before he spoke.

"I would've never let you fall Bella," he promised, and the conviction in his tone rang out in every word. His face softened. "And you weren't that clumsy. You would've been fine standing alone without me for a while."

"Yes, I was that clumsy Edward," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "The only times I didn't stumble were when you were there to hold me up." I realized the words could've been interpreted for more than just the prom.

"Well how about that boyfriend of yours?" Emmett asked abruptly.

Audible gasps filled the room. My eyes shot to him immediately, stunned by the question he'd thrown at me.

"Doesn't he take you dancing or anything?" Emmett continued, apparently unaware of the death glare Rosalie was giving him at his side.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward tense on the floor, and when I looked back at him, his face was no longer soft anymore. His jaw was clenched tightly. He closed and opened his eyes slowly, glaring down at the floor.

"Jake's…not much for dancing" I faltered, looking down at my hands again. "Like me I guess" I added nervously. The conversation now entered dangerous territory. How would I be able to discuss Jake without discussing the message Sam had sent me to deliver?

I heard Edward suck in a sharp breath, slowly standing up, not looking at me. He stalked back over to the window, his back to us as he stared out at the darkness. I could tell by the way that his shoulders rose and fell that he was breathing hard.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. I debated with myself whether now would be the right time to bring up the pack's message. I didn't want to. I didn't want to end the night so quickly. But I knew I was being selfish. How long could I keep this up for? How long could I let the Cullens continue their hospitality, unaware of the threat I was about to deliver? It wasn't fair to them. For a second I felt a flash of anger at Sam and the pack, and even Jake, because it wasn't fair to me either. It wasn't fair of the pack to expect to say this to the Cullens. They would hate me for it, and Jake knew it. That's why he'd suddenly been so cocky about it the other night before he'd stormed out of my house.

Before I could decide what to do, Alice screeched in delight at my feet.

"Hey! I've got a great idea! Why don't we all go?" We all stared at her in confusion. "To Bella's graduation dance!" she added excitedly. I groaned.

"Alice, I'm not going!"

"Come on Bella! It'll be fun! We'll all go together! You don't have to worry about any of those college boys bothering you either! Emmett and Jasper can scare them off!" She glanced over at Edward quickly but didn't mention his name. "And Rose and I need an opportunity to show off the spring line I just had delivered for us from Paris last week" she flashed a conspiratorial smile at Rosalie.

"And you" she added narrowing her eyes at me "will have a chance to wear that Versace gown we got you last week in New York". I groaned louder and scowled at her. Esme looked at me sympathetically and took my hands in hers again.

"Bella please! Let's go!" she insisted on her knees beside me, desperately tugging at my legs.

"Alice, I'm afraid you'll have to count Esme and myself out of your plans," Carlisle interrupted Alice. "The college dance thing is not our scene".

Alice smirked at them. "Yes, I figured that" she said, rolling her eyes. "You two act more and more like old fuddy duddy's every day".

"Nevertheless," Carlisle continued, giving his daughter an exasperated smirk before turning back to me, "Esme and I would both be proud to have the honor of being present at your actual graduation Bella. If that's okay with you."

Tears sprang to my eyes. I was left momentarily speechless at the knowledge that these two wonderful people - who'd once been like a second set of parents to me and who'd treated me like their own daughter during the time their son and I had been together – wanted to be there for me during what would be a most significant milestone in my life.

"It would make me extremely happy to have you both there." I looked from Carlisle to Esme as I answered, my lips trembling slightly.

"But the rest of you are up for the dance, right?" Alice continued to root for the dance. Her voice held something of a threat in it as she looked over at where Rose, Emmett and Jasper sat glowering at her, knowing that they didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"It'll be fun, don't you think? Rose? Emmett? Jasper?" – she turned again and glanced over at Edward, who still stood by the window with his back to us, his head down – "Edward?" she added.

My head snapped in Edward's direction again, surprised by Alice's inclusion of him in her plans. I wasn't sure how he'd react to it.

Edward turned around slowly, his eyes resting on me. He looked frustrated all of a sudden, and I wished I knew why. Was it because he felt sorry for me? Because he thought that by going to the dance with us he'd be leading me on? I couldn't take that look in his eyes. I didn't want to see pity or frustration in his eyes towards me. His baffling stares pierced my heart, while his family's loving acceptance filled me with guilt for what I was putting off. _'Coward,'_ I reproached myself.

It was time, I told myself. Time to gather my courage and put this charade to an end. Graduation dances, store plans, dinners, none of it would matter any more once I told them what I had to. There was no point in letting any of this continue. They wouldn't want any part of my life -once again- once I told them about the pack's message. It would wipe the look of pity off of Edward's face, at least.

"Wait everyone, before we continue, there's something I've got to say." I inhaled deeply as I looked around the room, regretting the short time I'd been given back this family; I'd been given back Edward. Just a short summer would have been bad enough, but because of what I was about to say, it would be so much less than that. And they would hate me for it. How was I going to bear the knowledge that Edward hated me?

"Bella, why don't we continue over dinner?" Esme asked kindly. "I think it should be ready by now, and I don't want your roast to be overdone. Then we can discuss the dance, and the plans for your store, and anything else Alice wants to torture you with," she teased lightly.

Before I could say anything else, she took me by the hand and led me towards the dining room. The rest of the family followed behind. I tried to protest, but all at once, we were in the dining room and the sight of the beautiful table took my breath away.

The table had been prepared beautifully, although there was only one table setting; for me of course. Everything was there, all the trimmings you'd find at the fanciest restaurant; utensils for every course, wine glasses, water glasses, everything set out as if it were a real dinner party, instead of just a meal for one. Three elegant candelabras graced the middle of the table, each with three long white taper candles majestically rising out.

I felt the tears threatening at the corners of eyes, and fought to keep them contained. They were too good to me. And I was lying to them. I couldn't let this continue. They would feel even more betrayed if I let this continue, only to tell them at the end. I had to let them go now, before my need for them grew even more.

"Esme," I choked, my voice rough with emotion "you really shouldn't have done all this." My hand was still in hers, and she squeezed it gently.

"Nonsense, my dear. It was the least we could do." She appeared emotional herself. "We've all missed you so much Bella" she smiled affectionately. "And besides" she continued, a delighted twinkle in her eyes "I had nothing to do with setting up in here". She glanced over at Edward, who stood at the threshold to the dining room, apart from the rest of us again. "This was all Edward."

My eyes flew over to Edward. He appeared surprisingly self-conscious as he walked over to the table and picked up a box of matches sitting next to the candelabras. Carefully, he began lighting each candle. He looked up at me as he lit them, his golden eyes reflecting the flames that burned in each candle he lit.

"I hope everything is acceptable to you Bella." His breathing was slow and deliberate. My own breath was caught in my throat.

I put my head down -ashamed of myself- and one solitary traitor tear fell from my eye. Edward appeared at my side in an indistinguishable blur.

"Bella lo-" he paused, "what is it? What's wrong?"

"I've got to tell you something," I said shaking my head slowly, too ashamed to raise it and meet his eyes. "I've got to tell you all something."

My body trembled from being so close to him. I could feel his cool breath on my hair. My eyes went to his hand and I saw him quickly raise one out to me. He held it in mid-air for a couple of seconds and then slowly put it back down to his side. I thought I saw his body trembling slightly too, but then figured it was probably just my own shaking that had my eyes out of focus. Esme still held my hand, although she'd had to back up a bit to make room for Edward.

"Bella, sweetheart. You can tell us anything," Esme cooed. "Go ahead." Her soothing voice made me feel like I was five years old again, like she was my mom, holding me encouragingly.

With my head still lowered, I took a deep breath and let the words that would make them all hate me spill out.

"I have a message. From the Quileutes." I felt Edward stiffen at my side. His hands balled into tight fists. I grimaced and closed my eyes, forcing myself to continue.

"I've been told to remind all of you of the treaty." Someone, Emmett I suspected, growled menacingly, and my body shuddered.

All at once, I felt myself relax and let out a breath. I looked up and met Jasper's guarded yet calm face across the room. He, like the rest of the Cullens, appeared shocked at my words, but I also saw compassion in Jasper's face. He nodded at me slowly, and I knew he'd been responsible for the eerie calm that now filled the room.

I continued, avoiding Edward's glare. I knew if I looked at him and saw the hatred I was sure to find there, I wouldn't be able to continue.

"I have to remind you of the terms of the treaty. The Quileutes expect you to remain bound to the established boundaries, to remember that you are not to cross into the reservation under any circumstances" – I swallowed audibly – "and that the treaty calls for your agreement to not bite any human in Forks or the reservation." My voice trembled as I finished.

Silence filled the room. I was scared to meet any of their eyes, but as the silence continued, I knew I had to face them. I looked past Edward, who stood frozen next to me, and met Esme's eyes first. She looked heartbroken, and the sadness in her eyes broke me.

"Oh Esme, I'm so sorry" I begged, and she immediately took me into her arms, holding me tightly to her.

"Oh Bella, it's okay. I understand. Of course we remember the treaty. It's okay, shh," she comforted me, as the tears streamed down my face. "You can assure them we have every intention of honoring the treaty. It's okay," she continued reassuring me.

"I'm so sorry" I repeated through tears. My head rested on her shoulder. I couldn't bear not looking at him any longer, so I risked a look in Edward's direction.

His face was murderous. The hatred in his eyes was staggering, and I gasped in horror, unable to hide my dismay. He was breathing hard now, his nostrils flared, his eyes narrowed into slits, the gold hardened into onyx black.

I stared at him, unable to turn my face away from his angry glare, transfixed with the black in his eyes.

"Edward," Esme hissed, trying to turn his attention away from me, but his eyes never left mine.

"Edward, you're scaring her!" Esme admonished, still holding me tightly in her arms. Edward turned from me abruptly, and although I could only see his back now, I could tell his breathing was still erratic. But before anyone could say anything else, he stormed out of the room and in the next millisecond I heard the front door open and slam closed with a thunderous roar.

I looked up at Esme. The terrified look on her face only made me feel worse.

"Emmett, Jasper, let's go," Carlisle called out, rushing to the door. In an instant, the three of them were also gone.

I pulled away from Esme, agonized beyond comprehension. In all my nightmares, I had never imagined Edward glaring at me the way he just had. It was all I could do to keep myself from crumbling to the floor.

"He hates me now," I mumbled, barely recognizing my own voice. I sounded dead, monotone, beyond grief, beyond tears. Edward's hatred left me cold, left me unfeeling. I was numb.

"Oh no sweetheart. No!" Esme said quickly, pulling me into her arms again. "Never think that! Edward could _never_ hate you! No!" she repeated, shaking her head with a stiff smile.

"Bella, Edward's not mad at you." Alice quickly walked over to me and put her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles into me.

I looked at her in disbelief. "Did you see the way he looked?" I questioned.

Alice sighed sadly. "He's mad Bella, yes. _Extremely_ mad" she said, looking away from me momentarily. Her brows came together and her nose scrunched up, as if she were smelling something disgusting. She turned back to me.

"But he's not mad at you. Trust me," she urged.

"Then what-?"

"He's upset that they'd ask you to deliver the message. That they would use you like that".

"But it wasn't like that." I was surprised by my desire to defend the pack, even though I'd just been upset at them myself for asking me to deliver the message. "If I didn't do it then Sam, their leader" I explained "would've had to ask one of the…pack to do it," I explained.

"It was unnecessary!" Rose challenged. She moved closer to us, but kept a further distance from me than Alice and Esme had. "How stupid do those dogs think we are? As if we need to be reminded of the treaty!" she growled.

Alice and Esme didn't say anything, but from the looks on their faces I was sure that they agreed with Rose's statement.

"Where…where did Edward and the rest of them go?" I asked, gently pulling away from Esme to stand on my own now.

Alice looked pensive, as if she were concentrating on something. She hesitated before answering me. "Edward just needed to blow off some steam. The boys will catch up to him before he does anything…impulsive." She looked as if she wasn't entirely happy about that.

"In any case," Alice continued, clasping her hands together under her chin, "I think Esme's dinner is beyond ready now. You should probably sit down and eat so we can finally get to the plans for your store!," she said more excitedly, as if what had just happened had absolutely no bearing on our reunion tonight.

"You mean…" I didn't want to get my hopes up, "you mean you still want me to stay for dinner? And you still want to help me with the store?"

The three women looked at me and laughed pleasantly, as if I'd just told the funniest joke.

"Oh Bella, Bella, Bella" Rosalie chuckled. "You'd better get used to the fact that you're stuck with us," she looked at Alice, "especially with that one," she teased – Alice stuck her tongue out at her – "and there isn't a damn thing those dogs of yours can do about it".

I cringed at her slightly derogatory term for the pack, but at the moment, I was too ecstatic to care too much. The Cullens still wanted me. And as horrified as I'd been by Edward's anger, Alice insisted he didn't hate me. I had to trust that. I had to trust that Alice had been able to see why he'd reacted the way he had, and that, even if he didn't feel anything more than kindness towards me, at least it hadn't turned into hatred. That was something I could never bear.

We sat down at the table as Esme brought out the elaborate spread she'd prepared for me. After what had happened, I honestly wasn't that hungry anymore. But with all the trouble Esme had gone through to prepare this meal for me, I couldn't refuse it. Besides, it was really, really delicious! I'd forgotten how good Esme cooked, which was still absolutely shocking, considering she didn't eat human food.

Edward and the rest still hadn't returned by the time we'd finished – or rather I'd finished – dinner, and I was starting to get worried. We moved back to the front room, where Alice and Esme pulled out the elaborate plans they'd prepared for my little bookstore in Forks. In all honesty, the plans were well thought out, but I could hardly focus on any of it. My eyes kept flying back to the door, willing Edward to walk back through it. I could barely concentrate on anything else.

If Alice, or Esme and Rosalie for that matter, noticed my distraction, they did not let on. They talked on and on about the plans, moving on to the next detail as soon as I gave a half-hearted yes or a nod to any of their suggestions.

Finally, we finished going over the plans, and Alice reassured me they'd be at the store bright and early the next morning, ready to get to work.

Esme excused herself to clean up in the kitchen and took Rose along with her to help, while Alice went into the study to look up some permit information on the Internet. I was left alone in the great front room, with a promise from Alice that she'd be right back. I sat alone in the loveseat, anxiously waiting for Edward's return.

Looking around the room once again, I was bombarded with flashes from the past. I looked towards the middle of the room and could almost see Edward and Emmett wrestling there, Emmett's frustrated face as he shouted 'Cheater!' to Edward whenever he'd anticipate Emmett's next move, Alice bounding down the stairs with a new outfit for me to try on, Rosalie glaring at me from across the room as I sat next to Edward on the loveseat, and his threatening growls at her until she'd finally turn away, Jasper rolling on the floor in fits of laughter every time one of those "Priceless" MasterCard commercials would come on and he'd manipulate his brothers' emotions and make them sob tearlessly. I chuckled quietly to myself.

I glanced up the staircase leading up to the bedrooms.

Edward's bedroom.

Where we'd spent countless hours reading, listening to music, talking, tangled in each other's arms on his large black leather armchair.

I found myself walking away from the loveseat, towards the staircase. Looking up, I wondered what I'd find in Edward's room now. How different would his room be now? It had been empty for so many years. Did he still have the armchair, or would he have replaced it with something else? What had he added to his music collection? To his book collection? Were there clues there that would let me know how he'd spent the past few years? Did I really want to know? What if…-ugh! the thought itself caused a severe wave of nausea to run through me- what if he'd left someone behind in New York? What if he'd found another, much more interesting distraction?

No!

I held on tight to the banister with one hand and clutched my heart with the other as the thought ripped through my chest. The thought of Edward loving someone else, kissing someone else… It was pure torture.

Yet at the same time, a small part of me realized how completely hypocritical I was being. I'd found someone else. Edward had been alone for decades, never finding the right person to complete him. Couldn't I be big enough to wish happiness for him? To wish him the love that had eluded him for decades? He deserved to find whatever he was looking for. Even if what he'd been looking for hadn't been me.

Was there anything I'd recognize in that room? How much had it changed? How much had _he_ changed? What would his room tell me about the person Edward Cullen was today?

I had no right to wonder. It wasn't any of my business anymore, none of it. Not what his room looked like, not what he'd collected over the past few years, not who he'd been with over the past few years...

Yet, I couldn't stop myself as I began the slow climb to the second level of the house. I silently asked myself what the hell I was doing, but the knowledge that this was very wrong wasn't enough to deter me, and I was halfway up before I was startled by a velvety smooth voice behind me.

"Bella?"

I flew around.

**Okay guys. Sorry to stop it here, but once again, it got too long and I had to split it up. I'll post the other chapter over the weekend and then, yes, I promise for real this time. Edward's POV and the Edward/Jacob face-off!**

**And please and thank you for reviews? They make the updates come quicker. Really they do. **


	14. Chapter 15 The Eve

**A/N: Okay, guys. Here we go. I know everyone's desperate to get back to Edward's POV, but Bella had a few things going on first. Hope you enjoy this chapter and seriously, Edward is next.**

**I'd like to thank my two wonderful Betas, danna0724 and ADgroovy. Seriously, without their wonderful skills, Bella would be driving Snoopy and Jake would be the mind reader (Believe me, you don't want to know). Thanks for keeping me in line girls. I may need them to beta my author's notes too, since I had a word missing in my previous one. It was supposed to say "…from people who really ****hate**** Jake!" for anyone who got confused by that!**

**And finally, all these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Let's stop bugging her for Midnight Sun because I just read a new posting on her website where she basically repeats that she's not going to finish it until everyone backs off.**

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**Chapter 15 – The Eve**

…_And when we meet, which I'm sure we will, all that was there will be there still. I'll let it pass and hold my tongue, and you will think that I've moved on. – Dido, White Flag _

_We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. - W. Somerset Maugham __  
_

**Bella**

I couldn't stop myself as I began the slow climb to the second level of the house. I silently asked myself what the hell I was doing, but the knowledge that this was very wrong wasn't enough to deter me, and I was halfway up before I was startled by a velvety smooth voice behind me.

"Bella?"

I flew around. Edward was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking up at me curiously.

"Edward! I…" As I quickly descended the stairs, I realized I had no half-way decent excuse for being where I was.

Before I could try to explain myself though, Edward cut me off.

"Bella, I'm _so_ sorry about before. I didn't mean to upset you. Alice just told me you thought I was upset at you. But Bella, please" - his face looked agonized – "you must know I could _never_ be angry with you". His voice was distressed, but I couldn't understand why he was apologizing to me.

"No Edward. _I'm _sorry" I insisted. We stood facing each other. "I had no right…no right at all to come into your house that way, accept your family's hospitality, and then…then deliver such a shameful message. Please believe I meant no disrespect to either you or your family-"

Edward took my hand in his, holding it lightly and gently. For the second time tonight, my heart completely stopped. The electric pulse his touch sent through me made me tingle all the way up to my scalp. Yet he obviously had no idea of the reaction his merely friendly touches were stirring in me. They were meant to be nothing but comforting.

"Bella, please" he pleaded. He kept his eyes on our hands "never apologize to me. I understand things are different now." His voice sounded almost melancholic. But when he looked up at me I saw an angry gleam in his eyes once more. "I just…I never thought that he'd actually…" he stopped and looked down at our hands again, and then slowly put my hand back down to my side and let go. He exhaled, sounding frustrated, and turned from me, walking away slowly.

Abruptly, he wheeled around to face me again, wildly running his fingers through his messy bronze hair. I watched him curiously, wondering what had him so incensed.

"Bella, can we go outside for a few minutes and talk? There are some things I need to say to you."

I'd been hoping to avoid this awkward conversation since the other day, back in my store. Edward had something on his mind, something having to do with the things I'd told Alice about back in New York. What he wanted to discuss, I had no idea, but I knew that none of it would make for a comfortable discussion between Edward and I. However, if I still knew Edward at all, I would guess that -based on how regretful he looked right now, very much like Alice had looked in New York- he wanted to apologize. Apologize for not seeing what happened with Laurent and Victoria, and apologize for how crazy I'd behaved after he left.

This was something I couldn't allow. What had happened with Laurent and Victoria, and the things I'd done after he left for that matter, were not his fault. And hearing him apologize for them would just remind me of how insane I'd been. I couldn't relive that now, with him standing here in front of me.

"Edward, really, there's no need-"

"Yes, Bella. There is" he insisted. "Please just give me a few minutes of your time and then I promise not to bother you again."

His eyes burned into mine, pleading me to allow him to ease his unnecessarily guilty conscience, and then be free of me. Yet as much as granting him this final freedom from me tore at my heart, I would give it to him. If it gave him peace, then I would give it to him. How could I refuse?

"Alright Edward" I sighed, feeling resigned. "Sure. Let's talk."

His features relaxed slightly. He appeared relieved that I'd agreed to speak to him. Although we both knew that going outside to talk would merely give us a façade of privacy; his family would be able to hear almost everything if they were so inclined.

I made my way through the front door, descending the porch steps and walking towards the dark forest behind the Cullen mansion. I could feel rather than here Edward following close behind. He walked after me silently as I blindly made my way through the thick trees with only the filtered moonlight streaming from the sky to guide me. In another time, Edward would've never let me walk in these dark woods without holding on to me, steadying my clumsy footing, ensuring that I didn't trip over some misplaced rock or broken branch. But those days were gone, and I comforted myself by pretending that even though he wasn't holding me, he was close enough to catch me quickly if the need arose. If I tripped right now, would he let me fall?

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't realized how far we'd walked until I heard the river up ahead, and then saw the glittering light reflected off the water. I stopped, realizing I'd be unable to go any further on foot.

I turned around and Edward was right behind me, close enough to touch if I reached out to him. The moon was full tonight, and it illuminated Edward's perfect features, the light bouncing off of his almost sparkling hair, and reflecting off of his tawny eyes.

"Alright Edward." I breathed in, trying to build up my confidence for this talk. "What did you want to talk about?"

Edward shuffled his weight from one foot to the other nervously. He swallowed and cleared his throat before speaking. He looked as if he were about to confess to a horrible crime.

"Bella," his voice was hoarse and tortured, and I involuntarily cringed at the sound. I didn't want to hear him or see him like this. I was so used to him always looking calm and collected, used to his velvety voice always sounding so confident. This Edward looked sad and broken, and I didn't know why. He looked almost…human.

'_I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human.'_

The words echoed in my mind, a memory from the past. The last time Edward and I had stood in the middle of the forest together, he'd reminded me he wasn't human. As if I'd ever forgotten. He looked far from human that day in the woods. His eyes had been hard and distant, frozen topaz and nothing else. But tonight, even by the light of the moon, he looked much more human to me than he ever had. But for some reason, the human in him looked full of torment.

"First I need to tell you" he stopped, searching for words "I need to tell you how unimaginably sorry I am about everything you had to go through after…after I left."

"Edward, you don't have to do this," I began.

"Yes Bella! I do!" he insisted, the words coming out so roughly they were almost a growl.

"Please, let me try to explain something to you," he pleaded. He paused, as if to compose himself, and then continued in a slightly more subdued tone.

"Please believe that I had no idea, no idea whatsoever of the mess I was leaving behind when I…left." He swallowed once again.

"I know that Edward. I really do." I tried to make my voice reassuring.

He continued as if he hadn't heard me. "I thought you'd be safe. I had no idea that Laurent and Victoria" -he spat the names out with disgust- "would come for you. I thought that once James was finished, that would be the end of it."

His eyes took on a far away look and he turned away from me, staring out into the river. His voice became almost a whisper, and I had to strain to hear him over the flowing waters.

"I didn't see the strength of the bond Victoria felt towards James." He sounded as if he were berating himself as he spoke. As if the connection should have been extremely obvious to him. "I…I didn't know…" His voice trailed off and he dropped his head, shaking it back and forth reproachfully.

"Edward" I whispered, my voice almost as low as his. I was desperately anxious to somehow take this undeserved guilt away from him.

I raised my voice when he didn't look up at me. "Edward, it's _okay._" I strained my neck over to his line of sight, willing him to raise his head so he could see the sincerity in my eyes and in my words.

"Look at me" I asked, once I realized he wasn't going to raise his head voluntarily. I waited for his eyes to once again meet mine, and then I forced myself to stay calm, to remain coherent even as he gazed intently into my eyes.

"I don't blame you for _any_ of it Edward. I never have. Please believe that." He shook his head and smiled sadly, but the smile did not reach his eyes. I could see in his eyes that he still held himself fully accountable.

"Hey. I'm still here, right?" I smiled up at him, trying to change that look in his eyes. "I'm still in one piece" I offered. Immediately, I regretted the last sentence as I watched him cringe at my choice of words. I knew what he would hear in them, and I knew what he'd be picturing.

He snorted at my insufficient words of comfort, shaking his head again. I could see I wasn't getting through to him. His face was still a mask of self-inflicted misery.

"Bella, it's not in your nature to hold grudges, I know that. But I know I am to blame! How could I not? I brought them down on you. And then I wasn't even here to…" his voice trailed off yet again, leaving me to wonder what he'd been about to say, but then he continued talking. "Had I known they'd come for you I wouldn't-"

This was exactly what I hadn't wanted to hear; that he felt sorry for me. That maybe, had he known about Laurent and Victoria's vendetta towards me, he would've stayed. He would've stayed to protect me.

But that wasn't what I wanted. That could never have been what I wanted. I would've never wanted him to stay out of pity, or because he felt he owed it to me to keep me safe. A desire to keep me safe did not equal loving me. And Edward had stopped loving me. He'd told me so in the woods that night. That was all there was to it, plain and simple. At that point, there had been no reason for him to stay anymore, and I understood that. I had to let him know that I understood that.

"Edward stop!" I demanded. He was startled out of his misery by the forcefulness of my voice. But I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand here and watch him berate himself over things that had been beyond his control. Because he couldn't control falling in and out of love, no more than he could've controlled a sick sadistic vampire hell-bent on revenge. I had to let him know that I would've never expected him – or wanted him – to stay with me once he realized he no longer loved me. Not out of some misplaced obligation to protect me from myself.

"You _have_ to stop blaming yourself for things that happened that were beyond your control!" My voice sounded lecturing.

"But-"

"No! No buts! None of it was your fault! None of it! What Victoria chose to do was because of Victoria, not because of you! What Laurent did was because of Laurent, not because of you. And it wouldn't have made any difference" – I looked down at my hands and forced myself to say the words, even though they were killing me, to release him of his guilt – "whether you were here or not." I saw him recoil at my words, obviously not expecting them.

"So please don't feel guilty for leaving when you did." I looked back up at him, and he suddenly looked even paler than usual. I figured the brightness of the moonlight must be playing tricks with his skin tone.

"Bella, please let me-"

"No Edward. Let me finish. I know Alice probably let you in on most, if not all, of what I told her last week."

"Bella, she didn't show me everything" he quickly confirmed.

I briefly wondered what parts she'd left out, but I didn't have time to dwell on that now. I'd think about that later.

"Alright. Either way, you have to understand. I'm _okay_. Things were…difficult for a while, yes" – I turned my face away, towards the river; willing my voice and features to remain calm, composed – "but like I told her, everything's fine now. Really." I thought I heard my voice crack a bit at the end, but I wasn't sure. I wondered how convincing I sounded. How could I convince him that he didn't owe me anything?

I slowly raised an arm, placing it gingerly on his hard shoulder, wanting to show him that _I_ was also capable of friendly gestures of comfort. Unfortunately, the second my hand made contact with him, I was once again met with a jolt of electric current that raced from my hand all the way down to my toes. I had to force myself to remain still and not shudder in response. I thought I felt him tense slightly also, but I made my hand stay in place. I had to show him that I was capable of being friends with him.

"Everything worked out fine Edward." I spoke in a calm, soothing voice.

"Everything is…as it should be." '_As if you'd never existed'_ I thought to myself sadly, looking away. I injected my words with as much conviction as I could muster. He needed to know that I didn't expect anything from him; not apologies, and not explanations. I had to convince him that I'd moved on, as he'd wanted me to. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around me anymore.

When I looked back at Edward, I was surprised to see that instead of the relief I'd expected to see in his eyes at my words, he looked taken back, even more pained than before. Good Lord, was there anything I could say right to him? What did he want from me? What did he need to hear to make him smile again, the way he had when I'd first landed in his arms the other day in the store? The way he had just earlier this evening, inside his house.

He stared back at me. His eyes were darker, almost black, and his mouth was set in a grim, straight line.

"Everything is as it should be?" he repeated, narrowing his eyes at me. I couldn't understand why he sounded so…crushed.

"Yes."

He made a grunting noise which I assumed was an acknowledgement, looking out over the river again. He seemed to be staring at it without really seeing it.

"Everything is as it should be," he repeated once again in a whisper, more to himself than to me. I didn't respond this time, assuming it was a rhetorical statement.

He turned back to me, looking at my hand, still on his shoulder.

"What about the werewolves?"

His question caught me off guard. My eyes widened with surprise. I hadn't been expecting to transition into this now. I quickly dropped my hand, bringing both my hands down in front of me, nervously playing with them.

"Wh…What?" I asked, even though I'd heard him clearly.

"What about the werewolves Bella?" he repeated slowly. His eyes had a new intensity to them.

"What about them?" My voice was wary. I felt my heartbeat pick up pace again.

Edward took a deep breath, staring at me intently again. I knew the act of breathing was completely unnecessary for him, just like I knew that when he breathed heavily like this, he was measuring his words carefully.

"Bella," he began. He cocked his head to the side, speaking to me in a voice and giving me a look that said that I should've known exactly what about them.

"We need to discuss the werewolves. There are things you need to know. The wolves aren't-"

"The wolves aren't anything _we_ need to discuss Edward," I replied carefully.

He was quiet again for a few seconds, and I wondered if he was going to drop it, or if he was just picking his words again.

"Bella, you have to listen-"

I turned around, walking back towards the house now. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach out an arm to pull me back, but I quickly moved my arm out of the way and started walking away even quicker.

"Bella please!" he called out, and once again went for my arm, this time grabbing it gently and swinging me around to face him again. I looked up to find his face was only inches from me now. I kept my eyes diverted from his gaze.

I wasn't sure where he was going with this now, but I'd learned enough in the past few days of how vampires and werewolves felt about each other, and I wasn't doing this. I'd already had it out with Jacob –twice- over the vampires; I wasn't going to go through the same thing now with Edward over the werewolves. I wasn't getting caught in the middle of this supernatural enmity. And I could never take sides.

"Edward, I've got to get going". I refused to look at him, keeping my gaze diverted to his side instead. I tried to turn away again, but he was still holding on to my arm, gently but firmly.

"No Bella. This is important." I looked at him directly now, surprised by the vehemence of his tone, and honestly, by his refusal to let go of me. I could feel his breath on my face as he breathed in and out, and that, combined with his intense gaze, were making it difficult for me to breathe, much less think straight. I marveled at the power he still held over me. But nonetheless, I couldn't allow this to continue. I had to break this spell. _I had to_. I closed my eyes so that I could focus and gather my wits.

"Edward" I spoke to him with my eyes still closed. "There's nothing else to say about that subject. There's nothing there you and I need to discuss. Just let it go. _Please_." I opened my eyes. He was staring at me profoundly, and he looked torn. As when we'd been in the store, I thought I saw so many secrets floating around in his eyes, and I wanted so badly to ask him to confide them in me. But then I wondered if I'd really want to know what those secrets were.

Almost as if someone had smacked his hand away, Edward quickly let go of my arm. I frowned, wondering what exactly he'd heard in my words. But before I could replay the sentence for myself, I heard Alice's voice calling me anxiously from the darkness ahead.

"Bella?"

"I'm here Alice" I responded. Edward and I stared at each other for a few seconds longer, before I closed my eyes again, shaking my head back and forth quickly, as if that action could somehow shake away the burn his gaze left behind. I turned in the direction of Alice's voice. I felt Edward trailing me once again, but staying further back this time.

Once we reached Alice, she looked worriedly from me to Edward. How much had she heard? I wondered. I tried giving her an encouraging smile, letting her know everything was okay.

"Are you okay?" she asked anyway, and I was amazed by how well she could see through me. They all could. She gave Edward a narrow glare, and he stared back at her blankly.

"Yeah, sure." I forced my voice to remain steady. "But I have to get home Alice. It's been a long day, and I'm really tired." Alice's face fell.

"But we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, I guess." I tried to make my voice upbeat. Alice smiled lightly.

"Bella, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," I heard Edward whisper behind me, and I saw Alice shoot him a menacing glare.

"No, really. I'm just tired," I reassured him without turning to face him.

The three of us stood there under the dark, wet sky. I looked up at the massive trees that surrounded the Cullen property. They were the same trees I'd looked down on so many times years before, from Edward's room. Their majestic trunks looked familiar, inviting yet intimidating all at once.

"I need to get some studying done tonight." I couldn't understand my need to keep explaining myself. "I've got final exams coming up in a couple of weeks."

It was just an excuse, I knew. I hadn't been able to get any real studying done since I'd returned from New York last week, and I doubted that tonight would be any different. There was just so much going on in my head lately, I couldn't even focus on the words in front of me when I tried to study. I was honestly beginning to fear for my diploma at this point.

"Alright Bella," Alice agreed, sounding resigned. "I suppose it is late, for a human," she teased.

"Let's go back inside so I can say bye to everyone." I couldn't help but feel slightly comforted by the disappointed looks on both Alice and Edward's faces at my departure. I slipped my arm through Alice's as we walked back into the house. In the past few days, Alice and I had comfortably slipped back into the type of relationship we'd had before she left. As he walked quietly behind me, I wondered if things would ever feel as comfortable between Edward and me.

The rest of the Cullens were all gathered in the front room again; Emmett and Jasper on the floor, battling each other at some video game, Rosalie giving Emmett a massage as he yelled and cursed at the screen, while Esme and Carlisle sat in the loveseat talking quietly with each other.

I said my goodbyes to everyone, and they all reminded me they'd see me again this weekend. Emmett took some more cheap shots at my car, betting Jasper that he could 'eat that bug' in 20 minutes.

"Don't you dare take him up on that bet Jasper!" I called out as I walked to the door with Alice.

At the door I turned to give Alice a goodbye hug, but she backed away.

"I'm taking you back home Bella. No need to say bye to me just yet."

I put my hands on my hips and pursed my lips.

"You know, that's not really necessary. I can get home just fine all by myself."

"Oh, I'm sure you can" she assured me. "But we still have some unfinished business," she said, turning me around and hooking her arm around mine as we walked out the door.

"Yeah? Like what?" I questioned curiously.

"Um, like your graduation dance. You still haven't said yes," she reminded me.

I groaned loudly, hearing everyone's laughter behind me as we walked to my car.

"Good luck with that Bella!" I heard Jasper call out.

I'd been disappointed once inside and saying my goodbyes to everyone, to find that Edward had disappeared. I assumed he'd had enough of me for the night, and had retreated to his room, or to whatever distraction he could find for the night. So I was surprised to spot him leaning casually against my car.

"Edward" Alice acknowledged him, giving him a bemused smile.

I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

"Well, I'm certainly not going to let two young ladies drive home unescorted tonight, now am I?" He smiled easily now. And despite the fact that he was being somewhat chauvinistic, I couldn't help but smile back at him just as easily.

"Um, Edward, you do realize what year it is, don't you?" I teased.

"Chivalry has no time period Bella." His face was serious, but I could see an amused twinkle in his eye. "I don't know what you've gotten used to in the past few years, but a real man never lets a lady go home unescorted." I knew exactly who the jab was intended for, but I chose to ignore it for the time being. The conversation was finally flowing smoothly between us, and I didn't want to ruin it.

"I can take care of myself Edward." My voice was playful, but serious. I wanted him to understand that I wasn't the helpless teenager I used to be.

"I'm sure you can Bella, but humor me please," he asked, as I unlocked the car with the remote, and he started to climb into the driver's seat. I heard him mumble something under his breath, and I thought I caught the words "not…goodbye yet." I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"Hold on a sec there mister" I said to him playfully, feeling more at ease with our mutual banter now. "You want to come along for the ride, that's fine. But I'll be doing the driving, thank you very much."

He looked at me and smirked, raising an eyebrow as I walked over to the driver's side and pulled him out by his arm. Alice laughed playfully as she climbed into the back of the car.

I climbed into the driver's seat, and Edward went to sit in the front passenger's seat. As I turned the ignition on, I watched him in amusement as he adjusted the car seat to fit his 6'2" frame. It was true, my Beetle was not built for anyone over 6 feet tall, which was why Jake never rode in it. We always traveled in his car when we went out.

Edward huffed and exaggerated his movements as he pulled on the lever under the seat to push his seat back, turning to me with a frustrated glare. I frowned at him, daring him to say something about my car, but he remained silent, except for the louder than necessary sharp breaths he took in, as his legs remained cramped in the front of the car.

I turned my attention back to the road, smiling wickedly at Edward's melodramatic discomfort. Through the rearview mirror, I could see Alice doing the same. Our eyes met and we both started laughing hard. Edward feigned irritation, glaring at me and Alice, but I could see his lips fighting a twitch.

"Seriously Bella. A Beetle? I mean, at least the Chevy had character. This thing is just…"

"Don't start on me about cars Edward" I warned him. "It does its job, it gets me where I need to go. That's all I need."

"You really should've just let him get you that Audi for your birthday," Alice chimed in from the back.

I froze, all the blood draining from my face as I remembered the car Edward had wanted to buy me for my 18th birthday. Beside me, I could see Edward tense up at Alice's words also, and I saw as he shot her a threatening look through his sideview mirror.

"I'm just saying," Alice retorted.

We rode in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. My mind had unwillingly been brought back to that dreadful afternoon almost five years ago now. The day when everything changed, when Edward began realizing that being with me wasn't worth the effort. Edward sat quietly next to me, looking straight ahead, still as a statue, and I wondered what he was thinking of. I wondered if his mind was on the same day mine was on, although he probably remembered it differently than I did. He'd remember it as the day when he finally came to his senses and realized that I was no good for him.

'_You're not good for me Bella.'_

The words attacked me as if they'd just been spoken a moment ago, and I cringed involuntarily, tightening my hold on the steering wheel. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's head turn towards me slightly, and I struggled to compose myself.

"Bella, so-you-still-haven't-answered-me-are-we-going-to-the-dance-or-what" Alice's voice broke the silence. Her sentence had been spewed in a dizzying hurry, as if desperate to break the suffocating silence. I had to replay it in my mind to understand what she'd said. I was grateful for the change, even if the new subject was less than pleasing.

"Oh Alice, come on! Are you really going to make me do this?" I pleaded. I glanced at her through the rearview mirror, and saw as that familiar far away look overtook her, the one that meant she was seeing something that wasn't quite there yet.

"Yes. I am," she answered triumphantly.

I groaned and turned my eyes back to the road. Edward chuckled lightly from the seat next to me. I sighed in defeat.

"Then why bother asking me then?" I whined childishly. "You already know you're getting your way!"

"Yay!" she exclaimed, in a surprisingly subdued tone. I guessed she was trying to control her enthusiasm while confined to such a small space. But one more quick glance in the rearview mirror confirmed that she was so excited she was ready to bounce out of her seat.

"Bella, you'll have a great time, you'll see," Alice encouraged. "We all will, won't we Edward?" Before he could respond, she added "And I'm going to make sure you're the Belle of the ball. Right Edward?"

Edward turned to look at me directly, and the feel of his stare on me, boring down on me in such a confined space, sent chills up my spine. I kept my eyes on the road, forcing myself to focus on my driving. If we crashed into a tree, the tree and I would be the only ones getting hurt.

"I'm sure she'll be the most beautiful creature there," he whispered. I felt the blood rush to my face this time, my heartbeat racing from the unexpected compliment. And I knew that no matter how dark it was in the car's interior, Edward would see it all. My blush, my increased heart rate, and the way I was gripping the steering wheel for dear life now.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'll look splendid tripping and stumbling my way through the ball," I joked, trying to distract myself from Edward's words. In my mind, I knew they meant nothing. It was just Edward, ever the eternal gentleman, being chivalrous and polite to the very end. But it was my heart that I had to convince of this fact. It was my heart that controlled my blushes and my beats. And it was my heart that jumped in joy at his seemingly heart-felt, yet probably frivolous compliment.

"You'll do fine Bella." He spoke to me soothingly, still staring in my direction while I kept my eyes fixed on the road. "You've never seen yourself or your abilities clearly enough."

I remembered how he used to tell me that. He was always trying to convince me that I was more than what I saw in the mirror, although I knew – as he'd obviously realized himself at some point – that when it came to me, what you saw was what you got. There was nothing more than that.

I let out a short chuckle, knowing he was still being his polite self.

"Yeah, I'm a regular Ginger Rogers."

He chuckled and turned his head away from me, looking out his passenger side window now. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. His gaze had been unintentionally burning me. Still, I got the feeling he wanted to say something else, but after a few seconds of silence, I assumed the conversation was over.

"Well, if you'll promise to save me a dance, I can pretend to be Fred Astaire." He kept his eyes on his window, so I couldn't see his expression when he said it, but his velvety voice was smooth and fervent.

Oh God. He was killing me. He was just trying to be polite, but he was killing me.

"Sure, I'll see if I can fit you in my dance card." My voice trembled slightly. I was desperate to keep our conversation playful, to not let my foolish heart take his words seriously. I knew he didn't know what his friendly remarks were doing to me. There was nothing romantic in his words, and I should've been able to take them for the amiable exchange that it was. But my feelings were getting in the way. It dawned on me suddenly that I would never be able to see Edward as just a friend, the way he saw me now. And although to him, our conversation was nothing more than two friends kidding with each other, his words touched my heart in a way they should not have been able to any longer.

He chuckled lightly again, and turned to look at me. He sighed quietly.

"Please make sure that you do." His voice was low but acute. I had to fight to keep myself from turning in his direction. The electric current I always felt when he was near me was almost overpowering, demanding that I turn to him. Yet I knew that if I turned to face him, I'd get lost in his golden eyes, and considering I was trying to learn to see him as a friend, and that I was the one driving the car, I knew taking my eyes off the road right now would be a very bad idea.

"So, does this thing at least go faster than the truck did Bella?" Alice broke the tension from the backseat, abusing my little car again.

"You know, I realize it never made any difference to any of you, but this town's speed limit is 55 miles per hour on most roads. And even less than that on some. I've never had any problems at all with its speed," I replied dryly.

"Hmph. I could run faster than this on one leg and blindfolded," Alice snickered.

"Keep it up and you may have to!" The threat came out louder than I'd expected it to, and Edward burst out into laughter. Alice glowered at me from the backseat.

After a few seconds, Edward's laugh died down, as Alice glared at both of us from the back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's lips twitching, fighting another fit of laughter, as he watched Alice from his side view mirror. But when I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw that Alice was fighting a fit of giggles herself, and I instantly knew they were sharing some secret crack about my car.

"Go ahead, say it out loud," I dared them. They both started laughing hard again, to my growing irritation. All of a sudden, Alice's face took on that unmistakeable far away look, and she screamed.

"Edward no! Don't dare him, he'll do it! You know what an idiot he is! And Bella still won't let us buy her a new car!" But her eyes were still dancing with humor.

"Don't dare who to do what?" I demanded. My voice was shrill now.

Edward smirked at Alice through his sideview mirror. "I wasn't really going to dare him."

"Yes you were! I saw it!" she challenged him. He narrowed his eyes at her and sneered.

"Dare who to do what?" My voice was getting louder. I'd forgotten how annoying these private conversations of theirs could be.

"Edward was going to dare Emmett to actually try to chew through your car," she blurted out. Edward narrowed his eyes further at her. She stuck her tongue out at him. "so that we could have an excuse to buy you a new one! But I saw that you still wouldn't let us, so there's really no point."

I said nothing, trying to decide whether she was serious or just kidding with me.

Alice leaned forward, squeezing herself into the little space between Edward and me.

"By the way, it would've taken him 25 minutes, not twenty" she clarified, and then leaned back into the seat again.

Silence.

"Alright. Get out," I said, looking straight ahead. "You're both walking the rest of the way." I was just joking with them. For one thing, I knew perfectly well they could both run faster than I was driving, and for another, we were practically at my house already.

Alice gasped in her seat behind me. I quickly looked at her in the rearview mirror and a look of horror crossed her face. In the same moment, I heard a low growl emanating from Edward, and when I turned to look at him, he was staring straight ahead, but the fury in his features chilled me to the bone.

"Edward, I was just joking." I made my voice as sincere as possible, but he wouldn't even look at me. I was dumbfounded. Yes, their constant teasing about my car was starting to irritate me a bit, but did they honestly think I'd throw them out of my car?

"No Bella," came Alice's voice from the back. "It's not about the car."

"Then what-" I started to ask, as I made the final turn onto my block. But as I looked over at my house -only now visible to me as I drove up to the curb slowly- I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence. Because I saw for myself what had outraged my passengers. My blood ran cold.

Jake.

Jake stood rigidly under the eave, covered from the falling rain. His arms were crossed on his chest, his face contorted into a vicious scowl. He stared right at the car as we drove up, and as I got closer, I could see exactly who his outraged glare was focused on.

Edward.

I parked the car by the curb and turned off the ignition, turning to look at Edward. His face was turned towards the house, towards Jacob, and I could hear the low growl still emanating from within him. His hands were clenched into tight fists, and before I could speak, I was startled by a blinding blur of color. When the movements stopped, I realized that Edward's hand was gripping the door handle, and Alice had one hand on his shoulder. The force with which she was holding him back was palpable.

"Edward no!" she commanded. "Not now! Stay in the car!" she urged him.

"Let go of me Alice. Now" he ordered. His voice was calm, which made it all the more chilling, because I could hear the fire burning underneath it. But he never broke his glare on Jacob. As I turned to look at Jake, I saw that he had a maddening sneer on his face.

Edward moved to open the door again, and Jake's cold smile widened. He straightened himself up, sticking his chest out and dropping his fists to his sides. I realized with a quickly growing dread that his hands were now shaking.

"No Edward. _Please_" I begged him in a forceful whisper. I quickly placed my hand on his shoulder, foolishly hoping to restrain him. I knew the weight of my hand on his shoulder was extremely insignificant compared to that of Alice's, but the move had been instinctive. Edward paused for a second, and I spoke quickly to him.

"Edward," I whispered, as he continued to glare at Jake, his nostrils flaring. "Edward, I know there's this natural hatred between vampire and werewolf going on between you and Jake, but I can't get caught in the middle of this." My voice broke and I fought to keep the tears that were threatening at bay. I saw Edward's grip on the door handle falter.

"Jake's promised to try to be understanding this summer when I'm with your family. So please, just don't make this any harder." I watched as his hand itched to open the door.

"Don't make me have to pick a side Edward. Please" I pleaded. "I can't get caught in the middle, and I don't want to have to pick a side." My voice was raw, and I swallowed hard to keep the tears down.

Edward's hand still rested on the door handle, but as I watched him, he slowly turned his face away from Jake, closing his eyes angrily. He opened them and turned to face me, and I was shocked by how black his eyes were, blacker than I'd ever seen them. Blacker than Jake's.

His features softened slightly as he looked at me, but I could still see the rage behind his eyes. "I'll never let you get caught in the middle of anything ever again Bella." His voice was full of conviction, and I was momentarily startled by the fierceness in his tone. I tried to understand his words, but I was too nervous to focus clearly.

"Edward," Alice spoke in a calming tone. Her hand still rested on his shoulder, although she didn't seem to be using as much restraint now. He turned to look at her, and I could tell she was telling him something privately. He nodded once, slowly, and pulled his hand away from the door.

"Alice will walk you to the door Bella. I'll wait here in the car, and once you're inside safely, we'll leave." There was no room for discussion in his tone. I sighed heavily and turned to open my own door. I paused with my hand on the handle.

"I'll…see you tomorrow then" I said, not turning to face him.

"See you tomorrow Bella" he answered. His voice was unemotional.

I walked out of the car, and Alice walked out with me, smiling at me encouragingly as we made our way up to the house. As I glanced up at Jake, I saw that his eyes were still on  
Edward, but I was afraid to turn around and see what Edward was looking at. Jake finally turned his eyes to me. I smiled tentatively at him, and he grinned at me wildly.

"Hello Jacob Black," I heard Alice say next to me as we approached Jake. I was shocked at how pleasant her voice sounded, much more so than I could have ever imagined her addressing him.

Unfortunately, Jake wasn't feeling as polite. He completely ignored her as he pulled me by the waist, bringing me flush up against him, resting his hands lower on my thighs than he usually did.

"I've been waiting for almost an hour Bella" he whispered very low, lowering his head to my ear.

I ignored his accusing tone and instead turned to his ear to whisper back.

"Alice just said hi to you. It would be nice of you to answer."

He snorted and said nothing.

"It's okay Bella." Alice spoke sweetly, but she was glaring at Jake, who continued to ignore her presence. "No worries," she continued.

Jake rolled his eyes. Suddenly, his face brightened, and an almost calculating smile crossed his face. He vigorously grabbed my face with both hands, and placed a long, full kiss right on my lips. He smiled at me as he moved away from my lips, but his smile was cold and devious, and his mind seemed to be somewhere else as he looked at me.

"I missed you babe," he said, but the words sounded planned.

"I…I missed you too," I mumbled. It was a response that had become a natural and understandable habit, after so much time uttering the words to each other.

I saw Alice quickly shoot her eyes towards the car, and my eyes followed hers.

Immediately I wished I hadn't looked. Edward sat in the car, glaring towards us. His eyes were two black slits. In that moment, I was shocked by how much he looked like the predator he was.

For an instant, I thought I saw Edward give one short nod in our direction, but when I looked back at Jake all I saw was a large, satisfied looking smile plastered on his face. I frowned, wondering what he could feel so satisfied about right now.

"You are playing with fire Jacob Black" Alice hissed at him. Jacob chuckled, pulling me tightly into his arms again, so close that I had to turn my face to the side to keep from suffocating in his chest.

He slowly looked over to where Edward sat in the car, and then turned to Alice now, glaring at her.

"Bring it," he muttered.

Alice glared back at him, seeming to want to say something, but kept her mouth shut.

Jake smiled coldly at her. "Now if you and your…family are done playing tea time with my girlfriend, I'm reclaiming her for the night," he snapped.

Alice glowered at him menacingly, but ignored his comment, addressing me instead.

"Bella, we'll see you tomorrow okay? Bright and early!" Her voice was chipper and full of honey as she spoke to me. "Should I pick you up?"

"No Alice. Thanks. I'll drive myself" I answered, anxious for her to leave, so that the tension between Edward and Jake could disappear.

"Okay" she answered sweetly, walking away backwards gracefully. She turned her eyes to Jake, and smiled at him. Her smile was deceivingly genuine.

"Goodbye Jacob Black" she called out to him. Her voice was thick with sarcasm. Jacob just rolled his eyes in her direction, refusing to answer.

I quickly turned the knob on the door, and pulled Jake in with me, sparing a quick glance in Edward's direction before I closed the door.

The last thing I thought I saw in his eyes, as he disappeared from my sight, was a deep sadness and longing. I quietly closed the door with Jake at my side, wondering why Edward would look that way.

Once inside, Jake and I slowly made our way to the kitchen quietly. I went to the fridge and pulled out two cans of soda, handing him one and opening one for myself. I stood against the counter, and Jake leaned against the table, drinking his can of soda with that satisfied smile still on his face. Charlie was over at Billy's tonight, and I was grateful for that. Because I had a few things to clear up with Jake.

After a few minutes of silence, I put my soda can down and looked up at him.

"What the hell was all that about?" I asked

"What was what about?" he responded a little too innocently.

"The PDA out there?" He looked at me as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

"The grabbing, the kissing, the inappropriateness with the hands. What exactly were you trying to prove?"

"I thought I didn't have to prove anything?" he answered dryly.

"You don't! That's exactly my point!" I hissed.

"Look Bella, I haven't seen you or spoken to you in a couple of days." His voice was gentler now.

"And whose fault is that? I've been calling you and you've been avoiding my calls."

He walked over to me and took my hand, entwining our fingers.

"I've missed you" he said. His tone made it seem as if it were supposed to be the answer to all my questions. I didn't answer him this time.

"So I hugged you and kissed you with a little more energy than usual. Is that a crime?" He narrowed his eyes at me. "Do I have to watch how I hold my own girlfriend now in front of your friends?" He stressed the word friends.

"No Jake, that's not what I mean, and you know it. Just…you know what? Forget it," I sighed. I didn't have the energy for another confrontation tonight.

"I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I have a long weekend ahead of me. I just want to relax now. I turned to the sink and spilled the remainder of the contents of my soda can down the drain.

Jake stood behind me, putting both his arms on my shoulders.

"Do you want me to leave Bella?" he asked. He sounded sad, and it broke my heart to hear the doubt in his voice.

I turned back to face him. "No Jake. Of course not." I looked up at him and tried to give him what I hoped was an animated smile. "Come on, let's go watch some TV or something." I pulled him by his arm into the living room.

"Sure, but I can't stay too long" Jake said as we sat on the loveseat and I flipped on the TV.

"How come?" I asked him. In reality, I was a bit relieved. I was still hoping to get some time to do some studying tonight, but I hadn't wanted to make Jake feel bad.

"I..uhm" he hesitated "There's something Billy wants me to help him with."

"At this time of night?" I questioned.

"Uhm..yeah."

"Can't Charlie help him?" I knew Charlie was there right now.

"Uh, no. It's something Billy wants me to help with."

I frowned at him, confused by the vague exchange. I was about to ask him what exactly it was that Billy needed his help with, but then changed my mind. I didn't want to pry. If it was anything important, I was sure Jake would have told me.

Honestly, it was at the very bottom of my concerns at the moment anyway. As Jake flipped through the channels, occasionally stopping long enough to laugh at something funny, or to comment on some ridiculous plot line, I thought back to the scene outside just a little while ago. It had gotten so close there for a while. I shuddered as I remembered Edward's murderous glare in the car, and then I felt a pang of pain in my heart as I recalled the longing in his eyes as I'd closed the door.

_Was_ that longing I'd seen in his eyes? It didn't make any sense though. Hate, anger, disgust; I understood –although I didn't agree with - all these emotions emanating from him as he sat in the car glaring at Jake. They were natural enemies. I didn't like that they felt this way towards each other, but those dark emotions made sense in the context of things. But longing? How did longing come into play as Edward watched Jake and I enter my house.

But then suddenly I remembered something else that I hadn't given much thought to as we stood outside. I'd been nervous and anxious, and hadn't been able to focus on anything too clearly. But now I remembered, and my eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as I tried to figure out what I'd seen.

Edward had nodded in our direction. Not in greeting. Not in the way one person nods to another to acknowledge them. It was more of a…an…agreement. He nodded as if agreeing to something.

I glanced over at Jake and noticed something else now. Jake appeared anxious. He crossed and uncrossed his legs, fiddled nervously with the remote. I watched him glance impatiently at the clock, narrowing his eyes at it as if willing it to move faster. His body appeared to be vibrating, and as I stared at him closer, it seemed to be vibrating with…excitement.

The nod came back to my mind, and I was suddenly feeling anxious myself, although I wasn't sure why. It made no sense. Edward was on his way home. Jake was here with me and would soon be on his way home too, to help Billy with whatever it was he needed. There was no reason for me to feel so nervous right now.

But what the hell had that nod been about?

**Okay. Whew! It's time now! Edward will definitely, definitely be next. Some serious crap is going to go down!**

**I'm going to try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Right now though, I'm having a hard time focusing on anything other than the fact I'm less than 72 hours away from seeing New Moon! I'm going to the midnight showing in NYC! Anyone else going by any chance?**

**As a side note, I started rereading New Moon yesterday, got to the break up part, and my chest literally ached as I read it. I'd forgotten how painful that was! Ugh! I felt like coming back and editing this chapter and having Bella curse Edward out and tell him to go to hell! But we all know that's not what Bella's like, so I couldn't do it. He's really lucky though, because I wasn't very happy with him yesterday!**

**Finally, your reviews are greatly appreciated. I get really excited when I see one pop up on my gmail, so please? They also make me want to update quicker, so if you want to know what happens between Edward and Jake, go leave me a review now!**


	15. Chapter 16 Enmity

**A/N: Hey there! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Sorry it took so long to update, but between real life, the release of New Moon, and of course, prep for the Thanksgiving Holiday, things just got backed up!**

**Drum roll please…Edward's back! Yey! I know we all missed his POV!**

**Thanks to my lovely Betas, Danna0724 and Adgroovy, who make this story so much better with their sharp eyes and wit!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters. **

**Finally, the quote below is from Eclipse. I'm sure most of you remember Edward getting caught reading this passage. I thought it would fit perfectly for this chapter!**

Chapter 16 – Enmity

_And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then - if you don't believe me, you don't know me - till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head! – Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte_

**Edward POV**

It was 10:57 pm according to the bright numbers on my cell phone. I looked up at the dark, cloud-filled night and could barely make out the shadow of the full moon as it fleetingly made its appearance from behind the thick, billowy puffs of grey that enveloped it so completely. It was the same moon Bella and I stood under just a few short hours ago, but somehow, from here in the thick forest, just overlooking the beach my family and I were banned from, it seemed to shine with much less intensity than it had by the river. The light it gave off was barely enough to illuminate the thick cicada trees and the vast pieces of leaves and bracken that claimed this part of the woods. Had I been human, I wouldn't be able to see my own hand in front of my face, except during the few seconds when the clouds allowed the moon to show itself. The intense darkness surrounding me perfectly mirrored the frame of mind I'd been in since taking Bella home earlier this evening. I'd been quite ready to pulverize Jacob Black into oblivion had Bella not been right at his side.

He'd known exactly what he was doing from the moment he'd apparently picked up our scent as we approached Bella's house. His wild and impetuous verbal attack had begun before we'd even rounded the corner onto Bella's block, as soon as Alice and I had picked up his own putrid odor.

"_Listen up bloodsucker! I know you're near and I know you can hear me! Me and you've got some shit to settle, man to man. Or should I say, man to leech!"_

I'd been sitting in the front of the car with Bella, enjoying a light-hearted moment of playful teasing with her and my sister. My spirits had been flying high, imagining that Bella and I were just enjoying a typical evening ride, pretending to myself that the last four years hadn't happened. His idiotic words had attacked my mind in the same instant his stench attacked my nostrils, and before I could stop myself, a low growl emanated from deep within me, stunning Bella. Bella's fear in that instant gave me even more reason to hate the dog, because now he'd made me scare her with my growling. But even this knowledge wasn't enough to quiet the noises coming from me.

We turned the corner, Bella nervously making her way up the block to her little white house, painfully unaware of what was creating such a horrible reaction in me, and probably blaming herself for it.

"_Hope you enjoyed your little thrill ride with my girl, cause that's about all you're gonna get!"_ he taunted me the second he spotted me in the front of the car with Bella. The comment had me immediately reaching for the car door, ready to bash his scowling face in for his vulgarity at suggesting I'd try anything so disrespectful with Bella. As his luck would have it though, Alice had been able to keep her cool better than I had, and immediately restrained me.

"Edward! Not Now! Stay in the car!" she'd commanded me.

"_What's the matter parasite? Not enough man left in that stone body to step out?"_

"Let go of me Alice. Now," I'd ordered her, but she kept her restraint on me. Not that her restraint was going to stop me.

"_Edward stop! Think of Bella! She looks scared to death right now! Think of what seeing you put the dog down in front of her will do! She'll never forgive you! Not now, Edward. Not now!"_

My hand faltered on the door handle. I didn't want to scare Bella. I didn't want to have to kill the dog in front of her if it could be avoided. The thought of her hating me sent a spear of pain through my insides. But the dog wasn't done with his mental taunts.

"_Yeah, that's what I thought! Go ahead, hide out in that car. Hide behind the girls!"_

My vision turned red. I glared at the animal standing outside Bella's door, deciding which limbs I'd tear off first. My hand gripped the door handle again, ready to pull it off its hinges and pounce on the dog in a split second lunge. But in the millisecond before I could act on my desires, all my murderous intents vanished. Because in the same instant that the venom in my body ran cold through my veins, acting like a shot of instant adrenaline, I felt a sudden warmth radiating on my shoulder. The warmth clashed with the frigid venom racing through me, pushing it back like molten lava and replacing the icy poison with a glowing heat. It was a warmth so fulfilling that it could only come from one source: Bella's touch. I froze instantly.

"No Edward. _Please_," Bella implored. Her small, warm hand was on my shoulder, continuing to warm my body and repelling the venomous instinct to destroy the mongrel a few feet away, if only for her sake. My hand twitched on the door handle, torn between what my instincts commanded me to do, and what my love for this creature before me begged me not to.

And in the end, my love for Bella won, as it always would. I looked in Bella's warm brown eyes as she tearfully begged me not to make her choose, and my hand loosened its hold on the door. How could I make her choose, when I knew who would lose _that_ battle? In a physical fight, the dog would end up six feet under. But in a fight for Bella's love? If Bella had to choose between the dog or myself, I would not fare as well. I could kill the mutt easily, as easily as breaking a puppy in two, but I could not as easily destroy the love she felt for him. In the end, by killing him, _I_ would be the one to lose. I would forever lose all respect and affection Bella could ever possibly have for me. The dog was not worth losing that.

But I hadn't missed how the mongrel's hands were now shaking, how his body quivered in anticipation of what he foolishly thought would be an easy fight for him -because of his height and overgrown biceps. I'd respect Bella's wishes, for now, and remain in the car. But there was no way in hell I was letting her approach that mutt by herself.

I'd had Alice, my deceivingly tiny sister, walk Bella up the driveway, while I remained in the car with my hand on the door, ready to bolt the millisecond I saw any trouble from the pup towards either Bella or my sister.

The dog's eyes remained trained on me for a few seconds, while I watched Bella and my sister approach him slowly.

But the dog, unaware of how close to death he was at the moment, was apparently not done provoking me_. "Watch how a real man greets his girlfriend!"_

When Bella reached him, he gave her one of his disgustingly wide grins and pulled her almost forcefully to him, moving his hands from her waist down her thighs, pawing at her just like the dirty dog he was. The door handle disintegrated between my fingers, and it was all I could do in that moment to remain in the car, as Bella had requested of me. In another part of my mind, I registered that I would have to ask Rosalie to come replace Bella's door handle before morning.

Yet apparently that still wasn't enough for the dog. After ignoring my sister's attempt to break some of the tension by greeting him, he pulled Bella impossibly closer to him. Seething, I watched him treat her more like a piece of meat than like the beautifully fragile treasure that she was. Pawing at her face, he pulled her to him and vulgarly placed his lips on hers with more force than necessary.

"_Mmm, soft, warm lips. And they're all mine! You hear that Cullen, they're all mine!" _

My fist landed on the glove compartment, imagining it was the mangy mutt's face, and destroying it completely. Ugh, more work for Rosalie!

The dog wasn't done yet though.

He chuckled to himself. _"Hmm, well that was definitely fun, but like I said parasite, you and me have some shit to settle, and we're gonna settle it tonight. Meet me off the one-oh-one, at the borderline between the rez and Forks at 11:00 pm tonight. You got it?"_

Yes. I got it. He'd unknowingly taken the words right out of my mouth. We definitely had some shit to settle now. I nodded my head once to let him know I'd definitely be there.

Alice hadn't missed my nod though.

"_Edward, what's going on?"_ she questioned. Alice was anything but slow. She glanced at the mutt quickly, and seeing his satisfied smile, immediately put two and two together.

"You are playing with fire, Jacob Black" she warned the mutt, after he landed another blow to my heart by having Bella confess to having missed him tonight. I shook my head miserably as I heard her say the words to him. She'd been with me, having dinner with my family, standing with me under the moonlight, yet it had been the dog she'd been missing all along.

The dog just laughed at Alice, taunting me once again as he "reclaimed Bella for the night" as he put it.

"_That's right Cullen. She may have spent some of her evening with you and your family, but I'm the one walking into her house with her right now. I'm the one she'll be spending the rest of the evening with!"_

My fingers tore through the console between the front seats. At this point, I should just have Rosalie bring a whole new Beetle tonight.

Through my blind rage, I barely heard Alice give the dog a sarcastic goodbye, as she begrudgingly tore herself away from Bella. Once again, the ignorant mutt refused to answer Alice, but I was beyond caring about his lack of manners. Because no matter how much I hated that mongrel with every fiber of my being at the moment, no matter how much I wanted to tear him apart, no matter how much I wanted to beat some respect into him, I couldn't deny that he was right. About one thing at least.

He was the one walking into Bella's house with her. And he'd be spending only God knew how long in there with her. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it except watch as Bella pulled him into the house and quickly closed the door behind them, sparing me an apologetic look. As if she had to apologize for the barbaric behavior on the dog's part.

'_Alright Edward, what the hell is going on?'_ Alice looked over at me questioningly as we ran through the woods. She was doing a better job at keeping up with me than usual; the frustration at the way the mutt had disregarded her attempts to be civil -and her inability to rip his head off in front of Bella- fueling her pace.

I ignored her question for the moment. "Alice, when you get home, please explain to Rosalie that Bella's car needs a new door handle, glove compartment and console before morning."

Alice's eyes widened in surprise, while her pace momentarily faltered. She quickly picked up pace again once she realized I wasn't going to slow down.

"Fine, whatever. I'll make sure she gets on it. Now will you please tell me what's going on?" she repeated out loud.

"I'm meeting Jacob Black by the Quileute border off the highway later tonight."

Alice let out a frustrated sigh. "Edward, look. I'd like to beat the dog senseless just as much as the next person, and I know watching him grope Bella back there must've been maddening for you" – I cringed at the memory – "but Edward, as much as I hate having to say this to you, she obviously really cares about him. Even more than I'd originally thought back in New York."

I ran even faster at her words, as if I could somehow outrun their implications. Alice strained to keep up. '_Sorry Edward, I'm not trying to hurt you.'_ I didn't answer her.

"I'm just starting to wonder if knocking him senseless might actually hinder our case more than help it," she continued.

I stopped in my tracks, so suddenly that Alice had to backtrack. She walked back slowly, stopping in front of me. She spoke gently.

"Look, I know your first instinct will be to attack him. Not just because he's a werewolf, but also because he's so goddamn annoying. But you saw Bella back there. The thought of you two fighting, of the wolf getting hurt, it terrified her." She reached out and gently placed an arm on my shoulder. '_I don't think she'd be able to forgive you.'_

I pinched the bridge of my nose. We stood there in silence for a long while, listening to the fading sounds of nature and wildlife. Once they'd had time to sense us in their midst, the forest eerily quieted as all of nature hid from us.

I let out a deep breath. "I'd already come to that conclusion Alice. The second Bella asked me to stay in the car, I already knew that hurting the dog permanently wasn't an option. It would hurt her, and I could never do that to her." My hands had been tied by my love for Bella, by the same person I was trying to protect. As usual, she was unable to see the danger before her, and she was now making it even more difficult for me to protect her.

Alice gave me a regretful look. '_So what are you going to do then? Tonight, I mean_.' "Are you going to tell him to stay away from Bella? Do you really think he'll listen?"

"I've got to at least try to reason with him."

"Pfft!," Alice retorted. "Good luck with that!"

"I know it's a long shot. But as much as it kills me to admit it, as asinine as he acted tonight outside her house, his thoughts for her as she walked over to him…" I stopped. I recalled the anger in his eyes when he'd seen us approaching, when he'd seen me riding in the front of the car with her. But once she'd started walking over to him, for a brief instant, as he'd watched her coming to his side, his fury had temporarily melted and his thoughts had been filled with nothing but…love. Love and gratitude that she'd come back to him. That although she'd spent the evening with us, with me, it was him she was walking towards now. And as much as I'd hated him with every fiber of my being in that instant, I'd envied the truth of his thoughts. Because it _was_ him she was returning to, and his gratitude in that brief moment had been real. It was the only thought he hadn't purposely attacked me with tonight, yet the one that hurt me the most.

I finished my sentence. "His thoughts for her had been nothing but love."

Alice squeezed my shoulder, trying to offer me comfort.

"He really does seem to love her" I continued, staring towards the trees, trying to be clinical and impassive with what I was saying. Trying to ignore the daggers at my heart at the fact that I was talking about another man, another creature, feeling for my Bella what should have only been my right to feel. "Perhaps he'll love her enough to see the danger he and his kind pose to her, and disappear from her life voluntarily."

I looked at Alice, and I could see she wasn't entirely convinced of the possibility of that outcome.

"And if he doesn't?" she asked quietly. "Not everyone's as self-sacrificing as you Edward."

"Hmph." I snorted. I wasn't sure if she was trying to compliment me or mock me. My actions from a few years ago no longer felt like something that should be admired, like a self-sacrificing act of love. It felt more like incredible stupidity. The stupidest, most blind, most misguided action I'd ever taken. But then, how could I expect the dog to do the same, if I was no longer sure that what I'd done had been the correct action? _It was different!,_ I told myself. Because werewolves were the lowest form of life out there! They could never be trusted. They had no self-control.

"If he doesn't, then I'll have to try to talk to Bella again. And this time make her listen."

"Hmph," Alice snorted now. "Good luck with that one too."

"You know, you're not being very encouraging here" I chastised my sister. "Do you have any better ideas?, little miss all-seeing, all-knowing?" If she knew anything that I didn't, she had to let me know now.

Alice closed her eyes, dropping both arms to her side and clenching her fists, and I could tell she was trying to force a vision again, trying to see past the doggie wall that blocked us on all sides –he had Bella's love blocking me from killing him, and his animal nature to block Alice's visions.

Alice opened her eyes, groaning with frustration. "No, I guess I don't have any better ideas," she moaned apologetically.

We started running again until we reached the point where our paths would divert. Alice would continue on to the house, while I continued on to the borderline where I'd wait for the mutt. We stopped once again.

"Edward," Alice started, her voice took on a tone very much like Esme's. "Just be careful please". She frowned at my responding chuckle.

"Alice, you know I could handle that wolf blindfolded with both hands tied behind my back, don't you?"

Alice laughed. '_Ha! Yes, Of course I know that!' _ Her voice was serious though. "I just don't trust the wolf. I don't trust him to actually show up alone. And Carlisle and Esme, and your brothers and sister for that matter, will be mighty pissed off at me for letting you go meet the wolf without telling them anything if you show up at the house all hurt."

I smirked at her. She furrowed her eyebrows deeply, an angry glint in her eyes now.

"And I'll be royally peeved if I have to get Bella mad at me by going to kick some mangy mutt butt later!," she added.

I shook my head. "Don't worry Alice. I looked into his mind. He planned to show up alone. He thinks he has some things to tell me, man to man, or man to leech, as he so eloquently put it." I imitated the ridiculous way he'd flexed his overgrown biceps and stuck out his chest as he'd offered me his mental challenge, making Alice's mood brighten again. We both got a good laugh at the pup's expense. It felt really good to laugh. I realized I hadn't really done it at all in the past few years.

"Edward, Emmett would've been proud of you right now!," she snickered, referring to my imitation of the pup's muscles. "And it would be more like man to Scrappy Doo!" She balled her tiny hands into fists, putting them up in front of her. "Lemme at'em, Lemme at'em!" she cried, convulsing into fits of laughter at her own joke. I chuckled along with her.

The laughter died down, neither one of us able to disguise the seriousness of tonight's meeting any longer. This was what I'd come back for. What my entire family had come back to Forks for. To ensure Bella's safety. To ensure that my love had a chance at a long and happy, human life. This was what I'd left for years ago, for Bella's safety and her happiness. The dog had no right to try to take that away from her. I had to make him see that this was what he was doing. If he truly loved her the way he claimed he did, he would see how wrong he was for her. One way or another, I'd have to make him see. Even if in the end, it did mean Bella would hate me. As much as the thought of her eternal hatred caused a sharp stab in my heart, it was nothing compared to the pain the thought of Bella hurt caused in me. I would endure her hatred if it meant ensuring her safety. I had no other choice.

I turned to face Alice, my eternal ally.

"Thanks Alice. For trying to keep me calm back there. And for staying with Bella."

Alice smiled at me softly. "You don't have to thank me for that Edward. Bella's my sister. I'll always protect her." She stated it matter of factly.

"I know you will. And that's why I'm grateful." I walked over to her and planted a quick kiss on her forehead.

Alice chuckled quietly, surprised by my display of affection. It had been years since I'd allowed myself to feel anything close to affection for anyone, much less act on those feelings. I could hear in Alice's thoughts what I'd been hearing in the rest of my family's thoughts for the past few days. That being back in Forks, being near Bella again, was reawakening in me something that had been lost in the forest that day when I'd left Bella. My humanity. I was doing things and saying things I hadn't in years.

"_You're alive again Edward. No matter what happens, being near Bella has brought you back to life. And for that, __**I'm**__ grateful."_

I saw an image flash in Alice's mind of me, a memory, from just a couple of weeks ago, on one of the rare occasions when I'd left my room. I sat outside our house in Ithaca, on the wet grass. My legs were crossed in front of me, my hands resting on them, palms down, as I stared out into…nothing. I saw myself as Alice saw me in this memory, as she watched me from the window in the living room. My eyes were dark, I noted, and the black circles under them were practically down to my cheeks. My skin looked sallow and much paler than I'd realized, in fact taking on a sick yellowish tinge. My hair was unkempt, and I realized that I couldn't remember when I'd last brushed my hair before coming back to Forks. But it was a closer look at my eyes that revealed to me the pain I must've put Alice and the rest of my family through for all these years.

My eyes were not only black, but…dead. There was absolutely no life in them. Only a dark void. Dull. Empty. Lost. Eyes capable of reflecting nothing other than hopelessness and despair.

In her memory, Alice watched me sadly through the window, wondering what I was seeing, wondering how long I could continue this existence without going completely-

She stopped the memory, knowing I was reliving it with her, and not wanting to take me back to those times anymore.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that." I felt truly ashamed and remorseful for what my family had had to deal with. "I had no right to burden any of you-"

Alice cut me off.

"Edward stop." She sounded exasperated. "You're our brother, and Esme and Carlisle's son. We weren't burdened." She paused, reaching out to take my hand in her tiny one.

"What we were was confused, scared for you, and honestly," she took a deep breath, "tired." I raised my eyebrows at her. Wasn't that the same as burdened?

"Not tired of you. Tired of wondering what would finally give in first, your heart or…your sanity."

I didn't answer her. We stood there in silence. Alice was the first to speak. Her voice sounded guarded.

"Frankly Edward, as happy as it makes me to see you…alive again, I worry what this new plan of yours will do to you." My eyebrows narrowed now.

She elaborated for me. '_Your plan to stay with Bella, in the shadows, regardless of who, or what she chooses.'_

I nodded once, slowly, letting her know I'd heard her, and acknowledging that this was indeed the plan.

She answered me out loud again. "Don't you think it's just a little bit…masochistic? To watch her love another, marry another, make a life and a family with another?"

I winced at Alice's mental picture of Bella marrying the dog, and then another image of her with a round belly, filled with the dog's child. I let go of her hand quickly, using it to reach over to the nearest tree, to steady myself and keep from dropping to my knees in the face of my sister's cruelty. My stomach rolled and my body convulsed with useless heaves.

"Why are you doing this Alice? Do you have any idea how agonizing those images just were?!" I put one hand on my chest as my breath came in sharp pants.

"The reality of it will be a thousand times more agonizing! How do you expect to deal with it then?!" Alice's voice was no longer soft or guarded.

"What choice do I have?" My own voice was getting much louder now. I heard it reverberate through the misty forest. "I cannot, _ever_, leave her again! _Ever!_" My head felt like it was spinning.

Alice watched me impassively as I slowly lost control. I marveled at how calm she appeared as I spiraled into misery at the thought of Bella having another man's child. But worse than that was the thought of ever being away from Bella again.

"It will kill me next time Alice. You just showed me yourself what I was like without her! I can't go back to that. I know it's selfish, and I know it may seem masochistic, but I have to be in her life. Even as just an unseen shadow. Even if I have to watch as she-" the words got stuck in my throat, and it was a struggle to get them out, "even if I have to watch her make a family with someone else. I can at least be her protector, if nothing else. God help me, I have no other choice!"

"There is always another choice." Alice spoke so quickly and low that I barely heard the words.

"What?"

Her face softened, as if she'd just heard the words she'd been waiting for, as if she'd been waiting for this breakdown to prove some sort of point. When she spoke again, her voice was tender, yet wary. She spoke slowly now, measuring her words.

"Edward. Have you thought, since you came back, that maybe there's another choice? That…perhaps…there'sanother _chance?_

"What are you talking about?" I spoke through gritted teeth. Now I was wary.

Alice drew in a deep breath, staring at me as if trying to decide how best to proceed. She walked over to me again, where I still stood by the tree, and raised both her hands to my arms. She looked straight into my eyes as she spoke.

"Edward, maybe there's a chance that…you can be more than just her protector. More than just someone relegated to the shadows."

"What…how…I-?" I shook my head.

"Edward, Edward! Listen!," Alice interrupted me.

"When we all first saw Bella again the other night at her store, Jasper and Emmett were joking that Bella was acting like she still had feelings for you."

I knew where this was going, and I didn't want to hear it. Bella no longer loved me, and to insinuate that it was a possibility was just plain cruel. I tried to turn away from Alice, but she held me tight.

"Edward look at me," Alice ordered. I glared at her coldly. She continued.

"I didn't say anything then because…well because I didn't want to get your hopes up needlessly, and it did make sense that perhaps she was overly excited at seeing all of us."

"And that is exactly what it was Alice, so I don't know where you're headed with this."

Alice continued as if she hadn't heard me, looking away now, as if in deep thought.

"But tonight, when she was over at our house…" She looked up at me again. "You saw that look you had in your eyes in my memory just now?"

"Yes"

"It was hopelessness and despair. A look someone gets when they've lost everything and don't care about anything any more," she clarified.

"Yes Alice. Believe me, I know what that look feels like." I was starting to feel aggravated now. "What's your point?"

She pursed her lips at me, frustrated at my unwillingness to fall easily into whatever trap she was trying to set.

"My point is" she sounded irritated "that it was the same look Bella got in her eyes tonight, after you stormed out of the house when she delivered the wolves' message."

I narrowed my eyes at her in confusion.

Alice exhaled dramatically. "I told you. Remember? She thought you were mad at her. She thought that was why you'd looked so royally pissed and up and left. She said 'he hates me now' and the look she got in her eyes, it was the same look you just saw in your eyes now. Despair."

I shook my head at Alice, amazed that she could jump to such a conclusion just because Bella had been upset by my thoughtlessness back at the house earlier.

"Alice" I snorted, still shaking my head. "That means nothing. All that means is that I was stupid enough to upset Bella. She thought I was mad at her, and of course, being the gentle creature that she is, it upset her. She at least, thank God, puts some value on our friendship. How you get love from that I cannot fathom."

Alice glared at me, incensed. "It's not just that Edward."

I crossed my arms and gave her a doubtful look that just served to inflame her further.

"What else is there?" I questioned.

"When you went for a walk with her by the river tonight? When I went to find you guys, she was bright red, the way I've only ever seen her get with you. And she looked…torn, like part of her wanted to run away-"

"Yes, that I agree with," I interrupted. "She certainly was desperate to get away from me."

"and part of her was dying to stay!" Alice continued louder now, her voice was vehement.

"No. I don't agree with that part." Alice was getting carried away. Reading too much into expressions she didn't understand. Her desire to have Bella as a permanent part of her life was making her see things that weren't there.

"You weren't there by the river with her Alice. I was. She was uncomfortable and unhappy. I had to beg her to talk to me. She accepted my apology gracefully, yes. Better than I expected. Better than I deserved. But do you know what she said to me Alice? She said 'Everything is as it should be.'" I saw Alice's eyes widen in surprise, and I smirked at her reaction.

"Yes. 'Everything is as it should be' You tell me, oh wise one. Do those sound like the words of a woman in love with me? A woman who still wants to be with me?" Alice pursed her lips but didn't answer.

I answered for her. "No. They don't."

"But Edward-" Alice tried to continue.

"No Alice! Stop! Do you know what your false hopes do to me? Do you know how they stab at my heart? Don't you know that that would be my greatest desire in this whole damned universe? For Bella to be able to love me again!"

I raised my hands and firmly pulled Alice's hands off my arms, turning away from her. We were both silent for a while.

I broke the silence. "She wouldn't even discuss Jacob Black and his pack with me." I was still turned away from Alice. "I tried to bring him up, and she made it very clear that Jacob was a subject I was not allowed to discuss with her. That's when she walked away from me." I turned back to Alice. "That's when you found us."

"She was red because she was angry. She was angry because I tried to bring up her werewolf. The one she loves now."

"She doesn't love me any more Alice." I could hear the misery in my own voice. "And I don't blame her. I couldn't expect her to after everything she went through because of me."

Alice, unfortunately was not ready to give up. With my back still turned to her, she continued berating me. "Edward, you're so filled with doubt and self-hatred that you're blind to see what's right in front of you!"

I shook my head and refused to face her. But she continued.

"Back at her house, just a little while ago? You were so intent on glaring down the mutt that you failed to see how she reacted to his touch!"

"He was pawing at her in the middle of the street! Of course she was uncomfortable!" I yelled, turning to face Alice again.

"Yes, I know that!," Alice yelled back. "But…I don't know. It was like, having you see that, having you see him touch her like that was as much torture to her as it was to you!"

"She told him she missed him! She was with us, she was with me, spending time with us, yet she was missing the mutt! She told him!" I threw the words at Alice, trying to make her see reason. She was the one torturing me in this instant with her baseless insistence that Bella still harbored some sort of love towards me.

"Because he said it to her first!" she refuted, unwilling to back down. "She looked over at you right away after she said it, instinctively, as if she somehow knew, subconsciously maybe, that it would hurt you, and therefore it hurt her!

I chuckled humorlessly at my sister. "Alice, you better find some other way to pass the time. You've been reading too many of those Harlequin romances."

She ignored my jab. "When she closed the door behind her and Jacob, I know you saw her look at you Edward. Didn't you see the look in her eyes? Like it hurt her to close the door on you? Like she wished that maybe…you were the one next to her in that moment?"

"Alice stop."

"Edward-"

"Stop!"

"Edward, I know what I saw! Even if you refuse to see it!

"Because there is nothing to see!" I yelled again, inching my face closer to Alice. I stopped myself, not wanting to take my frustrations out on my sister. I knew that deep inside, she meant well. It was her love for Bella that was making her see things that weren't there.

"Alice, I know how much you love Bella. I know how much you wanted that vision you had of her as part of our family, all those years ago, to come true. But it never will Alice. I'm sorry for that. That vision was never meant to be. And now…Bella no longer loves me, and she will never truly be your sister. You need to accept that.

Alice just stared at me for a while. I couldn't read her expression, and her thoughts were filled with chaotic visions, Bella and I together, all those years ago, Bella sitting in a classroom by herself, she and Bella sitting in a restaurant, Bella being held close by Jacob, and finally, when I thought perhaps she was starting to accept and understand the truth, a vision of a gloriously happy Bella in a long white dress, walking towards me as I waited for her ecstatically in a black tuxedo.

I put my hands on either side of Alice's face. She was not going to trick me with this one. "That's not a new vision Alice. That's just a memory. A memory of a vision that can never be."

She chose to ignore me once again, looking past me. "I wasn't sure before Edward, when we first saw her a few days ago, but…"

"But now what Alice? Now you _are_ sure? Is that what you're telling me?" I was angry now. She had no right to do this to me. To cause me this kind of pain. She was basing her conclusions on some sort of convoluted proof she'd dreamed up in her head. Based on looks she'd imagined out of hope for something that would never be. Hope that a vision that she'd once had would somehow rematerialize now that we were back in Forks. But her visions were not set in stone. We both knew that. And this particular vision had never materialized. And it never would.

I suddenly felt impossibly tired. If Alice continued this, I'd have no strength left for my confrontation with the wolf.

Alice looked back at me. "No, of course I'm not sure Edward. I can't read her mind. None of us can. But…if there was just a chance Edward, wouldn't you be willing to take it? If there was a chance that Bella could still love you, what would you do?"

"There is no chance Alice! I can't think that way! I can't allow myself to think that way if I'm going to focus on protecting her! On keeping her safe from the wolf, and from any other danger that may come her way. I have to be focused on protecting her, not on trying to win back a love that's no longer there! It will weaken me to hope Alice! To hope when there is nothing there to hope for. It'll weaken me and then I'll be powerless to help her when she needs me. I cannot allow that to happen! Don't you understand?"

"Would you give her immortality now?" Alice's words shocked me, and I immediately withdrew my hands from her face, stepping back from her in surprise.

"She no longer desires it."

"If she did, would you give it to her?"

I sighed, plagued by my sister's delusion. "Alice, I will not go down that road now. There's no point. She doesn't love me. She doesn't want that anymore."

"Edward-"

I decided to try a new tactic. "What about the dog Alice?"

"What about the dog?"

"Are you saying she doesn't love the dog?"

"No, she definitely does love the dog."

"Thanks. Are we done now then?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Edward, humans are very complicated creatures. More complicated than us in many ways. I've read that it's possible for them to love, be in love, with more than one person at a time."

"Like I said, too many Harlequins. Besides, Bella is not that type of girl."

"It doesn't make her bad, or immoral in any way. It just makes her human Edward!"

I was tired of arguing with her. We stared each other down for a few more minutes. Alice finally broke the silence.

"Just think about it Edward."

"There's nothing to think about."

Alice threw her hands up in frustration. "Still so stubborn! Just remember Edward, that it was your stubbornness that got you into this mess in the first place. If you'd just listened then-"

"Perhaps Alice. Perhaps you were right then. But you're not right now." The truth of my words caused a fissure of pain through my insides.

"Won't you take the chance?" Alice sounded more subdued now.

"Not when that chance will hinder my ability to protect Bella. Not when there's no chance to take." The tone in my voice let her know I was done discussing this. Nothing would take precedence over my need to protect Bella.

"Will you come back and watch Bella until I'm done with the dog?" This was the spot from where I'd been keeping an eye on Bella for the past few nights. Close enough to make sure she was safe in her house, but far enough away so that the wolf wouldn't pick up my scent too close to Bella. I couldn't care less about him being upset at me watching Bella, but I wouldn't risk having him get upset at Bella for my carelessness. Therefore, this was as close as I'd let myself get to her house at night. I couldn't hear her from here, and I could only see her vaguely as she passed by her window, but it would have to do.

"Of course I will Edward. You know that," Alice answered, annoyance in her tone, both at my question and at my refusal to listen to her delusions.

"Thank you. I'll be back as soon as I'm done. Please don't be long at the house. Just let Rose know what she needs to do."

"Yes, I know. Get going. I think I can handle it from here. I'll go get Rose and then she can fix Bella's car while I wait here." She refused to look at me, still irritated.

I felt my lips twitch up in a crooked smile. She'd forgive me, I knew. My sister meant well, but unfortunately, she had no idea what she was talking about.

"Good Luck Edward" she muttered, without glancing my way.

"Thanks Alice. For everything."

"Yeah whatever," she muttered, waving me away.

11:01 – The mutt was one minute late. The forest was completely quiet, except for the sound of my foot tapping anxiously on the wet bracken.

11:02 – Why wasn't he here yet? I hoped he wasn't keeping Bella up late. She needed to be up early the next morning. She'd be meeting my family at the store, and if she didn't sleep enough, she'd be tired.

11:03 – He was doing it on purpose, I was sure. If Bella got to bed too late, she wouldn't be up early. I'd have less time with her tomorrow.

11:04 – Shouldn't Charlie be home by now? Shouldn't he have thrown the mutt out if he was still there? If it had been me, I would've gotten the boot hours ago.

11:05 – My foot was digging a hole in the ground by now. What in the world could he be doing in her house so late? Ugh!

11:06 – The silence was interrupted about a mile away, the sound of footsteps slowly approaching, trying to be quiet, but I could hear the subtle noises of wet grass and leaves bending beneath large feet. I straightened up, waiting for the dark figure I now smelled approaching. The stench of wet dog was almost overwhelming.

After a few seconds, I heard whistling coming through the trees, but before I could place the tune, I heard the dog reciting the words in his head.

_Every night she walks right in my dreams_

_Since I met her from the start_

_I'm so proud I am the only one_

_Who is special in her heart_

_The girl is mine_

_The doggone girl is mine_

_I know she's mine_

_Because the doggone girl is mine!_

Childish dog. I shook my head, marveling at his immaturity.

When he stepped out of the trees, he had that maddening grin on his face I'd come to abhor in the last few days.

"You're late," I exclaimed, trying to keep my voice even.

He grinned even wider.

"Lost track of time." A mental image of he and Bella sitting in Charlie's living room entered his mind, Bella sitting with a textbook open on half her lap, while the other half of her lap was covered by his dark head. His feet dangled over the armrest, as he stared at the TV screen, switching from channel to channel. I couldn't deny how comfortable the image was, and it was all I could do to keep from groaning out loud in misery.

He stopped about 10 feet away from me, crossing his arms across his chest. He was very tall, I had to admit, and huge. But I had to hold in a chuckle as he sized me over, at his thought that _"yeah, I can take this leech blindfolded."_ He and his pack had had luck with Laurent and Victoria, and for that I would be eternally grateful. But he failed to realize that he'd fought both vampires separately, and, as a pack. He had no idea how differently he'd fare with me alone. And for Bella's sake, I hoped he wouldn't force me to show him.

But I was reminded of what I knew I had to say first, before we got into the heart of this meeting.

"Jacob" I spoke clearly and firmly. I kept my arms at my sides, trying, for his sake, to ease his obvious tension. He was clearly shaking, even from 10 feet away, and I wondered how long he'd be able to control himself. His mind was a puddle of confusion. His hateful thoughts bounced from one insult to another, but the main idea was clear.

_Bella is mine!_

I had to get one thing out before he totally lost control.

"I know you have things you feel you need to say to me, but before we get started, there's one thing I need to say to you."

He looked at me in confusion. _'What the hell?'_

"I'd like to thank you Jacob. For keeping Bella safe when the worst of my kind came after her. I wasn't here to protect her, and you were. And for that, I will be eternally grateful."

Jacob jerked his head back in surprise. He'd not been expecting me to start this meeting off with heartfelt gratitude. _'What. The. Hell?_' he thought again. _'Is this leech for real?'_

"Yes. I am," I answered him.

_Mind-reading parasite!_" "Cut that crap out!" he cried. "And let's get one thing clear parasite! Anything I've ever done for Bella, was for her! Not for you! So you can take your thanks and shove it where the sun don't shine! I don't want it, and I don't need it! What the hell do you think? You think I was keeping her warm and safe for you until you decided to come back?"

"No. Of course not. I'm not back to try to take her from you Jacob." I kept my voice even.

"Yeah, you sure 'bout that? Cause that's not what I see! That's not how it looked when you pulled up with her in front of her house tonight. You sure seemed comfy in that seat next to her. A little too freaking comfortable, if you know what I mean!

"I won't respond to that vulgar implication." I refused to get sidetracked from my real purpose in meeting him here tonight. "I've come for one thing and one thing only-"

"And I asked you here for one thing and one thing only!" he interrupted me. "Bella is mine now! I wanna make sure that fact is perfectly clear to you, and to the rest of your parasite family! Why she wants to spend time with all of you after what you did to her, I can't understand, but let's get one thing clear. This is a temporary situation. She's told me you're all here for the summer, and I'll tolerate this crap for the summer. But once it's over, I want you all out of her life!"

"We will stay in her life as long as she wants us there." I tried to remain composed, but the dog's assumption that we'd leave Bella's life once the summer was over was threatening to undo me.

"You will stay in her life as long as I allow you to stay in her life! And I say you have the summer, and that's it!" His voice was shaking with anger, as well as the rest of him. _'Stupid, arrogant, bloodsucking son of a-' _"I don't know what game you think you're here to play, but Bella is-"

"I'm not here to play any games Jacob!" I answered, my voice rising with his implication that I'd play games with Bella's life. "What I am here for is to warn you!"

His eyes widened in shock, and his hands balled into fists at my words. _'What the?'_

"Warn me? What the hell do you think you're going to warn me about?" His face was incredulous, as if he couldn't believe I'd have the nerve to deliver him a warning. But apparently it was perfectly okay for he and his pack of dogs to deliver my entire family a warning.

"I've come to warn you, that if you care at all for Bella's safety, you will walk away from her. Now."

'_Is he freakin' serious?'_

"I am completely serious."

"Stop that shit!" His anger was building. "If I care for Bella's safety? What the hell does that mean? And since when do you or your family of leeches give a rat's ass about Bella's safety? You left her when she was in most danger! Because of you! You left her without a second thought to her safety or-"

Now I was the one whose anger was rising. I cut him off. "You know nothing of why I left!" I took a few deep breaths, willing myself to calm down, so that I could try to explain to this hard-headed dog why he had to stay away from Bella.

"If you care for Bella's safety, you must see that your very presence is a danger to her. You're very nature endangers her!"

"A danger? I'm the one who kept her safe after you left! My _nature_ is what protected her from the bloodsuckers that came after her because of you!" His eyes were wild with indignation, unaccepting of the truth.

"And like I said, I appreciate that fact." I was beginning to doubt my ability to persuade him, but nevertheless, I would continue trying. "But it doesn't change the fact that you're a werewolf. You're not good enough for her. You're dangerous. You lack control."

"I'd _never_ hurt her!" he seethed. He spoke through clenched teeth. In his mind was an image I'd seen before, of Bella being carried out of the woods, wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing the day I'd left her. Only this time, it wasn't Charlie's arms she was in, it was a Quileute, like Jacob. He carried her out to the crowd who'd been searching for her, as Bella repeated over and over in a despairing tone, "he's gone, he's gone." I cringed.

Jacob laughed a cold bitter laugh. '_Yeah, you wanna keep looking in my head?'_

"That's not the kind of hurt I meant, and you know it!" I spit back at him. "I mean physically. You could hurt her physically, in a moment of anger and loss of control!"

"I'd never…" he started to say again, but his mind filled with another image now. An image of the same Quileute who'd carried Bella out of the woods, except now he was arguing with someone, a woman, and in a blinding flash, he phased into a werewolf. As his hands turned into sharp, lethal paws, they clawed blindly in the air, one of them reaching the woman's face, leaving three long bloody trails in their wake. The woman screamed.

Realizing what he'd just let me see, Jacob shook his head quickly, dispelling the image and replacing it with an image of the Quileute man sobbing uncontrollably outside on the porch of a little cabin.

Silence filled the air for a few seconds.

"Do you see what I mean?" I asked. My voice held no accusation. What had happened had apparently been hard enough on the entire tribe.

"I have better control than Sam! I have better control than all of them!" Jacob insisted, clearly outraged at my insinuation. "That's why you're still alive!" _'For now!'_ he amended, in his mind.

I ignored both comments, verbal as well as mental, deciding to try a different approach. Perhaps he refused to see the danger he himself posed. But what about the rest of the pack?

"What about the rest of the wolves, Jacob?" He furrowed his black brows, narrowing his dark eyes at me. "Do you really think it's safe to have Bella in such close proximity to them if their self-control isn't as good as yours?

His mind once again filled with an image. This time, it was a room full of young Quileute men, the wolves I assumed. They seemed to be having a meeting, a discussion, and…Bella was there.

_That is none of your business! And that has nothing to do with this! That was an accident! They __are__ peaceful!"_ Bella shouts at one of the young wolves.

"_Pfft! Some accident! What? The parasite accidentally lunged at you when you cut your finger? Hey maybe I could have that kind of "accident" too!" _he threatenedher. In the next instant, Jacob lunged for him.

Blind, seething fury filled my entire being. My breathing came in hard and sharp pants. My nostrils flared, and my fists clenched and unclenched, fighting the urge to attack the Quileute in front of me in place of the one I didn't have near me.

"Did you kill him?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"No. But he will never come near Bella again!"

"You let him live?" I asked incredulously. My eyes widened in disbelief that the animal that had dared to threaten Bella still breathed. So much for his loving Bella.

"Yes! The same way you let your bro live after he almost took a bite out of Bella!"

"That was different! Jasper loves Bella! What happened was an accident! He didn't mean for it to happen!" I couldn't believe he'd compare what his mongrel brother did to what had happened with Jasper.

"Yeah, sure, sure. An 'accident,'" he repeated, making quotation marks in the air. "Paul would never dare come near Bella again. And if he ever did, I'm here to protect her. That's the difference between you and me. I care enough to stick around." He grinned again, his white teeth shining against the background of his skin, and the black night.

"Are you really that willing to gamble with her life? To gamble with the possibility that something like that may happen again, if you insist on keeping her in your world?"

Something changed in the dog's face. It was as if a cold bucket of water had been thrown on him. He stared at me in disbelief, shaking his head as if he'd just realized something incredibly obvious.

"That's why you left, isn't it?"

I didn't answer.

He laughed at me. "You stupid jackass! You left her because you thought you were a danger to her!" I looked away from him as he continued to laugh at my expense.

He continued taunting me now. "You are so freakin' stupid man! You got any idea what that half-assed decision did to her?"

"Yes. Since I've returned I've seen, in people's minds, including yours, that it was difficult for her."

"And so what then? You now expect me to make the same stupid mistake you did and leave her? Leave her to you?" he smirked, still pleased with himself at having figured out my mistake.

"I told you already. I'm not here to take her away from you. At least not in the way you think. I don't think either one of us is good enough for her."

"Well unlike you, I'm gonna let her make that decision" he replied smugly. "But unless she tells me she doesn't want me, I'm not going anywhere bloodsucker!"

"Don't you care at all about her safety?" What kind of mutt was he, to put his base desires above Bella's needs?

"I told you, _I_ keep her safe!" The smugness had left his voice, and he was back to being furious. The trembling in his hands continued. "I'll never leave her! The only way I'll ever leave her is if I'm dead!"

"That can be arranged." The words were out of my mouth instantaneously, a spontaneous response to his tempting offer. Before I could attempt to diffuse the situation however, Jacob was in my face, his fist quickly aiming for my jaw. I grabbed it in one hand, holding the rest of him back with my other hand.

Jacob strained against me, trying to make his fist connect with my face, but my grip on his hand was unbreakable. He struggled for a few seconds longer, his fury growing with the realization that he was getting nowhere. He backed away from me quickly, and for an instant, I thought he would just give it up. But of course, being the dense creature that he was, he came for me again. When I grabbed his fist this time, the pressure exerted was enough so that I heard a distinct cracking sound emanating from within his hand. Jacob's enraged howl echoed throughout the woods, reverberating off the thick trees and the vast canopy of wet leaves above. He backed away again, but this time his entire body shuddered, rocking in convulsions. He threw himself to the ground, rocking on all fours. His thoughts became a muddled incomprehensible mess, and I realized he was close to phasing into his wolf form.

Abruptly, Bella's face materialized in my mind. Her love for this grotesque half-animal before me was unquestionable, and she would forever hate me for taking him away from her like this, regardless of how dangerous he was. She would be devastated, of that I had no doubt. Alice's words from just a short while ago came to me then, _'__I don't think she'd be able to forgive you.' _ I shook my head from side to side, fighting back my own rage, and trying desperately to see a way out of this situation. With growing dread, I recognized my mistake. I'd let my anger at Jacob get the best of me, and now I would be forced to put him down. As much as I hungered for the kill, I knew that –for Bella- I had to try to prevent what was about to happen.

"Jacob, if you phase now, I will have no choice but to fight you!" I spoke loudly and clearly, hoping he still had some control of his mind and his hearing. "Regardless of who wins, Bella will be hurt. Are you sure you want to do this?" I crouched down, ready for the werewolf.

Jacob looked up at me, his body still convulsing in spastic movements. His breath came in sharp stabs, and his dark eyes bulged, as if ready to pop out of their sockets any second. But instead of phasing, I watched as the spastic movements slowed, his breathing slowly regulated, and his eyes, although still wild, receded back into their sockets.

After a few moments, Jacob straightened up off the ground. He glared at me menacingly, his eyes narrowed into slits and his mouth twisted in a snarl. _'She's the only reason. The only reason to stop. She won't forgive me. I can't lose her!'_ he thought to himself. "Ugh! She'll never forgive me!" he muttered to himself, in a voice so low I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it. His body finally stopped quivering, until only his hands were shaking now. Once I was sure he was under control, I straightened out from my crouch.

"You have better control than I thought." It was a statement of fact. Jacob had surprised me. I didn't think he'd be able to control the change.

"Go to hell, bloodsucker! Next time, I won't stop myself!" I knew it was true, just like I knew that I wouldn't be able stop myself next time either. Although I knew killing him would hurt Bella, my instincts hungered to spill his blood. It would be best to try to avoid such a confrontation again, unless we were both willing to finish what we started.

Jacob flexed his hand, the one with the broken bones.

"I apologize for that." I knew from the stories Carlisle had shared with me that broken bones healed quite quickly on werewolves. The fact that he was able to flex the hand at all meant he must have already started the healing process.

Jacob continued to flex his hand, his snarl turning into that maddening grin again.

"No need!" he snapped, the grin looking unnaturally white against his dark skin, and against the filtered moonlight from above. "My hand's just fine." He continued to twist and turn it, showcasing his unnatural healing abilities. "What? Did you really think that sad display of strength before actually did a damn thing to me?" He snorted. "You don't know a freaking thing about me or what I can do!"

I needed to keep a hold on the tenuous ceasefire we'd somehow managed for now, so I held my tongue, neglecting to tell him that I'd heard the agonized howl when I broke his fingers, that I knew all about his physiology and probably understood how it worked better than he did, and that I'd actually been trying to restrain myself when I crushed his bones. It could have easily been his heart between my fingers. I repressed a smile at the thought.

"I've only got one more thing to say to you Cullen!" It was the first time he'd addressed me as something other than his derogatory terms for me.

"Bella is mine! I'm not gonna ask you to stay away from her because I don't want to hurt her, but she is mine now! You made your stupid decision and you've gotta live with that for eternity!" He smiled triumphantly. "She loves me now! So keep your leech hands off!"

"You refuse to see reason then?" I questioned, giving him one more chance to be a real man.

"If by see reason you mean leave her, then yeah! I'm not seeing reason!"

"Very well" I could see there was nothing else I could tell him that would make him understand.

"But just know one thing Jacob Black. I'm not going anywhere until I know Bella is safe." He glared at me murderously, but kept control of himself.

"I made the mistake of leaving her in danger once, yes. It's true. But I had no idea then what danger I was leaving her in. I will not do that again. I'm not going anywhere until she sends me away either. And even then..." I stopped, not needing to fill him in on all my plans, "even then, I'll always make sure she's safe from now on."

"She's mine Cullen!" The wolves mind had had enough. His only thought now was that Bella was his. He was beyond being reasoned with. It was time I left before things became escalated again.

"Goodbye Jacob." I turned my back on him and walked away, fully expecting him to lunge at me once I had my back turned. But the lunge never came. Instead, he watched me walk away, mentally repeating to himself, "_she'd never forgive me, she'd never forgive me."_

When I reached Alice a few minutes later, she was up on a tree -the same one I'd been using for the past few nights- once again guarding Bella for me. I quietly climbed on a limb next to her. Alice sat motionless, staring out at the little white house a couple of miles away. My eyes followed hers, both of us focusing on the small window on the side of the house.

"So how'd it go?" she asked, keeping her eye on the house.

"Not too well," I responded, glad for once that Alice wasn't able to see the wolves, and had therefore missed my lapse in control.

"Yeah, I didn't think it would." She looked over at me. "So what's Plan B again?"

I exhaled sharply. "Plan B is trying to get through to Bella." Alice said nothing in response, but even I could see the futility in that plan.

"Have you thought about what we spoke about before? Shall we call it, Plan C?"

"No Alice, I haven't thought about it. Not only is it useless to consider, but I had an angry werewolf to contend with. I was a bit tied up."

'_So damned stubborn'_ she thought, looking away from me. But she said nothing in response, instead filling me in on the night's events.

'_Bella's night's been uneventful so far. She did seem to be paying an awful lot of attention out her window just before she got in bed.'_ Over the past couple of nights, I'd noticed that Bella did seem preoccupied with the window before she got in bed. She obviously couldn't see me, and I wondered what exactly it was she kept looking for. I would probably never know.

'_Be ready for Rose when we get home,'_ Alice continued. '_She wasn't too thrilled about having her 'Dancing with the Stars' marathon interrupted to come fix up 'Bella's little crapmobile' as she called it.' _ I rolled my eyes. Angry werewolves would be nothing compared to Rosalie's wrath, I was sure.

"She's over there taking care of it right now. If you listen closely enough, you can probably hear her cursing you under her breath. Other than that, all's quiet on the Swan front," Alice giggled.

I shook my head and looked down at the ground, running my hand through my hair in frustration. Rosalie's ire was the least of my concerns right now. I'd failed at making the dog understand the danger he posed in Bella's life, and I had little hope of making Bella see the point. How was I going to fix this?

Alice noticed my irritation. She reached over to pat me on the back.

"Hey, cheer up there," she encouraged. "The sun'll be up in a few hours. Bella will be up," she smiled. And I couldn't help but smile back at the thought.

Yes. No matter what, I'd be seeing Bella again in a few hours. That thought was enough to chase my misery away. For now, at least.

**Okay, there you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Just want to make one thing clear. While I am definitely Team Edward, I have a lot of love and respect for Jacob. I can definitely understand his reactions and his thoughts. He feels threatened and he's going to lash out. Please, not too much Jacob hating. **

**Next chapter will continue from Edward's POV (Merry Christmas Danna!). We have their first full weekend together, and it'll be memorable. **

**A couple of chapters ago, Jasper and Emmett started a bet on how long Edward would last before he broke and confessed his true feelings to Bella. Anyone care to put their two cents in? Who do you think will break first? Edward or Bella? How long do you all think they'll last before one of them breaks down? Let me know!**

**Reviews are really really appreciated and enjoyed. Press the little green button below and leave one. Go ahead. You know you want to! **


	16. Chapter 17 Eclipse

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Been really busy with Christmas preparations, as I'm sure many of you have been. But I promised a chapter before Christmas, and here it is. I've got two more in draft stage which I would've liked to have gotten out before the holidays, but I don't think it's going to happen. Just know that you won't have a long wait after the holidays for the next to Chapters!**

**Thanks so much to my Betas, Danna0724 and ADgroovy. Merry Christmas to both of you and thanks for reviewing this even though I know you guys are busy!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters.**

**Happy Holidays!**

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to be lost again."  
_-Unknown_

Chapter 17 – Eclipse

EPOV

"Oh bless you Emmett and your magic hands!" Bella cried blissfully, looking up at my brother in awe.

"Yeah, Rose says that every night. Don't you baby?" Emmett leered, waggling his eyebrows at Rose. Rose snorted and rolled her eyes at him, in a foul mood since very early this morning. I watched all of them from the other side of the room, halfway between wanting to dig the tool I held in my hand in Emmett's throat, and amused at Bella's reaction.

It was 85 degrees in the little town of Forks this Saturday afternoon. Warm, by most standards, and absolutely sweltering by Forks standards. My brothers and sisters had arrived here this morning a few hours before Bella and I. They'd started on the necessary demolition of the little store that would be necessary to get it to the finished state which Alice had seen. I'd asked them to get that portion done before Bella arrived this morning; I didn't want to risk her getting herself hurt as four over-eager vampires tore up through metal, wood and other potentially lethal objects. The others had quickly agreed, always eager to cause destruction in any shape or form. But as much fun as the demolition portion of Bella's project sounded, I'd stayed in the woods after Alice went home to Jasper and the rest of our waiting family, -watching as the sun rose behind the clouds and thanking God or whoever was out there that the slow dark night had finally ended. From my careful position perched on the Evergreen a couple of miles away from Bella's house, I wasn't able to check on her as well as I would've liked to, but it was necessary to keep my distance, lest the mangy mutt pick up _my_ scent too close to Bella's house and overreact. So it was from this distance that I had to satisfy my need to keep her safe during the nighttime hours when she slept. From here, the most I could do was make sure no harm came to her door.

The sharp shrill of my phone forced me to momentarily tear my eyes away from Bella's window. I begrudgingly checked the caller ID, which showed me that Rose was the one calling. I groaned aloud, knowing she wouldn't be too happy with me this morning.

"Yes Rose" I answered the phone, waiting for her to tear into me.

"Where the hell are you?" she shouted into the phone. "The rest of us have been here for over an hour already! I think Bella's capable of dressing herself without some sick vampire-perv's assistance! Get your ass over here!"

I exhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of my nose. Rose was going to be on a rampage today.

"Rose" I answered her through clenched teeth, "I don't appreciate you insinuating I'm peeking into Bella's room as she dresses."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did that sound like me insinuating? I'm outright saying it! What do you do then when she's changing?"

"First of all" I responded, trying to keep my voice even. Rose had done me a huge favor last night, but I wasn't going to let her get away with what she was saying, "Bella is smarter than to change right by the window. Second of all, if I were to see she had some…intention of removing a clothing item that would reveal something…private, I would turn my head of course, and give her the privacy she deserves."

"Yeah, whatever Edward, I lost interest in your explanation as soon as you opened your mouth" she said in a dismissive tone. I swear, of all my siblings, none could get under my skin as well as Rosalie. "Look, I think we're done with the demolition portion of this project, just as you asked us. Do you plan on giving us a hand here today, or are you playing foreman to our underpaid handymen?"

"Rose, I'll be there as soon as I see Bella leave the house." I didn't apologize for not joining them in the demo. As much as Rose was complaining, I knew her and the rest of my siblings. I could only imagine how much fun they'd had tearing the inside of that store apart. Rose wasn't fooling anyone.

"By the way Rose" I asked quickly before she had a chance to hang up on me, as usual. "How did everything work out with Bella's car yesterday?"

"Her crapmobile is as good as new," she answered in a bored tone. "Better, even. I added some horsepower to the engine while I was at it, see if it encourages her to drive more like someone her age, instead of like someone…well, your age" she jabbed.

I drew in another sharp breath, holding my tongue against uttering all the colorful responses I was tempted to hurl at my dear sister. Regardless of the foul mood she found herself in this morning, I was grateful to her. Bella would've been furious at me if she'd found her little Beetle destroyed. She'd grown fond of it, I could tell.

"Thanks Rose." I muttered, trying to instill in my words the true gratitude I felt, regardless of how irritated she had me right now.

"Wow, Edward. Really. Don't put so much emotion into that 'thank you'. You're embarrassing me!" she replied sarcastically.

"No Rose. I really appreciate it. I owe you one." My sister had, as usual, come through for me, even if we didn't always see eye to eye, and I felt a bit contrite at not having sounded more sincere.

"Oh, don't mention it dear brother." Her voice sounded dangerously sweet now. I could hear the sneer in her tone, and I knew I'd be paying for both disturbing her TV time last night and my insincere-sounding apology really soon. "But yes, you owe me one, and I'll be collecting real soon!"

I heard a commotion in the background, the sound of glass breaking and floorboards being ripped up, among other dangerous sounding rips and tears. Rose turned her attention away from the phone. "What the hell Alice? Can't you control them for 10 seconds while I talk to this dumb sack of-" She turned back to the phone.

"Look Edward, I've gotta go. Emmett and Jasper seem to have misunderstood what Alice meant when she said 'take care of those floors.'" I once again, pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Ugh! Idiots!" I heard her yell back away from the phone. She exhaled loudly before speaking into the phone again.

"Hurry the hell up Edward, or else you'll have to find a way to get the Newton's next door to sell you their space for Bella's little bookstore, because I don't guarantee this space'll be standing much longer!" I heard a click, and silence.

I let out a frustrated sigh, afraid of what I'd find once I reached the store this morning.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of color move quickly in front of Bella's house. As I looked up at the little white house a couple of miles away, I saw Bella quickly walking down her driveway, shrugging into her heavy raincoat as she opened her car door with the remote. She quickly pulled the passenger door open, bending lower to throw her bag on the seat, and then paused for a second, closing her eyes and drawing in a large breath while a small smile formed on her lips. I furrowed my brows, intrigued by her gesture, and for probably the thousandth time in my life, wondered what was going through that beautiful and complex head of hers.

Bella straightened up after a couple of seconds, closing the passenger door and quickly moving to the driver's side. As she climbed in and started the car, I watched her drive away, silently praying that no harm would come to her on the drive to the store. Dropping to the ground now that Bella was out of my sight, I quickly made my way by foot to Bella's store, anxious to start the day with her.

As I reached the edge of the wooded areas that surrounded the strip mall housing Bella's investment, I could hear my siblings arguing inside.

"You are so dead Emmett! Edward's gonna have your head when he gets here and sees what you've done! I'd high-tail it to Canada right now if I were you!" Rosalie's voice was shrill, and extremely annoyed.

"Relax babe! This is how these things are done! You've gotta tear _everything_ out if you want it to look the way Alice's plans have it!" Emmett defended himself, his voice as calm as always. "Besides," he continued "if I go on the lam, Jasper here'll have to join me. He wasn't exactly sitting by and watching as this work of art was created!"

"No one's going on the lam to Canada" Jasper responded quietly, his southern drawl kicked up by the exasperated tone in his voice. "Emmett's right. This is how these things are done. We've helped Esme gut plenty of buildings over the years, while you girls went shopping for furniture and such. Which is probably what you all should have done today and left this work to the men."

"Hey, hold on there Caveman." Alice's voice was cool, but I could tell Jasper's last comment was going to cost him. "I'm not going to tear into you for the utter disaster here the way Rose is, but reign in that 'me Tarzan, you Jane' crap".

"Sorry…little lady" Jasper teased her, to which Alice giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Ugh!" Rose moaned. "Your vision, Alice? What happened to all that 'Bella this is still your show' mumbo jumbo you were spewing the other night? I knew you were just blowing a bunch of smoke up her human butt!" I shook my head at the childishness of all four of them. "Fine, you know what? Forget all three of you! Edward can kick all of your dumb butts when he gets here. As a matter of fact, maybe I'll help him!" she threatened.

As I got to the edge of the strip mall, I wondered how bad the destruction was to get Rosalie to break ranks with the rest of them, with her own husband, and offer to join the dark side with me. They were all facing each other, wondering who would be the easiest person to blame for the catastrophe, so I couldn't really get a good look at the shape of the tore, but I was sure it had to be bad for them to be plotting to turn on each other.

Emmett snorted, a loud laugh filling the entire store. "Yeah right, as if Edward could ever-" _'Crap, he's here!'_ he thought as he caught my scent. The rest were silent also, probably catching my scent at the same time.

"Quick everyone, clean uuuupppp!"' Alice yelled.

The sound of chunks of concrete and slab and glass being thrown around filled the air, and through Emmett's eyes I could barely make out the sight of he and the rest moving at our enhanced speed, throwing large chards of waste into the huge garbage bin that was just outside Bella's door.

As I approached the store, I momentarily froze, quite ready to rip someone's head off indeed.

There was nothing left of Bella's store. Just three walls holding a roof up. No floors, no window front, no bathroom, nothing but loose wiring and broken pieces of concrete, wood and other materials scattered around the slab that used to be a floor.

"What. The. Hell." I managed through gritted teeth, looking from one to the other, deciding who to lunge for first.

"Hey, don't look at me." Rose muttered. "I'm the only one here who tried to stop this mess. Blame Tinkerbell over there who was encouraging these two buffoons."

I looked over at Alice, full of disbelief that she'd actually let this happen.

"Edward, relax." Alice said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at me, as if I were overreacting. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"And what exactly is that?" I asked, my voice seething. "Trying to give Bella a heart attack? She'll be here any minute. Even you, even the five of us together can't fix this before she gets here!"

"Hello?" she scoffed at me. "No one's trying to get this fixed before she gets here," she exclaimed in a tone that implied that that fact should've been plainly obvious. I narrowed my eyes at her, pushing her to explain.

She sighed in exasperation. "Edward. How long have you known me?" Too long, I thought to myself, but she went on before I could answer. "Do I ever do things half-way?" I pressed my palms to my eyes, shaking my head quickly. I had no one but myself to blame for letting Alice take charge of this project. She was right. I should've known she'd make it as complicated as possible.

"Did you really think I was just going to go for a quick fix?" she continued. "_Everything _had to come down. We have to start from scratch! It's the only way my vision, the vision Bella agreed to, can come to its true fruition!"

"She is going to have a fit." I spoke each word slowly, trying to get my well intentioned but certifiably insane sister to understand.

"Nah!" she waved her hand through the air, as if dismissing my baseless assumption. "She'll be fine. After a little Bella-whining, she'll be okay" she insisted, and I wondered what exactly she'd seen.

"Besides Edward," Alice continued, "we're vampires. How long do you really think it would've taken us to just do a quick-fix of the store?"

"The weekend?" I answered her with a smirk.

"Yes, the weekend. And then we would've been done. And what excuse would we have had to hang out with her? This way, we get to spend more time with her. As it is, we'll still be done with the job faster than a whole construction crew could've done it. If everything goes as planned, the store should be ready for its grand opening around the same time as her graduation. More than ahead of schedule. Perfect timing, I'd say," she exclaimed happily.

Bella's graduation was three weeks away, and as much as I hated the fact that she was being just a bit on the manipulative side, I couldn't disagree with Alice's logic. It would give us more time with Bella. And in the end, that's exactly what I craved.

Before I could answer Alice, we all heard the sound of a car pulling into the strip. I turned my head and saw Bella's car slowly approaching. Her eyes grew wide as she neared and realized their was no glass where the front of the store used to be, and I cringed. I turned back to Alice.

"We'll finish discussing this later," I promised her.

"Oh please" she retorted, rolling her eyes at me again, and turning towards Bella now, who was slowly getting out of the car, her eyes looking past the five of us standing where her front store used to be. Alice waved her hand at Bella excitedly, and Bella closed her door, standing next to her car with a shocked look on her face. Her cheeks were flushed bright red, and I shuddered as I realized they were flushed in fury.

"Oh. My. God." she whispered, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. She tore her eyes away from the mess that used to be her store, and glowered at each one of us individually, starting with Emmett.

'_Damn, where'd that girl learn to give that death glare?'_ Emmett thought. _'Ed, you'd better make sure you never cross her man! If I wasn't a vampire, I think I would've wet my pants right now!'_

She worked her way to the rest of us, and her gaze fell on me then. She must've seen the remorse in my eyes at her having to go through this, because her eyes seemed to soften before she closed them momentarily and shifted her gaze to Alice – where it remained. A sixth sense must've told her who'd been running this show.

"What the hell happened here?" Bella hissed. Although it was still very early and most of the other stores on the strip hadn't opened up yet, Bella was trying to keep her voice down.

"So, what do you think?" Alice replied cheerfully, motioning with her hand to the store behind her, as if she were discussing a priceless work of art with her. "It's phase one."

"Phase one?" Bella repeated, her tone registering outraged disbelief. "What the hell do you do for phase two? Bring in the bulldozer and wrecking ball?" She was furious.

"Calm down Bella. Did you think I'd do this all without careful planning? The new storefront mirrors will be here in a couple of hours. As well as the new flooring. By the time we're done today, you'll have four walls and a floor again, and we can continue on from there. We've got some more materials arriving today, and we can start working on them right away. Everything's proceeding right on schedule.

I looked back at Alice in surprise. I wasn't aware that she'd already ordered so many materials. Apparently, she had planned ahead more than I thought.

'_I'm not a total fool Edward'_ she thought, as if hearing my thoughts. _'I planned ahead.'_

Bella stared at Alice without saying anything, the furious gleam still in her eyes

Alice huffed. "Don't forget you agreed to all this Bella. Don't get an attitude with me now," she warned.

"Agreed to this?" Bella cried. "I agreed to a simple remodeling, not a starring role in Extreme Makeover Vampire Edition!"

"A 'simple' remodeling?" Alice huffed. She pronounced 'simple' like it was a dirty word. "Bella, you know very well that the word 'simple' is not in my vocabulary. I would never do something just 'simple.'" Her voice was full of indignation.

Bella and Alice glared at each other -each woman unwilling to back down- while the rest of us watched them quietly, in awe, and, if I had to be honest, more than just a little fear.

My poor Bella was the first to look away. I wish I could've warned her that no one had ever -in the 50 plus years that I'd known Alice- ever beat her in a stare down contest.

Bella turned her back on Alice and the rest of us, her hands on her waist as she stared up at the grey skies. Unexpectedly, she placed each hand on either side of her head in frustration and growled. She turned to face Alice again, her eyes ablaze with irritation, her jaw clenched, her shoulders straightened, her whole body radiating rage. She looked like an avenging angel.

Absolutely…ravishing.

And I'd never burned for her more.

"How much?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.

Alice pursed her lips. "Graduation present Bella. Remember?"

Bella growled again, throwing her hands up in the air in disgruntlement. As she passed me, her eyes met mine, and she stopped in front of me. I held my breath.

"Did you know…?" she asked, signaling with her finger between the nuclear fallout and Alice.

"I swear Bella, I knew nothing about this," I assured her, both my hands held up with my palms out.

Alice snickered. _'Nice way to stick up for me there big brother!'_ she chastised me in her mind. _'I'll remember that next time you need someone_ _to dig you out of the many holes your bound to dig yourself into in the future!'_

Alice walked over to us and placed her arm around Bella's shoulder. Bella smirked, looking away from her.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Alice sang. "I know you're a little upset at me right now, but once you see the finished product, you'll thank me. Believe me, I know," she smiled confidently, tapping the side of her head with her forefinger.

"Yeah, whatever Alice" Bella muttered, looking up at me and rolling her eyes. My lips twitched from the effort it took not to laugh. Even I knew Bella couldn't remain upset at Alice for too long. Alice would keep bugging Bella for attention until Bella gave in.

"Fine, so where exactly do we start now guys?" Bella asked, her voice sounding more resigned. She pulled a black ponytail off her wrist, where she'd been carrying like a bracelet, and started pulling her hair through it. "We've got to get at least some of this mess cleaned up by tomorrow. Gabby's going to join us, and she can't exactly see you guys carrying 300 pound boulders on your shoulders like they're a 5 pound brick!" She stared at Emmett who was doing exactly that. He grinned at her wildly before dumping the boulder effortlessly into the garbage bin.

"You invited the human girl?" Alice whined. "Aw, come on! That's gonna seriously put a damper on our fun!"

"Um, hello," Bella exclaimed sarcastically. "Last time I checked, I was a human girl!"

"Yeah, but you're in on the charade! We don't have to pretend around you!" Alice insisted. She turned to walk back into the store, and then stopped abruptly, as quick visions flashed before her eyes. Paint splatters, Bella, Gabby and my sisters dancing wildly, Gabby whispering something to Bella. Alice turned back around to face Bella.

"You know what? Forget what I just said. I have a feeling we're all going to have a great time with her tomorrow!" She skipped back into the store happily.

Bella looked at me warily. "What was that about?" she asked.

"Far as I can tell, Alice is planning on recreating an old episode of "The Facts of Life" tomorrow."

Bella eyed me curiously, but didn't question me anymore about it. Instead she repeated her previous question.

"Okay, whatever. So where do we start now?"

"You, Bella, won't be starting anything just yet" I clarified. The inside of the store was still a disaster; large pieces of dangerous, jagged, and potentially lethal -to a human at least- chunks of debris littered the entire area. Alice and the rest had started cleaning out when I'd arrived, but hadn't had a chance to clean everything up yet. And there was no way in hell Bella was going anywhere near that mess.

Bella looked up at me questioningly.

"Let us get all this junk cleared out, and then you can come in, and we can figure out where we go from there. Ok?" I asked, not wanting her to feel like she wasn't in control of this project.

"So in other words, you guys'll be doing all the work today, while I just stand around and do nothing." It was a statement, not a question.

"No Bella. Of course you'll be helping too. But just let us-"

In that instant, Alice sucked in a large breath, looking at me with terror-struck eyes. Immediately, I followed along with the vision she was having of Bella dropping a large chunk of concrete on her foot, screaming at the top of her lungs as the rest of us looked on in horror.

When the vision ended, I noticed Bella still looking up at me, a curious look on her face now.

"What was it?" she asked, obviously aware that Alice had just had a vision.

"Bella, please, just let us clean up a bit. Then you can come in." My voice was pleading now.

Bella started to open her mouth to argue, and then quickly closed it as it dawned on her that the vision had been about her.

"Oh fine!" she agreed in an exasperated tone.

I smiled at her in relief, grateful she wasn't going to force me to tie her to a chair to keep her out of the store. To my happy surprise and utter bewilderment, Bella blushed a wonderful shade of bright pink as I watched her; her former irritation appearing to melt away. Her eyes radiated warmth again, rather than angry fire, and she then blessed me with a tender smile in return; a smile that sent sparks of warmth through my entire being. Had I not been a cold, dead vampire, I'm sure I would've melted right then and there.

Tearing myself away from her gaze, I pulled off my raincoat. The day was quite warm and humid already, and even if it hadn't been, the raincoat was just for show anyway. I felt perfectly comfortable in the short-sleeved t-shirt I was wearing underneath. I walked over to Bella, who was watching me with curiosity, and taking her gently by her arm, led her to her car. Thankfully, she didn't pull away from me this time, like she had last night. She walked to the car with me calmly, although her heart still hadn't recovered its normal rhythm from her argument with Alice a few minutes ago

"Bella l-" I stopped myself, closing my eyes in frustration. It was so hard to resist the urge to call Bella 'love', especially when I was touching her like this. The word just flowed naturally when I was around her. Quickly, I began again, before Bella realized my mistake.

"Bella, listen. Why don't you sit here for a few minutes? We'll be done quickly. I promise." I placed my raincoat on top of the hood and gently picked her up by her waist, slowly placing her on the hood. Bella's heart stopped.

I looked at her concerned now; too lost in my worry to have let go of her waist. Bella's eyes were wide as she stared back at me, and then just as suddenly, her heart started beating wildly again.

"Are you alright?" I could hear the distress in my tone.

Bella blinked a few times before answering me. "Um…yeah, I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed by all this."

And for one nanosecond, I hated Alice. Because in that fraction of a second, I'd let myself hope. I let myself hope that Bella had reacted to my touch; that her erratic heart rate had been caused by me, rather than by Alice's ridiculous antics. Alice's insane idea from last night had somehow found it's way into my subconscious, against my better judgment, and now I was starting to see signs where there were none. _'No. Stop this!'_ I reprimanded myself. _'Your stupidity will only make things worse between you and Bella!'_

Realizing I was still holding Bella by the waist, I quickly dropped my hands and took a couple of steps back. Bella stared at me, her eyes still wide, and I could see that she was breathing rather hard. Damn! I was making her nervous again! Could I never learn how to compose myself around her?

I quickly turned away from her, hurrying to help my brothers and sisters dispose of all the debris, and cursing myself for being so ridiculous.

Quickly, the five of us brought out all the debris to the disposal we'd rented. I tried to keep my eyes off of Bella as I worked, afraid that she'd see through me if I let myself look at her before I'd had a chance to clear my head. If she knew half of the things going through my mind right now, she'd never want to be around me again.

It was hard though, not looking at her when she was so close, when her deliciously intoxicating scent swam all around me, intensified by the humidity of the day. There was no chance for me to clear my head, Bella was all around me. In my thoughts, in my eyes, in my nostrils; I was completely consumed by her. So like the weak being that I'd proven myself to be time and time again, it was only a few minutes before my eyes drifted directly to her.

And she was looking at me. She was looking at me with the most inexplicable expression. Her face was flushed again, and she was furiously biting on the inside of her lip.

Alice came out just then, a huge boulder placed thoughtlessly on her tiny shoulder. She looked from me to Bella and rolled her eyes as she effortlessly dropped the 200 pound boulder into the disposal bin. I threw out my own debris, as we both stood next to the bin. She looked directly at me now, and sighed dramatically, shaking her head.

'_You two are so ridiculous, I swear!'_

I smirked at her, irritated that she was starting with this again.

'_Stop being so blind Edward!_' Alice whined, and before I could reply to her, she called out Bella's name.

"Bella" Alice started quickly, and Bella quickly turned to Alice. Alice kept her eyes on me, trying to gauge what my reaction would be to her inane stunt. I glared at Alice furiously, shaking my head infinitesimally to let her know that she had to stop this idiocy right now.

Alice sighed again before continuing, but it was a sigh of resignation.

'_Blind!'_

"Bella, while you're sitting there, I need you to focus on a name for this baby now". Alice continued to look at me as she spoke to Bella.

'_Fine, I won't say anything Edward, but you need to open your eyes to what's going on right in front of you!'_ She turned her eyes back to Bella as she continued speaking.

"The window calligraphers will be here this afternoon and you have to have a name picked out by then. I'd like to order the sign on Monday, so you've got to give me a name."

"What?" Bella asked, as if she'd just been broken out of some trance. "Oh, okay," she continued, catching up to Alice's words.

"Well, I guess… 'Swan Books' will do."

Bella's words brought Alice's focus back to the matter at hand.

"Are you…you're joking right?" Alice pleaded.

"What's wrong with 'Swan Books?'" I questioned, defending Bella.

Alice looked from Bella to me again, shaking her head in exasperation.

"What is this, the 1950's? Look, I realize this is a small town, but you've got to get rid of that small town mentality if you want this bookstore to succeed." Alice lectured.

"She's right." Rosalie had joined us now, having come to add her two cents to the conversation. I rolled my eyes when I saw the collection of concrete and debris she had hoisted on her shoulder, and silently thanked God my siblings had at least had enough sense to place a huge tarp around the little construction site, with only a small opening to the disposal bin. Other than Bella's car, which was parked right in front of the site, we were basically hidden from view of the rest of the Forks population.

"You can't give it a boring name like 'Swan Books'" You've got to think bigger, something more exciting, something that says, 'Hey, let's go hang out there, surf through the web, have us a great cup of coffee, and buy some books!"

Bella stared at them wide-eyed.

"Well, until a few days ago, this was just going to be a simple" –Alice groaned- "sorry, just a bookstore. No computers, no coffee," Bella continued flatly. "I…I really don't know what to name it now. Alice, can't you 'see' for me, what I name it?"

"Well, I did try looking to see if I could see the name, but you haven't decided it yet, and until you decide it, I can't see it. So get deciding please" she asked sweetly.

Bella bit the inside of her lip, and scrunched her brows up in concentration, and for the next 30 minutes, brainstormed for a name. Every time one of us would come out with garbage for the bin, she'd bounce one of her ideas off of us. And while I thought they were all great ideas, my sister's boycotted every single one.

"Bella's Books?" I heard her ask Alice as she came out again with more garbage.

"That's just as bad as Swan Books. Next."

"Forks Bookstore?" she asked Rosalie when Rose came out.

"Next."

"Olympic Books is out too Bella," Alice chimed in from behind Rose. Bella's face fell. "Just to make it clear Bella, stay away from names relating to the town, the state, the mountains, your name, your parents name, etcetera, etcetera" Alice clarified.

Bella drew in a deep breath, preparing to lose herself in concentration again.

"Books and More?" she asked me quietly when I walked out. I looked up at her expectant face, her forehead full of stress lines, and I wanted nothing more than to erase those lines and make her smile again.

"I guess that sounds- "

"No Bella. Keep going" Alice ordered, coming out and glaring at me.

'_Don't encourage her bland names just because you're trying to make her happy!'_ she chastised me.

Bella groaned in frustration, her eyebrows scrunching back up, the lines on her forehead growing deeper.

"Come on guys! Give me some ideas here!" she begged.

"How about-" I started.

"Don't you dare!" Alice cut me off. "This is her store Edward! Both of you have been giving me hell all morning about how I'm taking over and this isn't Bella's project anymore. Well, Bella, here's your chance to take over again!" Alice challenged.

Bella narrowed her eyes at Alice.

"Bella, I can easily give you a name, but are you sure you want something I came up with hanging up there, or something you came up with?"

"Fine, fine, fine" Bella moaned in defeat.

I hated to see her so perturbed, but for once, I couldn't argue with Alice. She was right, and we all knew it. This was something Bella had to come up with.

"Don't worry Bella. I'm sure whatever name you come up with will completely eclipse anything any of us could have come up with," I encouraged her. Bella was extremely bright. I had no doubt she'd come up with something.

"What did you say?" she asked me as I turned to bring out the last of the debris. I turned back to face her and saw that she had a tiny smile on her face, and it caused me to bring up half of my mouth in a smile in response.

"I said I'm sure that whatever you come up with will completely eclipse-"

"That's it!" she cut me off, her voice climbing two octaves. She jumped off the hood of her car. Her eyes were now sparkling with satisfaction.

My brother's and sisters all came out now, eager to see what had Bella so excited.

"What's it?" I asked her with a chuckle, her excitement rubbing off on me. I could've stood there and watched the satisfied sparkle in her eyes all day.

"Eclipse!" she yelled out. "The name of the store'll be Eclipse!"

And before I knew what was happening, Bella ran over and threw her warm soft arms around my waist. She laughed happily as she squeezed me as tightly as her human arms would allow, and the electricity and warmth that ran up and down my body in that instant was staggering. I could have died at that moment and been content.

Slowly, so as not to scare her away, so as not to undo what I was sure had to be a figment of my imagination, I brought my arms around her shoulders, holding her to me as gently as possible. Her scent was overpowering, and even though my mouth watered as I held her so close to me, there was no temptation there to hurt her. The temptation I found myself fighting in that instant was towards very different hungers.

"Thank you Edward" she whispered. Her voice still sounded excited. "Thanks for your help! I…"

Her voice trailed off.

"No need to thank me. You came up with it," I whispered back. My voice was thick with emotion, but I couldn't be bothered to care.

Bella was in my arms. The girl that I'd thought about non-stop since the day I first laid eyes on her in Junior year Biology class, so many years ago, was in my arms right now. The girl that I'd so naively pushed away years ago, giving up any right to ever hold her like this again, was thanking me with a hug. And even though I knew this moment meant something completely different to her than it did to me, even though I knew I had no right to hold her like this, even though I knew that though her arms were around me, her heart was somewhere very far away, in a little reservation a few miles from here, I didn't care. Because Bella was in my arms, and World War 3 could've broken out at that moment and I wouldn't have left this spot. I would've held her even tighter to me, holding her safe from all harm.

The whole moment lasted no more than 10 seconds, but they were the best 10 seconds of my life, since the day I'd left Bella. Even better than last week, when she'd landed in my arms, because this time, Bella had come to me voluntarily, not due to some accident that couldn't be helped.

I inhaled deeply, appreciating the floral scent emanating off of her, breathing in as her hair rubbed against my nose and chin. But as I contemplated placing a light kiss on the top of her head, wondering if she'd be able to feel it, Bella froze, and I instantly stiffened, silently cursing myself for being so careless.

And just like that, the moment was gone. Bella pulled away from me quickly, glancing up at me as she dropped her arms. He eyes were wide and troubled, her cheeks red with anxiety. I wondered what my own eyes reflected, because she dropped her gaze from me quickly, turning to look at Alice and Rose behind me.

"Alice, Rosalie, what do you think about 'Eclipse'?" she asked, her voice breaking at the end. Instantly, I abhorred myself for having taken such inexcusable advantage of her friendly display of gratitude. She would want me no where near her now.

Alice eyed her speculatively, while Rose smiled at her wickedly.

'_Well, well, well!'_ Rose thought. '_What the hell was that dear brother?'_

I ignored her taunting thoughts.

Alice kept her thoughts on the name Bella had just picked out.

"Eclipse," she repeated. Her eyes glazed over a bit, and I saw an ornately decorated sign gracing the front of Bella's store, the word 'Eclipse' prominently displayed in perfect calligraphy.

"Yes. Eclipse it is" Alice announced, coming out of her quick trance. Bella smiled lightly.

"Good job Bella," Alice exclaimed. "The word Eclipse, besides the typical definition relating to the obscuring of the sun or the moon, can also be defined as something that is much better than others, that overshadows others. Your store will 'eclipse' the others Bella."

Bella chuckled nervously. She appeared to be purposely keeping her eyes away from me.

"Well, I don't know about that, but I just thought it sounded like a good name."

"It's a perfect name Bella" I agreed, willing her to look back at me so I could try to determine how much I'd upset her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, but refused to look at me.

"Well, we're all done cleaning up" Jasper pronounced after a few seconds. "Bella, I think it's safe enough for you to come in now" he teased, and Bella smiled up at him, giving him the look she'd just denied me. Bella walked into the store stoically, without turning to give me a second glance. I stood there for two seconds, dumbfounded, baffled.

Alice walked back into the store, eyeing me the whole time, a knowing and satisfied smile on her face. I was completely lost, not knowing what Alice thought there was to be satisfied about right now, but I followed them in, desperate to redeem myself once again in Bella's eyes.

The first of many large Federal Express trucks started arriving a short while later, filled to the brim with new, top-of-the-line equipment for Eclipse, as we were all calling it now. The Front Window, wood floors, shelves, benches, Macs, equipment for the coffee station, and a myriad of other deliveries arrived one by one, as Alice stood outside until late morning, clipboard in hand and pencil perched over her ear, ready to cross off each item as it arrived on schedule. I realized how stupid it had been to doubt her vision earlier.

The rest of us busied ourselves inside, where Bella continued to ignore me. She stayed close to Rose, where they worked on spackling some of the holes left on the walls, and I was grateful that at least I knew she was safe; even if we were on opposite sides of the room -there wasn't really much danger in spackling walls. Emmett, Jasper and I started working on the electrical and wiring. The truth was that between the five of us, we could've probably had this place ready by tomorrow, but we had to work at a human pace, so that would mean dragging this out a bit. And as Alice had pointed out to me, that meant more time with Bella.

After a couple of hours, I noticed Bella start to stretch her arms, stretch her neck from side to side, and then wipe the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. When I took a closer look, I noticed that her short sleeved shirt was starting to stick to her torso. I groaned and looked away, knowing that if she caught me looking at her now, she'd really never speak to me again, and then berated myself even more for enjoying the way she looked while she was so obviously uncomfortable.

Emmett and Jasper looked at me questioningly, and I tilted my head in Bella's direction. Emmett fought to stifle a laugh.

'_I bet that's exactly what you need right now Ed, isn't it? You know, a true gentleman would offer to help the lady cool off right now'_ Emmett teased. I ignored his sick implication and rolled my eyes without answering.

'_Edward, Alice told us about Plan C, and I've got to tell you, I think you should go for it,"_ Jasper added. He, of course, put a lot of stock into whatever his wife said to him, so understandably he'd agree with her, because he couldn't see the damage that my confessing my true feelings to Bella would bring.

I shook my head at him.

'_Why not? Come on! You've gotta see that Bella obviously still has feelings for you.'_

I shook my head again, my irritation growing. They didn't understand what their words were doing to me, how they were making me react. Twice in one morning I'd already let myself do something stupid because of what Alice had thoughtlessly said last night. Already Bella was avoiding me, because even though my mind knew better than to believe she could still love me, my foolish heart had reacted to Alice's words.

_No!_ I repeated to myself, lest Jasper's words fuel my heart to react stupidly again. Bella no longer loved me, and if I continued to let my sibings words get to me, I would alienate her even more.

'_Edward, I could feel the love-'_ Jasper continued, but I cut him off before he could continue the thought, speaking low and quickly so that Bella wouldn't hear me.

"The love you feel coming off of her Jasper is the love that Bella feels for all of you, not love for me!" I hissed.

Emmett of course, heard me, and turned to look at me again. I could see his disappointment in my refusal to bow to their misguided advice. He suddenly got a wicked gleam in his eye, but before I could read his mind and determine what he was planning, he was at Bella's side.

"Hey Bella, you okay there?" his tone dripped of concern, while Rose and the rest of us eyed him speculatively.

"Ugh, Emmett as soon as that ventilation system gets here, that has to be your first priority. It's Africa-hot in here! I haven't been this sweaty since I lived in Phoenix."

Emmett suppressed a laugh. Quickly but gently, he placed both of his huge, ice-cold hands on her shoulders.

And that's how we got to Bella uttering those words to Emmett.

"Oh bless you Emmett and your magic hands!"

Jasper almost choked, and Rose smirked. Alice ran in from outside, a flash appearing before us. When she caught site of Bella's sweaty demeanor and Emmett's cold hands on her shoulders, she put a hand to her heart and let out a dramatic breath.

"I just had to see what would cause you to utter those words Bella". She shot her eyes to me.

'_And I had to make sure you didn't kill Emmett for whatever it was' _she added.

I wasn't so sure yet that I wouldn't.

I walked over to the small cooler I'd placed at the far corner of the room, opened it up, and was on Bella's other side in an instant.

"Here you go Bella. Hope this helps." I handed her a water bottle, glaring at Emmett and letting him know Bella no longer needed his services.

Bella finally, thankfully, looked up at me. She seemed confused.

"Where did this come from?" she asked in a low voice.

"I brought some water and food. In case…you know, you got hungry or thirsty. There's soda too, if you'd prefer" I added.

Bella continued to stare at me, and then slowly, her eyes went from confused to something else I couldn't read, but I could tell that she was both thankful and surprised.

"Thanks…again Edward," she smiled up at me. I felt total relief rock my body. With those three words, she completely relaxed me, knowing that she was speaking to me again.

"No problem Bella." I turned to walk back to my corner of the room.

"Hey how 'bout the rest of us?" Emmett guffawed. "You wouldn't happen to have a small grizzly packed in that cooler would you Edward?"

Once the front windows arrived, Jasper and I went to set those up. After being around for so many years, there really wasn't any aspect of this construction my brothers and I couldn't do as well, and truthfully better, than any construction company out there. At one point or another, we'd done it all, or we'd watched it get done, and if there was one benefit to our kind, it was that it didn't take long for us to learn.

So the day passed as we slowly worked to turn Eclipse into Alice's vision, working somewhere between vampire and human speed. We worked slowly enough so as to ensure we wouldn't raise any outsider's suspicions, but quickly enough so as not to get bored. Bella kept herself busy, refusing to just sit it out as the rest of us took care of everything, which made me both proud of her, and concerned that she'd over-exert herself. My sisters thankfully made sure she took plenty of breaks and kept herself hydrated and fed.

In the early afternoon, Emmett and I were working on some of the wiring, when I heard Alice turn her radio on loudly outside, where she and Bella and Rose were busy going over some color schemes in the cloudy Forks light. Instantly she and Rose's heads filled with fast moving images of different colors, too quickly for them to actually be considering any of the colors as part of the color-scheme for the store. I snuck a peek through the newly installed front windows to see what was going on, and I saw the three women grinning down at something Alice was showing Bella. Bella looked up and towards me suddenly, and then blushed and grinned wildly when she saw I was looking at her. She turned back to Rose and Alice and giggled conspiratorially, and I instantly knew I was being set up. Alice had recruited Bella into the first of the many pranks she liked to play when we were busy at work. I turned back around, ready and willing for any prank as long as Bella was involved. I didn't even mind that I had to listen to Alice and Rose sing "Poker Face" in their thoughts for the next few minutes.

When Bella walked in a few minutes later and yelled out in what was supposed to be an alarmed voice that a large spider was crawling down my shirt and that I should stay still while she retrieved it, I played along, completely ignoring the glaring facts that a) had there been a spider crawling down my shirt I would've felt it instantaneously, b) no spider in it's right mind would come anywhere near me, and c) Bella would never come near a spider willingly.

So I stayed still, as requested, while I watched my brother's mouths turn up in barely controlled twitches. When I finally felt Bella's hands touch my back, the smirk on my face completely disappeared, replaced by radiant shock. Even through the thin layer of my t-shirt, the warmth from her hands sent sparks of heat down my back. I stiffened reflexively, and I felt Bella's hands freeze momentarily from what I was sure was the shock of how cold my back was. She recovered quickly though, and the next thing I felt was a cool liquid being pored down my back. Bella let out a high pitched squeal.

"I did it!" she screamed. Alice and Rose ran in laughing like hyenas. My brothers busted into fits of laughter.

"I can't believe I did it! Alice, Rose, he's gonna kill me! Help!" She ran to hide in between both my sister's. I stood up slowly to examine what exactly had been poured down my back.

White primer. She'd poured a capful of white primer down my back, leaving a long white line in its wake.

'_Suits you perfectly, dear brother'_ Rose thought, a wide smirk on her face.

"Edward, they dared me to do it! I swear!" Bella screamed as I continued to examine myself. "They threatened to add a second floor to the bookstore if I didn't help them!" she pleaded, but I could hear the excitement and humor in her voice.

I raised my eyes to meet Bella. Her eyes sparkled with the thrill of having "pranked" me. I smiled evilly at her, stalking slowly towards where she stood sandwiched between Alice and Rosalie. I pulled out the black sharpie pen stuck in my back pocket.

"Alice, Rose, Bella isn't very familiar with me when I'm set on payback, but you two are. I suggest, unless the both of you really want to start a prank war with me, that you move aside. Now."

Alice and Rose both glared at me before looking down at Bella.

"Sorry Bella, you're on your own," Rose exclaimed flatly.

"Yeah. Seriously," Alice agreed. They were gone from her side before she'd even had a chance to grimace.

A low oath escaped her lips as she glared from Alice to Rosalie murderously. She looked back up at me and I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled, surprised at the word she'd muttered – though I couldn't deny that even that word sounded illustrious coming from her mouth.

"Edward." she warned, bending her legs slightly as she readied herself to run. "Edward, now don't forget, I'm human! You can't lunge at me without breaking my bones." Her heart was racing wildly. The suspense of knowing she was prey now magnified her intoxicating scent, but the wild flush on her face was caused by anticipation, not fear.

"Oh, don't worry Bella love. I remember how to be careful with you." I quivered at the words, and Bella's eyes widened from agitation. Walking to her slowly, I removed the top from the sharpie marker.

Bella glanced at the marker in alarm. "What…what're you gonna do with that?" She laughed a nervous laugh.

"You want to start a prank war with me Isabella? You've gotta be ready to pay the consequences!"

I grabbed her quickly but carefully, and she screamed. But it was a playful scream, a scream of pure delight. She knew I would never hurt her. She struggled against me uselessly, as I held both her arms with one hand and sank her down to the floor easily. She squirmed against me in fits of laughter, struggling playfully as I held her legs down with one of my own, and used the hand holding the sharpie marker to raise the hem of her t-shirt slightly to reveal the slightest bit of her firm stomach. She screamed louder.

"Help! Help!" she choked out through screams. But my brothers and sisters kept their distance, laughing hysterically.

By late afternoon, even I was surprised by how different Eclipse looked now. The windows were all up again, the floors were down, and Emmett was working on the air conditioning system, as Bella had asked.

The rest of the afternoon had flown by, and Bella looked exhausted. We'd given her every job we could think of that would have her reaching up. Removing nails from walls, measuring the windows, passing us tools from the top of the pile in Emmett's huge Ford F-450 truck outside (his "work truck", as he called it). All so that we could have the pleasure of watching her blush and groan every time one of us snarled at her playfully as the bottom of her stomach came into view.

"Really Edward" she admonished me. She was walking back into the store to the sound of Emmett and Jasper snarling in unison towards her after "helping" her grab the tools from the truck. "Of all the things to write. Couldn't you have been a little more creative?" she berated.

"Oh, I don't know." I laughed at her. The slight irritation in her eyes made them sparkle beautifully, and I was consumed with the light that shone out of them. "I think what I wrote was perfectly fitting, considering the company you're keeping this weekend. Wouldn't you agree?" I teased.

She snorted, but I saw the slight smile she tried to hide from me as she turned, hammer in hand, to remove some more nails off the walls.

I snarled at her as her midriff was once again exposed, and she turned her head slightly to roll her eyes, but they still held a hint of humor in them.

I laughed, as the words "BITE ME" came into view again.

* * *

If it were just us, we would've been able to continue working non-stop until everything was complete, but we had to stay to a human pace, and that meant calling it a day once I saw that Bella was having a hard time standing straight. As much as I hated having to say goodbye to her until tomorrow, I couldn't let her overdo it.

"I think it's time we call it a day" I called out.

"Let me just finish this wall" Bella responded, spackle in her hand, and truthfully, all over her hair and clothes.

"Bella, you look exhausted. That wall will still be there tomorrow." I knew she'd put up a fight to stop.

She must've been extremely tired, because surprisingly she didn't argue after that.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She dropped the spackle on the newspaper and sunk to the floor, her back against the wall. I sat next to her. We watched everyone else as they quickly cleaned up and set everything up for tomorrow.

"So what are you doing tonight?" I asked, wondering if she'd be going to see the dog after she left us…after she left me.

"Just going home to take a hot bath. Then I'll probably do some more studying for finals. I haven't really had a chance to do much lately."

My heart rejoiced at hearing that she wouldn't be going down to the reservation tonight. I couldn't get the image of the dog named Paul threatening her, even though Jacob claimed he could control him. I couldn't help the fear and anger that overtook me at the thought of Bella spending time where I couldn't follow; where I couldn't protect her. I knew I had to speak to Bella about this, especially before she decided to head to the reservation again, and I was grateful that for tonight at least, I could postpone the inevitable conversation that was sure to cause friction between us again.

"Is Jacob joining you tonight?" The words came out uneasily, and I fought to keep my voice steady.

She looked over at me, blushing again and biting her lip before looking away. She stared straight ahead as she answered me.

"No. Not tonight." She didn't elaborate, and I couldn't ask her to.

"Well, why don't you come over to us tonight?" My voice was low and careful. "I'm sure Esme would love to see you again."

Bella chuckled lightly before answering. "Edward, I was just there yesterday. I don't want to get Esme sick of me when she hasn't even been in Forks for a week yet."

"Bella, you know Esme could never get sick of you. She loves you very, very much." It was the closest I could get to telling her how much I loved her.

Bella turned to look at me. Her eyes held an unasked question as she opened her mouth hesitantly to speak. Quickly she closed it back up and looked down at her lap.

"Thanks, but…I think I'd better just go home. I do have a lot of work to do, and we've gotta come back here tomorrow…" she trailed off apologetically.

"Yes, you're right Bella. You do need to rest." I suddenly realized what a thoughtless fool I was being. Of course Bella needed to rest. She'd been here with us since early this morning. And now the insensitive monster in me wanted her to come to our house. As much as I craved her companionship, as much as I wanted her around me every single moment of my existence, I had to accept that she was human and needed rest. She was fragile and breakable, and unlike years ago, when I could still be with her even as she rested, I had to let her go now. Unexpectedly, I thought of Alice's question from late last evening.

"_Would you give her immortality now?"_

Aaaghh! Did Alice have any idea what she'd done to me last night? As much as I tried to turn away from that conversation, I kept coming back to it. I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, but the question was there. Would I give her immortality now? If Bella, this 22 year old smart, intelligent, strong woman were to ask me to make her immortal now, could I say no to her? Now that I truly understood what living a life without her was, now that I'd spent the past few years going insane without her?

Damnit! There was no point in even thinking about it, just as I'd told Alice last night. Bella no longer desired immortality, there was no point in contemplating that now.

"I'm sorry if we let you work too hard today. If you'd prefer, you can stay home tomorrow. We can take care of things around here-"

Bella laughed loudly, cutting me off. "Not a chance!" I looked over at her and her eyes were playful now; teasing. "You see what your sister there did while she fully expected me to show up this morning? I can only imagine what she'll do if I don't show up!"

"I heard that!" Alice yelled from inside the store.

"It wasn't meant to be a secret!" Bella yelled back, although Alice would have heard her regardless.

I chuckled at their needling, knowing how much they really loved each other. I could hear it in Alice's thoughts, and I could see it in Bella's eyes.

"Come on" I stood up and held my hand out to Bella to help her to her feet. She smiled up at me and stared at my hand for a moment before slipping her warm hand into mine. I pulled her up gently, enjoying the warming fire her small hand sent to my heart. She stood up next to me slowly, exhaustion evident in her slouch. It took all the strength I had to let go of her hand.

"I'll walk you to your car." My voice was low and resigned. Bella didn't answer me. Instead she turned her head slightly to the side and called out to the rest of my family.

"See you guys tomorrow." Her voice was low now too; she didn't have to raise it for them to hear her. They all called out good-byes and see you tomorrows to her in return.

We walked in companionable silence to her car. She opened the door and turned to face me. Once again, I thought I saw a question in her eyes, but the look faded as quickly as it had appeared. She gave me a friendly smile.

"Goodbye Edward. See you tomorrow." Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Goodbye Bella. Have a good night." I whispered back. She climbed in the car and turned it on. And just like that, in two minutes she was out of my sight.

That night, while my siblings went back home to spend the night in their various time-consuming activities, I took up perch in what was now becoming my usual spot on the great spruce a couple of miles from Bella's house. Watching to make sure no harm came to her door. The dog had not made an appearance tonight, for which I was extremely grateful

I looked at Bella's window. The lights were still on. I imagined her studying, her forehead creased in concentration as she went through her many notes. I pulled out my cell phone; the time was 10:28 pm. Was it too late to send her a quick message? Friends could do that right? Send each other short, quick messages? Just to say 'hi, how are you?' I smiled to myself as a message prepared itself in my head, and quickly typed the text out on my phone, hitting the send button before I could regret it.

DID THE MARKER COME OFF, OR ARE YOU PERMANENTLY VAMPIRE BAIT?

The phone vibrated with Bella's responding text quicker than I'd expected.

HA, HA. IT CAME OFF, THANKS FOR ASKING. SCRUBBED HARD. SOME MAY NOT FIND YOUR LITTLE JOKE TOO FUNNY.

I grimaced, realizing who she must've meant. No, he probably wouldn't find it too funny at all. I snapped the thick branch next to me off thoughtlessly as I pictured him having any view of her stomach.

Ugh! I couldn't even continue that thought.

SORRY, I typed out. But was I really?

My phone vibrated again.

NO BIG DEAL. WATCH YOURSELF TOMORROW THOUGH. THIS MEANS WAR.

She sent her next message on the heals of the previous one.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I MEAN.

I snorted, knowing what she must've thought I believed her message to mean.

OOOH. I'M TREMBLING.

YOU SHOULD BE.

I was. But not because of her prank threats.

GOOD NIGHT SWEET BELLA. SLEEP WELL.

I'M SURE I WILL. GOOD NIGHT EDWARD.

The rest of the night was a blur. I floated on air scrolling through me and Bella's short text conversation over and over again. Things were not perfect. They were far from it. But today had been a good day.

Still, I knew that eventually I would have to deal with the results of my conversation with the dog, and the knowledge that he wasn't willing to acknowledge that he was a danger to her. I knew I still had to talk to Bella about this, but at least it wouldn't have to be tonight. For tonight, she was safe. And I knew I'd force myself to speak to her about it before she went to the reservation and put herself in danger again. I had to.

**Okay, don't worry guys. We're getting really close to these two just telling eachother how they feel already! I know some of you are anxious, but it's been almost 5 years that they've been apart. They need to get to know eachother again a bit, feel eachother out, so to speak, before their can be any confession of undying love.**

**As I said, I've got two more chapters almost ready to go, (and they're both from Edward's POV!) but I can't promise they'll be up until after New Year's. Who knows, there might be a surprise though…**

**And I just wanted to thank ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY. I don't always get back to all of you, but believe me, I'd like to, and I appreciate and love, love, love reading every single review. Thank you again, you've made these last few months of 2009 really fun for me!**

**Hope to see you all again in 2010, where we'll see where Edward and Bella finally end up!**

**Happy New Year!**

**P.S. – As a parting gift for 2009, hit the green button below and review please! Thanks!**


	17. Chapter 18 We Vote Plan C

**A/N: Short author's notes: Hope you all enjoyed your Christmas. I was going to wait until after New Year's to get these next two chapters out, but after these we'll get to a crucial part of the story that I'm really desperate to get to. So here you go! Hope you enjoy! **

**Thanks to my Betas, Dann0724 and Adgroovy.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer!**

_Some things we don't talk about, better do without and just hold a smile.  
Falling in and out of love, a scene their proud of, together all the while  
You can never say never while we don't know it, time and time again  
younger now then we were before._

_Don't let me go, Don't let me go, Don't let me go. – Never Say Never, The Fray_

**Chapter 18 – We vote Plan C**

**EPOV**

Sunday was spent very much like the day before, fixing up Eclipse. In the morning, we moved somewhere between human and vampire speed to turn the little store into Alice's vision for Bella. But once early afternoon rolled around, the human charade started up at full swing.

Gabby arrived.

Bella was thrilled to see her when she walked in, crossing to her quickly.

"Gabby! You made it. Thanks for coming! You remember my friends, Alice, Rose, Jasper, Emmet and Edward, don't you?"

'_Wow. How do they manage to look so good while doing construction work?Look at them, they look like they're getting ready for a fashion shoot, not for a day manual labor.'_

I followed Gabby's gaze. She was looking over to where my sisters stood, prepping for the faux paint job they were going to give the walls. Both were wearing very expensive designer jeans and t-shirts; their hair covered with baseball caps which advertised to the world their designers of choice -Alice's spelled out "VERSACE" and Rose's spelled out "Dolce & Gabbana." I shook my head at their inability to be inconspicuous.

Gabby looked down at herself, feeling slightly inadequate. "Um, I think I'm underdressed," she exclaimed shyly.

Bella, realizing where Gabby's gaze had gone, chuckled. "Don't worry about it Gabs. You get used to them. You're not underdressed, and neither am I." She looked down at herself in her now-stained jeans and t-shirt.

Alice shot an angry glare at Bella. "That's a matter of opinion, Bella."

Gabby then noticed my brothers and me, working by the wood cutting machines. We were also dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and yes, I suppose they were designer. But that was entirely Alice's fault; she was in charge of doing our clothes shopping. It just made life easier for all of us if we let her pick out our clothes.

'_Wow. Just…wow'_ Gabby thought.

I made a mental note to insist that Alice stop buying us such fitted t-shirts. They made Emmett's already overgrown biceps pop out even more. And Jasper and I, although built considerably leaner than Emmett, looked unnaturally more muscular than actuality because of them.

Gabby turned back to Bella, her eyes wide.

"Yeah, I know" Bella whispered knowingly. "Distracting. But you'll get used to it."

I smiled despite myself. Maybe I'd let Alice continue shopping for me after all if Bella had that sort of reaction to it.

Gabby looked around the store, an awed look on her face. She was thinking that this place looked completely different from the place she and Bella had been cleaning up just a few days ago.

"Um, Bella what happened here? If I didn't know any better, I'd say we were in a completely different store."

Bella glared over at Alice. "Alice happened," was all she answered.

"You love me and you know it." Alice exclaimed flatly.

Yes, I suppose I do," Bella confirmed in a resigned tone. A small smile formed on her lips.

"So where do I start?" Gabby asked.

"You can help the other hum-" Rose started, she smiled evilly "I mean the other humongous pain in the butt over here" -Bella glared at her through narrowed eyes- "finish priming all these walls already. It's taking her forever and Alice and I need to get to work on these walls."

"Hmph! Come on Gabs. Ignore them and come join me over here" Bella said, pulling Gabby to where she'd been working. Rose threw a brush at her, hitting her in the behind.

"Hey!" Bella complained, turning back to eye Rose. She turned back around, rubbing her behind. I shot an icy glare at Rose, willing her to stop.

Rose sucked her teeth, lowering her eyes at me condescendingly. _'Are you kidding me? You practically tackled her yesterday and I can't throw a simple brush at her?_' I smirked at her.

'_Relax, her perfect little round bottom is still intact. I didn't take a piece off!' _she taunted.

I threw a brush at her, hitting her in the head. It was so quick only my family saw.

Rose slowly took her cap off, patting down her hair neatly and replacing the cap. She didn't look up at me, but I saw an evil grin form on her lips. _'You are seriously going to pay for that Edward.'_

I smirked, but I knew that the war was now officially on.

For the next few hours, we all worked peacefully, talking and teasing. Gabby turned out to be very similar to Bella in temperament, and she and my sisters hit it off pretty well, even considering the shock Gabby received when she first saw Emmett and Rose sneak off into the bathroom together. She gave Bella a startled look.

"But I thought they were bro-" she whispered in an alarmed tone.

"They're all adopted." Bella explained quietly, not turning from her work. "Emmett and Rose are actually married."

Gabby's head jerked back in surprise, and she looked over to the bathroom and then to Alice and Jasper.

"Yes. Jasper and I are married too," Alice explained, a song in her voice.

"Oh. Okay." Gabby's voice was still slightly confused.

'_Weird, but…I guess if they're adopted…So how about Edward? Is he paired off too? But he's been eyeing Bella all afternoon. He can't be-"_

She'd noticed me watching Bella?

Alice answered Gabby's question, as if reading her thoughts. "Edward here's the only one of us not married." She looked from me to Bella, who was still working intently on priming the wall, but said nothing else.

Gabby watched Alice look from me to Bella, and a look of quiet understanding crossed her face.

'_He loves her.'_ She thought it as a statement, not as a question. When she looked back at me, her eyes widened in surprise to find me looking at her. But instead of looking away, she gave me an understanding smile, and I smiled back at her quietly.

'_He looks so sad. I wonder what happened between them?'_

Alice interrupted the quiet exchange between Bella's friend and me. "So tell me about your love life," Alice asked. "Anyone meaningful in your life Gabby?"

Gabby sighed. "Nope. Not right now. I was dating a guy for a few months, but it didn't work out. I'm starting to think maybe I'm not meant to find someone."

"Don't be silly." Alice eyed Gabby intently for a few seconds. "You do want to find someone, don't you?"

"Of course! Don't we all?" Gabby smiled optimistically.

Alice continued to stare at Gabby with a little too much intensity for a few seconds. In her mind, I could see Alice searching, trying to find a hint of the girl's future, some sort of image confirming that the girl would indeed someday find her mate. But all Alice saw was a white wall…a sort of blank screen as if she were watching a TV with no image.

'Hmm…' Alice thought. 'That's weird. You'd think I'd at least get some sort of fuzzy glimpse or something. Oh well. Guess I don't know her well enough to see any part of her future.'

I smirked to myself, keeping my eyes on the wood pieces I was measuring and cutting. Of course, Alice would be nosy enough to try to see Gabby's future. It served her right not to be able to see. Whatever Gabby's future held was none of our business.

Alice continued the interrogation for a few minutes, asking Gabby all about her life. After a while, it was Gabby's turn to ask questions.

"So are you guys in school?"

"We just graduated Cornell," Alice responded quickly.

"Cornell. Nice. What did you major in Alice?"

"Marketing"

"Wow." She sounded impressed. "That'll be a help with the store here."

"How about you guys?" she asked with friendly curiosity. "What did you guys major in?"

"I was a Philosophy Major," Jasper responded in a kind voice.

Gabby nodded her head in approval. "Sounds interesting. And you Edward?"

"I…um…I didn't attend Cornell."

Bella eyes shot up to me in surprise.

"Oh. Were you in another school?" Gabby asked. It was an obvious question. The rest of my siblings had all attended Cornell. It was only normal to have assumed I'd done the same.

For once, Emmett and Rosalie's timing was perfect. They walked out of the bathroom looking completely unabashed, patting down their hair and adjusting their clothes -saving me from difficult questions I wasn't prepared to answer.

"So what did we miss? Did Bella get Edward back for yesterday yet?" Emmett asked, attempting to change the subject. He'd heard the direction the conversation was taking, and knew that I wasn't prepared to answer those questions yet. _'Don't worry bro. I got your back.'_

"What's he mean?" Gabby asked Bella.

Bella turned and looked at me curiously. I could see a thousand questions forming themselves on her lips. But she said nothing, instead answering Gabby's question.

"Edward and I are in the middle of a prank war Gabby. So you'd better watch your back." She smiled wickedly at me, and I returned the smile. But I could see the wariness in her eyes. She was going to let it go, for now. Yet somehow I knew eventually we'd have to return to this subject.

Alice suddenly looked up, her eyes twinkling dangerously, and completely confused me with her next question to Gabby.

"So Gabby. Do you like dancing?" she asked sweetly.

Gabby smiled easily. She was feeling a lot more comfortable with our family, especially Alice, now. "Sure. I don't do it very often, but yeah, its fun." Her voice registered confusion very much like my own at Alice's sudden question.

All at once, Alice turned the volume on her radio louder, and she and Rose started singing the lyrics loudly to every song that came on in their unnaturally perfect voices. Eventually, Gabby joined them in the singing and not soon after, to my extreme pleasure and surprise, Bella caught on, until all four of them were laughing and giggling happily as Alice scrolled through her playlist picking their favorite songs to sing. Emmett, Jasper and I watched them all smiling to ourselves, each one of us enjoying watching the woman we loved put on a show.

'_Hmm hmm'_ Rose cleared her throat in her mind. _'And now Edward, is when you find out, that payback is a bitch.'_ She turned to Alice, and both women gave each other a quick nod.

A loud song came on through Alice's programmed Ipod. It was a dance song I'd been hearing a lot this past week, blaring through the car radios down the streets, or playing in the background in stores.

Alice started dancing to the beat, and Jasper put down his tools and removed his protective goggles, openly ogling his wife now. I shook my head at their display and looked back down at the wood cutter in front of me, my unnecessary goggles firmly in place.

Rosalie quickly joined Alice, and Emmett quickly threw down the wires he'd been working with to stare at his wife, hooting and howling as her hips gyrated back and forth. Bella set her brush down to watch Alice and Rose, laughing and clearly enjoying their show.

"Come on Gabs, join us!" Rose cried out a little too innocently. The sweetness in her voice sounded completely wrong coming from her. She and Alice waved Gabby over. Gabby looked over at both my sisters excitedly and then, without warning, grabbed Bella's arm and yanked her over to where Alice and Rose stood, knowing smiles on their faces.

"Whoa!" Bella cried, confused. "I don't dance!"

Alice put her hands on her tiny hips, continuing to shake them as she glared at Bella doubtfully. "Oh yes you do! Did you forget our club night in New York? This was one of your favorite songs that night! Come on!" She yanked Bella's free arm and between she and Gabby, started moving Bella as they danced themselves.

At first, Bella stood there, obviously uncomfortable. I watched her empathetically, watching the beautiful red blush creep up her arms, to her cheeks, and then over her whole face.

But it was her next step that completely blew me away. I had to stop working on the wood cutting machine for a moment while I gathered my wits again. Had I gotten my hand stuck in the machine while I stared at Bella, I wasn't sure how I would've explained the destruction of the blade instead of the loss of my hand to the uninformed human in the room.

Bella started dancing.

I stared at her in stunned silence. Dear God. Bella was dancing. In front of me.

Shaking her hips. Moving her body around in ways I'd never seen her body move before.

My mouth hung open for about two seconds before I remembered myself and shut it quickly. Part of me knew I had to act normal and continue working. But I couldn't stop staring, even as I placed the next piece of wood in front o me. It took me a few more seconds to realize that the piece of wood I'd started cutting had disintegrated into thousands of tiny fragments. I pushed away the mess I'd made quickly to the floor, all without taking my eyes off of Bella. Thankfully, she was having too much fun to notice me watching. She and the rest of the girls laughed and giggled happily, completely forgetting the afternoon's work as song after song came on, all requiring Bella to move her hips and sway her body in ways that would've made my dead heart pop out of my chest had it been able to.

Her hands suddenly lifted above her head as she swayed to the beat, laughing carelessly, completely unaware of what she was putting me through. I removed my goggles slowly, ignoring my brothers' choking laughter and hoping no one else would notice. Dear Lord up in heaven, if he took me now, I'd die a happy man –or vampire. Whatever. I didn't care at this point. I continued staring; destroying piece after piece of wood to Jasper and Emmett's total amusement. They stood snickering and pointing at me, barely concealing their fits of laughter from the dancing women. And I couldn't have cared less.

The club improvisation continued through a few more songs; songs during which I got no work done, and instead stood their mangling piece after piece of wood. If Bella kept this up, I'd have to take a trip to the Home Depot in Port Angeles later on this afternoon.

As I continued to shamelessly ogle Bella on her own personal dance floor, her eyes moved over to me.

She caught me staring.

But what I saw in her face made it impossible for me to look away. Instead of being embarrassed or upset at catching me staring at her, she smiled at me. Not a shy smile either, not a smile that said 'I can't believe I'm doing this' or 'I'm going to kill your sisters.' It was a smile that said 'watch me…watch what I can do…watch what you've been missing…'

Completely mesmerized, I continued staring, not even pretending to look away now. Bella continued dancing, her eyes glued to me. If lightning had struck me at that very moment, I still couldn't have looked away.

And then the world did come crashing down.

Bella's cell phone rang. Her eyes grew wide, breaking the trance between us. She quickly stopped moving and pulled her phone out, her eyes growing wider as she registered the number on the caller I.D. It didn't take much brains to figure out who was on the line.

"'Scuse me, I'll be right back," she mumbled quickly, racing outside while hitting the "SEND" button on her phone. She jumped into her car and closed the door before putting the phone to her ear. I squeezed me eyes shut tightly, breathing out through my nose; totally frustrated in so many ways.

'_Damn! It's gotta be that dog!'_ Alice thought.

'_Ugh! I'll bet it's the damn dog. We were having so much fun too.' _Rose thought. _'Sorry Edward. I know you were enjoying that payback!'_

"Wow! That was fun!" Gabby claimed happily. She was, of course, completely unaware of the turmoil brewing in me, and of the thoughts going through the minds of the rest of my family.

"Yes it was. While it lasted," Alice agreed.

I could hear Bella outside.

"Hey Jake…Yeah, everything's good...Oh, you know, painting and stuff…No…yeah, all of them…'

She was keeping her voice low, almost a whisper.

"Alright…sounds good…okay, I'll call you when I get home alright?...me too..." She sighed, "I love you too Jake" she whispered "I said, I love you too Jake!" she repeated a little louder.

The words ripped through me; absolute torture. Incredibly, instead of getting easier, hearing her say those words to Jacob Black just got harder and harder. I winced in pain.

'_Why does he do that whenever she's on the phone?'_ Gabby asked herself.

Bella walked back in then, all levity and lightheartedness gone. She didn't look at any of us as she went right back to her work.

Gabby looked at her questioningly, her brows furrowed in concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked her quietly.

"Yeah, sure. I'm fine." she replied, trying to sound light, but the levity sounded forced. For the next few hours, she was all business.

Eventually, some of the triviality from earlier in the afternoon returned, and as Bella and Gabby worked quietly together, my family decided it would be fun to needle me now.

Emmett called out to Jasper in a voice too low and quick for Bella and Gabby to hear, especially over the loud music still playing. "Jasper, what are the latest figures on how long 'til he breaks?"

Jasper answered seriously, without looking up from where both he and I were working on the wiring for the laptops. "I called a week, so I say 3 more days." I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"I called 5 days, so…I say he breaks tomorrow," Rosalie added with a smirk, as she carefully painted the 'L' in 'Eclipse' in perfect calligraphy into the front window. "Em, how about you babe, what did you say again?" she asked, as if her perfect recall would allow her to forget. They were enjoying their taunts immensely, especially considering the fact that I couldn't lunge at them the way I would've liked to had Bella, and now Gabby, not been just a few feet away.

"I gave him 'til this weekend, so unless he grovels at her feet by tonight, I'm out." He actually sounded worried about losing the bet, and I marveled once again at how lightly they could wager on my life. I snorted in response and he chuckled, working deftly on the central heating and cooling system he was installing.

"Well, I give him 'til next weekend" Alice chimed in a confident, sing-song voice. She was standing by the newly installed glass door, writing out 'Eclipse' in perfect calligraphy on the front. I gave her an accusatory look that conveyed the betrayal at her participation in this ridiculous game, a look that said 'Even you Alice?' She looked back at me with slightly apologetic eyes, shrugging her shoulders almost imperceptibly.

"No way Alice!" Emmett complained, his voice rising a bit too loudly. We all glanced at Bella and Gabby quickly, but they were too engrossed in a conversation about their graduation to have noticed.

"Alice, you can't take part in the bet!" Emmett hissed. "You've got an unfair advantage and you know it!" Alice glared at him.

"I'm afraid Em's right darlin'" Jasper agreed reluctantly. "You know we can't let you in on this action."

"Why not?" Alice moaned. "I don't see anything, I promise! His dumb ass hasn't made any decisions yet, so I can't see anything! Your guesses are as good as mine!" she insisted.

Everyone groaned at the same time.

"Really!" Alice maintained. "Edward, tell them!" she pleaded. "Tell them you haven't made any decisions yet on when to execute Plan C."

I looked at her in disbelief. Disbelief that not only did she already have a name for the moment when my strength would crumble and I'd ruin the tenuous relationship I'd been able to build with Bella over the last few days, but that to her, as well as the rest of my siblings, it wasn't a matter of whether it would happen, but when. And if Alice -who not only read the future the way meteorologists read the skies, but who sometimes had the uncanny ability to read me just as well- was already convinced that I would definitely break, what did that mean for me?

I looked back down at the wiring in my hand and shook my head quickly, more to clear it than in response to Alice, but she clicked her tongue and I could see through her eyes that she was shooting daggers at my back.

'_Thanks a lot Edward!'_ she thought. I was in no mood to respond to her.

"Sorry, darlin'" Jasper cooed. "Maybe next time."

We each went back to our respective tasks, and I continued to steal glances at Bella -busy at work- every few minutes.

A while later, Alice shielded her mind from me again, reciting the Gettysburg Address in Swahili; a sure sign that the prank war was about to begin again. I smiled, happy for the distraction, especially if she was going to involve Bella again –which she had to, it was the only way she'd have any chance of my letting myself be pranked.

Jasper walked in with some more equipment he'd retrieved from the truck.

"Watch your back Edward. Alice and Bella are out there whispering to each other like two gossipy old ladies," he warned.

I smiled and nodded my head.

Suddenly, Bella ran in.

"Edward!" her voice sounded alarmed. I turned quickly to her.

"Edward, I know what Alice is trying to hide from you." She sounded genuinely scared. I rushed over to her quickly, wishing Gabby wasn't there so I could move at my normal speed.

"What's wrong Bella?" I lifted my hands to the top of her arms, holding her gently. Once again, her heart stuttered momentarily before starting up again. Did it bother her for me to touch her? Or could it be-

Before I could finish that thought, Bella's hand, which still contained the paint brush she'd been using, came up quickly to my face, leaving a big white line down the middle. She burst into laughter as I stood there, wondering what had just happened.

She continued laughing at me, the rest joining in with her. But I tightened my hold on her arms, and her laughter quickly died down.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You make this too easy for me." My voice was low and rough. Threatening.

Bella burst into laughter again. "Whatever Edward. It's really hard to take you seriously with a big white line down the middle of your face!"

"Oh is it now?" I lifted half of my mouth up in a scheming smile.

Quickly, I threw her over my shoulder. She yelped in surprise as I carried her to the far corner in the back, lowering her over my knees as I knelt on the floor and turning her so that she was facing the floor.

"What are you doing to me?" she demanded, squirming and struggling to get loose, but I could hear the amusement in her voice.

I bent down to her ear and whispered low. "Your scent gets even stronger when you're trying to fight me off."

Her heart stopped for three full seconds. I turned her over, afraid I'd hurt her, but she just looked up at me shocked. Abruptly she broke out into a mischievous grin again, which I answered with one of my own before turning her back around, pulling out the Sharpie once more. This time, I raised the hem of the back of her shirt.

"What're you writing now? Edward stop, you're tickling me! Stop! Stop!" she choked.

A few minutes later, we sat in the corner, side by side, as Bella took a big gulp from one of the water bottles in the cooler.

"You're unbelievable" she said, shaking her head at me, but I could see the sides of her mouth fighting a twitch.

"I'm unbelievable? Who started this? You've got to know Bella, you can't win."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "You have a very unfair advantage you know."

I smiled apologetically. "I can't change what I am."

She eyed me speculatively, taking another sip from her water bottle, her eyes trained on me. "I never asked you to."

I took a deep breath before responding. "No. You never did. Did you?"

She shook her head slowly, keeping her eyes on me, and then just as slowly got up and walked away. Her parting look was too confusing for me to be able to laugh at the words 'Finger lickin' good', which peeked out from her lower back as she raised her arms up to stretch them out.

By the time we were done Sunday evening, even I had to admit that Alice seemed to know what she was doing, at least, as far as Eclipse went. We'd come a long way in the past 36 hours or so, even working at a mostly human pace today, for Gabby's sake. Bella's bookstore was starting to look more like what it was supposed to, rather than like the epicenter of a twister.

Gabby left in the late afternoon, completely thrilled with my family, even if she did find us to be a bit strange. Alice waved goodbye at her excitedly, genuinely happy to have spent time with Bella's friend. Rose and the rest of us said our goodbyes also, although not with as much enthusiasm as Alice.

By now though, the unusual Washington heat was starting to get to Bella, and as Sunday evening approached and we ended our work for the day, she was visibly uncomfortable from the heat, not being as used to it as she'd once been in Phoenix. She sat exhaustedly on the sidewalk outside the store while the rest of us cleaned up for the day, putting away tools and organizing the work we planned to accomplish next time. She held a bottle of cold water to her forehead and fanned herself with one hand, and although a part of me that I wasn't too fond of reveled in the sight of Bella sweaty -her cheeks flushed crimson from the heat, her t-shirt stuck to her torso in very flattering ways- the more gentlemanly part of me wanted to make her comfortable. A memory from our short summer together so many years ago returned to me, and I immediately knew what would help. I put down the boxes of equipment I was carrying and walked over to Bella.

I put my hand out to her again, offering to help her up, just as I'd done yesterday. "Come on." She looked up at me in surprise, but like yesterday, she willingly placed her small, warm hand in my cold one. Unbelievably, it was even harder than yesterday to let go of her hand. I put it down unwillingly and then turned to face her.

"Walk with me?" I asked. She smiled up at me. Once again, I wanted to kill Alice.

I was reading too much into Bella's smiles, her blushes, her friendliness; into everything that happened today. For a fleeting moment, I thought I saw her eyes flash with excitement as she looked at me. Her heart skipped a beat, and for an instant I shuddered with the misplaced hope that it was somehow responding to me, before considering the fact that she was overly exerted.

I quickly pushed the unjustifiable hope down to the deepest recesses of my mind, and instead led Bella down the strip's walkway. We walked in silence for a few seconds, as I wondered what was going through her mind. It was Bella who broke the silence.

"So" she took a deep breath before continuing "what've you been up to for the past few years Edward? I mean, besides school?"

I kept my eyes straight ahead, not knowing at first how to answer her.

I answered without looking at her. "I didn't attend college with the rest of them." It was the truth, but only the most basic form of it. Bella was looking straight ahead too, but out of the corner of my eye I could see her eyebrows scrunch up in the middle in confusion.

"Yes. You said that before. So…you went to a different school?"

"No. I…I haven't really been to school for the past few years." I prayed that she would drop the subject, but of course, her curiosity was now piqued.

"You weren't in school? So what were you doing?" There was something besides just mere curiosity there. It was as if my answer would somehow clear something up for her; a piece of a puzzle.

I tried to quickly think of words that would let me answer her truthfully without burdening her with the truth of what my reality had been for the past few years. A reality filled with desperation and hopelessness; things which she should never have to know about. Truths which would just shock her and make her turn away from me in disgust.

"I…I was doing quite a bit of…hunting for a while. And then, well, I haven't really been doing much of anything interesting for the past few years."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed even more, clearly unsatisfied with my vague answer.

I was vague, yes, I knew, but it was the best I could give her. I couldn't go into details. I couldn't tell her how I'd hunted Victoria but had been too…weak in the end to find her. I couldn't tell her that I'd thought Victoria was far away at first, so far away that she'd never be a danger to her. And I couldn't tell her that when I'd thought Victoria was dead, she'd really been here terrorizing her; that because of my weakness, Victoria had come within a dog's hair, literally, of killing the most precious being in the world.

I looked over at Bella now, but she refused to meet my gaze, keeping her eyes forward.

"Well, what are some of the uninteresting things you've been doing then?" Her voice sounded more wary, as if she knew I was trying to hide something, yet refused to let me get away with it.

I drew in a deep breath. "Bella, really, believe me. There isn't much to tell," I insisted.

Abruptly, she stopped in her tracks. When I turned to her, her eyes were closed and her lips pursed. "I'm sorry Edward," she said, opening her eyes slowly. "I didn't mean to pry."

"No Bella. You weren't prying. It's just that there really isn't-"

"No." She put her hand up between us, palm out, shaking her head. "Really. I'm sorry. I…I'm tired, and I'm hot, and I wasn't thinking. Just forget I even said anything, okay?"

"Bella, please don't feel-"

"Please Edward. Can we just forget it?" And as always, it was impossible for me to refuse her. So even though the disappointed look in her eyes suddenly had me wanting to confess everything to her, the hunt for Victoria, the endless days and nights without her, the fear I felt regarding her and the dog, and the fact that I hadn't stopped loving and needing her for one second since the moment I first laid eyes on her, I said nothing.

We walked on to the other edge of the strip while I tried to find a way to break the loaded silence.

"Can't believe this place is still here," I chuckled, as we approached the ice cream parlor at the very opposite edge of the strip mall. Bella's face lit up hesistantly, but her delight at one of her few guilty pleasures won out, and she quickly ran inside. I followed her in, still bothered by our dissatisfying conversation, but slightly appeased by her reaction to our destination.

"What I can't believe is that you still remember this place!" she laughed, as she draped her arms greedily over the freezer containing all the different myriad of flavor combinations. It was –unless things had changed- an unnecessary exercise she performed each and every time we came in here. Because unfailingly Bella would always end up ordering the same thing, Strawberry Ice cream on a sugar cone, with chocolate sprinkles on top.

I grinned. "As if I could ever forget this place after you had me in here practically every day that summer." She turned her attention away from the ice cream flavors and looked over at me, her mouth turned up in a smile. But her eyes looked sad.

"I did drag you in hear a lot didn't I?" she asked, her voice sounded melancholic.

"I didn't mind. You know that. It was one of the few things you ever used to let me buy you," I teased. We both laughed, remembering how she couldn't refuse me buying her a measly ice cream here and there.

I walked over to the teenaged girl sitting bored across the ice cream display. I looked over to Bella.

"Strawberry on a sugar cone, chocolate sprinkles?" I asked her.

She smiled widely, surprised. "You remembered!"

"Of course."

I nodded to the girl, indicating that she should fill Bella's order.

'_Wow, I remember him from when I was a kid. He hasn't changed a bit! But I don't remember him being so freaking hot!'_ the girl thought to herself as she loaded Bella's cone. The whole contraption looked slightly nauseating to me, but if it helped to cool Bella off, who was I to question it?

"How 'bout you? Would you like something to cool you off?" the girl asked, somehow injecting the words with a leer. '_You can have me with some whip cream and a cherry on top!'_ she thought to herself.

"No thank you. That'll be it," I responded, keeping my eyes on the ice cream cone she was handing me and then passing it to Bella. Bella looked at me and suddenly smiled a knowing smile. I rolled my eyes at her. In the past few years that I'd spent on my self-imposed exile from humanity, this was definitely one of the features I hadn't missed.

I paid the girl for the ice cream and held the door open for Bella as we walked out into the darkening but still humid Forks sky. As soon as the door closed behind us, Bella broke out into fits of laughter. I shook my head at her, an embarrassed smile on my face.

"Okay, tell me what she was thinking," Bella demanded as we walked over to sit at the bench a few feet from the ice cream shop.

"Believe me, you don't want to know," I answered her with a smirk.

"Yes I do! Come on Edward, tell me! I need a good laugh!"

"Bella, trust me. It wasn't imaginative enough to merit repeating. Not that interesting at all."

"Geez Edward, are you going to continue deciding for me what I'd find interesting and what I wouldn't?" She said the words with a laugh, but I could hear the frustration in her voice.

My eyes met hers and she shook her head slightly, biting hard on the inside of her lip.

"Something about whipped cream and cherries. Do you really want me to elaborate?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She eyed me carefully before answering me. "No, you don't need to elaborate," she answered dryly.

We sat quietly for a few minutes. I watched Bella devour the frozen flavored contraption in her hands, wishing we could be as comfortable talking to each other when we were alone as we were when there were others around. There were so many things that had to remain unsaid between us. It made it difficult to speak to her honestly, and the strain of that fact was starting to show.

"Seriously, what's so great about eating those fat globules and emulsifiers? It really looks very unappetizing, even for human food." I was only half-teasing.

"It's not something I can explain Edward" she answered, while taking a lick at her ice-cream. She got some on her top lip, and I debated whether I should tell her. As unappetizing as ice-cream seemed, it took on a whole different look on her top lip. It looked…delectable.

"Do you want to taste it?" Bella asked, still licking at her ice-cream, and for a fraction of a second I thought she was referring to the droplets on her lip.

"You know I can't digest it," I reminded her.

"I'm not telling you to eat the whole thing Edward." She rolled her eyes without looking at me. "Just give it a lick."

"I don't think so."

"Oh come on. Take a chance. At least give it a try." She gave me a pointed look, and I almost melted into my seat. Were we still talking about ice-cream?

Damn Alice and her mind games.

I slowly bent my head to her ice-cream, keeping my eyes on her, and took a quick lick. It tasted like…wet…nothing. I made a disgusted face.

Bella giggled heartily.

"At least you gave it a shot. You would've always wondered otherwise." Her eyes were teasing now.

"Some things…aren't meant for me Bella." I kept my voice even.

"Edward, so you took a lick of ice cream, it's not the end of the world. Just think, if you would've liked it, you would've had something wonderful for eternity. A nice, big fat bowl of strawberry flavored fat globules and remulsifiers."

"That's emulsifiers."

"Whatever. My point is, sometimes it pays off to take a chance. That's what I'm doing with this store. It may not work out. I may fall flat on my face. But I'll never know unless I try." She licked at her ice-cream, turning her full attention back to it.

I sat there, wondering how a conversation about ice-cream could be so analogous to my life. Is that what it all boiled down to? Taking a lick of ice-cream?

**Okay guys, one more fluffy chapter coming out before New Years, and then we're getting into serious business again.**

**Please, please, please review! Thanks!!!!**


	18. Chapter 19 Superman

**A/N: Okay, keeping the A/Ns short. Fluffiness is over. This is the last chapter until after New Year's. Enjoy and Happy New Year Everyone!**

**Thanks to my Betas, Danna0724 and Adgroovy.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

_"Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart."  
__-Unknown_

**Chapter 19 – Superman**

**EPOV**

Our first weekend of working on Eclipse was over, and that Sunday night Bella went home to study again, and I…I watched her room, once again, from the big Evergreen tree. The following day was Monday, and I wouldn't be spending the day with her, as I'd done all weekend. Her absence during the day left a huge gaping hole inside me, and I found myself moping around the house, driving the rest of my family crazy.

Alice, newly reinstalled as Bella's best friend, was able to speak to Bella that evening, calling her to catch up on her day and discuss their plans for Eclipse. I, however, had no such excuse, and was relegated to listening to Bella through Alice, and watching her window from afar during the nighttime hours. For one more night however, as I sat in my tree, I was able to thank whatever few lucky stars were out there for me that Jacob Black did not make an appearance at her house, and that she didn't leave to visit him. Graduation was getting closer, and between that and getting the store ready, I knew Bella had her hands full. I knew I couldn't put off talking to her about the danger she was putting herself in every time she visited the reservation much longer. It had been three days since she'd seen the mutt, and I knew my luck, and his patience, wouldn't last much longer. As it was, I couldn't understand how he could go so long without seeing her. When her love had belonged to me, there wasn't a moment I didn't want to spend at her side. And at the time, I would've bet my non-existent immortal soul that she felt the same.

Tuesday morning I was restless as I jogged back home from watching Bella. I hadn't really seen her in two days, much less spoken to her. A quick look at her as she hopped into her car headed for school this morning was the best I could expect for today. I was anxious for tomorrow to come. We'd left the store Sunday night agreeing to meet there again on Wednesday. Bella forbade us from working on the store without her, so we would all be waiting until then to return.

Emmett's thoughts assaulted me as I reached the edge of the clearing where our house stood.

"_Damn bro! What the hell? Rosie and I are out already, thanks to your misplaced sense of self-control. That just leaves Jasper and Alice, and Jasper'll be out by tomorrow if you don't crack by then. You really want to let Alice win…again?"_

I bounded through the door, not bothering to answer his inane question. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting in front of the flat screen, flipping from one channel to the next at nauseating speeds. They both looked up at me as I walked in and sneered, obviously still upset that I'd had the gall to cause them both to lose the ridiculous wager they had going with the rest of my siblings.

Ignoring their dirty looks, I headed for the stairs, ready for a quick shower and change before going to meet Carlisle in his office. For the past couple of days, we'd spent hours while I waited for Bella to return from school researching book distributors and wholesalers supplying to small businesses, as well looking into the latest trends in book dealership. It was important that Bella be up-to-date on the latest trends, as well as be able to converse to book distributors on their terms, so that they wouldn't try to take advantage of her. We also researched changes in shipping methods for books, as well as book dealing and reading trends. Carlisle and I planned to go over all this information carefully with Bella when we saw her again on Wednesday. She'd agreed to come over for dinner again this Friday, so that seemed like an opportune time to discuss all this.

I showered and changed, running a quick hand through my hair. It was unnecessary though, my hair remained the same as it'd been when my change took place. Considering how sick I'd been, it was no surprise my hair had been in such disarray. Bella used to always tease me that I probably stood in front of the mirror for hours strategically placing each hair in such a way as to make it look fashionably messy. But the truth was I hardly paid any attention to it. I stood outside Carlisle's door for a minute, closing my eyes as I remembered the feel of Bella running her fingers through my hair. She really had loved it.

Carlisle sensed my presence outside his door.

'_Come in son.' _ His thoughts were quiet this morning.

I opened the door and walked in, surprised to see Alice sitting on one the chairs across from Carlisle's desk. Her mind had been quiet.

"Morning Alice. What are you doing here?" I asked, taking a seat in the chair next to her.

"Oh, not much. Just talking to Carlisle about some stuff related to Eclipse. I spoke to Bella last night and she and I are going to meet with some distributors later today. I wanted to see if Carlisle could join us, since I know you've both been learning about the business, but he says he's actually running down to the hospital today to meet with some old colleagues." She sighed dramatically. "So he's been catching me up for a few hours so that I actually know what I'm talking about when we meet with the distributors. I'll catch Bella up as much as I can before the meeting, but-"

"Do you want me to come along with you?" I asked. I wondered why she didn't just ask me; she knew I'd do it in a heartbeat, and she knew that I was just as informed as Carlisle on the subject.

Alice stared at me pensively. I realized her mind was still shielded from me, but it was different than usual. Instead of the usual tricks she used to keep me out, there was just a quiet humming in her mind, like soft music playing in the background. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering what was going on. She spoke before I could say anything.

"Are you sure you want to come Edward?" Her voice was tentative, as if she was unsure that she wanted me there.

"Of course. It'll give me a chance to help Bella with the distributors, if she needs it."

Alice pursed her lips, unsatisfied for some unknown reason. She seemed to deliberate for a moment before answering.

"Okay. Actually, yes. It would be good for you to come. These distributors are really big in the book industry here on the west coast, and we need them to know that Bella knows what she's doing."

I didn't doubt for a second that Bella knew what she was doing. She'd changed so much since I'd left Forks. The tenderness, kindness and inner beauty were still there, even stronger than before. But there was more there too. She had an inner-strength now that seemed to have been amplified in the past few years. She was a woman who wasn't afraid to stand up for herself. And based on the conversation we'd had the other day over ice-cream, and the chance she was taking in opening up her own business, she wasn't afraid to take risks.

But for some reason, Alice still looked worried. I gave her a stiff smile. "Alright then, when do we leave?"

We left the house early that afternoon. Alice had made plans to meet Bella outside the university. I was eager to see Bella again, and climbed quickly into the Volvo, as Alice looked at me curiously as she walked over to the passenger's side.

"The Volvo? Really?" she asked with a chuckle.

"What's wrong with the Volvo?" Rosalie kept it running smoothly for me. Although it was the oldest car in our family, it ran fine.

Alice smiled. "Nothing's wrong with it. It's just, it's been a long time since I've been in here." Her voice was quiet.

The Volvo had been, for the past few years, no more than a museum. Up until a few days ago, I'd kept it locked and covered deep in our garage in New York. It was a memory; a tribute to the time I'd spent with Bella.

"Yes, it has been a long time." I kept my voice low also.

Jasper's voice reached me as we pulled out of the driveway.

'_Edward, I've got until tomorrow to win the bet. Go ahead and confess to the little lady today, will ya? Otherwise my wife'll never let any of us hear the end of it.'_

I snorted.

"What?" Alice asked next to me.

"Your husband's being ridiculous," I muttered.

"Oh. The bet?" Her eyes were mocking.

I rolled my eyes, nodding once. I wondered if there was any other topic of conversation between my siblings these days.

She chuckled lightly. "Yeah, Jasper's getting panicky now. If he loses today, then I automatically win by default."

I glared over at Alice. "You don't _automatically_ win," I responded icily. "Other events have to happen before you actually win," I reminded her.

"They will." She sounded so smug.

"Did you see it?" I asked her through gritted teeth.

Alice ignored my ire, and responded sweetly. "No. But that's just because you're being too pig-headed to decide to do it yet. But you will. It's not a matter of 'if', but 'when'". Her tone was confident.

"Alice, if Bella were to ever find out how I still feel about her, I don't think she'd be happy about it. In fact, I think she'd be extremely upset." I could hear the anger rising in my voice.

"Edward, maybe Bella needs to know how you feel, even if it does upset her."

I shook my head, not understanding her logic.

"Edward, listen to me," Alice pleaded. She turned her small frame to face me completely as we raced to Port Angeles. "There are things left unsaid between the both of you, on both sides. I don't know exactly what happened when you left Bella, you know I wasn't looking," -I knew Alice had given me privacy that day in the woods, and I was grateful for it, because it was definitely one of the lowest points of my life; a moment I was extremely ashamed of- "but Bella has to have questions Edward. I think you owe it to her to let her know how you feel."

I chuckled humorlessly. Alice had apparently changed tactics. She was trying to use the guilt card to get me to confess now. Little did she know, it was impossible for me to feel any guiltier than I already did about how I left Bella that day.

"And Edward, maybe you both _need_ to have it out. Maybe you need to yell and scream at each other and get past this already, one way or the other," she insisted. I didn't answer Alice. I was running out of answers, and I didn't like it. She kept herself turned to me for a few minutes, waiting for me to say something, but then gave up and turned back to face the front. We rode the rest of the way in silence, Alice fiddling with the radio for the rest of the drive.

When we arrived at the university campus, Bella was waiting for us in her car; Gabby sitting next to her. I pulled the car up next to hers, parking in the student lot. Bella and Gabby looked over at us, and Bella eyes widened momentarily in surprise before smiling at us and giving a quick wave.

"Did you tell her I was coming with you?" I asked Alice as we climbed out of the car.

"No."

"Why not?" My voice was low and quick.

"I wanted it to be a surprise" she smiled wickedly at me before turning to face Bella, who'd gotten out of the car too.

"Bel-la!" Alice sang, giving Bella a hug. She turned to face Gabby.

"Hi Gabs! What's doing?"

Gabby smiled kindly at Alice. "Hey Alice! Hey Edward!"

I smiled at her warmly, nodding my head in greeting.

'_He doesn't miss a chance to see her, does he? How could she not see it? God I wish- hmm, but it's not my place to say anything unless she asks.'_

I was extremely grateful Gabby wasn't the gossipy type. Bella had once again found herself a good friend, like Angela had been to her in high school.

Bella finally let go of Alice and turned to me. "Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Alice asked me to accompany you two to the meeting. I hope you don't mind. I thought she'd mentioned it to you." I glared at Alice accusingly. Alice smirked.

"No, she didn't mention it."

"Bella, remember I told you Carlisle and Edward have been researching distributors? I thought it would be good to have their knowledge during the meeting."

Bella stared at me. She seemed confused for a few seconds, as if she still couldn't figure out why I was there, but then her eyes relaxed, and she grinned at me widely.

"Yes, that's a great idea. Thanks Edward, for coming down." She sounded genuinely pleased.

"Don't mention it Bella." I kept my voice even, but it had been a few days since I'd been this close to Bella, and the nearness of her scent combined with the flush in her cheeks, and the animated look in her eyes pierced my heart. I had to fight to not reach out and touch her. She looked different today, foregoing the jeans and t-shirt for more business-like attire –a slim black pencil skirt and dark blue button down blouse tucked in, paired with small black heels – I pitied the distributors. They didn't stand a chance.

I swallowed before speaking. "You look lovely Bella."

Bella blushed a deeper shade of red, as was her habit whenever she was complimented. Some part of me noted that I should've felt chagrin for making her uncomfortable, but I was too mesmerized by the way the blue in her blouse accentuated the blush in her cheeks to feel properly at fault.

"Thanks," she murmured quietly, looking away from me nervously.

Gabby looked from me to Bella thoughtfully. '_Maybe I __**should**__ say something to her. She's gotta see what's going on." _

I cleared my throat and spoke to Gabby, hoping to distract her focus elsewhere.

"May we drop you off somewhere on our way to the meeting?"

'_Huh? Wait, what? Is he talking to me?'_

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Um, no. Thanks. I've got my car here." She turned back to Bella. "Bell, I'll see you Thursday in class."

"Aren't you joining us tomorrow at the store Gabs?" Alice sounded hopeful. She'd had fun being one of the girls last weekend.

"No, I can't tomorrow. I've got a project to finish for school. But Bella says you guys'll be there this weekend. I should be able to make it then."

Alice's face lit up with excitement. "Great! See you then!"

Gabby waved bye to all of us and walked off to her car. _'They're a peculiar but nice family. Wonder why he left her in the first place? He definitely still has feelings for her.'_

That was one perceptive girl. But her perceptiveness was going to get me in trouble. I'd have to think of some way to prevent her from speaking to Bella about me, but for the time being, that would have to wait.

"Shall we get going?" I led Bella and Alice to the Volvo.

Very suddenly, Bella stopped in her tracks, staring at the Volvo as if she'd just seen a ghost. "I think I'll just go in my car" she murmured.

"Why don't we all go in my car, and then I'll bring you back here afterwards to pick your up," I suggested, watching her intently and silently pleading with her to ride with me in the Volvo, just like we used to before…

But she refused me. "No. That's fine guys. I need to get going after the meeting anyway.

Alice climbed into the front seat of the Volvo. "How come?" she asked.

Bella walked slowly to her car. "Um…I'm going down to La Push tonight," she called over her shoulder.

My hand froze on the door handle, and Alice looked over at me nervously.

'_Just get in the car Edward. You can talk to her about it later. She really needs to do well at this meeting. Don't upset her now.'_

I nodded once, my face grim. I knew my luck wouldn't last too long. I knew sooner or later she'd be returning to La Push, returning to him. And just like that, the day that I'd been looking forward to became a day to dread, because I knew I could no longer put off the conversation I needed to have with Bella regarding the dog.

A few minutes before four, we reached the office building in downtown Port Angeles, where we'd be meeting with the distributors. On the way there I'd discovered that Bella was already very knowledgeable on the book wholesale and distribution business, and then I realized that of course, she'd have to have done some research on her own before we even came into the picture almost a week ago. Bella had indeed grown into an extremely smart and sharp woman. My pride in her continued to grow.

Throughout the meeting, it became even clearer that Bella knew what she was doing. She took charge of the meeting from the beginning, and Alice and I rarely got a chance to speak. Which was just fine by me. I was mesmerized by watching her, by listening to her discuss the plans for her bookstore with fervent passion, by witnessing a side of Bella I'd never seen before – A mature, strong, professional woman intent on succeeding.

Bella and Alice were ecstatic by the time we left the building, having procured a very lucrative deal with the distributors, thanks to Bella's sharp wit. The fact that I could read their minds and know what they were planning, and that Alice could foresee their reactions didn't hurt either.

As we walked to our cars, Alice spoke up.

"You know, since we're here in Port Angeles already, why don't we take a walk by the water front and check out some of those little art galleries? They might have some nice pieces for you to hang in Eclipse."

Bella groaned. "Alice, you know the art thing is more you than me. That's one element where I'll defer to your judgment."

Alice smiled widely, happy to have one thing where she didn't have to check in with Bella on. "Well, okay. But let's take a walk down the waterfront anyway. It's a warm night Bella, you won't be cold for once." She turned to look at me.

'_This is why you love me Edward.'_

"I'll check out the galleries quickly, and you and Edward could just hang out and wait for me. I won't be too long. Promise."

Bella turned to face me. When I turned to her, her eyes were warm yet guarded. I waited for her to respond to Alice's suggestion, but after a few seconds it became obvious she was waiting for me to say something.

"That sounds fine, as long as Bella doesn't mind." My mouth turned up in an involuntary half-grin, and Bella's answering smile had me wanting to buy Alice a Porsche in gratitude.

"Sure. It's a good night for a walk, I suppose." Her face grew serious again. "But we can't be too long. I really do need to get back to Forks early tonight."

I kept my eyes on her car as I opened her door for her. I couldn't let her see the agony and torture in my eyes.

When we arrived at the waterfront, Alice took off in a flash, quickly muttering something about being back soon. She'd been shielding her mind from me throughout the car ride, and I wondered what she was hiding from me today.

Bella and I slowly made our way down Front Street. Daylight was quickly disappearing, the unstoppable dark making its nightly appearance. Front Street was well lit though, the little shop owners hanging twinkling bright lights from the store fronts and from the trees gracing the sidewalks. The Downtown Port Angeles Redevelopment Association had done a fine job in the past few years of restoring the waterfront area. Tiny shops littered Front Street, which paralleled the water. Boutiques, restaurants, art galleries, all clamored for attention from the many passersby on the street. It really was beautiful; the water sparkled with the reflection of thousands of artificial lights, and the sound of jazz music played by street performers livened the atmosphere. It was a very different scene from just a few years ago, when not too far from here, Bella had been almost attacked by those lowest of life forms. I shuddered at the memory.

Bella was eyeing me curiously, noticing my shudder

"What are you thinking of?" she asked me. Her warm voice unintentionally assuaged the dark memories.

"Nothing of much interest," I answered, not wanting to upset her with such morose recollections.

Bella pursed her lips, not seeming satisfied with my vague answer. She faced forward again, walking slowly next to me. My fingers itched to reach out to her and take her hand in my own, entwining our fingers in the same fashion the rest of the couples taking this walk tonight were doing. I envied the ease with which the other couples held each other; no obstacles keeping them from showing their loved ones exactly how they felt.

Bella turned to face me once again, a determined look in her eyes. But the question she asked didn't match the fierceness in her expression.

"So…you still drive the Volvo, huh?"

I stiffened slightly, but then let my muscles relax before quickly answering her.

"Yes, I still have the Volvo." I answered dryly, looking ahead.

Bella continued to watch me intently.

"Why?" The word came out in a rushed whisper.

"Why what?"

"Why haven't you traded up the Volvo yet? I mean, it's pretty old, by Cullen standards" she smiled slyly "don't you think? I've seen the rest of your brothers and sisters with new cars, why'd you keep the Volvo?" She spoke the words almost desperately, as if the fate of the world hung on my response. Little did she know, the fate of _my_ world hung on my response. I couldn't tell her the truth of why I hadn't been able to bare letting the little silver car go even years later after the scent of her had slowly faded and only the memory of it remained.

"It's a dependable car Bella. It's served me well. Why would I give it up?"

Bella bit the bottom of her lip, and as she eyed me speculatively, a flash of some unreadable emotion crossed her face for an instant. She spoke again before I could try to decipher it.

"Is that all then? Is that why you've kept the car?"

"What other reason would there be?"

Her face seemed to fall, but she quickly arranged her features into a smile that didn't seem to quite reach her eyes.

"No, I suppose that's a good enough reason. Safe, dependable. It makes sense you'd want to keep it hanging around."

I gazed at her curiously then, wondering why she suddenly looked so pained, and desperately trying to think of a way to bring the happy grin she'd been wearing just a little while ago back to her face.

Bella walked silently beside me, apparently lost in her own thoughts. I wondered if her mind was on Jacob Black right now. That reminded me of what I needed to talk to her about. But like the selfish creature that I knew myself to be, I craved conversation with her. I wanted to spend at least a few minutes peacefully with her before I possibly ruined the night for us.

I turned to face her. "You were…in your element in there."

"What are you talking about?"

"At the meeting. You were completely in control."

"And?" I was a bit surprised by the tone of her voice; she sounded almost irate.

"And, I guess I hadn't realized-"

"You hadn't realized what Edward?" she chuckled, but there was something else there. Annoyance? "Did you really think I was going to sit there quietly and let you and Alice run the meeting? This store isn't something I just decided to do on a whim you know." It was meant to be teasing, but her delivery was too direct. "I put a lot of planning and thought into it. I usually _do_ think things through before I make a decision," she finished pointedly.

Was there a double meaning to her statement? I was momentarily taken aback by it, wondering once again, if we were discussing more than the actual subject at hand. I turned to face her, gently putting my hand out to stop her stride. Her eyes, which had been full of satisfaction and confidence just a short while ago, now looked disenchanted and disheartened. Had she really misunderstood my words that much? Did she really think I could ever believe her to be anything less than astounding?

"I didn't mean for it to sound like I doubted your choices, or your capabilities, Bella. Please believe me." I tried to soften my voice to soothe her. "I merely meant that I was very proud of you in there."

Her eyes softened slightly, and she smiled apologetically.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, knowing something was bothering her and wanting desperately to fix whatever it was.

She sighed deeply, seeming to debate with herself whether to answer or not. She opened her mouth as if to speak a couple of times, but they were false starts. We stood by the water, facing each other, much as we had last week by the river behind my house. But suddenly I knew that tonight would be different. Because although we were surrounded by dozens of people, although we had much less privacy than we'd had that night, something had been building up over the past few days between Bella and I, and it wasn't necessarily something good. It was as if some invisible wall was growing between us, and with each phrase we spoke to each other, we added to it brick by brick. And I had no idea how to break it down.

The words finally formed on Bella's lips.

"When you first showed up almost a week ago Edward, I was extremely happy to see you…to see _all _of you. But…I think I was so excited that I didn't realize how hard it would be to speak to you again."

So is that what this was? Was she finally realizing how little I deserved her forgiveness? Had she finally come to the conclusion that I didn't deserve to be let anywhere near her again? The pain of that thought sent a wave of agony through me, pulling at the delicate scabs that had formed over the vast tears in my heart.

"I mean, at first it was fine but…" –she continued, seeming to struggle to find the right words- "I know you wanted to talk about what happened with Victoria and Laurent. I wasn't ready yet to discuss that with you."

"Are you saying you want to discuss that now?" I asked carefully, ready to accept whatever insults and accusations I rightfully had coming to me.

"No! No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying" she took a deep breath, letting it out in one gust, "it just seems like there's something…there's things unsaid…" she closed her eyes and opened them back up slowly "is there something you want to tell me?" Her eyes bore into mine with an acute desperation.

In that moment, I would've said anything to her to make that pained expression go away, to make her smile again, to make her happy. But her question had left me with no choice. Was there something I wanted to say to her? There were a million things I wished to say to her, but the one that fell out of my mouth in that moment was the only way I knew to keep her safe.

"I did want to talk to you tonight about Jacob and the rest of the wolves." Instantly, Bella's eyes seemed to widen in surprise before narrowing into slits. She waited warily for me to continue.

I exhaled sharply. "I don't think you're properly considering the danger you're putting yourself in whenever you're around them."

The emotions displayed on Bella's face first caught me by surprise, and then shocked me with their severity. She stared at me in open amazement, before her eyes clouded with bitter disappointment, and then, finally, flashed in utter fury.

She turned her face away from me, one short humorless chuckle escaping her lips. She shook her head from side to side, breathing through her nose. "God, how stupid…Of course," she snorted. "The mortal enemies thing, that's all it is. That's what…" she muttered to herself before turning to face me again. The look in her eyes was now one of embarrassment and shame.

She spoke coolly. "Edward, forget I said anything. Let's just go wait for Alice back by the cars."

Once again, my mention of the dog had irritated her immensely, and I could feel my eyes flashing with jealousy as I witnessed how defensive of him she was. Well, whether she liked it or not, we were going to have this discussion this time, because she was intent on visiting the dog tonight, and after what I'd found out about the wolf named Paul, she couldn't deny me the danger she was in any longer.

"Bella, we have to talk about Jacob. About Jacob and the rest of his…pack." I couldn't suppress the grimace that accompanied the last word. Bella visibly flinched, her eyes flashing in anger.

"Is that what this was about Edward? Is that what this walk was about? To talk about _Jake_? I thought I told you already, you and I have _nothing_ to discuss when it comes to Jake!" She turned angrily and started walking away from me. I couldn't let her do that again.

Grabbing her arm, as I had the other day by the river, I swung her around to face me again. "I say we do Bella." My voice was rough from the barely controlled jealousy at her complete loyalty to _him._

"Let go of me!" she hissed under her breath, trying uselessly to pull her arm away.

"No!" I hissed back. "Not until you listen to me! This is insane Bella! He's a _werewolf!_ And he hangs out with others even more volatile than he! My God! Do you have no sense of self-preservation at all? Do you know what it's done to me ever since Alice came home a couple of weeks ago and told me you were involved with a werewolf, the most temperamental creature out there?"

"What it's done to _you_?" she whispered incredulously. "Why should it be doing _anything_ to you? I can take care of myself Edward. I can make my own decisions! I know what's good for me and what's not. And I'm sorry if we both seem to have different definitions of what that is.

"That's because werewolves _are_ dangerous Bella! They're the only creature out there that can harm _our_ kind! What does that tell you about them?"

"I don't give a damn about werewolves and vampires being mortal enemies Edward! That has nothing to do with me! Keep me out of it!"

"Do you know Bella, really know what they're like? Because I do! Carlisle and I have dealt with them before in _their_ true werewolf form, not in the safe-"

"Listen to yourself! Do you hear what you're saying? Are you really trying to tell _me_ what my boyfriend is like?" The word 'boyfriend' hit me like a battering ram in the stomach, and I visibly flinched. She tried to free her arm again, but I held on to it gently, making sure I only exerted enough pressure to prevent her from running from me.

"Yes Edward! I do know what they're like. I've seen them in their _true_ form, as you call it, many times! I've seen Jake in his true form enough times to know that wolf or not, he would never hurt me! His wolf form saved me!" Her voice was a harsh whisper. We'd walked close enough to the water that we were a safe distance away from most of the crowd by the shops.

"Just because you haven't been hurt yet, doesn't mean it won't happen. At any moment, he or one of his friends can lose control, and if you're standing too close…" I snarled, shuddering at the thought.

"You don't know enough about their physiology-" I continued, in a low yet fervent voice. Carlisle had just yesterday filled me in on another trait shared by werewolves that he'd just uncovered while doing some research. Apparently, there was something called 'imprinting' that happened fairly commonly in the werewolf community, where a wolf would suddenly feel an unbreakable connection with someone of the opposite sex, and all previous romantic relationships the wolf may have had before the imprinting abruptly became null and void. Had Jacob imprinted on Bella? I hadn't picked up on any strange bond when I'd met with him a few days ago, but the magnitude of his feelings had been clear. Still, I would've thought a bond like that would send out its own unique signal. I couldn't ask Bella about it, and it was weighing on me heavily, because one way or the other, it couldn't be good.

Bella wasn't moved by my ferocity or anxiety, instead her indignation grew, along with the volume of her voice. I had to look around and make sure we hadn't attracted any unwanted attention as she spoke.

"I know that _they_ were there for me when _you_ weren't!" she cut in. Her voice sounded shakier now, and the hurt in it cut me to the bone. It killed me to know I was making her upset, that the tears forming at the corners of her eyes were caused by me. But I couldn't back away from this. I couldn't back down. This was too important.

"I know that those volatile, temperamental creatures saved my life not just once, but many times! I know what they're like much better than you ever will!" she spat. "So spare me your lecture on werewolf physiology. And Jake will never, _ever_ hurt me! Not physically and definitely not emotionally, which is more than I can say…" she stopped herself abruptly, closing her eyes in frustration, but even without the ability to read her mind, we both knew what she'd been about to say.

"Go ahead Bella, finish your sentence. I deserve it. I know I'm to blame for it all. For Laurent and Victoria, and for you finding it necessary to put yourself in the hands of those dogs to protect yourself. All I've ever wanted is for you to be safe, yet time and time again I've-"

"Laurent and Victoria were nothing compared to the pain-" Bella cut off unexpectedly, her eyes watching me uncertainly now. A flash of sudden understanding crossed her face, but her features were still full of anger. "Wait a second. Wait. Back up a minute. She pursed her lips, grunting with incredulity. "_Why_ are you here Edward?"

Her question caught me off guard. I narrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What…what do you mean? I came to accompany you and Alice to the-"

She shook her head quickly, indicating that wasn't what she meant. "Not here in Port Angeles today. Here, for the summer." She waved her free arm around. "_Why_ are you and your family here?" she looked at me suspiciously.

I answered in a dry tone. "We came back to spend some time on the west coast before going on to our next destination-"

She glared at me through unbelieving eyes.

I swallowed thickly. "Bella, what did you expect? Did you really expect me to ignore what was going on? You know me better than that!"

Bella gasped in horror, the truth of why my family and I had relocated to Forks finally hitting her.

"Is that what you came back for? To try to break me and Jake up?" Her voice broke on the last word.

"I came back…we all came back, because we're terrified for you, for your safety."

When she answered, her voice was low and resigned, tinged with complete sadness. She exhaled loudly. "I am safe Edward. I am safe. So if that's what you're all really here for, I'm afraid you've been wasting your time."

"Wasting our time? Bella, how could you say that?" I wanted to make her understand how important she was to me, to all of us. Time with her was a treasure. Even time like now, when we were arguing, was a moment to treasure, because it meant I was actually with her, instead of only daydreaming of her thousands of miles away.

Bella continued. Her voice sounded small and tired.

"Were you honestly that bored Edward? Were your distractions not enough to entertain you? Is the mortal enmity thing so strong that you felt it necessary to come and destroy what peace and happiness I've tried to build for myself?"

"Bella!" My voice rose in indignation at her thinking I could ever mean to destroy her happiness. "This goes beyond any werewolf and vampire vendetta! I couldn't give a damn about that right now. I just need you to be safe!" My hands tightened around her arms, itching to pull her to me, to wrap my arms around her and show her once and for all why I needed her to be safe.

Her voice was defensive again. "It's not your job to protect me Edward! I'm not some little human you've been assigned to protect! I'm not some form of distraction. And you have no obligation to keep me safe!"

I shook my head in disagreement. Of course I had an obligation to keep her safe. I loved her! That love gave me an obligation to protect her. And I accepted that obligation joyfully. How could I not?

"Look, I know how you are. You take the weight of the world on your shoulders Edward, but I don't want to be a burden to you, or your family anymore. You don't owe me anything.

"But I _want _to protect you," I insisted. I raised my hands higher on her arms, near her shoulders. It would be so easy to just pull her to me right now. Maybe then she'd believe my words and understand that it wasn't a burden, it was a responsibility which I'd carry proudly for the remainder of my days.

Very suddenly, she raised her hands to my own. But instead of covering my hands with hers gently, she used them to try to pull my hands off of her. "You can't Edward. It's not your job anymore. You aren't Superman, and I'm definitely not your Lois Lane. I can't play that game anymore Edward. You'll have to find someone else to be your clumsy little charity case. I can't be her anymore!"

I moved my hands to either side of her face this time, pulling her closer to me so that her warmth could protect me from the frigid chill her words sent through me. Charity case? Find someone else? Was she completely insane?

I glared at her. She tried to turn her face away, but I held it in place. Instead, she turned her eyes from me. But I held her there, keeping my eyes trained on her face until moments later, defeated, she looked at me. And just like that, regardless of the unbelievable coldness of her tone, regardless of the extremely unpleasant dispute we were having, regardless of the watching world, the charged energy I felt flowing between us in that moment almost buckled my knees, until I was sure she was holding me up as much as I held her up. Her eyes, which had just been burning in ire, seemed to be burning with something else now, an intense heat that sent a flicker of momentary recognition through me. I lost my train of thought for just an instant, as I gazed into those deep chocolate eyes, wondering what it was I was recognizing.

"Charity case? Is that how you think I see you?" I growled in frustration. "Do you not know me at all?" I accused.

Bella closed her eyes, refusing to look at me. "No Edward! I don't! Apparently I _don't_ know you at all! And you don't know me either! Not anymore!" she cried, pushing me away forcefully with both her hands. She could've pushed me away with one thousand times the strength she used and it wouldn't have budged me a fraction of an inch. But her intent was clear, so I backed away unwillingly. Instantly, my hands, as well as the rest of me, longed for the warmth her touch brought.

"I can take care of myself Edward! I'm not the helpless teenager you left behind."

I reached out for her again, but she backed away. "Bella, please-"

"I don't need you to rearrange your summer for me. I know what's good for me and what's not. I managed to stay alive without your help for the past few years!"

It was another slap in the face, and I visibly recoiled at her words. But Bella wasn't done. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"And…I've got Jake to protect me Edward, if the need arises. He's a _protector,_ Edward, not someone to protect me from. And he accepts the job out of love, not out of some misplaced sense of obligation!

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think I do. If all you came back for was to make sure I was safe, then you can go back home with your conscience clear, in the knowledge that I am, because the job of keeping me safe is already taken." She looked off towards the water sadly. We stood there for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say next. I watched her closely, seeing how her chest rose and fell heavily in distress and her forehead creased from the intensity in her gaze. The light breeze in the late evening air was picking up, and it blew her long brown hair around her face, momentarily obstructing it from my view. I instinctively raised my hand again to move it away -I needed to see her, even if her facial features were distorted in anger- but she turned back to me quickly and put one hand out, palm forward, to stop me. My hand stopped in mid-air.

"Go home Edward. Go back to living the life you were living before Alice threw a wrench in it with her fuzzy visions."

"Bella, please don't-"

"Thank you and please thank your family for me for all the help with the store," she continued, as if she hadn't heard me, as if she were speaking to a passing acquaintance, sending along her best wishes. I could see the unshed tears in her eyes and I felt as if someone were taking my dead heart and twisting it like a wet rag. "And I promise I'll repay every cent as soon as I can."

She walked away from me slowly. I followed of course, as I always would. But she must've sensed me behind her, because she suddenly turned around, and her sad eyes registered no surprise at finding me within arms' reach of her. She put both hands out, palms forward again.

"Please don't follow me Edward." she pleaded. Her voice was shaky but firm. "I can get back to Forks safely. I've done it hundreds of times for the past four years without you."

What could I respond to that? I stood there. Her words grounded me to the spot I was in. I watched the reason for my existence walk away from me and go home to find comfort in the arms of another man. A man who now filled the role that I'd abandoned years ago. I watched her go. I watched as she got into her car, without a glance in my direction. And I watched as she drove away, until her little red car was out of my sight. Then I slowly walked over to a bench a few feet away from me and sank into it, lowering my head to my hands, feeling completely defeated and exhausted. Not because I'd failed to make Bella realize the danger of her relationship with Jacob, but because of the truths I was only now starting to accept.

Bella was never going to leave Jacob Black. I'd been delusional to think there had ever been a chance of my convincing her of the danger in that relationship. And along with that realization, I could no longer deny that…Jacob Black was good for her. Ugh! I clenched my eyes shut even tighter as the thought invaded me. Because even though I should've been relieved to realize this, to realize that Bella was probably just as safe with him as she'd be with anyone, the realization sent a sharp wave of pain to my chest. Accepting these facts meant accepting that _he _could protect her. He could control himself around her. He'd had enough reason in the past few days to lash out, yet he'd seethed with rightful jealousy and indignation, but he had not for one moment lost his control. I'd known it already -but _my_ jealousy and anger had kept me from accepting it- that he was not a danger to her.

The second was that Bella did not need me in her life, not as her love, not even as her protector now. Bella was -for all intents and purposes- more or less safe, or as safe as she could ever be expected to be. She'd survived the most dangerous years of her life without me. What could I be to her now? She didn't need me as her protector. She wouldn't want me as her friend after today. What did I possibly have to offer her now?

Nevertheless, the knowledge that she didn't need me to protect her did nothing to quell my desire to do so. Even if, as I'd originally planned, I'd have to do it from the shadows.

'_Are you alright Edward? I'm so sorry.'_ Alice's thoughts reached me suddenly, and I shook my head slowly, keeping it down. I couldn't deal with watching all the lovers walking hand in hand down the waterfront

"I was going to go after her myself, but I saw that she wouldn't react too kindly to that." I felt Alice's presence over me now as I saw a vision in her head of Bella taking one of the pieces of artwork Alice had bought and flinging it across the street. I shook my head and Alice frowned.

"She's upset at all of us right now, as she has every right to be. She needs time to cool off."

I spoke to my sister without looking up.

"You knew this was going to happen. That's why you've been hiding your thoughts from me all day. You knew this was going to happen and you didn't warn me." It wasn't an accusation, it was a statement.

Alice sat down next to me. "I knew something was going to happen Edward, but I didn't know exactly what. I saw you and her arguing here, yes. But I didn't know what it was about." Her tone was as without apology as mine had been without accusation. We were beyond that.

"You and her, you've got to talk Edward. _Really_ talk. Beyond what you were doing this weekend. I mean, that was fun and all, but it wasn't real. You were dancing around each other all weekend. We could _all_ see it. There's so many things unsaid between you two. She was right about that."

"So you kept this vision from me because you felt we needed to fight? You thought letting her get that upset would somehow be good for her, for us?" I tried to keep my tone flat.

"Edward, I care about her as much as I care for all my brothers and sisters. You know that. I wouldn't purposely upset her unless I thought there was good reason for it. I kept it from you because I know how you are. The second you saw her tears in my vision you would've panicked and done everything possible to keep this vision from coming true. Honestly, it's not like I saw her tumbling face first into the frigid Pacific. I would've shared that!"

I looked up at her long enough to roll my eyes.

"And anyway" Alice continued defending herself "she's as mad at me as she is at you right now."

"She'll forgive you Alice. She always does. But she won't forgive me. She thinks she's an obligation to me. She's never wanted to be a burden to anyone, and somehow I've managed to convince her that that's exactly what she is. I don't know how to fix this."

Alice took a seat next to me. "Yes you do Edward. You know how to fix this, you just haven't accepted it yet." She spoke softly and soothingly, putting her arm on my lowered back.

"What else could I possibly say Alice, to convince her she's so much more to me than just an obligation?"

"You could try telling her why you really need to protect her. Why you really need to be around her." _'Because you still love her,' _she added in her mind_._

I exhaled loudly, picking my head up momentarily to glare at my sister. She looked at me expectantly. I groaned and lowered my head to my hands again, in no mood to go through this with Alice again.

"Edward, I can't see Bella tonight, because she'll be with Jacob Black." I stiffened at the information I already knew, shutting my eyes even tighter as if that could somehow keep away the visions of Bella with Jacob. It didn't work.

"But tomorrow morning, I'm going to go speak to her, even though I can't see what she'll say to me. Do you know why? Because she's my friend and I love her. And I'm willing to take the chance that she'll yell and scream and throw me out. And you know what else? I'm sort of glad I can't see what she'll do, because if I could see, I wouldn't really be taking a chance, would I?"

I lowered my hands from my head and looked up at Alice, my eyebrows raised in question.

"My point is Edward, you and I, we're both stuck with these gifts that are sometimes as much a curse as they are a blessing. And I think…we've both made the mistake of relying too much on our extra senses and have forgotten how to just take a chance without knowing how it's going to turn out! Without knowing what others are thinking!"

"How can I take a chance Alice, when there are so many variables in the equation?"

Alice looked up away from me, her gaze was focused straight ahead. "I don't know what Bella's going to decide Edward. There _are_ too many variables. Too many undecided factors. And you have no idea what she's thinking. You're so used to knowing what people are thinking Edward that you you've forgotten how to read people the old fashioned way, by their expressions, by their body language. The only time you ever had to do that was with Bella, and you've been away from her for so long that you've forgotten how to read her. Stop assuming what she's thinking and pay attention to how she acts Edward. Watch how she reacts when she's around you."

I pursed my lips and glared at her, trying to make her understand once again. "It's not the same thing Alice" I challenged "and you know it. She already knows you love her, she just needs to be reminded. And she loves you in return. You're not taking that much of a chance," I sneered.

Alice looked back at me skeptically with a sneer of her own on her lips. She said only one word.

"Exactly."

When we returned to the house, it was quiet, only Esme was home. Carlisle had gone to the hospital to meet with his colleagues, and Rose, Emmett and Jasper had gone down to Seattle for the day, to pick up some more equipment for Bella's store. I wondered if after this evening she'd even let them install the equipment. I'd really messed things up with Bella. Not just for myself, but for my entire family. Rose had gotten pretty attached to Bella this weekend, and I was sure she was going to rip my head off as soon as she heard I'd gotten Bella upset at all of us. She wouldn't be quite as understanding as Alice had been. My brothers were going to give me hell too. To them, Bella was like a little sister that needed to be looked after. And my parents. I didn't even want to think of how disappointed my parents would be that I'd gotten her so upset at our entire family. Carlisle and Esme were extremely excited about going to Bella's graduation in a few weeks. I really hoped my stupidity hadn't ruined that chance for them.

I heard Alice in the kitchen with Esme, recounting to her the events of today, practically word for word. I sat down on the sofa in the front room, not wanting to be near my mother or my sister right now, or anyone else for that matter.

'_Oh, poor Edward!'_ I heard my mother thinking, as Alice continued her story, and then _'Oh, poor Bella!'_ as Alice recounted Bella's parting words about paying us back for the help with the store.

"She's not really going to try to do that is she?" Esme questioned Alice.

"I'm sure Bella will calm down. Don't worry Esme." Alice comforted our mother. I wished I could be as sure as Alice seemed to be that all would be okay.

Jumping out of the sofa, I decided to go for a run. I needed to clear my mind. There was so much confusion in it right now. Bella's accusations, the way she'd looked up at me with betrayal in her big brown eyes, Alice's now constant torments. I was beginning to lose sight of what I'd come for.

To keep Bella safe! To keep Bella safe! I chanted to myself over and over as I ran through the mountains, reminding myself that that was the one and only reason for my presence here. Even if Bella was upset at me, even if she hated me, I had to live with it. Because my main concern was to make sure she was safe.

'But if you concede that the dog is not a danger, then what are you keeping her safe from? What are you doing here?' a voice inside me asked.

'There's still other dangers' I answered myself, 'including the wolf named Paul.'

'Always important' the voice inside me agreed, 'But there's more….'

"There is no more!" I hissed into the cool night air. Keep Bella safe! Keep Bella safe! I continued my chant throughout my run, trying to draw a darker line down the border of what I believed to be right and wrong. It was getting very hard. The line was starting to fade…

And then I realized where I'd run to.

I was at the Quileute border, the line that divided our lands from those of the werewolves. I stopped, my foot a quarter of an inch from the line that Carlisle and Jacob Black's grandfather had drawn so many years ago. How I itched to step over it right now! How my body trembled to reach in and grab Bella, who was probably at the dog's home right now, and run with her, never looking back! Would I be doing it to keep her safe from the dogs? Did I even care why I'd be doing it? All I knew in that instant, as my foot trembled to step over the line, was that I wanted Bella out of there! I wanted Bella! Even if it meant a fight with the dog. I lifted my foot.

No! I had to stop. I had to think straight. Breaking the treaty would not only mean a fight between the dog and I, but problems for my family. I couldn't do that to them. I owed them too much. I loved them too much.

Besides, I had no right to Bella. I knew this already. Why was I torturing myself like this? She was where she wanted to be, and I had to accept that. I turned and ran quickly, ran away from the images of Bella with Jacob, ran away from Alice's continuing harassment, ran away from Bella's aching eyes, ran to find the line between right and wrong again.

When I arrived back home a couple of hours later. I couldn't hear Alice inside, and the rest had not returned yet either. Only Esme remained at home.

As she heard me close the door to the front, Esme called out to me.

'_Ah, son, you're home. Would you mind joining me in the back please?'_ My mother's internal voice was calm, but I could tell from her tone that she had something serious to discuss with me.

I made my way to the back of the house through the back door in the kitchen. When I stepped outside again, I found my mother sitting quietly on the porch swing with the latest issue of Modern Architecture sitting lightly on her lap. She smiled as she saw me and patted the space next to her, indicating I should join her.

'_Oh Edward, you look so lost!'_ she thought. I smiled at her weakly, neither confirming nor denying her assessment.

I sat next to her quietly, neither of us saying anything for a few minutes. We looked out at the darkened forest ahead of us, listening to the quiet beyond. The rain was falling lightly tonight – light drizzles – but the porch overhang kept us dry. No animals remained around here, they'd all cleared out the day we'd returned to Forks. The closest creature was at least a couple of miles away. The river softly flowing in the background was the only sound.

Esme finally looked over at me. '_Alice told me what happened today.'_ I kept my eyes on the forest ahead, nodding once to let her know I'd heard her.

Esme kept her eyes on me, trying to form her words carefully before she spoke.

"Edward, I know you, and you know my thoughts. You know I didn't fully agree with your father back in New York when he said the wolves may not be a threat to Bella, but from what you and Alice have told me, he does seem to have incredible control, and he does seem to really love her."

I exhaled loudly, lowering my head down. It was an act of defeat.

'_But does that necessarily make him what's best for her?' _ Esme wondered sincerely.

"No Esme, it doesn't," I answered her. "But that doesn't mean I'm any good for her either." My voice was a bit gruffer than I intended. "What right do I have to her now mother, after everything I did to her? And how hypocritical would that be, if after I talked so much garbage about the dog being too dangerous for her, I tried to take that place again? I'm just as much a monster as he, and I carry along my own personal demons." My mother looked at me pensively while an image of my brothers and sisters fighting in the living room entered her mind. "I didn't mean them, although that's another factor. I was speaking figuratively," I smirked. Her eyes softened and she smiled sweetly.

"Edward, we all have our own personal demons. And Bella was always able to accept your past and look beyond it. Why would that have changed now?"

"Because _everything's_ changed now Esme! Bella is no longer the impressionable 18 year old girl I left behind. She's a very independent young woman, who knows what she wants, who has a strength that astounds me and makes me love her even more, if that's at all possible. And as happy as her growth makes me …why would she want me now Esme? I was such a short part of her life. She's been with Jacob Black for years. Why would she even remember…" I trailed off, unable to finish my thought. It hurt too much to voice the fear that the most important months of my existence may have been all but forgotten to Bella.

Esme patted my shoulder softly, calming me as much as one of Jasper's calming waves would have. I relaxed slightly into the chair, but my heart and mind were still anxious, still looking for answers without knowing where to find them. My mother exhaled loudly.

'_I need to tell you something, but please listen to my words, so that I can explain it the way I want to.'_

I nodded once in agreement.

"I know you know the story of how your father and I met. I was sixteen the first time I met him. I was living in the outskirts of Columbus with my parents, and I'd broken my leg falling out of a tree. Our usual doctor was away, so my parents took me to the hospital where a certain Dr. Cullen was working." She smiled, her golden gaze far-away, and in her mind I saw the fuzzy memory of her first encounter with my father replay. The memory stopped and she looked back at me.

"It was the only time I ever saw him until the day he found me after I'd jumped off the cliff, and changed me. And when I awoke after the change, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him." Her mind now replayed the memory of her setting her eyes on Carlisle for the first time after the change, and the shock and happiness she felt in that instant."

"But you already know all this. You were there for that part." I nodded in confirmation. I'd been standing by the door the day Esme opened her eyes to our new life. Watching as Carlisle sat vigil in the chair next to her, hearing his anxious thoughts as he waited nervously for her to open her eyes. When she did, and I felt and he saw the love in them, he almost sobbed in relief. And as happy as I'd been for him then, I'd also wondered what this meant for me. He'd found a mate. What did he need me as a companion for anymore?

"What you don't know Edward, is why I was so happy when I saw Carlisle that day." My eyebrows knit together in question. "Edward, since the day I first met your father when I was sixteen, I never forgot him." She smiled softly again, replaying the hazy memories. "I never forgot his gentle demeanor, I never forgot the soft, tender way his hands smoothed over my leg as he set it. I never forgot the way his eyes flashed in anger when my father suggested in front of him that, had I been married and having babies already the way most girls my age were instead of climbing up a tree like a boy, this would never have happened. And most of all, I never forgot the way that anger melted away and a look of enchantment filled his beautifully strange and warm golden eyes when he looked up at me after setting my leg. 'Please be careful next time,' he whispered, so low that only I could hear him. 'The thought of you hurting yourself again is unbearable.' I remember gasping as he said that, wanting to talk to him so much more, to get to know him. But my parents were in the room, and in those days it was extremely unacceptable for a lady to speak to a man without being spoken to first." She laughed melodically.

"I landed in the hospital again a few days later, with a superficial but very nasty looking gash on my other leg" –she winked at me conspiratorially- "but by that time" –she sighed- "the handsome young doctor had left town suddenly."

I looked at my mother curiously. I'd never heard this part of the story. It was interesting to know that my penchant for obsessing over Bella's safety appeared to somehow be a learned trait. Probably learned from living with Carlisle for so long. I was also a bit shocked to know my mother had somehow purposely given herself some sort of non-life-threatening injury to see my father again. I chuckled once as I pictured them as two young people falling in love rather than as my parents. Weird.

"That's a sweet story Esme. Thank you for sharing it." I wasn't sure how it fit in with what we'd been discussing, but it had at least served to distract me momentarily.

'_There __**was**__ a reason for the story though Edward.'_ I chuckled, embarrassed at having been caught doubting my mother's reasoning. I swear it was as if the woman could read my thoughts sometimes.

"The reason I told you that story was because I wanted you to understand that from the moment I met your father, until the day I woke up with him sitting next to me all those years later, I never forgot him. Not for one day. I'd see him everywhere I went. I'd be standing in the market and see a flash of golden blond hair, and immediately look up, hoping to see his golden eyes shining down at me. But of course, it was never him. I'd see him in my dreams every night, and he'd hold me tightly to him, whispering to me the words I was sure he'd wanted to say to me that day in the hospital, but because of propriety he hadn't been able to. I think I waited so long to marry because part of me kept hoping he'd come back to our little town someday. Of course, he didn't. And then reality set in, and my father insisted I marry Charles, which I did. And well, you know what happened after that…" my mother trailed off. Yes, I knew. Charles had been an abusive husband, and when Esme found out she was pregnant, she ran away. Only to have her child die of a lung infection. It was what pushed her to throw herself off the cliff. It was what brought her to my father. It was what brought her to us, as _our_ mother.

"But Edward, even if Charles had not been abusive" my mother continued, "I don't think I could've ever been happy with him."

"Why not?" I asked anxiously, knowing this was the part that was crucial to me. Knowing what she was thinking already, but needing her to verbalize it.

"Because Charles wasn't Carlisle. Because even though I'd only spent one day of my life with Carlisle, only a few hours really, he was the only man that could've ever made me happy. And somewhere deep inside, I knew that. It was only one day Edward, and it was when I was very young, before I became the woman I became later on, and it was years before I ever saw him again, but it marked me forever. I became his that day, as much as he became mine. When he met me, he was changed permanently, because he was a vampire. But so was I. Human or not, days or years, it didn't matter. I was altered, as I would always be. And as much as I may have changed as a woman in those years without him, what I felt for your father never did." Esme smiled at me sadly, hoping I understood what she was trying to tell me. And not only understood it, but accepted it.

I thought about what she said. She'd only spent a few hours with my father, yet she'd always wanted him from then on. I knew exactly what she was trying to say, but it was so hard to believe, so hard to accept that it could be true.

And I was terrified, because deep within me, my heart was bursting with the desire for it to be true. And someplace even deeper, there was a voice that was fighting to be released, that no longer wanted to be suppressed. A voice that was fighting to yell out, '_Yes, it is true! Believe it! Accept it!_'

Yet if I let myself believe that voice, what did that mean? Did that mean that I still had a chance? That I actually deserved her, after everything I'd put her through? Abandoning her, leaving her to deal with Laurent and Victoria without me? That regardless of everything she felt she owed Jacob Black, she would somehow leave him for me?

More importantly, if I believed that voice, did it necessarily mean that I hadn't messed things up so badly that, love or not, Bella could ever forgive me?

No. It didn't mean that. Whether she still loved me or not, I doubted she could forgive me for everything she'd gone through because of me.

I looked back at my mother, shaking my head. "Esme, even if she did still love me, she doesn't want me around anymore." My mother raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"She told me so herself, this evening." I closed my eyes as I recalled her words. "She told me to go home, and then she walked away from me."

My mother's features relaxed, and she let out a tiny laugh. I frowned, wondering what was so funny about Bella sending me away.

"Alice told me what Bella said Edward. Word for word. And she told me she was sure you hadn't seen it, and I guess she was right." I narrowed my eyes at my mother.

Esme sighed, a smile still on her delicate face. "Bella said to you 'If all you came back for was to make sure I was safe, then you can go back home with your conscience clear.'"

"Yes, that's exactly what she said," I confirmed in a flat tone. I still couldn't find the humor in it.

Esme chuckled lightly, looking at me with a tender smile. "Oh son, can't you see? Even subconsciously, she's still giving you a chance. She's not driving you away. She's challenging you to speak up! She wants to know if concern for her safety is the only thing that brought you back to Forks."

My mother stared at me intently, and gently took my hand in hers. "Now Edward, it's time for the truth." Her voice was gentle yet firm, as if she were speaking to a boy who'd just gotten caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. "_Is_ that all you came back for?"

I swallowed audibly, feeling as if I _had_ been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. My mother continued to stare at me, refusing to release me from her gaze. Refusing to let me out of this.

But I no longer wanted to get out of this.

The voice broke through, the one that had been there since the second Bella landed in my arms almost a week ago; the one that refused to keep our love in the past. The voice that wanted a second chance, whether it was deserved or not. The one that wanted a chance to make up for all the pain, all the sadness, all the grief I'd caused Bella over the years. The voice that not only wanted, but needed to tell Bella that I still loved her, that I'd always loved her, that I would _always_ love her. The voice that would take any chance if there was the slightest hope that Bella still loved me.

Esme smiled widely now as she watched me closely, squeezing my hand tightly. Once again I wondered if perhaps she also had some ability to read minds that she hadn't told us about. "Is that all you came back for Edward, to make sure Bella's safe?" she repeated with a knowing smile.

I grinned at her, caught with the cookie in my hand. But this time, I refused to put it back. "No Esme. It's not."

"I came back for her."

* * *

**Yay! I'm so happy! Finally, finally, finally! He's ready to fight! I know lots of you were getting exasperated. But come on, this is Edward we're talking about. He had to torture himself a bit before deciding. **

**Okay, so I promise you guys. Confession. Next chapter. Still won't say who'll break first, but you'll find out next chapter. Edward's done narrating for a while (he had 3 chapters in a row!) It will be in Bella's POV.**

**And I love Edward and Esme moments! She's such a good mother! The story Esme tells Edward of how she met Carlisle is true. Stephenie provided the background to , and I got it from there. I added to it a bit, and the feelings I described though, are my take on things.**

**And finally, this week we have a holiday gift to all those who leave me a review. If you click on the little green button below, and leave me a review, I'll respond to you and let you know what the stakes are on the bet the Cullen siblings have going regarding Edward and his breaking point! **

**Happy New Year!**


	19. Chapter 20 Taking Advice

**A/N: Hi Everyone! I've got good news and bad news (although for those of you who like to read –a lot- the bad news might not be so bad.) The good news is that Bella and Edward will finally be having that talk. The bad news is that this chapter was so long that again I had to split it in two, so you'll have to get through this before you get to that. Another piece of good news? I'm posting both chapters up at once! Enjoy!**

**Thanks to my wonderful Betas, Danna0724 and ADGroovy.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Taking advice**

_But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.__** –Hamlet, Shakespeare**_

**Bella's POV**

It was getting harder to see the road ahead. Between the clouds that had finally ended their reprieve over the dark Washington skies and the moisture seeping uncontrollably out of my eyes, I couldn't distinguish between the raindrops and my own tears anymore.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly with one hand, wrapping my other arm around myself as another spasm of pain rocked my body, opening up old wounds that I'd thought long since scabbed, if not completely healed. It felt like bright red blood was slowly oozing from every major organ in my body - the holes in my heart as fresh as if they'd been torn there today, rather than years ago.

My mind had been all over the place since I'd gotten in the car and drove away from the embarrassing scene I'd just caused, fluctuating from one thought to the next at a dizzying rate. But every thought, no matter how divergent, brought me to the same conclusion.

'_Oh God, how could I have been so stupid?'_ My mental self-berating continued. I momentarily pulled my arm away from my body and rubbed my forehead forcefully with the palm of my hand, trying to block out the painful truths running around in there so I could put an end to the breakdown I was having. But it was no use. My mind refused to be blocked. _'It was guilt. It was all just guilt and hatred for Jake! How could I have thought it was anything else?'_

I shuddered, remembering Edward's words by the waterfront, -_'I did want to talk to you tonight about Jacob and the rest of the wolves'_ – the recalled shock at hearing those words bringing on a fresh new torrent of tears.

What did I expect though? What did I actually think Edward was going to say to me at that moment? I had no one but myself to blame for the agonizing pain I found myself in now. Edward had only returned to Forks because he thought the naïve, clumsy, danger-magnet girl he'd left behind had gotten herself into another pickle again and, as usual, it was his job to clean up the mess. So while he'd kept me close all weekend, guarding me from the danger he imagined me in, my stupid imagination had gone into over-drive, imagining looks that weren't there, touches that meant nothing. Now, every time I replayed every moment of last weekend -every word, every gaze- I saw with unclouded eyes what had really been behind Edward's – guilt, and nothing more.

_Ugh!_ A fresh wave of misery overtook me and I tightened my arm around my torso, trying desperately and failing to keep myself together. For a brief instant, I considered pulling over – I probably wasn't in the best condition to drive right now, regardless of what I'd told Edward before I'd finally made myself walk away from him. But instead of easing my foot off the gas, I pressed down even harder, anxious to put as much distance as possible between myself and Edward. I was desperate to get to La Push now, back to the safety of the little red house there, as far away from Edward and his haunting eyes as possible.

'_Get a grip Bella!'_ I scolded myself again. _'You knew this already! You knew he didn't love you! This isn't news, so stop letting it hurt you so much again. _

'_You're not good for me Bella._

_You're not good for me Bella' _

The words circled around and around in my head, like hawks waiting to pounce on me the second they saw me lose control. _Oh!_ I squeezed myself even harder, as if doing so would chase the words away. Chase them back to the past, where they belonged, and turn them back into a dull ache again, rather than the sharp, raw pain that I was feeling now, as if Edward had just uttered those words to me a little while ago, rather than four long years ago.

Instinctively, my foot pressed down on the gas even harder. I needed to get back to Jake, back to reality. The pain searing through my chest was caused by more than just the reminder that I was nothing more than a momentary distraction in the unending lives of immortals –immortals which to me were my life itself- but also by the guilt that I felt now. My mind was a total mess as I alternated between the agony of fresh rejection, the knowledge that in Edward's eyes I was still nothing more than incapable and inept Bella, and guilt for caring how he saw me in the first place.

I'd been so monumentally unfair –and "unfair" was being kind- to Jake all weekend. I'd barely thought of him, lost as I'd been in my fairy tale with the Cullens; working with them side by side to fix up the store, laughing and playing around with them. Playing around with _him_. All the while Edward had just been biding his time to confront me with his twisted delusions of the danger I was in with Jake.

At least I'd been loyal enough to stand up for him when Edward had started on his mortal enemies crap by the waterfront. At least I'd been able to snap out of my Edward-induced trance long enough to remember where my loyalties should lie, to remember who'd been there for me for the past few years.

"Oh Jake, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" My voice was a choked whisper as I apologized in the privacy of my car for the way my stupid foolish heart had betrayed him. Not in words or actions, or even in conscious thought. But in my heart, deep in there where I could deny anything to the world but nothing to myself, I'd wanted Edward to tell me he wanted me. I'd wanted to hear him say that the Bella he saw before him now wasn't the same one he'd grown tired of all those years ago. That he saw a change in me, a growth, an improvement. That I wasn't the oppressive little girl that needed to be constantly looked after anymore, and that maybe I was good enough for him after all.

But what I'd heard was the complete opposite. Because to Edward, I still wasn't strong enough, or smart enough to take care of myself.

'_My God! Do you have no sense of self-preservation at all?'_ With those words he'd told me exactly what he still thought of me. I was nothing more than an imprudent girl who was irresponsibly endangering herself, and his guilt for what happened with Laurent and Victoria made him think it was his responsibility to fix the situation, to pull himself away from the life he was currently leading to come take care of the troublesome child.

The burden.

All my life I'd worked hard to make sure I wasn't a burden to anyone. Growing up I'd tried my best to be useful to my mom, taking care of her and helping her out as much as I could. When I'd gone to live with Charlie, I'd been careful not to make myself more work for him, rather I'd been happy to see that there was something I could contribute to his little household; even if it was just a home cooked meal and a clean home to come back to after a long day at the station.

And darnit!, I'd worked hard for the past few years to make something of myself! Fine, I wasn't earning a diploma from any Ivy League school, and I wasn't opening up Eclipse along Fremont in Seattle, but it was something! And I'd _thought_ Edward recognized that. When we were in the meeting with the distributors, my eyes had instinctively moved to his for a moment, and the look I'd imagined in his eyes at that moment had made my heart soar. It was a look of total pride and amazement – or at least that's what I'd let myself believe. I thought he was seeing me in a different light, as someone worthy of his respect. It gave me the extra boost of confidence I needed to hammer out the final details of our agreement with the distributors.

But looking back on it now, he'd probably just been shocked that I hadn't tripped over my own words while speaking.

Despite everything, nothing had changed. To Edward, I was still the same old Bella; clumsy, naïve, no sense of self-preservation. His feelings for me, or rather, his lack of them, hadn't changed.

Yet as much as I could deny it to the world, to anyone who would ever dare to ask, I couldn't deny it to myself. My heart would always betray me when it came to Edward. Only now, in so doing, it was also betraying Jake. And I couldn't let that happen.

But the guilt hadn't actually hit me until after Edward had broken me…again. Up until then, as I looked into Edward's eyes, willing him to say the words that would release my heart and my lungs from the constant state of constriction they'd been in for the past few years I hadn't even figured Jake in the equation. And realizing that now, that my guilt hadn't even started until _after_ I'd realized what Edward was really thinking made me feel a thousand times more guilty.

'_Oh!'_ I was a monster! Edward and Jake may have been the non-humans, but it was me all along that was the monster! My arm tightened impossibly harder around my waist.

'_And what would you have done if Edward had been getting ready to say something else anyway?' _That thought sobered me up momentarily. What _would_ I have done? If what I'd seen in Edward's eyes this weekend had been more than just retroactive guilt and worry for imagined dangers, what would that have changed? I had Jake now. Jake was what was real in my life now. And I could've never betrayed him to be Edward's summer distraction.

As I saw the sign welcoming me to La Push, I realized I'd been so lost in misery that I hadn't noticed how fast I was going. The speedometer registered 75 mph. It shocked me momentarily. I knew I'd had my foot down on the gas with more force than usual, but I hadn't felt any of the resistance I usually felt on the rare occasions when I tried to push it past 60 mph. As I eased up on the gas, I couldn't recall a time when my little Beetle had ever cruised this quickly, or quietly. Hmm. Odd.

Either way, I tossed that quirk to the side. I had bigger concerns. My Dale Earnhardt stunt had apparently gotten me to La Push a lot quicker than I'd expected. And I was a mess. I took a quick look at myself in the rearview mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, dry tears staining my cheeks. For a split second, I wished for Alice. If anyone could've helped me get myself into a more presentable state right now, it was her. But then I remembered that she'd lied to me as much as Edward, and the tears threatened to spill again.

I pulled up to the little house a few minutes later, cutting the engine and sitting still, waiting for my traitorous heart to slow down enough for me to walk in without raising a bunch of red flags. Why had I come? I was in no condition to see Jake right now. He'd take one look at me and realize something was wrong. But on the other hand, wasn't Jake the person I was supposed to run to for comfort? Wasn't it his arms I was supposed to crave when I felt down? But the only arms I could imagine around me right now were smooth like marble, pale and soothingly cool, yet able to warm me like nothing else ever had…

'_Damn you traitorous heart!'_ I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and put my head down, repeatedly banging my forehead on the middle of the wheel.

After a couple of minutes, I finally felt calm enough to get out of the car. I didn't raise my hood to cover my head as I stepped out, instead I let the steady rain pound over me, washing away my anxiety, washing away my tears, alleviating my swollen eyes like a calming balm.

Jake opened the front door while I was still a few feet away.

"I saw you walking down," he grinned at me. And my heart cracked even more as I looked up at him. Because this was all I should have wanted. This wonderful, tall, dark handsome man was all I wanted until a couple of weeks ago. He was enough then. He _had_ to be enough now. I'd make sure he was enough again.

I ran to him then, closing the gap between us in a fraction of a second, and threw my arms around him.

Jake wound his arms around my waist, picking me up easily. "If this is how you greet me after a few days apart maybe we should stay away from each other a little longer next time," he laughed into my ear.

He pulled me away slightly to look at me. I smiled up at him, praying my smile seemed real enough. For a second, I thought I saw his eyes narrow slightly, a question in them. But quickly his grin grew wider and he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"You're getting wet babe. Let's get you inside."

He carried me inside easily, my head still resting on his shoulder. Once inside he put me down gently, helping me out of my wet raincoat.

"You look real nice" he complimented when he saw I'd traded my usual jeans and t-shirt for dressier clothes for the meeting.

"Thanks," I answered without looking at him, busy straightening my skirt before I sat down on the little loveseat in the livingroom.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him staring at me, but then he quickly walked off to the kitchen, where I could hear him opening the fridge.

"Coke or water Bells?" he called out.

"Water please." I responded, wishing we could just carry out the remainder of our conversation this way.

He was back quickly.

"So how'd the meeting go?" he asked as he passed me my water and came to sit next to me.

"It went pretty well," I answered, trying to inflict some excitement into my voice. "We worked out a pretty good deal for the bookstore." I didn't go into any details, figuring that if he wanted them, he'd ask for them.

"That's great." He sounded genuinely pleased. "I'm really proud of you Bells. I know you've worked hard for this."

I finally looked over to him, and the look in his eyes confirmed what he'd just said. He was proud of me. It was a look so similar to the one I thought I'd seen in Edward's eyes earlier today. So similar yet so different…

"So did Alice go with you to the meeting?" I could tell it was hard for him to say her name.

"Yeah, she did. She was a lot of help actually." I took a big gulp of my water.

"Anyone else?"

"Anyone else what?" I forced myself to look at him. He took a big gulp of his soda.

"Anyone else go with you?"

Like a coward, like a guilty, traitorous coward, I had to look away before answering. I stared intently at the label on my water bottle as I responded to his question.

"Yeah, Edward came along too actually."

Jake slowly put his soda can down on the coffee table while I continued fiddling with the label on my water bottle.

"What did Edward go for?" he finally asked. His voice was quiet, even; but I could hear the tension behind it. If he'd had a hard time saying Alice's name, Edward's name sounded like a four-letter expletive on his mouth.

"Well, he and Carlisle, they've been doing some research on distributors. Carlisle was going to come, but he had some last minute stuff to take care of, so Edward came instead just in case their was something he could contribute."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jake nodding his head slowly, processing the words that I'd just blurted out at a speed that even I found suspicious.

"So did he?"

"Did he what?" I asked, looking up at him again. His eyes narrowed.

"Are you okay today? 'Cause it doesn't usually take you this long to catch on to questions," he sneered.

I put my water bottle down on the coffee table. "I'm just tired. It's been a long week. Between school, the store, this meeting today, I just need some sleep."

Jake continued to stare at me. He looked like he wanted to ask me a million questions. After a few moments though, he suddenly pulled me into his side, wrapping his huge arm around me.

"Come here Bells. You can rest here for as long as you want. Billy's at a council meeting and probably won't be back 'til the early hours of the morning." He pulled me close to him, and the heat radiating from him poured into my tense muscles and finally, gratefully, I let myself relax into his side. I felt myself melting into him. Jake felt me relax and sighed. "There you go hon. Relax. Take a nap if you want."

I closed my eyes, deciding to try just that. Maybe it would help clear my mind. Maybe when I woke up I wouldn't have images from earlier this evening swimming around in my head. Maybe when I woke up I'd realize that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, that this was exactly what I needed. What I wanted.

'_This is right. This is real,'_ I told myself as I tried to lull myself to sleep. _'Jake is real. He loves me and I love him. This is reality. This is comfort.'_ And it felt real, as I lay there curled into his side. It felt comfortable and easy. I felt as if I could stay in this little house forever, wrapped in Jacob's protective arms and satisfied. Why did I doubt this was right? This was enough.

Jake turned on the small TV and flipped through channels with one hand, his other arm around me. I looked up at him slowly; his dark dancing eyes, dark warm skin, dark hair, soft lips. So different, I thought. So opposite to _him_. Warm vs. cold; two very different sensations. _'Warm is good'_ I told myself. _'Warm can be…'_

Before I could think of what I was doing, I pulled myself up and sat on Jake's lap, facing him. Caught by surprise, Jacob's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around him and leaned in closer. Jacob grinned warmly, setting the remote down and wrapping both arms around my back. Slowly, our lips came together, soft, yielding, tenderly. His lips were probably the softest part of him. He kissed me slowly and lovingly, a small smile on his face.

"I thought you were exhausted," he teased between kisses.

"Are you complaining?"

"No. Definitely not," he chuckled. He pulled me closer to him, the heat off his chest emanating through me. _'Warmth'_ I thought. _'Enough warmth'_ I thought. _'This is enough.'_

An image popped into my head. Other lips, not as warm, not as soft, not as yielding. But the heat that I'd felt when they'd kissed me, as cold as the lips and the body attached to them had been, the heat had been enough to set me on fire.

'_No!'_ I pushed the image away. Pushed it down forcefully and angrily. _'No!'_ I wouldn't let my mind go there. _'No! __**This**__ is real. This is real!'_

I held on to Jake tighter and deepened our kiss. Jake froze for just an instant, surprised by my fervor, but he quickly caught on. He pulled me to him closer still and started running his fingers through my hair. I responded by raising a hand to his hair, pulling on it gently until I heard a soft rumbling that sounded like a repressed moan coming from Jacob's mouth.

'_Soft black hair'_ I thought to myself. But the image that came to mind was bronze, not black.

I raised both hands to Jake's hair now, pulling on it more urgently, opening my mouth to allow Jake to deepen our kiss even more. His moans were becoming more audible, no longer able to repress them. His hands moved to my sides, and he ran them up and down slowly but firmly. _'Warm hands'_ – but the image was of pale cool hands. _'No! Warmth. Warmth!' _I chanted in my mind_._

Jake's lips left mine and he moved them to the side of my face, planting soft open mouthed kisses slowly. "Bella, stay with me tonight," he urged. "Stay," he whispered.

My eyes flew open. My hands froze over his hair before coming down quickly to my sides, straightening out the blouse that had become slightly askew. I pulled myself off his lap carefully and stood, picking up my water bottle from the coffee table and carrying it back into the kitchen.

"I can't stay over Jake, you know that" I called back quietly as I walked away. I heard Jake sigh loudly from the sofa before standing up to follow me into the kitchen. When I turned around, he was right behind me. "Charlie would have a fit if I didn't come home," I stated in a low voice.

"Not if he knew you were here with me," Jake murmured.

I tried to laugh that off, because he was probably right, but I wouldn't admit that to him. "I'm not so sure about that," I tried to joke.

"Come on Bella. You're 22 years old. We've been together for over three years now. I think Charlie would understand if you didn't come home one night." His eyes dared me to refute his statement.

I pressed my lips together tightly, trying not to scream. This was my fault. I knew that of course. I'd started something I obviously wasn't able to finish, and now Jake was calling me out on it.

"I don't think so Jake. Charlie's not getting any younger and I don't want to be the cause of a major coronary or something when he wakes up and I'm not in my room." Jake glared at me.

"Come on Bella! We've been together for over three years. I think it's pretty fair of me to expect to be able to move beyond second base with my girlfriend! I'm pretty sure even your average 12-year-old gets more action than I do!" He stood there with his arms crossed, waiting for me to respond, but I had no response to that. I swallowed audibly, staring back at him. After a few seconds, he threw his hands up in the air in frustration and turned around to stalk away from me, shaking his head as he went. Abruptly, he turned back. I flinched in surprise.

"What's going on with you tonight Bella?"

"Nothing's going on," I muttered faintly.

"Nothing? You come in looking like somebody died, then you tell me you're just exhausted, then you practically attack me on the sofa, which I'm not complaining about by the way, 'cause God knows that doesn't happen often, but then you just get up and walk away from me and act all surprised because I want more!"

I got on the defensive. "Seriously Jake? You're going to bring this up now? You know how stressed I am and you're going to pick now to fight with me about sex?"

Jacob exhaled through his nose, opening and closing his eyes in aggravation. "No, I'm not. I can't fight with you about something that doesn't exist between us."

The resignation in his voice made me cringe. "Jake, I've told you, I'm just not…ready. And the way I've been feeling lately, well now just isn't the right time for this."

"Then when Bella? Please let me know when you can fit me and _this_ into your busy schedule. Because it's something we have to at least talk about. It's a subject you _always_ refuse to revisit. Just like what we spoke about a few weeks ago is something we still haven't revisited either!"

I walked around him to leave. "I can't do this now Jake."

Jake grabbed my arm and swung me around to him again. I wondered why everyone kept doing that to me today.

"Bella, Bella wait!" His eyes were pleading now. The aggravation was gone, replaced with a look of shame. My mixed signals had left him frustrated, in more ways than one, yet he was the one to apologize. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. Now isn't the time to talk about this. This isn't how I wanted tonight to go. I've missed you for the past few days. And when you walked in, well I guess I let that get the better of me. You told me you were tired and you're right, I should've respected that." He looked so vulnerable, the way he always did when he let his guard down with me. When he stopped being Jacob Black, Quileute, Protector, and just became plain old Jake. Jake was protector of the tribe, yet I was the one who was supposed to be protector of his heart. He'd given me his heart, trusted me with it, yet no matter how hard I tried, I knew I could never be worthy of it. _'Monster'_ I thought again. It had been me all along.

"I'm sorry Jake." I placed both my hands on either side of his face, looking into his eyes and begging him to forgive me for so much more than I could ever say. For wanting to be so much to him, and failing at it so miserably for the past few years. "This isn't how I wanted tonight to go either. I'm sorry I make things so complicated. I shouldn't have…" – I looked away – "I shouldn't have started on like that, and I know there's things you want to talk about, things _we need_ to talk about, but please, can we just put them on the shelf for a little while? I really am exhausted Jake, physically, mentally…" My voice started shaking. Jake pulled me into a tight hug, lifting me off the ground and sitting me on the kitchen counter.

"It's okay Bells, it's okay. We can shelf it for now." He continued soothing me, stroking my hair. After a short while, he pulled away from me enough to look in my eyes. "But Bella, we do have to talk about these things. We can't just leave them on the shelf forever." His voice was low yet direct.

"I know Jake. You're right. We do. But not now Jake. Please, just let me get through this summer."

"Why through the summer?" he asked suspiciously.

"Through graduation and the store opening," I rephrased.

He smirked. "Okay. But once graduation and the store opening are done with –he stretched the words graduation and store opening a little longer than necessary- you promise we'll come back to these subjects, to _both_ of these subjects?" he stressed.

"I promise Jake". He stared at me intently, searching. He needed reassurance, but I didn't know how to offer it.

"Hey, why don't you come down to the store tomorrow? See how it's coming along?" I offered.

Jake raised his eyebrows at me. "The store? Are _they_ going to be there?"

"I…don't know." I didn't think they would be, but I couldn't be sure. Maybe they had some stuff they'd need to pick up before they left.

Jake smirked. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Come on Jake," I insisted. "I really don't know if they'll be there or not, but you said you'd try, either way," I reminded him.

Jake exhaled loudly, staring at me intently. "You sure you want me to come?"

I smiled at him encouragingly before answering. "Yes, of course I do."

He smiled back tentatively, but I could see the strain behind his eyes. "Okay, then. I'll come by and see what sort of a disaster those bloodsuckers have going in your store."

I scowled at him. "It's looking really nice actually," I corrected. "They know what they're doing." My voice was more defensive than I would have liked.

Jacob looked past me, focusing intently on the cabinets behind me. "I'm sure they do know what they're doing Bella. I'm sure they do."

I got home earlier than I'd expected that night. The strain of our argument left both Jake and I unusually silent and drained me even more of my energy. I bowed out early, using the excuse of my impending graduation again, even though I knew that I wasn't even going to try to study tonight. There was no way in hell.

Charlie eyed me suspiciously from across the living room, where I'd sat to spend a few minutes with him before going to lock myself in my room for the night. After a few more worried glances, I gave up on spending time with him and headed for my room.

I lay down on my bed, curling myself into a ball. It had been some time since I'd assumed this position at bedtime. The last few nights especially had been surprisingly peaceful. I'd slept nightmare-free. And two nights ago, when Edward sent me those text messages, I'd had one of the most restful nights I'd had in years, sleeping soundly with the cell phone under my pillow; open to his last message.

**GOOD NIGHT SWEET BELLA. SLEEP WELL.**

What an idiot I'd been! Ugh! The pain in my chest was starting again, just as I'd expected it to.

My cell phone rang, snapping me out of my fetal position as I sprang quickly out of bed. I dug into my bag for my phone, hoping and hating myself for hoping at the same time.

"Hi Bella! Just called to see how everything went at your meeting today?"

"Oh. Hey Gabs." I cleared my throat before continuing. "Everything went fine, I guess. We signed a contract, and everyone seemed to be happy with the terms. So yeah…," I trailed off.

"That's great! Oh my God, this is so exciting!" she squealed, genuinely happy for me.

"Yeah, yeah I suppose it is." My voice though, sounded anything but excited.

Gabby was quiet for a while, registering my lack of enthusiasm.

"Hey Bella, are you okay?"

I was ready to go with the now standard "yeah fine, just tired", but I hesitated for just a fraction of a second too long, and then the words just spilled out of my mouth.

"No Gabby I'm not." I felt the tears starting to well up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't answer right away, because I knew that as soon as I opened my mouth, the dam of tears would break. I tried to calm myself down before continuing.

Finally, I was able to speak. "I'm sorry Gabby. I'm just…God, I'm just so stupid is what I am!"

"Hey, don't say that. What happened?" she coaxed gently.

"I thought…I don't even know what I thought." I knew I was confusing her, but I didn't even know where to begin to explain what or who I was talking about.

"Is it about…Edward?" Well, so much for having to explain who I was talking about.

"Yes," I whispered in response, and some part of me wondered why Gabby's first instinct would've been to mention Edward rather than Jake.

I could hear Gabby's hesitation on the other line before speaking. "You do know he loves you, don't you?"

"No Gabby. Edward is…protective of me, yes. But believe me, it's not love. At least, not the "in love" kind of love. Not anymore."

Gabby's voice was dubious. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. The way he looks at you Bella, and the way he was acting with you last weekend…"

"He just wants to keep me away from Jake. He was hanging around with me to keep me away from Jake." Saying the words out loud hurt infinitely more, and I threw myself back on my bed, wrapping my arm around my chest instinctively.

"And why would he want to do that, if he wasn't in love with you?" Gabby's voice indicated that she thought my statement just proved her point.

"It's a long story," I sighed. "Basically, he thinks Jake's a danger to me."

"Is he?" Gabby sounded concerned now.

"No! Of course not!" I blew out a large breath, wondering how to explain it without giving too much away. "Edward's family and Jake's…family, well, they've had sort of a feud going on for a few years."

"And now you're caught in the middle of it?"

"Yeah, sort of." I took another deep breath. "It's a bit more complicated than that though."

"Because…you still love Edward." It was a statement, not a question, and I didn't try to answer anyway. The tears streamed down my face. I could taste their saltiness as they landed on my closed mouth.

"I do love Jake…" The words sounded like a plea for understanding, but they sounded insufficient, even to my ears.

"I guess that does complicate things," Gabby agreed quietly.

"It doesn't even matter anyway." I wiped the tears away from my mouth. "I'm making things complicated for no reason. Edward is my past, Jake is my present. And Jake does love me, in the "in love" kind of way. And I do love him Gabby, I really do." I was still pleading for understanding. "Besides, now that Edward knows he doesn't have to play protector to me anymore, he'll probably be gone by morning, if he isn't already, and none of this will matter. In a few weeks things'll be back to normal, and Jake and I can go on with our lives and forget that Edward ever came back to Forks."

"Hmm," Gabby said.

"It's just that…" I began, before going silent again.

"Just that?" Gabby prompted after a while.

"I just feel…there's so much I still wanted to say to him, you know?" The tears were rolling full steam ahead now, making my voice uneven. I wiped them away roughly with my fingers. "I know he doesn't love me. And I know it shouldn't matter anymore, but it just does, and I can't help it! And this pain in my chest," -I clutched my hand tightly to my chest, grabbing my shirt and squeezing it as if I could squeeze the pain out that way- "it just keeps growing and growing, _gnawing_ at me." I didn't even know if I was making any sense at this point with my ramblings. "I just wish I knew how to make it go away. At least dull it down to where it used to be before he came back."

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"

Again, I couldn't answer. Gabby was silent for a few seconds.

"Bella, have you told Edward how you still feel about him?"

"No. What would be the point?" That would make the pain worse, wouldn't it? Watching the horror form on his beautiful features as he heard that the pathetic girl in front of him still hadn't been able to let go -even all these years later- would make the pain exponentially worse. "And besides" I thought out loud, "saying those words to him…well, it just wouldn't be fair to Jake."

"Do you think _this_ is fair to Jake? This in-between state you're living in?" Her words cut me to the quick, not because they weren't true, but because it was why I'd been hating myself all night. But before I could respond Gabby continued quickly. "I'm sorry Bella, I don't mean to make you feel worse," she went on in an apologetic tone. "But I really care about you. You and I, well we both know what it's like to grow up in the shadows of our parent's mistakes." She hesitated for a moment. "I just don't want to see you make a choice you'll regret later on."

"I'm not like my mom Gabby. I mean I love her and all, but I stick to my decisions."

"I know you do Bells. But that doesn't necessarily mean you'd be making the right one. It doesn't mean you'd be making the wrong one either," she clarified quickly. "But don't you think having everything out in the open, letting Edward know how you feel, even if you don't think he feels the same –which I'm not convinced of, by the way- would at least, if nothing else, give you some sort of closure, so that you _could_ go on with Jake? So that you don't go through life feeling like –as you said yourself- there was so much left unsaid between you and Edward?" She went on at my continued silence. "This way, you could finally move on with Jake knowing that he's definitely your present, and Edward is definitely your past. A past that you'll always love, but that you were _finally_ able to release, on your own terms," she finished gently.

I wanted to argue with Gabby's logic. I wanted to tell her that no, shouting to Edward _'I love you. I've always loved you and I will always love you. And I know you don't feel the same, and I accept that, but I just needed you to know so that I could go on with my life,' _definitely wouldn't make me feel better. But as I pictured myself doing just that, I suddenly felt the ever-tightening constriction around my heart slightly loosen, and for the first time all day I was able to let out a large gust of air in one breath. It was such a relieving feeling. _So cleansing_. Would my telling Edward how I really felt about him be a betrayal to Jake, or would it be me finally letting Edward go, on my own terms? It started to make sense. Maybe because deep inside, I wanted it to, so I could have an excuse to finally tell Edward how I felt.

But then Gabby spoke again. "But Bella, and I know you don't agree, what if Edward does feel the same as you?"

And just like that, I lost the little bit of progress I'd just made. My heart constricted again. But not because I thought Gabby could possibly be right, but from the pain of the conviction of how wrong she was.

"He doesn't Gabby," I answered in a dull voice.

"But what if he does?" she insisted.

"He doesn't." My voice was resigned but sure.

Gabby sighed loudly, as if she wanted to keep arguing the fact.

"I'm sorry Gabby. I bet you regret calling me tonight, huh?"

"Of course not. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now, but I'm glad you were able to talk to me."

"So am I Gabby. And thanks so much…for all your advice."

She chuckled lightly. "Just make sure you take everything I said to you with a grain of salt," she advised, second-guessing herself. "I don't even have one man to go crazy over, much less two!" she teased. I laughed in spite of myself, wiping away the drying tears with the palm of my hand.

"Gabs, I'm sure the right guy for you will come along before you know it. Heck, we've been so busy lately I wouldn't be surprised if he's already around and you just haven't noticed him."

"Oh yeah? Well he's definitely none of the jerks hanging around campus, that's for sure." I giggled, knowing Gabby wasn't impressed with the self-absorbed college boys that were constantly hitting on her in school. They definitely weren't her type. She needed someone more down-to-earth. "If he's so close by, how come I haven't seen him yet? Where's he hiding himself?"

"You never know Gabby. You never know."

When I finally fell asleep that night, it was a fitful rest. The old familiar dream came back with a vengeful force. I ran and ran through the woods, tripping, falling, yet no matter how far I went, I couldn't find him. And all the while as I ran, I could hear the echo of his voice reverberating through the forest.

'_I don't want you to come with me'_

'_I don't want you to come with me'_

Over and over. Yet I continued to follow him. I continued to chase him. Because whether he wanted me or not, I couldn't let him go.

I woke up with a start, surprised to find that the dull, weak Washington sun was already up. I looked at my alarm clock and noticed that I'd overslept by almost half and hour. I'd never make it to my morning class on time, especially with the way I was feeling this morning.

Charlie knocked on my door. "Bells, you still in there?"

"Yeah Dad, I overslept." My voice was rough with sleep.

"You looked…tired last night. Should I have woken you?"

"No dad. It's fine. I'm not really feeling up for school today anyway. I think I'll just stay home this morning." I'd be no use in school today anyway. My mind was totally blown. I wouldn't be able to concentrate at all.

Charlie was quiet for a while. I thought he'd left. But then he spoke again. "Bells, take care of yourself okay?"

"I will dad. I promise." I needed to ease Charlie's worry. The last thing I wanted was to put him through a repeat of four years ago. "I'm just going to take it easy this morning before heading to the store."

"You work too hard Bella. Take a break. See ya later."

I heard his heavy footsteps go down the stairs. I stayed in bed, staring up at the ceiling; the old familiar feeling of how I was going to get through another day starting to creep in.

The doorbell rang. I heard Charlie walk over and open it.

"Morning Charlie!" came a sweet melodious voice.

"Alice honey! What brings you here so early this morning?" The door closed, and I could picture Alice strolling in gracefully.

"I came to see Bella of course. Is she up yet?" The dulcet in her tone brought a fresh ache to my heart. Was she coming to say good-bye? Was I at least getting a good-bye this time?

"She's still in her room. I don't think she's feeling too well. See if you can talk her into taking it easy, will you hon? She's been so busy lately and I think it's starting to take a toll on her." The concern in his voice was clear.

"I'll take care of her Charlie, don't worry." Now Alice sounded concerned. Of course. I was Bella, the girl incapable of taking care of herself. The burden. I'd release her and the rest of the Cullens of that burden today.

"Thanks Alice. I knew I could count on you. Well, I'm off. See you later."

"Bye Charlie, see you later." I heard the door open and close again, and then there was silence. I couldn't hear anyone coming up the stairs, but knowing this was Alice, that didn't surprise me. I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling.

My door opened quietly and out of the corner of my eye I saw the tiny pixie flow in. She stood by the door, staring at me. I kept staring up. After a few minutes, she spoke.

"Geez, you look horrible. Have you even eaten anything yet this morning?"

I snorted, in spite of myself, but kept looking up. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, you should eat anyway. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, or so I've heard."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. But don't worry. Believe it or not, I do have enough sense to feed myself before I actually starve. I'm not that helpless."

Alice was quiet for a few seconds; very surprising for her. She sighed loudly before speaking again. "I know you're mad at me Bella. And I'm sorry, I really, really am."

I sighed pitifully. "I'm not so much mad anymore Alice. More sad I guess. And sorry."

"Why are _you_ sad and sorry Bella?"

Sad and Sorry Bella. Sorta had a good ring to it I mused to myself. It was definitely a fitting description for me right now. "Well, lots of reasons I guess. But I guess I'm…sad because I realize what a burden I must be to you and the rest of your family."

"Bella-" Alice began, but I cut her off before she could finish.

"And I'm sorry that you all felt you had to uproot yourselves to come get me out of the trouble you imagined me in. But as I told your brother yesterday, I'm fine. I don't need to be rescued, and you're all free to go on with your lives. I'm sorry again, for any inconveniences I may have caused, and I'll be calling the bank later on this morning. I think I have enough to write you a check for half of what you've spent so far. If you guys don't mind setting up a payment plan, we can work out a schedule for the other half." My eyes remained glued to the ceiling as I spoke.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Alice's hands go to her hips. She walked quietly and quickly over to my bedside, and plopped herself down, glaring.

"Are you quite done?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

I finally looked down to her. She wore an outraged smirk on her beautiful face, and she looked insulted. "Yes," I answered meekly.

"Good." She took a deep breath, her eyes still focused on me, but the smirk left her face and her eyes relaxed. "Now. Are you ready to listen?" I shrugged my shoulders but didn't answer. She took that as a yes.

"First of all, I have to say, if you ever try to write me a check, you'd better make sure it's on a nice soft, quilted piece of paper. Because what I'm going to ask you to do with it will require you passing it over your behind. And I've heard the softer the better as far as that's concerned." She looked completely serious. "Second, like I said before, _I'm_ sorry. We're _all_ sorry. We should've been honest with you from the beginning, and told you why we were here."

"But that's my whole point! You didn't have to-" This time she cut me off.

"Ah! Nuh uh! You went already! You gave your little speech, now it's my turn!" she scowled. When she realized I was going to remain silent, her features relaxed again into those of an angel. "Alright then," she exclaimed calmly.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we should've been honest. No, we didn't come back to Forks because we missed the mountains. There are plenty of beautiful mountains in New York State. The Adirondacks. Have you ever heard of them?"

I stared up at her and nodded my head slowly when I realized she was waiting for an answer.

"They really are beautiful. Very majestic. You should take a trip there someday," she exclaimed encouragingly before becoming quiet again.

"Okay" I responded, wondering if this was going to turn into a topography lesson.

"Bella, we missed _you_. _I_ missed you. When I saw you in New York a few weeks ago…" she exhaled loudly, "well, you just don't know how much that meant."

"I know what it meant for me," I added.

"Hey! Can I finish? Please?!" she moaned, sounding exasperated.

"Fine, fine! Go ahead."

"Anyway," she continued, rolling her eyes at me. But then she reached up and placed a tiny cold hand on my face, smoothing away the hair covering my eyes. "Seeing you again was seriously the highlight of the past few years for me."

My eyes grew wide and I gasped at her admission.

"That's how much I missed you Bella. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make it clear to you, I'm sorry if _we_ haven't made it clear to you how important you are in our lives." I started crying now, and Alice took my hand in hers. "We're not here because you're an obligation, or because we needed a distraction, or even because the wolves are our enemies. Yes, I admit we wanted to keep Jake away from you. But not because of any vampire slash werewolf vendetta, but because we were scared for _you_."

"You don't need to be scared for me. I can take care of myself!" I cried through my tears.

"We know you can! But Bella, try to see this from our point of view. He's a werewolf! In our world, he's a danger!"

"But I'm not in your world Alice!" I argued.

"Yes, you're right Bella, and I see the distinction now. I think we all see the distinction now, however begrudgingly. But if you accept how much you mean to us, can you see why the relationship scared us?" Her eyes pleaded with me to understand.

And if I looked at it in the context she was offering, that I was more than just a momentary distraction, that the Cullens really cared for me as I cared for them, I supposed I could see how they could have been terrified when they found out about Jake and me. After all, how would I have felt to find out that Edward was dating a –I racked my brain trying to come up with a creature scarier and more powerful than a vampire. I couldn't. Nevertheless, the thought of Edward dating _anyone_ still sent a violent shudder through me.

Alice continued. "And it's not because we question your judgment" – I raised my eyebrows at her in question – "okay, fine. We question it a little" –I smirked at her, wiping away the boogers from my runny nose- "but we accept it Bella. We accept him if he makes you happy. Because we don't want you to have to pick a side. We'd hate to be on the losing end of that," she finished.

I didn't answer her implied question. I couldn't even make myself think of something like that. "You should've just told me," I quietly admonished instead, removing my hand from hers.

"Yes, you're right. We should've. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't honest. I'm sorry I couldn't accept your relationship with Jake when you told me about him in New York. I'm sorry if I, if _we_, all overreacted. I'm sorry we let our prejudices against dogs, -excuse me, werewolves- see that yes, he is good for you. And I'm sorry that our return to Forks seems to have made things harder for you, instead of easier."

I shook my head. "No matter what, I'm so glad you came back, for however short a time."

Alice moved closer to me. "Bella, it doesn't have to be a short time."

I jerked my head back in surprise.

"True, we can't exactly stay here in Forks much longer, but that doesn't mean we can't remain in each other's lives." My heart soared momentarily at the thought of keeping all the Cullens in my life, but then as quickly as it had soared, it plunged down to the floor. Alice was here speaking for herself, and perhaps for the rest of the Cullens.

Save one.

After what happened yesterday, I doubted Edward wanted to remain any part of my life.

"Are you just speaking for yourself?" I bit my lip nervously. Alice eyed me warily, silently. She suddenly threw her hands up in the air and shook her head in frustration. Her next words shocked me.

"Bella, you need to talk to Edward."

"About what Alice?" I grunted, looking away from her. I could hear the anguish in my voice.

"About anything. About everything. Look Bella, I can only go so far with this. The rest is out of my hands. But you two, you _need_ to talk. Really talk."

"I want to Alice, I really do. But…I'm just not sure what there is to say," I tried weakly, a fresh set of tears making their way to the corners of my eyes.

"Say anything Bella. Anything! Yell at him. Curse at him. Throw rocks at him. Whatever. Just get it out of your system Bella. Clear the air for God's sakes!"

I laughed through my tears. "Yeah, Gabby basically said the same thing."

Alice's eyes twinkled. "Smart girl that Gabby."

"Yeah, she is," I agreed.

"Good friend too."

I smiled. "Yeah."

Suddenly Alice got serious again. "Just don't forget who your _best_ friend is," she added with a frown. I smirked playfully. My body felt so much lighter now. It was as if a huge boulder had been lifted off me. There were still more boulders left. But Alice was staying. Alice wasn't leaving me again.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you won't let me forget," I snorted.

"Damn right I won't," she assured me. Her frown melted away and she smiled sadly at me. "You know what? That's fine. She can be your best friend." Her hand came back up to my hair. She played with it, staring at it fixedly as she continued. "Because to me," –she looked at me now- "to me, you'll always be my sister."

The tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked as I sat up quickly and pulled her to me in the tightest hug I could manage.

"Oh Alice. I used to wish…" I whispered into her shoulder, but I couldn't get myself to finish the sentence. Alice pulled me away from her quickly but gently, and she stared at me with those golden eyes that reminded me so much of her brother that it almost hurt to look at her. "I still wish Bella. I _still_ wish" she whispered intently. "Please. Just clear the air with Edward."

I pulled away from her, bringing my hands down to my lap and twisting them nervously. "Jake's coming to the store today."

Alice frowned but didn't say anything. I suppose it was the best I could ask for. She stood up and walked over to my dresser, fingering the dangling dream-catcher there. "Yes, I figured as much when I couldn't see the day ahead of us today." That's right. I'd forgotten that would've been a dead give-away to her.

She turned around to face me again. "Would you like us to stay away from the store today?" Her tone was even. She was trying, I could tell.

"Well, if, as you say, you'd like to be a part of my life for more than just the summer, you guys are going to have to get used to being around each other. Don't you think?"

This time it was Alice who bit her lip, as if trying to keep herself from saying something she might regret. It was almost comical, watching her squirm to keep herself in check.

"Yes. I suppose you're right. But can the d-, can Jacob control himself around us?" she questioned.

"If I ask him to, he will. But don't expect him to be extremely charming to you or anything" I added.

"Don't worry Bella," Alice chortled. "That's the last thing I'd expect." I rolled my eyes at her but didn't respond. Instead, I got up to get dressed for the day.

"What about Edward Bella?"

I closed my eyes, refusing to turn and face Alice.

"What about him Alice?"

"Well, you can't speak to him today I guess. But are you-" she began, but then seemed to change her mind about what she wanted to say "Should I ask him to stay away from the store today?"

"It depends," I responded, walking over to my closet to get my clothes. Alice's eyes followed me.

"On what?"

I turned to face her. "On whether he's one of the Cullens that wants to be part of my life."

Alice looked at me but didn't answer. I quickly walked out of the room and headed for the bathroom to change.

When I returned to my room, Alice was sitting on the edge of my window. I stood and watched her for a split-second, remembering when her brother would climb in and out of that same window so easily, so gracefully. Alice eyed me curiously.

"You're still coming to the house on Friday though, aren't you?" she asked hopefully.

"If you guys still want me to."

"Silly Bella. Always so insecure. Insecurity plus insecurity equals so many misunderstandings."

"What's that little riddle supposed to mean?" I questioned as I quickly ran a comb through my hair.

She took a deep breath but didn't answer. "We'll be having guests on Friday, so pick something nice to wear. I'd like you dressed to impress that night."

I turned around to face her again, confused. "Who else is going over?"

"Our relations from Alaska. The Denali Clan. You remember us mentioning them, don't you?"

I remembered long ago the Cullens mentioning the other family like them, the other vegetarians, living peacefully in Alaska. Three sisters if I recalled correctly.

"Yeah. I think so. They're coming for a visit?"

"Yes. It's supposed to be a surprise. But of course…" she pointed to her eyes with her finger.

"Aah, yes. Of course," I agreed.

"Anyway, it should be interesting." Her voice was cryptic.

"Interesting how?" I questioned, pulling my hair into a quick ponytail.

She pursed her lips, her gaze far away now, before answering. "Don't really know exactly. Decisions, decisions, always blocking me. But we'll see," she sang.

"Alright Madame Alicia. Can we go now?" I walked to the door, ignoring her psychic drabble.

"So you're headed to the bank then?" she asked, having pulled my decision from my mind.

"Yeah, I figure since I missed school this morning anyway, I'm going to run some errands in town that I've been neglecting. Bank, market, post office. I'll meet you at Eclipse this afternoon."

"Okay. Can't see you after the post office, so I guess that's when you'll be meeting with the d-, Jake." She smiled shamelessly, knowing I'd caught her slip.

"Yeah, I guess," I smirked. "Please, tell everyone to behave themselves?" I pleaded seriously. "I've already asked Jake, but it's gotta be a two-way effort."

"I can't promise anything," she began.

"Alice!" I moaned.

"Oh fine!" she relented. "I'll tell them to be on their best behavior. Although in Emmett's case, you know that doesn't really mean much. See ya later!," she cried, before turning and flying out through the window. _'Just like a Cullen'_ I thought, and walked downstairs.

The morning flew by, and before I knew it, it was time to go meet Jake in the strip mall parking lot. My heart was beating wildly by now, worried that one side or the other wouldn't be able to control themselves, and before nightfall my store would be reduced to a pile of rubble…again. But I had promised from both sides that they'd try to control themselves, and I planned to hold them to it.

When I arrived at the strip's parking lot, Jake's car was already there. I could see him waiting patiently inside, but what surprised me was that he wasn't alone. Seth Clearwater was sitting happily next to him. I smiled, pleasantly surprised. Seth was one of my favorite pack brothers. He was happy, easygoing, and always fun to be with. I drove closer and noticed that Emmett's truck was also parked in the strip, a few feet away. And then my heart dropped to the floor. Because next to Emmett's truck was…the Volvo.

Seth bounded out of Jake's car when I pulled up and ran to me, picking me up in a vice tight hug, a huge smile on his face. I tried to compose my features so that I could return his easy smile, but my body felt like mush, I was sure even my lips were trembling from the tension. Seth put me down quickly and looked at me.

"Hey Bells!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Come on! Let's go inside. I'm dying to see the inside of this joint. I wanted to go in as soon as we got here but Jake here said we had to wait for you." He sounded extremely impatient.

I looked over at Jake, who was strolling over to us slowly, warily. He smiled tightly at me, and I could see the anxiety in his eyes. I knew it was taking a lot of control on his part to even be here. He kissed me chastely and took my hand when he reached me, and I tried to give him an encouraging smile. I wasn't sure how well I succeeded, being as I felt like throwing up all my lunch at the moment. We stood there for a moment, looking at each other, frozen to the spot. Neither one of us seemed desperate to go in, except for Seth, who was practically bouncing up and down, looking back and forth between Jake and me. "Well, are we going in or what?" he demanded.

"Lead the way hon," Jake smiled tensely. I held his hand tightly and started the slow walk up to the store. My eyes searched the windows for a glimpse of the Cullens, but whatever they were doing, they weren't visible from the outside.

The little bell chimed as I opened the front door and I jumped, startled. Jake looked at me, frowning. "I didn't realize they'd put that back on already," I tried to explain. Seth laughed at me like I was crazy.

I saw Jasper and Alice first. Jasper was busy connecting a laptop at the Wi-Fi station, and Alice was sitting quietly next to him, holding some extra pieces out for him. Neither one looked up as we walked in, which I knew was just an act. They'd probably heard us and smelled us miles away. I spotted Emmett and Rosalie at the other end of the room. Emmett was drilling some wiring into a wall, and Rosalie was hammering them securely along the edges of the floor.

Emmett suddenly looked over to Rose, who was kneeled closely next to him. He sniffed at her hair. "Hey Rosie", he exclaimed in a deceivingly even voice, "you been using those weird botanical naturey shampoos again? Cause I smell something gross in here." His lips twitched as he stared at his wife. "No honey, same shampoo as usual" Rosalie responded in a tone a thousand times sweeter than I'd ever heard her use towards him, towards anyone for that matter.

My face turned red, and I said a quick prayer to God, to anyone, that the wolves next to me remained oblivious to Emmett's sick sense of humor. Jacob, thankfully, remained stoic next to me, saying nothing. Unaware that Emmett was already goading him. So much for his best behavior.

I cleared my throat, ready to make our presence "known", but it was unnecessary. Seth bounded to the middle of the room, looking all around, from top to bottom, seemingly awestruck. "Awesome!" he exclaimed. "You guys've done this much already in just a week? Damn! Vamps _are_ fast!" He looked over to Emmett and Rose, and then Jasper and Alice. Emmett looked like he was about to choke on his own laughter. "This is so cool Bella!" He looked over at me. I gave him a weak smile. Emmett and the rest of them kept looking at Seth in confusion, their foreheads wrinkling. Seth bounded over to Jasper and Alice.

"What'cha guys doing over there?" he asked curiously. "Are those Macs your installing?" he asked Jasper directly, bending down to inspect Jazz's work. He reached out and touched the laptop in Jasper's hand. Seth looked at him, waiting for an answer to his question. It took Jasper a millisecond to compose himself and respond. "Yes, these are MacBooks," he answered quietly. "Top of the line right now," he added proudly.

"Damn!" Seth yelled. "Only the best for you Bells huh?" he said, throwing a quick look at me before going back to the laptops. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to answer, so I said nothing, looking up to Jake instead. Jake was glaring at Seth, looking ready to tear his head off himself.

"Seth, come here for a second!" Jake called in a serious tone.

"Hold up, hold up!" Seth answered without looking at Jake. He was walking over to Emmett and Rose now. "Oh hell no!" Seth exclaimed. "You gotta tell me where you got this tool set from man!" he addressed Emmett. He picked up some of the tools lying next to Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie backed away, glaring at Seth. Seth didn't even notice, so enthralled in the tools he was inspecting.

"I didn't even know they made half of this crap," he mused loudly. Emmett, his golden eyes sparkling with amusement, his lips closed tightly together fighting a laugh, looked up at Seth.

"These here tools are special order my man. You can't get these here in Forks, that's for sure."

"You gotta tell me where you ordered them from. Me and Jake could definitely do with a set of these in his garage. Right Jake?" Seth continued.

I was starting to fear for his life. Not from the vampires, but from the wolf standing next to me, radiating anger from every pore.

Jasper coughed loudly to disguise a chortle before Emmett responded, looking straight at Jake as he spoke. "Sure, maybe the three of us can take a ride down to Seattle one of these days and I could-"

Alice, dear wonderful Alice, finally interrupted. "Emmett! I think Rose needs your help with those wires!" Emmett looked over to Alice, smirking, and then turned back to Rose, who was glaring at him with a look that said she was going to castrate him later. I'd help her if she needed it.

Alice skipped over to Seth at an inhuman speed, startling him. "Damn girl!" Seth bellowed, jumping back quickly. "You startled me there! You guys are like lightning!" he laughed. Alice smiled at him sweetly, putting a hand out to him. "Hi, I'm Alice. Bella's best friend."

Alice's gesture appeared to have snapped Seth out of his vampire-lovin' giddiness. He quickly glanced at Jake before accepting Alice's hand, as if to gauge his reaction. Jake's face was blank now, but I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him in waves. Seth shook Alice's hand lightly, a little unsure of himself now.

"Um. Hi. I'm Seth," he answered Alice.

"Hi Seth" Alice said sweetly. "This is my husband Jasper, and those two over there are Emmett and Rosalie," she introduced. Jasper looked up at Seth and gave him a quick, yet gentlemanly nod before going back to his work.

"Seth, my man. Nice to meet you!" Emmett snickered. In her defense, I think Rose tried to give Seth a small smile, but it came out more like a sneer.

Alice looked over at Jake now, who was watching the exchange through impassive eyes.

"Jacob," she said simply in greeting.

Jake didn't respond, but gave her a slight nod of the head. He didn't acknowledge any of the others though, and neither did they.

Alice smiled widely at me now. "Bella, we've been waiting for you. I wanted you to take a look at these plans here for the storage room in the back and give me your opinion" she began. I started to walk over to her, but at that moment, Seth, apparent carpenter extraordinaire, found another compliment for the workmanship in the store.

"Hey, these floors here are really even. Who put these in? Whoever did has a great eye. Was it you Emmett?"

"No man." Emmett answered without looking up this time. "That was my brother Edward."

And at that moment, Edward walked out from the backroom, staring right at me. I froze in my spot, and I felt Jake's grip on my hand tighten strongly. Edward's face was blank, all emotion removed. For a split second, I thought his eyes moved down to me and Jake's entwined hands, and then narrow quickly, but I couldn't be sure. He nodded to me in greeting, his lips tight, before glaring at Jake quickly and looking away.

It was the best I could ask for I supposed. Alice and I agreed that whoever was willing to accept me and Jake would be here today. And I supposed this meant he accepted it, if not approved of it. Then why did it hurt so much when he looked at me? This was what I wanted; for Edward to accept that Jake was good for me. If he was finally accepting it, why did it hurt even more to have him see me with Jake?

Edward walked over to Emmett, tapping him once on the shoulder. "I need another set of hands in the back." His voice had no emotion, no inflection.

"I'm busy bro," Emmett answered without looking up. "Hey Seth man, this here's my brother Edward. Why don't you make yourself useful and go help him in the back? Says he needs another set of hands. One set's always been enough for me, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Know what I mean?"

"Ass," Edward muttered before his eyes flashed to Seth. Seth stood there, his eyes wide as he saw Edward size him up. He looked over at Jake nervously. Jake's eyes were penetrating, blacker than night, as he glared at Seth, daring him to move. Seth swallowed and looked back at Edward.

"Are you coming?" Edward asked him pointedly. His eyes suddenly flashed over to Jake, and he glowered at him icily. "For Bella, not for me," he stated simply. Jake scowled at Edward, opening his mouth as if to say something, but then his face became as stone as Edward's. He looked back at Seth and signaled with a slight of his head that he should go help Edward. Edward looked at me once more momentarily and for a split second, his cold mask slipped, his lips twitched down before he quickly put them back in a straight line. He turned away and walked back to the stock room, Seth trailing slowly behind him.

My heart was beating rapidly; I wanted to leave. I could feel my face burning, and I had nowhere to hide. I looked back up at Jake. His eyes studied me, noting the redness in my cheeks, hearing my racing heart, I was sure. He tilted his head to one side, evaluating my reaction.

"So what do you think?" I asked, anxious to break his questioning gaze. He looked away from me and scanned the room, barely letting his eyes rest on any one spot before moving on to the next. His free hand came up to his face and he rubbed on his chin with his fingers vigorously as he studied the room.

"It's fine Bella. It's fine." But there was no interest in his voice. He turned to face me again. "So when do you think it'll be ready?" he asked with a bit more interest.

Alice moved over to us quickly. "We're moving slightly ahead of schedule. It should be ready right around Bella's graduation," she answered for me. Jake glanced at her quickly as she spoke and then moved his eyes back to me.

"That's perfect. Then we can have our talk, right?" His voice was low and intense. My eyes grew wide, realizing what he meant.

"Yeah Jake. I told you we'd talk then, didn't I?" He nodded his head in response.

I turned to Alice, who was looking between Jake and me curiously, wondering, I was sure what talk Jake meant. She couldn't have missed that, and I wondered if that had been Jake's intent.

Jake and I took another long look around the room, walking from one corner to another, before he took out his cell phone to look at the time.

"Bells I gotta get going. Quil and Embry are watching the garage, and you know what jerks they can be."

"Alright," I nodded my head quickly.

"Yo Seth!" Jake yelled out. "Let's go!"

Seth strolled out with a grin on his face.

"You done playing back there?" Jacob asked, irritated at Seth's apparent giddiness.

"Yo man, that guy's got some skills, no joke! You should see him handle a power saw!"

Emmett almost choked trying to hold in his laugh, and even Rose's lips twitched. Jake on the other hand, gave Seth a look that quickly wiped the grin off his face. I closed my eyes, knowing that poor Seth was in deep trouble once they left this store. I'd have to call him later to make sure he made it home safely.

Jake turned back to me, a serious look still on his face. He glanced around the room quickly and then met my eyes again.

"I'll call you later." He bent down and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"Okay," I answered, feeling my face get hot again. I looked back at Jake, and something about his expression was off. Jake and Seth walked toward the doors.

"Yo Seth, it was seriously great to meet you kid," Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah, you guys too." Seth waved a hand without turning around, looking and sounding more subdued.

As soon as they drove away, Alice bounded over to me. "Well, that could've gone worse, I guess."

I looked at her but didn't answer.

Edward stayed in the back for the rest of the afternoon. Avoiding me, I was sure. But I was glad. I wasn't ready to face him either. Things should've been easier now. He'd accepted Jake wasn't a danger. He'd accepted I could take care of myself. Then why did I feel even worse about facing him now than I had before?

Alice and Rosalie were trying to distract me, I could tell. They kept asking me for my opinion on everything. But I couldn't be distracted. My mind and my eyes kept wandering to the brooding, bronze haired man who was just a few feet away from me, but who might as well have been on another planet.

"Guys, do you mind if I cut out early today? I missed classes this morning and I need to catch up. I've got my first two finals on Friday, and they're biggies." I was anxious to leave. I couldn't take the tension in the air any longer.

As I turned to the door to leave, I felt a cool hand on my shoulder, and without even looking, I knew it was him. Because although the hand touching me was ice cold, the electric shock it sent through me was only ever caused by one man's touch.

"Bella" he breathed into my hair, sending goosebumps up and down my spine. I closed my eyes at the sensation, willing my pulse to slow and preparing myself for whatever I saw when I turned to face him.

I turned to look at him, and his eyes were undeniably sad. "Before you leave, can we talk?" His voice was pleading. I bit my lip nervously, nodding in response. We walked together out of the store, towards my car. I leaned over my car uneasily waiting for him to talk. He looked apprehensive, running his fingers through his hair almost roughly, and I started to worry that this was going to be another repeat of the 'Jacob's dangerous speech'.

"What is it Edward?" I asked finally, unable to take the sight of him looking so distraught.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to apologize about yesterday." His velvety voice was soothing, but it seemed unusually shaky.

"Can we just forget about that please?" I begged. I was still embarrassed and ashamed about yesterday, and I didn't want to rehash the whole incident. "I spoke to Alice this morning and well, I understand where you guys were coming from." I spoke quickly, wanting to make it clear that we didn't need to go there again. "I just don't want to do this whole Jacob thing with you again Edward."

Edward lowered his head, shaking it slowly from side to side. "Trust me, I don't want to do the whole Jacob thing with you either."

"Then what do you want Edward?"

"I…I need to tell you something" he stammered. "I need to make some things clear to you." He looked around the parking lot and frowned. "I just don't know if here in the middle of the parking lot is the right place to do that."

I thought about what both Gabby and Alice told me. That I needed to clear the air with Edward; that to move on I had to get everything out in the open. Was that what this was about then? Did Edward also need to clear the air with me? I still had so many questions about what happened between us four years ago. He left me because he didn't love me anymore, that much I knew. But when exactly did he realize he'd stopped loving me? What was the breaking point? What had he been doing for the past few years? What had distracted him so thoroughly? Why wasn't I enough?

Was Edward finally ready to answer these questions for me?

Did I really want to know the answers to these questions?

Yes, I did, I realized. As much as it would hurt to go through this again, as much as it would tear open the wounds again, I needed more than just 'Bella, you're not good for me'. What did I do wrong? I needed to know exactly what I'd done to make him realize I wasn't good for him.

Was it masochistic of me? Probably.

Was that going to stop me? No. I'd never shied away from pain, I wasn't going to start now.

I'd been too shocked, too hurt to ask the questions in the woods four years ago. But I needed answers. And if Edward was willing to provide them, then I'd risk the pain. Maybe it would finally give me whatever it was that I was lacking, whatever it was that prevented me from being what I needed to be for Jacob.

I looked back at Edward, who seemed to be waiting for my permission to continue. "Yes, Edward, I suppose it is time we cleared a few things up." His face seemed to brighten momentarily. I hesitated. "But you're right, out here in the parking lot probably isn't the best place for it." But that wasn't exactly the truth either. "And to be honest with you, I'm just not up for it tonight Edward." His face seemed to fall now. He was apparently eager to clear the air too. I leaned away from the car quickly and gently put my hand on his stone shoulder. I thought I felt him shudder slightly. My next words came out in a whispered rush. "Just let me get through the next couple of days," I pleaded. "I've got a lot going on in school and I need to stay focused on that." He frowned unhappily, looking down at the ground. _"Please."_ I added.

He quickly brought his eyes back up to meet me, and I saw an intense longing in them. What did he long for? Had he figured out how I still felt about him? Was that why he needed to talk to me, so that he could finally explain to me why things happened the way they did, and I could finally release him? Is that what he was longing for, my release?

I'd give it to him. I'd give him anything he needed to be happy. And if his happiness meant reliving the most painful moment of my life again, then I'd do it. I'd do anything for him.

"Yes. Of course Bella. Whatever's best for you. I'll be ready whenever you give me the word." He was willing to wait for whenever I was ready. But even though I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with this for the next couple of days, I needed something more concrete than just 'whenever you're ready'.

"I'm coming over to your house on Friday. Will that work for you?" I asked hopefully.

His mouth curved into the most perfect crooked grin, and his eyes sparkled in the darkness. "I can wait until Friday."

I smiled back at him -regardless of how nervous our upcoming talk made me- because I could never resist that beautiful crooked smile. "Okay, I'll see you Friday then."

"Promise?" he breathed.

"Yes. I promise."

I turned back to my car and opened the door to get in. "Bella" I heard urgently from behind me. I turned around and Edward was looking at me with the most peculiar expression, his mouth open to say something. He closed it before opening it up again to speak.

"I'll be waiting for you eagerly on Friday." I nodded my head but didn't say anything. "Please drive home carefully," he added. I nodded again before getting in my car.

* * *

**Just want you all to know, my heart broke for Jake as I wrote his part. It has to be killer to know deep inside that you'll always be second best, even if you refuse to admit it to yourself. And he is a good guy people. He doesn't deserve it. That's not to say Bella should stay with him out of pity. That's what makes this so hard now. **

**Go on to the next chapter. It's posted already.**

**And please please please review before you go on! Thanks!**


	20. Chapter 21 Taking Chances

**A/N: Okay, here's what you've all been waiting for. Read. We'll talk at the end.**

**Thanks to my Betas, Danna0724 and ADGroovy. These two chapters were as hard edit as they were to write.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Taking Chances **

_I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you. And I need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new. I loved you with a fire red –now it's turning blue, and you say "sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you, but I'm afraid it's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late. __**–Apologize, One Republic**_

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;  
Doubt that the sun doth move;  
Doubt truth to be a liar;  
But never doubt I love._ -**Hamlet,** **Shakespeare**

**Bella's POV**

I felt strangely at ease as I drove down the wooded road leading to the Cullen house on Friday afternoon. It had been a long two days, and I hadn't gotten much rest, between studying for my finals, keeping up with the house and Charlie, keeping up with Jake. I still felt guilty for how I'd acted last weekend and how little time I'd been spending with Jake lately, so I'd made it a point to at least speak to him on a regular basis for the past couple of days, even though I hadn't had a chance to see him since Wednesday afternoon. I could tell he wasn't too happy about me coming to the Cullens today instead of going to see him. But we'd talked about me cutting out of the store early tomorrow and going to a movie in Port Angeles with him, and that seemed to have appeased him.

In truth, I hadn't seen much of anyone since Wednesday night. Other than going to classes, I'd been pretty much holed up in my room studying for today's finals for the past 36 hours. Alice had called me a couple of times, and I'd seen Gabby in school, but that had been the extent of my socialization. But I felt relieved now. Two of my hardest classes were now forever behind me, freeing up my schedule a bit, the store was moving along nicely, and I was on my way to see the Cullens, to see…Edward.

For many reasons, I shouldn't have been looking forward to seeing Edward so much. For one thing, I knew my impending talk with him today had the potential to set my sanity back a few years. But one way or the other, I was getting answers today. One way or the other, Edward and I were going to clear things up. And as long as he was willing to at least be my friend, I could live with it. As long as he didn't want to take his friendship away from me too, I would survive, as I had for the past few years. The idea of he and I not being at least friends was agonizing.

So I was hopeful -as I navigated my way down the winding green roads- that today would somehow bring some kind of peace back into my life. As I neared the turn that would lead me to the Cullen's property, I quickly glanced down at myself, taking one hand off the wheel to smooth down the navy blue baby doll blouse and pat away any dust on the cream slacks that Alice had left out for me on my bed this afternoon (I reminded myself to talk to her about this new habit; I wasn't sure if it was something I could deal with beyond just this summer). I put my hand up to my hair to pat down the matching blue rhinestone headband and stole a quick glance in the rearview mirror. My cheeks were warm and red, and I realized I was actually more concerned than usual today about my appearance. Was it because Alice had warned me they'd be having company, or was it because of the bronze-haired angel that was waiting for me? I was sure I knew the answer to that one, but I refused to acknowledge it to myself, forcing my mind to wander somewhere else quickly.

And I knew that he was waiting for me. He'd sent me another quick text message while I'd stopped at my house to change this afternoon, after returning from Port Angeles.

ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY YET?

I hadn't been able to suppress the large smile that had taken over my face when I'd pulled the cell phone out of my bag and seen his message. I'd typed back quickly.

BE ON MY WAY SOON. DEBATING WHETHER TO WEAR ALICE'S PICKS FOR THE DAY OR BRAVE HER WRATH.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER IF YOU'D LIKE. DON'T DEBATE FOR TOO LONG, YOU'LL LOOK LOVELY EITHER WAY. I'LL BE WAITING.

A chill had run up my spine as I'd read that last message, and for some reason, Gabby's words from the other night came back to me then:

'_And why would he want to do that, if he wasn't in love with you?'_

Why would he be waiting for me?

My mind jumped on me quickly._ 'Because he wants to get this talk over with dummy! That's it and nothing more!'_ "Yeah, you're right. You're right," I reminded myself out loud in an apologetic tone. _'Don't read into things Bella'_ I chided myself. _'Remember what's real and what's not.'_

It was in this mindset then, that I climbed out of my car on this still unusually warm Friday afternoon. Hopeful for some sort of peace, but aware of what my reality was. Friendship hopefully, but nothing more. My heart ached for a second as it processed the words, but my mind reminded it that this was the best we could ever hope for, all we could ever expect.

As I approached the doorway, I noticed the silver Jaguar sitting on the driveway. _'This must be the Denali clan's car'_ I thought to myself. I wondered when they'd finally arrived, as Alice hadn't mentioned them again since Wednesday morning. For some reason, even though I'd never met the three sisters and even though I knew I had nothing to fear from them –they were all vegetarians like the Cullens – I suddenly felt nervous about meeting them. Before I could think about it any further, the front door opened and out stepped Esme, as beautiful and gentle looking as ever.

"Bella sweetheart, I'm so glad you finally made it. We've been missing you." She pulled me into a strong embrace, which I returned eagerly. She pulled away to look at me and smiled, but for some reason, I thought I detected a nervous edge in her eyes, and she sighed quietly before taking my hand and leading me inside.

"Bella's here," she announced in a low voice as we walked in – there was no need to raise her voice. It was an announcement, but for some reason, it also sounded somewhat like a warning.

Alice suddenly appeared before me, looking happy to see me, yet annoyed for some reason. "Bella," she smiled pleasantly, hooking her arm through mine. "You look beautiful!" she announced with more enthusiasm than I thought the occasion merited. After all, I was only wearing slacks and a shirt, not an evening gown.

"Thanks," I murmured with some confusion.

"Bella, let's go out to the back yard." Esme spoke quickly, glancing up the stairs for a fraction of a second before turning her golden eyes back to me. She took my other arm, the one Alice wasn't hanging on and continued. "We're sort of having an impromptu barbecue. We've got some company as Alice has explained to you, and we figured we'd turn it into a little party."

"A barbecue?" I questioned with a chuckle, "What's on the grill? Hot dogs, burgers, and, oh yeah, lions and tigers and bears oh my?!" Neither woman laughed, offering me only tight smiles. Well I'd thought it was funny. I stood still, waiting for them to explain the whole barbecue thing to me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the top of the staircase, and I instinctively looked up, only to see Edward come to stand by the banister. He looked beautiful, his bronze hair tousled carelessly, his golden eyes gleaming down at me expectantly, and his glorious crooked smile gracing his ruby red lips. I smiled up at him impulsively, without conscious thought, unable to repress the jump in my heart-rate whenever he looked at me like that. I was aware that I probably looked like such a fool, gazing at him so shamelessly, that I probably wore my heart on my sleeve, but there was just nothing I could do about it.

"Edward" I mouthed, and then my smile faltered momentarily, because as I stared up at him, I saw another figure approach behind him, and a pale delicate hand rise and land softly on his shoulder.

Curiously, I thought I heard a very un-ladylike word escape from Alice's lips, but I couldn't even focus on that, because one of the most gorgeous creatures I'd ever laid eyes on was standing gracefully next to Edward. Her hand rested gently on him, as they both continued to look down at me. My eyes scanned her unwillingly. She was tall, probably 6 feet, and exquisite. Her strawberry blonde curls reached her waist, and her lips were full and pouty. She had the figure of a runway model, lean and feline. She was absolutely stunning.

She suddenly tilted her head to the side, giving me a curious look and quickly moved her eyes to Edward. Edward looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, his mouth now set in a straight line. I thought I saw him give one quick nod, but I couldn't be sure.

"Edward, Bella's here," Esme announced again, as if that fact weren't plainly obvious by now. In an instant, Edward was beside me.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're here." His voice sounded sincere, his eyes looked anxious, but I could barely concentrate on any of it. The strawberry blonde had appeared at Edward's side once again, her hand once again on his shoulder. I suddenly found myself fighting an urge to bite it off.

"So you're Bella!" she announced in a voice almost as melodic as Alice's. I detected a slight accent, but I couldn't quite place it.

"Um, yes, " was all I could manage. She looked at me as if she were expecting more. _'So much for four years of college,'_ I thought.

She looked to Edward as if waiting for him to say something. He kept his eyes on me but said nothing. She then looked to Esme and Alice. Esme's eyes were fixed beyond the living room and Alice rolled her eyes dramatically and turned her face to the wall.

"I am Tanya" she introduced herself. "A very old and close friend of the Cullens." She looked intently at Edward as she said that.

"Nice to meet you," I managed to squeak out. My voice sounded small and plain compared to hers.

Esme jumped in now. "Bella, Tanya and her sisters are very old relations of ours. Cousins, you can say." She stressed the word cousins. Tanya laughed pleasantly at Esme's description. Her laughter would have put the sweetest nightingale to shame.

"I have heard a lot about you Bella." Her tone was friendly, yet I thought I detected something else in there.

"Oh." I didn't know what I was expected to say to that.

Tanya laughed her nightingale laugh again. "Not much of a talker is she?" She looked at Edward intently, giving his shoulder a squeeze. My eyes went to her hand for a moment before I forcefully made myself look away. Edward's sigh brought my eyes back to his.

"She does have a gift for keeping us guessing what's on her mind," he stated. I still couldn't speak. I just stared back at him, hoping he couldn't read the confusion in my eyes.

"Bella, why don't we go outside?" His voice was velvety smooth. He put his hand on my shoulder now to guide me, and Strawberry Blonde's hand fell quickly to her side. I walked with him slowly, trying to process what was going on, and concentrating on not tripping along the way. I didn't want to hear Strawberry Blonde's chiming laughter at my expense.

We reached the clearing in the back, and I saw the rest of the Cullens were already assembled out here, along with two other beautiful women, although neither held a candle to Tanya. They were all seated at a large patio table, talking happily and enjoying the unusually warm Forks weather, as well as the temporary stay of rain. True to Esme's statement, there was a grill on to the side, Emmett manning it. He wore a huge white chef's hat, and an apron that said "Kiss the Cook", with a not-so-nice picture of a derriere on it. He waved to me enthusiastically when he saw me, and I was relieved to see that there were only burgers and hot dogs on the grill.

"Just for you Busy Izzy," he called out, giving me a wink.

Edward began the introductions. "Bella, this is Kate" –a tall pale woman with straight caramel hair smiled up at me pleasantly, I smiled back "and Irina" – also tall and beautiful, with light blonde hair.

"It's great to finally meet you," Kate said.

"Yes, we've heard so much about you," Irina added, with a smile in Edward's direction.

"It's nice to meet both of you too." I tried pleasantly. These two appeared to be more genuine than Strawberry Blonde.

Carlisle stood up to give me a warm hug, and Jasper called out from the end of the table, "Hey Jelly Belly." I laughed nervously, self-conscious of how plain it sounded, and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Hey Bella, it's about time you got here!" Rosalie admonished me from the other end. "Edward's been going stir crazy for over an hour now. I was getting ready to give him a swift kick in the ass to calm him down already."

I looked over at her and frowned, confused by her statement, but she just winked at me and sneered at Edward. I could see Tanya watching her out of the corner of my eye and Rosalie looked at her defiantly. I could immediately tell there was no love lost between the two women. I guessed Rosalie's statement could have been as much to irk Strawberry Blonde as to irk Edward.

"Sit down and tell us about yourself," Kate encouraged, motioning to a chair beside her. Edward led me to the chair and pulled it out for me, pulling out another one to sit next to me. Tanya followed us and pulled up another chair at Edward's other side.

"The Cullens here tell us you're graduating college next week. That must be really exciting. They didn't have universities when I was human, so I never got to experience that." Kate continued with a slight tinge of melancholy.

"Yes, but we have experienced so much more!" Irina added in a conspiratorial tone, and all three women laughed slyly. I begrudgingly admitted it sounded like the choirs of heaven singing.

"What my sisters mean Bella, is that we like to f-" Tanya began, as if she were about to let me in on a little family secret.

Edward cut in. "Bella doesn't need to know exactly what that meant Tanya." His voice was even but direct.

Tanya chuckled and put her hand back on Edward's shoulder. I wondered if a hacksaw would be able to do the job my teeth definitely wouldn't be up for. "Oh Edward," she chimed in a smooth voice, "always such a gentleman."

"Um…" I began awkwardly, my eyes still on Strawberry's hand on Edward's shoulder. I shook my head quickly and looked away, focusing on Kate, the one with the friendliest face. "I actually had a couple of my finals today. I'll be done with all my classes by early next week, and then I can focus more on the bookstore," I finished meekly.

"Yes. Edward was telling us you're opening up a bookstore." Kate answered kindly. "He says it is really something."

"Well, he and the rest of the family" –I moved my eyes to the rest of the Cullens at the table- "have really done all the work."

"That's not true," Edward disagreed quickly, looking at me with a crooked smile on his face. Tanya watched him intently. "You're the one who put in the real work for that."

"Edward's right," Carlisle agreed before I could say anything. "The others here may have put in some of the physical work, but it's your courage and determination that will bring that store to fruition."

Tanya interrupted the tender moment. "Well, what other interests do you have Bella? Any plans on traveling after graduation?"

"Uh, no. Not really. I guess I'll be too busy with the store and with-" I was about to say Jake, but I stopped myself. I looked over at Edward quickly, and he had his eyes narrowed at me. I wondered if he'd guessed what I was about to say. "I'd like to travel someday, but I guess it'll have to wait for now."

"Well, you shouldn't wait too long," Tanya continued. "Take it from all of us, there is so much to see and do out there, specially while you're still young," she added.

"Yes. Yes there is," Irina agreed quickly.

"I mean, even our little Edward here," Strawberry suggested with another squeeze of the shoulder. –Hmm…I wondered. A chainsaw maybe?- "He's very well traveled, aren't you?" She smiled at him sweetly, batting her long beautiful eyelashes. Edward shrugged his shoulders without looking at her. "Don't be so modest darling," she continued with that slightly mysterious accent of hers. - _Darling?!_ - "I mean, weren't you in Rio just a few years ago?"

Edward's eyes widened and quickly shot to me. I was sure the shock was clearly written all over my face. I felt the familiar red burn on my cheeks.

"Well, weren't you Edward?" Tanya insisted. Edward looked away from me and nodded his head quickly.

"When was that? March of 2006 right? Carnival time!" she finished excitedly.

"Ooh, I love Carnival!" Irina agreed.

"And of course, he's been up to Denali dozens of times. It's absolutely beautiful up there!" Tanya went on. Edward lowered his head without saying anything. "Plenty to entertain yourself with up there, isn't there Edward darling?"

"We certainly keep ourselves entertained, don't we?" Irina laughed.

"Girls, stop." Kate admonished. "You're making poor Bella blush. She's obviously a smart girl and gets your silly innuendos."

"Well, I didn't mean Edward-" Tanya began.

"I don't like the cold" I said suddenly. I didn't know why, they were just the first words to pop out of my mouth. I felt like my mouth and my mind were suddenly disconnected. My mind was working at figuring something else out at the moment.

March 2006. March 2006.

The date kept circling around in my head. Why? What was so important about that time period? Edward had apparently been off distracting himself completely at Carnival. A party full of fun and laughter, half-naked women. All sorts of entertainment. What did that have to do with me?

March 2006

What had I been doing during that time?

March 2006

Hunted by Victoria.

March 2006

Edward had been off at Carnival while I was here being hunted by Victoria.

I felt the tears prickling my eyes. I bit the inside of my lip to try to keep them at bay.

I glanced up at Alice and she was staring at me worriedly. Rose, sitting next to her, was glaring at Tanya like she was ready to tear her head off.

"Bella," Edward began, but I heard my name called from somewhere else at that same moment.

"Bella!" Emmett hollered. I looked over at him and he was signaling for me. I took a deep breath before speaking. "Excuse me everyone, Emmett's calling me," I stated, getting up without looking at anyone directly. As I walked away I could hear Strawberry's voice behind me, still droning on and on.

Emmett held a plate out to me when I reached him. He'd placed a huge burger and hot dog on it, with all the fixings.

"I'm not hungry Emmett." My voice sounded so pitiful.

"Bella. Eat." he insisted.

"I can't," I pleaded. I knew if I ate anything right now, I'd end up puking it all up in front of everyone. I didn't want to look like a bigger fool than I probably already did.

Emmett looked at me sadly, putting the plate down beside the grill. "Bella, there's an explanation for everything."

I shook my head. "I don't…" but I couldn't finish my sentence. Because I didn't know how to finish it, and because I knew that no matter how low I spoke, everyone in the immediate two-mile radius would hear every word I said.

"Just…let him explain okay?" Emmett asked. I looked at him but said nothing. What was I supposed to let Edward explain? Why he left in the first place? Why there was a blonde hanging on him that apparently knew so much more about what he'd been doing for the past few years than I did? Why said blonde appeared to have some sort of claim to him? Why he'd never mentioned her in the time he'd been back? Why he'd found it necessary to travel the world? None of it was my business anyway. As much as I wanted to know all this, he didn't owe me an explanation, and I didn't want him to think he did. And as much as it was killing me to see him with Tanya, I had no right to ask anything. He owed me no explanations. As much as it tore at me to know that while I'd been hunted by a crazy sadistic vampire he was off partying half-way around the world, I had to remind myself that he didn't know what was happening, and that again, his life was none of my business.

"He doesn't…need to. It's none of my business." I knew Edward would hear, and I wanted him to know that I wasn't expecting any explanations from him. As a matter of fact, my short time here tonight had already served to answer so many of the questions I'd arrived with. I wasn't even sure if our talk was necessary anymore. At any rate, it didn't look like Strawberry Blonde would be giving him up long enough tonight for he and I to have that talk anyway.

I put both of my hands up to either side of my head, rubbing my temples hard. I could feel a bad migraine coming on. I closed my eyes, trying to decide what to do next, how to get myself out of this without looking like a bigger idiot.

The velvet voice behind me took me by surprise, and I jumped.

"Bella"

I turned around. Edward was standing in front of me. He'd apparently extricated himself somehow from Strawberry. I wondered if he'd had to use the jaws of life. His face was agonized, his eyes pleading and worried.

"Are you okay?" The concern in his voice left a fissure in my heart, because he had no right to sound so concerned with Strawberry sitting just a few feet away, watching us even now as we spoke.

I saw my chance to escape this humiliating situation.

"No. I've got a really bad headache actually. It started on my way over here." I didn't want him to think it was caused by having to watch him with Strawberry, or by the little bits of information I'd just found out. "I think I'd better leave." I turned to say bye to Emmett, but he just looked at me and shook his head. What did he want from me? Was he looking forward to watching me make a fool of myself? I didn't think even Emmett's sense of humor was that sick. I started to walk away but Edward followed me.

"You promised me we'd talk today" he reminded me as he walked behind me.

"Not today Edward," I answered. I walked quickly, anxious to get back to the safety of my car and away from here, and although I couldn't hear Edward behind me, I could _feel _him. Why couldn't he just let me go, I wondered miserably? Why did he insist on making this even more painful and embarrassing for me?

I kept walking without looking back. "Please say goodbye to the rest of your family for me, and to your…other relations." I was taking the long way back to my car, avoiding having to walk back towards the patio table. A load roar of thunder announced the return of the rain, the clouds quickly darkening the Forks sky. Twilight reached the Cullen property at the same moment that I reached my car.

"Bella, you promised" Edward whispered as I opened my door. "I've been waiting to talk to you. I _need_ to talk to you," he pleaded.

I turned around to face him and the look of desperation on his face pierced right through me. It was too much, and I wasn't strong enough for this.

I struggled to keep my voice even. "I wanted to talk to you too Edward, but I don't think we need to do that anymore."

He frowned and his eyes grew darker. "Why not?"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples again. My head felt like it was about to explode. I answered him with my eyes still closed. "Because you've already answered all my questions." I opened my eyes and looked into his confused ones. "We don't need to do this anymore." I turned back to my car just as the first few drops of cold rain landed on my slumped shoulders.

"_I_ still need to do this Bella. _I_ still have things I need to say to you."

I wheeled around on him. I couldn't bear this anymore. This confusion, this cryptic talk, these hidden meanings. It was more than I could bear.

"What do you have to say to me Edward? What? Are you going to finally tell me why you left four years ago? I know already. Because I wasn't good enough. And now I know why I wasn't good enough. And I know what your distractions were. And between Rio and Denali, I've got a pretty clear picture of what you've been doing for the past few years." The tears were right on the edge of my eyes now.

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, and truthfully, I felt like maybe I finally had.

"What are you talking about?" he asked in a bewildered tone, as if he truly couldn't understand what I was saying.

I looked up at the now blackened sky, the heavy raindrops that were beginning to lick at my face helped to disguise the rogue tears that had managed to break free. I looked back at Edward. "How could I ever compare Edward? How could I ever compare to that?" I motioned towards the back yard. "Of course I couldn't measure up." There was no recrimination in my voice, only acknowledgement of an obvious fact.

"Bella-" he began, but I cut him off.

"I understand Edward. I really do. I _knew_. I always knew I wasn't good enough for you. And I see why you needed your distractions-" It was his turn to cut me off now.

"Bella, I don't know what you're thinking, but I swear to you, there is no one in there you need to compare yourself to. There is no one _anywhere_ you _ever_ need to compare yourself to! Please let me explain." His voice pleaded for me to listen, but I wasn't ready to stop.

"You don't need to explain anything to me Edward. It's none of my business. None of it is any of my business!"

"_Everything_ about me is your business Bella! I _need _to explain everything to you!"

"No!" I shouted forcefully, putting my head down so he couldn't see the tears rolling down my cheeks. He gently put a thumb under my chin and brought my face back up to meet his.

"Why not?" He looked so lost, so despondent standing there. His shirt was soaked through now from the heavy rain. His hair looked black, and it stuck to his forehead in places. The drops that had fallen on his face gave him the illusion of tears rolling down his golden eyes. Yet with all of that, his beauty was undeniable.

"Because I don't blame you for leaving Edward. How could I? When you could have someone like that, when you could travel the world, when you could party it up in Rio and anywhere else? Why would you have stayed here with me? Why would you have traded all that for a small town and a plain human girl? I wasn't blind. I saw the difference between you and me, and I knew you loving me never made sense. So I understand why it had to end." My tears flowed down my face uncontrollably now, unable to be hidden by the rain anymore.

Edward raised his arms in an effort to wrap them around me, but I pushed him away, and thankfully, he let me. Because I knew that once I felt his arms around me, it would completely break me when he eventually let go, as I knew he would.

"Bella, please just stop and listen to me," he insisted. He was breathing hard now. The rain fell on his lips and he used the back of his hand to wipe it away. "It wasn't like that. I didn't want or need any of that! I-"

But I wasn't listening. I'd been holding all this in for too long. Since the day he came back. Since the day he left in the first place.

"But it still hurt Edward!" I clutched at my chest, unable to hide my pain from him anymore. My words were a garbled mess as I tried to speak through my tears. My soaked hair clung coldly to my face and I swiped it away roughly. "Even though I understood, it still _hurt_. It hurt so much I wanted to tear my heart out!" I pulled viciously on my soaked blouse, where my heart once was. "And I _tried_ Edward! I _swear_ I tried to move on."

"Bella, the things I said-"

"But _I_ wasn't ready!" I yelled as the thunder roared above us. That was what all this boiled down to. Even though Edward had been ready to move on, even though he'd grown tired of me and had been ready for bigger and better distractions, _I_ hadn't been ready. I'd _never_ be ready, and the pain of that unwanted separation would always haunt me, I realized that now. Alice and Gabby were wrong; there would be no closure, no release. Not for me anyway. But if clearing the air somehow helped Edward, then I'd suffer it gladly.

"I wasn't ready to let go Edward! It wasn't over for me! I didn't want or need a clean break! I didn't want or need to be human! I loved _you_! I needed _you_!" I was falling apart, but I couldn't stop. "I still…" My sobs overtook me, and I couldn't go on; it was too hard. I looked away from him, sobbing uncontrollably.

Edward grabbed my shoulders desperately. "Bella look at me!" he begged. "Please, please look at me." I forced myself to look at him, knowing the rejection I would find in his eyes, knowing there would be nothing but pity and guilt there, and knowing that look would be the final nail in my coffin.

Lightning illuminated the onyx sky for a split second, helping me see Edward's eyes clearly, like a flashlight shining directly into his angelic face.

The look in his eyes took my breath away, and I gasped in shock. His eyes were tormented, yes. But there was no pity there. His eyes were full of…longing.

"You still what Bella?" he asked wildly, as if our very lives hung on the balance. His hands moved to either side of my face, cradling it gently yet intently as he pulled it closer to his. "You still what?" His voice broke. His eyes were wild and frenzied now, black as coal. His body shook in anticipation.

But he couldn't have anticipated what happened then. Because then I recognized something that had been in his eyes since the day he'd first come back to Forks. Something that had been so hard for me to read then, and I'd been too scared to try. But now I saw that…he was looking at me the same way he used to look at me before…before the day in the woods. When he'd still loved me. When he'd still wanted me…

Without stopping to examine what exactly that meant, I threw my arms around him at the same moment that he pulled my face to his, and our lips crashed together frantically.

The entire universe melted away.

The shot of adrenaline that soared through my body in that instant momentarily shocked me. But in that instant, all doubt, all confusion, all pain left my body, until all that existed was Edward.

Edward and me.

Here.

In each other's arms again.

Finally.

My lips remembered his perfectly, with a recall that completely belied how long it had been since our lips met each other, since our bodies had been this close, in this way. They molded and wrapped themselves around his perfect marble ones, and he responded to me hungrily, drinking me in like a dying man being given water after an ageless drought.

"Bella" he murmured roughly into my mouth, and I pulled him closer to me. His hands went to the nape of my neck, and he wound one hand around my hair. My hands reached up into his hair and I tugged on it almost frantically, afraid of the moment when he'd pull away from me, as he always did when he realized the passion that consumed me.

It didn't take me long to realize Edward wasn't pulling away, he was pulling me in impossibly closer, until I no longer knew where my body ended and his began.

My wild and crazed pulling and tugging elicited a deep, feral moan from Edward's lips, which only served to increase our frenzy. My lips continued to pull on his, as he was doing to me, but I was momentarily shocked to feel his sweet, cool tongue graze my bottom lip.

That was all it took to embolden me.

My tongue shot out unthinking, and I was once again shocked when it was finally, mercifully allowed entrance into his intoxicatingly sweet mouth, and I tasted what I'd never been allowed to taste before.

And Dear God, it was the most deliciously mind-blowing taste I'd ever experienced in my life.

It was honey and sugar and velvet and nectar and soft clouds and singing birds all wrapped into one heavenly flavor. It was like nothing that existed here on Earth. I heard another deeper, more savage moan, but by now I was too far gone to even care when I realized it had come from me this time.

'_This is miles beyond warmth'_ my body told me. _'This is __**fire.**__ This is explosions. This is a scorching blaze ignited throughout every crevice in my body. This is dynamite. This is heaven and hell and everything in between and everything that's ever been and everything that ever will be. This is me and Edward, and this is all I'll ever want, all I'll ever __**need'.**_

This kiss was so different from the tender, chaste kisses of our past I remembered. This kiss was all need, all passion. This was the kiss I'd never allowed myself to dream of with Edward. It was as if with this kiss we were both bringing each other back to life, resuscitating each other after the brink of death.

And somewhere deep inside of me, deep in a place where I wouldn't let myself go yet, I knew all this desperation on both sides, not just me, meant something. I knew this fire I hadn't felt in so long, this burning I'd _never_ felt, meant so much more than I could focus on right now. But this minute, this moment, I would only think of me and Edward here, and the feel of our lips and bodies entwined together. I wouldn't let myself think of anything or _anyone_ else. I was lost. Lost in Edward, and I didn't care if I ever found my way out.

But being a mere human, I eventually had to loosen my hold on his lips and come up for air. When I did, Edward's lips traveled momentarily to the sides of my face, trailing open mouthed, heated kisses to my neck as I held on tightly to his neck, fighting to keep myself from passing out. His arms traveled down my sides, down to my waist, and he squeezed me gently. His lips found my ear and softly yet firmly sucked on my lobe.

"Oh God Bella," he whispered hoarsely into my ear. The passion in his voice fueled my own fervor, and I quickly grabbed his face and led his lips back to mine, greedy for more. Our lips picked back up at the same place, never losing rhythm. My hands went back around his neck, tugging at the hair at the nape. My tongue darted back out and he once again allowed me entrance, his own tongue met mine half-way. I moaned uncontrollably again, and I heard him do the same.

"Bella, I can't believe…" he trailed off, too consumed in our kiss to finish his sentence.

"Edward," I whispered, coming up for a necessary breath of air again. The thrill of his name on my lips sent a pleasant shiver down my spine, and I felt Edward's body shudder next to me. "Edward," I repeated. It was all I could say for now. There was so much more I wanted to say, but for now, talk would have to wait.

But then I heard words coming from Edward's lips, as he once again let me up for air, trailing his mouth down to my neck and back up to my ear. His voice was a choked whisper.

"Oh God I love you Bella! How I love you! I've always loved you and I will always love you, until the end of existence and beyond!"

I froze.

My hands instantly stopped their ministrations on Edward's hair. My eyes popped open in shock. It took him less than half a second to note the change in me, and he quickly brought his face back up to meet mine. His golden eyes were dark with passion, with desire, and no where on his angelic face could I see a denial to the words he'd just spoken with such intensity in my ear.

"What?" I asked in confusion, my breathing coming in long and hard pants. I was positive that in the heat of the moment I'd heard wrong, or misunderstood.

His hands cradled my face again as he stared at me intently. "I love you Bella. I've always loved you and I will always love you!" His lips came back down to mine. But this time, I didn't respond. He immediately brought his head back up, gazing at me questioningly.

My eyebrows narrowed in confusion, unable to process the words he'd just spoken. _'He loves me'_ my heart and my mind told me. It was a statement I couldn't deny. The way he was looking at me, the way I realized he'd been looking at me since he'd returned confirmed that statement.

But what else had he just said?

And what did it mean that he'd been looking at me that way since he returned?

He'd _always_ loved me?

"What do you mean…?" I began slowly, trying to understand at the same time that I asked the question. "What do you mean you've…always…loved me?"

Edward's face immediately took on a pained expression, guilt coloring his features. His words came out in an intense, rushed whisper.

"What I said to you that day in the woods Bella, that was all a lie. The worst kind of lie imaginable. I never stopped loving you. You have been my life since the day you first walked into that Biology class. How could you ever have believed that you weren't good enough for me? How could you have ever believed I didn't want you?" His tone was incredulous, as if he really couldn't fathom how I could have ever entertained these ridiculous notions.

I furrowed my forehead in confusion. I was hearing the words he was saying, but my mind was working extremely slowly at processing their meaning. I brought a hand up to my mouth, touching my lips with two fingers. They felt hot and swollen, as if I'd been holding a piece of ice to them for several minutes. I looked up at the pitch black sky. The rain continued to fall, the lightning still lighting up the sky at regular intervals, but the thunder had moved away. The fading sound made me think of pounding drums, like those at one of those medieval executions. I looked unseeingly towards the big white mansion in front of me. My hands moved to his arms, which were still cradling my face.

"Because you told me," I answered after a few moments of silence. My voice was monotone; there was no accusation in it. I'd believed it because he'd said it, plain and simple. "Because you told me I wasn't good for you and that you didn't want me anymore. Because your actions those last few days before you left proved your words, and your eyes that night confirmed that what you were saying was true. And because it made perfect sense." I brought my eyes back to meet Edward's. His features had taken on an extremely regretful look. "Your moving on made perfect sense, as much as it killed me." My eyes closed momentarily on the last statement, flinching slightly from the recalled pain. I felt Edward stiffen beside me.

"What about the thousands of times I told you I loved you?" Edward whispered, gazing deep into my eyes. His thumbs caressed my cheeks. "What about the thousands of times I held you in my arms and told you, you were my life? How could you let one lie erase all of that?" His voice was not as even as mine. He sounded reprimanding, and somehow I thought I detected a note of accusation, admonishing me for buying the lie which he sold so perfectly. He brought one hand to my chin, bringing my eyes back to him. "How could you let your faith in me be broken so easily?" he murmured.

I stared at him, blinking my eyes successively to clear my head. He was telling me he loved me, that he'd always loved me. That for some reason he'd lied to me that day in the woods. And…and that I shouldn't have believed him? That because he'd told me over and over before that day that he loved me I should've ignored his actions those last few days? I shouldn't have believed the hard, unfeeling eyes that looked down on me that day? I shouldn't have believed the cold, merciless words he uttered without any sign of regret? I should've known somehow? Even though he saw me breaking, even though he stood their stoically and unemotional watching me die on the inside before running from me, I should've known better?

I brought my hands up to his, grabbing them tightly. Edward smiled momentarily, an angel's smile that pierced my heart. But when I pulled his hands off of my face, his smile faltered.

"So easily?" I repeated incredulously. "So easily?" I asked again. My voice was shaking now. "What else was I supposed to believe? You said it _and_ you showed it to me! You _didn't_ love me anymore! I saw it in your eyes! I heard it in your voice! Now you're saying you _lied?_ Why would you…how could…I don't understand!" My voice was hoarse with emotion. "What are you saying? Why would you lie?"

Edward's eyes were getting desperate. He searched my eyes frantically for understanding. His words now came in a heated rush. "Bella love, please listen to me. I had to do it. I had to lie to you. It was the only way you'd let me go. I could see that. You wouldn't have let go any other way, so I had to make you believe I didn't want you anymore. It killed me Bella, but I had to do it. I thought it was the only way."

I brought my hands up to my head, running my fingers roughly through my wet, tangled locks in utter frustration. I kept my hands up there, closing my eyes once again. I didn't open them as I spoke again. I puckered my eyebrows tightly in complete exasperation.

"It killed _you_?" I echoed. I thought I heard a pained grunt at my words. "Why would it have killed you? You left voluntarily. You weren't the one left behind!" But then I thought about what he'd said, that he'd still loved me when he left. I opened my eyes again and glared at him questioningly.

"Why did you leave? Why did you lie?" My voice was strangled; the tears threatening to make a return.

Edward brought his hands back up to my shoulders, squeezing them pleadingly. "Bella, don't you remember? Don't you remember what happened?" he asked breathlessly, as if that should've made everything clearer to me.

"I remember everything!" I answered, and as I did, I forced myself to look back; to replay everything that happened as if watching a video, pausing and fast-forwarding, rewinding and watching every detail of the events that led to the day of Edward's departure from my life. This was nothing new; I'd played this movie in my head thousands of times since the day Edward left, examining every detail from countless angles, trying to determine what I could've done differently, and always coming up with the same conclusion. Nothing. Because nothing I could've ever done would've changed the fact that I didn't deserve him. He'd started realizing it on my birthday and nothing…

And then it hit me. I rewinded the movie reel in my head, pausing and stopping on the night of my birthday. The night I'd cut myself and Jasper had lunged for me. The night Edward's face had changed. The night I thought he'd realized I wasn't worth the trouble…

But what if…? What if that's not what he realized that night? What if…what if that incident had made him realize something else? Edward. Always worried, always protective, always overreacting… What if…?

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" I challenged, my voice no longer a whisper. "TELL ME!"

Edward brought me closer to him, afraid to let me go. His eyes bored into mine, willing me to grasp what he was saying. "Bella, I thought…I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. After what happened on your birthday," he shuddered before continuing. "I could see what keeping you in my world was doing. You were always on the edge of danger. Always because of me." I gasped and brought my hand up to cover my mouth, as the truth of what he was saying finally sunk in. "I realized how selfish I was being, keeping you from the things you should've had," he continued "the things you should've been wishing for, instead of a boyfriend who couldn't even kiss you the way you deserved to be kissed," he hissed, an angry gleam in his eyes, "instead of wishing for a soulless existence beside me. You were so young, so beautiful, so _trusting_. And I'd come into your life and taken advantage of all that. Your youth, your trust. I was a monster and you refused to see that!. A monster that would someday be responsible for your death, one way or the other!" he growled, shaking me slightly. "So I had to leave Bella. It was the only way. The only way I knew to keep you _safe_!"

I closed my eyes shut tight, my hand still at my mouth. I shook my head back and forth furiously, wishing to somehow undo the truth of what I'd just learned. _'Please God. Please tell me this isn't true. Please tell me this is all just another nightmare. Please don't tell me the last four years of heartache were all just a lie; just one big fat lie told with the excuse of protecting me…again.'_

"Oh God!" I moaned, unable to say anything else.

Edward pursed his lips and frowned profoundly. "What was I supposed to do Bella? I couldn't let you continue to endanger yourself to be with me! You wouldn't walk away, so I had to do something!"

My eyes flashed to him angrily now, full of disbelief that the answer to that hadn't been perfectly clear to him. "YOU SHOULD'VE SPOKEN TO ME ABOUT IT!" Edward's head jerked back in surprise, not having expected my outburst. "You should've told me what you were thinking! What you were feeling! Not taken it upon yourself to figure out what was best for me, what was best for _us_. It was my life too!" I cried, my tears rolling down my cheeks again. "If you loved me like you say you did, you should've talked to me! You had no right…" my voice broke "You had no right. I _loved _you!"

Edward pulled me into him then, crushing my body into his tightly. My face was lost in his hard chest, and my arms instinctively went up around his shoulders, but instead of winding around his neck, my elbows planted themselves on his back, my hands still up in the air.

"I'm so sorry Bella!" he cried, his voice breaking. "If I would've known the pain you would suffer, if I would've known the danger I was leaving you in, even with me out of your life, I would've never left. I could've never made myself leave. I only left because I thought you'd be happier and safer in the end. And I'm so sorry. Sorry because I just made things worse, sorry for every tear you ever shed because of me, sorry because I don't know if you could ever forgive me. And even though I know I'll never deserve you or your forgiveness, I can't stop myself from wanting both, from loving you. I'm so sorry!"

I kept silent; listening to his heavy breathing as he held on to me, waiting for my response. I took in a deep breath and my senses were assaulted by the honey and lavender that came off of him, the sweetness of it. So pure. So soothing. I listened with my head on his chest. There was no heartbeat there. As much as Edward talked about love, about pain, there was no heartbeat there. What did that mean? What kind of love was there without a beating heart? What kind of love left you broken? Not for a day, or for weeks, or even for a few months, but for years? I didn't understand that kind of love. Was it beyond my understanding? Was I so unworthy of it that I couldn't grasp it?

I spoke slowly, tiredly. "I don't understand." Edward pulled me away enough so that he could look at me again, his eyes narrowed.

"I left because-" he began, but I cut him off.

"No. That's not what I mean. I understand why you say left. I understand it was your unbearable need to keep me safe. I just don't understand…" my voice trailed off. We were both silent for a few seconds, as we stared into each other's eyes.

"You don't understand what love?" he prompted after a short while.

"It all comes down to the same thing." I answered in a low voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…this need of yours to keep me safe."

"Bella, I can't live in a world where you're not safe!"

"No, Edward. I understand you want to keep me safe. I appreciate it. I accept it, and I get it. But…is it just that Edward? Is that all there is then?"

Edward sighed and pursed his lips, his forehead wrinkled in question. "I thought we went through this the other day," he began. I pulled away from him even more, dropping my arms back down to my sides. His arms pulled away from me but he put his hands out to the car, forming a cage around me.

"Yes, I thought we did too. But it's just this need of yours Edward. This need you have to keep me safe above all else. Above being with me. I don't understand that kind of love Edward. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too selfish to understand that level of love. Because Edward, I could've _never_ left you like that. In a thousand years I could've never made myself walk away from you the way you walked away from me. What does that mean?" Did that mean he loved me more, or that I did? Did that even matter? I couldn't think. I didn't know if any of my thoughts even made any sense at this point.

"Bella-"

"Either way, something was wrong there." I continued my thoughts out loud. "Some deep misconception. Because I don't understand your way of loving, and you obviously didn't understand mine, if you thought I'd get over you so easily."

"Bella, I was wrong. I see that now."

"You see that now Edward?" I asked, trying to keep any hint of accusation out of my tone. I wasn't trying to accuse him of anything. I was just trying to understand. "It took you almost five years to see that?"

"I thought you'd moved on Bella. I thought you were better off without me. That's the only thing that kept me away from you for this long! The only thing that could've kept me away." Abruptly, I thought of something else. A thought that hadn't occurred to me until just now, as Edward told me how sorry he was he'd stayed away so long.

"Would you even have come back?" the disbelief coloring my tone before he'd even responded to the question.

"What?" I'd never seen Edward so confused, so at a loss for words. And the fact that I had to elaborate on everything began to inflame me.

"If Alice hadn't seen me in New York; if I hadn't told her about Jake, would you ever have come back?"

"Bella I…" he exhaled sharply, unable to complete his sentence.

"You wouldn't have, would you?" I finished for him.

"I thought you were happy," he continued weakly.

"Did you ever check?" I asked, biting my lip, fighting to keep my voice even.

"I knew if I ever checked on you it would be too much, so I-"

"So you didn't," I finished again. Edward stared at me intently with his mesmerizing golden orbs, his mouth set in a tight line now. I took a deep breath and forced myself to look into his eyes as I spoke.

"I'm not that girl anymore Edward. You can't dazzle me into forgiving you anything. Even though I would've forgiven you almost anything right now Edward. But not this."

I was up against my car, trapped with nowhere to go, so I pushed him away, knowing the gentleman in him would never let him go against my wishes.

"Not you telling me that the past few years of hell have been for nothing! That the utter agony I felt at being told you didn't want me was a lie. That you purposely tore a hole in my heart with your lies! What kind of a man does that? What kind of a man tramples on the heart of the one he supposedly loves?" He stared at me but didn't try to answer. "I'll tell you what kind of a man. A monster. That's who does that. Not a man, a monster!" I spat, shocked at my own words.

Edward's head snapped back as if I'd slapped him. His eyes grew wide with shock. He froze to the spot he was in, and I once again marveled at how utterly, inhumanly beautiful he really looked.

"You wanted me to see the monster in you Edward? Well I see it clearly now. You wanted me to run and scream. Well here's me running and screaming!" I turned around to get in my car, but he took me by my waist and wheeled me around to face him again.

"Bella, please don't do this!" he implored. "I was a monster, yes. You're right. But _you_ taught me how to be man! Your love showed me that there was still a man inside me. Please give me one more chance to prove to you that I _can_ be that man again. I will be what you need me to be. Just give me a chance to make it up to you. Please, just let me try!" he begged. He sounded as if he'd be crying if he could.

The tears ran down my cheeks unchecked now. My voice was hoarse and my words were garbled by my crying, but I went on, with my head down.

"Make it up to me?" I asked incredulously. "Do you really think you could ever make it up to me? All the empty days and restless nights I've been through because of your lies, because of your lack of faith in our love? I would've forgiven you almost anything. If you'd told me you'd stopped loving me all those years ago, I would've understood. I _did _understand that. It made sense. Why would someone like you love someone like me? That I understood. If you'd told me these weeks back had shown you that you still had feelings for me, I could've accepted that." I looked back up at him, his face was distorted by my tears, but I could see the torture in his eyes, and it made me hate myself, and hating myself made me even angrier, because it reminded me that I should've been hating myself when I was kissing him. That's when I should've felt this guilt.

"But I _can't_ forgive this Edward! I can't forgive the fact that you took it upon yourself to destroy us. That you took our love away without giving me the benefit of the doubt. Without treating me like the equal partner I was supposed to have been in that relationship. I was your girlfriend Edward, I wasn't your child!" I yelled. "You had no right to make such a decision unanimously."

"I'm so sorry Bella. I was so wrong. So unbelievably wrong." His voice was rough with pain.

"That's not enough Edward! It may have been enough if you'd come back a few months later. It may even have been enough if you'd come back a couple of years later. But it's been almost five years Edward! 'I'm sorry I was wrong' just doesn't cut it anymore! You waited too long Edward! You waited too long and I _had_ to move on, just as you'd wanted me too. It was the only way I could survive. You had your distractions. You had your travels, and Rio and Tanya" I waved my hand wildly towards the house "and I…I had Jake." At my words, Edward closed his eyes and a painful moan escaped his lips, except this moan was as full of agony as his previous one had been full of ecstasy. "I have Jake now. And you may have decided that maybe things here in Forks weren't so bad after all, but I can't do that Edward. I can't go back to the way things were. I'm a different person now, I have a different life. Someone's counting on me now. Someone who's placed his trust and love in my hands, and I can't let him down. I can't walk away as easily as you did Edward." I wasn't sure if he could understand me through my tears.

"I only walked away because I thought I was wrong for you, and I thought it was the right thing, the decent thing to do." His voice was a broken whisper, as if he were having a difficult time speaking.

"Well now I have to look at right and wrong Edward, and decide what's the right thing and the decent thing for me to do. I have someone else now who loves me and who depends on me, and I can't just walk away from him now because almost five years later, you've changed your mind." His face was a mask of utter agony at my words.

"Bella, I told you, it wasn't like that!" he repeated vehemently. "I only stayed away for so long because I thought you were completely happy, living the life you were meant to lead before I came along. It was never a matter of me changing my mind, my mind was always on you. There was never a moment when I didn't long for you. I only stayed away to keep you safe!" His eyes begged me to believe him, but I was too wrapped in the pain now.

"Listen to yourself Edward. Do you even believe that yourself?"

"It's the truth! I swear it!" he confirmed.

"Are you sure? Because you say you only cared for my safety, but what about a few minutes ago?" His features set into a grim frown, showing me that he understood what I was talking about. "You say you couldn't kiss me the way I deserved to be kissed. Then what was that before?" His frown deepened. "You let yourself go and you kissed me the way you'd always wanted to but never let yourself before. My safety wasn't your top concern then, yet I was fine. What does that tell you Edward? Maybe if you'd let me take part in other decisions regarding my safety back then, maybe-" But Edward refused to acknowledge this. His eyes were an ocean of apologies.

"That was a…mistake Bella. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away like that. You could've gotten hurt. I apologize."

And that was so not the response I'd wanted. To hear him say that the kiss we'd just shared, that his finally letting his guard down with me and letting me in, that the most significant and satisfying kiss of my life had been nothing but a mistake was like a punch in the stomach. I put both my hands out to the car behind me to steady myself as my already mangled heart dealt with the blow of his continued rejection.

"So it was just a mistake then?" I asked, desperate to give him one more chance to take the words back. He nodded solemnly. I grunted miserably, shaking my head back and forth in disbelief.

"So what am I supposed to do now Edward? What do you want from me now? Should I thank you for caring so much about my safety? You've always been so worried about keeping me safe physically" –I was crying again- "but what about my heart? I trusted you to safeguard my heart, but you never factored that into the parts of me that you had to keep safe!"

"You were supposed to forget me Bella, after a few weeks, a couple of months at the most."

I laughed bitterly. "Well let me tell you, that's not how it worked out." We were both silent for a while, listening to the rain falling on the trees. I watched the moon appear through a break in the clouds. So bright, yet unable to shed enough light on this dreary night.

"I thought I was wrong for you Bella" Edward whispered, breaking the silence. "I thought walking away was the right thing to do." My response was quick.

"Except you didn't walk Edward. You ran!" I lowered my head. "I never had a chance." My voice sounded dead to my ears. I looked back up at him and his eyes shined with the tears he'd never be able to shed. But I was shedding enough for the two of us.

"I thought it was the right thing to do Bella," he repeated, but his voice held no conviction anymore. "I never stopped loving you. I swear that to you. I've thought of you and wanted you every moment I was away. Right and wrong no longer matter to me."

I snorted. "See that's the difference between how both of us viewed our relationship Edward. To you, even now, our love was something wrong, something you had to come to terms with. To me, our love was never a matter of right or wrong. It just was."

Quickly, Edward's hands came back up to my face and he pulled me close. "It just was? Is it over then Bella? Is our love over? Is it really and truly too late for us?" I didn't answer. His words came out in a rush now. "Bella, what were you about to say before? Before we kissed?" I could feel his sweet breath on my face as he spoke, like a soothing caress.

"I was a fool Bella!" he hissed. "I see that now! But if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you no longer love me, that our love is in the past-" his face distorted in pain and he took a deep breath before continuing, "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you never want to see me again, then I'll leave you alone Bella. I won't force my presence upon you. All I care about is your happiness. And if you can be happy without me, then I'll have to live with that. Just finish what you were about to say before! You still _what _Bella?"

I tried to look away from him, but he held on to me firmly. "No Edward!" I refused his plea. "There's no point in me finishing that. It didn't matter that day in the woods, and it doesn't matter now. It would only make things harder."

"It has always mattered!" His eyes were fierce. He spoke with new resolve now.

"Alright then, look at me and tell me you don't still feel this overwhelming pull!" His hands went to the back of my neck, gripping me tightly. "Tell me you don't feel the charge between us when we touch. Tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me to disappear and I will."

I was quiet for a few seconds. "I can't do that either," I admitted weakly.

Edward searched my eyes, looking for answers I didn't yet have. "So where do we go from here Bella? What exactly are you telling me?" I'd never seen Edward look so disconcerted, so confused.

I took a deep breath before answering, looking right into his eyes.

"I'm telling you that this isn't just about you and me anymore Edward. I made a commitment to someone else, and I can't just break that now because you and I…because you and I have no idea where we fit in each other's lives now…" I trailed off, not knowing how to finish. "Jacob was there for me when I needed him. And I can't do this to him Edward. It's too late." Edward let out an agonized moan.

"So you stay with him out of obligation?"

"No Edward. It's not just obligation. It's not. I was broken when you left. I was a damaged, empty shell and he put me back together. He was willing to stick around and help me come back to life, and for that, I love him." Edward looked up at the sky as if trying to hold back tears. I brought my hands up to his and gently loosened them from me. We both stood there for what seemed like hours, not knowing what else to say.

"I have to go," I finally said, turning back to my car, but before I made it in I felt Edward's hands around my waist again. He turned me back to face him.

"Bella, I can't give up." His eyes burned with the truth of his words. I closed my eyes, unable to suppress a choking sob.

"If you'd told me you didn't want me," he continued, "if you'd told me Jacob was all you wanted now, then I would've walked away. It would've killed me, but I would've walked away."

"Edward please-" I began.

"But even though you refuse to say you love me out loud, even though I know and accept that Jacob is important in your life, even though I'll be eternally grateful to Jacob for all he's done for you," –he paused and closed his eyes for a moment before quickly opening them back up- "and although I know I'll never deserve you," –he smiled sadly- "your eyes tell me that you _still_ love me the way I love you. So I _can't_ give up Bella. I'm much too selfish, and I'm sorry for that. But I know now what it's like to live without you, and if there's the slightest chance that you could ever forgive me for all I've done, I can't give it up." He brought up a hand to wipe away my tears.

"I'll be here Bella," he continued. "I won't ask anything of you, or make your life uncomfortable, or demand your attention, but you will know that I'm here. I've made a mess of things and I know it. But I will spend the remainder of my existence trying to make it up to you." His eyes were ablaze with determination now.

"I've got to go Edward," I moaned, forcing myself to turn from him again. I climbed into my car quickly, fumbling with the keys before finally getting it started. And like a masochist coming back for more, I looked up at Edward before pulling away. He was staring at me with an unfathomable expression. A look that made me want to jump out of the car and run to him again. Run to him and wrap myself around him and never let go. And pulling away from there, pulling away and leaving him standing there watching me, was one of the most difficult things I'd ever had to do, apart from learning to survive without him.

The rain had finally given the little town a reprieve, and as I navigated my way out of the deep forest I kept my foot hovering over the break, aware, through my haze, that I had to drive extra carefully tonight because of my altered mental state. But at the same time, I also knew that what Edward had said back at his house was true. I could _feel_ him. And I knew he wasn't far. And I knew that no matter what, I would be safe during my drive tonight.

So it was after a few miles when I finally felt alone enough to stop the car. He was giving me some space, as he promised he would. I walked out of the car numbly, grateful for the solitary roads of Forks, for the small population, for the distance from here to La Push.

I couldn't go home; not yet. I couldn't stay at the Cullens. I couldn't go to La Push. I wasn't sure where I belonged. So I was here, in the middle of No Man's Land. This was neutral, far enough away from Charlie's worried stare, from Edward's agonized gaze, from Jake's suspicious glare. Like a zombie, I slowly made my way into the wooded forest, somehow being careful to raise my legs over any rocks or bracken in my way. I stared straight ahead, yet I saw nothing.

When I was deep enough in my solitude, I knelt down into the wet ground…and snapped. Like a crazy banshee let loose from the pits of hell, I snapped. I looked up at the black night above while the drops from the trees landed on my face and I heard the most ear-piercing curdled scream I could have ever imagined. A scream so tormented that it took me a couple of seconds to realize their point of origin. And when I realized they were coming from me, I screamed unimaginably louder. I screamed for all the times I'd held it in, when I had to pretend to be normal for Charlie, when I pretended to be okay for Jake, when, out of the blue in a class in school, or in the supermarket, or even driving home from somewhere, the terror of knowing I'd lost something so precious would hit me, and I'd choke back the screams, trying to keep myself together.

But not now. Not here. Not tonight.

Now, I let out a collective scream for every single second I'd suffered because Edward decided he alone knew what was best.

But…when my screams finally died down…I heard something else far in the distance…

And this sound was so much more tormented than my scream that it made the hairs on my flesh stand on end. It was a scream a thousand times more agonized than my own. A man's cry of anguish so piercing, that it took all the strength I had left to keep myself from looking for him, from finding him and comforting him and never letting him go again. Slowly, I made myself get up and head back home, instead of back the way I'd come, knowing that I had to start practicing the hardest thing I'd ever have to do in my life:

Staying away from Edward.

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**This was the most difficult chapter I've written so far. But before everyone panics, we all know better than to believe that Bella will be able to stay away from Edward, don't we? There will be plenty of E&B coming up in the next chapter, this is, after all, an Edward & Bella story. Okay, now we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief! Whew!**

**As I've said before, this isn't an Edward that came back a few months later. This Edward's been gone for years. And now for Bella to learn so much in such a short time has to be shocking. I know lots of painful things were said in this chapter, but I think 22 year old Bella's initial reaction at learning the truth about why Edward left would be somewhat different from 18 year old Bella's. 22 year old Bella has suffered through a lot more than 18 year old Bella had. And while she doesn't blame him for Victoria, she can't help but to blame him for staying away for so long based on a lie.**

**For those of you who always review, thanks so much. It really means a lot to me. For those who haven't reviewed yet, please consider doing so now. I really really want to know what you all thought about this chapter. It really drained me.**

**And finally, on a bit of a lighter note, who do you guys think won the bet then? Did Alice win, or did the fact that Bella more or less confessed her feelings to Edward first, and then they both kissed at the same time, make Alice lose? **


	21. Chapter 22 The Numb Monster

**A/N: Hi guys! First I'd like to start off by apologizing for the long wait. I know it's taken me longer than usual to update. I could give you a list of excuses, but let's skip those and just go straight to the fact that the chapter's here, and that there will be another one posted early next week, probably Monday. So I'm really sorry, and I hope this chapter and the one following close on its heels will make up for my delay.**

**Second, I'm truly excited and grateful to announce that this story has been nominated in two categories for The Indie Twific Awards for 'Best New Moon Story' and 'Canon or AU That Knocks You Off Your Feet'! Thank you so much guys, to all of you who are enjoying this story, I'm really enjoying it too! And a special thanks to Eyes of Topaz for nominating me. You rock! Thanks so much. (If anyone else nominated me, I don't mean to leave you out!)**

**Anyway, you should all definitely head over to ****.com**** as soon as you're done reading this chapter. There are some great stories there and you should definitely look them over. I don't think voting has opened yet, but when it does, it would be great if some of these stories received your votes. Doesn't have to be mine (although I'd appreciate it (wink, wink!)) but just exercise your right to vote! Rock the vote baby!**

**And finally (but not really finally because this story wouldn't be what it is without them) I'd like to thank my sweet betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724, for keeping it real, for catching my blunders, for making sure people come and go from the right places, and for keeping my inability to differentiate between certain homophones and homonyms in check (they know what I'm talking about!)**

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**Chapter 22 – A Numb Monster**

_Where are you, and I'm so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight._

_I need somebody and always this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time._

_And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides_

_Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason_

_Will you come home and stop this pain tonight_

_Stop this pain tonight_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head_

_I miss you_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head_

_I miss you_

_- I Miss You, Blink 182_

**Bella POV**

Edward and I lay quietly in our meadow, enjoying the rarity of a warm, sunny afternoon. It was midday, and the sun shone brightly overhead, casting a brilliant, gleaming shimmer of light off of Edward's milky white skin. His arms were wrapped tightly around me as I lay back against him. I was having a hard time staying focused on the book in front of me; the show of brilliance bouncing off of his lean yet muscular arms was extremely distracting.

Edward hummed quietly behind me, the familiar lullaby that I loved so much. I sighed contentedly as I felt his lips graze the back of my neck, sending a pleasant wave of goose bumps all the way down to my toes. I nestled in closer to him, and his arms wrapped around me even more securely. _'This is heaven,'_ I thought.

"Read something out loud to me love," Edward murmured into my ear in his soft, velvet voice. I was reading a book of sonnets, and I'd just gotten to my favorite one, by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning. I smiled before clearing my throat, and began reading the sonnet to Edward.

_**1**__ "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.  
I love thee to the level of everyday's  
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.  
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;  
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.  
I love thee with a passion put to use  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,  
I shall but love thee better after death"_

I whispered the last line, knowing how Edward would interpret it. He was quiet for a while, and I could hear him breathing behind me. Abruptly, he picked up his left arm and used it to remove the book out of my hands. He placed it on the cool grass, and then gently picked me up and turned me to face him.

The sun's rays were centered directly behind him, and the light they gave off formed a makeshift halo around his bronze hair, causing my breath to catch in my throat as I watched him. He smiled crookedly at me, gazing at me with an adoration that burned me to the core, regardless of the fact that his body was as cold as ice. Placing me sideways on his legs, he brought one hand up to my chin and held my gaze intently.

"Do you mean all of that?" he paused, "or did that just happen to be the sonnet you were up to?" he teased with his crooked grin.

I brought one hand up to his cheek and caressed his face softly. His eyes closed at my touch, and he wrapped a hand over mine.

"I meant every word Edward."

Edward opened his eyes and locked them on me again, smiling softly. But his smile seemed sadder now. "Even the last part?" he questioned, seeming unsure. "Do you still want me…beyond death?"

I stared at him, confused by his question. Hadn't I made it perfectly clear to him? Hadn't I told him countless times that I wanted to be with him forever? That one lifetime with him just wasn't enough for me? Why would he doubt me now?

"Edward, I want you for always," I responded vehemently. "I want to spend an eternity by your side. _Forever_," I insisted, trying to instill my words with the absoluteness of my feelings.

Edward took my face in his hands. "I need you so much Bella." He drew in a deep breath. "I'm ready now. I'm ready to make you mine forever." His eyes were scorching, and he spoke with a fervor that matched the magnitude of his words. He was ready now, finally. After so much indecision and doubt, he was finally ready to accept that we belonged together not just for a lifetime, but beyond.

And my heart soared, because this was what I'd always wanted; my happily ever after; my immortal love. Slowly, our heads leaned in closer, instinctively, until I could almost feel his cool, perfectly chiseled lips on mine. My eyes began to close, heavy with longing, and my lips parted in anticipation of his lips.

Suddenly Edward's head tilted to the side. I opened my eyes and his face no longer held the look of triumph from just a moment ago. His eyes were narrowed and angry, and I heard a low growl coming from deep within him. I turned around quickly, confused by what had caused the sudden shift, but as I turned, the scene before me suddenly changed.

We were no longer in the meadow, and the sun was no longer shining bright.

I was alone in the thick, black forest.

"Edward!" I yelled, turning around in circles in the darkness, searching for him. I looked up above me at the steel colored clouds hanging low in the sky. They made me feel claustrophobic under them, as if they were just waiting to close in on me any second. "Edward!" I called again, the panic rising in my voice. It was so dark, darker than it had ever been here before. I could barely see my hands in front of my face. I heard a noise behind me and turned around quickly, the fear rising in my chest.

There was Edward, just a few feet away from me. A faint light glowed brightly behind him, and the darkness seemed to dissipate in his wake. I let out a large breath in relief, and quickly began sprinting to his side. His hand was held outstretched to me, but his expression was grim, uncertain. I closed the distance between us and stretched out my hand to his, trying to lessen the space between us as quickly as possible. But just as our fingers were about to touch, I heard another sound behind me and I jumped, turning around instinctively.

Jake stood at the other edge of the woods, a soft light illuminating from behind him also. I realized abruptly that the only one bathed by darkness was me, and for a split second I wondered what that meant.

Jake spotted Edward just beyond me, and his black eyes turned onyx. His entire body shook and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He turned his eyes to me and his face became a mask of pain.

"Bella, please. Stay with me," he implored, stretched his hand out to me. I raised my hand out to take it, for Jake's pain had always been unbearable for me to watch. I had to stop it somehow.

But before I could reach him, I heard a quiet, anguished moan from behind, and I turned. There stood Edward. His face was distorted in agony now, and I watched in horror as the beautiful, immortal man before me broke and fell to his knees in defeat.

And while Jake's pain was unbearable to watch, Edward's agony left me empty of any desire to live. Wasted. Lifeless.

Devoid of all ability to feel now, I looked from one to the other, and in that moment I realized who the monster in this triangle was; where the true darkness lay. It didn't matter that neither man was completely human, or that one was a werewolf and the other a vampire. Or even that they were the strongest creatures in existence. Because in the end, neither one would end up hurting the other.

In the end, it was I, the very human monster that would destroy them both.

I didn't wake up from this dream screaming, as I usually did, but with a wild gasp. My arms flailed out into the blackness of my room as I tried to catch my breath.

"Shh, relax Bella," a warm soothing voice cooed as strong arms stroked my hair back gently. "It was just a dream. It'll all be okay. Shh, relax," the voice continued.

I lay my head back on the pillow while the pale figure sat looking down at me sadly. The tears I'd been holding back for the past three nights finally broke free, set loose by the dreams I knew would eventually come; dreams that refused to be locked away regardless of the forced sleepless nights I'd subjected myself to for the past three days.

* * *

It had been three days since I'd seen Edward, since our revelations and confrontation in front of his house, a house full of vampires - and possibly a very jealous succubus - that could hear everything we were saying outside.

I'd only left the house once in the past three days. Before all this had happened, I'd promised Jake we'd go out Saturday night, and though I knew I probably wasn't in the best shape for it, I'd neglected and betrayed Jake enough already; it was time to stop.

Friday night I'd come home and gone straight to my room, unable to muster even a decent hello to my father, and unable to care. I didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted to find a way to stop thinking; to stop thinking and stop _feeling_. I needed to be numb and not remember. To find a way to erase everything Edward and I had just said to each other.

But sleep had never been the soothing balm of forgetfulness that it appeared to be for most people. So instead of crying myself to sleep, I forced myself to stay awake. My class finals became my best friends, and in the past 72 hours or so, I'd become an expert on every subject I still had finals on. Caffeine and sugar became my constant companions. I would _not_ think. Edward had _not_ said the things he'd said to me, and _I hadn't_ responded with the things I had. It _never_ happened. I remembered reading an article once about the seven stages of grief. Shock and Denial were the first stage, if I remembered correctly, and now I was living that stage. I was living in a world of denial and I knew it. Just as I knew that eventually, very soon, that world would collapse.

After a night of staring at my textbooks and my notes, of my mind wandering off into confusing tangents brought on by the biggest shock of my life combined with a self-imposed lack of sleep, the muted sun had finally made its way over the depressing Forks sky. I'd taken out my cell phone, knowing that if I didn't make the first move, Alice would. And although I didn't blame her for anything, I couldn't look or speak to any one of them right now. I quickly typed out a message.

ALICE, I WON'T BE COMING INTO THE STORE THIS WEEKEND. I'LL CALL YOU SOON.

I didn't need to elaborate. They'd heard it all, I was sure. There were no secrets in the Cullen family; it wasn't very realistic to think there ever could be. And the fact that Edward's _friend_ Tanya had been witness to one of the most humiliating moments of my life made the pain all the more unbearable. I wrapped my arms around myself protectively - I was an expert at it by now - and quickly forced the numbness to return, to wash over me like a protective shield keeping me safe from the reality I wasn't ready to face yet.

Alice's response had come instantly, as if she'd just been waiting for my message.

BELLA, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU'RE READY.

The message made me chuckle in spite of myself. Alice – so much like her brother. Perhaps extreme over protectiveness _was_ a vampire thing.

When I'm ready, I repeated to myself. When I'm ready for what exactly? What was I supposed to be readying myself for? To face Edward again? To look at him again after he'd told me that every truth I'd based the last few years of my life on had been a lie? That he hadn't trusted me enough, or had enough faith in our love, to tell me the truth back then? How could I face him again after that? I shook my head, forcing the thoughts out, claiming the blessed numbness again.

Charlie had luckily gone fishing that Saturday, and I'd spent the entire day in bed, alternating between staring at my books and staring at the wall. I'd been amazed at how easy it was to reclaim the zombie state I'd lived in all those years back, when Edward had first left. In the back of my mind I knew it was just a temporary solution at best, a huge step towards insanity at worst, but for the moment, it was all I had.

I'd driven to La Push in a haze, completely aware of the fact that I wasn't alone down the winding roads. That as _he'd_ promised, I _knew_ he was there, watching me, taking care of me. Because even though I couldn't see him, I could _feel_ him. And I realized I'd always known it, since the day he'd come back I'd felt his presence around me. That day in the store, before I'd fallen off the ladder, every night since then as I lay in my bed waiting for sleep, I'd always known he was there, but I hadn't let myself believe it, or even acknowledge it to myself. Why should I have? It wouldn't have made sense. Not with the assumptions I'd been operating under.

But once again, these were questions I wasn't allowed to ask myself. Not yet. So I ignored the questions, just as I ignored the feel of _him_, and put it all in the back of my mind, focusing on the numbness, only the numbness, to get me through the day.

When I'd arrived at Jake's, he'd still been in the shower, his work day had run longer than he'd expected. I sat in front of the Black's little TV, staring. Waiting. Refusing to think.

"Bella, you okay?" Billy asked from the recliner opposite me, a curious look on his face.

I smiled up at him pleasantly. "Sure Billy. Been doing lot's of studying and I didn't get much sleep last night." It was the truth, which made it easier for me to basically lie. I'd never been a good liar.

Billy didn't look too convinced, but I turned back to the TV quickly, desperate to keep the numbness going. I'd been awake for almost 36 hours by then, and the wooziness was starting to get to me.

"Guess you're excited about graduation next Friday huh?" Billy continued. I chuckled as I realized that he was right, I was graduating next Friday. It was funny how that seemed so unimportant right now.

"Yeah, graduation. Really exciting." I agreed, unable to stifle the yawn that followed. Billy furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Billy, I'm going to help myself to a soda," I explained as I got up and headed to the kitchen.

"Sorry Bells, we're out of soda," Billy claimed in an apologetic tone. "Jake's been kind of busy lately, and neither of us have had a chance to make it down to the market."

I needed to stay awake, and I needed to stay numb, and I wasn't going to get either of those things done sitting here waiting for Jake to finish. I'd never met a man who took so long getting ready in my life.

I quickly snatched up the supermarket list that was taped to the fridge door and turned to grab my bag off the couch. "Billy, when Jake gets out tell him I'll be back in a few. I'll run down to the market quickly," I offered.

Billy offered me a grateful smile. "Thanks Bells."

There was only one market in La Push, located right off of the beach. The locals used it as a hangout sometimes, parking their cars in the lot, buying sandwiches and snacks, and relaxing with their friends in their improvised tailgate parties.

As I stepped out of my car, I noticed a group of young men hanging out by the entrance to the market, and as I walked closer, I realized it was a few guys from the pack. Collin stood off to the side talking to a girl, and as I approached the entrance, I saw Jared and then Paul look up at me from a parked car.

Collin was only about 18, one of the youngest members of the pack. When he saw me, he gave me a friendly wave hello before turning back to the girl. Jared, on the other hand, gave me a nervous smile before glancing back at Paul, who sat sneering at me. I smiled back at Jared and walked into the market quickly. Behind me, I heard the car door open.

"Paul get back in the car. Jake'll break your friggin' neck if he finds out about this!" Jared hissed. I heard another car door open and slam quickly, and then somebody, Jared I assumed, sucked their teeth and exhaled loudly. I quickened my step, cursing myself for needing my caffeine fix.

As I walked through the soft drinks aisle, I heard quiet footsteps behind me. Before I could debate whether to turn or not, Paul's voice echoed next to me.

"Bella Swan." He sounded as if we were long lost friends that hadn't seen each other in a long while. I turned my head slightly to the side and looked at him out of the corner of my eyes, but didn't respond. I could hear Jared walking quickly behind him.

"How's everything going?" he asked pleasantly.

I bit my lip, but kept my eyes focused ahead, blindly picking up the soda cans in front of me and throwing them into my shopping cart. "Okay," I responded quietly.

"How's Jake doing? Haven't seen him at the last couple of meetings. Guess he's been too busy, huh?" He continued following me around the aisles as I tried to focus on the items on the list.

"I don't really know why he hasn't made it to the meetings," I answered, picking up random items off the shelves. "You'd have to ask him."

"Yeah, well, unfortunately, Jakey boy's unfriended me, so I can't really ask him anything now can I?" He sounded amused. "Technically, I'm not even supposed to be talking to you right now," he announced, as if I could've forgotten the confrontation between he and Jake.

"Paul let's go!" Jared insisted behind him. "When Jake finds out about this-"

"Shh! Relax man!" Paul scoffed. "Me and Bella are just having a friendly conversation here, right Bella?" he asked. "Nothing for Jake to get worked up over." Jared sucked his teeth again, but kept walking behind Paul.

"So how are your other _friends_ doing?" he asked, his tone more biting now. "I hear you're all having a great time getting that little store of yours ready."

"They're doing fine," I answered, trying to keep my voice even. I didn't want him to know how nervous I was. And I didn't want Jake to hear anything in my voice to work him up when – as it would happen inevitably – this conversation reached his ears _and_ his mind. Enough problems existed between Jake and Paul; I didn't want to add to them.

"I trust they're still keeping up their end of the treaty then?" he asked curiously. "No hunting, no biting, no…adding to the family."

I whirled on him, unable to keep the irritation out of my voice. "No one in Forks is in any danger," I stressed.

Paul looked at me and chuckled. "We all have different definitions of danger Bella." He moved in closer and I took an instinctive step backwards. "But I was just checking," - He grinned widely, but there was no humor in his face - "You never know when someone might decide to join their little family."

I swallowed hard, unable to suppress the dry feeling in my throat, but otherwise gave him no other indication of my discomfort. We stood facing each other for a couple of seconds before he finally turned around and walked away, chuckling.

"Tell Jake I said hi!" he said in a pleasant tone again without turning around. Jared stood frozen to his spot a second longer, giving me an apologetic look before turning and following Paul out. Once I was sure I was out of their view, I let out a huge gust of air I hadn't realized I'd been holding, and with shaking hands, proceeded to the checkout line.

Jake was waiting for me impatiently when I got back to his house.

"Bells, where you been? The movie's starting in a little over an hour. We've gotta hustle baby!" He took the grocery bags from me and quickly started putting everything away. He eyed the kiwis and the chamomile tea bags and the baconnaise curiously, and paused with a confused grin on his face.

"Uh, Bella, are these for you?" he asked, holding the tea bags up. I shook my head and continued putting the rest of the groceries away. In my agitated state at the supermarket I'd grabbed a few things without even seeing what they were.

He chuckled. "Well, you know no one here's gonna eat this stuff, so maybe you'd better just take it." He started putting the tea bags and kiwi fruit back in a grocery bag and picked up the baconnaise. "Hmm, well, this might be worth trying," he laughed, looking up at me with an expectant smile. At my poor excuse for a responding smile, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Bells, you okay hon?"

For a split second, I actually debated telling him the truth. But as I played my answer in my head -- 'No Jake, I'm not okay. My vampire ex-boyfriend just informed me last night that he still loves me and that the whole reason he left was to protect me from -get this- himself, your werewolf pack brother just handed me another veiled threat between aisles 5 and 6 at the market, and oh yes, I haven't slept in over 36 hours and if I don't inhale a couple of those cans of soda pronto, I'm going to pass out' -- I decided it probably wasn't the best idea. The resultant explosion would definitely go against my numbness plan. And if I ignored the whole episode at the market, maybe Jake would too. After all, Paul didn't _really_ say or do anything out of line. It was more the way he said it, and I wasn't sure how well tones and looks translated from wolf mind to wolf mind. Not too well, I hoped.

And the whole Edward thing, well, there was no way to sugar-coat that with Jake. I knew I was going to have to look at myself and what I'd done sooner or later, but now wasn't the time for that. Revealing yesterday's episode to Jake and any self-examination on my part would cause some major problems, and that definitely went against my entire numbness plan for the moment.

So instead, I went with what had become my standard-issue response now. "I'm fine. Just tired." In the back of my mind, I wondered if those words would be inscribed in my headstone when I died. 'Here Lies Bella Swan: She was fine. Just tired.'

Jake narrowed his eyes and moved closer to me. He gently passed his thumb under my eyes. I averted my gaze and looked just beyond him.

"You look…really tired hon. You sure you don't wanna just stay home and relax?"

The last thing I needed was to sit somewhere quiet and try to pretend to be normal. At least in the darkness of the theatre, I could hide. I could hide and not have to worry about conversation, or focusing, or living.

"No Jake. I want to go to the movies." I turned out of the kitchen and called out behind me. "Come on, I don't want to be late." My voice sounded strange, even to me. But if Jake noticed it he didn't let on.

We'd sat through the movie quietly, some action slash adventure flick with a lot of killing and explosions. I let Jake pick it. As we walked out, I dreaded the ride home. I'd tried my best to act normal on the drive over, but I kept catching Jake glancing at me worriedly out of the corner of his eyes. He knew something was wrong, but hadn't asked.

"So are you working on the store tomorrow?" he'd finally asked as we got back into the car.

I hesitated for just a split second too long before answering. "No, I've got my last couple of finals this Monday and Tuesday. I'm staying in for the next couple of days," I murmured.

Jake seemed to hesitate before speaking again. I hated how hard communicating had gotten between us. It used to be so easy. Everything with Jake used to be so easy, so carefree; laughing, joking, telling him about the best and worst parts of my days. Now it seemed like every time I opened my mouth to say something to Jake it was either an outright lie or a lie by omission. It was hard to believe I'd gotten so good at it in so short a time. _'Monster!'_ my mind accused me, and I remembered accusing someone of being just that only a day ago. It was funny how I'd neglected to look at my own actions as I'd said it.

"So are you ready for next Friday? Got your cap and gown out?" he teased, knowing how much I hated having to be up on a stage in any way, shape or form.

I forced a small chuckle. "I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Are the" – another brief hesitation- "Cullens going to your graduation?"

I bit my lip. "I think so," I answered quietly.

He seemed to open his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and asked a different question instead. "When are Renee and Phil getting in?"

"Thursday afternoon. Phil's got a game Wednesday night." I tried to sound excited about my mom's imminent arrival. I loved spending time with her. But there was really only room for one piece of overwhelming news in my mind right now, and as I was doing my best to block it out, everything else had to be blocked out with it.

"Another busy week for you, huh?" Jake asked, glancing at me sideways.

"Yes. It seems like it will be."

"Hmm," Jake acknowledged. We were uneasily silent for the rest of the ride back to La Push. I unbuckled my seatbelt while Jake parked in front of his house. When I looked up, Jake was staring intently at me. He suddenly drew in close and pulled me into a tight embrace, holding on to me as if for dear life. He sighed deeply into my hair and turned to whisper in my ear.

"Bella, I love you so much."

Tears sprang to my eyes, but I fought them back. I held onto him, but as I closed my eyes the only image to pop into my head was that of a dark, rainy night; two bodies entwined together even closer than Jake and I were now; lips and hands roaming wildly and desperately over each other. I suppressed an agonized moan and fought away the memories of my betrayal.

_I_ was the monster. Jake saved me, not just from the mythical monsters that were intent on destroying me, but from the pain of abandonment and the insecurity I was left with after Edward left. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be the person I was today. I would've withered away, wasted, useless. Jake saved me from myself.

And how did I repay him?

As if what I'd done yesterday wasn't enough, now I was picturing another man while in Jake's _arms_. My mind was too weak to suppress the desire that it was _his_ pale arms wrapped around me instead.

"Everything I am today, I owe to you Jake. I'm alive because of you," I whispered roughly, fighting to keep myself grounded.

Jake pulled away from me slowly, holding my gaze. His eyes held a hint of apprehension as he spoke. "Bells, you don't owe me anything. You're a survivor, and you would've done fine with or without me. I don't want your gratitude. What I want is your love."

"Jake, I do love you!" I choked out, fighting to animate the words with as much truth as possible. Because damnit, I did love Jake! I did! And what had happened the day before didn't change anything! Because this here, Jake, my life in Forks, my sleeping father inside, my upcoming graduation, these were the things that were real. These were my constants. This was who I was. Not some girl who still believed in Prince Charming coming to rescue me. I didn't need to be rescued, not from this life.

And Prince Charming turned out to be a lying vampire anyway.

Jake smiled at my words, stroking my cheek softly, but his eyes still held a twinge of uneasiness. He moved in hesitantly, and placed his warm, soft lips on mine, lingering there for a few seconds.

And God, I wanted to feel so much in that moment. I wanted his kiss to burn me, to fill me with a fire that would set my lips ablaze, that would make my toes curl in and ignite burning desires throughout me; desires that had once again been awakened after years of dormancy.

What I felt was…a pleasant warmth. A pleasant warmth and nothing else.

We pulled away slowly, neither of us meeting the other's gaze.

Sunday passed in a sleep-deprivation-induced haze. In addition to my extreme studying, I could describe every crack in my walls by Sunday morning, could write a dissertation on every mark on the ceiling, and could count exactly how long it took the little spider in the corner to weave its exotic web.

I'd avoided Charlie as much as possible for the past couple of days, locking myself in my room and only venturing out for the bathroom and more coffee and soda. Sunday afternoon Charlie sat in front of the TV, watching his treasured baseball game, but as I wandered down quickly for a refill, I could see him eyeing me anxiously. He said nothing to me though as I made my way back up to my room. For the rest of the afternoon, I sat on my bed, not letting myself think beyond my textbooks and my walls. My cell phone rang a few times but I ignored it, not even bothering to check who was calling.

It was a simple plan, but one which was bound to fail eventually, and I understood that clearly. As much as I hated to admit it, I was only human after all. I'd eventually succumb to sleep. Welcome it even. And by Sunday night, even I had to acknowledge that I needed to get at least a few hours of sleep for tomorrow. I couldn't in good conscience get behind the wheel of my car and drive to Port Angeles in the shape I was in. Around the same time that I accepted these limitations, my body and mind succumbed to not-quite-so-peaceful slumber.

So here I lay in the early hours of Monday morning, waking up from a nightmare that I knew would eventually come, and begrudgingly relinquishing the numbness that had saved me from facing the events of Friday evening. My time to face reality had arrived, in the form of a vampire staring down at me with eyes full of sorrow.

When my breathing finally regulated, I looked up at the pale figure, unsurprised by her presence.

"How long have you been here Alice?" I whispered.

Alice's pale face shone in the darkness. She looked at me uneasily. "I…saw it was going to be a hard night for you. You've been keeping yourself up," she continued in an edgy voice, "it was bound to hit you hard once you finally got to sleep."

She picked my head up and placed it on her stone lap. I sobbed quietly as she gently stroked my hair back, neither of us saying anything for the longest time. My sobs died down and I stared unseeing into space, the tears flowing noiselessly now.

"The store's almost ready." Alice spoke softly, as if trying to lull me to sleep once again. "I think you're going to be happy with it when you see it next," she mused. "Gabby came by yesterday and helped out," she informed me. When I didn't say anything, she went on. "She said she's been calling you." I remained quiet. "Anyway, if everything stays on schedule, it should be ready by-"

"He lied to me Alice," I finally said.

Alice took a deep breath before answering. "I know Bella. I know." Her tone was apologetic, as if she had something to be sorry for. "Believe me, he's full of regrets right now. He was a fool and he knows it."

I snorted, wiping away my tears before they reached my mouth. "It's a bit more complicated than that."

"Yes. I know that too," Alice replied in an understanding tone.

I didn't respond; I wasn't sure what there was to say, or if I even wanted to have this conversation right now. We were both quiet for a long time and I wondered if Alice thought I'd fallen asleep. As tired as I was, I wasn't ready to go back to sleep yet. My mind was working more clearly than it had for the past few days, and I needed to find out a few things before I chickened out.

"How…how is he?" I whispered.

Alice sighed, looking down at me while she continued to stroke my hair. "Do you want the truth, or what he asked me to say if you asked?"

I snorted. "The truth," I answered without hesitation.

Yet suddenly, I was afraid. Because what if the truth was that he'd forgotten all about Friday? That he'd gone back inside after I'd left and been thoroughly distracted by Tanya? And if that were the case, what difference would it make in my life? I had Jake, and Edward had every right to have someone too, even someone as superficial-looking as Tanya, if that's what he wanted. But I couldn't help the agonizing rip through my heart that that image caused.

I closed my eyes, disgusted at my selfishness. I was a liar, a betrayer _and_ a selfish monster. The list of truths about myself kept growing.

Alice's voice was careful as she answered me. "Well, the truth is…he's a mess. A total mess."

The knowledge that he wasn't doing well weighed down on me like a boulder. I felt my chest constrict in actual, physical pain.

"Ugh!" I moaned, clutching at my chest.

"Bella, stop that!" Alice hissed through her teeth, moving her face down closer to me. "_You_ need to get some sleep," she insisted. "We'll deal with all this tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever _you're_ ready. But you've got finals tomorrow and Tuesday. You need your strength and you need to focus on that! We're all very worried about you." She picked her head back up and looked away from me. "Maybe he was right. I shouldn't have told you," she whispered, speaking more to herself than to me.

"Aw crap Alice! No! Don't you start that too!" I cried forcefully, picking my head up. I got up and walked to the window. Alice watched me warily. "I'm so tired of these games!" I hissed, trying to keep my voice low so as not to wake Charlie, who was snoring loudly a couple of doors down. "Why can't he ever be honest with me?" I turned to face her. "Why is everything always a secret with him?"

Alice got up and walked over to the window, raising a hand to my shoulder. "Bella, I'm not defending him, in fact, I'm pretty ticked off at him myself right now, but you've got to believe" – her eyes were honest and pleading – "everything he's ever done has been his way of protecting you. Yes, it's been a moronic way," she said, pursing her lips and looking away before bringing her eyes back up to meet mine, "but Edward grew up in a time when the world saw things in terms of right or wrong. There was no in-between. He's had a hard time finding that sometimes there's a middle ground."

I nodded my head, acknowledging her words, but the tears kept coming.

"For years I thought I'd done something wrong. I thought I hadn't been enough. Do you know what that did to me, to my self-esteem?" I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. "And now, almost five years later he comes back and tells me…" I closed my eyes and fought back another sob.

Alice sighed. "I was never sure exactly what he'd said to you that day. I purposely didn't look. I wanted to give you both privacy."

"What am I supposed to do Alice?" I asked, my voice shaky with emotion. "What does he expect from me? He lied," I repeated helplessly, staring out the window. "He lied to me to protect me," I said the words again, to see if they made more sense now, but they still sounded impossibly ridiculous to me. "I mean, I know I'm no Sarah Conner, but do I really give off that much of a Princess Buttercup vibe?"

"Bella, I can't answer your questions. All I can tell you is that there's more to it than just his need to keep you safe. There are things you need to ask Edward, and things you're going to have to figure out on your own. But for now Bella, you need to sleep," she insisted.

I stayed by the window, staring out at the thick black forest. It was a new moon tonight, blanketing the green trees and mossy grass in total blackness. All was invisible.

Yet I knew he was out there somewhere, under cover of darkness.

"He's out there, isn't he?" I asked Alice, but it was more of a statement than a question.

She turned to face the window. "Yes. I suppose he is. I haven't seen him today, but I suppose he is out there right now."

I nodded my head, wondering where he'd been today, what he'd been doing. _'It's not your concern Bella. It's none of your business'_ I tried to remind myself. But as the thousands of questions kept circling in my head, now that the numbing haze was gone, I couldn't stop myself from asking one of the ones at the top of the list.

"What was he doing in Rio Alice?" I asked quietly. Silence greeted me in return. I turned to look at Alice and she was eyeing me cautiously, an anxious look on her face.

"Is it that bad?" I asked sadly. I knew Edward had no idea what had been going on during that same time back here in Forks. And I knew that if he had, he would've returned in an instant. But even though, I couldn't help the sting of resentment I felt at knowing that while I'd been here living in terror for months while Victoria hunted me, Edward had been trying to forget me in Rio.

Alice shook her head. "Bella, that's something you need to talk to Edward about."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the window. Why was it so hard to get a straight answer from these Cullens?

"Because it's not my answer to give," Alice responded, and then I realized I'd been thinking aloud.

"Look, I'm not here to play Edward's cheerleader or his messenger," Alice cleared up. "I'm here to make sure you're okay. But you do seem to be under some…misconceptions, and when you're ready, you need to get some answers from _him_." She took me by both shoulders this time. "Bella, believe me," she implored, "you still don't know the half of it." Her arms dropped to her sides. "But I'm not the one to tell it to you."

I bit my lip as I studied her. "You…heard everything we talked about the other night?" Well, we'd done a little more than talk, but I was sure she knew that already too.

Alice frowned, her mouth set in a straight line, but I thought I saw a slightly amused look in her eyes. "Well, not everything. It was hard to pay close attention to what was going on with you two while trying to hold Rosalie back."

It was my turn to frown. "What do you mean hold Rosalie back? Hold her back from what?"

Alice let out a short sly chuckle. "From tearing off Tanya's head. I swear, for a succubus, Tanya has no upper body strength," she mused, turning back to sit on my bed. "It took Emmett and Carlisle together to wrench Rose off of her. Thank goodness for all the thunder, it disguised the sound of the patio table bouncing off Tanya's head. Esme claims to have been embarrassed, but I saw the satisfied smile that crossed her face when Rose lunged at Tanya. Didn't you hear any of it?" she asked curiously, watching me intently.

I shook my head, too shocked to speak.

She smirked at me. "Well, I guess you were…otherwise distracted. Oh well," she continued, "I guess we'll have to find some other place to go polar bear hunting until the Denali clan calms down. They'll get over it though," she reflected confidently. "You have to get over things like that when you live as long as we do," she finished nonchalantly.

"Rose shouldn't have done that." I spoke quietly. "I'm sure Edward must've been…upset."

"Bella, Tanya's a major bitch, plain and simple. And I mean that in the literal sense of the word. Yes, she's always had a thing for Edward, but Edward's never had any interest in her, not even before you came along. What happened Friday was just her being her usual, over-flirtatious, self-absorbed self. Nothing more," she clarified. "And there, that's all I'm saying on that. If you want to know anything else, you'll need to speak to Edward."

I walked slowly back to my bed and sat down on the edge, keeping my eyes down as I spoke. "I…I don't know if I can do that." Alice remained quiet. "It's just that, I don't know if I can…I don't want him to hurt. I just…I can't…and he lied…and now Jake," I mumbled, my voice cracking at the end.

Alice was next to me in an instant. "Shh, it's okay. Calm down," Alice soothed. "I didn't come hear to upset you even more Bella. Take a deep breath," -I breathed in deeply- she smiled softly, "Good. Now let it out." – I exhaled.

We were quiet again for a long while. "Bella, this is going to be a long week for you. You've got your finals tomorrow and Tuesday, Renee flying in Thursday and graduation on Friday. Regardless of how strong you are" – I snorted – "You _are_ strong," she insisted, "the fact is, you _are_ human." – I rolled my eyes – "Get some rest," she commanded.

And the fact was I was exhausted. I threw myself back on my bed, my eyes begging to close suddenly.

"I'll call you tomorrow to see how you're doing," Alice said, rising from the bed and heading towards the window. "If you need me, all you have to do is call, or decide to call actually," she teased. Her face grew serious again suddenly. "No one's going to bother you this week Bella. You need time to focus." I nodded in agreement, closing my eyes and giving in to the exhaustion. "Try not to drive yourself too crazy this week, okay?" she asked in a concerned voice. I chuckled once and shrugged, already drifting off. She sighed, and it sounded like she wanted to say more. "We'll see you on Friday at your graduation then. And don't forget, we're going to the dance Saturday night," she reminded me with a laugh in her voice.

I nodded my head, not sure what I'd just agreed to as the weariness claimed me once again.

The first half of the week passed by quickly. I was definitely busy, and that helped keep me afloat. I saw Gabby in school during finals, and afterwards we spoke a bit, but we kept the conversation light. I could tell she could tell something was wrong, but I was also sure she could tell I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, so she didn't ask me anything, instead keeping our conversations focused on our upcoming graduation and the dreaded dance.

"What time are you getting to the dance Saturday night?" Gabby asked as we sat at the campus cafeteria Tuesday afternoon, de-stressing a bit after the very last final of our college careers.

I smirked and let out a sigh. "I'm not sure. Alice is supposed to pick me up."

"Well, let me know so I can meet you there. I don't want to walk in alone," she complained.

"What happened to that guy your mom introduced you to? Weren't you thinking of asking him to go with you?" I asked as I sipped my coffee.

"Pfft!" she cried. "The guy was a total loser! We went out to dinner Saturday night and can you believe he tried to skip first, second and third base and head straight for home?" She moaned.

"Ugh!" I rolled my eyes in disgust.

She laughed. "So I'm going to need to hang out with you guys on Saturday, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," I smiled back. "Jake isn't going either, so you and I can be each other's dates, since Alice and Rose'll be paired off with their husbands."

"What about Edward?" Gabby asked.

I swallowed, but kept my eyes on my coffee cup. "What _about_ Edward?"

"Well," she began carefully, "isn't he going?"

I bit my lip nervously. "I'm not really sure."

Gabby got quiet for a moment before changing the subject. "Speaking of Saturday, what happened to you? I went to the store and the Cullens told me you weren't feeling too well." I sipped my coffee slowly. "Are you okay?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

I looked at her and forced a smile. "I'm fine Gabby. Really."

By Wednesday, I started feeling anxious; stir crazy, constricted, as if my lungs were only working at half-capacity. Graduation jitters, anxiety at seeing my mom again, I tried to tell myself. But it had been five days since I'd seen Edward, and I knew that was the real reason for the trouble I was having breathing. As confused and upset as I still felt, my sanity craved him. I no longer had my finals or schoolwork as an excuse to keep my mind occupied, and I found myself unable to hold back the memory of the kiss we'd shared. Driving in my car, preparing dinner at home, and most of all, lying alone in bed at night, the feel of his arms around me would haunt me, and I'd curse myself as I'd close my eyes tightly and ball my hand into fists, willing the memories away. But even in my dreams I betrayed Jake, and the memory would come. I felt like one of those people who got hooked on an illegal substance after just the first try. I was addicted. Addicted to Edward's kiss, to his intoxicating taste, to the feel of his tongue brushing against mine. But I couldn't let myself give in to this addiction; I couldn't get a fix. It was impossible. I had to quit it, to quit _him_ cold turkey. It was the only way.

Thursday night Charlie and I drove to the airport to pick up Renee and Phil. It was a quiet ride going; Charlie wasn't a man of many words. But I could feel the tension in the air, surrounding us in the police cruiser. Of course he'd noticed the change in me over the past few days, but he wasn't ready to talk about it, and for that I was grateful. I knew my dad hated Edward, and as upset as I was at him, I couldn't stand the idea of my father bad-mouthing him. I knew I'd end up defending him and completely give my traitorous self away.

The ride home was very different though. Having my mom next to me was just the distraction I needed; Renee talked a mile a minute, and for once, I was grateful.

"Oh Bella honey! I can't believe you're graduating tomorrow!" I smiled at her lovingly.

"Charlie, can you believe it!" she called out to the front of the car where my dad and Phil sat awkwardly. "Our baby girl's a college graduate!" She beamed over at me again. "I'm so proud of you honey! Are Jake and his dad going?"

"They'll meet us there in the morning," I answered.

"Oh Good! I haven't seen Billy since you were a baby!" she exclaimed.

"How about your friends the Cullens?" I'd mentioned to her during our telephone conversations that they were down for the "summer", as I'd first thought the visit to be.

"Yes. They'll be there too," I confirmed. Through the rearview mirror I could see Charlie smirking.

"Oh wonderful!" she cried, clapping her hands together. "You'll have your own little audience in the crowd! This is so exciting! Isn't this exciting Charlie?" she asked, not pausing to give him a chance to answer. "Aren't you excited Bella darling?"

And I couldn't help but smile at my mom's enthusiasm. It was only right that at least one of us be that excited. I smiled up at her brightly. "Yes, mom. I'm excited."

Graduation was held under a large tent at the Port Angeles campus. The rain thankfully had held of today, and I sat nervously on-stage as the names were being called. Although there were a couple of hundred other people up here with me, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious, as if all eyes were on me, waiting for me to trip as I stood to receive my diploma. I looked over at Gabby sitting a couple of rows ahead of me. She turned around quickly and gave me a happy but nervous grin, and I knew she felt the same as I did right now.

My little group sat patiently out in the audience, front and center. My mom beamed, as did Charlie to her right. Jacob grinned at me wildly, giving me an encouraging wink. Billy sat smiling next to him. Even Seth Clearwater, my young buddy from the reservation, had made it down.

When my eyes met Esme and Carlisle's, I felt a huge lump form in my throat. Because although I expected the looks of satisfaction emanating from my mom and dad, the utter pride I saw in Esme and Carlisle's eyes made me want to cry. I looked at Alice, and she was bouncing happily in her chair. And as my name was called and I walked up to receive my diploma, the calls of "Woohoo! Go Bella!" from Emmett and Jasper while Rosalie smacked Emmett on the head, made me laugh out loud. And Jake, my Jake clapped his hands so loudly that the sound reverberated throughout the entire tent, the pride in his eyes making them dark and glassy.

Edward was missing from the crowd.

Although I'd expected it, his absence marred any happiness I could've felt today. As I sat back down in my chair, it was easy to pretend that the tears rolling down my face were tears of joy. Yet as I looked beyond my little crowd, towards the full trees that decorated the campus grounds, I thought I saw a flashing, pale white figure quickly disappearing towards the parking lot.

And then the tears flowed rapidly, as my heart gave in and the realization of what today was crashed through the walls I'd tried to build up around the date. More importantly than my graduation, more importantly than any other celebration going on today was something I'd always considered -even in his absence- to be of immeasurable importance; the most significant date on my calendar:

Today was none other than the 20th of June.

**Okay, so everyone knows what June 20****th**** is right? I don't need to explain that to anyone? Send me an email, or better yet, a review, if you need clarification on the importance of that date.**

**Everyone missing some Edward and Bella interaction this chapter, don't fret. They needed to be away from each other for a few days so that Bella could calm down. They'll be plenty of interaction between them in the next chapter, which will be up in a couple of days, I promise!**

**And poor Jake. My heart really breaks for him. He's not stupid. He knows something's up. But he's fighting it. We all refuse to see what's in front of us sometimes when we don't want to. And remember that, because that's going to be important.**

**Paul's not getting it that he needs to stay away from Bella, is he?**

**And…anyone remember the little bet the Cullens had going regarding Edward's confession of undying love?**

**Well, from where I sit, looks like Alice and the rest of the Cullen siblings lost that one, because E&B's mutual tongue duel pretty much called all bets off (well, not really off…)**

**Those of you who reviewed a couple of chapters ago got a response from me letting you know what the stakes were, and let's just say Bella's graduation dance is gonna be pretty interesting.**

**And if you didn't review and didn't get the response detailing the stakes, I'll send it to you if you leave a review now! **

**Your reviews really do make the updates come quicker. Every time I see a review, I add another word to the next chapter. Really, I'm not even kidding. Hit the green button below and leave one, and you'll see how quickly the next chapter arrives in your inbox! It'll take 10 seconds and it will make my entire day!**

**1**** – ****How do I love Thee?, Sonnet #43, Elizabeth Barrett Browning – Sonnets from the Portuguese**


	22. Chapter 23 Still Miles Away

**A/N: Okay everyone. Here's the next chapter. **

**For all those who didn't know and/or still haven't figured it out, June 20****th**** is Edward's birthday.**

**The letters from Edward in this chapter were supposed to be in nice, fancy script, but I couldn't get them to stay that way on Fanfic. Sorry, you'll just have to imagine them that way.**

**Also, this story's been nominated in two categories for the Indie Twific Awards, for' Best New Moon Story' and 'Canon or AU that knocks you off your feet'! I tried putting the website up last chapter but I guess fanfic automatically erases web addresses. Now I know why I've seen author's write web addresses spelling out 'dot' and such. So here goes: The website is ****. Hope it came out this time. Please head over there when you get a chance and take a look at the wonderful stories, and if you feel so inclined, vote! And I'd like to give a special thanks to Saritadreaming, for also nominating me for the awards. Didn't mean to leave you out last chapter love, I'm just ditsy like that sometimes.**

**I'd like to thank my lovely Betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724 for all their help, advice and words of wisdom. **

**And last but not least, all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

_I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground. I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms. – Set the Fire to the Third Bar, Snow Patrol._

_Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. – Mark Twain_

**Chapter 23 – Still Miles Away**

**Bella POV**

"Bella honey, eat your dinner!" my mom scolded as we sat at the large table my parents and Esme and Carlisle had reserved for our little dinner party. It was a restaurant I remembered well.

Bella Italia.

I would've laughed at the irony if it wasn't so sad. The last time I was here had been exactly five years ago today, for Edward's birthday. When my dad suggested we come here after the graduation I almost passed out. But before I could come up with a valid excuse for finding another place to "eat", he'd started selling the restaurant to my mom, and by the time I'd come out of shock she was already calling for reservations. Jake held my hand as we all walked up to the restaurant, eyeing me curiously. I felt my face pale and bit my lip nervously as we entered and all the memories of my last visit here, as well as the visit before that, overpowered me at once. I forced myself to give Jake a half-smile, trying to force the memories back. Jake didn't deserve this. He was the one here today, despite the fact that he'd have to share a table with his mortal enemies.

Only Alice seemed to know what I was going through. She came up behind me and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze as she walked to the opposite end of the table, the "Cullen" side. I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd seen me here with Edward back then and knew the memories this place held for me.

Edward.

For the two hundredth time tonight I wondered where he was. Whether I wanted it to or not, my heart physically ached for him. It was his birthday, and his family was here with me, instead of with him. It wasn't right. He shouldn't have to spend the day alone just because of me.

The memories bombarded me. I looked at the little booth in the quiet corner where we'd first sat together so long ago, almost laughing to myself as I remembered his bewildered expression when I'd accused him of dazzling the hostess. He'd had no idea of the effect he had on people. On me.

"_Do I dazzle you?"_ he'd asked me curiously.

"_Frequently,"_ I'd responded honestly, without hesitation. I felt my cheeks burning now just from the memory.

He'd been worried about me that first night here. As always. He didn't like my reaction to the close-call I'd had in the alley with those men. What he never understood though was that once he'd shown up in my life, I'd stopped being afraid. All I felt was an overwhelming sense of safety.

"_I feel very safe with you,"_ I'd confessed to him that night, but that wasn't what he'd wanted to hear. He'd always been waiting for me to finally run yelling and screaming.

And last week I'd finally done just that.

I shook my head imperceptibly and looked around the table quickly to see if anyone was paying any attention to me as I let myself get lost in my memories. Jake was sitting next to me, but he was in a heated conversation with Seth. Apparently Seth hadn't learned his lesson yet about the Cullens being enemies, because he'd just asked Alice if he could try her steak. As far as Alice was concerned, he could've had the whole thing, but Jake was chewing his ear off in a low whisper, even though everyone at the table except for Billy, my parents and Phil could hear everything he was saying. Emmett's mouth twitched from the effort to contain his laughter, and even Esme looked amused. On the other side of the table, Renee was talking my dad's ear off, telling him stories about Phil's adventures as a minor league ball player. My dad was trying his best to look interested. Everyone else seemed to be entertained. I was safe to go back to my memories.

I remembered how that night here in this restaurant had been the first time Edward confessed to me that he could read minds, and how I'd put my hand on his, trying to make him understand that he didn't have to hide with me. _"You can trust me you know,"_ I'd whispered to him.

In the end, he hadn't trusted me enough.

"_You're a magnet for trouble_," he'd accused me.

"_And you put yourself in that category?"_ I'd questioned.

"_Unequivocally,"_ he answered without blinking.

From the start, he'd seen himself as a danger to me, never seeing what I saw in him. His purity, his goodness, his desire to rise above his instincts, to the point where I knew he could've never harmed me no matter what, no matter how much of my blood spilled in front of him.

"_Your number was up the first time I met you,"_ he'd murmured angrily, expecting _that_ to drive me away. He never understood how deeply I loved him. How he could've never done or said anything to drive me away.

Except…except that I _did_ finally walk away from him. So many times he tried to warn me, in so many ways, and all the while I'd been so sure that there was nothing he could ever say or do to push me away.

Yet here I sat five years later in this restaurant without him. He'd pushed and pushed, and I'd sworn I'd never walk away. But somehow that was exactly what I'd done last week. How could I blame him for walking away from me five years ago, when I'd done just that last week?

'_I'd rather die than be with anyone but you!'_ I told him the night of my 18th birthday. Life seemed so much simpler back then; so black or white. I either lived for Edward, or didn't live at all. Simple. But here, five years later, the rules of the game had changed, and it was no longer as simple as that.

The memories continued to swirl around me, twisting and turning and mixing with the memory of last week's kiss, which I still hadn't been able to bury into my subconscious. I closed my eyes, imagining myself alone in this restaurant, without having to put on a show for all these people who were here for me, because the one person that I truly wanted with me was the one that was missing. My thoughts became fuzzy, the voices around me became a humming buzz, until all that was left was just me and my memories, just Edward and me, alone together in my mind, if nowhere else.

My eyes grew wide the second I felt him.

I scanned the room, but he was no where in sight. I looked around the table to see if anyone else appeared to be aware of the change in atmosphere. Billy and Phil were talking baseball now, Jake and Seth arguing about some TV show, and Carlisle and Esme were holding a conversation with Renee from across the table. My eyes locked on Alice, who was talking pleasantly with my dad. Her gaze focused on me intently before returning to Charlie, and in that instant I knew that my instincts about his presence were correct.

"Seth, I'm telling you man, Sam and Dean are human! Just because Sam drinks demon blood doesn't make him a vamp!" Jake hissed in a low voice.

"He's right, my man," Emmett agreed with an easy smile from the other side of the table. Seth and Jake turned to look at him. "A real vampire would never drink demon blood. It's barbaric. It would be like drinking werewolf blood or something!" He shuddered.

Seth laughed. "Good one man!" Jake turned his glare back to Seth. "Hey, I've got one for you," Seth continued, ignoring Jake's angry glare. "A werewolf, a vampire and a ghost walk into a bar…"

There would be no better time for me to step out than now. I stood up.

"Where you going Bells?" Jake asked me curiously, turning his glower from Seth.

"Uh, I just need to get something from the car. I'll be right back," I lied. It was sad how good I was getting at it.

He smiled at me pleasantly, too distracted by Seth's comedy routine to notice my darkened cheeks or increased heart rate, and turned back to glare menacingly at his happy-go-lucky friend.

Before walking out, I heard Emmett's loud laughter ring out from across the room. Seth was going to be in so much trouble when we got out of here.

The night outside was brighter than usual. The stars sparkled clearly in the dark sky, helping the slivered moon illuminate the earth below. The air felt humid around me. A warm mist hung in the atmosphere, clinging thickly to my clothes as I walked, to the point where I couldn't differentiate between it and the perspiration my nerves were causing. I walked slowly towards my car and opened the glove compartment, removing the little gray velvet satchel that I'd stored there since getting rid of the truck. I don't know why I kept it there, except that maybe keeping it at home would've hurt too much. I quickly put the satchel in my pocketbook without looking at what was stored safely inside. It would bring back too many memories. I had enough of those to deal with at the moment, and I knew if I looked at what was inside, I wouldn't have the nerve to do what I was planning.

I closed the car door quietly and walked over to the edge of the dark woods, behind the restaurant. Standing there quietly I could hear the silence beyond, all woodland creatures chased away by the predator lurking noiselessly in their midst. I closed my eyes and let myself go back in time, back five years ago today, when it was _he_ waiting for me in the restaurant.

"Edward" I whispered, knowing he'd hear me. Only silence greeted me.

"Edward, I know you're here," I called quietly. "Please."

He walked out of the forest like a shadow coming to life, coming towards me slowly, hesitantly, as if unsure of what he'd find once he reached me. But once our eyes met I saw him visibly relax, his shoulders no longer so rigid, and a careful smile graced his perfect lips. His tawny eyes sparkled like one of the stars above us.

I offered him a careful smile in return, controlling my urge to quickly close the distance between us. He stopped a couple of feet in front of me, and an awkward silence greeted us. My arms ached to stretch out to him and pull myself into him, to hide between his powerful arms and never have to face the real world again. But this was the real world, and in the real world I couldn't abandon myself into him. And although he may have physically been just within reach now, he may as well have still been thousands of miles away.

He looked…tired, or as tired as a vampire could look. The circles under his eyes were darker than I last remembered them, and his face held the weary look of someone with the weight of the world on him. I wanted to reach out and trace the circles under his eyes, to wipe them away; but I forced my arms to stay at their sides.

Edward spoke first. "Congratulations Bella." He breathed in deeply -letting it out in a large gust- as someone breathing in after holding their breath for too long. "You did it."

I looked down at the ground. "Yes, I suppose I did." We both spoke in low whispers, painfully aware of the need to keep our conversation private from the ears just inside the restaurant. I looked back up at him. "You were there, weren't you?"

He was silent for a second before answering. "Yes, I was." He paused. "I'm sorry if I-"

"Thank you. For coming. I'm…" –It was so hard to speak to him like this, knowing there was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I still wanted to ask him, but bound by my loyalties elsewhere.- "Today's your birthday" I started instead. Edward smiled and looked away.

"You remembered," he stated with a sad smile.

I chuckled quietly. "Of course." But then more seriously, "Your family should be with you, not here with me."

Edward gazed at me intently. "They're your family too. Esme and Carlisle think of you as their daughter, and the rest love you like a sister. Even Rose, believe it or not. Besides, I've had countless birthdays. You only graduate from college once."

I chuckled again, and the words came out unthinking. "Yes, I suppose I will only graduate from college once."

Edward looked like he wanted to say something, but his mouth formed a tight line, as if holding something back.

"I have something for you," he said instead, and for the first time I noticed a small, wrapped package in his hand. "I…wasn't sure if I'd actually get to speak to you tonight, but I brought it anyway, just in case." He held the package out to me nervously.

"Edward I…you really didn't have to-"

"Please Bella, don't be difficult about this. I know you hate gifts, but this is your graduation for goodness sake. And I know" – he closed his eyes miserably before continuing – "I'm not one of your favorite people at the moment, but please, do me the honor of accepting this small gift. I didn't spend any money on it, I promise," he smirked.

I hesitated for a split second before stretching my arm out to take the package. "Thank you," I murmured.

Edward eyed the package carefully as I took it from him. "There are things, well, I owed you some things and I just wanted to return them to you."

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. I wasn't sure what exactly he had to return to me, but I placed the carefully wrapped package in my pocketbook and removed the satchel stored inside. "I have something for you too," I added, smiling shyly and showing him the little gray satchel.

Edward eyed the little bag in confusion, and then looked up at me, surprise all over his beautiful face.

"It's…a birthday present of sorts," I semi-clarified, swallowing nervously. He reached out to take the satchel and eyed me with a tentative crooked smile.

"Thank you Bella," he exclaimed with a tinge of pleasant surprise in his velvet voice. "But you shouldn't have-"

"I didn't," I tried to explain quickly. "Well, not now anyway. Sort of. Anyway, you'll see when you open it." I didn't know how to tell him what was in there without telling him the whole story, and I knew if I did that I would end up in tears right now.

He eyed me with a perplexed expression, before turning his attention to the satchel.

"Don't open it now!" I said quickly, and he looked back up at me again. "Wait until you're alone."

He looked confused, but he nodded his head in agreement. We stood there silently again for a few moments. Edward looked up at the restaurant and a faint smile graced his face once again.

"Do you remember-" he began.

"Of course I do," I answered before he could finish his question. "I remember every moment Edward."

He turned to me sadly, and my heart ached for him, to touch him and feel the addictive current that ran through my body whenever any part of me came into contact with him. But that was something that could never be again. I could feel the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. Edward must've noticed them too, because his smile faltered.

"Bella, the last thing I've ever wanted has been for you to hurt," he whispered intently.

"I know that Edward. I really do." I whispered back, my voice shaking. "And I'm sorry, because I once told you that you could trust me with anything and that there was nothing you could do or say that would make me run from you." I felt the shame coloring my face. "Yet…that's just what I did," I moaned weakly. "But I never dreamed that..." I closed my eyes to keep the tears in check. "I want to say that I understand your reasoning. I want to say that it makes sense. I've tried to make sense of it this week, but I still…" I cursed myself because I hadn't wanted to do this now, yet the words kept coming. "I'm sorry that I lied when I said I'd never run from you. I didn't know it was a lie at the time, I swear! But you didn't have to leave Edward. You were so strong. Strong enough for the both of us. You could have stayed and never hurt me."

Edward's eyes bored into mine. "Bella, it wasn't just a matter of your physical-" he started, his whispers as intense as mine. He suddenly looked back up at the restaurant, scowling. "Jacob is getting anxious. Perhaps you'd better get back inside." But his tone let me know that was the last thing he wanted me to do.

Begrudgingly, I turned my head towards the restaurant. I'd completely forgotten about Jake and everyone else waiting for me inside. When I turned back to Edward I found myself just inches from his face, and I realized how close we'd drifted towards each other, having wandered subconsciously closer while we'd been speaking. Edward looked down at me, a question in his gold eyes. I knew it would take no effort to close the space between us. It would be as easy as finding my way home. As he gazed searchingly into my eyes, I suddenly understood what it must feel like to be a magnet, unable to resist the pull to your other half.

But I _had_ to resist. I had no other choice now. I took a quick step back and Edward closed his eyes miserably. "I've got to go," I whispered, looking down at the floor. Even I could hear the longing to stay in my voice.

"Bella, I don't want to ruin your graduation night. And I promised I wouldn't make things uncomfortable for you, so I won't keep you any longer. But I've been doing some thinking this week too, and you were right about some things. I-" he looked back towards the restaurant, and let out a frustrated sigh – "Jacob is thinking of coming to find you." He paused and looked back at me, a hopeful gleam lighting his face, "So unless you've decided…"

"I've got to go back in Edward."

His eyes dropped in bitter disappointment before suddenly looking at me hopefully again. "Do you think…at some point, perhaps you'll let me explain some things to you?"

"I don't really know that it matters anymore."

"It matters to me."

I looked back at the restaurant quickly, nervous that Jake might suddenly appear and find me here with Edward. But I trusted Edward to tell me if that were about to happen.

I hesitated. "Are you going to the dance tomorrow?"

"Should I?"

Before I could answer, he closed his eyes angrily. "Go inside Bella," he groaned, and I knew our time was up. I turned to leave but…I couldn't. The thought of him being somewhere alone tonight sent an acute spasm through me, stopping me dead in my tracks. I willed my legs to carry me back into the restaurant, to walk away and return to where my friends and family were waiting for me. But it was impossible. I really should have known better than to try, because I was as incapable of walking away from Edward tonight as I'd been of telling him I didn't want to ever see him again last Friday. I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes tightly, knowing what I was about to say was utterly ridiculous, but unable to stop myself.

I turned back to him. "Come inside with me," I whispered quickly.

His eyes grew wide. "What?"

"Edward, your absence today has been extremely conspicuous. All of your family is in there. It makes no sense for you not to be."

He shook his head. "I don't know if that's such a good idea Bella."

I tried another approach. "Edward, it's your birthday. You shouldn't be alone."

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" I hissed, using the same words he'd just thrown at me a few moments ago. "Please," I asked in a softer tone. "Please come inside Edward."

Edward seemed to deliberate for a second, glancing between me and the restaurant quickly. "If you're sure that's what you want," he whispered.

I nodded before I could come to my senses, and turned around, leading the way back into the restaurant. I could feel him behind me, and even though I knew we were walking into the mouth of the wolves – literally – just knowing he was there made the world feel righter than it had all week.

As we neared the table, the Cullens were already looking our way, very aware of Edward's presence. Esme's eyes softened when she saw Edward. She smiled at him tenderly, but Carlisle looked worriedly at his son before offering him a tight smile.

Jake's head whipped suddenly in our direction just as we reached the table. Abruptly, all conversation at the table stopped, everyone immediately quieting, even Emmett and Seth.

Jake eyed Edward standing next to me, and his already black eyes turned livid, narrowing into tiny slits. His nostrils flared and I could see the barely perceptible quaking of his upper body. Scowling, he began to stand. Beside me, I heard a faint growl emanating from Edward.

"Jake!" I exclaimed loudly, trying to keep my voice even and pleasant even as my body shook. Jake paused in a halfway crouch for a split second and looked at me in bewilderment. "Everybody!" I continued, addressing the rest of the table nervously. All eyes moved to me. "Look who decided to join us!" I squeaked in a high-strung voice.

For a few seconds, the silence around our table was deafening, only the buzzing sounds of the other patrons in the restaurant could be heard. Emmett was the first to speak.

"Hey bro, glad you finally made it. I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost!" he teased, standing up and grabbing an empty chair from the table behind him and placing it between himself and Jasper, at the other end of the table.

Edward and Jake were still locked in a menacing glare, Jake still in a half-crouch. Slowly, he began to lower his body back down to his chair, his scowl still firmly in place. Edward turned to sit at the chair Emmett had offered, and I quietly let out the breath I'd been holding before walking over to take my seat next to Jake.

Jake turned his glare to me now, but didn't say anything. I could see him breathing hard, and I tried to comfort him by putting my hand over his. He kept his hand there but made no other move to acknowledge my gesture. I knew this was so unfair to him, but I was powerless. It was like walking a tightrope, or navigating a minefield; how to keep Jake happy without breaking Edward. As hurt and upset as I still felt, there was no other option. It was an agonizing and insoluble conundrum.

"Good evening everyone," Edward greeted all politely as he sat. Everyone, except Jake and my dad, responded with at least a polite hello in return. I glared at my dad but he refused to meet my gaze.

"Edward, how have you been?" my mom finally asked in a pleasant tone. Bless her oblivious and scatterbrained heart, she looked kindly at Edward. She alone at the table seemed to be completely unaware of the overwhelming tension in the air.

Edward smiled politely at her. "Not too bad Mrs. Dwyer, thanks for asking. How have you been?"

Renee laughed happily. "Unimaginably proud, as I'm sure you can guess!" she responded, and I saw Edward's mouth twitch slightly, because of course he could more than guess what she was thinking.

"Yes, we're all proud of Bella," he answered her, turning his scorching eyes to me. "I've always known she could do whatever she set her mind to."

I felt Jake stiffen beside me, and I gave his burning hand another tight squeeze. It did little to loosen him up. He still refused to look at me, instead keeping his infuriated glare focused straight ahead, not meeting anyone's eyes.

Renee continued her conversation with Edward. "So Edward, what have you been doing for the past few years?"

I felt myself tense up at Renee's innocent question, because it was the same question I'd been having a difficult time getting a straight answer to. I wondered, as I looked between Edward and my mother now, if she'd have better luck than I had at getting an actual answer.

Edward seemed to hesitate for a moment. He opened his mouth to offer an answer, but then his eyes turned to Jake. He glared at him furiously as Jake began to speak.

"He's been off living the high life, haven't you man?" Jake offered sarcastically, turning his palm upward so that he could take the hand I had resting on top of his. I turned to look at Jake, unable to hide the shock in my face. Jake grinned hatefully at Edward, while Edward watched him with the intensity of a hawk getting ready to swoop down on his prey. "What happened man, get bored?" Jake continued with a cold smile. "Grass suddenly start looking greener here on the Forks side?" he taunted.

The Cullens all sat motionless, still as stone as they watched Edward, waiting to see how he'd react to Jake's taunts, and preparing – I was sure – to stop Edward mid-lunge if necessary. Esme's face was whiter than chalk, unusual worry lines marring her usually perfect forehead, while Carlisle's plea for calmness was obvious in his soft, imploring eyes.

Edward snorted sharply. "The high life? No, not quite Jacob," he finally replied in a hard, icy tone. "I have always known that there was nothing better than what was here…in Forks." His eyes flickered to me quickly before turning back to Jake. "Nothing else could ever compare." His voice was smooth, even. But I could hear the fire brimming underneath.

Jake chuckled humorlessly once, putting his free arm over my shoulder and pulling me in closer to him. "Well, I'll agree with that much. But you see, Edward" – he spat the name out like a curse – "Forks isn't the same town it was when you decided to…leave. Things change." Jake's tone was biting, and Edward's eyes grew frighteningly darker with every word. "You can't just come back years later and expect everything to be the same it was when you left." Jake continued in an easy tone. "You might find that what you're looking for isn't here anymore."

"Whether what I'm looking for is still here or not isn't for you to decide though Jacob, is it?" Edward asked, the careful hold on his temper waning.

Jake laughed heartily, turning to plant a loud kiss on my red cheek. "You're right again Cullen, it may not be for me to decide," he mocked, looking at me with a huge grin on his face. "But," he began, turning back to Edward with a threat in his eyes, no pretense of civility there any longer, "even though I'll admit that, I think you'll soon realize that the Forks you're trying to hold on to no longer exists, and you'd be better off accepting that it's outgrown you."

Edward's pale face grew alarmingly paler, until he was the same shade as the tablecloth. His darkened eyes stood out like two black holes, ready to devour anyone who came within his orbit. I scanned the table quickly, afraid that his predatory glare had given his true nature away to the humans in attendance, but only found mouths hanging open in fearful apprehension.

"Some things," Edward began through clenched teeth, his white knuckles straining through his pale skin. Abruptly however, as I watched him with fear in my heart, - because I knew I'd made a ghastly mistake in asking these two men to sit at the same table and pretend along with me that there was nothing in the slightest bit wrong with this picture - Edward's face suddenly changed. His fury seemed to melt and the murder in his eyes dissipated, until all that was left as he watched Jake was something resembling empathy. "Some things," he repeated now in a low, almost apologetic voice, "_can't_ be outgrown Jacob."

Jacob's eyes grew wild, feral. The shaking in his body was clearly visible now. Edward's softer tone appeared to have fueled his fury rather than dissuaded it. His arm loosened around me, and for the first time I realized how tightly he'd been holding me. He put his arms out to push himself up. Instantly I knew Jake had lost the battle with his temper. I pushed my chair back also, ready to do whatever was necessary to put myself between both of them and stop the hell that was about to break loose in this little unsuspecting restaurant. Edward stared at Jacob, shaking his head, but he leaned forward, putting his hands out to raise himself.

"Edward!" I heard Carlisle and some other voices hissing in warning.

"Jacob!" Billy and Charlie admonished in alarm.

Edward's eyes met my terrified ones momentarily, and his actions suddenly ceased. He blinked quickly and shook his head, and very slowly began to lower himself back down, keeping his eyes carefully on Jake.

But Jake was still standing.

An eerie, unnatural calm suddenly filled me, and when I looked over to Jake I could see his balled-up fists loosening. His shaking stopped and his tight jaw slackened. A confused look crossed his face as he sat down frowning and pushed his chair back in.

I looked over at Jasper quickly and he met my eyes carefully, giving me a slight nod of acknowledgement. I hoped the look on my face imparted all the gratitude I was too stunned to speak aloud right now.

"So Charlie, how 'bout them Mariners?" Emmett suddenly called out across the table, his gold eyes twinkling merrily as if a supernatural brawl hadn't almost erupted right over him.

My dad looked taken aback by the question, too stunned himself to answer quickly. He seemed to recover himself after a couple of seconds and cleared his throat nervously before answering. "Uh, they were up seven to four when I checked over by the bar a few minutes ago," he muttered.

"They were? Sweet!" Seth joined the attempt to return some sort of normalcy to the dinner party.

"Yeah, looks like they're in good shape for the All-Star's this summer," Billy added.

Most of the men joined the baseball topic, and everyone else drew in a subtle breath of relief that the melee had been avoided. Rose and Alice drew me into a conversation about the store's grand opening in a couple of weeks, but I was keenly aware that although the strange calmness still pervaded the table, the werewolf beside me and the bronze-haired vampire at the end of the table – while no longer on the verge of killing each other – continued to quietly glare at each other in between our strained conversations.

The conversation and the food eventually came to a slow conclusion. I wondered what the Cullens had done with the food on their plates, but I was too anxious to get this party over with to really give it much thought. My dad and Carlisle split the dinner bill, much to my discomfort – they'd both already done so much for me – but they insisted and I was in no shape to put up much of a fight tonight. Jake pulled me up by my hand, and I could feel Edward's gaze on me as we walked to the head of the table. Anxious to get away from the Cullens, Jake tried to lead me out of the restaurant, but I held my ground. Reluctantly, he stood rigidly next to me as I said my goodbyes to each of them separately.

Carlisle and Esme approached me first, each pulling me into a strong yet gentle hug.

"If you need anything, please let us know," Carlisle insisted. He looked at Jake evenly.

"Jacob, please accept our heartfelt gratitude for being there for Bella all these years. We understand you may not need or want our gratitude" Carlisle confirmed, anticipating Jake's thought, if not his response, "but you have it all the same." Jacob nodded but didn't say anything.

Carlisle and Esme moved away, making room for Emmett and Rose. "Our little Bella," Emmett teased. "A college grad and still just as red-faced as always," Rose snorted, giving me a hug and rolling her eyes in Jake's direction before moving away. "Take care man," Emmett said to Jake. Jake nodded in Emmett's direction but again didn't say anything.

Alice and Jasper were next. "Bella, I know you want to spend some time with Renee tomorrow, so Rose and I will be at your house at about five," Alice exclaimed. "That should give us enough time to work on your hair and hands and feet." I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes at her. Jasper laughed an easy, laid-back laugh. "Better you than us Bella. We men get to dress ourselves this time while she goes to play 'Graduation Dance Barbie' with you!" he teased. Alice looked at Jake with a smooth face. "Jake, will you be joining us tomorrow at the dance?"

"I don't think so," Jake answered in an even tone. "Dances aren't my thing. And they aren't usually Bella's thing either."

Alice watched him with an unreadable expression. "Okay," she answered, smiling warmly at me before grabbing Jasper's hand and walking away.

It was Edward's turn to come say goodbye. Jake's grip on my hand tightened as Edward stepped in front of me, and I saw Edward's eyes flicker down to our joined hands quickly before coming back up to me.

"Bella, thank you for letting my family and I share this occasion with you." I could see Jake's smirk out of the corner of my eyes.

"Thanks for coming Edward," I responded, trying to keep my voice from shaking. And then quite unceremoniously, he walked away, leaving me fighting the urge to watch his retreating form.

The ride home was uncomfortable, to say the least. My dad drove home with my mom and Phil in the police cruiser, and Jake and Billy drove me home in Jake's car. Seth and Billy kept the conversation going from the back seat, for which I was grateful. I wondered how this ride home would be going if they weren't here with us. I was anxious to get home now, anxious to open up the gift from Edward safely tucked away in my bag.

Jake walked me to the door of my house, giving me a rigid hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning to walk away.

"You're upset at me Jake," I stated. I hated how things had gotten between us.

Jake stopped but didn't turn around right away. I could see him raising his head towards the sky and taking in a deep breath before finally turning to face me. When he looked at me, he no longer wore the impenetrable mask he so easily put up for his enemies, but rather the face of my Jake, the Jake that had always been there for me, the Jake that had been my sun for years. And this Jake wasn't angry or jealous or full of hate, but sad and scared. And my heart ached to take away that sadness and fear, because I knew that I was the one responsible for it all.

"If I asked you right now," he whispered, walking closer to me, "to pick between me and…them, who would you pick?"

I let out a huge gust of air, my lungs constricting and unable to hold it in. "Jake, you promised you wouldn't make me choose," I pleaded.

He hesitated before answering. "I'm not going to make you choose Bella. I just need to know, hypothetically, who would you choose?"

"I…don't want to answer hypothetical questions Jake. Please don't ask me to." I was breathing hard now, painfully aware of how close to the edge we were treading here. I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling as he tentatively put his arms around me.

"Jake, I'm here. With you." I prayed that it was enough.

I felt him press a soft kiss onto the top of my head. He changed the subject, unable or unwilling to press me any further. "I guess I'll call you on Sunday then, since you'll be busy tomorrow?"

"Renee and Phil are leaving early Sunday, and then I was going to go work on the store…" I trailed off.

Jake sighed deeply before dropping his arms and pulling away from me. He was shaking his head and looking down at the ground. "Sure, sure."

I took a step towards him. "Jake, once the store opens-"

He looked up at me sharply. "Once the store opens, you promised we'd talk about our future."

"I know," I confirmed. "And we will."

He took me in his arms again, holding me tightly. "Okay then. I'll call you on Sunday. Maybe I could stop by for a little while after work."

"Sounds good," I agreed.

I walked into my house, exhausted from the long day. Renee, Phil and Charlie were in the kitchen. I could hear them talking and laughing, genuinely enjoying each other's company. I knew it would probably make sense for me to join them, that they were probably waiting for me to do so. But I couldn't. I ran up the stairs as fast as I dared, as quietly as I could, not even waiting to be through my door before I was carefully unwrapping the gift Edward had given me outside the restaurant.

I pulled off the last piece of wrapping paper before revealing an antique, but well taken care of hard-bound book. The cover was black, and the edges of the pages were gold filigree. There was no title on the cover, so I opened it up. 'Romeo and Juliet' was written in beautiful old script on the front page. An envelope was placed neatly between the first page and the inside cover, my name written in elegant script on the front. When I removed it from the book, I could see black pen writing on the other side of the page, so I flipped it quickly. It was an inscription, written in a script even finer than that in which the book itself was written:

_**June 20, 2009**_

_**My dearest Bella:**_

_**There is not enough room on this page for all I have to tell you. Here, I will only say that the story held between these pages is not one I was ever particularly fond of, although I know it was once one of your favorites. Unfortunately, as is the case with so many things about you, I no longer know if that is true or not.**_

_**Romeo was never the sort of person I would have ever aspired to be. Yet in the past few years, I have come to realize that I am much more like him than I would have ever guessed. I doubt that I, like Romeo, could have been any more thorough at destroying my own happiness. My entire existence has been a series of mistake after mistake since that darkest of days when I took the first step towards destroying us.**_

_**I know you know this story by heart, but please, indulge me and read it again. Read it with a different perspective. Read it and realize that I, like Romeo, never meant to hurt the one I love. That the decisions I took were well-intentioned, if not well thought out, and that I, like the Shakespearean hero you once held in such high regard, no longer know any other way than to follow my heart.**_

_**I will love you always,**_

_**Edward Anthony Cullen**_

I reached down to touch a smudge that had suddenly appeared on the C in Edward's last name, only to realize it was a teardrop that had unexpectedly escaped my eyes. I slowly caressed the rest of Edward's inscription as the tears continued to fall, creating smudge after smudge, until I had to close the book before my tears ruined the rest of his beautiful inscription.

I remembered the book well, it was Edward's copy of Romeo and Juliet, part of his Shakespearean collection. It had been given to him by Carlisle, if I recalled correctly, many, many years ago, and even then, it had been an antique, a family heirloom in Carlisle's possession since God knows when. No, Edward hadn't spent any money on this book. But it was invaluable, none-the-less, and I didn't deserve to have it. But as much as I knew this, I couldn't help holding the book to me and pressing it against my chest tightly, treasuring it, because it was a gift from Edward.

I sat on my bed, the tears gently rolled down my cheeks as I held on to Edward's book like someone holding on to a life preserver. I suddenly remembered the envelope tucked inside the book and removed it carefully. I placed the book on my bed and inspected the envelope now.

It was a plain white envelope, with my name written on the front. I sat holding it for a few minutes, my heart racing in my chest. For some reason, even though I hadn't hesitated in opening up the package with Edward's book, I was afraid to open the envelope. What was it he'd told me outside the restaurant? There were things he owed me that he wanted to return to me? Well, the book hadn't been mine. What object of mine then lay tucked inside this envelope? Was it even something I _wanted_ back?

I opened the envelope slowly, warily. As I always did ever since my 18th birthday, I took care not to cut my finger on the flap as I passed my finger under it to loosen the glue. Swallowing nervously, I reached in and pulled out several pieces of white paper.

It was a letter from Edward.

_**June 19, 2009**_

_**My beautiful Bella,**_

_**There is so much I need to explain that words escape me. I do not know how to tell you what I was thinking when I made the stupidest decision of my long existence, only that you must believe that I regret that moment more than you will ever know. I would suffer through the pain of transformation eternally to go back in time and be able to change that moment. To look into your eyes that day in the woods and change the words that escaped me, to tell you instead "I love you Bella. You are my life, you are my soul." To take away the pain I caused you because of my lie. To be able to hold you in my arms again and never let you go. **_

_**I haven't been able to breathe properly in so long Bella. Breathing may not be a necessary function for my kind, but it is cleansing nevertheless; it helps me feel like there is still a man buried somewhere inside. My lungs, along with my heart and my mind, have been missing for so long. I left them behind with you Bella, the day I left, and I haven't been a man since then. It wasn't until last Friday that I was able to breathe again Bella, to feel again, to think without the constant haze and misery that has been my companion for all these years. It was when I felt your warm arms wrap around me, when your soft lips brought me back to life, that I was able to feel like a man again, to breathe in deeply and feel lungs once again, to feel a heart which hasn't beat in decades but which aches for you, and to think with a clear mind, which is always ever on you.**_

_**And it is with this clear mind that I must confess another transgression towards you my love. I have wronged you in so many ways that it is a miracle and a true testament to the kindness of your heart that you allowed me to even approach you when I returned. But I swear to you, if given the chance, I will spend the remainder of my existence attempting to rectify every wrong, to wipe away every tear shed, to create new memories that will banish the ones I've given you in the past. This letter, however, is not the way I want to try to do that. I owe you much more than a few words on a paper as an explanation for my actions. My apologies will be in person, if you'll allow it. When I attempt to explain myself to you, I want you to be able to look in my eyes and determine for yourself the honesty of my words and the absolute love in my heart, and then do what you deem right.**_

_**Without further stalling, I will start my latest confession by reminding you that the day that I left, I offered to deliver some mail for you to the post office, a letter for Renee with some pictures you'd taken with the camera you'd received as a birthday present.**_

_**I took your pictures Bella, yes. You know that already. Just as you know that I went into your room before you arrived at home and took the picture of us you'd placed in your scrapbook, as well as the CD I made you. God, I feel like such a heartless monster just writing these words.**_

_**What you do not know, sweet Bella, is that I could not make myself take these things away from you. I didn't have the strength to steal those small mementos of our love, of our short time together, because in some strange way I felt that by keeping these items near you, it would almost be like keeping a piece of myself with you. In some small way, I would still be with you, and that gave me some small comfort. Insane? Probably. But no more so than the decision that necessitated that action.**_

_**I couldn't let you know, of course, that they were still around, because I'd promised you a life without reminders. A clean break from me and everything that would ever make you think of me. I'm so sorry love. So sorry that in my stupidity and arrogance I convinced myself that while I would never forget you, all it would take for you to forget me would be a few short months and an absence of pictures and such. I was a fool.**_

_**I'm returning these items to their owner Bella, in the hopes that they still mean something to you. Tomorrow is your graduation, and I'm going to try to get this letter to you somehow. I know you won't accept any gift from me, but I hope that, while I don't deserve it, you'll do me the honor of accepting the return of these items. I've never been able to guess how you'll react to things, so I don't know what you'll think of this. But I've promised to do everything in my power to rectify the wrongs I've done to you, and this is one of those wrongs.**_

_**The pictures and CD have always been near you Bella, as you lay your head down to sleep. The floorboard next to your nightstand is loose, and if you CAREFULLY jiggle it, you should be able to-**_

I threw down the letter and flung myself to the floor by my nightstand, looking for the loose floorboard like a pirate digging for buried treasure, because to me, the items hidden underneath were the most valuable treasures I'd ever owned. And to know that they were here all along…

I jiggled every floorboard near and around the nightstand, until the one between it and my bed gave slightly, and I immediately started jerking it harder. When I'd managed to pry it loose, a large gust of dust flew into my face, making me cough as I waved a hand in front of me to chase away the tiny specks. Once the dust settled, I reached my hand in. Slowly, I pulled my hand out and looked down at the small pile of pictures and the clear CD jewel case that had amazingly been buried just one foot from where my head rested every night for the past few years. The top picture was full of dust, and I wiped it carefully, anxious to see the face that would stare up at me.

It was the picture I'd put in my scrapbook one day, a day that felt like a lifetime ago now. It was Edward and I, in my living room downstairs, the day of my 18th birthday, before we'd left for his house that evening. He had his arm draped protectively around me, and looking at the picture, there was no denying how much he'd loved me once. It was in every line of his face as he looked at me, in the way his body connected to mine, in the way his eyes concentrated on me. It made my heart hurt to look at the picture and remember that we'd once been able to look at ourselves like that without any fear, without having to hide our feelings and pretend there was nothing there.

I turned to the next picture, and this one tore an even bigger hole in my already mangled heart. This picture was taken the day after my birthday, after the paper-cut incident. Edward and I, in my living room again, but his eyes…my God his eyes were so different in this picture. It was hard to see any love or warmth in them, although I now knew that love had still been there somewhere. The only things evident as I studied Edward's detached face in this picture were the misery and anguish he'd been going through, which had eclipsed everything else.

Even though I hadn't seen these pictures in years, I'd always assumed the change in Edward had been my fault. Because of my many shortcomings, of which clumsiness had only been one. He wanted out because he couldn't pretend to be human anymore. He was tired of taking care of me, tired of the constant work at keeping me alive. He was bored. He needed distractions.

The torrent of tears burst through like an overflowing dam. Edward had never grown tired of me, I knew that now. It wasn't boredom or frustration at the work keeping me alive entailed. There was something else going on here. His eyes…his eyes reflected so much more than I'd ever realized before. Last time I'd held this picture in my hands, I'd been so scared, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about what was scaring me. I'd known something was going on with Edward, but I'd pushed it away, convincing myself that he just needed some time to sort out his thoughts. That everything would be fine once he sorted out his thoughts on his own. By the time I'd decided to talk to him, it'd been too late. He'd made his decision, on his own, in his own way.

But could I really blame him for making that decision on his own, when I'd known he was stewing for days, and I'd been too scared to confront him about it?

God, I'd known from day one how stubborn Edward could be. He should've never been allowed to thinks so much on his own. I should've talked to him about it that same night, after we came back from his house. I should've made him tell me what he was thinking the next day, when we sat in my living room like two strangers with nothing to say to each other. I shouldn't have been such a coward, so unsure of how worthy of him I was that I was too scared to chase after him until it was too late. That's what it boiled down to. That day in the woods, it had already been too late.

Because as much as Edward _had_ run from us, I'd _let_ him go. By not facing my own insecurities, I'd let him drift so far away from me in those few days following my birthday, that by the time I'd been ready to chase him, it was too late. I'd given him too much of a head start. How many times had he told me he didn't deserve me? And I'd disregarded his concerns, too wrapped up in my own concerns about my self-worth. In the end, he'd run, thinking he didn't deserve to stay, and I'd let him, thinking I wasn't worth staying for.

But there was more.

I stared down at the picture as my tears both distorted my view and cleaned away the dust clinging stubbornly to it. There was more going on in his eyes than just his conviction that he didn't deserve to stay. There was something darker in there, something I couldn't figure out on my own, no matter how hard I stared at the picture.

What was it Alice said to me the other night?

'_All I can tell you is that there's more to it than just his need to keep you safe. There are things you need to ask Edward, and things you're going to have to figure out on your own.'_

I put the pictures down on the floor and covered my face with both hands, pressing hard to stifle the scream that was threatening at the base of my throat. When I was reasonably sure I wasn't going to scream, I pulled my hands away. My eyes went back to the small pile on the floor, and I remembered the item at the back of the pile.

The CD.

I reached for the CD with a trembling hand, unsure of how much more I could take tonight. The cover was dusty, but as I slowly opened up the case, I realized with a sense of relief that the shiny, silver CD enclosed inside looked perfect, unscratched. Untouched for almost five years.

I sat there on the floor for what seemed like hours, holding the CD in one hand, debating what would be the smarter thing to do, the _healthier_ thing for my sanity.

Except for occasionally in dreams, I hadn't heard the beautiful melody confined in this little silver disc since the night of my 18th birthday. There was no other way I could have. It was Edward's composition, a lullaby he'd created for me, a lullaby I'd wept for thousands of nights as I lay awake in my bed, and all the while, it had been right here, within arm's reach. I snorted through my tears, shaking my head at the absurdity of the whole situation.

Slowly, I stood up and walked towards my stereo. Really, as with most things regarding Edward, I'd never had a choice. How could I not listen to it, when my heart and my mind had craved it for so long? It was all I could do to deny my heart Edward. I couldn't deny it this too. I slid the CD into the player and pressed play.

I slowly sank to my knees as the soft piano music filled the air around me with its hauntingly sweet melody. The tears flowed like a monsoon now, as I knew they would, but what I hadn't anticipated was the irrational laughter that escaped my lips. I was laughing and crying at the same time, vacillating between ecstasy and agony as the tempo increased, filling me with an avalanche of memories.

Edward and I here in my bed, holding me closely to him as his lips caressed my ears and hummed me to sleep with the sweet, sweet lullaby.

Edward and I sitting on his piano, my hand on his shoulders and my eyes wide in amazement as his fingers deftly ghosted over the keys, playing my lullaby.

Edward and I in our meadow…

Edward and I in front of his house last week…embracing and caressing each other again in a way we hadn't in years…in a way we really never had…

Edward and I…No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, everything always came back to Edward and I…

He loved me, that I was sure of now.

He'd left, but I'd let him go.

But why had he stayed away so long? And what had he been doing during that time?

And as the song came to an end, I realized that as much as I needed the answers to these questions, it wouldn't change anything. Because what I'd told Edward last week still remained true. This was more than just about him and me now. No matter what the answers to these questions were, he'd left and I'd let him leave. And Jake wasn't going to pay for our mistakes.

Still on my knees, I crawled over to pick up the letter that had fallen to the floor, ready to finish it now.

_**-you should be able to pry it free without, I pray, hurting yourself**_. –I smirked and continued reading.

_**As I said, I have no idea how you'll react to this information. Will you rip the pictures into shreds? Will you hold them to your heart? Will you break the CD in half? Will you listen to it and remember when we used to lie in your small bed together and I'd hold you in my arms, humming the melody softly in your ear? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I pray that you will let me know, one way or the other, and forgive me for taking away so much from you that was rightfully yours.**_

_**That is all I have to say for now Bella, in this letter, at least. There is so much more I want to say, I need to say, but every thought ends the same: Bella I love you, I love you, I love you.**_

_**Sleep well sweet Bella, and dream only good dreams.**_

_**Forever yours,**_

_**Edward Anthony Cullen**_

I clutched the letter to me, holding it close to my battered heart, and sank down to the floor, exhausted. How much more could one human heart be expected to take?

But there _was_ more, of that I was sure.

Alice had said it, and Edward's eyes in that picture confirmed it. What _else_ had been going through Edward's mind when he left? How much more could there possibly be? How much more could I take? And if I'd come as far with these answers as I could on my own, how was I going to get the rest of it?

Edward.

**Alright, so Bella's figuring out some things, but there's other things she can't figure out on her own. She's got to get that information from the source. **

**Edward's POV is back the next chapter. I know we all missed him, but like I said, Bella needed to sort some stuff out, even though she's still got a few surprises in store for her.**

**And who knows who Sam and Dean are? I personally, absolutely love 'em. Tell me if you know who they are.**

**Next chapter is in progress, but as I've said, the more you talk to me, the quicker the updates come. So press the little green button and leave me a review! It will absolutely make my day!**


	23. Chapter 24 Wayward Angel

**A/N: Hi there guys. Long author's note here, so if you want to skip it for now and come back after you read, that's fine, but come back and read it because I've got some important info to share! **

**First off, I know, it's been a long time and I apologize. My sister passed away from colon cancer about a month ago. I want to thank those of you who PM'd me during my hiatus for your well wishes and condolences. The only other thing I want to say about this is to make sure you all take care of yourselves and have regular physicals. My sister was only 40, too young to go. And also, make sure you let your loved ones know how you feel about them often and clearly. Regret is hard to live with.**

**Second, thanks to those of you who voted for the Indie Twific Awards. Our little story didn't win but honestly, it was great to be nominated in the first place. And thanks again to those who nominated me. I love you guys.**

**Third, for those of you who don't have me on ****AUTHOR ALERT****, please make sure you do so ASAP! I'm going to be posting a couple of things: One, a one-shot to this story, - for those who haven't seen it yet – ****WHAT THE STAKES ARE ON THE CULLEN BET****. And:**

**A NEW STORY!**** It's an AU, AH Edward/Bella story. I've got the first three chapters started, but they're still in rough draft, and seeing as I've just found out one of my BETAs has become a hot commodity, I have to see when and if she can fit it into her busy schedule (Um…Danna, I guess I should've mentioned this to you earlier? Love ya!)**

**And finally, thanks to those of you who've stuck around during my long absence. Hope you're willing to stick it out a bit longer. I promise the updates will come more regularly again.**

**Thanks to my darling betas of course, Danna0724 and ADGroovy, who stuck around for me.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, except for my little Gabby.**

* * *

**Chapter 24 – Wayward Angel **

_...Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or Bends with the remover to remove.  
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,  
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. __**-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116**_

**EPOV**

Emmett swung open the front door to the house with enough force to make the hinges creak, earning a reproachful "Emmett!" in warning from Esme somewhere inside the house. "Sorry!" he offered unnecessarily loudly, although he sounded anything but as he bounded down the porch steps two at a time, where I sat on the last step. He clapped me on the back hard enough to sway me forward and sat down next to me, uninvited, and laughing heartily as he watched me through amused, golden eyes.

'_I swear, it's like one step forward, two steps back with you man'_ he thought. I rolled my eyes at his mental musings, but kept my focus on the object between my hands. He turned his huge frame around to completely face me and folded his arms across his massive chest, waiting for me to look over to him. He was going to have a long wait.

For the past few hours I'd sat on our porch steps, holding the little grey velvet satchel Bella placed in my hands outside the restaurant during her graduation dinner. Vampires, as a rule, had very steady nerves. Our nervous systems were not controlled by the same substances as those of humans, therefore they were usually very stable, not prone to panic attacks, or sweats, or shaking. But as nonsensical as it may have been, I'd been sitting here with trembling hands for hours, unable to make myself pull out whatever was hiding in the little grey satchel.

Beyond the darkness above, a sliver of light was starting to make its way across the sky, signaling the start of a new day. While most of the sky was still blanketed in darkness, a streak of bluish-grey appeared just above the horizon, while the black mist surrounding the house overnight began its transformation into a white-gray fog.

"Awe come on man! Will you open that up already?" Emmett bellowed. "Rosie and Alice are about to go into convulsions inside and Esme's been pacing back and forth nervously half the night."

"It's really none of anyone business what's in here anyway," I snapped impatiently as I turned the little satchel over from hand to hand.

Emmett snorted once, mockingly. "Yeah, sure. Come on dude. You know we're all going to find out eventually anyway. No secrets in the Cullen family," he chuckled.

I gave an exasperated sigh but didn't answer him. The truth was unless I high-tailed it out of town or something, they probably would all find out eventually what was here anyway. Alice would see it as soon as I decided to open it, and asking Alice to keep a secret was like asking a fish not to swim or a bird not to fly; completely unnatural. I gave up on avoiding his gaze and turned to face Emmett. The smirk on his lips was exactly as I'd expected, but his eyes, full of…not pity, but almost a concerned understanding, took me by some surprise. _'Ed man, we're just worried about you,'_ he thought, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders.

Rather than deal with a heartfelt conversation I wasn't sure I was ready for, especially with my bear of a brother who rarely ever left his humor behind - added to the fact that I was still having a hard time recovering from the last heartfelt conversation I'd had – I tried to change the subject. I suddenly noticed the way he was dressed - completely in black, unlike the lighter colors we Cullens usually sported. The hood from his sweatshirt almost completely enveloped his face, save for the very center where his eyes, nose and mouth were. I added that to the 'Mission Impossible' theme song that kept looping on replay in his mind, and it didn't take a genius to figure out Emmett was up to something this morning.

"Em it's 5:30 in the morning. Where are you off to?" I asked. "And dressed like Jim Phelps' sidekick," I added with a cocked eyebrow and a wave of my hand in his direction. I immediately felt the loss of heat as I removed my hand from the small package that had been warming me. It now rested solely in my other hand for the first time in hours.

Emmett's eyes brightened with a sparkle I'd learned years ago meant trouble loomed not too far ahead. He snickered and rubbed his hands together. _'I wonder if I can get him to come with me?'_ he thought quickly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully with his finger and knitting his eyebrows together as he considered inviting me on whatever scheme he was planning. _'It might actually help get his mind off of things.'_ Abruptly, his expression changed into one of doubt. _'Nah! He'll never agree to it, and he'll probably just slow me down.'_ I glared at him, my lips curling into a sneer to remind him that I could hear exactly what he was thinking. He at least had the decency to look contrite before breaking out into a huge grin. He put his left hand up to cup the side of his mouth and leaned in closer, as if he were getting ready to share a secret of high importance to our national security with me.

"I'm off on a mission," he offered in a voice too loud to actually be considered a whisper.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I've gathered that much from your costume and your theme song," I muttered impatiently, as visions of himself running through the woods with some sort of sign danced in his head. "What sort of mission are you going on?" I hedged.

Emmett pulled back and dropped his hand, rubbing them on his black jeans excitedly. "Well, you know how you and Bella completely butchered that make up last week?" he began, barely pausing long enough to watch me roll my eyes and take a deep breath, "It seems that the-powers-that-be have concluded that we've _all_ lost the bet, and have ruled that we _all_ have to go through with our corresponding punishments." He sounded more than a little pleased about having to pay up on the bet. Visions of himself staking a sign in the cold, muddy ground continued to run around his head.

I didn't bother asking him what the stakes were, it served them all right. "Who exactly are the powers-that-be?" I asked instead, only half-listening. I wasn't really interested. I couldn't have cared less about their little bet or their punishments or anything else. I was just trying to stall for time, trying to distract myself from ripping into the tiny little package, terrified of what I'd find in there.

Emmett eyed me through narrowed slits before answering. He knew exactly what I was doing. _'Just open it Edward!'_ he thought to himself. _'Knowing is better than not knowing. I thought you'd figured that out by now.'_

"The powers-that-be are the 'rents of course," he answered instead in an amused tone. He was keeping up our verbal conversation even as the one we carried on mentally was completely different. "Just because they didn't actively participate in this bet doesn't mean they weren't totally into it," he chuckled. "Or that they're not gonna love watching everyone suffer through the payback." He looked back towards the house with a knowing glance.

"So are you going to go through with your end of the deal then?" I questioned. "Whatever it is, you don't seem too upset about it," I added. I lifted a hand away from the package and ran it through my hair, nervously pulling at my roots.

'_Man, you seriously need to stop that nervous habit or you'll be the first vampire in history to go bald, and with that head of thick, wolfy hair, the mutt will definitely be at an advantage. Chicks totally dig a full head of hair to pull on.' _

I groaned and closed my eyes, remembering Bella's hands tugging and pulling on my hair last week as I held her in my arms, my own hands lost in her thick wavy mane. I pulled my hand out of my hair and brought it down to pinch the bridge of my nose instead. _'Jeez Ed, you're a total mess.'_ I nodded my head in agreement. _'I don't need Jasper's gift to know you're headed for a serious meltdown if you don't take a step back and chill.'_ I shook my head but didn't say anything. Chill? How in the name of all that's holy was I supposed to 'chill' with everything that was going on? Knowing what this situation was doing to Bella? Knowing that at any moment the dog's patience could wane and he could force her to choose between us? Knowing how likely it would be that she'd pick him if it came to that?

"There's no choice now, really," Emmett spoke, and for a millisecond I thought he'd been able to read my mind until I realized he was still talking about the bet. Out loud at least. "Mommy E and Daddy C have threatened to end all our wagering for good unless we go through with it. And thanks to "Shorty" in there" – he pointed towards the house with his thumb – "they've got written proof of what the stakes were for each of us." He laughed again. He didn't seem too upset at all at being "punished" by our parents.

I lifted my head up again, slightly intrigued by his last statement, although my mind was still racing with thoughts of Bella and what could possibly be inside the little fragile bag I still held carefully in my hands. "Really?" I asked, with a small smile on my face. "And how in the world did they get written proof?"

Emmett leaned in again conspiratorially. "Get this," he snickered. "Alice wrote down the whole thing, with everyone's stake in it. She was so sure she was going to win, as usual, so she had us all sign it. You know how she gets when we've got one of these big bets going on? All official and everything." He made air quotes. _'Edward, what the hell!'_ he yelled. _'Look, I can tell you don't give a damn about any of this! You wanna talk about what's really on your mind, or you wanna just go ahead and open that little package there? Either way, get off your bony ass and do something!'_

I looked at Emmett incredulously. "I am doing something!" I hissed, taking out my frustration on my brother. "I'm trying to work up the nerve to open this thing here!" I eyed the package like it held a small bomb in it, fighting the urge to just break it open already.

'_Well you better work up the nerve a little faster there bro,' _he mocked. _'Because it's obvious the wolf's patience is wearing thin,"_ – an image of a murderously furious Jacob at Bella's graduation dinner yesterday popped into his head – '_and I'll bet you a dead grizzly you won't be getting many more chances to make your case to our little Bella. Time to step up the game man.' _ I covered my face with my hands and nodded, letting Emmett know I understood, and agreed. Nevertheless, we continued our two strange conversations – one mental and one verbal.

"And now Alice is having a fit because she never actually thought she'd have to go through with her part of the bet," Emmett chuckled. "She's been inside most of the night trying to bribe us all into letting her out of her stake. But there's no way in hell any of us are going to pass up this opportunity to see her get a taste of what we've had to deal with for decades. Uh uh. She's going to pay tonight, even if we all have to pay right along with her." He smiled evilly. "And Rosie," he continued, dropping his voice to a very low whisper and looking towards the house a bit fearfully. "Rosie's been in a foul mood all night." I wondered how he could tell the difference from any other night. "Tanya's just lucky she didn't cross my Rosie's path last night. There wouldn't have been any of her left after that," he mused with a little excitement in his voice.

I uncovered my face to look at him, lifting my eyebrows and trying to act interested. But the truth was, Emmett could've been talking about his high score on Halo and I wouldn't have cared any less right now. "So what was your stake in the bet?" I asked, smoothing down the velvet bag in my hand once again, knowing I couldn't postpone opening it much longer.

Emmett eyed me hesitantly, the theme song running through his head once again, along with his image of him running through the woods with a huge grin on his face. "Can't tell you that just yet. Alice said you'd try to stop me. Though why you'd do that I have no idea. I personally thought you'd want to help." I gave him a confused look, trying to see more, but he blocked me with his little tune. After a few seconds, I decided I didn't care enough to pursue it; not now, at least, and Emmett sighed in relief. He eyed me sympathetically and then let out a sharp breath. _'Go on. Get out of here. Go find somewhere private to open that little contraption up. I'll hold Tinkerbell and Buffy at bay,'_ he promised.

I attempted a grateful grin. "Thanks for the talk Em. And for the distraction of sorts."

"That's what big brothers are for," he teased.

I stood up. "You know I'm older than you, right?"

Emmett stood up too, throwing his overgrown chest right into me. "Look at you and look at me. Now tell me again who the big brother is?" I snorted and turned to leave.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he goaded playfully, smacking his chest with his fist and yelling like Tarzan before running off into the woods in the opposite direction I headed in.

Taking off into the woods, I surrounded myself with the early morning grey that covered the tall evergreens and shrubs like a thick, cool blanket. The wet moss at my feet was barely disturbed as I swiftly ran to the place that had become the closest thing I had to a sanctuary since my return to Forks; the spot from which I could watch Bella's little room.

As I took perch on the thick, moist branch that had supported me all these long nights, my eyes fell longingly on the window of the room that had once truly been my sanctuary. My piece of heaven on this Earth before I'd been cast out like that wayward angel from the Bible. But the sad truth was that while that angel had been forced to leave his heaven because of his betrayal, _I'd_ cast myself out; that had been _my_ betrayal. And while that wayward angel never sought redemption for his transgressions, I was willing to do whatever it took to be allowed back into my heaven. If only she'd just allow me.

Bella's window was closed, as usual, her blinds drawn tightly like bars across a jail cell. The intent, I could only assume, was not to keep her in, but to keep me out. I drew in a sharp breath, my hand tightening around the branch above me, reducing the heavy wood to small splinters in my hands, and I wondered how exactly we'd gotten to this point.

Just a little over a week ago I'd been so sure God had granted me a second chance, that somehow I'd get away with having my happily ever after with Bella. I'd been tired of pretending by that point. Tired of acting like I could continue to live, to breathe, to survive without her. Tired of hiding my true feelings and pretending that I could forego another opportunity to have her as mine. So I'd let her see everything I was really feeling. I'd looked at her and let her see the unending love and devotion that had always been there. It was such a relief. I don't know how I kept the façade for so long. I don't know how I stopped myself from taking her in my arms and devouring her lips, running my fingers through her long, silky hair and declaring my endless love to her that first moment I laid eyes on her upon my return to Forks. A shiver went through me as I relived our kiss for the thousandth time. Bella had been in my arms again. I'd kissed Bella again. Even now when I thought about it, last week's kiss seemed more like a dream than reality, as impossible as that could ever be.

This kiss had been like nothing I'd ever experienced in my entire life. The emotions and desires that I'd ever previously felt were but a weak echo of what had been awakened in me during our kiss last week. I'd never realized I was capable of so much longing, so much desire. I'd been so consumed by the feel of her warm body in my arms and her soft lips on mine, after an eternity without either, that I'd let myself break my most sacred rule, to keep Bella safe above all else. I shook my head ruefully as I thought of what could have happened to Bella when I allowed our kiss to deepen. I'd let my guard down and in doing so I'd endangered the one thing I existed for.

But damn it, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do it again!

As much as I'd hated myself after I'd realized what I'd done, the memory of that kiss was the only thing that had kept me sane for the past few days. I'd apologized to Bella that night, because I knew I shouldn't have done it, but that didn't mean I regretted it, or that -knowing now what a true kiss with my Bella felt like- I'd be able to resist kissing her that way again. That is, if given the chance. When she'd wrapped her warm arms around me and pulled her soft, warm body against mine, I'd felt such a sense of relief, pleasure, and a knowledge that I was finally where I was meant to be, the one place I truly belonged. With Bella. And I knew then that I'd do whatever it took to be there again.

I finally understood it now, and accepted it. With Bella was where I belonged, right or wrong; whether I deserved her or not. It had taken me a long time to come to that realization, but now that I'd come to it, I wasn't letting her go. Not as long as I still had some sort of chance.

The past few days without Bella had been true torture, because although I was sure that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, I also knew it wasn't enough to bring us together. Not anymore. I'd traded the agony of not knowing whether she still loved me, to knowing that she did - although she refused to say it - but that her love and loyalty to Jacob could keep us apart.

The unfairness of the situation filled me with an uncontrollable rage, and after following her into the woods last Friday, I'd gone on a rampage across the Olympic Mountains, hunting animal after animal, draining deer, elk, mountain lion and bear alike with a savagery that rivaled that of my rebellion so many decades ago.

Bella was right, I was a monster. I'd completely underestimated her capacity to love, and in the process I'd almost destroyed her. That I'd suffered and almost gone mad myself in the past few years was irrelevant; that she'd suffered and thought herself unworthy for even a millisecond was unforgivable.

So I'd wandered through the dark forest that night, letting loose my rage and frustration on the helpless animal population of the Olympic Mountain range. At some point my mind slipped into some sort of forced subconscious blankness, and I'd found myself holding a huge, black grizzly bear – the likes Emmett would've been proud of – to my mouth. I couldn't for the life of me recall how it had gotten there. Slowly, I pulled the animal's dead carcass away from my lips, watching its red life force drip languidly down its massive neck, matting the soft, black fur and turning it a deep crimson before pooling at the edge of my feet. I dropped the bear and it landed with a dull thud, and fell to my own knees. Abruptly, I realized that I'd fed more in a matter of hours than I'd probably fed in the past few months combined. It hit me then. The realization of how close to insanity I'd come without Bella literally knocked the wind out of me. I lowered my head and dug both of my hands into the dirt below me to steady myself as I heaved and my body expelled my mindless overconsumption. My breathing became labored and erratic. My God, even my hunting, necessary to my very existence, had become sporadic at best these last few months. How much longer would I have lasted without Bella? How much longer could I now go on without her?

'_Would you even have come back?'_ she'd asked in front of my house, _'If Alice hadn't seen me in New York; if I hadn't told her about Jake, would you have come back?'_

'_I thought you were happy,'_ I'd responded weakly, still pretending to her and myself that her true happiness without me would have kept me away. But for the love of God, I saw the truth now! I would've come back! Dear God, I would've come back! I was too selfish, and I could no longer deny it. I'd been slowly losing my mind and my ability to continue without her. I would have come back even without Alice's interference, and it would have been soon. I knew that now.

I drew in a few sharp breaths, my hands digging deep holes into the moist earth below me. I had to get a hold of myself. I had to think clearly and figure out what my next steps should be. I _had_ to find a way for us to be together again; there _had_ to be a solution!

"There has to be a solution! There has to be a solution!" Like the prayers of a man at his execution, I repeated the words to myself over and over again, until finally my breathing began to regulate itself and my hands were able to stop their anxious digging. I _had to_ believe the words. Our separation over the past few years had come just short of driving me to insanity. But if I had to be without her now, now that I knew she still loved me, it would definitely do the trick.

As the dark, putrid stench of the dead I'd left behind in my wake gave way to the muted light of another perpetually clouded dawn, I'd stood and made my way wearily back to Forks. My spirit, if I truly still possessed one, was battered, but I could not allow it to be broken. Not if I was going to fight for Bella and for our love, which I planned to do with every fiber of my being. Was it fair of me to fight for her now, so many years later? Did I deserve her love and forgiveness? Probably not, but I honestly didn't care anymore. As Bella herself said, our love wasn't a matter of wrong or right, it simply was.

I ran faster and faster, the trees blurring into one green and brown vision in my periphery. Bella was mine. She belonged with me. I was grateful to the dog, but not enough to forfeit my love. I'd unintentionally lied to him that day we met in the forest outside La Push; when I'd told him I wasn't back for Bella. But none of that mattered now. I would not forfeit my love. Not this time. I was here to stay, even if I had to live out the remainder of her existence in the shadows of her life. And when her time on this Earth was over, I would follow somehow; to my own empty oblivion. Or, if there truly was an afterlife for those like myself – and if I was somehow deemed worthy in the eyes of whatever higher being controlled it – I would somehow find her and pray that she'd allow me to be near her then. In life or in death.

I stopped short – very close to town now. The sudden realization of what that thought actually meant instantly stopped me in my tracks. _In life or in death…_

Bella would be mine, in life or in death. Bella was _always_ meant to be mine. If I accepted that, what did that mean? Was I ready to face the implications of that thought? My refusal to accept it before was, after all, at the heart of my reasons for leaving in the first place. I was ready to fight for Bella now. But then what? How far would I let my love and need for her guide me? How far was I willing to go now for a love I had to accept was rightfully mine?

Alice's voice had broken me out of my reverie.

'_Edward, are you alright?'_ Her voice was laced with concern. I looked up and realized I'd run right up to the edge of the strip mall where Bella's bookstore, Eclipse, was located. I hesitated before proceeding any closer. I hadn't sensed Bella's presence nearby, and I couldn't pick up her scent, but I didn't want to disturb her if she was there. I'd promised her I wouldn't make her uncomfortable with my presence.

Alice answered my unspoken questions, as if she were the one with the ability to read minds. _'Bella's not here Edward. She's not coming to the store this weekend. She sent me a text message.'_ I drew in a sharp breath, slowing my pace to a walk as I continued on to the store, half-filled with relief, half with disappointment. I knew I was the reason she was staying away from her own store, and that knowledge filled me with sadness and shame.

Alice waited for me by the front with a worried look on her face that morphed into disgust as she took in my appearance. She frowned and shook her head.

"How is she?" I asked, before Alice could say anything.

Alice stared at me for a long moment before pursing her lips and letting me in her mind. I saw a vision of Bella, sitting at the small desk in her bedroom, her eyes trained on the textbooks lying open in front of her. But her eyes appeared out of focus, as if she were seeing something else other than whatever lay in the pages before her. I closed my eyes and my breath caught in my throat.

"What did you expect?" Alice asked, her hands at her waist. "You just gave her the shock of her life! Did you think she'd be picking flowers and doing cartwheels? You've given her a lot to think about, and you haven't even told her everything!" she reproached.

"Alice, I couldn't tell her about - " I began, but Alice cut me off.

"Yes, I know, I know." Alice agreed, sounding disappointed anyway. "You gave her enough to think about already I suppose. She's learned that everything she believed to be true for the past few years has been a lie. I suppose that's more than enough for now." She narrowed her eyes at me. "But you are going to have to tell her the rest. She has a right to know everything."

I sank down to the ground, leaning against the wall with my knees up and my head in my hands. Alice sat down next to me. I growled and pulled at my hair. "What good would it do her to know the rest?" I spoke with my head down on my knees. "All it would do is hurt her. Besides, she said she doesn't know how she and I fit into each other's lives anymore. I don't want her to feel…sorry, or obligated." I paused, frustrated at my inability to sort through all my thoughts. I was a vampire, confusion wasn't supposed to be part of the package. "I don't want that to be what convinces her-"

"You can't convince her," Alice responded in a matter-of-fact tone, as if she'd grown tired of trying to convince me otherwise.

"Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence," I mumbled bitterly.

Alice grabbed one of my hands and pulled it away from my face, waiting for me to look over at her. "Let me finish you thick-headed whiner." I raised an eyebrow at her and waited for her to continue. "You can't convince her, because this isn't something you can do for her. This is something she has to figure out on her own Edward. This isn't 18 year-old Bella anymore who would've thrown her arms around you the second you declared your undying love to her and thanked her lucky stars. This Bella is older and wiser, and isn't about to throw her life away just because you've decided you want her back."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Is there supposed to be some encouragement for me in this speech here somewhere?" I questioned warily.

Alice glared at me before letting her expression soften. Instead of answering me she showed me a vision of Bella and I, standing very close to each other. Bella was looking up at me, as if she were debating with herself whether to slap me or kiss me. Either way, the vision gave me some encouragement, because it meant I'd have another chance to talk to her. And moreover, she happened to be wearing the most flattering dress – Dear Lord, sexy even – that I'd ever seen in my life. I was so momentarily distracted that I wasn't able to focus on what she was actually saying before the vision disappeared.

"What was that?" I asked Alice, my voice shaking slightly. Alice giggled, pleased with the effect her vision had on me.

"I believe its Bella's graduation dance. You two appear to be having some sort of heated discussion."

I considered Alice's vision thoughtfully for a few minutes, while Alice stared straight ahead.

"Look Alice, this is Bella's graduation dance. I don't want to ruin it for her," I began.

"Edward, you're going. I've seen it. End of discussion," Alice finished in a smug tone. Yet as much as I wanted to see Bella in that dark blue dress in person, I wasn't sure if her dance was the right place and time for us to discuss our issues once again.

"She'll be nervous enough as it is at the dance," I thought aloud.

Alice turned to face me. "Edward, you're being given another chance here to make it right. It'll be awkward and difficult regardless of the place and time." She hesitated, unable to meet my eyes.

"What is it Alice?" I asked, knowing there was more she wasn't telling me.

Alice spoke without looking directly at me. "I'm having a hard time seeing Bella after the dance Edward." She stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. "It could mean anything," she added trying to sound hopeful, but we both knew what that probably meant. "Edward, you know my visions change based on the decisions that are made. None of this is set in stone. It doesn't mean-"

It was my turn to cut her off. "Thanks Alice," I offered in a low voice. I reached out and took her tiny hand in mine, giving it a grateful squeeze. She smiled at me sadly, her eyes filled with tears that would never flow. "You're right," I continued. "My time is running short, and at this point, I'll take any chance I can get. Any time. Any where," I agreed. Alice looked as if she wanted to say more, but remained silent, both aloud and internally.

'_Goodness. You look horrible. You've got some blood on your shirt. And a tear in your pants.'_ "You really weren't being very careful out there were you?" she reproached. "Ugh! I think this is the messiest you've ever gotten on a hunt," she changed topics, waving a frustrated hand at the mess I'd made. Her nose wrinkled up in disgust. "Lucky for you I had a feeling you'd need a change of clothes. Come inside." I rolled my eyes as I stood and walked past her into the store.

As I walked into Bella's bookstore, I looked around at the transformation that had taken place over the last couple of weeks. Bella's store was almost ready. Emmett had finished all the electrical work; cool air blew out of the vents placed around the store. Recessed lights cast a warm light all around, shining brightly yet soothingly over the comfortably upholstered benches and cushioned seats – perfect for curling up with a book and a cup of coffee. Jasper was done setting up Bella's state-of-the-art checkout system and was busy putting the final touches on the Internet Station. Rosalie was at the other end of the room, where the Children's Book corner had been set up for Forks' littlest readers, complete with children's tables and furniture, as well as hanging pictures of fairytale scenes and fantasy characters. Rosalie was busy at work in front of a half-finished mural of an enchanted forest, complete with small elves, knights and princesses. She was now drawing a long, ivory horn on a flying white unicorn.

"You've all been busy this morning." I felt guilty for not having been here with them earlier, and for all the work they'd obviously put in while I ran off my aggravations and frustrations. I should've been here instead, channeling all my irritation into something more productive rather than putting the wild of the Olympic range on the endangered species list.

"Yes, we're almost done," Alice agreed. "We were waiting for you so you can help Emmett install the café station equipment. It just arrived this morning."

I was silently pleased that they'd left me something to do. Although I'd done most of the construction work, I still felt better knowing that there was more that I could contribute. As I looked at Alice's knowing smile, I knew she'd known I'd need this today.

"Bella scheduled the initial merchandise and book deliveries for early next week, right after her graduation, so we should be on schedule to have the grand opening by the end of the month."

I stiffened at the reminder of the grand opening for Eclipse. As thrilled and excited as Bella and the rest of my family were for the grand opening and being able to proudly display the results of their collaboration, I couldn't help feeling like Eclipse's grand opening was my D-day. Jacob Black had made it pretty clear in his mind when he'd come to the store the other day that once graduation and the store's grand opening were over, he planned to officially propose to Bella.

To _my_ Bella.

His thoughts had rung out loud and clear that day.

'_Work away leach,'_ he'd thought as I'd made my way back into the stockroom with his wolf-friend Seth in tow. _'The quicker you get this done, the quicker Bella will be my fiancé.' _I'd cringed under the weight of his words.

And now the timeline seemed officially set. Bella's graduation and Eclipse's opening were quickly approaching, and I had so little time left.

"What's wrong Edward?" Alice asked, having noticed how tense I'd gotten at her announcement.

"Nothing," I lied evenly, keeping my eyes straight ahead. I loved Alice, but I knew how her cunning mind worked. If she thought delaying Eclipse's opening would somehow delay the dog's proposal, she'd sabotage her own hard work, as well as that of Bella's, to try to buy me some time. But we were beyond that now. Jacob Black was running out of patience, and I was sure that even if the store opening was delayed, his proposal wouldn't be.

And besides, this was Bella's bookstore, something she'd worked hard for over the last few months. The last thing I was going to do was delay her satisfaction. I would simply have to work that much harder at showing her that she was mine, as much as I was hers; that she and I belonged together.

The only question was, how?

Alice didn't question me any further, although the purse of her lips made it obvious she didn't believe me. Instead she flitted blindly behind the checkout counter and appeared at my side again with a change of clothes for me folded neatly in her arms.

"Go change," she instructed, pointing to the restroom. "Anyone sees you like this will think you've just committed murder. Many of them. Shoo," she ordered me away, turning up her nose in disgust as she turned away from me and waved me off. "And hurry up. We'll be having company in 2.2 minutes." My dead heart skipped a beat. "Is it-" I began, before being cut off by my mysterious sister.

"No, it's not Bella," she clarified before I could finish my sentence. If it wasn't Bella, I wasn't really interested in who was stopping in.

"In the meantime," Alice continued without missing a beat, "I've got some persuasive phone calls to make. Seems the distributors of Seattle's Best Coffee want an arm and a leg from us for the rights to sell their coffee here," she laughed. "Little do they know who they're dealing with," she chuckled deviously. "I foresee a very generous allowance from them for Eclipse's rights to their little brew." She sighed contentedly as she began dialing on her cell phone. "God I'm good," she exclaimed as she put the phone to her ear.

"Yes, you are darlin'" Jasper agreed with a chuckle, looking up momentarily from his wire connections to wink at his wife. I groaned along with the rest of my siblings and locked myself in the rest room to change.

I walked out of the bathroom five seconds later, having thrown my torn and tattered clothing in the garbage bin and sporting fresh, clean clothes my sister brought for me. Alice was on the phone, using the sugary sweet voice I knew no one outside of our family could ever resist, and I chuckled despite myself, knowing the person on the other line, male or female, didn't stand a chance.

I walked back outside to Emmett's truck to get the equipment I'd need to install the café station, when a familiar, human scent hit me. Looking up from the truck I heard Bella's friend Gabby before I saw her.

'_Oh good, they're here. Maybe Bella's here already too.'_ She thought with relief. _'She had me worried for a second there.'_ I frowned, wondering why Gabby would be worried about Bella. She turned the corner and her car came into view. _'Hmm. Edward doesn't look too happy this morning. Something must've happened. I hope Bella's okay.'_ My frown deepened. Was my misery that obvious this morning?

Gabby stepped out of her car and walked over to the truck. I turned around to face her. Standing up straight by the back bumper, I smiled slightly so as not to frighten her. Gabby had already proven herself to be quite brave around my family and I, but I didn't want to push it.

"Hey Edward," she greeted me kindly. "How's it going?" She stopped a few feet away from me, as if some inborn instinct told her not to come too close. An instinct apparently everyone but Bella had been born with.

"Hi Gabby," I responded. "I'm just getting some equipment ready to take inside." I continued to grab the things I needed from Emmett's truck.

"Is Bella here?" Gabby asked, getting straight to the point.

I stiffened slightly and avoided her gaze, making a show of pulling out tools from the back of the truck. "No. She's not coming in today."

Gabby's eyebrows furrowed together. _'Uh oh. Something definitely happened,'_ she thought. "Oh. Is she okay?" Her voice gave away her concern for her friend, even as she tried to hide it.

To alleviate Gabby's concerns and so as to not have to do any explaining I initially prepared myself to answer that yes, Bella was fine. But watching the worry in the girl's eyes, along with the heartache I was currently feeling, was suddenly too unnerving for me, and instead of the words I'd planned, I turned to face her and sank back - exhausted by the charade - on the rear bumper of Emmett's truck. I drew in a deep breath as Gabby eyed me warily and with growing distress for Bella.

I sighed in exasperation before answering her. "I hope she is," I finally said.

Gabby stared at me for a long moment, carrying on a debate within herself about whether she should say anything or just leave it alone. Her regard for Bella won out in the end.

"Edward, I know you and I don't know each other that well, and it's probably none of my business, but I really care about Bella and I just want her to be happy in the end." I nodded to let her know she should continue. I heard her question in my mind before she verbalized it. "Do you love her?"

"Yes, I do. With all my heart," I answered without hesitation. What was the point of trying to deny it now?

Gabby nodded, as if she'd been expecting that answer. "I don't know exactly what happened between the both of you years ago, but I do know this. Even though Bella and I haven't known each other for that long, I think we've become really good friends. And as her good friend, I think I know her pretty well by now, and I can tell you this." She paused, searching for the right words. "Bella's always looked like she has it all together," – she smiled quietly and signaled towards the store with her arms – "I mean really, how many people have the brains and courage to open up their own business straight out of college," she chuckled. "The girl's got it together." Her smile faltered. "But…" she drifted.

"But?" I prompted after a few seconds of silence, during which Gabby's mind tried to process what she was trying to convey to me.

"But as happy and together as she's always seemed," she finally continued, "there was always an air of something missing." I raised my eyebrows in question. Gabby shifted her weight from one foot to the other nervously and drew in a quick breath before continuing. "Edward, what I'm trying to say is that since I met her, as content as she's seemed with everything in her life, I couldn't help but think that there was a sadness in her that she could never shake, and I always wondered why."

I nodded my head, ashamed because I knew I'd been the cause of that sadness in Bella. "You're right to assume that I'm to blame for that." I agreed, lowering my head and staring at the ground.

"That's…not…what I'm saying," Gabby stated in a low voice. I raised my eyes to look at her. _'How do I make him understand?_' "Edward, I've seen Bella carry that sadness with her since we met." - I shook my head miserably under the weight of her words - "except for when I've seen her with you."

My eyes grew wide with surprise. "Since you've been back in her life, it's like a huge weight's been lifted off of her. You may not see it, because you haven't been around her for the past few years, but _I_ see it." Gabby's voice was quiet but insistent; I was sure she saw the disbelief in my face. "Because I've only known her with that huge weight around her, and now it's like she's a different person, and I've never known her like this. She's got this sparkle in her eyes!" she chuckled, sounding amazed. "And I want it to stay there."

I smiled warmly at Gabby, grateful once again that Bella had been able to find such a good friend. But I didn't know how to respond to her. My right hand went nervously to the back of my neck, where I rubbed it roughly. "Thanks Gabby," I offered, but I couldn't help the frown that returned quickly. "But I've messed things up so badly that I don't know that I _can_ keep that sparkle there." I dropped my hand and fisted it to my side. "I don't know that she can forgive me for all I've done."

Gabby smiled. "Bella is a very forgiving person. Just give her time."

I shook my head, remembering Jacob's words. _'…Bella will be my fiancé_.' "That's just it Gabby. I'm running out of time."

Gabby looked at me with some confusion before something dawned on her. She raised her chin high before nodding slowly. "You know, Aristotle once said that love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." I cocked an eyebrow at her, a bemused smile forming on my lips as I sat curiously awaiting the rest of her thought. There was no way she could have any idea of the implications of her words. "If that's true," she continued, "then a soul can't be permanently divided. Somehow, the soul will find a way to bring its two hosts back together."

I sat motionless for a few seconds, trying to absorb what that statement meant.

"What does that mean?" I asked, once I'd found my voice again. "That Bella and I share a soul?"

Gabby stared at me with some reservation and more than just a little embarrassment at having to explain Aristotle's words to me. _'This is what I get for majoring in Philosophy,'_ she thought. "Well, if you go by Aristotle's premise, then Bella's soul is yours and vice versa. It's just been divided into two bodies. You cannot permanently live with only half a soul, so eventually the two will find each other again. Two halves of a whole," she finished with a shrug.

The irony of her words was not lost on me. For the past few years, I'd been convinced I was a soulless creature, and that changing Bella, as she'd once wanted me to, would mean taking her soul away as well. Yet here stood her friend - a girl with no idea of my true nature, or of the questions regarding my soul as well as Bella's - that had plagued me for ages, and she was telling me that Bella's soul was my own. And that through our love, our shared soul would somehow bring us together again.

I sat there staring straight ahead, processing her words. After a few seconds, during which I'd completely forgotten she was standing there, Gabby spoke again.

"Well, I'm going to go inside and see if Alice and Rosalie need any help with anything."

I blinked quickly and shook my head, clearing my mind. "Okay. And thanks for the talk Gabby," I mused.

"No problem," she answered with an easy smile, before sticking her hands in her pockets and walking into the store.

I'd spent the next few days examining Gabby's words, and what they could possibly mean for our future, if Bella and I even had a future together. At the same time, I fought with every instinct I had and forced myself to stay away from Bella, even as Alice's visions showed me how upset she was. I'd promised her space to think, and as difficult as it was to stay away when I knew she was suffering, I knew she wasn't ready to talk to me yet. But I couldn't keep myself from watching her from afar, even as I had to watch her go to the reservation to visit Jacob.

It had been a long, grueling week, but I'd finally been rewarded on Friday, her graduation day, when she'd come out of the restaurant and called out to me. I thought my dead heart would burst when I finally set eyes on her standing so close to me. So close, yet still so far.

And the fact that she'd remembered it was my birthday gave me with more joy than I'd felt all week.

But then she pulled out a little package and placed it in my hands.

It was this little package that I held in my hands now, sitting on this tree. Why was I so wary to open it? I asked myself again.

Because when Bella had handed me the package, the look on her own face had been a wary one. As if she wasn't sure if giving this to me had been a good idea. But she had indeed given it to me, and I had to trust her.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I carefully untied the strings that kept the small satchel securely closed. Although my heart hadn't beat in over one hundred years, the anxiety as I slipped my trembling fingers inside made me feel as if the useless organ in my chest were beating a thousand beats per second. I recognized the feel of the thin material as soon as my fingers touched it, yet knowing what it was did little to calm me, for recognizing it for what it was also brought with it the knowledge that there would be words, and those words could either break me or make me whole.

They were letters. About five or six pages of them I gathered, as I pulled them out carefully. They'd been folded in eighths, small enough to fit inside the small container. I could tell before opening them that they'd been hand-written, the blue pen marks showing clearly through the thin sheets, and I would've sworn my heart skipped a beat as I opened them and instantly recognized Bella's handwriting, a penmanship I'd memorized ages ago, well enough to forge it myself.

I closed my eyes momentarily before allowing myself to read the first one, inhaling deeply and letting it out slowly. I instantly knew that whatever was said in these letters would, in one way or another, be the guide I was searching for, to help me determine my next steps. Tentatively, I opened my eyes and looked down at the first page.

_January 5, 2006_

_Dear Edward:_

_Happy New Year. I suppose, given the time of year, this is how one should begin a letter. I haven't heard from you, as you promised I wouldn't, so this letter is the only way I have to speak to you, even if it will just be a one way conversation since I have nowhere to send this._

_On the first day of this brand new year Charlie woke me up with the reminder that we've left the old year behind, and a new year and a new beginning are upon us. I smiled at him and nodded, wanting him to start the New Year content. Even as the knowledge that nothing has changed other than the date on the calendar burned clearly in my mind. _

'_Happy New Year' they exclaim joyfully on TV. 'Happy New Year!' Charlie's friend Billy greeted me as I answered the phone this afternoon. As if the change of a few digits on a piece of paper – a paper already full of meaningless figures and numbers - somehow makes the day happier. It doesn't. It's just a reminder that time continues to pass. That the hours have turned into days, the days into weeks and the weeks into months, and still you stay away. _

_For a while, I thought I'd been dreaming. You know, one of those crazy, vivid nightmares I often have. Like the ones your presence used to chase away as you'd hold me in your arms night after night. Nights which already seem like decades ago. I stayed in my bed for days after you left (God, its still so painful to even think the words, much less write them). I kept waiting to wake, because I knew I had to be dreaming. Everything looked dark and hazy; everything sounded muffled - my father's face when he'd come check on me, the bird's torturous love songs; everything blurred like a colorful blanket draped over my eyes. So I knew it must be a dream. Nothing was clear. Nothing had light. Nothing had any real purpose._

_My first clue that I probably wasn't dreaming came about a week after that day in the woods. Renee came for me. She began going through my closet, and I watched her as if looking through some dirty, grimy window I couldn't and didn't want to open. I saw her take out my suitcase, quickly emptying drawers with a speed and efficiency I never knew she possessed. Somehow, something clicked, and the dirty window I watched from was suddenly illuminated in a harsh, unwanted sharpness. Everything suddenly became clearer. The voices - I could hear her saying things like 'she'll be better once she's back in Phoenix,' and 'she just needs her mom and some time, and she'll be just fine,' – everything came back to me then. And that's when I realized what they were planning. They were sending me back to Phoenix. As if there were any way I could ever leave this dark little town now. I'm as stuck in Forks as a bird whose wings have been cut off, and who refuses to let time or its family heal its wounds. _

_I realize that I am, in fact, as awake as I will ever be until you come back. Because I know you're coming back. You just need some time; some distractions, and then you'll realize that although I'm not good enough for you now, I can be. You can make me good enough. _

_The waiting is painful though, especially when Charlie looks at me, really looks at me, and I see him flinch and turn his face away. Whether it's from shame or guilt, or both, I don't know. I just know that he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve a daughter who can only be there in body, but whose insides have disappeared until only an empty, hollow zombie is left, incapable of feeling enough remorse at what she's doing to him to stop. _

_I wonder where you are, what you're doing, how your family is, especially Alice. I miss her almost as much as I do you. Almost, but not quite (don't tell her I said that; she'll have my head). I try to stop myself from thinking of you, and on the surface, I can almost convince myself I don't think of you all the time. But deep below that surface, like the hidden, dark layer of the ocean floor, where very few living creatures dwell, there you always are._

_Do you ever think of me, I wonder? In between your distractions, your hunts, your new life. Do I ever cross your mind? I suppose for your kind, it's not so difficult to go for long stretches of time keeping unnecessary and bothersome thoughts out of mind. I myself have learned a few tricks in the past few months to keep painful thoughts and memories at bay. Unfortunately, to keep my conscious mind from wandering to you all the time, I also have to keep it subdued, to the point where I feel less and less human each day. _

_Ironic, isn't it? That I should start worrying about my humanity now that you're gone? _

_I suppose it's an unfortunate necessity if I'm expected to function like a normal member of society. It's funny how you claimed to be a monster once, but I've recently realized that I am, in fact, the monster in this tale. I'm the dead creature, devoid of emotion, devoid of a soul, devoid of hunger for anything other than that which I can never have. You took everything with you when you left; my emotions, my hunger, my soul. I am nothing now, and I will be nothing until you return._

_School is, well, its school. I suppose it's progressed much as it would have had you never been there that first day. I am invisible. I am not seen. I am not heard. The few friends I had can't deal with the strange, empty monster I've become. It's better this way. Less people I need to pretend for. I can go and do what I need to do there, learn, pass my tests, and then be left alone. It's only when I need to come home that I have to try to be alive. It's easier this way. I don't know that I'd be able to keep up the charade both at home and at school._

_I hear them whisper about me sometimes when they think I can't hear. They say I should be over it by now; it's been more than three months. They say something's wrong with me because I don't sit with them day in and day out and talk about how cute Mike's butt looks in his black jeans, or how unfair Jessica's mom is for not letting her stay out past ten on school nights, or how Lauren's new haircut makes her eyes pop. I suppose they're right; these are the things I should be interested in; the things that are going on around me, in the world that I live in, instead of agonizing over the loss of a world I never belonged in. _

_But you see, the thing is, I never belonged in this world either. So where do I belong now that you're not here? I really don't know. _

_I don't blame you for leaving; I need you to know that. I've never blamed none of it on you. __**None of it!**__ And I never will. On the contrary, I'm grateful to you for the time you did give me, for showing me that it's possible to love someone the way that I love you. Without you I would've never known what it was to feel such an overwhelming sense of devotion to another person, such an exquisite attachment. How could I not be eternally grateful for that? Even if the feelings weren't mutual. But that only makes sense, as much as it hurts to know. While you were everything that made up a truly great being, I was, and am, nothing interesting. I had nothing of any value to offer you, and therefore no way to hold you permanently to me. There is no blame in that fact, only a sense of regret that I couldn't have been more for you. I'm so sorry for that._

_But even with all of that, even though I know I have nothing to offer, even though I know you grew tired of me, even though Charlie watches me anxiously, afraid that I've taken his penchant for hanging on to a lost love beyond the limits of what's normal, even though everyone at school thinks I've completely lost my mind, and even though they may all be right, I wait for you. _

_The seasons change, snow and ice lay thick on the ground, falling from the darkened sky like sands through the hourglass my life has become. All conversation in school has now eagerly turned to graduation and the new beginning that supposedly entails. As impossible as it seems, time continues to move, and as rigid and inane as this world may seem, it moves on as well. Somehow, life around me continues. Yet still I wait for you. My love for you is unwavering and permanent, even as everything around me changes. And so I'll wait as long as it takes._

_I am forever yours,_

_Bella Swan_

In the seconds following my reading Bella's first letter, I prayed for what was perhaps one of only a handful of times since my transformation over a century ago. I prayed that God, or whoever or whatever was out there looking over this cold, vast universe, would grant me the relief that came with shedding tears. Just one, lonesome, solitary tear; that's all I asked for.

I begged.

I pleaded.

She'd thought she wasn't enough. She blamed herself for my leaving. My God, she _apologized_ to me for not being more; as if there was anything she lacked! The pain ripping through my chest was excruciating, and I begged the higher being above us for some sort of release, _some_ way to alleviate the torture that came from the words before me. But as I moved my lips in silent supplication, down on my knees in the damp, wet earth, my hands clinging to Bella's letters like a man clinging to a burning electrical current – painful but unable to be released – I abruptly ceased my prayers. This pain, this heartache was my penance for the unbearable pain I'd caused Bella, and I would accept it and continue, for I knew it would only get worse before it got better. And I deserved nothing less.

_January 5, 2007_

_Dear Edward:_

_Another twelve months have passed, and a new year has begun. _

_I suppose I'll begin as I did last time, wishing you and yours a 'Happy New Year'. You and I never really discussed what you guys do to ring in a new year. Do you celebrate? Is it as special and exciting for you and your family as it is for most of the world? Or do the years pass by and blend into one another, like watercolors on a white canvas, beautiful yet indistinguishable after a while?_

_It's been a long year here in the rainy town of Forks. The town itself remains pretty much the same. Nothing really changes around here. Jake says a century could pass and the only thing to mark the passage of time would be the longer beards on the loggers. I don't know that I'd go that far. Although if anyone can answer that question in a hundred years, I suppose it'll be you._

_I think Jake's just trying to downplay the events of the year that just passed though, that's why he says that. He wants to pretend for my sake that the things that happened weren't so crazy and horrifying. His heart's in the right place. He just worries about me; my sanity's been hanging by a thread for so long now. Since that day in the woods, I guess._

_I can't forget though; no matter how much I know I should try. Because forgetting the things that just happened, pretending they never did, would mean pretending you and I never happened either. I'm sorry, but I can't pretend you never existed, even though that's one of the last things you asked me to do. I'm sorry that up until now, I've done such a bad job of going on as you expected me to. I suppose motorcycles and cliff-diving weren't what you had in mind by "don't do anything reckless or stupid." _

_I've stopped all that now, I just want you to know. I promise you that starting now, with this new year, this new chance I've been given, my resolution is to make a real effort this time to live a real, human life. In my last letter, I promised to wait for you. I promised that no matter what, if and when you returned, you'd find me waiting here for you, even though I knew that's not what you wanted from me. And the thing is, if I lived my world in a vacuum, if the only person in this world I needed to take care of myself for was for me, then I would've waited nonetheless, until the day I took my last breath, hoping that some day you'd change your mind and come for me. But even as you left, you asked me to take care of myself, and by waiting for you, I haven't been doing that very well. _

_In the past few months, I've come to realize that you were right. I do need to take care of myself. But what neither one of us knew that day in the woods was that it wouldn't just be for Charlie, who'd definitely suffer if something ever happened to me, but that more people would be hurt if something every happened to me . _

_You see Edward, unlike your kind, I can't live my life closed off from the rest of the world. As much as I may have tried. I can't be a recluse. I can't just keep to myself and not share any real part of myself with anyone._

_Jake's a part of my life now, and I have to live, really live, for him. He would be heartbroken if something were to ever happen to me. It took me a while to figure that out. It took months of putting myself in dangerous situations I should've never exposed myself to, all in the hopes of just hearing your voice, to understand what I was doing to those around me. It took Victoria getting within an inch of me, of Jake almost paying for my recklessness with his life, to understand that I am neither alone, nor immortal. _

_I am not marble. _

_I am not frozen. _

_I change. _

_I age. _

_My actions affect more than just me, they affect those around me who love me. And so I am responsible for more than just my life; I'm responsible for theirs also. So as much as my heart begs me to wait, to be true to it, my mind reminds me of my responsibilities. It reminds me that my actions affect those who have chosen to share my life, and it is for those that I must remember that I am, in fact, human. And as a human, my life must go on as if you'd never existed._

_But accepting the finality of something and completely erasing it from your mind and soul are two very different things, and I think that's where you may have been mistaken. My mind is __**not**__ a sieve Edward, and __**I**__ will never forget. You are branded into my mind and soul for eternity. Even after my death, __**you**__ will continue, __**you**__ will go on. And perhaps then, I'll finally find you. And then perhaps you'll allow me to be __**your**__ angel; __**your**__ protector, shielding you from all harm with my everlasting love._

_My wayward angel, I no longer wait for you, but I love you still._

_Bella_

Still on my knees, I closed my eyes and dropped my head, touching Bella's letters to my forehead. A pained moan escaped my lips as images of Bella hunched over her desk, writing letters full of despair and heartache assaulted my mind. In every line, in every word, she'd been convinced that I no longer loved her. Yet where in her first letter she'd still held out some hope that I would eventually return, this second letter no longer held any of that belief. She'd decided to do exactly what I'd mistakenly asked her to do that cursed night in the woods. The most insane request that could have ever come from my lips; to go on as if I'd never existed.

I understood now why she'd given me these letters; a private look into her mind and soul. A mind that had always been so closed off to me. They were her way of telling me that although she'd always love me, that although in her heart, she would always be mine, in real life, she'd had to give up on us. For her own survival. And now here I was, all these years later, asking her to give us another chance, after all she'd had to go through to put us behind her.

As much as I hated it, I understood her reasoning. Of course her logic made sense to me. It was the same logic I'd used when I'd decided to leave her all those years ago. That she was human; that being with me meant she'd have to give up everyone and everything else in her life. All these years later, and my own logic was being turned against me. Because although it made sense, it didn't matter. None of it mattered. All that mattered now was that logical or illogical, she and I belonged together.

I opened my eyes and steeled myself for the last letter from Bella.

_January 2009_

_Edward,_

_It's been a long time since I've written you. Honestly, I've purposely kept myself from doing so for these past couple of years. You see, part of keeping the past behind me and living in the present should entail not writing letters to someone who you haven't heard from in almost three and a half years and who you have nowhere to mail said letter to. But I find myself unable to keep myself from sharing today's events with you. It's during moments like these when your absence is most noticeable to me._

_Today I signed a lease on the property right next to Newton's Outfitters. I plan on turning it into a bookstore here in Forks. I'll be graduating from college in a few months, and after talking it over with Charlie and Jake, I've decided that this is what I want to do._

_As the previous owners handed me the deed to the property and I stretched out my hands across the table to take the keys from them, I suddenly imagined you sitting next to me, your back straight and proud, a bemused half smile playing on your lips, and I wondered what you'd think of all this. Would you be proud of me? Would you look at the past few years of my life, at my college career, at my continued relationship with my father, at my career choice, even at my relationship with Jake, and be proud of how I've gone on without you? _

_I've done my best. In school, I've kept my GPA up. Jake teases me now that I'm almost done with school. He tells me that I should've let loose a bit during my college years; that I should've at least found out the rules to Beer Pong before graduation. But I know he's just teasing. He teases that my mind is always busy; always focused, but it's just because he doesn't know. He doesn't understand what happens, or when and where it wanders to if I let it idle for too long. If he knew, he wouldn't be so quick to tease. _

_But anyway, as I sat there at the Real Estate Attorney's office signing papers making me the owner of that little space, I realized that in the end, it's you I need to thank for all this. I suppose you made the right decision four years ago, when you didn't let me leave Forks with you. I would've missed out on all this. I wouldn't have this little space that I hope to turn into a store of my own. I wouldn't have been there for my dad when he had that minor stroke a couple of years ago. I wouldn't have been there to help nurse him back to health, and to make sure he eats healthier now, and exercises more than just his arm by throwing the line into the water. I wouldn't have met Gabby. She's become a really good friend, and I'm grateful for her presence in my life. I wouldn't have Seth, or even Leah in my life. They can be pains sometimes, but they certainly keep everything interesting. _

_I wouldn't have Jake. Jake's a very big part of my life now, and its hard to talk about some aspect of it without including Jake in it somehow. I think you'd like him, if you were still around. I think he'd probably like you too (well, except for the whole vampire slash werewolf thing, I suppose). But if we were just three regular people who happened to have met at some point in our lives, I think you and he could've been friends. You have a lot in common. _

_The trade for all this of course, for all I have now, is not having you. _

_Whether it was a fair trade or not is no longer the issue. I want you to know I've come to terms with the way my life has progressed. You were never meant for me, I see that now. An angel can't and shouldn't settle for a mere human, and regardless of what you say Edward, you are an angel. You were an angel sent to me during a time when I needed you most. That I ever had you at all is more than I could ever ask for. I've been blessed by having known you and your family, by having parents who love me deeply, and by having Jake and his family. I wouldn't change the way any part of my life has played out if it meant having to give any of you up. _

_So thank you Edward, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for allowing me this happiness. I pray that wherever you are, you've found your happiness as well. You deserve the best, wherever that may take you._

_Yours,_

_Bella _

For hours after I finished Bella's letters, I knelt there in the dirt, clutching the letters and trying to determine why she'd decided to give them to me. When writing them, she'd obviously never expected to be able to. But here I was, so many years later, reading words she'd put to paper during her darkest times, as well as during her proudest accomplishments. That she'd wanted to share these moments with me, to help me understand what she'd been thinking, what she'd been going through while I was gone, was obvious. But there was more to what she was doing by giving me these letters now. Over the years, Bella had slowly convinced herself that my leaving was not just to be expected, but also for the best. She'd grown. She'd matured. Her way of thinking had changed.

She was human.

She'd met someone else who could give her the love I'd taken away from her. Could Jacob and I have been friends under another set of circumstances? Perhaps. I guess we'd never know now.

By giving me these letters that she'd written more for herself – as a way to come to terms with what had happened – Bella was trying to convince me that what we'd once shared was beautiful, but that it was over now.

And as much as I hated to have to contradict her, I had to respectfully object.

I wasn't giving up. I meant what I said to her last week in front of my house. I was going to fight for her, to the very end. Until she sent me away. Not with letters from the past, but with words spoken directly to me. Or until she accepted Jacob's proposal, a true indication that she'd really picked him over me.

I stood up quickly and purposefully, running back to my house with renewed energy.

I was selfish. I accepted that now. I was a monster. I accepted that too.

But I was Bella's selfish monster.

I had one more chance, tonight at her graduation dance, to convince her of that fact; that one fact that made every other fact, every other argument moot and inconsequential.

I was hers and she was mine.

And this time, it would be forever.

* * *

**Angsty, I know. Next chapter is the dance. It'll be fluffy and angsty. It should be…interesting, to say the least. Lots will be happening, I promise.**

**For those of you who review regularly, please and thank you. For those who don't, how about starting now? I'd really love to hear from you and get your thoughts on Edward's new attitude. Thanks!**

**Don't forget to put me on Author Alert so you'll be notified when the new story's up and the one-shot to this story!**


	24. Chapter 25 Let's go back to the start

**A/N: Hi there all. Sorry this took longer than expected. Don't know if this is good news or bad news, but this chapter here is the longest chapter yet! The next chapter is ready too (although not quite as long), and will be posted in a couple of days! A few things:**

**If you haven't already, I STRONGLY recommend you read "What's at Stake" prior to starting this… It's a little one-shot I did regarding the bet the Cullen siblings had going regarding Edward and Bella's make up. A lot of things in this chapter will make a lot more sense if you read that first! You can either go to my profile page for the link to the story, or type in ****http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5895798/1/Whats_at_Stake#**

**(you know the routine… add the (.) and remove the (dot) **

**I just updated my profile to add links to pics of Alice and Bella's dresses, in case any of you are interested, but the changes haven't gone through yet. Hopefully they'll be up there soon, if not I'll have to figure something else out for you guys. **

**I know Bella's dress may seem a bit more…revealing than something she'd normally wear, but I saw that dress and I absolutely, love, love, loved it! And the color was so right, and I could **_**so**_** picture her being forced into it by Alice. So I hope you all don't think it was too much of a stretch! Alice's dress is I believe, appropriately tacky! (Read What's at Stake so you'll understand)!**

**Also, I've added a link to Bella's Lullaby, for those of you who want to hear it. It's not the same one from the movie Twilight. The one by Carter Burwell made the cut, but I personally always liked this one more, because it is just a piano piece, the way Edward supposedly wrote it. Anyway, the name of the piece is River Flows in You, by Yiruma, but it also goes by Bella's Lullaby. **

**And don't forget to put me on Author Alert so you can be notified when my new story goes up. Another E& B piece, of course, except they're all human this time. I'm planning on posting the first chapter or two before this story ends, so it'll be soon!**

**Only got a few chapters left in this story, so just bare with me for a couple of more chapters, and you guys WILL get what you've been waiting for. Trust me. We're almost there.**

**Thanks to my darling BETAs, ADgroovy and Danna0724, who work really hard to make sure this story makes sense!**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, except for my little Gabby, who is really special! **

**Chapter 25 – Let's go back to the Start**

_Come out to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Oh, let's go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails, heads on a science apart. Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start__**. – The Scientist, Coldplay**_

**BPOV**

I kept an anxious lookout from my bedroom window, waiting for Alice and Rosalie to arrive. For about the twentieth time this afternoon, I questioned how sane I'd actually been when I'd agreed to go to this stupid dance. I must've been out of my mind that evening when Alice had suggested it and I'd somehow gone along with it; in an Edward-induced trance or something; or mentally manipulated by Jasper. Probably a bit of both. That could be the only reasonable explanation for why I was going to this thing voluntarily tonight, instead of tied up and gagged by Alice in the trunk of one of their cars.

As I continued scanning the block nervously, my hands stayed busy at the hem of my black dress, smoothing down the crinkly material. I turned around to steal a quick look at myself in my dresser mirror. Not too bad, I shrugged. Renee had picked out the dress during our quick shopping trip in Port Angeles this morning. She'd wanted to linger in the department store after, but I'd coaxed her out quickly, reminding her that Phil and my Dad were home alone, together, and that Charlie wouldn't hesitate to pull out pictures from her late 80's "big hair" phase if we took to long. That got her out of there quickly.

I turned back towards the window and my eyes quickly fell on a red VW Beetle, the same exact color and model as mine, parked across the street. I frowned; sure that car hadn't been there a few moments ago.

The doorbell suddenly ran and I jumped, banging my head on the window pane. I was more than a little jittery tonight, and it was more than just the dreadful dance that had me this way.

This was it. The evening was beginning and, although I wasn't anxious to get to Seattle tonight for the dance, I couldn't help but feel excited. Edward would be there tonight. I took a few deep breaths as I made my way down the stairs carefully, in the designer shoes Alice had forced on me in New York.

I'd see Edward tonight, and I'd make him give me the answers to the questions I still had. Why had he really left me almost five years ago? Yes, I knew the standard response by now; to keep me safe from harm. But there was more to it than that. I knew it; I could feel it in my heart when he looked at me with those piercing gold eyes, so full of secrets. And what exactly had he been doing for the past few years? He knew everything about me. He knew how _I'd_ felt when he'd left. He knew now, thanks to the letters I'd given him last night, what _I'd_ gone through while he'd been away all those years. It was only fair that I know what _he'd _been doing also. I'd get my answer tonight.

A thrill shot up my spine, knowing that each move brought me closer to seeing Edward soon, and to the answers I needed.

And then I shuddered. Answers wouldn't change anything. Either way, after tonight, I had to put all this behind me. I'd made a promise to Jake, that once graduation was over, he and I would begin moving forward. And no matter what came out of tonight's talk with Edward, I couldn't go back on that promise.

Renee, Charlie and Phil each gave me whistles of approval from where they sat in the living room.

"Bella, you look wonderful!" Renee exclaimed as I turned the knob to open the door.

"Bella-what-the-hell-are-you-wearing?" Alice moaned as soon as the door was fully opened. "Are you kidding me or something? Is this some sort of sick joke? Because after the night and morning I've had, believe you me, I am in no mood for one of your practical jokes!" I heard Rosalie, standing at her side, snickering in amusement, before they both rushed past me into the house quicker than you could say "rude vampires."

"Thanks, you look great too," I muttered sarcastically as I closed the door. I turned back to face them. Rosalie, as usual, looked absolutely gorgeous in a deep red strapless gown with a full skirt. Her matching red heels were so high I was sure they'd have to be registered as a deadly weapon in some states. Her lips were stained in the exact same shade as her dress and shoes, and her beautiful golden locks were piled loosely in a messy bun at the top of her head. She was definitely dressed to kill tonight, literally.

Alice was wearing…I frowned and cocked my head to the side, curious, as I took in Alice's appearance. It's not that she didn't look good. She looked great, of course. But there was something…peculiar about the dress she was wearing, something I couldn't quite place my finger on. It was pretty; short, black and white and like mine, strapless. As I stared at her for a couple of seconds, wondering why she was sporting such a deep scowl on her face - when tonight had been entirely her idea in the first place – I suddenly realized what was strange about her dress.

"Alice, your dress looks a lot like mine!" I pointed out proudly, motioning with my hand from her dress to my own. I smiled, pleased that I'd been able to pick something that Alice would approve of.

Her scowl deepened and her eyes narrowed, and Rosalie snickered again. "Hmph," she snorted. "That is _so_ not something to be proud of." I scrunched my eyebrows. Alice placed her hands on her tiny hips. "Where the heck is the dress we bought you in New York?" she demanded in a shrill, annoyed tone.

I rolled my eyes. Damn. Had I really expected her to forget about that dress? "Oh. That. Well, its somewhere in my closet, but I couldn't-"

Alice put a hand up, palm out, to stop me. "Please Bella. Don't insult me by telling me you couldn't find it. You forget who you're talking to." She heaved an irritated sigh and turned around, heading up the stairs. Rosalie and I watched her tiny, retreating form. "Let's go! Chop, chop!" she called out without looking back. "Rose, my supplies please." Rosalie held up a black bag I hadn't noticed before. She looked over at me and jerked her head in Alice's direction, signaling I should follow. As Rose followed Alice up the stairs, I took a deep breath and followed them up. Oh well, I suppose it had been worth a try.

Half an hour later, Rose was completing the finishing touches on my hair, while I desperately tried to tug the sides of my very short blue dress inward to minimize the amount of skin showing between my breasts. The mesh overlay, which was supposedly helping to cover me up and keep me in place, did nothing to comfort me.

"Bella, stop pulling on the dress, you're going to move your tape around! I won't be responsible if those things pop out all over the place," Alice scolded with a wild wave of her arm towards the vicinity of said "things." I felt my face burning hot, and I hadn't even left the safety of my room yet.

"Alice, please. Be reasonable! I cannot walk around in this!" I begged for the fiftieth time since she'd barged into my room, forcing me to play Cinderella with her. She was acting more like some deranged fairy godmother from hell today than like the little pixie fairy from one of those other children's books.

Alice glared at me from across the room. "You can, and you will!" She turned back to the full size mirror behind my bedroom door, scowling at herself. "If I have to walk around in this…this monstrosity from the Jaclyn Smith Collection, the least you can do is let me dress you up so that at least one of us looks half-way decent tonight!"

"Hey, hey, hey. I resent that," Rosalie broke in, as she completed the finishing touches on my hair. "Just because you look like some left over reject from Sixteen Candles." She mumbled something else, too quickly for me to understand, but before I could ask her what she'd said, Alice wheeled on her.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I don't have to drive around Washington in that poor excuse for a vehicle. Piece of advice? Never drive a car named after a bug," she taunted Rosalie, who glared at her as if she were getting ready to pounce on her.

"Hey, wait a minute! That's the same car I drive. Now _I_ resent that!" I pointed out to them, but neither one of them paid me any mind as they sneered at each other.

"What in the world is going on with you two?" I asked, exasperated by their confusing attitudes today.

They both turned to look at me then, but neither answered. Rosalie finished doing my hair and put her equipment away so quickly everything was just a blur to me.

"Let's just get going," Rosalie muttered. "The guys are going to be waiting for us in Seattle, at the dance. The quicker we can get this night over with, the better."

"Well, we're not getting anywhere quickly in that thing," Alice said, pointing her thumb out the window and towards the car they'd arrived in. "We might as well just be taking public transportation."

Rosalie snorted. "Yeah, that's for sure," she agreed with a hard chuckle.

I stared at them, about to ask them again what there problem was, but then decided against it. If I needed to, I'd find out from Emmett what was going on. In the meantime, I had enough to keep my mind occupied; wondering what would happen with Edward tonight.

Rosalie and Alice walked out of the room, and I begrudgingly followed them, tugging on the hem of my dress and still pulling on the top of it to try to cover up some skin.

"For the love of all that's holy Bella, leave the dress alone!" Alice growled without looking back. "Hmph!" I complained, but left it alone. I was sure I'd never seen Alice in such a bad mood.

We arrived in front of the Seattle Hilton two hours later. If possible, Alice and Rosalie's moods had grown even darker on the way over. It got so bad during those last five minutes of the drive that I was getting ready to beg one or the other to just suck me dry already so that I wouldn't have to deal with listening to them whine and complain anymore.

Rosalie handed the car keys to Valet with a smirk. I could've sworn I heard her mumble something that sounded like "Lose it. Please," to him as he took the keys from her, his eyes growing wide at the melodic sound of her voice. Or it could have been how low her dress was cut that had his eyes growing wide also.

The three of us stood there for a moment after the valet drove the car away to be parked, almost hitting another car as he turned back to gape at Rosalie one last time. "Great job driving there Rosalie." Alice's tone was mocking as she turned to smile sweetly at Rose. "Next time though, you may want to slow down a bit, Mario Andretti. I think there may have been a turtle or two that didn't actually beat us here," she smirked.

"Hey!" Rosalie protested, her hands at her hips. "I did the best I could, considering the crap I had to work with!" Again, I considered saying something to defend my car's poor twin, but changed my mind upon closer inspection of Rosalie's angry features. The last thing I needed was to get on Rosalie's bad side again. "You can just go-" she began, before spotting something behind Alice. A huge grin spread across her lovely face. She brought her eyes back to Alice.

"Oh Alice? It seems like you're not the only one sporting Jaclyn Smith's latest couture," she said, still grinning wickedly. Alice whirled around to see what Rosalie was talking about. We both spotted her at the same time; a girl entering the Hotel, obviously headed for the dance, wearing the exact same short black and white strapless dress that Alice had on tonight. A dress that I still couldn't figure out why she wore, when she obviously hated it. Alice's face contorted into one of horror, as she watched the girl's retreating form disappear into the building. Rosalie laughed lightly, watching her.

"Ah," Rose chuckled. "Isn't this wonderful Alice?" she teased her. "Your very own Bobsy twin!" She clasped her hands together, enjoying the horrified look on Alice. "Hey, maybe you should go catch up to her! You two can become BFFs, and after the dance you can have a sleepover, and stay up late talking about boys, and do each other's hair and makeup the same too, since you both seem to have such similar taste!"

Alice wheeled on Rosalie, the look of horror quickly replaced with a murderous glare. Rosalie dropped her smile and glared back at Alice. I took a step back from them, not wanting to be too close when they both erupted. I wanted to remind them of all the unsuspecting, innocent human bystanders, but before I could say anything, a loud, booming voice echoed from the entrance to the hotel.

"Bella!" I turned around quickly to see Emmett bounding towards us. He reached me in a flash, although not too fast as to raise suspicion in front of all the human eyes. Picking me up off the ground and twirling me around in his big, brawny arms, he set me down and took a look at me. "Aw man!" he laughed. "Edward, are you seeing this?" he asked in a low voice, as if he were speaking to someone right next to him. "Looks like you're gonna have your hands full keeping all those young, college frat boys off of Bella tonight!"

I felt my cheeks getting hot as I tried to adjust myself again, making Emmett laugh even harder. "You can pull all you want there little sister," he chuckled. "It ain't gonna make the dress grow the piece that's missing!" I'm sure I turned impossibly redder, especially as I realized Edward must have been somewhere nearby for Emmett to be talking to him as if he were right next to us, and that although I couldn't see him yet, he was most probably getting an eyeful of me right now, courtesy of Emmett's not so private mind. At that moment, I was ready to ally myself with Rosalie and help her tear Alice up into tiny pieces. This was _so_ not the right dress for the conversation I needed to have with Edward tonight.

As if seeing my intentions, Alice turned her glare towards her big brother. "Emmett, please!" she hissed. "I had a hard enough time getting her out here in that dress. Don't get her started." She turned back to glance at Rose. "Hmph!" she said as she raised her chin and walked closer to Emmett and me. Rose rolled her eyes. "I would've had you and you know it," she muttered, walking over to us too.

As she approached, Emmett gave Rosalie an overly appreciative once over that left me feeling exposed and uncomfortable, but which seemed to be exactly what Rosalie needed to undo her negative attitude and make her smile again. Well, whatever worked for them, I guessed.

"Where are Edward and Jasper?" Alice asked - unlike Rosalie - still sounding irritated. "The least those two could do is meet us out here. Bad enough we had to ride over here in Rose's little punch buggy while you three got to ride in style." I watched Rosalie for her reaction to Alice's latest jab, but she and Emmett were too self-absorbed with each other to notice much of anything else.

"They're inside," he answered in a low voice, keeping his eyes trained on Rose, which ----based on the seductive smile on her face- she was definitely enjoying. "Something about taking care of some business with the Deejay," he mumbled. "I'm to escort you three beautiful ladies inside," he said more to Rosalie than to the rest of us. "Shall we ladies?" He took Rosalie's arm and put his other arm hand out in front of him to signal that Alice and I should lead the way.

As we made our way into the hotel, I could hear the distinct sounds of loud music coming from one of the halls. The song was one which I was sure was probably playing a starring role at most graduation dances this summer.

'_I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night!'_

I wasn't so sure about that. We followed the sounds, the pounding of my heart growing steadily to match the pounding rhythm of the music playing. My anxiety grew with every step I took. I knew that Edward was only a few short feet away now, and that among all the dancing, and partying and celebrating going on tonight, he and I would have to find a way to have a talk that might not make this such a good, good night after all. I started sucking in a deep breath as we reached the large doors leading to the dance hall, but then I remembered my dress and the few pieces of tape that were keeping me together, and I stopped myself and turned to give Alice one last glare before going inside.

As soon as I walked into the room, it was as if some electrical charge coursed through me, and before noticing anything else in the room - the decorations, the people, the lights, the tables, anything - my eyes found him. He was standing across the room with Jasper, and my heart constricted at the sight of him. He was staring right at me, as if he'd been standing there waiting for the moment when I would walk in. His face broke into that beautiful, crooked grin that quickened my pulse no matter how many times in my life I saw it. He looked heartbreakingly perfect in his dark tuxedo, which made his shocking bronze hair stand out even more. I immediately felt sorry for every other man, and every other woman for that matter, in the room, because no one, not even Rosalie, could hold a candle to him. I saw him take a deep breath as he began to walk towards us, to where I stood frozen to the spot; unable to make myself take another step. Some part of me was subconsciously aware of my surroundings; of Jasper also walking towards us with his eyes trained on the little devil standing next to me, of Emmett and Rose taking to the dance floor as soon as we'd walked in; of the purple, black and white flowers and balloons on the tables and ceiling, of the girls stopping their conversations and turning to openly gape at Edward as he passed them. But whether I wanted to or not, I could look at nothing else, could move no part of my body; couldn't take another breath as I watched Edward make his way through the crowd to me. He stopped just in front of me, and through my periphery vision I could see some of the girls turning away, frustrated looks on their faces as they saw him standing with me.

"Bella, there are no words to describe how beautiful you look tonight," he breathed, and although the music was pounding in my ears, he stood so close I didn't have to strain to hear him.

"Thank you," I murmured, feeling slightly self-conscious. I could feel the blood pooling in my face and arms.

Edward smiled and chuckled lightly. He brought a hand to my cheek, caressing it gently. "Ahh, that wonderful color. It never ceases to amaze me how a simple color could radiate such warmth." I blushed even further. He chuckled again.

"Bella, you're here!" I suddenly heard from just behind me. I turned around quickly and saw Gabby making her way towards me. Alice and Jasper had already gone to the dance floor, so it was just Edward and I standing by the doors.

"Hi Gabby!" I said, feeling more than a little guilty. With all the weirdness with Rose and Alice this afternoon, and with my anxiousness at knowing I was going to see Edward here, I'd completely forgotten I'd told Gabby to meet me here. She gave me a quick hug and stood back to admire the flimsy piece of material on me that was posing as a dress.

"Whew Whew!" she whistled. "Look at you! You look like you belong at the Oscars, or a big movie premiere at least. That dress looks great on you!" she complimented.

"Um, thanks," I muttered, trying to somehow discreetly adjust myself again. Gabby eyed me curiously, before laughing and swatting my hands away. "Oh leave that alone! You look wonderful," she assured me. "Doesn't she Edward?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Yes, she absolutely does," he agreed. "As do you Gabby," he added. "How are you tonight?" he enquired, like the perfect gentleman.

"I'm well, thanks," she answered with a pleasant smile. It made me happy to see how easily Gabby had taken to the Cullens, and vice versa. Even Angela, back in high school, had had a harder time warming up to them, and she'd tried. I wondered for an instant if Gabby had been born lacking the same instinct for self-preservation that Edward had once teased me I was missing. It would explain why she appeared so at ease with my supernatural family. It obviously wasn't just anyone that could feel so at ease being in such proximity to the supernatural. "I was worried I'd have a hard time finding you guys in this large crowd tonight," she teased, because it was obvious to anyone with two eyes, there was no missing the Cullens, they all stood out like perfectly carved statues among the rest of us po' folk.

"Nonsense," Edward replied. "We would've made sure we found you. Alice told me you'd be joining us. We've reserved a table for seven, if that's alright with you." His voice was smooth and sincere, and I had to resist the urge to reach out to him and squeeze his hand in gratitude for how kind he was to my friend.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Gabby asked.

"Of course it is!" I assured her, taking her hand and squeezing it instead, to keep myself from giving in to my urge. Gabby smiled widely before growing serious as she looked between Edward and me.

"Oh! Were you two about to go dance or something? Don't worry about me, I'll just go-"

"Oh, no, no!" I exclaimed quickly. "We were just talking. I'm not going out there," I cried, pointing to the dance floor with my thumb, my eyes widening in horror at just the thought of trying to dance in the heels Alice had forced on me.

At the thought of her name, Alice appeared, just like the old saying about speaking about the devil. I still hadn't forgiven her for the whole dress thing and for her attitude all the way over here. Although by the looks of her, her mood seemed to have improved.

"Alice!" Gabby exclaimed in a friendly tone. "You look so beautiful," she added.

The smile Alice had been wearing suddenly fell from her face. "Gabby," she began, in a serious voice, "you and I have become pretty well acquainted over the past few weeks, friendly even I would venture to say. Please don't insult me or our friendship by lying to me so blatantly."

Gabby's eyes grew wide with confusion. She looked at me as if asking me what that was all about. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, giving her a look that said 'don't even ask.'

"Um, sorry?" Gabby offered.

Alice's features softened. "It's okay," she responded, sounding as if she was completely ready to put whatever imagined transgression Gabby had committed behind her. "Let's just pretend it never happened. Now," she continued, taking Gabby and me each by an arm. I thought I saw Gabby shiver a bit, and figured she must've noticed how cold Alice felt, but she said nothing. Yes, she was definitely good with strange. "Let's take us a walksy over to the bar area over there," Alice demanded. "Bella, I hear a rumor there's a friend of yours over there." I furrowed my brows, wondering who she could be talking about. "Goes by first name Piña, last name Colada. I hear it would like to make its acquaintance with you once again," she giggled.

"Uh Alice, that may not be such a good idea. Remember what happened last time?" I tried to remind her.

She chuckled. "Yes, I definitely do. Come on."

"Alice," Edward's warning voice came from behind us, as she began to lead us away.

Alice glanced back to speak to Edward hurriedly. "Edward, wait for us at the table."

"Alice," Edward warned again.

"Bye Edward," Alice laughed, ignoring his obvious misgivings and leading us on.

Before we walked away, Edward came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder to stop me for a second. He leaned into me and I had to close my eyes to keep from shuddering against his touch. "Don't forget Bella, a few weeks ago you promised me a dance tonight," he whispered in my ear. I simply nodded, unable to form any words in response. Slowly, as if unwillingly, he took his hand off my shoulder and I somehow remembered how to move my legs again. I was sure both he and Alice could hear how my heart beat like a racehorse.

I looked over at Alice; the corners of her mouth were twitching. Yes, she could definitely hear it.

"Oh relax Bella!" she moaned. "I won't let you get like last time. You just need to loosen up a bit. Jeez, you're stiffer than we are right now!" she whispered into my ear.

We ordered our drinks at the bar, and when I turned around Rosalie was standing behind me. Alice turned away from the bar to give out the drinks. She put one in my hand, one in Gabby's and then handed one to Rosalie before picking up one for herself. Rosalie accepted the drink from her as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and as we made our way to our table, they each pretended to take sips from their glasses. I glared at her, completely weirded out by how strange she was acting tonight.

"Hey, they look good in our hands," Alice explained easily.

We sat at the table and made small talk. The guys all rolled their eyes at Alice when she offered them a sip of her drink. I was grateful that the guys had all sat on one side of the table while we girls sat together on the other side. This made it seem like less of a date night, and more like friends out together. I felt guilty enough as it was being here without Jacob. I wondered momentarily what he would think of me in this dress, which made me feel even guiltier. My eyes automatically went to Edward, and I realized he was watching me, and even though I knew he couldn't read my mind, I was sure he somehow knew what, or rather who, I'd been thinking about. And then I felt guilty for that too. I tried to look away from him, afraid of the confusion he'd read in my eyes, but it was impossible, and suddenly I was sure my eyes were reflecting more than confusion, but that same desperate need that was in his. If Edward and I didn't talk soon I was going to literally go out of my mind.

"…love to be a fly on the wall, or rather a flea on their fur, when they see it," I could vaguely hear Emmett chuckling, as he said something to Jasper. Jasper laughed back. "Or as your friend Seth would say, 'a leach on their fur.'" They both burst out into fits of laughter. But Edward and I were still locked in each other's gaze, and I couldn't follow the conversation.

"…but Alice, you really do look beautiful!" Gabby's insistent voice sounded so far away. "It looks much better on you than it does on her! Really!"

"Hmph!" I heard from Alice's direction.

I couldn't even turn to agree with Gabby as Edward's golden eyes bore into mine, silently pleading with me.

'_What Edward?'_ I asked him with my eyes. _'What do you want?'_ I pleaded, even though I knew the answer. It was as clear as if he were shouting it to me from across the table.

'_You.'_ his eyes said. _'I want you.'_

The conversations around us continued as Edward and I carried on our own private conversation.

"…better not suddenly all get sleepy!" Alice hissed at Jasper from across the table. "If I had to walk out of the house looking like this" – out of the corner of my eye I could vaguely see as she pointed to herself – "then you'd better do your yankee doodlin' in front of a wide awake crowd!" I had no idea what she was talking about, but I couldn't have cared less as long as Edward continued to look at me like that, like their was no one else in the room, no one else in the entire world, but me. I grabbed on to the arm of my chair, forcing myself to stay in my seat.

'_I can't Edward! I can't!_ I begged him to understand, but his gaze was unwavering.

He wasn't giving up. _'You're mine,'_ his eyes said. _'In your heart, you know you're mine.' _And I knew my eyes only confirmed his words.

"…ask Bella Rosie. She's got the same car. There must be a way to make it go over 50 miles an hour. Right Bella?" Emmett's loud voice sounded like a weak echo in my ears. Edward's eyes held me and sent a burning through me that I couldn't ignore, a magnetic pull to him that just got stronger and stronger as each moment passed. My nails dug into the arm chair as my desire to go to him multiplied exponentially, as he pulled me in with his eyes.

"Bella?" Emmett repeated. The whole table stopped their conversations and looked at me.

"Bella!" Emmett roared. I blinked my eyes twice and shook my head, trying desperately to snap out of my Edward-induced haze.

"I'm sorry Emmett," I apologized quickly, feeling the familiar heat to my face. "What did you say?"

Emmett looked from me to Edward and smirked, rolling his eyes. He grinned evilly. "I was saying, it's time to get on the dance floor Jelly Belly! Straighten out that tiny dress and let's get going!" He stood up laughing and started stalking over to me. I could tell he was ready to carry me onto the dance floor if I put up a fight.

"No Emmett! Please! Fine, Fine! I'll go! Don't come any closer!" I begged, putting my hands up, palms out, as if that could stop him. Edward stood quickly and walked over to my side. "Don't worry Bella, I've got you," he said softly, and put his hand out to me. And without even thinking twice, I put my hand in his. The electric current that was always there when we touched shot through me, and I thought I saw Edward swallow as I stood up next to him. He gazed down at me for a few seconds before leading me away from the table. As we started walking, I looked over at Gabby, Alice and Rose, to make sure they were coming too. I knew Edward and I had to be alone at some point tonight, but I just wasn't ready for it yet. Luckily, they seemed to read my nervousness, and were already standing up.

We all headed towards the dance floor. The music was loud and fast, and Rosalie and Alice wasted no time finding their groove. They danced together, leaving Emmett and Jasper to fend for themselves on the dance floor, which they did so without a problem. Meanwhile, Gabby, Edward and I stood off to the side watching, as little by little, everyone else on the dance floor stopped their movements to gape openly at the unbelievably beautiful, and of course, rhythmically-gifted four who had taken over the dance floor. Gabby laughed as we watched everyone move to the sides, like the parting of the Red Sea. After a few short minutes, some of the other people seemed to gather enough courage to join in the dancing again, and that's when Gabby looked over at me with excited eyes. She tugged on my arm.

"Alright Bella. You know what they say, 'When in Rome…," she laughed. And for some reason, probably the Piña Colada Alice had so cleverly given me a short while ago, I didn't feel as overwhelmingly nervous as I normally would have. I looked over at Edward next to me, who was watching me intently. He had a crooked smile on his lips and his golden eyes were sparkling, the reflection of the disco ball above bounced the light off of his bronze hair.

"Go on Bella," he encouraged, smiling. As Gabby dragged me away, I looked back, inclining my head in question, to see if he was going to join us. "I'll be right there," he mouthed back before Gabby whirled me around and I found myself dancing with her and the rest of our group.

It was fun, actually, because I wasn't dancing by myself. We were all dancing as a group; none of us were paired off, so it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. My eyes quickly went looking for Edward, and I found him still standing off to the side, watching me intently with his lazy, crooked smile. And once again, I couldn't look away. It was as if he had some sort of hold on me tonight, as if I were placed in some sort of trance as soon as our eyes met. But the thing was, I didn't want to look away; I didn't want to break this trance. It was wrong; God, it was all kinds of wrong, I knew that. But after tonight, after we spoke, after the magical illusion the lights were casting all around us ended, and after the music died down, and after my tiny fairy godmother and her evil sidekick drove me back home, reality would come crashing down again. And I needed to hold on to this for just a little longer; to this spell, to this illusion, to my fairy tale and my own Prince Charming. For just a little longer. It was selfish, but I just couldn't look away.

While I continued dancing, locked in Edward's gaze, out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Emmett put his arm out towards the Deejay and point at him with his index finger, as if giving him some sort of signal. Instantly, the song that had just been playing stopped midway and a popular favorite began. The crowd loudly yelled their approval, and I could hear Emmett singing suddenly.

'_I'm bringing sexy back, them other boys don't know how to act.'_

Edward rolled his eyes and raised his chin, indicating I should take a look in Emmett's direction. I looked away from Edward and turned my attention to my dance group. The dynamics had suddenly changed dramatically. Rosalie had scooted over extremely close to Emmett, and Alice and Jasper were now dancing together too. That left Gabby and I dancing alone.

'_Dirty Babe,'_ Emmett continued singing and dancing, watching Rosalie with eyes like he was ready to pounce.

'_You see these shackles'_ – Emmett joined his hands together and put them in front of Rosalie, as if he were really shackled – _'I'm your slave.'_ Rosalie smiled seductively.

'_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave. It's just that no one makes me feel this way.' _

I suddenly felt Edward's hand lightly on my waist. His cold, hard lips grazed my ear as he whispered something to me.

"My sisters have a weakness for Justin Timberlake." I nodded my understanding. Who didn't?

We continued to watch the spectacle before me. Rosalie now placed her arms on Emmett's chest, and the dancing between the two got even more intense, with hips grinding and gyrating embarrassingly, although they looked anything but embarrassed at the moment. It was strange; _I _was embarrassed for them, and disgusted at the same time. Yet, like one of those bad car accidents on the freeway, where you know you shouldn't stare but you can't make yourself look away, I was mesmerized.

Emmett suddenly placed his hands behind Rose, bringing her impossibly closer to him.

'_Come here girl. Come to the back.'_ He jerked his head to the side, pointing with his head in the direction of the exit.

'_Get your sexy on.'_

Emmett and Rose abruptly stopped dancing. He took her by the hand and guided her off the dance floor as quickly as possible in front of all the watching, human eyes.

"I'll-be-back-in-a-few-Bella," Rose called out as she ran off the dance floor with Emmett. I shook my head. Oh well, at least Alice and Gabby were still here with me.

Once Emmett and Rose rushed out of the hall, everyone who'd stopped to watch the show resumed their dancing. My eyes searched out Edward again, and I saw he'd returned to his spot just off the dance floor. I wondered if he'd ever join us. As the song died down, Jasper quickly put his arm out towards the Deejay, giving him a signal with his index finger, much as Emmett just had. The song morphed into another one of Mr. Timberlake's greatest hits, although a slower one. This time, Jasper sang along.

'_You were my sun. You were my Earth._

_But you didn't know all the ways that I loved you, no'_

Alice flew into Jasper's arms, dancing much the same as Emmett and Rosalie just had, though decidedly slower. Again, we all stopped to watch. It looked like some sort of mating ritual on Animal Planet.

'_You told me you loved me, why did you leave me all alone?'_

I felt Edward at my side again, as we all stood transfixed. "Jasper finds this song to be more suited to the Southern gentleman in him," he explained. I simply nodded, not knowing what to say. Of course, what gentleman didn't want his girlfriend to cry him a river?

Halfway through the song, Alice was dragging Jasper off the dance floor. She looked up at me slightly apologetically as she passed me. "I'll-be-right-back-I promise-Bella."

Traitors. I sighed and shook my head, wondering why I was surprised. At least I still had Gabby. I turned to face her, ready to get off the dance floor. She was waving happily to someone over on the other side of the room.

"Hey Bella, I see one of the girls from my English Lit class. I want to ask her something." She must've seen the anxious look on my face because she quickly added, "but I can go talk to her later, if you want me to stay with you now."

I was about to take her up on her offer when I felt a cool arm encircle my waist from behind. "Are you ready for _our _dance now Bella?" Edward murmured in my ear. Panic almost set in as I wondered what song he had in mind for us, but then I heard a soft, sweet ballad begin. Gabby smiled at us tenderly and gave me an encouraging wink before making her way towards her friend.

I turned around to face Edward and nodded. It was time.

He led me to the middle of the dance floor, and put his arms around my waist. I slowly slid my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest, amazed at the warmth going through me, regardless of the fact that his body was so cold. My heart was beating wildly, and I was sure he could not only hear it now, but feel it against his skin, especially considering there wasn't much covering up my heart at the moment.

We started moving slowly.

'_This time. This place. Misused. Mistakes._

_Too long. Too late. Who was I to make you wait?'_

His grip around me tightened, and I relaxed into his arms. The rest of the room melted away, until all that was left was just Edward and I, alone in our own little fairy tale, for as long as we could make it last.

_Just one chance. Just one breath. Just in case there's just one left._

'_Cause you know, you know, you know._

_That I love you._

_I have loved you all along._

_I miss you._

_Been far away for far too long.'_

Edward _had_ been far away for so long; but he was _here_ now. I held him closer to me, as if to prove to my heart that he really was here, after so long without him. I felt his strong, cool chin on top of my head, and I was sure his lips caressed my hair while we swayed together from side to side. His nose came down to skim my cheek lightly before bringing his lips next to my ear and singing along quietly.

'_On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance._

'_Cause with you I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand._

_I'd give it all, I'd give for us,'_ – his voice became fiercer and he pulled me to him tighter still as he sang the next words – _'Give anything but I won't give up.'_

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears on my lips. I didn't want him to give up. God, it would kill me if he ever gave up. But what did that mean? What hope did he and I have? Right now, we were together, in each other's arms. Right now, I could feel how much he loved me, and I was sure he felt how much I loved him, but that's all we had. And it wasn't enough. All I could give him was right now, this night, this moment, and then we'd have to say goodbye.

Edward must have felt my agony, or perhaps he felt my quiet sobs. Either way, he brought a hand down to my chin and raised my face to his. When our eyes met, my tears flowed more rapidly. Because I could see what I was doing to him. He was looking at me with so much love, so much regret for the past, so much hope for a future I couldn't promise him. And his eyes were pleading with me to give him one more chance. But how could I make him understand that I'd give him anything, anything in the world that was in my power to give him, but that one more chance was no longer mine to give?

He held my chin up to him gently, our eyes silently communicating everything we'd yet to speak out loud. Edward had always said he couldn't read me, but he didn't need to read my mind to know me. And knowing that made me feel horribly guilty. I tried to pull away from his gaze, but he held me firmly, his eyes both piercing and pleading at once as he sang the last part of the song to me.

'_I wanted, I wanted you to stay. 'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say, 'I love you. I've loved you all along. And I forgive you, for being away for far too long'_ – I choked on a sob and collapsed onto his chest. Didn't he know? Couldn't he feel how much I still loved him; and that I'd forgiven him for being away the second he'd walked back into my life?

He held me close to him and continued whispering the words into my ear.

'_So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore._

_Believe it. Hold on to me, never let me go. _

_Keep breathing. Hold on to me never let me go. _

_Keep breathing. Hold on to me never let me go.'_

And I held on to him. I held on to him as if for dear life because Edward was, and always would be, my life. I didn't know how I was going to survive without him this time. I'd lied to myself when I'd said I could let him go. I wasn't strong enough. Not anymore.

Lifting my head from his chest, I took his face between my hands and gave him all that I could give him now.

"I do love you Edward. I've loved you all along. And I forgave you a long time ago for being away for so long."

For a fraction of a second, I saw his face light up with a joy so intense, it took my breath away. My heart constricted in my chest at the glorious sight of a euphoric Edward. An Edward before realization dawned on him, that this was all I could offer, and that it wasn't what he thought it was. It was my love, it was my forgiveness, but nothing more. The agony that quickly replaced the joy in his eyes was more than I could take, because it was the same agony I was causing myself. I let go of him and made my way through the crowd as quickly as possible, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor.

My tears were blurring my vision so badly to the point where all I could see were vague shapes and colors. Somehow, I found my way to the ladies room. I yanked the door open, grateful that no one was in there, and locked myself in one of the stalls, silently sobbing.

I'd told Edward the truth, that I loved him. But there was so much more that still needed to be said between us. So many questions I still had. In the back of my mind, I briefly wondered when it would be enough though. When would I have enough information, enough answers, to be satiated, and to be able to call it a day? Would I really ever get enough, or was all this just an excuse, a subconscious attempt on my part to hold on to Edward for a little longer, with the excuse of needing answers.

"Ugh!" I moaned. I had to get myself together. I'd come here with a purpose tonight, and breaking down and locking myself in the bathroom wasn't going to get me any closer to the answers I needed. I'd get my answers, and then take the next step from there.

Time passed, I wasn't sure how much. At some point, the door to the bathroom opened, and I heard slow and hesitant heels crossing over to walk in front of the stalls.

"Bella, are you in there?" Gabby's worried voice broke me out of my misery, and I cleared my throat before answering.

"I'll be right out Gabs." My voice sounded rough and tired, as if I'd just woken up.

I took a few deep breaths and forced the tears back, wiping my face roughly to try to clean away the tear stains.

Gabby smiled, looking relieved, when I walked out of the stall.

I forced a smile. "What did I miss?"

She chuckled. "Well, after you left, things got _really_ weird."

I smiled wider at her attempt to cheer me up. "Weird how?"

"Well," she began, moving closer to me and lowering her voice. "Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper came back, looking like they'd…well, let's just say those bad moods you said the girls were in earlier? Yeah, those were completely gone." She chuckled and I couldn't help chuckling too. "Anyway, all of a sudden, Jasper's the one in the bad mood. He starts mumbling something about 'damn yanks' and don't people have better things to do than come to these stupid dances, and begging Alice to 'at least let him make them drowsy.'" She stopped, looking at me as if she were waiting for my reaction. I shrugged my shoulders and made a face that said I had no idea. "Anyway," she continued, "out of the blue, Jasper then walks over to the Deejay, takes the mike from him, gets on stage, and - get this - starts singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" in front of our entire graduating class." I started giggling, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. "But wait," Gabby went on, "the weirder thing is-"

"Weirder than that?" I interrupted her with a disbelieving snort.

"Uh huh," she confirmed. "The _weirder_ thing is, I remember him starting the Yankee Doodle, but I don't remember the end of it. It's like he went from 'Yankee Doodle went to town', to sitting on the other side of Alice in the next moment. And you know, I looked around the room, and everyone else looked like they'd just woken up from some sort of dream, or spell or something. It was really strange."

Gabby stopped abruptly and gave me a wary look. "Um, Bella. Jasper's not into drugs or anything like that, is he? I mean, he doesn't go around putting shady things in people's drinks or anything, does he?"

I chortled involuntarily. "No, he definitely doesn't Gabby," I assured her. She looked relieved.

I looked at her incredulously. She shrugged, indicating she had no idea what to make of it either. "Well," she continued, "the rest of the Cullens appeared to be unaffected by whatever was in the air out there. They were laughing hysterically. Alice even pulled out a little video cam from somewhere, which Jasper didn't seem to appreciate too much.

"Looks like you were all having a good time," I smiled.

"Yeah, well, not everyone," Gabby mentioned in a low voice. I stared at her, willing her to explain.

"Edward's been pretty anxious since you walked out. He started to come look for you a couple of times himself, but Alice kept looking up from her video cam and telling him to give you some space, and he'd sit down again, really frustrated. He really seems to value Alice's opinion, doesn't he?"

I gave one short chuckle. "Yes, that's one way to put it, I suppose."

Gabby nodded and then her eyebrows scrunched up. "Well, after a while, I started getting worried and told Alice I was going to come find you. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and when she opened them she said, 'Okay, that looks like it'll be fine.' Like she was checking on something first."

I wanted to roll my eyes at Alice's dramatics, but then I'd have to explain things to Gabby. I went with a shrug instead.

We were both quiet for a few seconds. I sighed then and shook my head. "What am I supposed to do Gab?"

She walked over to me and hugged me, knowing exactly what I was talking about without me having to spell it out to her. "Oh honey. I'm sorry, but that's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself." She pulled away and gazed at me sympathetically.

I drew in a deep breath. "The thing is, my mind tells me one thing, but my heart tells me something else." My voice was quivering now. "And they're both so good to me. How do I hurt either one?"

Gabby was quiet for a while; she kept her arm around my shoulder supportively. I didn't think she was going to answer. "Bella, both _are_ good, caring men," she suddenly said. "And from what I've heard of Jake and what I've seen of Edward, both would do anything in the world to make you happy." I nodded, knowing what she said was true.

"The thing is Bella" she gave me a soft, compassionate look, but her eyes were very serious, "only one really can."

The truth of her statement was so simple, so obvious, yet it wasn't until she'd said it that I'd realized it. Gabby was always so direct, so observant. I suppose that's why she'd majored in Philosophy.

"And vice versa," she continued, "you can only really make one of them happy."

"How do I figure out who I belong with?"

Gabby sighed. "Ah Bella, if I knew the answer to that, maybe I could find the right guy for myself too," she laughed. "Who knows? Maybe there'll be some sign for both of us tonight," she giggled playfully.

Before I could answer her, I heard a hauntingly familiar tune coming from somewhere outside the restroom. Gabby noticed the shock on my face, because she looked at me through narrowed eyebrows.

"What is it Bella?"

"Don't you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

I threw open the door to the bathroom. The music was clearer now, yet I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I quickly followed the tune; Gabby close on my heels. "What do you hear Bella?" she asked again.

"Ssh, listen," I instructed while I continued to follow the tune. It took me past the room where our school's dance was being held, down a narrow corridor that led to another block of rooms. I could hear it more clearly now, until I was sure I knew which room it was coming from. I pulled open the door.

The room was almost completely empty; not having been booked for the night. It was a large room, about the same size as the one down the hall where our dance was being held. A few, large tables filled the space, set beautifully with unlit candelabras and porcelain china. A huge, sparkling chandelier hung from the ceiling above; the crystal beads hanging from it sending broken shards of light scattered all around the room. At the opposite side of the room stood a large, black, baby grand piano; its dark hue standing out from amongst all the light colors in the room. Edward sat at the piano, his back to me as his hands flew across he keys. He was playing _my_ lullaby.

I watched him silently, mesmerized, as he played with a swiftness and grace that would put the most accomplished pianist in the world to shame. The tears ran down my cheeks unchecked while the heartbreakingly sweet lullaby grew in tempo. I'd never dreamed I'd hear him play it again, never dared to hope for such a thing, and although I'd heard it just last night, when I'd found my old CD, watching him actually play it was so many thousands times better.

I was sure he'd heard me come in, but he didn't look back. He sat straight up at the piano, staring ahead as he let his hands move expertly over the keys.

I turned around to look for Gabby, suddenly remembering her. Her eyes were glittery, and she smiled at me wistfully before turning quietly and exiting the room, carefully closing the door behind her.

Slowly, I made my way towards Edward, reveling in the sound of the lullaby as the tune changed again, low and soft. I stopped just behind him, my tears still falling despite the huge smile spread over my face. Instinctively, I sat next to him the way I used to before, so many years ago. In those days, Edward would indulge me and play me my lullaby over and over again, until I'd feel guilty that his arms and hands would tire and he'd quickly remind me that he was a vampire, and his arms and hands would never get tired.

I looked over at him, and a small, uneven smile formed on his lips, but he kept his gaze straight ahead. The tune changed again, the tempo growing higher and higher, until it felt as if the lullaby filled the entire room, until I could practically feel it in my bones. A pleasant chill ran up my spine and I closed my eyes, letting the enchanting melody reach my heart and soul. I could feel it almost as a presence living within me; like a cleansing balm, a soothing caress. I felt as light as a feather; all the weight that had been building up on me quickly fell away, at least for now. It was the happiest, most satisfying feeling I'd experienced in years. I cried openly; the sobs shaking my entire frame. But they were tears of joy; tears of relief; tears of gratitude for the man sitting next to me, who, despite his nature, was one of the most wonderful beings ever placed on God's green earth.

The lullaby slowly softened, coming to a sweet, heartbreaking end. Edward's hands lingered on the keys when he'd finished, his gaze still to the front. I brought my hand up to his shoulder, but when he still didn't turn his head, I lifted it to his chin and firmly turned him to face me. His eyes were full of sadness. I inclined my head, confused about why he would look so sad when he'd just played something so beautiful.

"Thank you," I began, trying to find the words to make him understand what he'd just made me feel inside. "That was…amazing."

Edward took my hand from his chin, and clasped it between his own two strong ones. "You don't need to thank me Bella for giving you back what was always rightfully yours."

I understood now why he looked so upset.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella." His voice broke. "I don't know what to say, what to do, what to give you that will ever be enough to show you how truly sorry I am."

"Shh," I tried to put my free hand over his lips to stop him; I didn't want to hear any more apologies from him. But he took it away gently and placed it with my other hand, in between his.

"No. Please. Let me say this." He closed his eyes for a second, and drew in a deep breath. "I told you last night that I wanted to explain some things to you. There are things I need to tell you Bella. Whether they'll make you hate me or not, I don't know, but I owe you the truth. Well, I owe you so much more, but I need to give you at least this." He squeezed my hands between his own, and I nodded once for him to continue. As scared as I was about where this would take us, I knew it had to be done.

"You asked me last week if my need to keep you safe was all there was before I left."

"Edward, I-" I tried to interrupt, to tell him that I understood, and that there were things I'd said in anger last week that I regretted, but he wouldn't let me.

"Bella, you were right. I became obsessed before I left. Obsessed with the belief that my main role, my _only_ role in your life, was to keep you safe."

"But you did Edward. You did keep me safe," I tried to argue.

"Physically, yes," he agreed reluctantly. "You were right about something else though. I could've never hurt you…not physically. There was no way I would've ever allowed my bloodlust to get the better of me and hurt you. I was _not_ a danger to you in that way. But I _was_ obsessed with your safety, although not in the way you may believe."

I looked at him questioningly, not understanding completely what he was trying to say. He gave one short, humorless chuckle and gave me a sad smile, his eyes full of anguish and regret. "So what was my excuse for leaving?"

He took one of his hands off of mine and lifted it to place it on my heart. The moment could have been awkward, considering their wasn't really much material, if any, separating his hand from my skin, but Edward's thoughts seemed to be miles away from anything physical. Still, I couldn't help the shiver that went through my body at the feel of his cool hand directly on my skin. "For years Bella, I told myself that I left to protect this. To keep your heart safe. To keep your soul safe." He watched me carefully through fervent eyes, waiting for me to understand. "To keep your heart beating and your soul intact." My eyes went wide as comprehension dawned on me.

"I knew what you wanted Bella. You wanted to join me in this immortal existence. And as much as I wanted it, as much as I wanted you forever, the thought of that terrified me!" His voice was shaking. "Yes, I thought it was unfair to you. Yes, I believed myself to be a monster for even contemplating the possibility of taking you away from your human life, your family, your friends, _any_ chance of ever having a family of your own. Yes, I was scared for you Bella. But…" He stopped and looked away, unable to meet my gaze.

"But?" I prompted.

He looked back up at me suddenly with a fevered look. "When you told me just a short while ago, when you said that you still loved me and that you forgave me for leaving," he paused to compose himself and smiled at me wistfully; his golden eyes taking on a far away look, as if he were replaying the moment in his head. "You don't know how much that meant to me Bella. To hear you say those words again," – his voice was thick with emotion – "it was the happiest moment I've had since…since I left you." The smile suddenly left his face. "I hadn't realized until then how much I've truly underestimated you." He stopped again, still struggling to find words. "That you could still love me after everything I've done! That you could _forgive_ me!" He removed his hand from my heart and brought it up to caress my cheek softly. His cool hand tempered the heat that had risen to my face in my face. "You are such an incredible woman."

"Edward, you don't have to take the blame for what happened entirely on yourself. I should've spoken up. I should've-"

"What?" He sounded angry now. "No! No Bella! Don't you dare try to take the blame for _any of this_ on you!"

"I'm just saying that perhaps if I would've told you-"

His hands cupped my face now as his eyes pierced into mine. He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head slowly.

"Bella love, please understand there was nothing you could've said, nothing you could've done that would have changed my mind back then." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes while his own eyes filled with remorse. "I'm sorry. I hate that I was such a fool, but it's the truth and I refuse to hide it from you or from myself any longer."

I placed my own hands over his, where they still cupped my face gently. "What are you trying to say Edward?"

"I was scared for you Bella," he finally responded, his voice a whisper. His words were slow and apologetic – "but I was also scared…for me." He looked away and dropped his hands from my face, pulling them away from me. His face was full of shame. "I was so unbelievably afraid that one day, eighty, ninety, a hundred years from now, you'd wake up, figuratively, and realize what a mistake you'd made in choosing me, in choosing this life." I shook my head and started crying.

Edward lowered his head. "What would you do then Bella? What would _I_ have done then, knowing the pain I'd caused you? Knowing I'd taken _everything_ away from you and that I had no way of_ ever_ giving it back? I was so afraid of one day looking into your big, beautiful eyes and seeing nothing but hatred for me reflected in your golden irises. And _that_ Bella, I could've never survived. I left for you Bella, because I was a danger to your soul, but, God help me, I also left for me, so that I'd never have to deal with the torture of watching your love for me turn to hate, because I was convinced Bella, that that's what would've happened."

I was sobbing fitfully now. Although I'd needed to hear all this, and although it was all in the past, the pain of Edward's departure felt as raw as if he were leaving me once again.

Edward watched me. His own eyes were brimming with tears that could never be shed. Slowly, he raised his hand to my face and gently began wiping away each tear I shed.

"Sweet, sweet Bella," he murmured as he dried each tear. "Thank you for your letters," he said suddenly. "They were…beautiful, and enlightening, to say the least." I lowered my head, slightly embarrassed as I remembered how raw and honest those letters had been, having been written with no hope of them ever actually reaching their recipient.

"I didn't think I'd ever actually get to give them to you."

"I know," he confirmed in a quiet voice. "As I read them, I realized what an undeserving creature I really am. I was given such a rare and beautiful gift in you, and I threw it all away." His voice grew impassioned and he watched me vehemently. "But that you would ever doubt yourself Bella, that you would think for even one moment that it was _you_ that didn't deserve _me_? That you would ever doubt how lovely you are? How special and unique you are? That I could ever make you doubt your self-worth! Those Bella, are crimes for which I will be paying for an eternity!" He lowered his head, ashamed.

Abruptly, panic set in. What _was_ happening now? Why was he telling me all these things? What if…What if Edward had decided to leave again, and was telling me all this as a way to say goodbye? Offering me the truth as a final gift?

I reached out quickly and lifted his head, cupping it in my hands as he'd just done to me. "Edward, don't do this." I begged. "We both made mistakes Edward. We both did. Don't torture yourself over it anymore. You read those letters. You know I moved on."

I felt him stiffen. "Yes, you moved on_. I forced you_ to move on. I practically handed you over on a silver platter," he growled, closing his eyes. "If I hadn't underestimated you then Bella, if I would've believed in our love, in _your_ capacity to love for _eternity_, then…"

He left the question hanging, waiting for me to finish it. But how was I supposed to finish that? Then what? Then we wouldn't have wasted so much time? Then Jake and I would've never gotten involved? Then I wouldn't be in this mess right now, knowing I had to make an _impossible_ choice, and that that choice would break one of the two most important men in my life?

"We can't do that Edward. We can't do 'if I would've done this' or 'if I would've done that.' It is what it is. And now we have to deal with the consequences of how we did handle it."

He took my hands in his now and lowered them to his lap, watching me through apprehensive eyes. "And what are those consequences?"

I took a deep breath and forged on, knowing it made no sense to hide anything from him any longer. "I love you Edward. I never stopped loving you, and I never will," I confessed. "There's no point in trying to hide that fact anymore." Edward gasped, not expecting my words. But as he had said himself, not being honest with each other in the first place was what had gotten us into this mess. Now he was giving me his truths, and I in turn, had to give him mine.

"But-"

"No Bella. Please," he begged squeezing my hands tightly between his own. "No buts. No buts after that."

"Edward," I pleaded, closing my eyes. As much as it hurt, I had to tell him what our reality was now. This little bubble we'd created around ourselves tonight, this room where we could bare our souls to each other, confess our continued love for each other, comfort each other, it couldn't last forever. I had to bring us back to reality now, before we got lost. It would so easy, so incredibly right and easy, to let myself get lost in Edward; instinctive even. But we couldn't stay in this room forever, and beyond these four walls I'd already made a promise to someone who didn't deserve to pay for our mistakes.

"Edward," I started again, unable to contain the tears that spilled over. I lowered my head, unable to look at him as I said the words I had to say next. "Jake's going to ask me to marry him, and I...I…" I couldn't finish.

We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, as silent tears brimmed down my face. I still couldn't bring myself to look at Edward, because I knew I'd see in his eyes the same agony and hopelessness that I was feeling now. We would always love each other, but that was no longer enough. So I would give him all that I could now. The knowledge that he would always have my heart, and hope to God that it helped give him the strength to move forward, as I hoped to God knowing he loved me would help me survive this.

"Bella, you can't marry him."

My head snapped up abruptly. For some reason, I felt angry now. As if it was that simple! As if that one little sentence could fix everything. As if I could just throw Jake away like yesterday's news because Edward said so.

I glared at him through narrowed eyes, my tears blurring my vision of him. I swiped away at them angrily. "It's not that simple Edward!" I hissed. "He's been there for me for years!"

"You just told me that you _love me _Bella! Me! Do you think its fair to him-"

"What _is_ fair to him?!" I interrupted. "_None_ of this is fair to him!" My voice was louder now; the anger and confusion evident in my tone. "He doesn't deserve _any_ of this! Not the way I've treated him all summer since you returned, not the fact that I'm here with you right now," -my voice cracked- "not the fact that I've _never_ been able to be what he deserves, to give myself to him the way a real girlfriend should!"

I inhaled sharply and covered my mouth with my hands, my eyes growing wide with the realization of what I'd said; what I'd just confessed. Startled and ashamed at my outburst, and feeling extremely self-conscious, I quickly stood up and walked away from Edward, facing the wall.

I heard his quiet footsteps come up behind me, but I couldn't get myself to face him. "Don't be embarassed Bella." He spoke in a soft, soothing voice. "If you _had_…" He paused, turning me around to face him and bringing my face up to meet his eyes. "Know that you will _always_ be the most beautiful, warm, and moral woman I've ever met Bella. _No matter what_." His eyes burned with the acuteness of his words. He ran his hands tenderly through my hair, gazing at it like he'd never seen it before.

"And you're right," he whispered. "This isn't fair to him." His eyes turned to meet mine now, but he kept his hand in my hair, cupping the back of my head and stroking it gently. "It's not fair to you either and I hate what it's doing to you. All this turmoil." He pursed his lips. "If I could make myself walk away from you Bella, and take all this misery away with me, I would."

At his talk of leaving again, my heart stopped and my muscles contracted.

"But I can't Bella. I'm sorry. I'm much too weak without you. I'm much too selfish to give you up again without a fight."

And although I knew that I shouldn't, I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief at his words. My heart started back up and my muscles relaxed.

"But you just have to say the word Bella, if that's what you really want. Just say the word and I'll be gone. I can't go away unless you send me away. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." I could hear the despondency in his voice at the thought that I'd send him away, because it was the same despondency I felt at the thought of him ever leaving. What was I going to do? I couldn't let go of Edward, and I couldn't hurt Jake.

"I don't know what to do anymore Edward," I cried softly. "I don't know what's right or wrong anymore."

Edward took a step closer to me, his eyes sparkling with a quiet relief that I hadn't sent him away. He brought his other hand up to the back of my head, softly caressing my scalp with his powerful hands. "You know, a smart and beautiful woman once told me," he whispered tenderly, his face just inches from mine, "that our love was never about right or wrong, it simply was." He smiled sadly at me. "It took me a while to see that, but I do. I see it clearly now."

And in that moment, I could no longer think of wrong or right either. All I could see was Edward's eyes as he gazed at me longingly. All I could feel was the coolness of his hands at the nape of my neck, sending a current of heat all the way down to the tips of my toes. All I could think of was how much I would always need him, and of how, right now, I was sure I'd never need anything more than this moment with him.

Edward seemed to read my feelings, because his eyes grew wide momentarily before narrowing into half-lids. His hold on me tightened and slowly, as if asking for permission, he began to pull me closer to him. My eyes drank him in as his face inched closer to mine, painstakingly slowly. His wild, untamed hair, his beautiful, expressive, tawny eyes, his perfectly angled nose, his strong, chiseled jaw line, and finally his lips; so hard yet so yielding, so cold yet capable of providing such heat, shaped in such a way that they'd always fit on mine perfectly. I closed my eyes just as his lips touched mine, sighing deeply into his mouth and letting out the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding.

The familiar electric current coursed through my body as his lips enveloped mine. He started out gently, tentatively; his lips softly caressing me as if he were still unsure of his actions. Gentle, languid lips tugged on mine, interspersed with soft, tender kisses trailed across my cheeks and to my ears before slowly trailing back. When he realized he wasn't being met with any protests, he gripped the back of my neck tighter, his kisses firmer and more assured. Every time his lips neared my ears, he'd whisper my name or "I love you," making me shiver pleasantly.

Yet as much as I wanted to respond, I couldn't. Because ever present in the back of my mind was the knowledge that these were stolen kisses. That once we left this room, this fantasy world would end, and I'd still have hard choices to make. And Edward seemed to understand that, because he didn't ask for a response, instead he softly kissed away the few scattered tears that slowly made their way down my cheeks.

We kissed like that for I don't know how long, slowly, tenderly, taking our time as we drank each other in, unlike the night outside his house, where our kissing had been desperate and frenzied. Tonight, we both needed it to be slow and gentle, our hearts still too raw with the knowledge that this kiss might have to carry us through the remainder of our days.

At some point though, I felt my legs getting weak. Edward, always perfectly attuned to me, brought his strong arms down to my waist now, encircling me tightly as he held me up. Instinctively, my arms went around his neck, my hands getting lost in his beautifully wild hair. The closer contact this provided quickly changed the pace of our kisses. Suddenly, his lips tugged on mine more insistently and his grip tightened on my waist, eliciting a deep sigh from me which spurred him on even more. I felt the coolness of his tongue graze my top lip and instinctively I opened my mouth, rewarded with the feel of his tongue slip between my parted lips, where it quickly met up with mine and began stroking it gently. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was more than pleasantly surprised that he'd allowed this again, after insisting it was a mistake that night by his house. I supposed it went with his recent discovery that he'd underestimated me. I sighed again, way beyond content, and relaxed myself completely against Edward's marble body, letting him support my entire weight in his capable arms. I felt his mouth twitch up in a lazy smile, and I smiled too, despite myself. I was in heaven, and if the world ended right now, I'd made my peace with this earth.

We continued kissing with parted lips and explorative tongues. Whenever I'd run out of air, his lips would come down to my neck and kiss the exposed skin their gently, trailing open-mouthed kisses up and down my shoulders and across my neck bone, waiting for me to catch my breath, and then I'd grab his head between my hands and lead him back to my lips before bringing them back up to tug on his soft bronze hair. I could've stayed that way forever. Yet for how tightly he gripped my waist with the palms of his hands, his fingers gently moved in soft circles at the top of my thighs, as if they wanted to move away, maybe explore some more, but couldn't quite work up the nerve to do so. But by then I was too lost in his kisses to be able to think about it too much, and besides, he seemed content enough with how we were now, with no desire to stop; and I couldn't for the life of me see myself ever saying 'enough.'

It was therefore, the real world, the reality that existed beyond this tiny bubble we'd created for ourselves tonight, that said 'enough' for us.

Edward pulled away from me suddenly, his eyes wild, but not with passion any longer. He pulled one arm away from my waist and quicker than my eyes were able to pick up he'd punched a hole into the wall behind me. His palpable anger cooled my overheated body and sent a ripple of fear to my heart.

"Edward! What is it?" I could hear the terror in my voice as I panted the words, still trying to recover myself.

Edward's face contorted into a sneer. "Alice's visions for the rest of the dance just disappeared."

For a split second, I stared at him, unable to grasp what that meant before the meaning of what Alice's failing visions meant. My eyes widened in horror at the realization of what I'd been doing while Jake had coming looking for me. And I felt horrible, because I should've been overjoyed that Jake was here, instead of feeling like he'd just ruined my night.

I quickly pulled away from Edward, straightening out my dress and running my fingers through the waves Rose had given me, trying to untangle them. "I've got to go to him!" My voice was anguished. I didn't even bother asking the question, we both knew what Alice's failing visions meant. Edward's face fell, a look of silent agony crossing his features momentarily, but he said nothing.

"Edward, I feel like I'm being pulled apart here! Jake deserves better than this. I need to speak to him."

Edward nodded slowly. Some unrecognizable feature crossed his face quickly, but was gone just as rapidly as it had appeared. "I understand. Come." He took my hand. "I'll lead you back."

We walked back silently, while I tried to compose myself and regulate my heartbeat, which was still pounding in my chest from my time locked in the room with Edward. Edward's face was a blank slate, his features betraying nothing. I on the other hand felt like I was betraying not one, but both men; and I didn't deserve either one of them.

The music grew louder as we neared the party room, the beat pounding so loudly that I could feel the vibrations against my teeth. Edward opened the door for me and led me in. The music was deafening now, almost the entire room up on the dance floor enjoying the deejay's latest mix. Apparently, it was that time in the evening when, encouraged by an open bar and by increasingly louder and faster music, most of the dance guests decided to get down. Most everyone in the room was wild with excitement and frenzy. And when my eyes reached the deejay's stand, my mouth fell open in shock. Although why I would be shocked anymore tonight by their actions, I didn't really know. Emmett and Jasper, bouncing around wildly with large headphones over their heads and howling and hooting out the words to the song, were manning the turntables now. They each held a big, black mike in their hands, and as they'd sing the first words of the song, they'd put the mikes out to the audience to let them respond.

'_Who let the dogs out? Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo_

_Who let the dogs out? Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo _

_Who let the dogs out? Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo. _

_Who let the dogs out? Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo'_

Alice, Rosalie and Gabby were on the edge of the dance floor nearest the deejay stand, dancing and jumping and screaming out the lyrics enthusiastically. I began to wonder why, until my eyes fell on the only two people in the room who weren't dancing.

Jake and Seth.

Jake stood against one of the side walls, one leg bent up so his foot rested on the wall, and his arms crossed against his chest. He scanned the room angrily, looking for his missing girlfriend, I assumed. He wore a pair of dark slacks and a white dress shirt, something which I assumed he'd probably thrown on at the last minute when he'd decided to come. Seth stood next to him, assuming the same posture as Jake, although he seemed to be much more relaxed, based on the huge grin on his face and the way he kept putting his hands around his mouth and howling out the 'Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo,' part of the song every time it came up. I shook my head.

Letting go of Edward's hand, I started walking towards Jake. When he spotted me, his face broke into one of relief for the briefest moment, before glancing behind me and twisting it up into a scowl once again. I didn't have to look to know he'd spotted Edward. He began walking towards me.

"Bella, where have you been?" he yelled when we reached each other. It was hard to hear him over the loud music and everyone's yelling and screaming, but I was able to make out the words.

I put my hand on his arm. "Jake, we have to talk," I mouthed. He watched me carefully, glancing quickly behind me, and nodded. When I turned to lead the way out of the room, I spotted Edward standing off to my side. I hoped he wouldn't follow us; I needed to speak to Jake alone.

As we made our way to the doors, little Alice waved at me with a worried smile, although she continued dancing and bouncing to the beat of the song. When one of her bounces ended in a less than graceful landing, especially for Alice, she reached down and pulled off one of her high-heeled red pumps, only to discover that the heel had broken off. Her features quickly morphed into a deep scowl. Picking up the broken shoe over her head, she waved it wildly in the air, along with her other fist.

"Damn you K-Mart! Damn you to hell and back!" she yelled in a voice so loud and shrill, that although the music was still pumping, most of the dance floor members turned to look at her warily.

We left the room and walked until we found a quiet and deserted area around the corner from the room where the dance was being held.

Jacob wasted no time in getting to the point. "What's going on Bella? Where were you?" I could tell he was trying hard to keep his voice even.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to put off having to answer his questions.

"I came to surprise you." His voice held a hint of indignation. "I felt bad about not coming to this thing with you, so I gave Seth a call and here we are. So…where were you?" he asked again, raising his eyebrows.

"I…I was with Edward." It was time to be honest with Jake. I'd never been a liar; a sneak. And I wasn't about to start now. I let out a deep breath. "Jake, I…" I blew out more air in a whoosh, opening and closing my eyes before continuing. "I don't want to be dishonest with you. The truth is…I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore!"

He was in front of me in a flash, his eyes wild and fierce as he took my hand between his two hot ones. "_This_ is real," he demanded. He put my hand near his heart. "This is real. A real _heart_. _A real_ _man. Damn it Bella!_ Wake up! You're deluding yourself if you think a monster like him could ever really love you!"

Anger coursed through my veins at Jake's words, because it was bad enough that Edward considered himself a monster; I couldn't bare any one else calling him that. And although I'd said the words to him myself just over a week ago, I regretted them so much. Why was he a monster? Because he'd made mistakes? Because he'd reacted in ways he'd always reproach himself for? Because he'd done things that had hurt him as much as they'd hurt others? That didn't make him a monster; that made him human! And if it did make him a monster, then I was a monster too.

I pulled my hand away from Jake. "That's not fair Jake! Don't call him that! He's no more a monster than you, or than me! Than any of us!"

Jake's head jerked back as if I'd physically slapped him, which in and of itself probably wouldn't have affected him nearly as much as my words apparently had.

"Bella, you need to get yourself together and decide what it is you really want here."

"Jake I'm trying," I whined. I felt exhausted. "I'm trying to figure out what the right thing is here."

"Trying to figure out?!" He spoke through gritted teeth; his nostrils flaring. "There is nothing to figure out Bells! He left! I was here! End of story! I love you Bella and I know you love me too!" He pulled me to him by my shoulders. "Please," he asked in a softer tone. "Look, I'm not stupid. I understand there are still feelings there, but they're not real Bella. He took one of my hands in his again. "You and I, _we're_ real! _He_ has nothing to offer you except for death and an existence filled with bloodsucking and more death!" His face contorted into one of disgust. "I can give you more than that Bella! I can give you a real life. What can he offer you besides sucking you dry in every sense of the word?!" He spat the last words out angrily.

"I can offer her my eternal love." Edward growled from across the hall. I gasped; he stood looking frighteningly calm while he locked eyes with Jake.

Jake let go of my hand and turned towards Edward. "Shut the hell up and get outta here you filthy leach! I'm warning you!" Jake hissed back.

"Stop it! Both of you!" I screamed, but they ignored me.

"She belongs to me!" Jake continued, despite my protests. He crossed the room in three long strides and stood in front of Edward, eyes narrowed in barely controlled rage. His hands quivered at his sides. "You threw her away and I put her together again. She _is_ mine!"

Edward looked at him coolly, appearing composed, but I could see the fury in his own eyes. "Who she belongs with is something she needs to decide for herself."

It happened so quickly that had I blinked, I would've missed it. Jake's fist came up with blinding speed and connected with Edward's jaw, knocking him back a couple of steps. My eyes grew wide with horror and I gasped deeply, bringing my hand to cover my mouth as I held my breath. Out of nowhere, Emmett and Jasper materialized on either side of Edward, and Seth, looking way more subdued than he had in a while, strode quickly to Jake's side.

Edward rubbed at his jaw before bringing his hands down to his side. Jake meanwhile, covertly shook his hand out, flexing it open and closed to the distinct sound of bones resettling.

"I let you have that one mongrel, because I suppose in your eyes, I deserve it." Edward's voice was smooth and restrained despite the storm threatening underneath.

Jake snorted.

"But you _will_ let Bella decide for herself what she wants, what she needs, without pressuring her. And do not presume to think you know anything about me. You know _nothing_ about my feelings for Bella, so-"

"I know that while you were halfway across the country living it up and having the time of your so called life, she was here being hunted by your fellow bloodsuckers. _I_ was the one that was here protecting her!" He jabbed his chest with his thumb. "_I _was the one getting her through each day,-"

"And I will be forever indebted to you for that!" Edward's voice was no longer quite as smooth or calm. "But do not assume that I was having a grand time away from her!"

"What _were_ you doing Edward?' I asked quietly. Both men stopped to look at me.  
"What were you doing while you were gone?" It was the only thing he hadn't told me yet, and something he continually deflected when I did ask.

Edward tensed up, his jaw clenched tightly as if he'd been caught off guard. "I…It doesn't matter Bella. Not anymore."

"Why won't you tell me?" I asked, confused by his secrecy on the subject. "Why is it such a mystery?"

"Because it'd mess up his play if he told you he was messing around with other college girls while you were running for your life from Victoria." Jake sneered. "That type of info doesn't exactly help his game."

"This is not a game to me," Edward's voice was threatening now, his hands curled into fists at his sides. "You _will_ let her decide."

"She's decided already!" Jake yelled. "She belongs to me!

I put my hands up to cover my ears, unable to listen to anymore of this. "Enough! Please! I can't take this any more!" I turned away from both of them as my sobs overtook me.

"That's enough from both of you!" Alice's tiny voice rang out from across the hall. I looked up and saw her limping towards me, with Rose and Gabby at either side of her. She took me into her arms and held me as I cried. "Great job, both of you," she hissed at Edward and Jacob. "She's mine! No, she's mine!" she mocked them. "Why don't you both just pee in a circle around her while you're at it!" she taunted. "I'm taking Bella home now, and I suggest you both go home too. Come on honey," she cooed softly into my ear. "Let's get you home." She glared at Emmett and Jasper. "Em, Jazz, make sure Gabby gets home okay." She turned us around towards the exit. "Rose," she called out in a sharper tone, and Rose quickly appeared at my other side. Limping on her one heel with more grace than I'd ever thought possible in such a situation, Alice led me out. "And leave her alone, both of you!" she turned to call out to Edward and Jake. "When she's ready to talk, she'll let you know! Come on Rose. Let's see if Herbie out there can get us home before sunrise."

"Alice, what in the hell happened to your dress?" I heard Rose ask. I picked my head up quickly to glance at Alice. Her pretty dress, which had looked so pristine just a couple of hours ago, now sagged unflatteringly around her tiny hips, looking about two sizes too big on her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Apparently, you can't turn your swag on too much in polyester. It stretches out if you shake them hips too hard. Hmph!" she snorted. "Thank God this night is almost over!"

Suddenly, Jake called out from behind. "Bella, wait!" I turned around just in time to see Gabby reach out for his arm to try to restrain him from following me.

Jake jerked his arm back from Gabby's touch like he'd just been struck by a bolt of lightning. His eyes grew wide and he glared at Gabby with a look of baffled alarm.

"Whattha?" His eyes were wild, and he took a step back like something had scared him senseless.

Gabby dropped her arm back quickly. "Um, sorry." She looked completely flustered and confused. "I just thought…well, I just think Bella's had enough for one night." Her voice was low and hushed, and she stared down at her feet as she spoke.

Jake stared at her, and then nodded slowly, but didn't respond. He looked at her like she was the most frightening thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

I stole a glance at Edward and he was watching Jake and Gabby curiously, his eyebrows knitted together and his head tilted to the side, as if he were trying to figure something out.

Alice turned me back around. "Come on honey. Let's go."

Rose handed her claim ticket to the valet when we got outside, but before he could bring the car around, Emmett and Jasper approached us. Jasper leaned down to whisper something in Alice's ear, too low for me to hear.

Alice looked back up at her husband uncertainly. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"You tell me," he responded.

"I don't know," she confessed begrudgingly. You know all my visions are blocked when they're around." She rolled her eyes, pointing back inside.

"Good," Jasper answered with an easy smile. "So he can't see it either then."

Alice smiled back at him conspiratorially. "No. He can't." She looked over at me. "Slight change of plans Bella. Emmett and Jasper are going to take you home. Rose and I are gonna make sure Gabby gets home okay."

I shrugged my shoulders, exhausted by the night's events and not really caring how I got home, just as long as I got there.

"Everything's gonna work out fine sweety," Alice said, taking note of my drained appearance. She pushed some bits of wayward hair out of my face gently. "You'll see."

"Do _you_ see?" I questioned.

She stared to the side of me, her face taking on a far-away, questioning look. "No," she admitted. "Everyone's future is suddenly so blurry tonight. I guess it's because of the mu-, I mean Jake. I can't see you, or Edward, or even Gabby for that matter very clearly. It's weird." She shrugged her shoulders once and turned her eyes back to me. "But I can _feel_ it Bella. I can _feel_ we're almost there."

"Almost where?"

She giggled. "Silly Bella. Wherever it is we're supposed to end up."

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**Alice is right guys! We're almost there! So, so, so, so close! So, monster of a chapter, I know. I don't think there will be more this long, I promise. It's just that this chapter is really what was on my mind when I first started this story, and there were a lot of things that had to happen. And being it all occurs during the course of one dance, I didn't really want to split it up into two chapters.**

**Next chapter will be up in a couple of days. I promise. It's been beta'd and everything. I just want to give you all a chance to read ALL of this one before I post the next one. It's not anywhere near as long though, don't worry.**

**Also, I'd just like to make sure that everyone knows that no actual K-Mart dresses or shoes were used or harmed in the writing of this chapter, and any similarities to real life situations are purely coincidental. **

**Finally, don't forget to go to my profile and take a look at the dresses Alice and Bella wore, and then let me know what you thought of them! **

**I'd like to ask you ALL (yeah, you with the white t-shirt, and you with the blue jeans) to please click the little button below and leave me a review! I absolutely live for them! Thanks!**


	25. Chapter 26 Unwell

**A/N: Okay guys. I know I said this chapter was going to be posted a few days ago, sorry. But…tada! To make up for the delay, I'm posting two chapters! AND YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the next one! Let's just say its what you've been waiting for.**

**Alright guys, one more piece Bella needs to solve the puzzle her life has become. Next chapter is decision time.**

**Almost there. I promise.**

**Thanks to my betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, except my little Gabby, who's probably going through some issues of herself right now!**

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**Chapter 26 - Unwell**

All day  
Staring at the ceiling  
Making friends with shadows on my wall  
All night  
Hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
Hold on  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a  
Breakdown  
I don't know why  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be

**Unwell, Matchbox 20**

**BPOV**

Emmett and Jasper took me home in Jasper's black Ferrari, which they'd driven here tonight, along with Edward. I assumed Edward would either catch a ride with Rose and Alice in the red Beetle or run home tonight. Yeah, he'd probably end up running.

Most of the ride home was quiet, except for the occasional joke by Emmett. He seemed to be exceptionally proud of himself over some practical joke he'd played this morning. Something about signs and leash laws; it was hard to decipher because he took to speaking at vampire speed whenever he'd mention it. I gave up trying to understand, and felt myself growing drowsy; Emmett and Jasper's voices becoming a low hum in the background as my eyelids began to droop. Halfway home though, I was pulled out from my semi-conscious state by Jasper's smooth, southern drawl, which sounded more alert and purposeful than it had so far during our ride..

"Think we're far enough away from him now?" he asked Emmett.

"Yeah, I think so," Emmett responded in a strangely subdued tone as he stared out the window.

"Bella darlin', there somethin' me and Emmett here kinda wanted to talk to you about tonaat." I noticed how his drawl kicked in more when he appeared to be nervous.

"Sure. Go ahead," I encouraged, sitting up straighter.

Jasper took a deep breath. "Well, you know how you've been wantin' to know what was goin' on with Edward while he was gone?"

I nodded, getting the distinct feeling that Jasper and Emmett were done playing jokesters for the night.

"It's not a pretty story," he warned, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Jasper please." I begged. "I have to know."

Jasper turned to look at me, apparently still debating with himself whether to give me the story or not, even though that was obviously what this whole ride was about. He watched me for a few seconds, and even though his eyes were off the road the whole time, I wasn't scared. He nodded once, apparently making a decision, and moved his eyes back to the road.

"Bella," he began, "When Edward left, Emmett and I, as well as the rest of our family, were sure he'd come back to you within a matter of weeks, if not days.

I grunted, turning my face towards my window to hide the tears that were smarting at the corners of my eyes. "Yes, so did I; at first," I agreed.

"Needless to say," he continued, "we all underestimated his level of control. Or more accurately, the level at which he could continue to punish himself."

I grunted again.

"After a few weeks, it started to become obvious to all of us that as much pain as he was in, as much as he was suffering, he had no intentions of returning." My tears began to fall slowly down my cheeks. I kept my face turned to the window and said nothing.

"He was restless; always in a bad mood. He kept to himself and would quickly jump on any of us if we so much as mentioned him coming back to you." I flinched in my seat. "He was obsessed with the idea that he wasn't safe for you, and that the only way for you to be safe and happy was for him to keep his distance." I wiped away my tears but kept my eyes trained on the blurring landscape outside the warm car. "After a few weeks though, even that wasn't enough for him. You see, he hadn't forgotten what had happened with James, or the fact that Victoria was still out there somewhere." Involuntarily, my heart rate increased at the mention of the red-headed vampire's name. "Even though the rest of us tried to convince him that Victoria posed no danger to you, that she was most likely half way around the world and had all but forgotten what happened in Forks and Phoenix, he was convinced he had to find her, just in case."

My head quickly shot around to Jasper. "What?"

It was Emmett that answered me from the back seat. "We tried to stop him Bella. We all thought it was ridiculous. That Edward was losing his mind. I mean, if you would've seen him those first few months after he left, you'd understand why we felt that way. He wasn't the same Edward he was with you. He wasn't even the same Edward he'd been before you. But he wouldn't listen to any of us. He was convinced he had to find her and kill her. He was like a man driven by only one thought, one desire, to kill Victoria."

My eyes grew wide with amazement. I'd had no idea Victoria had even crossed Edward's mind while he was gone, much less that he'd thought of hunting her.

Jasper picked up the story. "He left us one morning, saying he was going to track Victoria. Carlisle and Esme were frantic, but they knew there was no stoppin' him. They made him promise to call if there were any problems, if he needed any help. He agreed reluctantly and left with barely a goodbye for any of us. By that time, he hadn't looked at any of us in the eye for weeks. The girls had a hard time of it when he left, especially my Alice. She still couldn't believe he'd go through all that and yet refuse to go back to you."

"Where did he go?" I asked, barely able to form the words.

"Well, he'd call in every few weeks to check in. Mostly the mid-western states," Emmett responded. "He was always frustrated, angry. Apparently Victoria had a gift for escaping." I nodded my head quickly, knowing this already, because she'd escaped the Jake and the rest of the pack on more than one occasion. "He complained that whenever he thought he had her, she'd manage to evade him somehow." Emmett paused, stealing a glance at Jasper, as if wondering if he should continue.

"What is it?" I asked after a long stretch of silence.

Jasper hesitated before continuing now. "It was more than just his anger and frustration at not being able to catch Victoria." He cleared his throat. "We were worried about him Bella. He didn't sound right anymore. I mean, yes, he'd been different since he left you, but…"

"But what?" I prompted eagerly.

"But with every passing phone call, he sounded more and more…confused."

"What do you mean 'confused'?" I asked.

"What he means is," Emmett picked up, "he didn't make too much sense sometimes." I turned my whole body around to face Emmett, quirking my head and furrowing my brows in question. "He'd say things like 'She stays with me at night but she leaves by morning', or 'She was walking down the street but she wouldn't stop for me'."

I still didn't understand.

"At first we thought he was talking about Victoria; about seeing her and then losing her," said Emmett. "But then he'd say things like 'if she'll just stay with me, it'll be okay,' and it just didn't make sense. Why would he want Victoria to stay with him? If we asked him what he was talking about, he'd go quiet and then just hang up."

"Needless to say," Jasper went on, "Esme was beside herself with worry."

My heart constricted as I imagined how poor Esme must've been through this. My mind went to my dad, who'd had to watch me almost lose my mind after Edward left.

"We'd convinced Carlisle to let us go look for Edward one morning, when a phone call stopped us," Jasper continued. "It was Edward. He sounded more alive and excited than he had in a long while. He said he'd been able to trace Victoria to Rio, in Brazil."

My eyes grew wide as I understood that this must have been what Tanya had been referring to when she'd mentioned Edward had been to Brazil. I felt a stab of pain in my heart and shame coloring my face when I remembered I'd pictured him dancing with half-naked girls on a beach, not chasing a deranged vampire half-way around the world to kill her in the hopes of keeping me safe at home.

"He sounded confident," Jasper confided, "that he had her cornered now. We asked him if he needed us to come help him and he assured us that he had everythin' under control. 'I have everything I need' he said. 'She'll keep me safe.' 'Who'll keep you safe Edward?' Carlisle asked him, but he just stayed quiet and promised to call again soon before quickly hangin' up."

Emmett spoke now. "We didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks after that. We were worried of course, because we thought he would've contacted us by then if he had indeed caught up to Victoria. And we were concerned about who exactly he'd been referring to when he said 'she'll keep me safe.' As far as we knew, he'd been travelling alone. The Denali sisters hadn't heard from him, and we couldn't imagine who he'd been talking about."

My throat began to feel tight, and my pulse quickened. I could feel myself shaking in my seat. The fear that he'd been travelling with another woman was somehow overshadowed by a bigger fear I couldn't quite put a finger on; a fear that whatever Edward had been referring to was much worse than a female companion I couldn't even picture.

"You okay there Bella?" Jasper asked, glancing towards me with a worried frown. I simply nodded. He reached out and squeezed my hand, like I imagined a big brother would do to comfort me if I had one. "Relax," he spoke in a soothing tone. "I can feel your anxiety."

I suddenly felt myself relaxing, and I smiled at him in gratitude. But I just wanted to hear the rest of what happened. "Please Jasper. Continue," I urged. Jasper pursed his lips, but went on.

"Carlisle began to make a few phone calls to acquaintances of his in South America, to see if anyone had seen or heard from Edward, or Victoria for that matter. No one had heard anythin'. As far as anyone was concerned, there had been absolutely no strange vampire activity in Rio in recent weeks; no unfamiliar appearances, no unexplained deaths, not so much as an unaccounted for drained llama."

"She was never in Brazil, was she?" I finally asked. "Victoria, I mean." Victoria had been here, hunting me, evading the pack. There was no way for a person to be in two continents at the same time, not even someone as cunning as Victoria had been.

"No, she wasn't," Emmett confirmed in an uncharacteristically low voice. "Edward finally called one night, just as Carlisle was getting the necessary paperwork for us to travel to Brazil to look for him. He was…despondent. We could barely understand what he was saying, he spoke so quickly. Even for us. We gathered though that Victoria had tricked him once again, that she'd never actually stepped foot in Brazil. He'd lost hope of ever actually finding her." The tears ran down my cheeks as I sobbed quietly for him, for my Edward. For the feeling of hopelessness and despondency that he must've felt. For losing the only thing that had apparently been keeping him going for all those months. I knew only too well what that felt like; feeling like everything was hopeless.

Jasper squeezed my hand again. "Esme pleaded with him to come back, to take the next plane back to New York so we could figure out what to do next together. He didn't respond for a while. 'Please Edward,' Esme begged. 'We'll figure it out as a family,' she told him. Esme stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. 'Maybe it's time,' she whispered meekly into the phone, afraid of his reaction but unable to stop herself from hoping that this time he'd finally agree. 'Maybe it's time for you to go back to her.'"

Jasper and Emmett were both suddenly quiet. I swallowed hard before speaking. "What…what did he say?" My voice was rough from my sobbing.

Jasper pulled the car over to the side of the road and cut the engine. He sat there for a long while, both his hands on the steering wheel and staring down, before finally turning to look at me. His eyes were pained, as if just the memory were almost too much to bear.

"He said," he began, "he said he didn't have to go back to you, because he had your warmth right next to him."

My heart dropped to my stomach as I took in Jasper's words. I had no idea what that meant. Had Edward found someone else while he was in Rio? Had he met up with someone while he hunted Victoria, someone who had truly distracted him? The thought that this could be a possibility ripped through my heart, and it would've probably sent me into hysterics if it wasn't for the fact that deep inside, deep within my heart, I knew that couldn't be true. I knew there had to be another explanation. But I feared that that explanation would probably be worse than Edward having found another woman to distract him for a while, to make him feel warm again.

Emmett opened up his door and stepped out of the car. He opened my door and knelt down next to me. "Esme was getting extremely…alarmed by this point. 'What's going on Edward?' she asked him. 'Who's there with you?' But he wouldn't answer."

My sobs racked my body as I imagined how unnerving that must've been for Esme, who I knew loved Edward the way my father loved me. "After a while, he hung up, leaving Esme and the rest of us completely dumbfounded and…terrified."

"Carlisle finished the travel arrangements quickly. He planned to come with us, of course, with Jasper and me, but we convinced him it would be best if just the two of us went. We weren't sure what we'd find, or how long we'd be gone, and Carlisle needed to stay to comfort Esme, who'd gone to pieces." He took a deep breath before continuing. "Carlisle had had Edward's cell phone traced, so when we arrived in Rio we had a relatively easy time following his scent and then locating his hotel. He was staying in one of the seedier, smellier parts of town." – Emmett's lips curled in disgust, remembering. – "We climbed up the steps carefully, aware that he could probably hear us coming, and not exactly sure how he'd react to that."

My heart was beating wildly in my chest by now. Emmett reached out to grab one of my hands in his huge one, and Jasper held on to my other hand from across the seat. I knew they meant to comfort me, to prepare me for whatever was coming, but just the fact that they felt a need to hold me through whatever was next increased my anxiety exponentially.

It was Jasper that finished the story. "As we approached his room, we heard no noises coming from inside, even though we knew he was in there, and he must've known we were just at his door. That in itself worried us. Why wasn't he coming out to greet us, or to curse us out for following him here after he'd told us not to?" Jasper looked down, shaking his head. "We pushed the door open – it hadn't even been locked – not that he'd need to worry about any of the humans hurting him, but still, to _not even lock the door_." Jasper muttered.

"For the love of God Jasper, what was it? What did you find?" I begged through my tears, trying to get him back on track. I couldn't take it any more. "Was there…was someone there with him?"

Jasper looked at me with unsettled eyes. "Bella, when we found Edward," – he paused again, struggling to stay composed – "He was lying on his bed, the sheets tangled and matted all around him. He was on his side with his back to us, and he didn't even stir as we entered. He was alone Bella. Completely. Alone."

I closed my eyes and let out a huge gust of air, unable to feel the relief I thought I would at knowing Edward had been alone, that he hadn't found respite from his loneliness with another woman. But instead of relief, the thought of Edward lying in that cold, dirty bed, isolated from everyone, half-way around the world from me, from anyone who loved him, felt like thousands of tiny needles prickling at my heart all at once. I winced from the incredible pain, from the unimaginable loneliness I could only imagine he must've felt.

"We approached him slowly, unsure of what he'd do." Jasper went on. "We had no idea what state of mind he was in. When we came to his side, his eyes were wide open, staring off into nothing. They were black as coal, he obviously hadn't fed in a long while, and the dark circles were deep and wide, as if he hadn't slept in ages, which of course, he had no need to. His clothes were all wrinkled and tattered. He probably hadn't changed or bathed in weeks, if not months."

Jasper squeezed my hand even tighter. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I kept my head down, the tears falling thick and heavy into my lap, soaking the hem of the blue dress Edward had admired on me just a few hours ago. Emmett grasped my other hand between his two big ones with even more pressure, trying to keep me together.

"Bella, we didn't know what to do." He sounded apologetic, as if he somehow blamed himself for the state they'd found their brother in. "We didn't know what to say to him. We knelt at the foot of his bed and his gaze never wavered. He just kept on looking straight ahead, right past us, as if he were waiting for something to break him out of the trance he was in. We weren't sure if he could even hear our thoughts anymore. I remember wondering what he was thinking, what was he waiting for?"

"He spoke then," Jasper's voice was somber. "His words were rough and dry, as if he hadn't spoken out loud in a while, probably since getting off the phone with Esme. 'If I stay still long enough, if I don't move, she comes to me. I can see her, I can even smell her! But…I've been lying here, waiting, and it's getting harder and harder to…her scent, I can't pick up her scent anymore! And she won't come…' He sounded desperate and terrified."

"At first, I thought he was still talking about Victoria. I thought that somehow, in his confused state, he'd forgotten that Victoria had never been in Rio. But then as I looked at him more closely and took in the way he was lying on the bed, curled in on himself and hugging one of the yellowing, dirty pillows to his chest, I realized it wasn't Victoria's scent he was trying to pick up, it was yours."

Jasper's words came out rushed and anxious. "I tried to make him see reason, to snap him out of the confused state he was in! 'Edward! Bella's not here!' I told him. 'Bella's _never_ been here. You can't pick up her scent because she's back home in Forks. She's been there all along. You have to get up Edward! If you can't take this any longer, then let's go back to Forks. She's there Edward. You can be with her again!' I hoped he was ready to see now how futile this attempt to stay away from you had really been."

"'No!' he growled, with a force that surprised me, considerin' the state of him. 'Don't you see?' he pleaded. 'I can't be with her there! I'd kill her! One way or another I'd kill her, and take everything away from her! And then she'd hate me for it! Maybe not right away but…eventually. Eventually she'd hate me and then I'd lose her forever. Here, at least I can't hurt her. At least here we can be together without me hurting her.'

"I begged him to understand. 'But Edward, this isn't real! You can't stay like this! This is madness Edward!' I stood up and paced the small room back and forth, trying to get a grip on myself. Edward's confusion was so strong that I myself was having a hard time thinking clearly. I needed to collect myself so that I could try to pass some of that clearness on to him."

"Thankfully," Jasper continued. "Emmett wasn't affected by Edward's confusion and was already going around the room picking up the few possessions he had lyin' around and throwing it all into the duffel bag that lay thrown in the corner. I focused as hard as I could and turned back to Edward, hoping to make him feel more clear-headed. He still hadn't moved from the fetal position he was in. 'Edward,' I began, 'way I see it, you got two choices here, my brother.' My voice was hard and sure. I wasn't playing games with him or tip-toeing around him anymore. I wasn't Esme. 'You either come back to New York with us and let your family help you through this, or you get yourself back to Forks and to Bella. Either way, you ain't stayin' here.'"

"Edward simply replied, 'Here is the only place I can be with her like this, without hurting her,'" Jasper resumed. "'She is _not_ here Edward! There is nothin' here 'cept for the smell of dirty sewers, sweaty bodies and rancid food! Go back to Forks! Go back to her!' I was infuriated, and he yelled back, 'I can't go back to her Jazz. I can't. That's not an option!'"

"I put my hands up to my head, fighting back the confusion emanating from Edward. 'Then come home,' I moaned, exasperated but trying to only emanate focus and clearness to Edward. 'Come home with us and we'll all help you through this.'"

"Edward finally sat up. It was the first time he'd moved a muscle other than his mouth since we'd gotten there. He sat on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. 'I can't do that to you. To any of you.' He finally looked up at me, and his eyes were lifeless, dead. It was like looking into two empty, endless black holes. 'Look at yourself Jasper,' he mused. 'Look at how difficult it is for you to be around me. You can't even think straight.' And he was right. It was takin' everythin' I had to stop myself from runnin' out that room, or throwin' myself off the balcony. Edward read my mind, of course. He chuckled sadly. 'Do you really want to feel this agony, this despair every single day of your life, for an eternity Jasper? Because that's how it'll be. I won't be the only one suffering. I'll drag you all down with me.'"

Jasper watched me now with guilty eyes. "I gotta admit to you Bella, I was tempted for half-a-second to just leave him there. To let him continue with his delusions and self-loathing and get myself and Emmett as far away from him as I could." He turned away from me then, lowering his head in shame. "But then I thought of Alice. Of how she was waitin' for me at home, countin' on me and Emmett to bring her prodigal brother back. I thought of our mother Esme, and how lost and terrified she'd looked just before we'd left, and then the hopeful gleam that had lit her eyes as I promised her we'd bring Edward back safely. I thought of Carlisle, of how hard he was tryin' to remain strong for the family through Edward's absence, but of how I could feel the emptiness in his heart without Edward there. And even Rosalie" – Emmett, still kneeling next to me, chuckled at Jasper's mention of his wife – "Rosalie who was angry and moody more than usual lately, who tried to pretend she couldn't care less that Edward was gone, but who couldn't hide her true feelings from me." Jasper looked back over at me, smiling wistfully now. "And then I thought of myself, and how much I missed him. How much Em and I both missed him. It wasn't the same without him. And I knew" – Jasper paused – "I knew that if I ever had to live without Alice" – he shuddered – "I would be a mess," – he shook his head quickly, as if to dispel the thought – "but my family would do all they could to help me through it. Edward wouldn't abandon me, and I wasn't about to abandon him."

I took my hand out of his grip, and slowly raised it to his cheek. "You're a good man Jasper. And a great brother," I added. I turned to Emmett. "Both of you are."

Jasper sighed deeply before continuing. "Anyway, we got him packed up. He'd read my mind, he saw how much we all missed him. He wasn't happy about it, but we made him come home with us; wasn't in much shape to put up much of a fight anyway. Em here was ready to knock him out if that's what it took to get him outta there. Weren't you Em?"

"Damn straight I was," Em chuckled.

"True to his word though, those first few weeks with him home were a nightmare," Jasper shook his head and rolled his eyes. "He came home, locked himself up in his room, and refused to come out. Like a stubborn teenager throwing a tantrum. His pain and confusion hadn't diminished, matta-fact, the more I tried to help him with it, the stronger it got, like he was purposely blockin' my attempts in order to punish himself even further. Got so bad after a while that I could barely stand to be within a couple-a-miles of him. I don't know how he survived under the weight of that agony day in and day out. He wouldn't listen to anybody, not even Esme."

As I listened to Jasper, I remembered myself in those first few weeks and months after Edward left. I'd been like a zombie; not seeing, not hearing not caring what went on in the world around me. I'd been…unwell, to say the least. Apparently Edward had been just as unwell as me. While I'd been held prisoner in my mind by the fears and insecurities that had haunted me since Edward's departure, Edward had been haunted by his own demons, his own insecurities about his self-worth. My heart ached to hold him, to hold him as he'd been during that time, alone and hopeless; to caress him and kiss him and reassure him that I would never stop loving him, that he wasn't a danger to me. That he would've never led to my end. That he was and always would be my beginning.

"It was Alice that finally got him to leave that room. Still don't know till this day what she said to get him to come out. Just know that one day, she got this look on her face, like she'd had enough, and marched up to his room all determined like. Good thing too, 'cause Em and me were gettin' set to march right in there ourselves and bash his brains in."

I looked at Jasper questioningly. "That bad?"

Jasper's voice was low and serious. "Yes, it was that bad."

Jasper took on a contemplative tone. "After that, things changed slightly. Although he was never the same, he at least tried somewhat to act …alive, awake, mentally stable; or at least as mentally stable as can be expected of him." I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

Jasper shrugged. "And, that was basically it for a long time. Carlisle tried to get him to enroll at the university with us, but he only went one day. Said he wasn't ready, and then he never tried again."

"So that's why he didn't go to college with you guys?"

Jasper nodded.

I gazed in front of me, through the windshield, which was now being dotted by lightly falling raindrops. The deep woods surrounded us, covered in a deep black, a black that let you know that it was way beyond midnight and still hours away from daylight. My eyes moved to the wooded trees to the left of the road. I couldn't see anything, yet I wondered how far away Edward was. Did he know we were here? Did he know what his brothers were telling me? And why hadn't he wanted me to know? For weeks, I'd been wondering what Edward had been doing during his time away. I thought back to the things I'd said to him in the past few weeks, the insinuations that he had, actually, been off having a grand time, fully distracting himself.

"_Go home Edward. Go back to living the life you were living before Alice threw a wrench in it with her fuzzy visions."_

"…_between Rio and Denali, I've got a pretty clear picture of what you've been doing for the past few years."_

God, I'd been so wrong.

"And then, of course, one day a couple of years ago," Jasper went on dryly, "my little Alice had a vision of Victoria." I quickly turned my attention back to Jasper, my eyes growing wide.

"She saw Victoria's body torn to shreds and burned, off in the middle of some snowy, wooded area somewhere."

"The wolves," I said instantly, then realizing my words, I shook my head quickly. "I mean, Jake and his pack. They tore her apart and burned her body. It was a snowy Christmas night."

Jasper nodded and watched me sedately. "There was no way of telling, from the vision, where it was. Edward had never given up on the idea of finding Victoria, but his…stamina, his strength, was no longer what it used to be. He barely hunted enough to keep himself satiated, much less enough to go on a tracking expedition against an adversary like Victoria. Nevertheless, as soon as Alice had the vision, Edward was ready to go find her, to make sure the vision was carried out the way Alice had seen it. Of course, Emmett and I would've gone with him." A look of remorse crossed Jasper's features once again before he continued. "But Bella, we just wanted our brother to finally go back to some semblance of normalcy. He'd been…gone, in his own way, for so long by then. When Alice saw that Victoria would die, without Edward's interference or help, we all wanted to believe that this would somehow help him heal. Help him return to us." He shook his head vigorously and looked down momentarily before meeting my eyes again. "We were convinced, and somehow we convinced Edward, that he didn't need to go find Victoria." Jasper's voice took on an incredulous tone, as if even now he couldn't believe how they'd managed to convince Edward of anything. "That she would meet her end without his help or interference," Jasper finished.

I nodded my understanding. "You thought she was far from me."

Jasper nodded quickly, seeming relieved that I understood. "Yes! I swear to you Bella, we had no idea she was in Forks! We had no idea what you were going through! Had Edward known, had _any of us_ known, we would've returned instantly!"

I brought my hand back up to his cheek. "I know that Jasper." I turned to Emmett, who had the same shameful look on his face that Jasper wore. "I know that," I reassured them both. "Please don't hold yourselves responsible for any of that."

Abruptly, I pulled my hand away from Jasper's cheek and placed it on my forehead. "Ugh!" I sighed. "I can only _imagine_ how Edward must've felt when he found out Victoria had been hunting me in Forks!"

"Ugh, you don't wanna know!" Emmett chimed in. "Both Jasper and me had to hold him down to keep him from running back here all the way from New York. And that's considering the fact that he hadn't been feeding properly for a long, long time! Took all my strength to hold his skinny ass down," Emmett chuckled. We all had a laugh, in spite of ourselves.

We were quiet for a while after that, the three of us lost in our own thoughts. Remembering the pain of our loved ones, remembering our own pain, wondering what all this meant for our future.

"Why didn't Edward want to tell me about this?" I wondered aloud in a whispered voice.

Emmett raised is eyebrows, and pursed his lips. "Bella, I'm sure if you think about it, you can figure that one out."

So I thought about it. Edward had hurt as much as I had, sweet Jesus, perhaps even more, since we'd been apart. He'd felt all the pain, all the doubts, all the fears and insecurities that I'd felt. And whereas my father and Jake had been my anchors to sanity, Edward's anchors had been his family. But neither of us had led a full life, a real life, for the past few years.

"He knew it would hurt me," I answered. "He knew hearing about everything he'd gone through, how much pain he'd been in, would hurt me, and he wanted to spare me that."

Emmett nodded sadly. "You know how he tries to protect you all the time Bella, even at his own expense. _Especially_ at his own expense. And besides," Emmett continued in a voice softer than I'd ever heard him use, "he doesn't want you to feel sorry for him. It's not that he's ashamed. He wears his suffering proudly; he's a freakin' martyr like that." – Emmett rolled his eyes – "He just doesn't want your…decision, to be based on pity." Emmett gazed at me intently. "You have to do what's right for _you _Bella, based on your needs, not on anyone else's."

"We weren't going to tell you about all this Bella," Jasper confided. "We didn't really think it was our place. But, well, Jacob's been insinuating for the past couple of days that Edward was off having a fine and dandy time without you, and that's just not true. And we knew Edward would never set the record straight, because that's just not his style. Like Em said, he'd hurt himself a thousand-fold before causing you any sort of pain."

I nodded, because I knew how true that was.

"And just so you'll know," Emmett spoke in a firm tone, "Edward _will_ survive Bella, if you decide to stay with the mong-, er, with Jacob. Don't feel that you have to pick him because you're afraid of what'll happen to him if you don't. He's a strong man Bella; stronger than he gives himself credit for. Will he be happy? I don't think I have to give you the answer to that. But he will survive. We'll be there for him. Just like we'll be here for you from now on. We can't stay in Forks indefinitely, but we'll always be around when you need us. You're our little sister as much as Edward's our brother."

Tears stung my eyes at Emmett's words, and I bent down to plant a soft kiss on his cold, hard cheek. He smiled and I could've sworn if it were possible he would've blushed.

"I love you too big brother," I smiled back. I turned to Jasper, who watched me wide eyed. "And you too, even though I'm sure you can feel that already," I laughed. Jasper smiled tenderly.

I sighed again, gazing ahead of me once more. Biting my lip anxiously, I tried to imagine a future for myself without Edward in it. Again. The pain was excruciating; the bile rising in my throat as I fought off a wave of unimaginable nausea. But then I tried to picture myself breaking Jake, telling him that after everything he'd done for me for the past few years, after saving me from the same insanity that had plagued Edward, after rescuing me from Laurent and Victoria, after being there for me in every way imaginable, I had to leave him for Edward. I dropped my face into my hands, unable to see a way out of the pain I was going to cause one of them. So much pain, so much suffering. Edward would survive, Emmett had said. But would I? Would I survive without him? And would I survive knowing that somewhere out there, Edward was in unimaginable agony?

I turned to Jasper sharply. "Jasper, will you do something for me?"

Jasper watched me warily. "Depends on what it is, little sis."

I took a deep breath. "I need to know Jasper. I need to know, I need to feel, exactly what Edward felt while we were apart."

Jasper's eyes widened in surprise. "Bella, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Jasper, please," I begged. "I…I know what I felt, what I went through while he was gone. I just need to…to know what he went through."

"Bella," Jasper began in a warning tone, "I told you. It was so bad, _I_ couldn't even stand to be around him at times."

Edward would survive, Emmett had said. But what would I be putting him through, if I stayed with Jake? I had to know. Was it masochistic of me? Probably. But I didn't care.

"Please, Jasper. I just need to know. I need to feel his pain."

Jasper eyed me warily, seeming to hesitate before his resolve finally wavered. He closed his eyes once and pursed his lips. "This goes against my better judgment, and if Edward ever finds out about this-"

"I won't say anything if you don't," I interrupted.

He nodded his head, looking very uncomfortable, but defeated.

I sat still, waiting for Jasper's gift to affect me.

Like a truck that blind-sides you, that you never see coming, the pain took me with a violent force. I suddenly felt as if hot, molten acid were being pored onto my heart, dissolving it into black, charred ashes. My lungs. My lungs were non-existent. No, that was wrong. They existed, but a hole so wide had suddenly been punched through, and all the air was being sucked out of me all at once, instead of slowly. I found myself gasping wildly for air, for some way to fill the gaping hole. My head throbbed with the pain of a thousand hammers slamming into it all at once. Some part of me I couldn't even identify filled with such a sudden feeling of despair, of utter loneliness and desolation, that I abruptly felt like I was the only person in the world; like I was trapped all alone in a dark, cold cave, with no one to help me out; with no way of ever finding my way to the light again. My body shook uncontrollably, unable to deal with all the pain, all the torture, until I felt as if my entire system were about to lock down.

"Bella!" Emmett gasped, and as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Unable to handle such a sudden shift in emotions, a violent wave of nausea overtook me and I pushed my way past Emmett to lean over into the darkened road and retched violently onto the slick, wet concrete.

"Bella!" Emmett cried again, and held me from behind as I proceeded to expel every item I'd consumed within the past twenty-four hours. I felt Jasper at my side also, holding my hair back as the gagging finally ebbed. When my heaving finally stopped, the sobs began in earnest.

"I'm sorry Bella!" Jasper pleaded. "I'm so sorry!" His tone was full of remorse.

"No! Jasper!" I tried to speak between sobs. "Don't! Not your fault!" But my sobbing wouldn't let me form a complete sentence.

How had Edward borne it? How had he lived with such pain, such agony, day in and day out for so long? I couldn't even bare it for five seconds! I'd suffered when Edward left. The pain I'd felt was like my heart being torn into millions of pieces, my lungs punctured with millions of tiny holes. But the pain had been constant, like a steady flow of misery continually at my side. Edward's pain had been…total destruction of the heart, total destruction of the lungs, until nothing was left but just an all consuming despair.

"How did he?" I continued through my sobs. "Why?"

Emmett took me into his huge arms, while Jasper stroked my hair. "Shh, Bella," Emmett cooed. "It'll be alright. Relax. It'll be alright," he continued comforting me, until my sobbing finally began to slow and I was able to somewhat regulate my breathing again.

"We're vampires," Jasper tried to explain. "Our feelings, our system, it's not the same as humans. Everything is much more pronounced, more intensified. It doesn't mean we love deeper than you can, or that our suffering is greater, just that the level at which we feel our emotions is different from that of humans. I'm sorry Bella, I should've never agreed to let you feel that. Those aren't reactions your body is used to."

"Jasper, please stop apologizing," I whispered. My voice was hoarse from all the retching. "I'm not upset at you. I needed to know. No matter how painful it was, it was something I needed to know." I reached out a hand from under Emmett's grip and grabbed on to Jasper's, giving it a tight squeeze which he probably didn't even feel.

After a few minutes, we climbed back into the car, making the rest of the drive back to Forks in relative silence. I'd learned so much tonight. I knew exactly why Edward had left almost five years ago, the obvious and the not-so-obvious reasons. I knew what he'd gone through, what his life had been like for the past few years. And I knew, _really knew_, the pain he'd experienced during our separation; a separation he had initiated, but which had cost us both unimaginable suffering.

I felt no closer to the answer to my problem. How could I pick between the two men who had been willing to give their lives for me, without causing one of them unimaginable pain?

Just a few hours ago, Gabby had said that there was only one man that could really make me happy. Deep in my heart, I knew who that man, mortal or not, really was. That was not a question any longer. In reality, it never had been. But she'd also said that there was only one man that _I'd_ be able to make happy. What about the other man? I was at a crossroads with two paths. What would happen to the road not taken?

There was one thing I did know though, without a shadow of a doubt. Edward's pain was my pain. I could no more put him through that again than I could ask Jasper to put _me_ through it again.

There was no way, not while I lived and breathed, that Edward would ever feel that alone again. Never. Again.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so we're getting close. I know many of you just want to see Edward and Bella together again. Trust me, we're practically there now. **

**Edward's POV returns next chapter. And the next couple of chapters will be crazy, I promise you! Lots of stuff is going to happen to get us to where we need to be.**

**The story itself is almost done. I've got about 4, maybe five more chapters to go, and an Epilogue. Don't forget to put me on Author Alert if you haven't already. I've got another story ready, and I'll probably start posting it in the next couple of weeks, before this one ends.**

**Thanks for all your wonderful reviews! Please keep them coming. They encourage me to write quicker. Really!**

**Review and then go on to the next chapter!!!! It's up already!**


	26. Chapter 27 Take Me Home

**A/N: Okay guys. Read on. What you've been waiting for. We'll talk at the end!**

**Thanks to my lovely betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724. And you can blame (or thank) Danna for Alice's hobbling around on one heel in this chapter!**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Except for Gabby, who is about to get pulled into a world she never dreamed of!**

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, that's something I must live with everyday._

_And all the pain I put you through. I wish that I could take it all away._

_And be the one who captures all your tears. _

_That's why I need you to hear. _

_I found a reason for me to change who I used to be._

_A reason to start over new._

_And the reason is you._

_I found a reason to show, a side of me you didn't know._

_A reason for all that I do._

_And the reason is you__**. – The Reason, Hoobastank**_

**Chapter 27 – Take Me Home**

**EPOV**

"Edward, we're back!" Alice's loud, shrill voice reached me at the same time that her thoughts did, diverting my attention away from the herd of deer I was hiding from and, for the time being, deferring their demise. I whipped my head around quickly at the sound of her voice, sending a low whoosh of air in the direction of the herd; who scampered away at full speed as they caught scent of me. Oh well, I shrugged my shoulders, coming out from behind the large oak I'd been hiding behind. I wasn't really that thirsty anyway; it was more boredom and anxiousness that had driven me deep into the forest this afternoon, looking for a way to distract myself as I waited for Alice and Rose's return from the Grand Opening of Eclipse, Bella's bookstore.

I walked in the direction of Alice's scent, picking up the soft sound of her footsteps as she ran towards me, her giggles echoing of the trees and sending a gentle vibration throughout that mixed with the breeze to flutter the leaves all around us. Scattered images of Bella, along with herself and Rose as well as dozens of other people, both familiar and unfamiliar, danced around in her mind.

She catapulted herself into me at full speed, almost knocking me down from the force of her little body running into me at 110 miles an hour. Hmm, not too bad, I supposed. Maybe someday she'd be able to keep up with me.

"Whoa!" I held her back with my arms, watching as her darkened eyes sparkled with excitement. She and the rest hadn't hunted properly in a while. They would have to feed soon.

"I take it all went well?" I asked, watching in her mind as Bella, looking tired but as beautiful as ever, greeted people pleasantly into her store; helping them make their selections, guiding them through the internet station, helping the baristas prepare and serve coffee to the store patrons; all with a lovely smile that brought an ache to my heart as I remembered I hadn't seen that smile, I hadn't seen her, in a week now.

"It went perfect Edward!" Alice gleamed happily. "Absolutely perfect!" She held on to my forearms tightly. "You should've seen how many people came! Everyone in town has apparently been dying for some place like Bella's little Eclipse; a place to hang out, check out some books, surf the internet, and have some good coffee. It was an absolute success," she screeched in delight, pulling me into a hug before pushing away. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, even though the fact that I'd been asked to stay away from the festivities today still stung slightly. Nevertheless, it couldn't overshadow the satisfaction and pride I felt for my Bella at the knowledge that her opening day had been such an extreme success.

"Bella must have been thrilled," I commented, wanting to hear more about her, about what her reaction to the day had been.

"Oh, she was!" Alice confirmed with a chuckle. "You should've seen her scurrying about like a little worker bee. Rose and I kept trying to help her, but you know how she gets; always wanting to do everything herself. We had a hard time keeping up with her," Alice mused. "Well, no, not really. But you know what I mean!" she laughed.

"Yes, I do," I smiled easily, knowing Bella's independent spirit. I watched in Alice's mind as Bella pushed Rose away when Rose tried to bring up a box of books to the front. Rose stood back and smirked as Bella tried to lift the obviously very heavy box, only getting it about an inch off the floor before dropping it back down with a loud thud, barely missing her toes. I cringed. Rose smirked again before walking past Bella to easily pick the box up again with one arm and walking it to the front while eyeing Bella with a smug smile.

I shook my head. "That was close Alice," I chastised.

"Oh relax," she teased. "It wasn't going to get her foot. I'd seen it already."

I pursed my lips, trying to hold in the question that I knew would give away my insuppressible jealousy, but in the end gave up and just asked, knowing Alice would see right through me anyway. "Weren't there any…men there to help out with the boxes that still needed to be emptied?" I cringed internally at the obviousness in my tone.

Alice raised an eyebrow before answering. "Actually, no. Bella didn't want too many people there at the grand opening today, other than store patrons, obviously. She was worried too many people standing around and offering help and stuff would scare away the potential clients. That's why she only asked Rose, Gabby and me to come."

I let out a large gust of air, feeling relief flood me at the knowledge that it hadn't just been me that had been denied an invitation to today's opening; the tension I'd been feeling all week slightly diminished.

Alice watched me pensively. _'Edward, I wish I could see better. I wish I knew what was going on so I could help you.'_

"You help me enough Alice," I reassured her. "You help me by helping her." Alice smiled at me sadly and gave my arms a comforting squeeze.

"We made do just fine without any of you guys though," she teased me again. "Even though we were two hands short what we expected." I looked at her questioningly. "Gabby didn't show up," she explained with a deep sigh. "She called Bella this morning and told her she wasn't feeling well. Bella's getting kind of worried, Gabby's been sick for about a week now." _'She looked like crap after the party,'_ Alice contemplated. _'Rose and I were scared we'd have to carry her into her house after we followed her home in Rose's Beetle, but she assured us she was fine before getting all teary-eyed and practically running inside.'_

"I'm starting to get a little worried myself." Alice's tone was uneasy. "I've been trying to _see_ her all week, but I can't see a thing. It's like something's blocking my visions of her."

I nodded my head, pondering Alice's words - both spoken and thought - and reflecting on what I'd seen occur between her and Jacob after the dance last Saturday.

It had been the strangest thing. One moment the dog's mind was filled with an all-consuming rage, with a refusal to accept that Bella had a decision to make, with a belief that there was only one clear choice, and that that choice was him. He wasn't ready to let her walk away, to let her have some time to figure out what she wanted. And just as Alice had been about to lead Bella out of the hotel lobby, he'd snapped, deciding to give her an ultimatum; making her choose right then and there.

Of course, I'd seen it in his mind when he'd decided to call her back, and I could've stopped him before her name would've left his lips; could've been on him, pummeling him into oblivion, before his mouth even formed the word. But I'd hesitated, because this wasn't how I wanted to do this. I didn't want to have to hurt the mutt. No matter what, I knew Bella cared for him, and that made it impossible for me to truly hurt him; physically at least. And what's more, as I'd just said to him moments earlier, I would forever be indebted to him for all he'd done for Bella when I hadn't been around. I knew he loved her, and I couldn't blame him for that. I could never put down someone who loved my Bella.

So it was all these things that stopped me from charging him at that moment. And it was all the time it took for Gabby, who'd been standing just a few feet away, to run over to Jacob. As she reached out to stop him from going after Bella, her thoughts were filled with sympathy. She was concerned that Bella had had enough for the night, and that Jacob had to give her a chance to figure out what she wanted.

All of a sudden, it wasn't rage that filled Jacob's mind. It was a mind-blowing, overwhelming sense of shock, as if he'd just seen a ghost; the ghost of someone he'd never expected to see. He pulled away from Gabby as if her touch had…branded him. I began to approach them, afraid that in his rage, Jacob might somehow lash out at Gabby.

But it was the sudden realization that Jacob had pulled away from Gabby as if he'd been _branded_, staring at her now both like he'd never seen her before and like he'd _always_ known her, that started my thinking. I stopped, realizing that Jacob had no intention of hurting Gabby, and watched them both curiously now.

"Whattha?" Jacob growled as he pulled away from her. _'What the hell just happened?_' he thought. '_Why did I just feel like…'_ His mind became a puddle of confusion. '_Where did she come from?_' he thought, barely focusing on Gabby telling him that Bella had had enough for the night. He nodded his head at her dumbly, looking like he wasn't even aware of what he was agreeing to. _'But she never…I never…,'_ he thought. I continued to watch them, Jacob glaring at her with both angry and frightened eyes, while Gabby -afraid of the reaction she'd caused in him - looked down at her feet.

'_What was that?'_ she thought to herself as she stared at the floor. _'What in the world was that?'_

I waited for one of them to expand on what was happening, but they both appeared to be so flustered at the moment that they couldn't even form a coherent thought, much less a coherent sentence. Frustrated by their inability to think straight, I looked around quickly for Jasper, to see if he could help me out here, if he could let me know what the feelings behind their thoughts were, but apparently he'd followed Bella and his wife out of the hotel, and he was currently whispering something about _'the whole story'_ into his wife's ear. Exasperated by everyone's inability to cooperate here, I turned back to Jacob.

'_This can't be!'_ he thought suddenly, the confusion quickly beginning to morph into rage again. _'No, No!'_ he thought, and suddenly he was off and running, turning towards one of the back exits to the hotel.

Seth, who'd been standing quietly to his side, turned to look at me with a confusion in his eyes that I was sure matched my own, before shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. _'What the hell just happened?'_ he thought, not the first one with that original thought in that lobby that night. I shrugged back and jerked my head in Jake's direction, signaling that he should follow his pack brother. Seth smiled apologetically; as if he'd done anything he needed to apologize for, other than be a friend to all of us. As quickly as he could without calling attention to his unnatural speed, he was off after his brother.

I stood there, alone with Gabby, wondering what in the world I'd just witnessed.

'_Oh my God. Oh my God. What was that? What __**was**__ that?'_ Gabby kept thinking, her eyes glazing over with what looked like tears threatening to spill.

"Are you okay Gabby?" I was worried that the girl was going to have some sort of break down right here, and there was absolutely no one else around to help. Where the hell was Alice when you really needed her?

As if on cue, Alice's voice carried into the lobby. "Gabby honey, we've had a change of plans. Em and Jazz are taking Bella home, and Rose and I-," she stopped. She took one look at Gabby's rattled appearance and quickly hobbled over on her broken heel. "Gabby honey, what's wrong with _you_ now?" Alice glared over at me. _'What did you do?_

I glared back at her, putting both my hands up, palms out, signaling I'd had nothing to do with it.

Alice rolled her eyes and looked back at Gabby. _'Oh for the love of all that's holy, gimme a break here with these human girls and their emotional__roller coaster rides!_

Alice took a deep breath, before speaking in a gentle voice. "Gabby, what's going on?"

When Gabby finally looked up to answer Alice, her voice came out in a shaky whisper. "I…I don't know. Something…I just…."

I was never going to get an intelligible thought or sentence out of her tonight.

"I just don't feel well Alice," Gabby finally spoke in a full sentence. "I have to go home. Right now."

Alice looked at her questioningly, her eyes taking on that far away look I knew meant she was trying to see more than just what was in front of her. They quickly narrowed into a disgruntled smirk.

"Alright Gabby." She spoke to her warmly, although she was obviously displeased by her lack of visions. "Rose and I will follow you in her car to make sure you get home okay."

Gabby simply nodded before quickly heading towards the door. Alice looked at me and shrugged, and I shook my head and gave her a shrug in return. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't ready to share them just yet.

"Alice, do you need me to accompany you?" I asked, not wanting to leave the girls off on their own, even though I knew they were perfectly safe and even though there was something else I wanted to do right now.

"No Edward," Alice moaned in an exasperated tone. "We'll be just fine. You just get yourself home," she ordered, before turning with Rose to follow Gabby out_. 'And don't go chasing Em and Jazz either. They don't need your help getting Bella home safely. They'll be fine,'_ she confirmed.

I simply nodded, because as much as I wanted to follow Bella home tonight, I had another direction I needed to head in.

I took the same back exit Jacob and Seth had taken out of the hotel, following their scent across the road, to where they'd parked. Yet even though I was able to follow their scent down most of the highway they'd taken here from Forks, eventually I had to accept that I'd given them too much of a head start, and that I wouldn't be catching up to them tonight. I slowed down and ran into the dark, wooded forest, preferring to find my way back home through the quiet sanctuary of the woods rather than along the sides of the highway, where scattered headlights made their occasional showing. I cursed my luck.

What had happened back there at the hotel? Why had Jacob reacted so strangely to Gabby's touch? Why had their thoughts been so flustered? Why had Jacob's mind been so full of denial as he watched Gabby? He'd watched her in much the same way that…that I'd looked at Bella that day so long ago, the first time I'd been attacked by her scent in Biology class. I'd looked at her with equal parts rage and confusion. Rage because I'd been almost helpless against the pull to her scent, and confused because the pull to _her_ had been even stronger.

After that night of the dance, I'd kept my suspicions to myself, unable to prove them one way or the other until I saw either Jacob or Gabby again. If it weren't for the fact that I had more important things to think about, like the fact that I hadn't seen or heard from Bella in a week now, the Jacob slash Gabby riddle might have driven me mad. I hated unresolved brainteasers.

But what really mattered now was what Bella wanted; whether she still wanted me, still wanted a life with me; or whether she wanted to keep her very human life; with or without Jacob. I wouldn't have blamed her either way. I knew I'd never deserve her; all I could do now was wait and hope; wait for her word, and hope that I'd survive her decision.

"Anyway," –Alice's tiny voice brought me back to the present – "Bella says she's going to give Gabby 'till Monday to get better. If not, I promised I'd take the ride with her up to Port Angeles Monday night, after we all come back from our hunt, to go check on her.

"Sounds like a good idea," I agreed, wondering how much longer _I'd_ have to wait before I saw Bella. Before I had some sort of idea what was going on.

My face must have registered my restless uncertainty, because Alice suddenly looked at my sympathetically. "Are you sure you don't want to come hunting with us this weekend Edward?" She watched me hopefully, although I'm sure she knew I wouldn't change my mind. "We'll be back by Monday morning," she assured, hoping this would persuade me.

"No Alice," I confirmed again. "I can't leave now." We'd had this conversation more than once since she and the rest of my family had decided to go away for a couple of nights; to go deep into the mountains for a hunt. They'd all been so wary of leaving me alone when we'd first arrived in Forks that none of them had hunted properly in a few weeks, except for a few deer and elk here and there, which were starting to get really mundane. I'd been lucky enough to run into a pride of mountain lions, as well as a healthy grizzly bear, during my blind binge a couple of weeks ago, after Bella and I had argued outside of my house. I was still feeling pretty satiated from that. Besides, right now was not a good time for me to go off on a weekend hunt.

"I've got to wait," I reminded her. "What if she decides…," I trailed off not knowing how to finish that sentence. "What if she comes looking for-"

"Edward," Alice interrupted me. She watched me through sorrowful eyes. Her mind suddenly closed, blocking me from seeing her thoughts. She did this whenever she had something to tell me that she wanted to word carefully.

"What is it Alice?" I asked warily.

Alice hesitated before speaking. "After we closed the store this afternoon, I asked Bella if she wanted to come over. You know, to celebrate how well the grand opening went and everything." She glanced at me guiltily, knowing we weren't supposed to be pressuring Bella in any way.

"Go on," I encouraged in an even tone.

Alice pursed her lips, a shadow of apprehension falling over her tiny features. "Well, she said she couldn't." She fell silent.

"Okay," I responded, not really surprised. I knew Bella probably didn't want to see me until she was ready to tell me whether she wanted me or not.

Alice pulled away, turning her back to me. Her words came out in a rush. "She-said-she-couldn't-because-she-was-going-to-La-Push. She-was-going-to-see-Jacob."

We were both silent. Alice kept her back to me, her head down and her shoulders slumped. Very ungraceful; especially for her. She looked like a child in that pose, rather than like a decades old vampire. I knew what it must have cost her to tell me that. My sister had been caught in the middle for weeks now; never sure what was right to say. Who to stand with, what words to utter; what words to keep to herself. She'd been walking a fine line between Bella and me for weeks, all in an effort to make us happy.

I walked over to Alice and put a hand on her tiny shoulder. "Alice. Hey, it's okay." I turned her around to face me, and when she looked up at me, her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. She collapsed into my arms, her tiny body racked with sobs, mentally if not physically exhausted from weeks of forced neutrality. "Ssh," I comforted her. "It'll be okay," I tried to assure her, even though I doubted the words myself.

"I'm sorry Edward," she cried. "I wish I could _see,_ but I can't. Bella didn't expand on what she said, and I didn't want to push her. I don't want to lose her _again_," she moaned. Her tiny body shook with her dry sobs.

"Don't apologize Alice." I rubbed her back soothingly. "I'm glad you didn't push. This is Bella's decision; her life, literally. Whatever she decides, we all have to stand by it." My dead heart constricted painfully even as I said the words, afraid that I'd be forced to live by them regardless of what Bella's decision was. But I knew they were words I had to stand by, even if they killed me. Bella's happiness was what mattered above all else; above my own, above my life.

"I know Edward," Alice agreed. She pulled away to look up at me. "And I told her that. I told her, 'Bella, no matter what, I love you, and you'll always be my sister. I just hope you let us continue to be a part of your life, whatever you decide.'" Alice's eyes took on a contemplative look. "She looked at me then," Alice continued, "like she wanted to say something. Her face appeared to light up for a fraction of a second, but she simply smiled and told me she loved me too, and she always would." Alice's face clouded over again. "And then she promised to talk to me later, and Rose and I left," Alice finished with a shrug.

We both stood there for a while longer, listening as the breeze blew through the blades of grass at our feet, swaying them gently to and fro. The leaves bristled quietly, a few falling slowly through the air and gathering in piles of sage, jade and olive on the damp, mossy ground. Eventually, not knowing how to offer each other some sort of hope, some sort of comfort, Alice and I walked back home.

Before leaving, Alice asked me once more if I wanted to come with them, and once again I told her no. If Bella had indeed made her decision, I had to be here.

I watched my family disappear into the dark woods, grateful that they'd never given up on me. Somehow, throughout all the death and horror this life of ours entailed, we were fortunate enough to find each other. Carlisle was able to build a family out of a group of lost misfits, and somehow that family had held me up during my darkest times, and would hopefully be there for me again if the darkest of my times were still ahead of me.

I walked around the house restlessly, playing the piano for a while; my fingers always returning to the familiar keys that made up Bella's lullaby. I read for a while. I played Emmett's XBOX for a while, trying, in vain, to distract myself from Bella's brown eyes. The thought that I may only get a chance to gaze into them once more, and that it would be while she told me that she couldn't break Jacob's heart - even at the expense of her own - weighed heavily on me, until I felt like a man drowning under water, and I gasped deeply, taking in unnecessary breaths.

These past few weeks around Bella had once again resurfaced long-forgotten emotions. Human reactions that I'd no longer thought necessary to function. Being near her, even for just these short few weeks, had turned me into a man again, albeit an immortal one. What would I do with myself now, as a man, if it turned out she no longer wanted me?

When the phone rang in the middle of the night, just as I was changing the game in the XBOX, I almost jumped through the roof. The XBOX crashed to the floor, breaking in two neat pieces. Emmett was going to rip me to shreds.

As I reached for the phone, I could've sworn I felt my already dead heart stop. 'Bella Swan,' the Caller ID read. The fact that she was calling at this time of night didn't bode well for me.

"Bella?" I could hear the tremble in my voice, but I didn't care at that point. I just needed to hear her voice, for as long as she'd let me.

"Edward!" Bella cried. My mind immediately went into full panic alert at the fear in her voice. All my own fears and securities were immediately banished.

"Bella, what is it? What's wrong?" I yelled into the phone, gripping it so tightly that I could feel the plastic cracking under my fingers.

"Edward!" she cried again. My dead heart thumped as if it were trying to jump out of my chest. The agony of hearing so much terror in her tone was threatening to undo me.

"Edward! Please! I need your help!"

"Bella what happened? Are you okay? What is it love? What's wrong?" I yanked at my hair frantically. I needed to do something to keep myself from going mad as I waited for her to explain.

"I'm in La Push Edward! You have to come! Please, I…I need your help! Please Edward! _Please!_" she begged, her voice muffled by her sobs now.

"I'll be right there Bella," I answered quickly, not caring that she was asking me to step into my mortal enemies' territory; not caring that this went against the treaty Carlisle and Jacob Black's grandfather had signed decades ago; not caring about anything but getting to her as quickly as possible. "Tell me where to meet you!" I cried. My feet ached to start running to her.

"I'll meet you at the border, off the one-oh-one," she cried quickly. I could hear her gasping for breath, trying to control herself. "Bring Carlisle's medical bag. And hurry Edward! _Please_!"

My dead heart dropped to the floor, terror flooding through me. She needed medical attention. I closed my eyes. _Dear God_, -I prayed- _just let her be okay. I'll give her up. I'll do anything. Just let her be okay,_ I wagered with whoever was out there, hopefully listening.

"Bella, I'll be there as soon as possible!" I promised. "Wait for me!"

"Hurry Edward!" she cried once more before the line went dead and I leapt up to Carlisle's study in three long jumps and was out and running through the woods before two seconds passed on my watch. My throat was completely closed. I was unable to swallow, unable to collect enough venom in my mouth. My head felt as if it were about to explode, the agony as I replayed Bella's tortured voice banging on my brain like a jackhammer on a broken sidewalk. My legs moved fast and I forced them even faster with every step, willing myself to fly, rather than run through the darkened woods before me. The whole way there, I bartered with my life, I bartered with my soul, if I still possessed one. I bartered with everything I had left to give, asking whatever higher being controlled us to please let Bella be okay. Please let her be safe.

'_I'll give her up, I swear. I won't try to bring her into my life anymore. I swear. Please, just let her be okay. I'll leave her alone. Just let her be okay.'_ I repeated my pleas over and over, my lips moving almost as fast as my legs, until my mouth was so dry it felt as if it were on fire; a thousand times worse than the burn from any thirst. No sound escaped my lips any longer; only silent pleas.

A couple of miles away from our meeting place, I picked up her scent. I inhaled deeply as I ran, reveling in the most wonderful smell to ever be created in this universe. I let her scent guide me to the spot where my eyes would finally land on her. I prayed and bartered and made deals the whole way there.

When I finally saw her, standing still and pale and scared to death next to her little car, I felt an overwhelming rage rise in my throat. Cursing the same being I'd just been begging, my feet stopped for a split second to let my eyes fully register the scene before me. Then I was off and running again, reaching her in a fraction of a second. Bella's top, her beautiful white cotton blouse, the same blouse I'd seen her scurrying about happily in a few hours ago - in Alice's visions - was bloodied and ripped, and I felt a familiar, overwhelming terror grip me as I reached out for her.

"Bella!" I yelled, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her to me, dropping Carlisle's bag at my feet. I raised both hands to her stomach, where the large bloodied stain taunted me, reminding me that if I would've taken her a few years ago, when she'd first asked me, we wouldn't be here right now.

"Dear God Bella, what happened?!" I could hear the primal fear in my voice. This scene, or thousands of variations on it, was my worst fear realized. "What happened?" I repeated as I lifted her shirt, frantically searching for the injury that caused the cursed blood to drain from her body.

Bella swiped away at my hands forcefully. Her face was a dirty, muddy, tear-stained mess. Her clothes were completely tattered and muddy, and her eyes were wild with fear. "Edward!" she cried. "It's not mine! It's not mine Edward!"

But I couldn't focus enough on her words to comprehend. I was too consumed with finding the god-damned injury that was causing so much bright red blood to stain her clothes.

"EDWARD!" she yelled at the top of her lungs now, bringing her hands to grip my face tightly and forcing me to look at her. "IT'S NOT MINE!" she repeated vehemently. "Look at me Edward!" she commanded. "Smell it! It's not my blood!"

"It's not my blood." Her voice was a weak cry this time, and I forced myself to focus, to let go of the outrageous fear for one split second.

In that split second I did smell it; and it most definitely was not the wonderful scent associated with my Bella's blood. It smelled foul, it smelled wet, it smelled like…

"Jacob," I whispered, stunned, but overwhelmingly and shamefully relieved all at the same time.

Bella nodded her head quickly and closed her eyes, the tears streaming down her face and mixing with the dirt and salt and blood staining her beautiful skin. She opened them back up. "Jacob's hurt Edward. Really badly. Sam refuses to take him to the hospital. He needs help."

It was then that I noticed that Bella wasn't alone. Seth was standing next to her, looking at me with wide, scared eyes; a seriousness and fear touched his features; one that I'd never seen on this young boy since I'd met him. _'Oh Jesus,'_ Seth thought. _'Sam's gonna have my head for letting this happen.'_

"What happened?" I asked in a low voice, the tightness in my throat lifting, the pounding in my head easing up, although the terror still remained. As alarmed as I still felt, the relief that continued to flood through me was at the forefront. I tried to focus on what Bella was telling me about Jacob.

Bella sobbed fitfully. "He was…attacked."

"Attacked?" I hissed. "Attacked by what? By who?"

Bella took a deep breath before looking up at me again. She spoke quickly. "It doesn't matter right now." She bent down to pick up Carlisle's medical bag and grabbed my hand to pull me into the car. "We just have to get to him. I promise I'll explain everything later." She turned back to me when she realized her pulling was getting her no where. "Please Edward," she moaned, her dirty, tear-streaked face and agonized tone sending sharp spasms of pain directly into my chest. I nodded quickly, willing to agree to anything she wanted from me in that moment. We were quickly crowded into her little car, driving off in the dark towards I didn't-know where, only knowing that something horrific had happened, and that Bella, as well as the man she may have already decided to spend the rest of her life with, needed my help.

We rode in silence. Bella was in the driver's seat, with me next to her and Seth in the back. Her complete focus was on the road. Her eyes were intent as she quickly navigated us through the winding cliffs of the coastline. The sky chose that moment to open up, and the little car was suddenly pummeled with raindrops as large and loud as hailstones. It was the only sound for miles and miles. Through my periphery, I could see how tightly Bella gripped the steering wheel, her hands only leaving it momentarily to wipe away at the tears that continued to roll down her cheeks. My arms ached to reach out to her, to touch her, to try to offer her some comfort. But I had no idea what I would be comforting her for, and I didn't think right now was the time to offer her my touch. She seemed completely lost; engrossed, her one objective was obviously to get to Jacob as quickly as possible. I gripped the sides of my seat to keep my hands to myself. I wanted to throw my arms around her protectively; to try somehow to keep the horror of the world away from her, to keep her encased in my stone arms forever. But I forced myself to keep still, knowing that was impossible, for the horror had somehow already reached her.

A small, red house came into view. Seth's thoughts, which had been muddled and all over the place in the car, became more focused.

'_Please don't let them be back yet,'_ he prayed. I could hear the alarm in his tone. '_We just have to get Edward in and outta there before they come back. Oh God I'm in deep crap,' _he moaned internally, slinking down into his seat as Bella pulled into the gravel and dirt driveway in front of the little house I assumed Jacob lived in.

She was out of the car in a flash, and I picked up Carlisle's bag from the space by my legs and caught up to her in an instant; hearing Seth step out of the car more slowly and reluctantly.

I could hear voices and thoughts coming from inside the house.

'_Damn it! She went ahead and brought him!'_ A female's irritated mental voice rang out in my head, just as I saw the white blinds by the front window move slightly. _'I can't believe her!_ _How can she be so-'_ She cut herself off and spoke aloud. "Billy, come over here and take a look at this!" the angry woman cried out.

The blinds shifted some more. Someone, a man, let out a huge gust of air. '_Damn, as if things weren't bad enough.'_

"Damn," was all he said aloud, in a strong, familiar voice.

"I can't believe her!" the angry woman repeated. "And wait 'till I get my hands on Seth!" '_I'm gonna hang him by his-'_

I cringed and looked back towards Seth, who was following behind us hesitantly. His face was a mask of fear and apprehension. It probably wasn't the best time to let him know someone was planning on neutering him as soon as he crossed inside.

The door swung open just as we reached the threshold. Billy Black sat in his wheelchair before us, his eyes wary and determined. Behind him stood a younger woman, about Bella's age, with dark, native features and a huge scowl on her face.

"He's not coming in here Bella." Billy spoke in a sure voice, his eyes darting to me momentarily before returning to Bella.

"Billy _please_!" Bella begged in an urgent tone. "We just want to help him. Please let us through!"

Billy Black's face was impassive. "_You_ can come in. He looked behind me towards Seth, who stood stoically behind me. "_Seth_ can come in." His eyes moved to me again and remained there, glaring at me with open contempt. "But _you_ cannot come in here."

Bella remained quiet for about two seconds. When she spoke again, her voice shook with emotion, but the force behind it took me by surprise. "Billy, your son is lying in there, unconscious, in a pool of his own blood! His bones are _shattered_, and you all refuse to take him to a hospital to be treated,-"

"Because we can't-" the angry woman began.

"And I understand that." Bella continued, keeping her eyes on Billy. "The rest of the pack is off looking for…" She hesitated. "Billy, please. I just want to help him. Please. Let us through. Edward…Edward can help him."

We stood there for what seemed like hours, but were more like a few seconds, while Billy deliberated. His eyes nervously jumped from me, to Bella, to Seth, and back to me continually.

'_Great Elders from the past, what do I do?'_ he thought to himself. His voice was laced with pained indecision. _'My son is lying inside looking barely alive. The pack is in a shambles. Bella says Cullen has medical training, like the one he calls his father. Yet I am bound by the treaty, the treaty my own father signed, to keep him off our land! What do I do?'_

The words were out of my mouth before I'd even registered that I'd spoken aloud.

"You move aside and let me take a look at him." My voice was even. "You put the treaty aside for now, and let me take a look at your son. I can't guarantee I'll know what to do for him, but I swear to you, for Bella's sake, I'll do my best."

The older man hesitated for another split second. Abruptly, he wheeled himself out of the way, his actions forcing the angry woman, who'd been standing right behind him, to move aside to avoid getting her feet caught under one of the wheels.

'_What? No!'_ she thought in an enraged tone. Her eyes narrowed in fury and her nostrils flared.

"Billy no!" she cried. "You can't be serious! You can't let him in here! You can't let him near Jake!"

Bella walked by her quickly, not sparing the angry woman a glance as soon as she'd received Billy's approval. I walked in after her, keeping a careful eye on the angry woman, whose hands were visibly shaking now. From that, as well as from the foul, wet odor emanating off of her, I gathered she was the female of the pack. I was careful to keep my body between her and Bella, a difficult feat considering the tight quarters we were in.

It was Seth who addressed the angry woman. "Leah, sis, he's not gonna hurt Jake. He's here to help. Trust me, he's not a bad guy."

The angry woman, Leah, turned her scowl on her brother, her eyes narrowing further in disbelief at his words.

"Trust you? TRUST you? You're betraying the whole pack right now by bringing him here! You're a traitor!" She followed us through the small house, Bella leading the way as she made her way to the back, opening a door that I assumed, by the stronger odor coming from inside, led to Jacob.

"A TRAITOR!" Leah continued, spitting the word out as she walked behind Seth. From my minds eye I watched carefully as her whole body convulsed in ire. "You're no better than Paul right now!"

Seth suddenly wheeled on her. "Don't you dare compare me to Paul!" Seth yelled back in a voice so loud it made the whole little house shake with its vibrations. "Don't you ever, EVER compare me to him! I would never…I could never do what he did!" Seth was the one shaking now. I kept a careful watch on the situation even as I entered the small room behind Bella, my eyes falling on the broken, bloodied and battered body of the man who, until less than an hour ago, I'd considered my mortal enemy.

"_You_ are the traitor!" Seth continued, closing the space between himself and his sister and glaring down at her angrily, while she looked up at him defiantly. "You are the one who's betraying Jake, betraying the pack, by trying to prevent him from getting the help he needs! He's our pack brother! And as such, we are bound by something stronger than blood, stronger than a _stupid _treaty, to protect our own! And that's what I'm doing right now! I'm protecting my own; I'm protecting _my brother_!

I watched Bella kneel down at Jacob's side, taking his hand in hers while her tears began again. I also watched as Leah continued to glare at her brother, but said nothing.

"Now sit down and shut up and let Edward see what he can do for Jake!" Seth demanded. Leah stood in front of her brother for a few short moments before turning from him with an angry huff and walking towards the couch.

Bella, in the meantime softly caressed Jacob's forehead, which was sweaty with perspiration. "It's okay Jake," she cooed gently. "We're here. Edward's going to help you. It's okay," she crooned softly, completely ignoring the scene that had just played out in the front room.

I stepped closer to her, putting a hand gently on her shoulder. I watched the young man lying unconscious on the bed in front of us. His clothes were torn and bloodied, and his body lay twisted in an unnatural position; broken. Lying here, so obviously helpless, Jacob Black suddenly looked much younger than his twenty-one years. He looked like a young child, a child who'd perhaps fallen off a tree and broken some limbs, or who'd gotten into a scuffle with some neighborhood ruffians. He didn't look like the unbelievably strong, unimaginably fast, or unthinkably resilient creature I knew him to be. Rather, he looked totally and utterly vulnerable, and he certainly didn't look like someone who deserved my hatred or rancor.

"Bella, what happened?" I asked finally. "You have to tell me what happened so I can have some idea what I'm looking at here."

She drew in a deep breath before speaking, keeping her eyes on Jake as she gently stroked his forehead with her hand. "It was…Paul," she finally spoke. "Jake's pack brother Paul." Her voice quivered as she continued. "Jake and I…we were over by the beach…talking. We didn't see him or hear him. "Paul…he tried to hurt me." My hands instinctively balled to fists at Bella's words, remembering Jacob's thoughts from a few weeks back, and Paul's threat to Bella. A growl escaped my lips.

"We heard something, and Jake…Jake was trying to pull me away. Paul came at him from behind, and-" her sobs took over.

I knelt down before Bella, needing to make sure she really was okay. Even though she currently had one hand in Jacob's and the other across his forehead, I turned her face to mine gently, watching her intently.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" I asked in an anxious voice. No matter what, no matter who was lying before me bruised and broken, Bella was, and always would be, my first priority.

Bella removed her hand momentarily from Jacob's forehead, bringing it to my cheek and cupping it tightly. She gave me a sad smile, her eyes reading the apprehension in my own. "Edward, I promise you. I'm not hurt. Jake…" –her voice cracked again- "Jake didn't let him hurt me."

I watched her to make sure she wasn't hiding anything, and then stood to examine Jacob, who I was now indebted to even more than ever. He'd saved Bella not once, not twice, but three times now. In the back of my mind, as I examined Jacob's injuries, I remembered the bartering, the deals I'd made with a Higher Being as I ran to Bella just a short while ago. I'd promised to let her go, to stop fighting for her if only she were safe. I flinched internally, feeling as if that Higher Being were now ensuring that I kept my part of the bargain. Bella was safe. Yet the unrelenting ache I felt at the thought of giving Bella up made me wonder if instead of bartering with someone above, I'd just made a deal with the devil.

As I continued to examine Jacob's wounds, counting the shattered and splintered bones, I was struck by the realization that one of his own had done this to him. For a brief instant, I pictured Emmett or Jasper ever trying to inflict this amount of damage on me. It was unimaginable. I couldn't imagine them trying to hurt me this way, just as I couldn't imagine myself ever trying to hurt either one of them.

"I can't believe his own pack brother did this to him," I muttered, more to myself than anyone.

"Sometimes it is those we least expect it from that hurt us the most," a quiet voice spoke from the corner of the room. It was Billy, watching me with an arched brow from a forgotten corner. In my preoccupation with Bella, and then with Jacob, I'd completely neglected to notice Billy there. His mind had been quiet also. Yet now I realized there was too much anxiety and confusion in there for his son for him to be able to think beyond. All that had been in his mind was a quiet desperation.

"And sometimes," he continued, in a contemplative tone. "it is those we least expect it from that teach us what it is to have compassion." I nodded and turned back to his son.

The damage to Jacob Black, unbelievably, did not seem to be as severe as one would have thought. Well, at least not for a werewolf who was supposed to be able to heal quickly from most injuries. Most of the bones in his body had been broken or shattered, which should not have been too much of a problem, as they would quickly heal. Yet, that was exactly the problem. Jacob was not healing.

"His bones aren't setting properly," I tried to explain to both Bella and Billy. "The pain, from the many breaks is extensive, and that is what's keeping him unconscious." Bella gasped, and Billy's dark face paled considerably. "He isn't healing quickly because his bones aren't setting properly."

"What can we do?" Bella asked, her voice full of anguish. Both she and Billy regarded me anxiously.

I pursed my lips and took in a deep breath, knowing neither was going to like my answer. "The only way to make sure his bones reset properly, thereby helping his body heal at its proper pace – I paused – "is to re-break them."

Bella's eyes grew wide and silent tears streamed down her face. She looked down, unable to meet anyone's eyes. I knew she was somehow blaming herself for this. I didn't want to think of the possible implications of that.

Billy's voice pulled me away from where my mind was starting to wander. "Cullen, can you help him?" _'I don't care what you are, just help my boy if you know how.'_ His voice was low, concern for his son trumping any remaining apprehension at having me work on him.

It was at that moment - when I was about to respond to this broken father that, as I'd said before, I would do anything for his son, for Bella's sake - that loud, deep, feral howls broke the silence in the air outside. I heard the howls at the same moment that their thoughts reached me.

'_Vampire!'_

'_On our land!'_

'_Follow the scent! Quickly!'_

Bella's eyes flew to mine, the fear in them darkening her irises to almost black. She'd heard the howls.

From the front room, other thoughts assaulted me.

'_Holy crap, we're screwed!'_

'_Yessss! Let's see what the wanna-be vampire doc does now!'_

"The pack's back." Billy's voice was void of any emotion, but his worried eyes betrayed his calm exterior.

Outside, fast, angry paws raced down the forest, quickly closing in on the small house, until their thoughts and scents were just feet away.

'_He's inside Jake's house!'_

'_Quick, move in!'_ The last voice had a strange, double-timber to it that I'd never heard before. It was obviously the voice in command.

I crouched in front of Bella quickly, ready to protect her.

"Edward no! They'll hurt you! Please, no!" she screamed, before the door to the front of the house flew open, and in marched a pack of the largest, fiercest dogs ever to be seen by man. I growled and steadied my stance, preparing to lunge if anyone so much as looked at Bella suspiciously.

"Sam, Quil, Embry, guys! Stop!" Seth stood and blocked the wolves' further entry into the house. "It's not what you think!" His hands and body quivered, and in his mind I saw he was ready to phase in an instant if that's what it took to stop his brothers' advance. "It's Edward Cullen! Bella and me, we asked him to come so he could help Jake. He has medical training, like his father."

The largest and darkest of the pack, the leader I assumed, quickly phased, and stood before Seth now, in his human form. _'A Cullen? Here? Damn it! No!_'

"Seth!" the leader growled. "You and Bella deliberately disobeyed me! I ordered you not to get the Cullens involved!"

"Hold on a minute there Sam," Seth interrupted, putting his hands out, palms up. "You didn't order, you only asked." His voice cracked, as if he knew his excuse was a bit of stretch.

I assumed there was some sort of difference between asking and actually ordering?

Sam's eyes narrowed as he glared at Seth.

"We just wanted to help," Seth offered, in a more subdued tone. "We couldn't just sit here and do nothing when Jake was…like that. We just wanted to help him."

Sam continued to glare at Seth without saying a word. _'He has no idea what he's done. No idea of who or what he's let in.'_

"I tried to warn them Sam," Leah finally cut in. She sat on the sofa, her legs crossed easily, the top one swinging back and forth. A smug grin graced her scowling face. "But none of them would listen." Sam turned to look at her. _'At least she's still got some sort of sense left,'_ he thought to himself.

Taking in a deep breath, Sam began to walk towards the bedroom. Seth stood directly in front of him again.

Sam's eyes went back to Seth. "Seth get out of my way."

I furrowed my brows. Sam's tone held that same double-timber sound it had held earlier.

"Now I _am_ commanding."

Seth, bridled, but moved out of the way slowly, almost as is he were fighting against the motion with every fiber of his being. "I'll deal with you later," Sam called out as he passed Seth.

As Sam approached the door to the room we were in, I quickly put my arms out to cover Bella, cursing myself for not having foreseen something like this, and not having gotten her out of here before I began examining Jacob. Although part of me knew, she would have never left.

The door opened and before me stood Sam, the leader of the Quileute wolves. His eyes quickly found me, and he glared at me with open hostility and disgust.

'_How dare he cross our borders!'_

"What are you doing here vampire? You know the treaty forbids this!" His tone was incredulous.

"I came to try to help," I answered, still crouched in front of Bella with my arms out protectively. "I don't mean you or anyone else on your lands any harm."

"Sam please. He's helping Jake!" Bella pleaded from behind me. "You know he doesn't hunt humans Sam! You know that!"

"All I know Bella," Sam spoke in a low, calm tone, keeping his eyes on me, "is that I specifically asked you, when you approached me about involving the Cullens in this, to keep them out of it." His face was cold and impassive. "You waited until me and the rest of the pack were far away, chasing after Paul, to deliberately go behind my back and bring one of our sworn enemies into our lands. You no longer have any rights here Bella. You gave up your rights when-"

Bella cut him off; her voice laced with anger and exasperation. "I love Jake!" she cried. I stiffened involuntarily before recovering myself and fixing my protective stance again. No matter what, no one would ever hurt Bella; not while I, figuratively, lived and breathed. No matter if her words had sent a thousand ton brick straight through my heart at light speed.

"No matter what, I love Jake, and that gives me the right Sam! While you and the rest of the pack were off looking to kill, Seth and I were here trying to save Jake! Because we love him, just as much as you and the rest of the pack do!" She was crying again, but her voice was strong and firm. "So don't you dare stand there and tell me I don't have a right!"

Through the whole exchange, Sam had kept his eyes on me, never wavering. Now he smirked at me. _'So this is what she goes to.' _He snorted to himself. '_As if these leaches know how to love, how to do anything but take lives!'_

I frowned at his confusing thought, not sure what he was referring to.

"So did you?" he asked aloud in an even tone. _'Did you figure out what's wrong with him? How to help him?'_

"I think I know how to help him. Yes," I answered his unspoken question.

Sam's dark eyes widened, momentarily stunned by my response to his thought. Understanding, or rather recall crossed his features, and he smiled involuntarily. _'That's right, he can read minds. I'd forgotten. Well we'll just have to watch what we think about, won't we'_

I nodded my head, confirming his thought.

He smirked. "And?" he merely asked.

"His bones aren't setting properly. We need to re-break them and reset them, so that he can begin to heal as he should."

Sam watched me for a few seconds, his expression blank. His mind, now that he remembered my gift, also went blank. Finally, he snorted. "You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to let you re-break his bones."

"It's the only way." I spoke in a calm, sure tone.

"Sam please!" Bella pleaded from behind me. "If you really care about Jake-"

Sam's stoic expression suddenly shifted, and he turned his eyes, looking past me towards Bella, even though I was still completely blocking her from his view. "Don't you tell me what I should or shouldn't do if I really care about Jake!" he hissed. "You are the last person to stand there and lecture to me about not caring enough about Jake!" His hands fisted at his sides and his arms began to quiver. I tightened my stance, barely hearing his words and focusing more on his apprehensive motions.

"Sam, look away from Bella," I commanded. "Turn your eyes away from her, and focus on your brother laying here. Turn. Away." I could hear the threat in my tone.

Sam's jaw tightened. His muscles relaxed though, and he moved his eyes back to me. _'Jake is like my brother,'_ he thought. _'Can you blame me for being upset?'_ I crooked my head at him, not sure what he meant. Did he mean because of what had happened to Jake tonight? Or was he upset that Bella had asked me to come here? Or was it something else entirely he was referring to?

"You will _not_ re-break his bones." Sam spoke in the double-timber again. I quirked my head again, wondering if that was supposed to somehow stop me.

"Enough!" Billy's loud voice stunned us all, and we turned to look at him, where he'd sat, quiet and forgotten once again. He'd apparently had enough now.

"Sam, you know all you boys are like my sons, and I care deeply for each and every one of you."

Sam watched him through suspicious eyes.

"But this boy laying here _is_ my son, and I love him more than anything. He and his sisters are all I have left. And if letting this_…'bloodsucker'_…man" – he paused to compose himself – "re-break Jake's bones is the only way for him to heal properly, then that's what's going to happen."

"Billy I can't let you-" Sam began, but Billy cut him off.

"You are not _my_ pack leader Sam." Billy's voice was gentle yet decisive. "You are not _my_ Alpha. Don't forget whose blood runs through _my_ veins." Now Billy spoke in a commanding voice, and even though it didn't hold the double-timber Sam's just had, it held all the authority of centuries-old blood-lines.

Billy turned to look at me now, his face betraying no doubt. "Ed…ward, please do all you can for my boy. Bella and I, as well as Seth out there, will help you out as much as we can." I nodded my head, but refused to move from in front of Bella until Sam had left the room. Billy noted my reservations, and turned to Sam now.

"Sam, you are welcome to wait out in the living room, as well as the rest of the pack, but you will stay out of this room until further notice." Sam continued to glare at me, but made no move to leave. _'This is un-freakin'-believable' _he thought.

"Are we clear Sam?" Billy asked in the same authoritative voice as before.

Sam took a deep breath before answering. "Yes Billy. We're clear." _'I'll be right next door bloodsucker. Don't even think of doing anything stupid. Are __**we**__ clear?'_ I snorted but otherwise ignored his thought.

Sam left the room, slamming the door angrily behind him. I quickly set to work. It wasn't easy, or pleasant. The medical training I'd had, the journals I'd read, the images I'd picked up over the years from my father's mind prepared me, but the reality of breaking someone's bones and then setting them properly was unnerving. And although Jacob remained mostly unconscious throughout the ordeal, his occasional groan indicated that he wasn't as fully unaware of the pain as we – especially Bella – would've liked to have thought. Thankfully, Jacob's nature was one thing on our side, and once I began resetting his bones properly, the initial fusion occurred extremely quickly, more quickly than would have ever occurred on a normal human. It was then just a matter of time, and hopefully not too much of it, before the rest of the bone would heal.

When we were done, I stood back to look at Jacob. Through the dry blood and dirt, a notable difference was already visible. His face seemed more relaxed, although he remained unconscious. He was no longer perspiring profusely, and the unnatural bends and twists his body had been contorted in were no longer there. Except for the torn and bloodied clothing, he looked like a boy who was perhaps merely asleep, dreaming of long, midnight walks down the beach with his beautiful, brown-eyed girlfriend at his side. His future looked sure and bright in front of him.

I turned to look at Bella.

She watched Jake reverently, her eyes still dark and haunted. She'd taken one of his hands between her own, and leaned in to him closely to whisper near his face.

"You're going to be okay now Jake. Edward took care of you. You're going to be just fine," she assured him, although she sounded like she was trying to reassure herself more than him.

"Why is he still unconscious?" she asked, never taking her eyes off of him.

"I'm not really sure," I answered honestly. "Perhaps the whole ordeal took a lot of his strength, and he needs to recuperate some of it before he wakes up." Bella nodded, a rogue tear falling down her cheek as she continued to watch him hopefully.

Billy, who had remained quietly in his chair in the corner throughout the entire ordeal, now cleared his throat. I turned to look at him, and he lifted his eyes to me hesitantly.

'_Never thought I'd be saying this…'_

"Cullen, I just want to say," he hesitated and swallowed loudly, "thank you, from both Bella and me, and I'm sure Jake if he could." _'I hope,'_ he thought. "For everything. I know our…families have had their differences, but I…I…" He struggled to find the right words to say. _'How do I tell him how much I owe him?'_

"Billy, I understand. You don't have to say anything more." Billy nodded at me once, grateful I hadn't made him rack his brains for the right words.

He cleared his throat again. "I'm gonna go see if Sam and the boys want to come in and see Jake now. Maybe their loud voices'll help wake him up." I nodded.

As Billy wheeled himself to the door, Bella dropped one of her hands from Jake and without turning to look at me, reached out to grab one of mine, taking it into her small hand tightly, and giving me a squeeze. It was all the thanks I'd ever need from her. I put my other hand on her shoulder, needing to feel the closer contact, needing to feel her, as I feared that soon I wouldn't be able to feel her again. We both remained there, her kneeling in front of Jake, and me standing behind her, watching him as he remained oblivious to the world around him.

And despite myself, I couldn't help but envy him. Once he woke, he'd have an angel watching out for him, while all I would ever have were my demons to remind me of what I once could've had.

Sam and a couple of the other wolves walked in, all of them in their human forms now, shirtless and sporting pants that fit some of them awkwardly. I realized they'd put on clothes lying around Jake's house.

Dark, angry faces jumped from Jake to me. I kept myself in front of Bella, in case any of wolves lost control, although I'd heard Sam speak to them in the double-timber voice before they walked in; commanding them to remain calm.

Still, I trusted them about as much as they trusted me.

We all remained in the room for what felt like an endless amount of time. I remained anxious, not entirely comfortable with having Bella so close to them when they were obviously feeling worked up about the situation with Jacob, with me, with the problem with their traitorous brother Paul.

Paul. I hadn't really had to much time to focus on that tonight. But the wolf, the dog, hadn't been found. I'd gathered that much from listening to the conversations in the front room while I worked on Jacob. Paul would die though. That much was sure. I'd let it go the first time, when I'd seen Jacob's memories of what he'd said to Bella, believing, trusting that Jacob would be able to handle it. That had obviously been a mistake. But after tonight, after he'd actually tried to hurt her, after I'd seen what he was capable of doing to his own _brother._ I shuddered at the thought of how badly it could have ended; my Bella's blood being spilled instead of Jacob's. I shuddered again, and Bella's hand gripped me tighter, perhaps noting my tension.

Paul would never be allowed to get that close to Bella again. Never.

Paul would die. Soon.

Abruptly, Billy cleared his throat again. I caught the tail-end of his thought. _'…Charlie's gonna have my head.'_

"Bella honey, maybe you should head home." His voice held a gentle, fatherly concern.

Bella shook her head. "I'm not leaving him now Billy. What if he wakes up-"

Billy cut her off. "Bella honey, I really don't think Jake's gonna be waking up for a while. He looks better, but he still looks like he can sleep for ages. Besides, Charlie-"

At the mention of her father's name, Bella gasped loudly, removing her hand from Jake's and bringing it to cover her mouth. "Oh my God, Charlie! I completely forgot about him! He's probably put out an APB on me already!"

Billy chuckled. "Don't worry about it Bella. He called while you and Seth were gone earlier, and I told him Jake had gotten hurt today, and you were going to stay with me to help look after him. I didn't expand on how he'd gotten hurt, so you're gonna have to come up with that one on your own."

Bella sighed in relief. "Thanks Billy." She turned back to Jake and her voice was decisive. "Then there's no reason for me to leave. Charlie knows I'm okay."

Billy glanced up at me momentarily before turning back to Bella. _'She's so stubborn.'_ "Bella, you've had an exhausting and terrifying night. You need to get some rest yourself."

Bella looked back up at Billy. "But Billy, I can't leave him now." Her voice sounded smaller now, less sure.

Billy's eyes traveled back up to me quickly before returning his gaze back to Bella, watching her intently as he spoke. His voice took on the definitive tone it had held earlier. "Yes Bella," he answered her. "You can."

I furrowed my brows, thinking I detected something else in his tone, but unable to decipher it.

Bella lowered her head, closing her eyes tightly as she once again gripped Jake's hand between both of hers. She remained like that for a few seconds before opening her eyes again. Slowly, she leaned in towards Jacob's face and lowered her lips to his dark cheek gently. She drew in a deep breath. "You're right Billy," she murmured, keeping her eyes on Jacob's face. "You're right." She took another deep breath and rose, turning to face me now.

When her eyes met mine, I thought I saw a glimmer of certainty cross her features, as if she'd made some sort of peace with herself.

"Take me home," she whispered, and I nodded my head, unable to speak. I'd done what I could here for Jacob, the rest was up to his body. I'd made a deal with someone, I wasn't sure exactly who or what yet, to keep Bella safe in exchange for my surrender. I'd take Bella home now, back to her human life. And tomorrow she'd return here, most assuredly, and I would…what? What would I do with myself once the sun rose and this night ended?

I followed her out of the room, out of the small house, staying close to her even though the wolves minds were now on the healing of their one brother, and the murder of another. Even so, I had to take advantage of every moment I still had with her tonight, every chance to walk beside her, to touch her, to feel her still part of my life, my existence. I resisted the urge to carry her out; the exhaustion she felt was evident in the way her feet dragged across the floor, her shoulders hunched as if with the weight of the world, her eyes sagged as if being physically weighed down. But I knew she wouldn't allow me to carry her. Not now. Perhaps never again.

When we reached her car I asked for the keys - she was in no condition to drive tonight – and she obliged without a word. I opened the passenger door for her and had to almost carry her in at that point, her arms and legs barely functioning any more.

I climbed into the driver's side, starting the car and turning us away from the small red house, the deceivingly quiet beach town, towards the dark highway. The faint hint of a new day was only just beginning to stretch across the sky. The rain continued as always, but the loud, pounding noise the drops had made on the windshield on our way over had now converted to a quiet, lulling, steady noise. I turned to look at Bella; her body had given up, and she'd fallen asleep before we'd even reached the border between Forks and La Push.

I took advantage of her unconscious state now to study her, barely keeping an eye on the road in front of me. Even with the exhaustion of the world on her face and shoulders, even with her face caked with dirt and stained with tears, even with her clothes ripped and bloodied, she looked like an angel from heaven. My heart constricted and my throat tightened from the sight of her; from the thought that I may never get a chance to see her like this again. That this would be the last time that I would ever get a chance to be alone with my Bella. The urge to scream was almost overwhelming, and I had to bite hard on my lip to keep from opening up my mouth and yelling at the top of my lungs. I gripped the steering wheel so hard as I tried to control the overwhelming urge to grab her and run away that indentations began forming. My foot itched to slam down on the break and stop this car. To stop time itself if possible, and remain in here with her forever, even if all I could do was watch her sleep. But I drove on; slowly and steadily, but I drove. Knowing that all that mattered ultimately was her happiness, and cursing myself because I had once been given the opportunity, the _gift_, of being part of that happiness. Now all I could do was sit here and drive her home. Drive her back to her human life, to a life that would never include me.

Even at the slow speed I drove, we reached the front of her house quicker than I would've wanted. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. But deep inside, I knew that there would never be a right time for this. I would never be ready. There would never come a time when I could say good-bye to Bella without so much regret, without so much pain, without an overwhelming desire to grab on to her tightly and never let her go.

Quietly, so as not to wake her, I stepped out of the car and made my way slowly to Bella's side. I opened her door gently and took one more moment to stare at her quiet, peaceful form. She looked so calm and serene in her sleep, as if she were dreaming something that brought her the serenity that today's events had tried to take away from her.

Forcing myself to remain composed, I bent down and carefully, gently took her into my arms, ready to lift her and carry her home. As I contemplated whether I should go in through the front, or whether I should just take her directly to her room, through the window to my sanctuary, Bella stirred in my arms. Sluggishly, she opened her eyes, and when she saw me, a small, tender smile formed on her beautiful red lips. She looked around, her neck moving little by little. Blinking twice, she rubbed her eyes and a confused frown fell upon her face.

"Edward where…where are we?" Her voice was gruff with exhaustion.

I furrowed my brows and pursed my lips. She was so worn out that she didn't even recognize the front of her own house.

"Bella love, we're in front of your house," I whispered soothingly. "You asked me to bring you home, remember?"

I swallowed audibly, the ache in my heart growing at the knowledge that in a few moments, I'd have to give up the warmth of her body. My arms would no longer be cradling her so close to me. "We're home love," I whispered quietly, not wanting to wake Charlie during these last, precious few moments with my Bella.

Bella watched me for a few seconds, the confusion in her face growing, until her lips began to twitch, and a quiet sob escaped from her mouth. She brought her arms up around my neck, wanting, I assumed, to be carried inside quickly. But as the sobs continued, she began to whisper something over an over, and I leaned in closer to be able to hear through her tears.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over.

The ache in my chest widened at the sight of Bella crying and apologizing for I had no idea what. She had nothing to apologize to me for. All that had happened had been because of me, because of my stupidity and insecurities and belief that I knew better than her. If these were my last moments alone with Bella, the last thing I wanted to see her doing was crying; the last things I wanted to hear from her sweet mouth were apologies.

I brought a hand up to her face, softly wiping away her tears, wishing I could kiss them away instead. "Please Bella. Don't cry. Don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for," I begged. But her tears continued to flow, and abruptly, she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Her eyes found mine once again.

And in her eyes was the same peace and determination that I'd thought I caught a glimpse of back in Jacob's house, after Billy urged her to go home. Again, it was as if she'd made some sort of decision, and having made that decision, she looked younger, and happier, and more self-assured than she had since I'd first laid eyes on her upon my return to Forks.

She smiled at me through her tears, and pulled her arms from around my neck to place one hand on either side of my face, gazing intently and solidly into my confused eyes.

"Edward," she breathed, "when I asked you to take me home, I didn't mean here."

I cocked my head to the side, still not understanding.

She took another deep breath and her smile widened. Her brown eyes sparkled as she moved her head closer to mine. Our foreheads were now touching. "When I asked you to take me home, I meant home…with _you_."

**Okay, now on the count of three, let's all take a collective sigh of relief…one…two…three! SIGH!!!!**

**Yipee! She decided!**

**All is not resolved though. We've still got poor Jake unconscious, Paul on the loose, Gabby losing her mind, and Edward still doesn't know what happened between Bella and Jake (and Paul).**

**We're almost done guys! **

**Make sure you put me on Author Alert if you haven't yet, I'll be posting the first chapter of the new story really, really soon!**

**And please, please, please let me know what you thought of this! Reviews are the highlight of my day! All it takes is once quick click on the green button below! Go ahead, make my day!**


	27. Chapter 28 Where the Heart Is

**A/N: Hey everyone. I know, its been a long time again. Sorry. But I've got another looong chapter for you guys, so I hope you like them long. Lots of stuff happening. We'll talk more about it at the end.**

**A couple of big things:**

**First, I'd like to thank my lovely Betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724, for helping me with this monster. And:**

**Danna0724 is collaborating on her own story now! Very angsty, for those of you who like that, and if you're reading this then yes, you do like angst. The story is called **_**"A Tortured Soul."**_** You can find it on my favorites list or search it by name or by author: Danna0724. Go show her some love! She deserves it!**

**Second: I'll be posting the first chapter to my new story tomorrow! It's called **_**"This Is Who I Am,"**_** and it's an All-Human, Edward & Bella story. Very different from this story, a little more grown up, so those of you under 18, please get your parent's permission to read. If you've put me on Author and/or Story Alert, you should get a message as soon as it goes out. If you haven't, make sure you do so now! And let me know what you all think of it after you've read it!**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, except for my little Gabby (who my sister likes teasing me about, for some reason).**

Two songs for this chapter. Seriously, if you can, you should listen to these songs while reading this chappy. The first song for the first half of the chapter, and the second song for the second half. You'll see why:

_Unbreak my heart, say you'll love me again._

_Undo the hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life._

_Uncry these tears, I cried so many nights._

_Unbreak my heart. – __**Unbreak My Heart, Toni Braxton**__._

_Oh, my love. My darling. I've hungered for your touch._

_A long, lonely time._

_And time goes by so slowly. And time can do so much._

_Are you still mine? – __**Unchained Melody, The Righteous Brothers**__._

**Chapter 28 – Where the Heart Is**

**Bella's POV**

_Long, bronze hair waved wildly in the night breeze; the speed at which its owner traveled making it shimmer like the tail end of the Aurora Borealis. Glittering hues of red, brown and orange sparkled in the clear moonlight._

_The unsuspecting herd of elk never stood a chance; the agility and grace with which they'd been hunted took them by complete surprise. As they lifted their long, antlered heads and realized their predator was already upon them, they tried to scatter to escape, but the bronze-haired hunter was too quick for them. Three elk were drained before the herd had scampered twenty feet from the meadow they'd been grazing in._

_I watched the scene with rapt amazement. The smooth, skilled movements of the hunter; the quick efficiency with which the animals were drained still amazed me. There was such a pure beauty, such an inherent naturalness to it._

_The hunter's thirst began to wane, and suddenly, content, playful eyes met with my own. The hunter only fed as needed, never more. I was, as always, taken aback by the beautiful face with big, inquisitive eyes looking back at me. My own smile was met with a happy, familiarly crooked grin, making my silent heart jump with both pride and joy. _

_In that instant, I felt the immense swell of love I had for the hunter, even knowing that I wasn't actually in that meadow. But the love I felt for the bronze-haired angel before me was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before._

I woke up gasping. I sat up straight while my eyes and mind adjusted to the fact that I'd been dreaming. Although on some level, I'd already known that. Unlike my usual dreams though, this one hadn't left me struggling to breathe, feeling as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. This dream, as well as the others this week, starred the same person and left me filled with unexpected warmth. This dream…as well as the variations on it this week, was so different from all the others I'd ever had. So right…yet so…_unbelievable_…

The slight unfamiliarity of my surroundings brought me to the realization that I hadn't awakened in my own small room. Rubbing the sleep out of my sticky eyes, I looked around.

The neat, yet sparsely furnished room was much as I'd remembered it; although it appeared less lived in than it had a few years back. A large chest of drawers stood off to the side, its shiny wood drawers were void of any fingerprints, as if it hadn't been touched by human hands in weeks. Although perhaps that was the operative word: _human_ hands.

I turned my head to the other side of the room. Was that the same stereo system? I couldn't be sure. The music collection appeared to have grown, although it was hard to tell for sure since most of it still sat in neatly stacked boxes over in one corner of the room.

The built-in shelves were the only items that gave this room an aura of actually having been occupied for the past few weeks. Rows and rows of books lined the shelves. You could see where books had been removed and haphazardly returned to their place on the shelves. The bottom shelf had been reserved for the Shakespeare Collection Carlisle had handed down to Edward; a space just large enough for one of the books split the collection in two. The missing book currently sat on my nightstand table at home, open to the inscription I'd been reading over and over for the past few nights now.

I looked down at the spot where I'd awoken. The smooth, cool black leather sofa on which I'd slept had been carefully covered with a thick, white goose down comforter to make it more comfortable. Above that, warm blankets lay at my feet and over my legs. Instinctively, I wrapped them tighter around me, trying to bring back the intense warmth I vividly recalled having felt overnight. Yet somehow, no matter how tightly I wrapped the thick blankets around, I couldn't get that same warmth back. Something, or rather _someone, _was noticeably absent from the room now.

I shifted my legs together to the edge of the sofa, feeling the aches from where I'd hit the ground hard last night. Involuntarily, my eyes went to my arms, sure I'd find nasty scrapes and bruises, but I was momentarily stunned by other discoveries. Below the unfamiliar yet heavenly scented thermal shirt I was now wearing, my scrapes had been carefully cleaned and bandaged, and as I lifted the blankets covering my legs, I noticed that they too had been taken care of. I ran my hand over the quilted gauze encircling my left thigh, unable to remember how it had gotten there.

I sat on the edge of the makeshift bed for a few more minutes, trying to clear the haze from my mind and remember the events of the night before. The memories of my talk with Jake, as well as being attacked by Paul, came back clearly. I cringed, recalling every moment with unwanted clarity.

No, that wasn't what I wanted to remember right now. I'd have to deal with all that soon enough. Right now, I needed to remember something else.

Flashes of short, unclear moments in time abruptly bombarded me.

…_Edward holding me in his arms in front of my house; getting ready to carry me out of my car._

…_Edward and me, our foreheads resting against one another's as I tell him where I want to go; the look of shocked amazement in his eyes._

…_Edward and me in the car, my hand in his as we drive in silence towards his house. I'd been drifting off to sleep again, but every time I'd forced my eyes open, his eyes were on me, staring at me as if he were afraid that if he looked away, I'd disappear. _

…_Edward carrying me into the Cullen house; his strong arms holding me tightly to his chest while I clung to him, exhausted._

Then…the haze threatened to take over again. I forced myself to stay clear, to think and remember.

…_I'm shaking. My body is shaking violently. The shock of the ordeal is finally hitting me, and I feel as if I might throw up. Edward's concerned eyes never leave mine as he gently removes my tattered, muddy clothes in the bathroom. The steam from the hot bath he's running fogs up the vanity mirror. I can vaguely hear his velvet voice as he speaks soothingly to me. 'You're going to be fine. …a nice hot bath and then you'll be fine.'_

…_The feel of his cool hands on my arms as he slips a warm shirt over me and lays me gently in the center of the comforter-covered sofa, bringing the blankets up to my chin and cocooning them around me. _

…_My voice. I hear my voice now as if from some far away dream. 'Stay with me,' I plead. 'Please stay with me Edward.'_

…_Edward slowly lowering himself beside me, keeping himself over the covers. He brings his arm to encircle me from behind, and the last thing I feel is his face in my hair as he inhales and exhales deeply. And even though he is undeniably hard and cold, somehow it's his arm around my waist and his forced breath in my hair that send the incomprehensible warmth throughout my body. I drift off to the most peaceful night of sleep I've had in years._

I breathed in a deep sigh as the corners of my mouth turned up involuntarily. Well, that explained the long, thermal shirt I was in, as well as why I'd slept in so soundly, especially considering all of yesterday's events.

I stood up slowly, taking quiet, measured steps towards the door; listening. The only sound was that of my heart in my chest; the pulse in my veins keeping up smooth rhythm to match it. I opened the door quietly. Still nothing. The rest of the Cullens were away this weekend -Alice had told me they'd be gone until Monday morning- so I knew not to expect them. But where was _he_? Where had _he_ gone?

As I reached the bottom step of the staircase, a low muffled voice came from the kitchen. Slowly, even though I was sure he must've heard me approaching, I walked towards his voice.

Edward's voice was low and even. "I assure you Charlie, that's not the case." He paused.

"That's not up to me sir, but I promise you, either way, her happiness and well-being come first." Another pause. As I neared him, I could make out another voice speaking loudly over the phone.

"Yes sir. I agree." He paused to listen again. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and was met with a pair of golden eyes looking directly at me. His serious expression softened and half of his mouth turned up slightly.

"As soon as Bella wakes up, I'll have her call you. Yes sir. Goodbye." He closed the phone while keeping his eyes on me. His features appeared calm and collected, but I could read some nervousness, some uncertainty deep in his eyes. I wondered what he saw in mine.

"You're up," he stated.

I smiled at the obviousness in his statement. I'm sure he'd known I was awake as soon as my eyes fluttered open.

"Was that Charlie on the phone?"

His smile faltered. "Yes. He called your cell phone a couple of times. He's been worried about you." His smile turned apologetic. "I'm sorry I answered your phone. I should've handed it to you, but I didn't want to wake you. Besides, I thought you'd appreciate a warning before you spoke with him. I assured him you were safe, but I'm afraid he's on a war path."

I knew my dad would be waiting for an explanation of how I'd ended up in Edward's house, but I wasn't ready to give one yet. There were other matters I had to take care of first. "I'll call Charlie back in a little while."

Edward simply nodded.

I cleared my throat. "I was wondering where you were." I asked, trying not to sound too whiny. What I really wanted to say was, _'I hated that you weren't next to me when I woke,'_ but I felt as nervous and unsure as he looked. Abruptly, I realized I was standing in front of him with nothing other than his shirt, which although long enough on me to keep me covered, still brought a pool of red to my cheeks. I was sure he'd noticed it, but he kept his eyes on mine.

"You've been sleeping for a while, so I figured you'd be hungry when you woke. I came down to get you something to eat." He smiled at me knowingly. "Unfortunately, the only food we have in the house is the fresh fruit Esme likes to keep as a centerpiece on the table."

It was then that I noticed the tray of food in Edward's other hand, the one that hadn't been holding the phone. On the tray was a white porcelain bowl overflowing with freshly cut fruit; apples, oranges, bananas, grapes all chopped up neatly and uniformly and tossed lightly. Next to the bowl was a glass of what looked like freshly squeezed orange juice. And on the other side of the bowl was a small vase, with a pretty selection of blue and purple wildflowers tucked into it.

"Did you make all this yourself?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry it's nothing fancier. I would've gone into town to get you something else, but I was afraid…" He didn't finish his sentence.

I tried to ignore the uncertainty in his voice. "What are you apologizing for?" I asked, my smile widening as I reached over to pick a grape off the bowl. "This is perfect!" I said as I popped it into my mouth.

"No!" Edward playfully admonished as he moved the tray out of my reach. "Let's get you back upstairs and you can have the rest of it then."

I smirked at him jokingly and led the way back up to his room.

I settled back onto the sofa as Edward slid the tray over my lap. Hungrily, I picked up the fork and started piling fresh fruit into my mouth. Edward stood next to me, watching me with a tight smile and wary eyes.

I patted the space next to my legs. "Sit with me," I asked.

Edward sat slowly. I could feel the hesitancy rolling off of him in waves. I sighed, sticking another forkful of fruit in my mouth. Obviously, I hadn't been clear enough with him.

When I was done with most of my fruit, I put my fork down. I picked up one of the lavender wildflowers Edward put in the vase and brought it to my nose. Inhaling deeply and keeping my eyes on the flowers, I spoke carefully. "Edward, I…I want to thank you for so much. For everything. For coming to La Push yesterday, for taking care of Jake, for taking care of _me_ last night and this morning. I-"

Reaching for my hand, the one holding the wildflower, Edward cut me off. "Bella you never have to thank me for taking care of you. It's what I exist for."

I looked up into his eyes. He was watching me intently.

"And as for Jacob, well, I admit initially the only reason I helped was for you. Because I know how much he means to you." He searched my eyes. "But when I saw his bent and broken body, and then found out that his own pack brother did that to him" – he looked away, disgusted – "I couldn't not do my best for him. It was the only humane thing to do." He brought his eyes back up to mine. "I may not be human Bella, but I'm not enough of a monster to leave a man broken like that."

I raised my free hand to his face, cupping his cheek lightly. "You are the most wonderfully human person I've ever met."

He snorted lightly.

"I mean that as a compliment," I assured him.

We were both silent. I dropped my hand from his cheek, but Edward held on tightly to my other hand.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Seth also called you this morning."

"How's Jake?" I asked immediately, praying for good news.

Edward watched me through tight eyes. "Seth says he's looking better. The color's returned to his face. He's breathing evenly." He paused. "He still hasn't woken though."

I felt my heart constrict and held in a sob. "Why hasn't he woken yet? He should've woken up by now, right?" I asked impatiently.

A shadow of some sort passed over Edward's face. "He should be very close to healed by now," Edward confirmed. "Perhaps his mind just needs to rest. I don't know exactly what happened last night." He raised one eyebrow at me. "But the events had to have been traumatic." I swallowed hard, knowing I was going to have to recount the events to him soon. After the way I'd reacted when we'd arrived here last night, Edward must have been going crazy with worry, wondering what exactly had happened to Jake and me last night.

In the back of my mind, I remembered today was Sunday. I was grateful for that, at least. Eclipse, as well as most of the stores in Forks, were closed for the day. At least I didn't have to worry about that too.

"I have to go see him," I whispered, squeezing Edward's hand tightly.

Edward nodded, his eyes searching again. "Of course," he agreed. "As soon as you're ready, I'll take you over. I spoke to Billy and he's agreed to let me check on Jacob. At least until Carlisle gets back tomorrow. Then he can take over."

I nodded eagerly, anxious to be on my way.

"I'll get ready quickly." Edward began to get up to allow me to get ready, but I held on to his hand tightly. "But Edward," I continued, "there's something I'd like to do before we go to La Push. Someplace I need to go."

Edward looked at me questioningly, but didn't say anything. Instead he nodded. We stared at each other again, neither one knowing exactly what to say to the other just yet, still feeling awkward. There was still so much left unsaid between us.

Edward finally broke the silence. Tearing his gaze from me, he turned his eyes to the foot of the sofa. "I left some clothes for you this morning. I got them from Rosalie's room." I followed his eyes to a velour jogging set I hadn't noticed before, draped neatly by the edge of the bed.

My face flushed. It hadn't really been necessary for me to parade myself in front of him in only his shirt a little while ago.

"Thank you," I murmured, feeling the heat in my face.

Edward turned to look at me again, fixing his eyes on me intently. Slowly and deliberately, he moved his head closer to mine. I held in my breath, while my eyes immediately traveled to his lips. But instead of bringing his lips to mine, they came up to my forehead, planting a soft, tender kiss right in the middle. His lips rested there momentarily before he slowly picked his head up to gaze into my eyes.

"You're very welcome sweet Bella," he whispered. After a few short seconds, he sighed and let go of my hand. "When you're ready, I'll be waiting downstairs."

He stood to leave, taking the tray of breakfast with him. As he was about to step out of the room, an illogical panic set in.

"Edward," I could hear the unexplained anxiety in my voice.

He turned around quickly, wearing the same anxious look I had, as if he too felt as awkward and unsure as I did right now.

"I'll…" – I hesitated, not sure what I was going to say. Unable to think of anything clever, I settled on, "I won't be long."

Edward gave me his crooked grin, and I felt myself relax instantly. "Don't hurt yourself rushing. I'm not going anywhere," he assured. I smiled, hoping he'd meant it the way I imagined it.

I dressed quickly, brushing my teeth with the new toothbrush Edward had left in his bathroom, and using his seemingly unused hair brush to brush out the tangles in my hair. I met Edward downstairs promptly, where he sat still on one of the sofas until I reached him. He smiled as he stood.

"You look beautiful," he breathed, holding his hand out to me. I took it without hesitation and we walked out of the house.

We passed my car and headed towards his Volvo. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I'd rather we take my car today, if you don't mind," he asked in a mild tone, looking straight ahead.

"Where to?" he asked, as he turned on the ignition and revved the engine. He looked nervous, if that were possible.

I took a deep, slow breath. "Let's head back to Charlie's."

Edward kept his eyes straight ahead, but I could see his anxiousness in the tight set of his jaw. He nodded and we drove off.

We drove down the winding one-oh-one in relative silence. For the first half of the short ride, I was too absorbed in the fact that I was in Edward's Volvo once again to even notice the strange stillness surrounding me. I inhaled deeply and tried to suppress a sigh; the intoxicatingly sweet scent I'd come to associate with Edward permeated the entire interior of the car. I lay my head back into the seat and reveled in the sweet aroma. It was only after a few minutes that I realized that Edward hadn't looked away from the road once, that both of his hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly I was surprised he hadn't broken it off yet. I studied him as we drove past the tree-lined streets, navigating through the thick fog in the air and the consistent raindrops falling from the steel-colored sky. Underneath the beauty of his face, the natural surety that came with features so perfect that they appeared to have been chiseled out of stone, was the face of a tense, apprehensive young man. Anyone else would have missed the way his already sharp jaw line tightened even more around the edges, to the point where you could almost see his jaw bones protruding from either side. His eyes were intently focused on the road ahead of us, but I knew how unnecessary that really was. He sat rigidly in his seat, not one muscle in his lean body appearing loose or relaxed. Suddenly, I wished I was the one with the ability to read minds, so I could figure out what was going on in Edward's head. His wariness wasn't a good way to head into where we were going now. Instinctively, my body ached for him; to reach out to him and comfort him somehow. To hold him tight until his rigid muscles loosened and his jaw turned up into the crooked grin I loved so much. My hand twitched to reach out to him, but I forced it to remain still on my lap. I had to do this right. I had to do this clearly and decisively, so that there wouldn't be any more confusion between Edward and me. My hands trembled on my lap, both from nerves and from the effort to keep them away from Edward.

Sooner than I could've imagined, we were parked in front of my house.

"We're here," Edward whispered with forced levity. He finally turned to me, and the unsure look in his eyes pierced my heart. In that moment, it was almost impossible for me to not throw myself into his arms and just stay there forever, without having to do this, without having to show him this way. But that was the way the old Bella would've handled things.

I watched him in silence for a few seconds, unable to speak until I was sure I could do so without breaking down. His eyes were warm and encouraging, regardless of the tension I could feel emanating from him. I looked down at my lap and closed my eyes, unable to keep looking in his eyes and unable to move yet. Edward must've sensed my discomfort. I suddenly felt his cool hand wrapped tightly round my own, and when I opened my eyes and looked up, he offered me a lop-sided smile.

"Hey," –he squeezed my hand comfortingly- "It's going to be okay." I felt the tears prickling the corners of my eyes, but I forced them back. Now wasn't a time for tears, it was a time for the truth. Even through his own questions and insecurities, Edward was encouraging me. He deserved more than tears and more confusion. I took a deep, calming breath and nodded, smiling and trying to look beyond this moment to what lay ahead for us if we could just get through this part.

With new resolve, I slipped my hands out of his, opened the door and began walking slowly towards the darkened woods just beyond my house. I heard Edward open the driver's side door, but didn't hear the door close. When I turned, he was still standing by the Volvo, with a hesitant and wary look on his face.

"Come for a walk with me" I suggested, before turning back and continuing on my path. I didn't pause to see if he'd follow. I had to trust that he would, just as he'd trusted that I would follow him into these same woods all those years ago

I heard a deep outlet of air behind me, and the car door slammed shut. Edward knew exactly where we were headed. My heart ached for him, realizing the pain this must've been causing him. But this wasn't a punishment. It wasn't retribution. It was, unfortunately, the only way I knew to get the closure we _both_ needed. The only way to put that day finally behind us, once and for all.

And I hated it. But if we didn't do this, neither one of us could ever move on.

I kept walking, and even though I couldn't hear Edward behind me, I knew he was there, taking slow, hesitant steps.

We'd gone a few feet into the trees when I stopped, barely on the trail, still in view of the house.

History repeating itself.

I walked over to the same tree I hadn't been near in years. I leaned against it, turning to face Edward.

Four years and nine months ago, the last time we were here, Edward's face was unreadable as we paused by the tree. Today, the torment in his face was unmistakable. His amber eyes were wild with trepidation, his lips were turned down in dread. He ran one hand through his bronze hair, pulling at it forcefully.

"Why here Bella?" he murmured, with an ache in his voice. He looked so young and vulnerable standing there.

"I need to tell you about yesterday…and about what's been going on," I answered. My voice was monotone. Not because I was trying to recreate the scene from four years ago, but because I was trying to keep from breaking down. Nevertheless, I realized what he must've heard in my tone. I cringed inwardly.

Edward simply nodded. His golden eyes burned into me with an intensity that hadn't been there last time we found ourselves here. Gone was the distant and frozen gaze from that day. His eyes never broke contact with mine.

"Edward," I continued in a softer voice. "Do you remember when you left, you asked me to go on as if you'd never existed?"

Edward nodded again, grimacing. He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands, and I thought I saw his knees bend slightly.

"I've spent the last few years trying to do exactly that," I explained. "Trying to build a life for myself as if those few months you and I spent together had never happened."

Edward dropped his hands from his face and looked up at me. His eyes were black and empty.

"These past few weeks have been really…hard. I mean, after all these years of trying to move on, of thinking I finally had everything together, you come back. And Jake," I closed my eyes momentarily. "I didn't know what to do Edward. I was going crazy."

Edward watched me with growing anxiety.

"Two nights ago, I had a dream," I went on wistfully, remembering my dream. Edward's eyebrows crept closer together. "I dreamt-" – I hesitated for a moment, wishing I could say this without hurting Edward. But there just wasn't any other way. – "I dreamt that Jake proposed to me on the beach in La Push."

Edward let out an agonized moan and dropped to his knees. His hands balled into fists at his sides. I hated what this was doing to him, but I had to go on; to make him understand. This wasn't about hurting him, it was about proving something to him.

"I saw it all then Edward. What my life would be like once I married Jake. I looked down and saw myself in my wedding dress, long and flowing, and Jake in his tuxedo. I looked out onto the shore and saw us marrying each other right there. The exact spot where we'd say our vows to each other." A choked sob escaped Edward's lips. He kept his head down.

"I saw the house Jake and I would buy together in Forks, and him coming home from work everyday with a huge grin on his face. I saw us sitting down to dinner, with Charlie and Billy, and I saw us dancing like idiots in the middle of our small living room. And then" – tears started running down my face, and a small smile formed on my lips "then I saw two tiny faces, two tiny bodies running down the beach towards us, laughing and holding hands and stopping to pick seashells. One had short, black hair and deep, black eyes, and the other had long brown hair and brown eyes. I even saw them smile up at me, all loving and trusting."

Tearless sobs came from the broken man kneeling a few feet away from me. I stopped myself before telling him that while those two little angels ran down the beach laughing, they'd suddenly dissolved before my eyes, like nothing more than bits of sea foam disappearing quickly once the waves broke on the beach. I stopped myself before telling him that once their tiny figures vanished, another brighter, bronze-haired figure had materialized abruptly in their place, appearing through a haze of glitter, as if conjured up by a fairy's magic wand. I couldn't explain to him just yet that this figure had been, unbelievably, more beautiful and impossible than the ones it had replaced. That unlike the delicate, permeable sea foam the other two figures had appeared to be, this image had been strong and unwavering, as if I could've reached out and touched it and felt its strong, firm skin. I didn't know how to explain to him how this figure had made me feel, the overwhelming sense of love and fierce protectiveness I felt over this particular image.

I couldn't tell him these things because I didn't think he was ready to hear them yet; but also because it was a part of my dream that I wasn't sure I understood yet myself, and therefore wasn't able to share yet. So instead I told him just enough to make him understand what this dream meant for _us,_ for Edward and me.

"That dream would've been my life Edward. The life you said you wanted for me. My life to lead…_if _you'd never existed."

I started crying, unable to hold in my own tears any longer. The rest of my words came out garbled, but I prayed that he could understand me, because this was what he needed to know. I fell to my knees too now, watching Edward's shoulders rise and fall with his heaves.

"But Edward, you _do_ exist. _This_ is what you need to understand! You _never_ stopped existing for me! It was impossible! It could _never_ be as if you hadn't existed! Not the day you left me here, not a few months later, not a few years later, not decades or _centuries_ later!" My sobs took over and I had to stop to catch my breath.

Edward's head shot up. He looked at me wild eyed, as if not daring to believe what he'd heard.

"That dream, that life with Jake," I continued through trembling lips, "it could _never_ be. That wasn't me I was seeing. That life didn't belong to me, because my course had already been set a lifetime ago."

Edward's breathing came harder now, but he remained stock still. He watched me incredulously, but didn't move.

"Since the moment I was born Edward, my life prepared me to meet you. For that day when I walked into Biology class and found you staring at me like I was the devil coming to claim you," – I chuckled through my tears. "Don't you see? My scent, my closed mind, even my knack for attracting danger, it was all for you Edward. It was how I was supposed to find my way to you. And once I finally found you, you burrowed yourself deep in my heart. And it will _always_ be yours Edward; no matter what. You claimed me the moment I was born."

No, that was wrong, I realized. That didn't quite explain it well either.

"You claimed me the moment _you_ were born. The moment _you_ came into existence, I was set aside for _you_."

In a blinding flash, Edward was in front of me, still on his knees. Gone was the broken man from just a few moments ago. Here in front of me now was a strong man, a man who was finally realizing how much he was loved. A man who could finally see how right our love was, and who would _finally_ be able to accept it.

He gently placed both hands on either side of my face. His chest heaved, but not from any sense of anxiety. When he spoke, his voice held a new confidence, a new resolve. "Bella, I will never doubt you or our love again." His voice was steady and firm, and full of a conviction that only came with undeniable certainty. "My world has been empty for so long, but never emptier than these past four years, trying to go on without you, after knowing what life with you could be like. And I know it was my own fault-"

I tried to cut him off. Assigning blame wasn't what I wanted this to be about. "Edward-"

He removed one hand from my face and gently covered my mouth. "Shh." He smiled. "Don't worry, I'm not going down that road again. I just want to tell you that I'm so grateful. Grateful that you've found it in your heart to give me a second chance. Grateful that I can now prove to you and to myself that I can be the man you always believed me to be." He took a deep breath, taking his hand off my mouth and running it down the length of my hair. "Grateful that I can once again call you mine," he murmured.

Silent tears ran down my face; different from those I'd shed over the last few years. These tears were cleansing; comforting. They washed away the pain of the last few years, taking with them all the doubts and insecurities associated with the man before me. "I've always been yours," I confirmed in a whisper. "My heart was always yours, and it always will be."

Edward lowered his head to my shoulder. Instinctively, my arms found their way around him, and his arms moved to encircle my waist. And there, a few feet from Charlie's house, kneeling down on the moist earth, surrounded by the lush foliage of the thick, wet forest – a forest brought to life by the tears shed from the sky – Edward and I brought each other back to life. We held each other and cried. And though his eyes remained dry, my tears made up for his inability to shed any, and offered him as much release as they offered me. They were tears of life, tears of joy.

We remained there, holding each other, supporting each other, for what seemed like an eternity. We were almost there, but one thing still remained. Edward had to take away my nightmares. He was the only one with the power to do that.

I picked my head up off his shoulder and looked up at him. His face was glowing now. I realized that the sun had finally broken through the cloud cover, and its shards of light were cutting through the canopy of leaves above us, sending glimmering rays of afternoon radiance down to us. The ray's lights cast a spotlight around us, as if shining down from heaven. Edward's skin glowed luminously in the light, adding shimmer to the natural glow that emanated off of him now.

"Now I need you to undo this place for me Edward. To give me new memories and new dreams."

It only took a split second for understanding to cross his face.

"I'm never leaving Bella," he whispered. His eyes twinkled in the sunlight, soft and adoring. I smiled up at him.

"Where I am is the right place for you." My smile widened. One by one, he was taking back all his hurtful words.

"I'm perfect for you Bella." I laughed lightly, the sound reverberating happily off the trees surrounding us. Edward's mouth turned up at one side.

"You are my world," he continued. I sighed in absolute contentment.

"Bella, I don't want to go anywhere without you." I started crying again through my chuckles.

The last lie that needed to be undone was the one that had broken me, the one that had shaped my nightmares for the past few years. Edward's face grew serious again. He knew this had been the lowest blow of all. He brought his hands up to cup my face again, stroking my cheeks gently with his thumbs. His eyes smoldered. I saw the truth and sincerity in his words before he even spoke them.

"Bella, you are absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing in the world for me. The _only_ thing in the world for me." My tears flowed quickly, but a smile lit my face.

"I'll make you a promise Bella," he continued. "I promise that I'll _never_ leave. I won't put you through anything like this again." He looked away for a second, seeming to struggle for the right words. When he looked back at me, a hint of regret passed quickly over his features, before morphing into his crooked smile. "I'll never again try to pretend we never existed."

He held my face tighter. "There was never any distraction love. There could never be any distraction from you. You are my beginning and my end. And I will love you for always, for eternity, for as long as you'll let me have you." His eyes held a question; of time; of the meaning of eternity.

I drew in a deep breath. I knew already. I'd made my decision as a lovesick teenager. Now I would confirm it as a well-informed adult.

"I'm yours forever Edward, and I-"

His lips were on me before I could finish. I melted into his strong arms and he held me up, keeping me from sinking to the moist earth beneath us. Edward's hands tangled into my hair and suddenly his lips were everywhere at once, leaving a cool trail from my lips, down to my neck and then across my shoulders. Every spot he touched tingled. I shivered in his arms, both from the coolness of his kisses and the sparks they ignited deep within me. I tried to keep up with him; to kiss him everywhere my lips reached; but he was too fast for me; eager to make up for years of lost time. So I quickly gave up and held on to his shoulders tightly, raising my neck to give him better access while holding on for dear life, because I wasn't sure I wouldn't pass out. Edward's mouth trailed up to my ear, where he gently tugged with his lips. My eyes rolled into the back of my head.

"Mine," he whispered, leading with a path of open-mouthed kisses from one ear, across my neck, to the other ear. "All mine," he mouthed into the space behind my ear and my neck. His words sent another shiver up my spine. His voice was full of elation; full of the same unabashed joy I felt. I forced myself to pull my arms off of him long enough to grab his face in my hands.

I gazed into his dark, smoldering eyes. "I've _always_ been yours Edward." His eyes darkened even more and suddenly his lips were on me again. It was he that deepened our kiss this time; his cool tongue darted out to savor my bottom lip before being granted access inside. I wrapped my arms around him again and he pulled me flush against him, until every part of me lined up perfectly with every part of him. Until I could barely breathe from the electricity coursing through every part of me that touched him. I held on to him tighter and brought my mouth to his ear this time.

"Forever Edward," I managed to breathe between kisses, needing to hear confirmation of our mutual decision.

Edward sighed. But it wasn't a sigh of indecision or uncertainty. It was a sigh of relief. Of longing for a future that finally looked inviting. He kissed me softly and tenderly twice, lingering on my bottom lip. "Forever love. Forever," he promised against my lips, sighing deeply into my mouth. His honey breath tasted sweeter than the entire bowl of fruit I'd eaten this morning, and a thousand times more enticing. I smiled against his mouth and he chuckled once, kissing me softly again. Now it was my turn to sigh. I brought my head down to rest in the crook of his neck, facing his perfectly smooth, straight jaw and placing slow, languid kisses across it. Edward moaned quietly; his hands gripping my hips. Slowly, his thumbs traced smooth, round circles along my hips while his hands traveled in deliberate patterns back and forth between my stomach and my sides. My kisses against his jaw slowed as new sensations awakened within me. Edward was definitely ready and willing to make up for lost time. But we both knew here and now wouldn't the appropriate time or place.

Perhaps sensing my weakening ability to think straight, his hands slowed, until they finally stilled on my hips. His lips caressed my temple softly before his velvety voice attempted to break us from the strange and wonderful spell that had come over us.

"Maybe…we should…get going?" He punctuated every word with soft kisses.

I drew in a deep breath before attempting to answer him, trying to slow my racing heart and hopefully speak without sounding like a quivering puddle of mush. "Yes. We probably should," I finally managed to squeak out, my voice shaky regardless of my attempt.

Edward chuckled, obviously aware of my overactive hormonal reaction to his touch. "Don't worry love. We have all the time in the world to catch up." I laughed despite myself and my blushing cheeks, because I didn't think I'd ever heard more beautiful words come out of his mouth.

I looked back up at him, grinning like a fool. "That sounds just about perfect to me." He laughed once with me before kissing me firmly one last time and taking my hands to stand us both up.

We walked out of the woods, back towards Charlie's house hand in hand, stealing long glances at each other and smiling like Cheshire cats. When we finally stood in front of the house, Edward gently turned me to face him. And although his eyes still sparkled with joy, his face was more reserved and his voice held a hint of intemperance.

"Bella love, I need to know what happened with Paul…and with Jake. Can you finish telling me what happened?"

The mention of Paul sent a flash of fear down my spine, not because I was frightened right then, but because of the memory of what had happened less than twenty-four hours ago. It wasn't something I wanted to relive, but I knew I had to tell Edward. After everything he'd done for Jake yesterday, he had a right to know. And besides, I wouldn't be able to tell him about how things had ended with Jake and me without also telling him about Paul. I closed my eyes and swallowed, and I could feel Edward tense beside me. When I reopened my eyes, I could see Edward's anger brewing just underneath his carefully composed features.

"Edward, I promise I'll tell you everything on the way to La Push. Let me just run in and get some stuff I need from inside, and then we can get going."

Edward nodded his head, relaxing slightly.

I ran into my house quickly, while Edward went to wait by the Volvo. I ran up to my room, eager to get what I needed so that I could get back to Edward, and so that we could get to La Push to see Jake. Grabbing a duffel bag from my closet, I quickly threw in a few things before zipping it up and running back downstairs and out the front door. I'd have to call Charlie soon and deal with that situation, but first I wanted to go see Jake. Charlie wouldn't be too pleased with me when we finally did speak, but I had to believe that he trusted my ability to make my own decisions, and that he'd accept them as those made by an adult, and not merely by his little girl.

Edward waited for me leaning against the passenger side of the Volvo. He smiled widely and pushed himself off when I neared him, and then without any conscious thought I ran the last few feet to him and launched myself into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around him tightly. His arms molded themselves around me quickly and he chuckled into my hair. The vibration from his laughter sent goose bumps up and down my flesh.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to take having you in my arms for granted," he murmured into my hair.

I giggled. "Oh I don't know, maybe after a couple of hundred years you'll feel differently," I protested.

"I wouldn't bet on that." His melodic voice held no hint of doubt, nor hesitancy; not about still loving me in two hundred years, and not about still having me by his side by then. I sighed deeply, exhilarated beyond words.

Edward pulled away just enough to be able to look at me directly. "We have a lot to discuss." His voice was calm as he traced soothing circles on my back.

He was right. There was so much we still had to talk about; to decide. Our future; which although we both agreed on, needed a plan and a timeline agreed upon.

And Jake.

Jake still needed me, even if I couldn't be to him what I'd once been. I couldn't completely abandon him either. I may have finally admitted to myself where my heart needed to be, but that didn't mean I could just walk away from Jake when he needed me the most.

I sighed and nodded, unwrapping myself from him and lowering myself slowly with his help. "Let's get going. We can talk on the way."

Edward nodded and opened the door for me. I threw my duffel into the back seat, and in an instant Edward was in the driver's seat. As soon as we pulled away, he reached out and took my hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing it tenderly before lowering our entwined hands over the console between us.

He was right, I didn't think either one of us would ever be able to take holding each other again for granted. Ever. It was hard to believe that, less than twenty-four hours ago, I'd felt anything other than this all-consuming bliss.

Thinking about twenty-four hours ago brought me back down to the rest of the world, the world that still existed beyond Edward and me.

Jake.

Paul.

"Are you okay love?" Edward felt the change in me, the way my body tensed in my seat at the thought of Paul. I supposed there'd be no better time than the present to tell him what had happened.

"Do you still want to know what happened yesterday?" I asked quietly.

Edward's lips narrowed into a tight line and he nodded.

I sucked in a deep breath and looked straight ahead, tightening my grip on Edward's hand. "After my…dream a couple of night ago, I knew I couldn't stay with Jake. I knew none of that life could ever be, because my heart and my soul were already claimed. So I recognized the dream for what it was; merely a peak into someone else's life with Jake. A vision of what Jake deserved…just not with me." Edward raised an eyebrow, as if some sudden thought came to him, but said nothing. "For so long, I'd thought that leaving him would be the most selfish and despicable thing I could do." I continued. "I thought I owed him better than that. But after that dream I realized that…" – I exhaled – "I couldn't give him that life; that perfect vision. And keeping him from finding it with someone else…_that_ would be the most selfish thing I could do to him. What I owe Jake is a chance at finding the right person; the one who _can_ make that dream a reality for him." I looked at Edward. He was looking straight ahead, his eyes appearing to focus on the road, although I knew he was listening to me intently. "Because he does deserve it Edward," I whispered earnestly, hoping he'd understand.

Edward drew our entwined hands back up to his lips, placing soft, gentle kisses on the back of my hand while keeping his eyes on the road ahead of us. "I know love. I know," he answered. "He's a good man. And he deserves his happiness." There was no hint of hostility or insincerity in his tone, but I could hear the unspoken end to his thought, because it was the same thought I'd had right after my dream. _'Just not with you.'_

"I wanted to call you as soon as I realized I'd made my decision. I was anxious to see you, to be in your arms again, but it wouldn't have been right to go to you before ending things properly with Jake." Edward nodded in understanding. "So I called Jake and asked him to meet me in La Push after the store closed." I gazed out of my passenger side window, watching as the road and the trees all blended into a greenish-grey blur as we sped down the highway towards La Push. It resembled a water color painting, where the artist had taken his brush and gone wild with wide, wet brushstrokes, letting the colors drip lazily down the large, forgiving canvas.

"When Jake met me on the beach, he looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked agitated, as if he'd spent a lot of time thinking in the past few days instead of sleeping. I felt so horrible for what I was about to do, and I prayed that he'd understand somehow. But it was like he knew though, as soon as he looked at me; like he knew what I was there for because the first words out of his mouth were 'Bella, please, before you say anything, let me just say something.'"

I looked down at my lap, willing the tears that were stinging my eyes to remain hidden. "But I couldn't. I couldn't let him go on and tell me that he loved me, that he was still hoping for a future with me, knowing what I was there to do. So I said, 'No Jake. I've got to say this. I owe you this much at least.' - 'But Bells-' he tried to interrupt, but I wouldn't let him. I said, 'Jake no!'"

I remembered now how I'd taken his hand, and we'd stood there on the beach, facing each other while the late evening breeze kicked up the elements around us, dusting us with a light layer of sand and ocean water.

"'Please Jake, please let me get this out first,' I begged him, and after a few seconds of hesitation, he pursed his lips and nodded. I told him how for the past few years, he'd been everything to me. How I owed him my life, in so many ways, and how I would always love him and be grateful to him for everything he'd done for me."

My voice cracked, as the tears I'd been fighting finally broke loose.

"I told him how he couldn't have been a better man, but that I…" – my voice came out in a hushed whisper as I recounted the events to Edward – "I just couldn't do this to him anymore. I couldn't pretend to be what he needed. I couldn't love him the way he needed me to, the way he deserved someone to love him, so the most honorable thing I could do was allow him to move on, because no matter what, I loved him enough to want the best for him."

I stopped to compose myself. Edward squeezed my hand encouragingly but said nothing, knowing there was really nothing he could say at the moment, or nothing he needed to say. I knew I'd done the right thing. Regardless of how I felt for Edward, the fact was that I just didn't love Jake the way he deserved to be loved. Yet even though I knew I'd done the right thing, it had still been so hard.

"When I was done," I continued, "Jake looked upset, but much better composed than I'd expected. 'Can I speak now Bells?' he asked, and I nodded my head, surprised at his calmness. I knew Jake would never hurt me, so I hadn't been worried about that, but I'd gone in expecting to hear some serious yelling and cursing at the very least."

I recalled now how, for a few seconds, the only sounds had been those of the evening tide breaking against the beach and the sea birds calling to each other, descending into the water to catch their evening meal.

I continued recounting the events to Edward.

"I watched Jake as he opened his mouth a few times in false starts, only to close it again and appearing to struggle with what he wanted to say. I found that kind of weird," I explained to Edward, "because Jake _never_ struggles with words. He's the type of person who says exactly what he's thinking, often times _without_ thinking, especially when he's upset. But he was struggling," I recalled, gazing out of the windshield now, my eyes glazing over as I recalled those last few moments of calm before the storm.

"He opened his mouth once again. 'Bells,' he started, 'I just need to tell you that-' and then there was this low sound in the wooded tree line behind us that interrupted him. We both turned our attention towards the dark trees. I didn't hear anything else, but Jake kept his eyes trained on a dark spot nestled in between the tall trees. His head jerked to the side, as if he were hearing something I couldn't hear, and seeing something I couldn't see. Abruptly, his mouth turned up into a sneer, and his nostrils flared. He grabbed my hand tightly and pushed me behind him. 'Stay still Bella!' he yelled at me."

Edward's hold on my hand tightened, his own mouth turning up in a sneer as he anticipated the turn the story had now taken.

"I had no idea what Jake was talking about; what he was seeing or hearing beyond the wooded trees, and I was about to protest, thinking that maybe this was the part where he'd start yelling and cursing because of what I'd just said to him. But just as I was about to question him, I saw…Paul."

"At first I couldn't tell who it was. I just saw a huge, dark shape slinking towards us slowly and stealthily, like in one of those horror movies where the bad guy comes toward you slowly and confidently while you run desperately for your life. Except I couldn't make my legs move at all. I think some part of me knew it would've done no use to run at that point anyway."

"As he neared us, his features came into sharper focus. I could see his black eyes glowing in the moonlight, like those of an angry wolf. His mouth was turned up in a sneer matching Jake's." I stopped, closing my eyes as the image returned to me. "His hands…his hands were no longer those of a man. They were shaking, changing; somewhere between human hands and a wild animal's paws."

Edward let out a low growl in the cabin of the car that reverberated throughout my entire body.

"'What are you doing here Paul?' Jake asked him, his voice was low and threatening. Paul stopped a few feet away from us and smiled. His huge, white teeth glimmered in the dark. 'What?' he asked innocently. 'This is still a public beach, isn't it?' His hands continued to shake at his sides. Jake regarded him for a long moment. 'Bella and I are having a private conversation. You need to leave,' he commanded, but Paul just laughed loudly. 'Private? Nah! Nuttn' private 'bout that convo,' he teased Jake. 'Heard it all my brother.' He jerked his chin in my direction. 'Bella here just dumped your sorry ass, just like I warned you she would.'"

I started crying again, and Edward looked at me worriedly, but I could see the fury behind his concern clearly on his pale features.

"'Mind your god-damned business Paul and get outta here!' Jake demanded, pulling me closer behind him. Paul glanced between us, at the way Jake was trying to hide me behind him, and laughed again."

"'Still trying to protect her, even after she just dropped you for a bloodsucker?' he cried incredulously. 'Because you _do_ know that that's what this is all about?' he asked, waving his hand between Jake and me. 'All this bull about owing you and wanting the best for you' he mocked. 'It's just a bunch of crap. You know that, right? She couldn't give a rat's ass about you. You were just her little sucker, keeping her safe and entertained until her leech came back for her. That's all you've ever been to her my brother. You know that, right?'"

Edward's growls grew louder, until the entire car vibrated from his anger. I decided to edit the story. It'd be best to leave out the part where he called me a leech-loving whore and accused me of keeping Jake whipped while I kept my goodies dangled just out of his reach.

"'Shut up!' I yelled at Paul from behind Jake. 'You don't know anything about me, or about Jake! So just shut up and leave us alone!'

"Paul laughed even harder. 'My, my. What a temper on this little wildcat!' His hands trembled even more at his sides, and his sneer grew wider. 'What say you and I teach this little hellcat a lesson here brother? Send a message to her and her leech. Show 'em no one messes with our pack?' He glared through Jake, sending me a look of pure hatred."

"I couldn't see Jake's face as he watched Paul, but when he spoke, I'd never heard him sound angrier or more menacing. 'You listen to me Paul, and you listen good,' he growled, 'because I'm only gonna say this once.' I could feel Jake shaking, and I knew it would only take him a split second to phase. 'Out of respect for your family and for the pack, I'm gonna give you one chance to walk away now, to go home and pack your shit, and get the hell out of La Push. Go as far as you can, and don't ever come back. Because after tonight, the next time I see you, I'll friggin' kill you. You are no longer part of our pack, you are no longer part of this tribe. So either leave now, on two or four feet, or leave later, in a body bag. Your choice.'"

"Paul's eyes flashed with fury, but he quickly recovered himself and plastered a smile on again. He tapped his mouth with his index finger, pretending to debate his choices. His hands were no longer in between a man and a wolf's. They'd turned back into human hands. 'Seems like you haven't left me _much_ of a choice,' he mused. 'Guess I better get outta here and let Bella finish neutering you,' he mocked. 'Say bye to the pack for me,' he called out, walking away."

"He disappeared back into the woods. Jake and I stood there until I could no longer see him or hear him, and then when I finally felt Jake relax slightly, I knew Jake couldn't hear him anymore either. Jake turned to me then and said he still had things he needed to tell me, but right now he wanted to get me home and get the pack together, to let them know what had happened with Paul. I agreed, and we walked slowly back to my car. After what had just happened, Jake didn't feel comfortable letting me drive home alone, so he was going to drop me off."

My voice broke. "The next thing I remember, I heard a loud growl behind me, and before I could turn around, I was flying through the air, and I landed hard on my back, on the other side of my car. I could hear growling and yelping, and teeth snapping as if trying to tear at flesh and bones. And then…"

I sobbed loudly and Edward reached out and pulled me into him with his arm. "And then, still on my back, I turned my head towards the car. I could see what was happening from the space underneath my car. Jake-" -my voice cracked as I tried to continue talking- "Jake hadn't phased. He was lying on the ground, all bloodied and hurt, and Paul in his wolf form, was on top of him, reaching with his bared teeth towards Jake's jugular. Jake was trying desperately to hold him back with his human hands. And just as…" -I drew in a deep breath- "Paul must've heard something. Once he'd changed into wolf, any other pack brother that was also in wolf form would've heard and seen his thoughts. He pulled away quickly and fled back into the trees. A couple of seconds later, Sam appeared, as a wolf, and found Jake and me lying on the ground. I hadn't even been able to make it over to Jake yet." I cried uncontrollably now. "Jake was all…broken, and by the time I reached him, he'd passed out. We took him home, but Sam wouldn't take him to a hospital or call a doctor. He and the rest of the pack went to look for Paul, all except for Seth and Leah, who stayed behind to guard Jake and me. And then, well...you know the rest of the story."

I collapsed into Edward's side, soaking the side of his shirt with my tears.

"Shh. It's okay Bella. He'll be okay." Edward's smooth voice helped calm me down. "I promise you. He'll be okay."

"Thanks to you," I whispered, lifting my head up to kiss him softly on his neck. "Thank you…again Edward. For coming when I called. For crossing into enemy territory without a moment's hesitation, for helping Jake, even through all the hostility that you had to take yesterday, and for going through all of it again now."

Edward's eyes came down to meet mine. "I told you Bella, you don't need to thank me. It was the right thing to do." His eyes suddenly turned hard, and he lifted his eyes to the road again. "I can't believe…" He drew in a sharp breath before continuing. "If the wolves haven't found him and finished him off yet, I definitely will. I'll scour this entire planet if I have to until I find him and rip him to pieces! That he threatened you! That he tried to…" – Edward cringed, as if in pain – "that he tried to hurt you!"

"Don't you see though?" I interrupted him. "It wasn't ever me Paul wanted to hurt. It was Jake! He's been jealous of Jake for years. Jealous because Jake is better liked, jealous because Jake's done a better job of doing something with himself, running his own business while Paul just lazes around La Push, jealous because Jake's not only Sam's Beta, the second in command, but the _true_ Alpha at the end of the day. Paul just used this whole vampire slash werewolf vendetta as an excuse to hate Jake, when in reality, deep inside, he's been so blindly jealous and full of hate for years!"

Edward looked back down at me, searching. "I have a feeling that's not all he envied Jacob," he murmured.

I looked at him questioningly, but before I had a chance to ask him what he meant, we'd come to a stop in front of Jake's little house.

Edward turned off the car. He kept the keys in the ignition and paused, one hand on the steering wheel and the other still on the keys. "Regardless, Paul is now my problem to deal with as much as the wolves. The moment Paul came anywhere near you, he involved me. And that would've been the case whether you came back to me, or not."

A pang of fear tickled my stomach. "Edward, you just promised me a little while ago that you're not leaving me anymore. That's not exactly in line with your plan to scour the planet for Paul."

Edward removed the keys from the ignition and brought his hand up to my cheek gently. "I'm not leaving you ever again Bella. I _swear_ that. But Paul _will _pay. I swear that too."

Before I could protest, Edward looked towards the little house. His words reminded me where we were and why. "They know we're here. We'd better get inside."

Suddenly anxious to see Jake, my eternal friend, regardless of all else, I opened my car door quickly and Edward and I walked towards the house. Seth opened the door. He looked tired and glum, but he offered us both a smile as he moved aside and let us in.

"How is he?" I asked anxiously, making my way to Jake's room.

Seth followed behind me, answering as I opened the door to Jake's tiny bedroom. "He looks better. He looks _a lot _better. But he still hasn't opened his eyes."

As soon as I opened the door, my eyes fell on Jake. Seth was right. He did look a lot better. The color had returned to his face and the rest of his bare chest. He body lay still, but comfortable looking, no longer bent in unnatural poses. The angry, open gashes that had lay across his chest less than twenty-four hours ago now looked months old and slim, like thin, silvery wires barely visible to the naked eye. To anyone who didn't know better, Jake would appear to be merely in a deep sleep right now.

Billy sat in his wheelchair, in the same little corner he'd been in last night, looking as tired and weary as Seth, and Leah now sat next to him in a chair she'd pulled up by the window. She looked up at us when we walked in, giving us an empty stare that was actually much better than what I'd expected from her today.

Edward nodded his head in greeting to Billy before walking over to Jake's side and picking up his wrist to feel his pulse, even though I knew he could hear all of our pulses and heartbeats as clearly as if they were in stereo. He examined him quietly, and then turned to look at first Billy, then me.

"He looks and sounds just fine. I can't explain why he hasn't woken yet."

I bit my lip, frustrated and desperate to see Jake open his eyes again. I moved over to his side slowly and picked up his hand, squeezing it between both of my own.

"Jake, it's Bella. I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm here now." I waited, hoping for some reaction from him.

Nothing.

"Please Jake. Please open your eyes. I…I know you're probably not too happy with me right now," – Leah snorted from her corner – "but please, just open your eyes and yell at me, scream at me. Whatever." A small tear slid down my cheek. "Just wake up. Please," I begged.

Nothing.

I sighed, feeling tight and anxious all over.

"Relax Bella," I heard Billy murmur. "Jake'll wake up when he's good and ready. When he finds whatever it is he's looking for wherever he is right now."

"What's he looking for Billy?" I asked curiously.

"Don't know Bells." Billy's voice was pensive. "But I'm sure whatever it is, he'll find it."

Behind me, I could hear Edward and Seth whispering to each other, but I couldn't pay much attention to what they were saying. I was too worried about Jake, focusing all my senses on trying to pick up some sign of awareness from him, no matter how subtle. But nothing happened. Not a twitch in his face, not a fraction of movement in his hands or legs.

"Has the pack caught up with Paul?" I thought I heard Edward ask Seth, though he spoke so low I couldn't be sure that's what he'd said.

"Not yet," Seth seemed to answer, in a voice just as low. "He keeps phasing back and forth between man and wolf, trying to throw the pack off his trail. He knows how we think, so it's easier for him to evade us. And he's a lot sneakier than Sam and the rest of us ever gave him credit for."

"Obviously," Edward seemed to hiss. He paused. "I spoke to my family early this morning," he finally continued. "My sister Alice was frantic when she suddenly couldn't see me late last night. Anyway, I've filled them in on what has happened, and they're more than willing to lend their assistance in finding Paul. They're away on a hunt at the moment, but they can easily meet up with the pack. After what he did to Jacob, and after almost hurting Bella, we have just as much a stake in finding him as the rest of you do." Another pause. "I'd love nothing more than to go myself, but after what happened, I'm not leaving Bella."

Seth was quiet for a few seconds. "Thanks Edward. I'll let Sam know as soon as I hear from him. But I gotta be honest with you man, I don't think that's gonna fly with Sam. He sees this as our problem and our problem alone."

Edward didn't answer right away. "You understand that Paul is a large threat not only to your pack, but to Bella as well."

Seth must have nodded, because Edward continued. "And you understand that neither my family nor I can allow that."

Again, Seth must have signaled his understanding, because Edward finished in a whisper so low I wasn't sure I heard the words properly. "Then you know that, regardless of what the pack decides, my family and I _will_ do whatever it takes to make sure that any threat to Bella is quickly…eliminated."

There was no audible answer from Seth, but for some reason, I felt a shiver run up my spine.

I stayed with Jake for a couple of hours, talking to him, joking with him the way we used to years ago. But no matter what I did or said, I got no reaction from him. Finally, both mentally and physically exhausted, I promised him and Billy I'd return tomorrow, even if I had to close the store early to come see him.

I thought about Gabby suddenly. I hadn't seen her in a few days, since the graduation dance, and she'd sounded so sick and troubled last time I'd spoken to her. I'd planned to go up to Port Angeles to see her tomorrow, but I hadn't even had a chance to speak to her with everything that had happened this weekend. And with Jake lying here unconscious, I wouldn't be able to go see her tomorrow either. I drew in a large breath and released it slowly. Two of the most important people in my life were hurting, and I had no idea what was wrong with them, or how to help them.

Afterwards, when Edward and I drove away, I waited for the guilt to attack me. The guilt that told me that I was a horrible person for leaving Jake lying there while I drove off with Edward into the sunset. But the guilt never came. Was it because deep inside somewhere, I knew that breaking up with Jake had been the right thing to do, not just for me, but for him as well? I loved Jake, but I wasn't _in_ love with him. And he deserved someone who could feel for him the way I felt for Edward; someone who could love him completely, without any restraint or hesitation; someone who was made for him, the way I'd been made for Edward. Jake deserved nothing less than that.

I realized Edward had been silent through most of our ride. "Where to now?" he asked when he noticed me looking at him.

I smiled. "Home."

His lips twitched. "And when you say home, you mean…?"

I moved over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, sighing playfully. "Didn't we go over this already?" I teased. "Home," I began, kissing his jaw, "is wherever you are."

Half of his mouth turned up. "I just wanted to be clear. I don't want to head in the wrong direction or anything."

I giggled; tickling his jaw with my breath and feeling him shiver. "I think - I think we're finally headed in the right direction."

He sighed, both corners of his mouth turning up in a grin. "I think Charlie might put out an APB on _me_ soon," he joked.

I drew in a sharp breath, returning to my side of the car, but holding tight to his hand. "Charlie might have a hard time getting used to this at first. But my dad loves me and trusts my judgment. And when he sees how happy I am, he'll accept it," I finished confidently. "I want him to see how happy I am by your side before…before we have to leave."

Edward reached out and grabbed my hand. I waited for him to turn and look at me with unsure eyes. But it never happened. We'd _both_ made the decision, and we trusted each other enough not to question it any longer.

The muted sun was beginning to set as we arrived back at the still-empty Cullen house. We'd stopped quickly in town to pick up Chinese food for me, receiving curious, not-so-covert glances from some of the familiar townspeople as they spotted Edward and me together.

There would be talk; that much was sure.

I'd finally called Charlie while Edward quickly ran into the market for some groceries for me. He wasn't happy at all. He couldn't understand what I was doing with Edward while Jake lay hurt at home (after having been attacked by a wild animal). I explained as best as I could, telling him that Jake and I had broken up, and that he'd have to trust me that I knew what I was doing. Charlie almost blew a gasket when I informed him I wouldn't be coming home again tonight.

"Are you just moving in with him now?" he yelled into the phone. I pulled the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid going deaf. I couldn't blame him for being upset though. To him, as well as to anyone else, it probably looked bad. Like I'd just dumped Jake to shack up with Edward. They didn't know how agonizing the decision had been. They didn't understand that being apart from Edward, for even one more day, would've been pure torture now.

"Dad, I know it's hard to understand. But you have to trust me. Edward and I…we have a lot to talk about, to settle. I'll be back in a few days," I promised, trying to mollify him.

Charlie was quiet for a few moments, and I started to worry that maybe I'd pushed him too far and he'd hung up on me. When he finally spoke again, his voice was low and resigned. "Bella, you're a grown woman now. I can't tell you what to do, or who to give your heart to. I…I just want what's best for you."

"I know dad," I murmured. "Please. Believe me. This _is_ what's best for me. And what's best for Jake as well, as hard as that may be to understand. It wouldn't have been fair of me to stay with him when I didn't feel for him what he needed me to."

Charlie was quiet again. "Well, you're right about that. I gotta admit, when your mom left, well…it was hard, but I wouldn't have wanted her to stay with me outta pity. She deserved better than that. _I_ deserved better than that."

My throat constricted. I hadn't expected my dad's words. He wasn't a man prone to sharing his feelings.

"Dad, you know I love you right?" I wasn't sure how much longer I had to tell him those words.

Charlie chuckled into the phone. "Yes, Bells. I know that. And I love you too baby." I heard him take in a deep breath. "And as much as I hate to admit it, I can tell that numbskull you're hanging around with regrets his stupidity from a few years ago." I smiled into the phone. "I guess we all make mistake Bells," he admitted.

"Thanks dad," I breathed.

"Yeah well. You just make sure he treats you right this time Bells. And remind him that I've got a gun and a license to use it," he added in a rougher tone. "Even though I already reminded him myself this morning."

"Dad, you didn't," I begged.

"Yes, I did," Charlie confirmed proudly.

After promising him I'd check in again tomorrow, Charlie and I hung up, just as Edward returned to the car, carrying two huge bags of groceries in each hand. "Everything okay?" he asked with a twitch of the lips. I wondered just how much he'd heard.

But now, standing in Esme's huge kitchen, reaching into the huge pantry while Edward and I put away the groceries he'd just bought, I found myself wondering something completely different, and suddenly feeling extremely nervous.

Edward and I were alone.

Completely alone.

His family wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. And now that we'd finally settled everything, now that there was no more confusion, or misunderstandings between us, now that we knew exactly how much we loved each other, how much we wanted each other, what came next? Was I ready for what came next?

"Would you like anything else to eat?" Edward asked as he put away the last of the groceries.

"Um, no thanks." I'd throw up if I tried to eat now, what with all the butterflies I suddenly had floating around in my stomach.

Edward slowly walked closer to me, gazing into my eyes. The butterflies went even wilder. "Would you like to…take a walk by the river?"

I swallowed before nodding dumbly, unable to speak when he looked at me that way.

The night air was warm as Edward led me outside through the back sliding doors. There was a light mist in the air, enough to mix with the warmth and make it downright humid tonight. I could feel my top sticking to my skin almost immediately. Edward took my hand as we walked quietly towards the river, and I was instantly grateful for the contact, his cool touch helping to relieve my overheated palm. It was extremely quiet, the only sound was the lapping of the river over the embankment, and I let its sound soothe my nerves and guide me in the darkness, even though it was unnecessary. Edward could see as clearly in the dark as he could in the daylight.

The half moon up above shone bravely through the unforgiving clouds, throwing off enough light so that if I squinted enough, I could make out the twinkles of a few stars scattered around the ebony sky. The light breeze that occasionally made its way through the trees and fauna brought with it little comfort, carrying nothing more than warm air. I found myself wishing I could go swimming in the sparkling river.

We stopped in front of the strangely quiet Sol Duc. Edward lay out the large blanket he'd brought along for us to sit on, and took my hand to help me sit. He then sat behind me, pulling me between his legs and bringing my back flush against his marble chest. His arms encircled my waist. He brought his head down to rest in the crook of my neck. The nearness to the river, as well as the natural coolness of his body, brought instant relief from the stifling humidity.

"Heaven," he murmured into my neck, sending a flurry of goose bumps up and down my flesh.

"Yes, it is beautiful out here," I agreed quietly.

He chuckled once. "I wasn't talking about our surroundings. But I suppose, considering all other things, it does add to the perfection of the night."

I turned my head to look at him, and when he brought his face up to meet mine, I saw the same dark intensity that had been in his eyes earlier, behind Charlie's house. He moved his face closer to mine, until our lips were nearly touching.

"Bella," he whispered, "I still can't believe that you're here with me. That we're together again. It seems like an impossibility." He inhaled deeply. "I keep expecting to wake up, to open my eyes and find that I was dreaming, even though I know there's no possible way that I can be. I've wanted you for so long, and it doesn't seem real that I can really hold you now," his arms tightened around my waist, "that I can touch you now," he brought a hand up to caress the side of my face, "that I can kiss you now," his lips ghosted gently over mine, sending a wave of pleasure from the top of my scalp all the way down to the tips of my toes. He lingered there momentarily, as if waiting for some sort of confirmation from me.

I thought back to what Emmett and Jasper told me last week, after the dance. About what Edward had gone through those first few months after he left; imagining me with him, desperately trying to hold on to an imagined reality. I wondered if that's what it seemed like to him now.

I brought a hand up to cup his face, letting him feel the heat from my hand on his cool skin. The reality of my touch. I spoke against his lips. "I'm here Edward. This isn't a dream, or our imaginations playing with our deepest desires. This is me. This is you. This is both of us. Together. The way we were meant to be."

I thought of my latest dreams then. The ones that told me how right this moment was. That I belonged here, tonight, with Edward. That out of our love would flourish something beautiful and unimaginable. I let that knowledge fill me with the confidence to speak my truest feelings and my deepest desires to Edward.

"I'm yours Edward. Here. Now." I swallowed audibly, but continued. "I've wanted you for so long too. And now…now you can have any part of me that you want. Whenever you want," I confirmed to him.

Suddenly, I wasn't sitting between his legs anymore. Suddenly, I was lying over the blanket, and Edward was over me, supporting his weight with one hand. He ran his other hand through my hair before bringing his index finger to trace along my eyes, then down and around my lips, along my collar bone, and finally trailing down slowly to the top of my now-heaving chest. His eyes wandered the route his finger traced, and when he stopped, he brought them up to meet mine.

And the look on his face was unmistakable. His eyes smoldered with a desire so deep that it sent a shot of the most intense heat possible all the way up to my scalp, until I felt like I would burst into flames just from his gaze. For a split second, I wondered if I was ready for this, for Edward's intense desire. But I needed him now as much as he needed me. I wasn't going to hold back.

I brought my arms up and pulled him down to me, our lips locking together almost forcefully. Edward moaned when our bodies made contact, and the sound sent another shiver through me, which did things to the way our bodies were lined up, and suddenly the sounds were coming from my mouth. But I couldn't care enough to feel embarrassed.

My hands roamed all over his body, tugging on his wild hair, down to his powerful shoulders, trailing down his lean, muscular sides, until they finally rested over his hips. And the feel of him over me, so close to me, made me all the more desperate to have him closer.

'_More!'_ my mind screamed.

'_More!'_ my body agreed.

Until my hands were pulling him down impossibly closer, needing to feel his body as one with mine.

"I need you so much Bella," Edward half-moaned, half murmured against my lips. One hand rested under my head, supporting it up, while the other followed the same path my hands had just followed on him. When he reached my hips, he slowly let it trail back up my torso, carefully bringing my shirt up with it, until his hand rested right at the top of my rib-cage. His fingers moved around experimentally all across my overheated mid-section, exploring and caressing me gently, and igniting desires and sensations in me that made my eyes roll into the back of my head. I couldn't think, I couldn't breath, I could barely even see straight anymore. I closed my eyes, letting the sensations take over. My breathing became erratic, and I gripped Edward tightly, letting the feel of his hard shoulders ground me. _'More!' _I begged in my mind, too lost in the sensations to speak and praying that for once, Edward could read my mind and know exactly what I needed.

And somehow, he must have. Because abruptly, both of his hands came back to my hips and he gripped me and pulled me in unimaginably closer, sending deeper sensations traveling down my body, until I thought I'd go mad. Instinctively, I bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep from embarrassing myself even more.

And suddenly, he was off of me. So quickly that I drew in a large gasp of air, as if someone had knocked the wind out of me. I opened my eyes and sat up. Edward was kneeling opposite me with a wild look in his eyes. He was breathing visibly hard while he ran a frustrated hand through his messy hair.

"Bella, I…I'm sorry," he whispered in a defeated voice. "I don't think I can do this with you. At least not _right now._"

With one hand across my chest, I struggled to regulate my breathing again while trying to keep the disappointment out of my face. "It's okay Edward," I reassured him, struggling with the old feelings of insecurity that were threatening to resurface.

"It's not that I don't want to love," he tried to explain. "Please believe that. On the contrary, the problem might be that I want you _too_ much right now." I quirked my head to the side, confused.

He took a deep breath and continued explaining himself. "I'm…afraid. Afraid that in my intensity, in my uncontrollable desire for you, I may hurt you. You have to understand, I've wanted you for so long Bella, and being here with you like this now…I was losing control. And _I have to be under control._ You're so soft and fragile, and…" He looked away, ashamed.

Understanding slowly came to me. I took a deep breath. Okay, he wanted me a little too much. _That_, I could live with. Slowly, I reached out to him, taking one of his hands in both of mine.

"It's okay Edward," I tried to comfort him again, feeling more confident myself now. He looked so upset, so frustrated with himself, and I couldn't bare that. "We've waited this long. It doesn't have to happen right away." He looked up at me, searching my eyes.

I thought of my dream again, taking comfort in the knowledge that it _would_ happen. "Edward, this is something that has to feel right to the both of us. And we'll both know when that moment arrives." He smiled at me, and I felt him relax slightly. I scooted closer to him on my knees and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Like you said before, as long as I can be in your arms, I'm in heaven," I reminded him. And it was true.

His arms slowly came around me then. When he pulled away, he didn't look upset any longer. Gently, he took me and lay me down on the blanket, lying down next to me. We lay there for a long time, simply staring at each other, amazed and content with just the fact that we were together once again.

_The beautiful bronze-haired angel was gazing up at the clear, star-filled sky with a look of quiet wonder, while I looked over, watching in awed amazement. Just then, the angel turned to gaze in my direction, and a melodious laughter that had only ever been rivaled by one other escaped the angel's lips. The sound filled me with more joy than I'd ever thought possible. The angel said something then, but I couldn't hear the words. They were muffled by the sound of the huge, white waterfall cascading loudly in the background. But even though I couldn't hear the words, I could __**feel**__ the emotions they resonated in me. They were words that had been spoken to me many times before in my existence; by my mom very often; by my dad, not as often but with as much feeling, and by the only other person who knew me as well as the bronze-haired angel lying next to me. But somehow, hearing those same words from this angel brought with them a completely different set of emotions. They were feelings of deep fulfillment and pride, and the knowledge that no matter what else, no matter what ever happened in this universe, I'd done at least this one thing right in my life, to have this perfect angel speak those words to me. We both turned our eyes back up to the starry, night sky._

I opened my eyes. I was still lying on the blanket by the river, looking up at a dark sky very similar to that in my dream, although the stars were harder to see through the cloud-cover that hadn't been present in the dream. But for some reason, the night didn't seem as dark as it had when I'd fallen asleep. I sat up and looked around, my first thought was that somehow, the stars had fallen from the sky. I was now surrounded by hundreds of twinkling little lights, casting a wonderful glow across the river and lighting the clearing like a surprise meteor shower.

Candles. Hundreds of small, white candles filled the entire river bank with a glowing incandescence, the beauty of the night taking my breath away. My eyes adjusted enough to the light so that out of the trees, I saw Edward approaching me slowly, but with a sure determination. His eyes glowed in the reflection of the dozens upon dozens of candles he'd lit while I slept, dreaming of our future. I wanted to speak, to thank him and tell him how beautiful he'd made this night, to tell him how special he made me feel, to tell him how much I loved him and treasured him, and how, for as long as I existed, this night would be burned into my mind like a flame from one of these candles; my own personal shooting stars. But I couldn't. I couldn't open my mouth to say one word as I watched the most beautiful man in the world approach me, gazing at me with so much love and devotion that I couldn't understand what I'd ever done to deserve him.

Leaning into me slowly, he placed one sweet, lingering kiss on my lips before raising his head to meet my eyes. "Now it feels right," he whispered, his golden eyes twinkling like one of the candles surrounding us.

And then gently and tenderly, he took me into his arms.

**Okay, so some of you hate me right now for the fade to black. Sorry! But this is a T rated story! If you want something with a little more Oomph!, make sure you check out my new story tomorrow, "This Is Who I Am." And put me on Author and Story Alert!**

**We're getting close here guys. Only a handful of chapters left, but still lots of unexpected turns you guys will never expect. Let me know what you thought of this chapter. How much do you hate me for the 'fade to black' at the end? Sorry! (dodges cream pie to face). Hit the Review button and let me know. I'm trying to get above the thousand review mark before the end of the story. Help me out here please and thank you!**


	28. Chapter 29 Three Days' Grace

**A/N: Alright, so some of you hated the 'fade to black' in the last chapter, some of you were fine with it. As I said, this is a T rated story; I couldn't very well go change it so close to the end. And besides, I've got a deal to make all of you…**

**I'd like this story to hit 1000 reviews before it ends. **_**If**_** that happens, then I may be convinced to post an outtake for that little scene by the river. Just saying. Anyone want to leave a review now?**

**Thanks to my lovely Betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724. We're almost there girls! Thanks for sticking with me this long.**

**All (well, most) characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Enjoy a little levity before the crap hits the roof. Things **_**will **_**get dark again. (At least for a bit).**

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**Chapter 29 - Three days' grace**

**EPOV**

"For the love of all that's holy Bella, just pick a spot!" I could hear Emmett yelling from the backyard of our house.

'_Ed man, you've got yourself the most demanding little human in the history of humans here! Jeez, and I thought my Rosie was difficult! Do us all a favor and just turn her already so she can carry her own crap back and forth! Oh, and all that organic crap stinking up the kitchen is sooo not cool either! I don't know how much longer I can take this before I turn her myself!'_

He was teasing. I could hear it in the tone of his thoughts. And if that wasn't enough, I could see it in the twinkle of his eyes whenever he'd look at Bella, whether as she rushed off to the bookstore in the mornings, or to La Push in the afternoons to check on Jake's progress, or as she busied herself in the kitchen preparing herself a meal in the evenings (which admittedly, did stink like holy hell, but she appeared to enjoy them).

And besides, it had only been three days.

The three most glorious, heavenly, wonderful and perfect days of my long existence.

"I don't know if I want Edward and Charlie at the same table," Bella explained; her excuse for having Emmett lug another patio table out from the storage shed out back. "My dad's still not too crazy about my being over here, and I don't want him taking it out on Edward." She paused for a moment before continuing in a lower voice, as if somehow that would prevent me from hearing every word she said. "Don't tell Edward, but I'm not so sure Charlie won't try to knock him out tonight, and I want there to be enough room between both of them so I can get in between in case something should happen. I think we both know that wouldn't end well."

Emmett chortled, watching her with amusement. He matched her low voice when he answered, playfully mocking since he knew I could hear every word spoken, and in his case, even those that weren't. "No, I don't think it would end well if you're father decimated every bone in his arm and hand if he tried to swing at Edward. Not to mention that it would be a real bitch to explain."

'_Is she for real?'_ he asked incredulously. _'Does she really think that just because you're at the front of the house you won't hear her if she lowers her voice to a whisper?' _He snorted to himself_. 'She is too damned cute!' _

"Stop teasing her Emmett." I was currently engaged in repaving the driveway and setting up two long rows of solar lights leading from the turn into the house all the way up to the driveway. Preparations for Charlie's visit tonight.

Bella was convinced that Charlie and I needed to make peace now that she and I were back together; she wanted him to see how 'happy I made her'. She needed him to accept our relationship and know that she'd made the right choice; the _only_ choice for her. It would bring him a sense of peace, she hoped, when the day came for us to disappear.

These were all her words, not mine. While I would've loved nothing more than to have Charlie's approval and blessing – I recalled seeing, through Charlie's own memories, how ecstatic he'd been when Jacob let him know of his intentions to ask Bella to marry him – I was also realistic. I'd hurt Bella deeply, and she'd hurt for a long time. It was going to take more than a good meal from Bella and Esme and decent conversation from the rest of us to win Charlie's approval. And while some part of me fantasized about asking Charlie for his daughter's hand in marriage tonight, I didn't want to give the man a coronary. That, unfortunately, was closer to the reaction I'd expect to _my_ request.

Nevertheless, it was important to Bella that we _at least try_ to make peace with Charlie; and that made it important to me.

I affixed the stakes of the small solar lights in a straight line on either side of the driveway leading up to our house, illuminating the dark pathway that usually kept our house well-hidden, discouraging unwanted guests. I smiled to myself, reading Jasper's thoughts of me right now, as he watched me from his seat on the front porch with Alice.

'_Dude'_ – he snickered – _'you are so whipped. All Bella has to say is 'jump' and you say, 'Yes ma'am. How high?'_

As if that weren't the case between him and Alice. Nevertheless, I couldn't care less. As much as they all teased, I knew it was all in fun, because they all enjoyed having Bella with us _almost_ as much as I did.

I thought back to that night, that _glorious_ night a few short days ago, when Bella and I first made love. Flashes of that perfect moment flooded my mind. The way her soft, creamy white arms held on to my shoulders tightly, her half-lidded, rich, brown eyes and the way they opened and closed slowly, lost to new sensations. The sweet and tender words and sounds coming from her lips. The way her long hair cascaded over her shoulders, enveloping us both in a curtain of our own world.

A pleasant and now familiar feeling began in the pit of my stomach.

"Uh oh!" Jasper laughed, squeezing Alice's hand. "Alice darlin', I think you'd better go back there and warn our little Bella." He signaled with his thumb towards the back yard. "From the feel of things out here, I'd say Edward's startin' to feel pretty darn frisky, if you know what I mean."

"Ew! Jasper! I so did not need to know that!" Alice hissed.

I looked up and smirked at them, shaking my head.

It had been constant teasing since the rest of my family had gotten home early that next morning. I'd carried Bella back to our room (yes, it was _our_ room now) after she'd fallen asleep once again, in my arms this time. She'd been so exhausted she didn't even stir as I placed her gently on our makeshift bed, covering her with the warm blankets I'd gathered for her and lying down next to her over the blankets, making sure she wasn't cold. Watching her as she slept soundly, with a small smile on her perfect lips, I marveled at the fact that this beautiful woman had given herself to me so wholly.

In that moment, I felt like the luckiest being to ever walk this planet.

That is, until I'd heard my family approaching a few hours later.

'_Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! Can I wake her up now Edward? I want to know everything! Well, not exactly everything, if you know what I mean. I can do without a few details. But others…like what exactly she was dreaming about by the river, why'd she wake up with that weird smile? And how come you didn't get her something from my room to wear instead of Rosalie's; you know my clothes fit her better!' _Alice thought more indignantly. '_And why didn't she tell me what she was thinking when we were at the bookstore? And-'_

I closed my eyes, tightening my hold around Bella and trying to tune out Alice's incessant ranting.

Impossible.

Emmett was the first one through the door. "Quick! Somebody call 911! There's been a robbery!" The huge smile on his face belied the urgency in his tone.

Rose ran in behind him. "What? What robbery?" she asked, looking around to see if it was true that someone had been unlucky enough to break into a vampire home.

Upstairs, I threw my head back on the black couch and groaned, running my hand down my face in frustration while I listened to Emmett's thoughts; knowing exactly what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"It's Edward!" he laughed. I could see the confused looks on the rest of my family's faces as they quickly made their way into the house. "Someone's stolen his virtue!"

Giant roars of laughter erupted at my expense.

I was downstairs before them in a fraction of a second.

They didn't even try to hide their amusement, while their golden eyes sparkled with excitement at having Bella under our roof. I tried to control the wide smile that was threatening around the corners of my own mouth.

"A few ground rules," I hissed nonetheless. Better to start them off on the right foot, lest they make my Bella uncomfortable with their incessant practical jokes and clowning around.

Six pairs of eyes watched me, wide-eyed and more than a little amused rather than intimidated. This did not bode well for me.

"I know you have lots of questions," I began sternly, "but you have to-"

"Well, I sort of already filled them in on a lot of the details," Alice interrupted.

I glared at her.

"Ooh! Yuck! No! Not those details! I do have my limits Edward, you know! I'm not like a voyeur or something!"

'_No. Not exactly'_, I thought. _'But pretty close.'_

"Yes, Edward. She spared us the gory details, thank goodness," Rose added dryly, rolling her eyes and raising a hand in front of her to examine her manicure – still immaculate despite a weekend of hunting in the wilderness. With her bare hands. "Not all of us are dying for every detail of your sordid sex life." _'That is, now that you seem to have a sex life,' _she amended mentally.

"Speak for yourself, Rosie," Emmett laughed.

Rose raised an eyebrow at me. _'You think you've got it bad? See what I have to deal with?'_

"We've had to put up with decades of this guy's sulking and brooding," Emmett went on. "I think we're entitled to some details now that he's experienced…how shall I say…?"

"Happy times?" Jasper finished suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at me.

Emmett snickered. "Oooooh, yeah!"

I glared at them murderously, making them all laugh even more.

"Sorry Edward," Jasper cried through his chuckles. "It's just hard to take you seriously when you're standing there in your underwear and a sweet sparkle in your eyes."

More eruptions of laughter. Even my mother gave up trying to keep a straight face.

"If I didn't know better" – Jasper continued- "I'd say you were blushing. I think Bella's starting to rub off on you."

Emmett almost collapsed on the floor from his outburst. I groaned again, hearing in his mind how he'd interpreted Jasper's words.

He attempted to speak through his howls. "Bella's…rubbing…off…on…"

"Enough!" I growled. "Bella's sleeping and I do not want her waking up to all of you cracking jokes at our expense! You know how reserved she can be. I don't even know how I'm going to coax her out of our room once she realizes you're all home-"

I was interrupted by Bella's hoarse, yet excited voice from the landing above. "Alice! Rose! Esme! You're all home!" All our eyes moved towards the voice.

Bella quickly and carefully made her way down the staircase. On the last step, she tripped over the blanket she'd draped around herself and started falling forward, but Alice, closest to the landing, caught her.

"Bella!" Alice screeched happily. All three women surrounded her.

"Surprise!" Bella exclaimed rather sheepishly.

They four women giggled and whispered like little schoolgirls. Abruptly, Alice hooked her arm around Bella's and turned her around, leading her back up the stairs with Rosalie and Esme following them.

"Well, I wasn't absolutely sure, but just in case you were to decide on Edward, I've made some preparations. First off, your new bedroom set is being Fed Ex'd later this morning. Also, I've been setting aside some things you might need, bathroom essentials, beauty products, and such. Edward hasn't noticed, but I've been making room in his closet for your stuff, not that you'll be bringing much of what you have in your current closet over here. We've got lots of shopping to do! Oh Bella, if you'd let me know sooner we could've had it all ready for you. But no," Alice pretended to be put out, "you had to wait until we were all gone. And-"

Alice went on and on. I watched Bella retreat back up the steps with my sisters and mother; wondering whether she needed to be rescued from them. Bella turned around then, as if she'd sensed me watching her. She gave me a smile and a shrug, but her face radiated happiness. I could tell she already knew that sooner or later, she'd have to deal with my sisters and mother – I guess she'd figured sooner would be better than later.

Once they were out of view, I turned back to my brothers and father. They all snickered.

'_Edward, you have no idea how much trouble you're in for, especially with my little Alice as Bella's guide!'_

'_Did you just call Bella reserved? The girl came out of your bedroom sporting a blanket and I'd venture to say not much else under it. I'd say quiet little Bella has gone the way of the dinosaurs. And you're virtue.'_

'_Edward son, I think you'd better just accept your brothers' good-natured ribbing for the time being. You know we're all just really happy for you. For both of you.'_

I drew in a deep breath and shook my head, resigned. If this was the worst I'd face from now on, with Bella at my side, then teasing or not, life would be utterly perfect. Well, except for one thing.

I crossed my arms. "Thanks for the thoughts of encouragement. But now that the women are filling Bella in on the rules of the Cullen household, we have more serious issues at hand."

The atmosphere shifted immediately.

"How is Jacob?" Carlisle asked.

"His wounds appear to be healed, for the most part. But he hasn't regained consciousness. I'm afraid his condition is beyond me," I admitted.

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "I'll shower and change, and be on my way to check on him." He looked at me questioningly. "Do we still have permission from his father to cross their lands?"

I nodded.

"What about the dirty dog that caused his injuries?" Emmett asked, scowling. All trace of humor gone. "Have they found him yet?"

I shook my head slowly; an identical scowl to Emmett's reflected on my face. "I spoke to Seth a couple of hours ago. The pack is still refusing our help, even though their trail has run cold."

Jasper hissed. "Thick-headed mongrels. Don't they realize that traitorous dog needs to be put down just like the animal he is? In my day, traitors were shot on sight."

I looked towards the windows, gazing at the muted sun rising in the clouded sky. When I spoke, my voice was low and even, despite the fury brewing inside me. "I don't want to upset Bella any more than she already is due to Jacob's condition. We'll give the pack some more time to deal with the problem themselves." I looked back at my brothers and father. "But if they don't find him-"

Emmett cut me off, finishing my sentence. "Then it's open hunting season on the overgrown dog." He bumped fists with Jasper.

"In the meantime," I added, interrupting their thoughts on how to best dismember a werewolf, "Bella is not to be left alone for a second. I will not take any chances with her again." My mind replayed every moment that I'd failed her over the years, from the incident with James, to her being hunted by Victoria, to now, with the dog.

"Don't worry Edward," my father reassured me. "Between the seven of us, we'll keep Bella safe."

I was interrupted out of my flashback by Charlie, whose cruiser was now making the not-so-dark-anymore turns leading towards the house.

'_Don't know…agreed to this. Only because…important…Bella…..better treat her….'_

Charlie seemed to be looking forward to this dinner about as much as I was. Oh well. As humans often said, it was time to get this show on the road.

I stood off to the side as Charlie slowly drove the cruiser up the driveway. _'Yeah, you'd better move off to the side,'_ Charlie thought. _'Just in case my foot accidentally slips and I hit the gas and ram this car right into your pretty little face there.'_ I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. The cruiser would be the one who'd fair the poorest in that situation. I sincerely hoped this wasn't the general vein of tonight's thoughts.

Charlie brought the cruiser to a stop and stepped out of the car. I noticed he still wore his Police Chief uniform. His gun sat holstered to his belt.

'_Yeah, that's right there buddy. I brought my gun with me. Hasn't been shot in years, but you don't need to know that there, do you?'_ he chuckled to himself.

I disguised my own chuckle by clearing my throat. "Charlie." I gave him a slight nod in greeting, hoping he didn't hold my failure to shake his hand against me. I didn't think he'd appreciate shaking an ice glacier. "Really glad you made it out tonight," I said sincerely. If nothing else, I wanted to at least be able to put his mind at ease regarding Bella. His thoughts showed me how concerned he'd been about her for the past few days.

Charlie pursed his lips, glaring. "Yeah, well. Bella said your mom would be really offended if I didn't come. And _I_ for one don't like hurting and disappointing a good woman." _'A lesson you'd better have learned if you know what's good for you.' _He watched me closely, his mind completely blank for a few moments. After a couple of seconds, he arched his eyebrow, still glaring.

"Um, yes sir. I understand." I nodded nervously.

Finally, he brought his eyebrow down and nodded, his lips still pursed. "Yeah we'll see about that," he finally grumbled, walking away from me towards the house.

I breathed in deeply and followed him. Jasper and Alice stood on the porch to greet him, barely able to restrain their laughter.

Yes. It was definitely going to be a long evening.

As glacial as he'd greeted me, Charlie was nothing but warm towards the rest of my family, albeit his usual quiet and reserved self. He'd obviously missed Bella over the last few days. Never a man to show much affection, he greeted Bella with a one arm hug, but his eyes and thoughts reflected his true feelings, and from the smile on Bella's lips, I knew she understood. Had she not, I would've been available to tell her his thoughts – although somewhat muddled – upon his departure.

Bella and Esme prepared an interesting looking meal for the evening, and Charlie and Bella appeared to enjoy it while the rest of us surreptitiously disposed of it, forkful by painstaking forkful, under the table into waiting trash bags. Bella had planned the seating arrangements, setting up two tables in the back yard under our large pergola; one where Charlie, Bella and my mother and father sat, and another one next to it for the rest of us. Once the main meal was over, I helped Bella bring out the rather strange-looking dessert she'd prepared; something called Baked Alaska. An oxymoron if I'd ever heard one. My family and I all passed on dessert, claiming to be too full from the delicious meal. Charlie dug in happily.

Throughout the night, Charlie's eyes wandered towards me periodically, but he'd yet to address me directly since he'd arrived. I could tell Bella was getting a bit anxious, having wanted tonight to be about her father and I somehow working out our issues. I caught her watching me nervously and I gave her a soft, encouraging smile.

Charlie's words were so fast and sudden that I hadn't even had time to pick them out of his head. "So Edward, do you plan on making an honest woman out of my daughter, or what?"

"Dad!" Bella cried, her face turning a dark shade of crimson. Around the table, I could hear quiet gasps and surprised snickers from my siblings. Emmett excused himself quickly, running into the house as quickly as humanly possible. _'Sorry Ed, but if I stay I'll bust a gut right in your future-father-in-law's face.'_ He'd barely made it inside before I heard him howling.

"What Bells?" Charlie asked innocently. "It's an honest question. It's not like you and Edward here just met or anything. If it were, I'll tell you right now, there's no way in hell I'd be letting you stay here. Not that I'm all that crazy about it now, but I'm trying to be open-minded." Bella buried her face in her hands, mortified. "I think I have a right to know what Edward's intentions are, now that he's convinced you to give him another chance."

"Oh Dad," Bella moaned, her voice muffled by her hands. "You can't just-"

"No Bella. You're dad's right," I interrupted, desperate to make things right, for her sake. "He has a right to be concerned, after everything that's happened. I'm sure he's a bit confused too."

Charlie nodded emphatically.

I turned to face Charlie. "Chief, I know you have no reason to trust in me, or to believe anything I say. I suppose only time will show you what my true feelings are for your daughter, what they've _always_ been. I love Bella more than my own life. I would go to the ends of the earth and back for her. It was only my own stupid doubts and insecurities that took me away in the first place, and that kept me away for so long. But I assure you sir, as I assured you over the phone the other morning, and as I will continue to assure you for as long as I need to - for I realize I have no one but myself to blame for your hesitation at trusting me with your daughter's heart. I have nothing but the most honorable intentions towards Bella." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella drop her hands from her face, gazing at me intently. "I will forever be at her every beck and call, and I will do everything in my power to be the man she deserves."

Charlie's face remained blank, his lips in a tight line. In his mind though, I could hear him calming down. _'Just make her happy…all I ask. She's…girl…_

I answered his unspoken plea. "I assure you Charlie, I plan to spend the rest of my days making your daughter happy." I stood and walked over to Bella, kneeling to her eye level. Her eyes widened in surprise. "And when the day comes when she's ready to officially make me the luckiest being walking this Earth, I promise you Chief, you will be one of the first to know." Bella's eyes softened and she smiled, pulling me into her arms. I wrapped my arms around her obligingly.

'_Well, I'll be. I swear, sometimes it's as if he can read minds or something._'

I chuckled into Bella's hair.

"What?" she whispered.

"I'll tell you later," I whispered back.

The next day was spent much the same as the previous two. I drove Alice and Bella to the bookstore in the morning. Bella had forbidden me from 'loitering' in the bookstore – as she called it - during the day, claiming it was distracting to the customers. I wasn't sure if she meant that in a good way or a bad way, but either way, after one of the customers knocked down a whole shelf of hardcover bestsellers as I passed her by, I was officially banned. Luckily, Bella didn't appear to have any such misapprehensions towards Alice's distractions, and so she was allowed to stay. Alice was even given an 'official' job as Bella's Assistant Manager, which unsurprisingly pleased her to no end. It pleased me too nevertheless, because at least Alice would be there all day, every day, to watch over Bella. Until Paul was found, I would make sure one of us was with her at all times.

Bella's other Assistant Manager was still a no-show. Gabby hadn't been around since the night of the graduation dance, almost two weeks ago. Bella called her every day, but Gabby still claimed she didn't feel well enough to come down, and although Bella had originally planned to go see her if Gabby didn't get better, between the store and now going to see Jacob every evening, there just wasn't enough human time. I could tell Bella was starting to get more and more anxious about her human friend. And I hadn't had a chance to prove or disprove my suspicions about what may have happened between Gabby and Jacob at the dance. But with Jacob still unconscious and without actually seeing and speaking to Gabby, I wasn't sure how to do that, and I didn't want to mention it to Bella unless I was absolutely sure.

That evening, while I waited outside the bookstore in my Volvo for Bella and Alice to finish closing up inside, I overheard Bella on the phone with Gabby.

"Gabby but if you're that unwell, maybe you should go to the doctor." I could hear the concern in Bella's voice.

Gabby sounded tired. "I- I just don't think that would help."

But you told me yourself you haven't been out of your house in over a week. What's going on? What exactly do you feel?"

Soft sobbing became audible over the line.

Bella's voice grew frantic. "Oh God Gabby, what is it? Something's wrong, I know it. I don't want to keep pushing you, but you're really starting to scare me here."

Gabby didn't respond, but the soft crying continued.

"Okay." Bella drew in a deep breath. "There's something I really have to do tonight, but tomorrow I'll have Alice watch the store and I'll come see you."

"No!" Gabby cried. "Please Bella! Don't come over here. You're the last person that should be worried about me right now. If you knew- If you knew you'd hate me."

"Hate you?" Bella sounded confused. "Gabby why would I ever hate you? You're one of my best friends and you've been there for me when I've needed you." Bella sighed. "Gabby, things have happened…well…there are some things I've been wanting to talk to you about…to share with you. But you've been so sick, so upset, and I don't want to burden you with my issues."

"Bella, I'm not a friend to you," Gabby whispered into the phone. "At least not a good one. I'm so messed up in the head right now. And the past few days…it's like in the past few days it's gotten even worse. And no matter what I do, I can't escape this feeling, and it keeps getting stronger and stronger."

"Gabby, of course you're a good friend to me. Don't ever say that," Bella corrected her. "And I am coming to see you tomorrow." Her tone left no room for discussion.

But Gabby was just as determined. "No Bella. I'm serious. Don't. I won't open the door."

"Why Gabby?"

"Just-" Gabby took a deep breath. "Look, I'll call you when I'm ready. I promise."

"But Gabby-" Bella pleaded.

"Goodbye Bella." There was a click, and then silence.

Bella was quiet for a few moments. Alice, who'd also heard the conversation, approached her slowly. "I wonder what's going on."

"I don't know," Bella responded. "But I plan to find out."

On our way to Jacob's house that evening, I thought about Bella's conversation with Gabby_. 'I'm not a friend to you…at least not a good one,'_ Gabby had said.

Why would she say that to Bella? What could she possibly think she may have done that would make her a bad friend?

'_If you knew you'd hate me.'_

'_no matter what I do, I can't escape this feeling.'_

My suspicions were growing. What if…?

Later, watching Jacob, who still in a deep sleep; I thought about Gabby again. Would she want to know about this? Would it make any difference to her?

Bella sat in a chair next to Jacob's bed, the same position she'd taken up for the past few nights; keeping vigil until Jacob finally opened his eyes. She read him a book, some comedy she'd picked up at the bookstore that she'd thought Jacob might enjoy. Definitely not a book I would've had any interest in, but I supposed she knew him much better than I ever would. He didn't even flinch as Bella read, what I figured, was supposed to be one of the comedic parts.

There was no medical reason for Jacob to still be unconscious. Carlisle had confirmed it when he'd examined him. And Carlisle had just been here again, checking to see if there was any change in Jacob's condition. For all intents and purposes, he should've been awake right now.

What was he _waiting_ for?

What was it that Billy had said a few days ago? That Jake would wake up when he found what he was looking for.

_Who_ was he looking for?

I decided to tell Bella that night what I suspected about Gabby and Jacob. I still wasn't one-hundred percent positive, but even if there was the slight chance…

I'd drive her to Gabby's tomorrow myself. That is, if she still wanted to go. I wasn't exactly sure how Bella would feel about the possibility that her ex-boyfriend may have imprinted on one of her best friends. Would it hurt her? Would she be upset at Gabby? I understood human emotions a lot better than I had before Bella ever came into my life, even better than I had up until a couple of months ago. But I'd never been able to predict Bella's reactions, and I was sure however she reacted to the news would be a surprise to me.

That night, while I waited impatiently on our new bed for Bella to finish her shower, I debated how to bring up the topic of Gabby and Jacob. Above all, I didn't want to cause Bella any pain. I was sure that Bella loved me, that wasn't the issue. But human emotions were so complicated. I knew that, on some level, Bella still loved Jacob. It may not have been the same type of love she felt for me, but nonetheless, she'd spent the past four years with him. How would she feel to know that, perhaps, another woman owned his heart now? Would she feel the slightest twinge of jealousy? For a split second, I felt a sharp twinge of something gnawing inside of me, but then Bella walked out of the bathroom.

She was wearing a white terry robe, wrapped tightly around her and tied in the front. She'd fashioned a towel around her hair to speed up the drying process. The heat from the water had colored her skin to a light pink, which traveled all the way down to her toes. And as I gazed at her walking slowly towards the middle of the room, I couldn't help but gasping at how beautiful she looked. Bella heard my intake of breath and smiled down at me, her cheeks darkening a shade. One corner of my mouth went up in an automatic grin, chuckling to myself at the fact that, after all we'd been through in the past few days, I could still bring a blush to her lovely cheeks.

Bella must've sensed my thoughts, because instead of continuing her slow walk towards me, she did a ninety degree turn, and headed towards the dresser instead, turning to face the mirror with a sly smile on her lovely lips.

Little minx.

I smirked and stood, walking slowly towards her. She removed the towel from her head, letting her long strands of hair cascade softly down her back. The sweet smell of her shampoo filled my nostrils, and I inhaled deeply as I took the towel from her and proceeded to help her dry her hair.

Bella watched me through the mirror. "Is this what you meant when you told Charlie last night that you'd be at my every beck and call?" she teased.

I grinned, running the towel through her soaking locks of hair. "No. This is closer to what I meant when I said you'd make me the luckiest being on Earth."

She chuckled. "Well, just be careful what you promise my father. He'll hold you to every last one."

"As he should," I confirmed. We were quiet for a few seconds; Bella's eyes still watched me from the mirror. I held her gaze.

"So…since I'm keeping every promise made to the Chief, when _are _you going to let me make an honest woman out of you?" It was Bella's turn to gasp. I smiled widely.

Her mouth opened a handful of times to say something, but each time she closed it with a sharp snap. I watched her reaction with amusement. Downstairs, I could hear squeals of delight from the women in my family. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and tried to ignore them.

Bella finally found her voice. "Is that a proposal?" she asked, her voice slightly shaky but an amused smile of her own forming on her lips now. She thought I was teasing. "Because if it is, I have to tell you, it's not exactly the way-"

I cut her off. Truthfully, I'd been waiting for the right time to ask her. I hadn't planned on saying those words at this moment; they'd just sort of slipped out. It wasn't like I didn't fantasize about making Bella my wife every second of every moment, but I'd wanted to do it right. Perhaps by the river where we'd first…

But if I could get her to say yes to me now, I swore to myself I'd make up for the less than memorable manner in which I'd procured that yes at some future point in time.

"No. That wasn't a proposal," I clarified. She smiled, believing we were done with the topic. "If I were proposing" – I dropped the wet towel on top of the dresser, and proceeded to get down on one knee in front of Bella. Another, larger gasp this time – "I'd get down on one knee. Like this." I looked up into Bella's shocked eyes, and took her tiny left hand in between both of my own. "And I'd take your hand in mine. Like this." Bella's eyes grew wider. Her heart began beating wildly. I held on to her tightly, lest she fall and hurt herself.

Downstairs, the squealing got even louder. Alice was quickly ushering everyone out of the house. "Get out! Get out!" she hissed wildly as she pushed Emmett out the door with the rest of my family. "Give them some privacy!" _'Damn it Edward! You could've given me some sort of warning! You know I still can't see Bella. But I didn't even see this coming from you!'_

Once again, I tried to ignore what was going on downstairs and focus only on Bella, who looked as if she were about to pass out. A part of me couldn't help but wonder again at the reason why Alice still couldn't see Bella's future, even though she'd decided to spend the rest of her existence with me. Alice thought perhaps it had something to do with how much time Bella was still spending with Jacob in La Push. But strangely enough, once Bella left La Push for the night, her future still remained unclear to Alice.

Regardless, I wasn't overly concerned; Bella was always with one of us and, really, Alice's lacking vision gave us some modicum of privacy.

'_Oh Edward! You've got to give me every detail once we get back. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!'_

So much for all that privacy.

Before I could continue with my impromptu, and admittedly, not-so-well-thought-out proposal, Bella appeared to have recovered from her initial shock. But instead of looking elated, the corners of her mouth turned down and I could see tears threatening at the corners of her eyes.

"Would I have gotten a better reaction if I'd had the ring in hand? Because it's in the top shelf in the closet and I can go get it quickly-"

"No Edward. It's not that," Bella tried to explain through a shaky voice. She withdrew her hand from mine and brought it up to run it through my hair. Yet as wonderful as that felt, it was hard to hide the disappointment in my eyes.

"Edward, listen to me," she continued, as if she were the one who could read minds. "You _know _that I love you. And you know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I nodded, my dead heart starting to feel lighter again. "And I do want to take that next step with you," – I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding – "in front of my family. In front of my dad. It's very important to me that he see us married." She smiled apologetically.

I quickly reached up and had her sitting on my lap on top of our bed before she'd had a chance to blink. I hated it when she looked at me like that, as if she'd ever have anything to apologize to me for. With my thumb and forefinger, I brought her face up to meet my eyes, gazing at her.

"Bella love, you can tell me anything. You know that right? I'm sorry if I took you by surprise with this. And I completely understand if you're not ready."

She shook her head quickly. "No Edward. It's not that. I'm more than ready." I smiled widely. "It's just that…I can't…not right now…not while Jake is like this."

Understanding finally dawned on me. Of course it made sense. Knowing Bella as I did, I should've known.

Bella brought a hand up to cup my face. "Its not that I feel guilty for loving you. It's just that…" She looked away, searching for words. Finally, she brought her eyes back to mine. "Its just that, all _my_ dreams are coming true while Jake…just lies there…in limbo."

I took her hand and brought it to my lips, placing one soft, chaste kiss on it. "I understand," I murmured. Because I really did. As much as I wanted my forever with Bella to start right away, this second if it were possible, I knew she needed to know that Jacob would be alright before she took the next steps towards her own happiness. It was just the way Bella was, and it was that sense of selflessness that had been one of the reasons I'd fallen so hard for her in the first place.

'_And if he never woke?'_ a small part of me wondered. Well, I wasn't sure why, but I just didn't think that was the case. Billy's words kept running through my head. _'Jake'll wake up when he finds what he's looking for.'_

I remembered then that there'd been something else I'd wanted to talk to Bella about tonight; something I _had_ planned a little better. With Bella still seated on my lap, I proceeded again, cautiously.

"Bella, there was something else I was planning on talking to you about tonight, besides my failed attempt at a marriage proposal." She smacked me on the arm playfully, because she knew I was just teasing her now.

"Ow," she protested, shaking off her hand.

I chuckled, taking her hand in between mine. "Careful there love."

I couldn't help the tightening of my jaw. I felt Bella stiffen, noting the change in me. Slowly and thoroughly, I recanted the events of the night of the dance to her, including how it fit in with her conversation with Gabby tonight. All throughout, I watched her carefully, ready to stop if I saw her getting too upset. But her face remained calm.

When I was done, I couldn't resist asking. "Does the possibility that Jacob may have imprinted on Gabby upset you?"

It took Bella more than a few seconds to answer, although her eyes never left mine. "No Edward. It doesn't," she finally said. "I just needed a few moments to really understand it. To really see it." She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I just want what's best for him. What's best for _both_ of them. And if what they need is each other, then I would never stand in between that."

Taken completely by surprise -as I'd been sure I would be- by her calm and generous reaction, it took me a few minutes to process what she'd said. But before I could say anything further, Bella's eyes suddenly grew wide, her mouth forming a perfect O as a new thought apparently invaded her mind.

"Edward, what if…" She trailed off, her eyes taking on a far-away look as she continued to think through her latest thought. "What if what Jake needs…the reason he hasn't woken…is because he needs Gabby?" Her voice became more excited. "What if she's the only one that can bring him back from wherever he is?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Like in Sleeping Beauty?"

She smirked, but continued. "Yes. I know how it sounds. True love's first kiss and all that. But why not? All the other tales seem to be true. Vampires, werewolves, mind-readers, visions of the future. Why not this too?"

I tried to ignore the fairy tale implication so I could give Bella's suggestion some serious thought.

I tried placing myself in Jacob's position, although that would be impossible.

But…what if?

What if my mind was lost, trapped somewhere in the in-between. What would it take to bring me back?

What was the only thing that grounded me to this life, to this consciousness?

I immediately knew what the answer was for me. Bella.

She was my all. My everything. My reason for being. The only thing in this world that would be worth coming back for.

If Jacob had truly imprinted on Gabby, why was it so far-fetched that the only thing capable of bringing _him_ back was what was now _his _everything?

Slowly, I nodded. "I suppose it's possible."

In a flash, quicker than I'd ever imagined her being able to move without physically tripping over something and hurting herself, Bella was back by the dresser, pulling out jeans and a t-shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"We've got to go see Gabby. If this is why she's staying away from me…If she's what Jake needs to get better." She slammed the drawer shut and turned to face me. "Don't you see? The sooner we get them together, the sooner they'll both be fine. They can finally be together, and happy-"

In two quick strides I was standing in front of her. Gently I pried the jeans and t-shirt out of her hands, letting them fall to the floor and carefully holding her wrists in my hands securely until I had her complete attention. "Bella love, I know you're anxious for the happily ever after here-"

She rolled her eyes. "Edward, this isn't just about a stupid fairy tale-"

"And I am too." - I continued, ignoring her statement – "But darling, it's past midnight." For the past few days, Bella had been getting to bed rather late. Between work and going to see Jacob, by the time we made it up to our room it was already rather late in the evening, and then we'd spend hours talking and kissing and loving each other. So that by the time Bella finally got to sleep it was usually very late. I tried to feel guilty about keeping her up, but I couldn't resist having her for a few hours to myself in the evenings.

"If we were to go to Port Angeles now to see Gabby, we wouldn't get there until almost one in the morning, even with my driving. And then we have no guarantees that she'll agree to see Jacob." She frowned, giving a weak attempt to free herself from my grip. "We're not even sure if Jacob _has_ imprinted on Gabby. This is all just speculation."

"Of course he's imprinted on her!" Bella insisted. "It all makes sense now! Why Jake was acting so strange the other day by the beach. Why Gabby hasn't wanted to come see me. The things she said on the phone today. We _have_ to go to her. She's probably going crazy, not understanding why she's feeling the way she does. And Jake _needs_ her!"

"We _will_ go to her Bella," I affirmed. "And if she is indeed Jacob's imprintee, we will bring her to him." I brought both my hands up to cup her face now. She looked so anxious, so desperate to fix things for Gabby and Jacob. "But we will wait until morning. Gabby is probably sleeping anyway, and us showing up at her doorstep will just make her more anxious than she probably already is." Bella closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, but I could tell she was ready to give in. "I'll drive you over there early in the morning, after you've gotten some rest. Alice can watch the store for you tomorrow."

I waited for her response, sensing she might actually give in for once. Abruptly, we were both startled by the vibration of my cell phone from on top of my nightstand. Bella's eyes snapped open and she stared at me curiously for a split second before I quickly reached for the phone. The caller ID said Seth. I inhaled sharply, knowing this call was either really good news, or really bad news; because Seth Clearwater would not be calling me past midnight for anything in between.

"Yes Seth?" I answered the phone. Bella came to stand next to me, deep lines of concern creasing her forehead.

"Edward, sorry to call so late man." Seth's apology hid a deeper emotion in his voice.

"That's okay. What is it?"

Seth paused for a brief second before answering. "It's Paul. The pack almost had him by the Canadian border…" He trailed off. "He attacked another one of our brothers. Collin. Our youngest." I closed my eyes, my free hand fisting at my side. "Sam called. They're a few minutes away. He wants to know if you and Carlisle can come take a look at Collin. Looks like he's badly hurt."

"We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Seth breathed into the phone. "Thanks Edward. I knew we could count on you." We both hung up.

Bella stood next to me, a look of deep fear and horror etched in her face. I realized she had no idea what we'd been discussing, and had probably imagined the worst.

"What is it Edward? What happened?" she whispered, terror evident in her tone.

"Paul's attacked another of the pack. Collin." Bella's eyes grew wide and a sob escaped her throat. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth.

"Oh God, Collin's still in high school," she murmured through her hand. "And he's got a little brother." Her voice broke. I quickly took her into my arms, allowing her to cry quietly into my shoulder.

"Seth says Sam's asked for Carlisle and I to come take a look at him. Apparently they're on their way back with him now."

"I'm coming with you," Bella said quickly, moving away from me to pick up the jeans and t-shirt that she'd just been planning on wearing to go see Gabby.

"Bella no." I watched in frustration as she continued pulling on her jeans under her robe, disregarding what I'd said. "Stay here. I'll call you and let you know what's going on."

She didn't answer; just continued to dress herself, pulling her wet hair quickly threw a ponytail. "Bella-"

"Edward." She paused long enough to meet my eyes. I could see the fire and determination in hers. I groaned, knowing there was no way I was going to change her mind. I'd been so close to convincing her to wait until morning to go see Gabby, but nothing was keeping her home now. "I'm coming," she insisted. "So unless you plan on physically tying me down, I suggest we get going."

I pursed my lips and groaned again, nodding my head reluctantly. She moved quickly to throw on a pair of sneakers while I through a t-shirt and jeans on myself.

On our way downstairs, I called Carlisle on his cell phone. I wasn't sure where Alice had ushered them to when they'd left. Luckily, they'd just been a couple of miles away, and met us in front of the house almost immediately. I explained to them what Seth had just told me.

"Edward, I think Emmett and I should come with you," Jasper suggested somberly. "This is getting way out of hand. I think we need to talk to Sam and the pack about strategizing together to take care of Paul once and for all." Emmett nodded his head in agreement.

"Okay," I agreed, feeling uneasy for some reason. Seth said Paul had been by the Canadian border; still too close for my comfort. Something about it made me nervous. Frightened even. My head pounded with one thought. _We had to find Paul, and we had to find him __**now**_.

As the five of us climbed silently into Emmett's truck, I looked over at Bella, who sat holding on to my hand tightly. Silent tears ran down her cheeks, and periodically she'd bring up her free hand to wipe them away. She'd spent a lot of time with the pack after I'd left, and she'd grown really fond of some of them, young Collin apparently being one of them. I squeezed her hand gently, trying to offer her some sort of comfort and support. When she looked up at me, offering me a weak smile despite her pain, the uneasiness I'd felt in front of the house suddenly morphed into a panic so intense, it took all my effort to stop myself from picking her up and carrying her back to the house and physically tying her down, as she'd suggested. I took slow, deep breaths in and out in an attempt to reign in the unexplained panic into something more controllable

Something didn't feel right. I looked down and realized I'd dug a hole with my free hand into the bottom of the car's upholstery.

Something about this whole picture felt wrong, as if I'd made some sort of decision from which there was no turning back. And as I sat there, taking slow, controlled breaths, all I could think of was that, even if it _had_ meant tying her down, Bella shouldn't have come.

* * *

**A/N: Alright guys. I'm figuring a couple more chapters, and then an epilogue. Drop me a line and let me know what you're thinking. Where do you suppose this is heading?**

**Shameless plug for my other story: If you haven't checked it out yet, go read ****'This is Who I Am'****, my latest little story. I'm having lots of fun with it. And it's **_**not**_** T rated…**

**I'd really like to make it to 1000 reviews before the story ends. I think if we all pull together, we can do it! The thousandth reviewer gets a special prize! (Well, you all do, as I mentioned above!)**


	29. Chapter 30 Vendetta

**A/N: Okay guys. We're almost there. I know some of you have expressed concern that things are getting dark again when I claim we're so close to the end. Don't worry. I promise, it'll all work out… **

**I'm doing things a bit different for this chapter. We're starting this one out in Bella's POV, but then we'll change over to Edward's. I'll let you know when the POV changes. And then we'll end the chapter from Bella's POV. **

**Thanks to my Betas, ADgroovy, and Danna0724. This story would be a mess without their sharp eyes and wit. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns most characters.**

**Chapter 30 – Vendetta**

"Son-of-a-*&*#, mother*%#&$, *&$#sucker! That *&$# hurts!" Collin yelled out at the top of his lungs. Carlisle patiently continued his examination, although it was obvious even from my distance a few feet away, that Collin's left leg was already in much better shape than it had been just a few minutes ago. He laid spread out on Billy's small sofa, his right leg hanging off the front edge where Leah and Seth stood over him, trying to keep him still while Carlisle did his best to finish examining him. Still, Collin managed to squirm and writhe disobediently under Carlisle's careful hands, like an unruly five-year old at a doctor's visit.

I rolled my eyes as Collin's stream of obscenities continued. For a werewolf, he was sure acting like a little wuss.

"His left leg is, or rather was, shattered," Carlisle confirmed. "He's got a couple of broken ribs that are already healing, and his left shoulder is dislocated. The shoulder's the only thing he'll probably need help with though. I don't detect any problems with how his body is mending itself." Carlisle's voice was calm and soothing, especially considering he was speaking to a room full of wary werewolves.

"You sure, Doc?" Collin whined. "'Cause it sure hurts like a bitch."

Someone snorted from the right corner of the room, where the other three vampires in attendance stood rigidly off to the side, watching the scene quietly, although the guarded looks on their faces betrayed their motionless exteriors. By the time everyone turned to look at who'd made the sarcastic sound, all three had composed their features into a frozen, blank mask, although the mischievous twinkle in Emmett's eyes pretty much gave him away, to me at least.

"What?" he asked, at my accusatory glare.

"You'll be just fine," Carlisle assured Collin. "By tomorrow, this should all be healed. And once we take care of this shoulder, you'll be as good as new. Just stay in bed for the next twenty-four hours or so, to let your body get back to normal. Or as normal as any of us can ever be," he chuckled while closing his black medical bag.

"I'll need some help holding young Collin down to relocate that shoulder," Carlisle announced, looking around the room. The rest of the werewolves in attendance stared unwillingly back at him, none of them eager to get that close to one of their 'mortal enemies', even to help with Collin's shoulder.

Seth moved forward, smirking towards the left corner of the room, where the rest of the werewolves stood stiffly. "Here Doc, lemme give you a hand."

I moved closer to Carlisle too. "I can help too Carlisle."

In a flash, Edward was at my side, taking my hand and pulling me gently, yet firmly, back. I looked up at him and he was shaking his head at me, his expression calm yet serious.

"No Bella," he said in a firm tone. "You're standing as far back as possible while Carlisle and Seth work on Collin."

"Edward's right Bella," Jasper agreed quickly from behind us. "The wolf might-"

"The wolf might what?" Jared questioned from the other corner of the room. Now that I knew that Collin wasn't in any real danger, I was able to focus on the dynamics surrounding me for the first time tonight. Carlisle, Seth, Leah and Collin were all in the middle of the room, the rest of the werewolves in attendance, Embry, Jared and Brady were crowded into the left corner of Billy's little house, glaring between what was happening with Collin in the middle, and keeping a hard eye on the rest of the vampires in the room, Edward, Jasper and Emmett, at the right hand corner of the room. I felt like I was in the middle of a boxing ring, with the main event just itching to start. Off in a little bedroom to the side, my friend, my Jake, still lay sleeping and motionless with Billy at his side. Sam, the pack leader, and Quil, his second now that Jake still lay unconscious, had stayed behind and send the rest of the wolves back with Collin. Sam was determined to find Paul as soon as possible.

"The wolf might what?" Jared repeated in a hard tone. "Bella's been around us for years, and nothing's ever happened to her. Collin would never hurt her."

"Isn't that what you thought about Paul?" Jasper hissed.

The werewolves started at that, and Jasper and Emmett lowered into a crouch while Edward pulled me behind him so quickly my vision blurred momentarily.

"Enough!" Edward yelled, in a half crouch while keeping his concrete arms around me. "_We_ are not enemies here! Not anymore! The enemy is out there!" He lifted one hand quickly to point outside. "_He's_ the one that's hurt two of your brothers already, and if we want to stop him from hurting anyone else, then we have to try to put aside our differences and work together!"

"We won't work with your kind!" Jared growled. "We don't need your help. We can find Paul on our own." As he spoke, he and the rest of the wolves in the corner straightened up slowly.

Off in the vampire corner, Jasper and Emmett straightened up hesitantly too, although I could tell they were ready to spring in a micro-second. And as much as I struggled to move towards Collin, I might as well have been struggling against a house. Edward's extended arms didn't budge.

"Listen to me," Edward began again. His voice was much more composed now, low and persuasive. I was probably the only one that could hear the frustrated edge to it. "Do you really distrust us so much that you'd rather risk having more of your pack hurt by a man that obviously has no compunction about fighting against men that were once his very brothers? If you trust us, we can help."

"Trust is a two-way street there, bloodsucker," Jared answered. He tried to look past Edward towards me. "And it's pretty obvious to us that you have absolutely no trust in any of us. So why should we have any in you?"

Edward hesitated for a split second. As much as he wanted the werewolves to see reason, he wasn't willing to use me to gain their trust. "You see how my father has helped Collin, and tried to help Jacob. You _can _trust us."

"We've seen your father at work, yes. And I guess you've tried to help Jake too," Jared added begrudgingly, "but those other two there," -he sneered, jerking his chin towards Jasper and Emmett, his eyes trailing warily up and down Emmett's bulging biceps-"haven't given us any reason to trust them. And I know one of them was responsible for that stupid sign right at the border of our lands. That wasn't funny," he hissed.

Emmett chuckled once. Edward's eyes shot in his direction, and although I couldn't see the look on Emmett's face, it was quickly cleared of any humor. He cleared his throat. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Although their definition of humor may leave something to be desired at times," Edward explained, turning back to Jared, "my brothers, as well as my father and myself, are only interested in keeping Paul from hurting anymore innocent people. It's with that goal in mind that we ask you to accept our offer to help find him. And end this mess."

"Like I said, we don't need your help," Jared retorted.

Seth, who'd been standing next to Carlisle and Collin listening to the supernatural exchange, spoke up. "Jared man, isn't it Sam's call whether we accept the Cullen's help or not?"

Jared bristled, turning his sneer towards Seth now, "Seth, don't make me question where your loyalties lie now." His eyes flashed in my direction again, and I heard a low rumble from Edward's chest, "And while yes, it would be Sam's call, Sam isn't exactly here right now to make that decision."

"Then let us accompany you back to the Canadian border," Carlisle asked in a neutral tone. "My sons and I can come along with you to meet up with Sam and your other brother. We can discuss this with him. If he accepts our help, we will stay and help you find Paul. If he doesn't we will return peacefully, and do what we can from our own lands."

Jared didn't respond. Embry and Brady each moved closer to him to whisper something in his ears. Of course, I couldn't hear what was being said, but by the way Edward stiffened in front of me, I knew he wasn't only listening to every word they whispered, but even those that remained in their heads.

"I'm not leaving her," Edward clarified in a definitive tone.

"I'm afraid Jared's right," Seth agreed, looking at Edward apologetically and responding to whatever was being discussed between wolves and vampires to the exclusion of my still human ears. "They don't trust Emmett and Jasper, and Sam doesn't know Carlisle, even if the rest of us can vouch for him. I'm afraid the only one Sam would consider listening to would be you."

Edward's teeth clenched audibly. "Then I'm afraid we'll have to find another solution to finding Paul, because there is no way in hell I'm leaving Bella unprotected."

"But I wouldn't be unprotected," I spoke carefully.

I could feel the apprehension rolling off of Edward in waves. He'd been tense all night, since we'd arrived at La Push. Actually, since we'd left for La Push. I knew that, despite everything that had happened, he still felt uncomfortable having me around so many werewolves. And even though he'd been coming with me all week to visit Jake, he hadn't had to deal with my being around any other werewolves, except Seth, who he'd actually become friends with. He wasn't familiar with the rest of the pack, and the distrust ran deep and apparently both ways.

But I remembered a time, not so long ago, when these wolves had been my only protectors. I owed them my life, and I trusted them with it. True, Paul had broken that trust, but if I was being honest with myself, Paul had never had my trust in the first place. And although I hated the thought of Edward leaving me, even for a few hours, I knew what Seth and the rest of the pack said was true. Sam was stubborn and rigid. He wouldn't take too well to Jasper and Emmett suddenly appearing before him demanding to help take out a werewolf that was once a brother to them, even with Carlisle there. He didn't know Carlisle, and even if Sam didn't particularly like Edward, he at least seemed to respect him, especially after seeing what Edward did for Jake.

I pulled on Edward's arm; he was still facing Jared and the rest of the wolves. I didn't have to pull too hard to get him to turn around to face me. His face was hard and uneasy, and I could see the anxiousness in his eyes. "Edward, I wouldn't be unprotected. Seth and Leah would be here. They're staying with Jake until he's better. And you'd only be gone a few hours."

"No Bella," Edward whispered vehemently, although we both knew everyone in the room could hear us clearly. "Carlisle can speak to Sam. I don't have to go."

"Sam won't listen to Carlisle. You know that."

"Then we leave it to the wolves to find Paul." But he flinched as he said it, as if the idea of leaving Paul loose in the wild pained him.

I sighed, bringing a hand up to cup his marble face. His features softened, but his eyes were still anxious. I smiled at him softly. "Edward, we both know that's not an option for you. You're not the type of person to leave someone as dangerous as Paul loose to hurt others. It's not in you, or in the rest of your family." I turned towards the rest of the people crowded into Billy's tiny living room.

"It's not in any of you to let this go on any longer than it has to. Paul's hurt two of your brothers now. I've known everyone in this room for a really long time," I said, my eyes trailing to each wolf and vampire, "and I know you all have good hearts, regardless of how you feel about each other." I took hold of Edward's hand and squeezed it tight. "I think it's time you put your differences aside and worked together." Quileutes' and Cullens' alike looked down at the floor, but no one said anything.

Abruptly, Edward turned me to face him again. He brought both of his hands up to my face, and his gold eyes burned into mine with an intensity that frightened me. "I won't lose you again Bella. I _can't_ lose you."

I brought my hands up to cover his. When I spoke, I tried to keep my voice even. I didn't want him to go, no more than he wanted to go. But I knew Edward. I knew he'd never forgive himself if someone else got hurt now, if he thought that perhaps he could've done something to stop it. "Edward, you're never going to lose me," I vowed, gazing deep into his eyes and trying to impart some of my faith into him. "I know it Edward. I feel it in my heart. You and I…its forever, Edward." I smiled tenderly at him. He smiled back weakly, as if he were trying really hard to believe the words. "Forever," I whispered more intensely.

He gazed at me a moment longer, and then his mouth turned up in a weak version of my favorite lop-sided smile. "Forever," he agreed.

"Edward, Leah and I, we'll look after Bella," Seth called out.

Leah, who'd been standing just behind Seth, moved close to his side, and although she wore a scowl on her face, she nodded once in agreement.

"Nothing'll happen to her while she's on our lands," Leah confirmed with a sneer.

Edward looked around the room, at all the faces looking at him. I wondered what he was hearing in their minds. He nodded once before his eyes slowly trailed back to me, and I could see both determination and resignation in his perfectly pale features. He stroked my face with his hands. "I'll only be gone a few hours, I swear. I'm just going to talk to Sam; the rest is out of my hands. They'll have to work the rest out without me."

"I know Edward."

He pursed his lips. "And if you need anything while I'm gone, Alice, Rose and Esme are at the house."

I smiled at him. "I know Edward. Go," I encouraged, trying to put up a brave front. "The quicker you go, the quicker you can be back."

He chuckled once, but there was no humor in his eyes. "I'll be back before morning. I promise. You stay here until I come back for you. Don't go anywhere," he demanded his eyes fierce.

"I'll be waiting," I promised. And then not caring that we had an audience, Edward quickly closed the gap between our faces, and his lips met mine with a force that was almost painful; the intensity of it took me by surprise and I struggled to keep up as his lips moved against mine with vampiric intensity, pulling and memorizing my lips and my face almost as if he feared this kiss would have to hold us for more than just a few hours. His intensity made me nervous, though I struggled not to show it. And then I realized that he was probably just upset because we wouldn't be together tonight. He'd gotten as dependent on having my body next to his every night, as I'd gotten to having him holding me as I slept. I already knew I wouldn't be sleeping tonight; not without Edward's arms around me. My arms wrapped around him, pulling myself up against him and the feel of his cool body up against mine; it was all I would get for tonight.

After a few seconds, Edward lowered my feet back to the ground, and although I could tell through my periphery that everyone had avoided their gaze in a different direction, for once, I didn't feel my face flush with embarrassment. I loved Edward, and I didn't care who knew it.

After Carlisle and Seth readjusted Collin's shoulder – to more screaming and cursing – Carlisle joined Edward and his brothers off to the side. Edward looked over towards Jared and the other two werewolves with him.

"Shall we?" he asked.

And though it was hesitant, Jared nodded his agreement. The numbers of wolves available to hunt Paul were decreasing, and Jared knew that. Jacob and Collin were out of commission, and Seth and Leah had been directed to stay in La Push and guard the tribe, as well as their injured pack members. The wolves would be foolish at this point not to accept the vampire's help. I hoped Edward would be able to convince Sam, and quickly, so he could get back to me as soon as possible.

I watched unhappily as the group walked out of the little house, and before Edward stepped out the door, he looked back and his eyes met mine. I could still read uneasiness in his face, but before I could say or do anything, half his mouth turned up in a grin and he mouthed 'I love you.' I smiled back at him and mouthed 'always.' And then he was gone. By the time I moved the little plastic blinds out of the way and peeked through the window, all I caught sight of was the trees swaying back and forth where they'd all taken to the woods; no need for cars in that group.

I sighed and turned around. Collin sat up on the sofa now, rubbing his newly fixed shoulder and moving his arm all around. Seth and Leah sat on either side of him. Leah watched me curiously, her head tilted to one side. "Well, well, well Bella. Just like old times, isn't it?" she teased with a smirk. "Or, not exactly."

I drew in a deep breath, and went to sit on the single chair next to the sofa they were crowded into. "Leah, I know you're not too happy with me right now. But you know I care about Jake, and about the rest of you. We were all really close for a long time, and I hope we can still be friends after all this is over."

Leah pursed her lips, considering this for a moment. "I don't know Bella. That remains to be seen." I knew I wasn't going to get more than that from her right now.

"Bella, thanks for coming," Collin's smile was sincere, his childish good humor was returning slowly, along with his health. And as relieved as I was that he was apparently just fine, a part of me couldn't help but feel envious of his good fortune; because Jake still lay unresponsive just a few feet away.

"I'm glad you're okay Collin," I assured him, patting his leg. He smiled sheepishly.

I stood and addressed the three wolves on the sofa. "I'm going in to sit with Jake for a while." They all looked away from me then and nodded sadly.

As I entered Jake's room, I first let my eyes trail towards the back corner, where Billy usually sat in his wheelchair. There was Billy, asleep now, but still refusing to leave his son's side. It was really late, and I imagined Billy had sat up with Jake all day, as he'd done for the past week, since we'd brought Jake home hurt. I walked over to Billy's side, tapping him gently on the shoulder.

"Billy, I'm here. Go to bed," I whispered. Billy looked up at me and smiled kindly, before wordlessly rolling his wheelchair out of Jake's room.

Once he was gone, I forced myself to look towards Jake; hoping -as I always did whenever I entered this room- that this time I'd find him in a different condition.

But there lay Jake, asleep, as he'd been for days now; dreaming an endless dream that took him far away from here; too far away. I pulled up my usual chair and set it next to Jake, as I had for the past few days now.

"Hey Jake, it's me." I spoke softly, although I'd yell at the top of my lungs if I thought that would make any difference. As usual, there was no response to my greeting. I looked him over, putting one hand through his thick, black hair. "You're going to need a haircut soon," I told him. I ran my hand across his jaw and his chin, feeling the thick stubble that was growing in quickly "and a shave."

Abruptly my thoughts turned to days in the past, when I'd been the one to help Jake shave. He'd tell me his hands were too big and shaky and he'd knick himself if he tried to shave himself. I'd laugh at him as I lathered the shaving cream on his face, knowing very well he could've done it himself; but obliging him any way. That job wasn't mine to do anymore. I thought of Edward, and his smooth, marble face that would never need shaving. But he needed me in a way that no one else in this world ever would; the way only I would ever need him.

When I thought of her, it was as if the conversation Edward and I had just had a couple of hours ago had been a lifetime ago. And I supposed with all the excitement and concern surrounding Collin and then Edward's going up to meet Sam, my priorities had temporarily shifted. Edward was, and always would be, my priority. Even as I sat here with Jake, his unresponsive form so still and quiet, my heart ached for Edward; for his magnetic presence, for his strong arms around me. I'd just…forgotten about everything else.

Gabby.

No. It wasn't my job to take care of Jake anymore, even though I sat here, night after night, talking to him, reading to him, trying to figure out what he needed to wake up. Because he was my friend, and I'd always love him. But my care wasn't doing anything for him anymore.

Would hers?

I looked down at Jake, so still and quiet, yet so familiar. No. He wasn't _my_ Jake anymore. And then I just knew. He was hers. And he needed her. Jake had been there for me for so long, being whatever I needed him to be. Now it was my turn to get him what he needed.

"I'll bring her to you Jake. I promise," I whispered fervently, picking up his steaming hand and closing it between my own. "I'll bring Gabby back to you."

Maybe it was my imagination, but I could've sworn I felt his fingers tighten slightly around my own as I said her name. It was more confirmation than I needed.

I kissed Jake quickly on the forehead, and walked out of the room. When I entered the small living room, Collin and Seth were already fast asleep; Collin leaning back on the sofa with his mouth hanging wide open and Seth leaning back on Collin, snoring away a storm. Leah had moved over to the single chair, her eyes still wide open as she watched one of the late shows on the small TV.

I suddenly realized, if I was going to go get Gabby tonight, I needed an ally. Leah wouldn't have been my first choice, but she was the only one awake in the house right now. And calling Alice or Rosalie…no, that was definitely out of the question. As much as I loved them both, they would never agree to me going to Port Angeles right now. They'd tell me to wait for Edward.

But I couldn't wait. Jake was lying in the next room, dead to the world, and I was sure all he needed was Gabby.

I walked over to Leah. Her eyes never left the TV.

"Leah, I need to talk to you," I whispered quickly.

"So shoot," she answered, still keeping her eyes trained on the TV.

I glanced over at Collin and Seth; they looked pretty much out for the night, but I didn't want to risk them hearing me. The less people involved in this the better.

"Look Leah, it's really important. Can we go outside for a minute?"

Leah must've heard the urgency in my tone, because she finally looked up, studying me. "Sure. Whatever," she finally sighed.

Getting up slowly, she walked out the front door and I followed her, closing the door quietly behind us.

"It's about Jake," I began, still whispering. The wolves' hearing was almost as good as the vampires'.

"What about Jake?" she asked in a distrusting tone, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I may know how to wake him up."

Leah stared at me. After a few seconds, she said, "Okay. So go ahead. What are you waiting for? Wake him up!"

I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes for a moment. "It's not that easy. Well…it's a long story." I wasn't sure where to begin. "Look, we don't have time to get into all of it right now, but basically…I think Jake's imprinted."

Leah's expression was a mix of shock and disbelief. "What? What are you talking about? Imprinted? On who? On _you_?"

I closed my eyes again and shook my head quickly. "No. Not on _me_."

Leah crossed her arms impatiently in front of her. "Well then, on who?"

I pursed my lips, knowing how crazy this was going to sound to her. "I think…I'm pretty sure I mean…he's imprinted on my friend, Gabby."

Leah snorted. "The girl you hang around with from your school? What makes you think that?"

"Well, the night of my graduation dance, Gabby reached out to touch Jake, and Edward saw both of them react pretty strangely to it."

Leah snickered, nodding her head up and down slowly, as if things suddenly made sense. "Oh, wait. Hold on. This info comes from your lover boy?" She glared at me condescendingly. "Bella, Bella, Bella. Did you ever stop to think that maybe he just told you that to make you feel less guilty about you dumping Jake?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, feeling my temper starting to flare. But I had to keep calm. Arguing with Leah right now would get us nowhere. I drew in another deep, cleansing breath.

"First of all, Edward would never do something like that."

"Mmhmm," Leah hummed sarcastically.

I ignored her and continued. "Second of all, even you have to see Leah, that my staying with Jake would've been wrong. It wouldn't have been for the right reasons, and it would've prevented him from being with someone who could really love him the way deserves."

Leah rolled her eyes, but didn't comment. I knew her well enough to know that meant that, no matter how begrudgingly, she knew I was right.

I took advantage of her silence to continue. "I think Gabby's that person. The one who can love Jake the way he deserves to be loved."

Leah pursed her lips, but remained silent. She still wasn't completely convinced.

"There's more," I added, trying to persuade her just enough so that she'd help me. "Things she said, things Jake hinted at last time we spoke. But we don't have time to get into it all right now," I hissed quickly, "we have to go get Gabby and bring her back to Jake right away."

"Who's 'we'?" Leah scowled.

"We are you and me Leah."

Leah's eyes grew wide. She quickly began shaking her head. "We're not supposed to go anywhere. Sam asked Seth and me to stay put until he returned, and your bloodsucker told you the same thing."

"Did Sam command it?" I asked, hoping he hadn't used his Alpha voice, which would prevent Leah from going against his orders whether she wanted to or not. It wouldn't stop me, but I would've much preferred to not go alone.

Leah answered hesitantly. "No. He didn't _command_ it."

"Well then, we have to go as soon as possible! Look, I know Edward will probably be a bit upset at me when he gets back, but he'll understand once he sees that Jake's better."

"Oh yeah, because Jake is truly your bloodsucker's priority," she answered sarcastically.

"Come on Leah," I begged, my voice cracking at the end, "everyone else is sleeping inside. They'll never even know we're gone. And once we return with Gabby and Jake wakes up, they'll all be too ecstatic to be upset at us."

Leah bit her lip nervously, wavering, but still worried about getting herself in trouble with Sam. "Leah, please. I don't want to wait any longer. I can't stand to see Jake like that one more second." I paused. I knew no matter what, Leah loved all her pack brothers fiercely. "Can you?"

Leah's arms dropped to her sides. She glared at me anxiously for a few more seconds before inhaling and exhaling rapidly and rolling her eyes. "Fine!" she snapped. "Let's go. But you better be right about this, 'cause if we go and this chick doesn't do anything for Jake, and then I've gotta deal with Sam's wrath, I swear to you Bella, not even your bloodsucking boyfriend'll be able to keep me from tearing you up."

I grinned at her, relief washing over me that she'd agreed, regardless of her rants.

"Thanks Leah."

Quickly, I tugged Leah by her arm and led her to Edward's Volvo. Pulling out my set of keys, I tried to ignore the pang of guilt at using Edward's car for a mission I knew he wouldn't approve of, at least right now. As I opened the car doors and climbed inside the driver's seat, I comforted myself by telling myself that all this would be over in a couple of hours, and that by the time Edward returned, we'd all be safely back in La Push, and Jake would finally, finally be awake. And then Edward and I would go home, and we'd be able to move forward once again, knowing that, with Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett's help, Paul would be caught soon, and more importantly, that Jake finally had the happiness he deserved. I smiled to myself as I put the car in drive and slowly and quietly drove away from the little red house. _Who knows?_ I thought to myself. Maybe I'd even be the one to ask him to dig into his closet and pull out that ring he'd talked about earlier. It would certainly distract him from being upset at me, and…honestly, I wanted nothing more than to be Edward's wife.

Once we were far enough away from Jake's house, my foot pressed down on the gas with a little more force than usual. I was anxious to get to Gabby. I wasn't sure how much convincing I'd have to do to get her to come with us tonight, and if Edward got back before us, he'd go into a panic. I didn't want him to have to worry.

Leah and I were quiet throughout most of the ride. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. I wondered if Leah thought about whether she'd ever imprint. Now that Jake had imprinted too – and I was sure he had – only Leah and a couple of the other wolves hadn't imprinted. Somehow, I was sure that regardless of the legends, they would all imprint eventually.

Forty-five minutes later, we were parking the car in front of Gabby's parent's house. The drive would've only taken Edward fifteen minutes, but even in his car, I'd never be as quick as him. I looked up towards Gabby's window; the room was dark, all the lights in the house appeared to be off. Of course they'd be. It was extremely late; or extremely early; depending on how you wanted to look at it. I felt a twinge of guilt.

The handful of streetlamps and the half moon up in the sky were the only lights on the block. The only sound to be heard were the crickets chirping noisily, calling to each other in their own private language.

I suddenly felt nervous. What if Gabby didn't agree to come back with us? How much would I need to tell her to convince her to come? How much could I tell her at this point? Sharing Jacob's secret with her right now didn't feel right; I thought that was something he should do himself. But then how would I explain to her how much he needed her right now?

Leah watched me curiously from the passenger's seat, for once, sitting patiently. She appeared to be no more eager than I to leave the car. Steeling myself, I took a couple of deep breaths and turned to Leah, nodding. "Alright Leah, let's get this show on the road."

"Let's go," Leah shrugged. We climbed out of the car at the same time. I led the way to Gabby's house, and forced my hand up to the doorbell. The night was so quiet that the sound seemed to reverberate around the entire neighborhood. I cringed, and waited, hoping someone would come to the door before I was forced to ring the doorbell again. A couple of minutes later, just as I was getting ready to ring again, the door slowly opened.

Gabby appeared hesitantly behind the door, her robe tied tightly around herself.

"Bella?" she exclaimed with surprise. She looked over at Leah, giving her a puzzled look. A low voice came from behind her, and she turned around. "It's alright dad. I've got it." She turned back around to us, pulling the door with her to hide us from view.

"Bella what are you doing here?" she whispered. Her eyes flashed back to Leah again warily.

I took the second to study her. In the past couple of weeks, having believed Gabby to be in the middle of some strange sickness; the flu, a stomach virus, chicken pox, _something_, I'd conjured these pictures of a sickly-looking Gabby, her face drawn and tired, gaunt. Dark circles, almost as dark as Edward's on the days when hadn't fed properly, rimmed her eyes in my visions. Her hair would be matted and oily from lacking the energy to wash it.

The Gabby that now stood before me looked nothing like that; well, except for maybe the circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep. But her face was as bright and beautiful as ever, her golden hair hung long and loose behind her, bouncy. Gabby had always been beautiful, but…I could see a definite change in her, almost like an awakening in her features, as if her physiology were telling her something her mind still refused to accept. Her eyes though, were anxious and confused, as I imagined they'd probably been for a few days now.

"Gabby, I had to come see you," I whispered apologetically.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "It's really late Bella."

I frowned. "I know. I'm really sorry, but it couldn't wait 'til morning." I looked over towards Leah. She was studying Gabby up and down, sizing her up, I imagined, seeing if she was good enough for her pack brother. I'd gotten the same once over a few years ago. I hoped Gabby fared better than I had at the time.

"This is my friend Leah," I introduced.

Gabby nodded. "Nice to meet you."

Leah pursed her lips and nodded back.

"Can we come in Gabby?"

Gabby blinked twice. "Um, sure," she agreed, moving over so that we could pass by. We walked through the narrow hallway into Gabby's large living room. Leah and I sat in the large leather sectional, while Gabby sat across from us in a single leather chair.

"Is everything okay Bella?" Gabby asked as soon as we were all seated.

The fact was it was almost two in the morning, and Leah and I weren't supposed to be here. Edward would be back in La Push in just a couple of hours, hopefully. And Jake was laying unconscious back in La Push, and had been that way for days now. No, everything wasn't okay, and I didn't have the time or energy to sugar coat it.

"No Gabby, things aren't okay."

Gabby's expression became alarmed. But before she could ask anything, I decided it would be best to just bite the bullet and plunged ahead.

"Gabby, Edward told me what happened back at the dance."

Gabby's eyes widened, her alarm growing. "What do you mean? What did Edward-"

"Between you and Jake. He told me…" I hesitated. Gabby didn't know about Edward being a vampire, much less a mind reader. There was only so much I could explain. "He saw the look that passed between you and Jake."

Gabby grew panicked. "Bella, I swear, I don't know what's going on. I didn't mean…" her voice cracked, "I don't _want_ to feel this way."

And that was all the confirmation I needed. I looked over towards Leah, and she just nodded at me. I sat back and let the relief flood my body for a couple of seconds. A small part of me had still feared that Edward may have been wrong. I should've known better than to ever doubt him.

I reached out quickly and put a hand on Gabby's lap, trying to comfort her. I could feel her trembling. "Gabby no. Relax, please." I waited for her eyes to meet mine. "I'm not upset Gabby. Not at all."

"But Bella-"

"Gabby, Jake and I broke up a few days ago. I'm back with Edward."

Gabby gasped, leaning back into the sofa. Suddenly, a guilty expression crossed her features. "But Bella, that doesn't change…it's still not right-"

I cut her off again. "Gabby, there are things you don't know. Things I can't tell you right now." I paused. "Gabby, I came to tell you that Jake…Jake's been hurt, and he needs you."

Gabby's eyes grew wide again, a look of abject horror taking over her face now. "Jake's…hurt? What happened?"

"I…I can't get into all of it right now. I came to tell you-, Gabby, I came to tell you that Jake needs you. Right now. You're the only one that can help him now. I can't do anything for him. He needs _you_. He _wants_ you. Please Gabby_. Please_. You have to come back to La Push with us.

Gabby's horror increased. "What are you talking about Bella? Jake doesn't…he doesn't even _know_ me! I don't know him! How could he need me? This…none of this makes any sense!" Her hands went up to her scalp, where she pulled on her golden locks anxiously. "I don't understand-"

"I know, Gabby. I know. It's hard to understand, and I wish I could tell you more right now. But that's for Jake to do, not me. And I'm sure if he could, he would've come for you already. But he can't. You have to go to him. I swear, once you see him, this will all make sense. And he'll explain it all to you, and Leah can help you too." I turned to look at Leah, who'd sat silently through the whole exchange. For once, the scowl had left her face. She was watching Gabby anxiously, nodding at my words. "Please Gabby," I begged, "I know it's late. I know you're confused. But please trust me. We have to go, and we have to go _now_." A shiver suddenly ran up my spine; the feeling that we were somehow running out of time gripped me in a sudden surge. "Please Gabby."

Gabby's face was a mask of horror, bewilderment and anxiety. She brought her hands down from the top of her head and wrung them nervously in her lap. But in the end, the feelings she couldn't suppress, regardless of how disconcerting they were, won out. Her eyes met mine again and she nodded ever so slightly. "Okay."

Leah and I ran back out to wait in the car while Gabby went up to change. This time, when she appeared at the door, there was no hesitation in her step. She closed the door behind her quickly and ran the few steps to the car where we waited. She opened the door to the back seat and climbed in next to me swiftly. I'd let Leah be the driver on the way back so that I could sit with Gabby; Leah could be a bit intimidating to those who didn't know her very well.

The drive back to La Push started out as quiet as the drive into Port Angeles had been. The three of us were lost in our own thoughts. I felt anxious and alert all of a sudden; my eyes darted through the blackened forest, searching for movement, for some sign that Edward had returned, and, having found me gone from Jake's house, had come out to find me. I had a feeling he wouldn't have to think very hard to figure out where I'd gone. He'd be upset, yes. But he'd understand. I was doing this for all of us. Jake needed Gabby to come out of whatever oblivion he was existing in, and until that happened, it didn't feel right for Edward and I to move on with our plans; to take the next step towards our unending future.

I heard Gabby breath in a deep sigh next to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. Her forehead was creased with worry lines. I reached out and took one of her hands in mine.

"Don't worry Gabby. We'll be there in a few minutes."

Her eyes met mine, and I could see the undisguised distress in them. "How badly…is Jake hurt?" she asked quietly.

I sighed. "It was bad," I admitted. A low moan escaped Gabby's lips. "But he's gotten better," I confirmed quickly. "And he'll be perfect once he sees you. You'll see."

Gabby smiled weakly, still uneasy. "I still don't understand any of this."

I tried to smile encouragingly. "I know you don't. But I promise you, it'll all be clear once you see him."

Leah snorted from the front, watching us with pursed lips through the rearview mirror. "Don't promise her that Bella. It's been what, five years? And I still don't understand it all myself."

I smirked at her, getting ready to say something back - Gabby didn't need to be frightened more than she already was - when a sudden movement from the window caught my attention.

My eyes instinctively turned towards the movement, narrowing and searching between the trees for the agile creature that had appeared in my periphery. There weren't many creatures out there that could keep up with a car; especially going at the speed Leah had it traveling now; she was a much faster driver than me. When the blurred figure moved past the trees once again at a speed faster than my eyes could make out, causing Leah to hiss loudly in the front seat, my first instinctive thought was that Edward had returned and caught up to us, and dang it, I was in deep trouble.

I was half right.

**Edward POV**

'_Damn that leach, he's just freaking showing off now!"_ Jared thought begrudgingly. I snickered, although it wasn't true; I was running quickly yes, but I wasn't showing off; the quicker we made it to where the wolves had left their leader, the quicker I could talk to him and hopefully convince him to let my father and brothers assist in the search for Paul, and the quicker I could get back to Bella. The wolves were fast, it was true. In fact, Emmett and Jasper were a bit flustered at how well the wolves kept up with them, while my father's thoughts were occupied with praying that Sam would be amenable to our offer to help, instead of insulted and hostile. As for myself, at this point, I just wanted to reach our destination, offer our assistance to Sam, and be on my way back.

_Why_ _had I even bothered to come?_ I asked myself for the twenty-third time since I'd left Bella back in La Push, in Jacob's house. This wasn't our problem. The dirty dog was the wolves' problem. It was his own kind he kept attacking after all. Moreover, what did we – a coven of vampires – have to fear from one wayward mutt? And if they didn't want our help, why were we insisting; forcing ourselves on a bunch of dogs who would just as soon attack us, when we'd never given them cause, as they would a brother who'd turned on them?

_For Bella_, came the answer, once again. The same answer I'd come up with every single time I'd asked myself this question tonight. I was doing this for Bella. Because I couldn't rest in a world where there was the slightest chance that Bella was in danger, and because it was important to her that the backstabbing wolf be caught before he hurt anyone else. I knew Bella; she'd never be able to be at peace as long as she knew there was someone out there who was hurting her longtime friends, the ones who had been her protectors for so long.

And I supposed it I were being honest with myself, neither could I. Whether these wolves liked it or not, I owed them. They'd taken care of Bella for me when I hadn't been here; they'd protected her from Laurent and Victoria when I'd been too far away to do so, and for that, I'd always be in there debt. Therefore I, like Bella, couldn't really rest until this threat to them was eliminated.

We were close to the border now; where Sam and Quil had instructed Jared and his companions to meet up with them once Collin was safely back on the Quileute reservation. Jared and his companions had made this run in their human forms, afraid that Sam would read their minds if they shifted into wolves, and would know that they were bringing uninvited guests with them. I supposed if this didn't go well, Jared and company would have hell to pay tonight. I couldn't get myself to care one way or the other; my one and only thought was to get back to Bella and get back to her fast. I still hadn't been able to shake off the uneasy feeling I'd had all night. If Sam wanted to rant and rave, he'd have to do it without me; I wasn't planning to stick around longer than absolutely necessary.

The air began to feel colder as we approached the border into Canada, and the landscape slowly changed, first one fir tree appearing in a forest thick with green shrubbery, and then another, until we were clearly coming upon our intended location. The unfamiliar dog stench, that was different from the ones that had been assaulting my nostrils throughout this run, alerted me to the fact that we weren't far now.

'_Slow down there bloodsucker. We're almost there,'_ Jared thought. He didn't have the nerve to speak out loud now; he was wondering if we were close enough to Sam for him to have picked up our scents, and possibly any sounds we made. I slowed my pace, giving them all a chance to catch up with me.

'_Oh God, you smell that?'_ Emmett thought. _'As if the stench of three wet dogs wasn't bad enough…_' I dropped in line with him and turned to face him. His nose was wrinkled in disgust, as well as Jasper's who ran at his other side. _'Put enough of them together and the smell itself might be enough to overpower us,'_ he joked in his head. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

The thick shrubs and trees became fewer and far between here, until we approached an open field, much like the meadow Bella and I used to lay in together so long ago, long before it became marred with memories of Laurent and werewolves. Except this meadow was long and narrow instead of circular, like a long hallway in one of those horror films, and as my brothers and father and I reached the entrance to the meadow, at the other end, silently crouched, stood two huge wolves, too large to be normal, one black and the other a dark brown.

The wolves growled angrily, and my family and I took our own defensive positions, until abruptly, the wolves paused, looking just behind us. I turned around to see that Jared and his brothers had caught up to us. Swiftly, the wolves shifted into human form and quickly approached us.

"What's going on here?" Sam barked furiously, looking between my family, and his own. He came to stand within a few feet of us.

"Sam, we're here to speak to you," I clarified quickly. I didn't have time for pleasantries or small talk. "This situation with Paul has gotten out of hand. It's obvious he has some sort of vendetta against your pack, first attacking Jacob and now Collin." I paused momentarily. "We're here to offer our help in finding him. It's in both our families' interest that he is dealt with as soon as possible."

Sam glared at me incredulously, his eyes wide in disbelief. "But why are you here?" he asked.

"We're here to help Sam," I repeated. "I realize you have your reservations against us, but I think it's time we put our differences aside and work together to get this problem taken care of. Jared thought it would be best if I spoke to you personally, since you aren't familiar with the rest of my-," I responded.

"I don't mean why is your family here," Sam cut me off. "I mean why are _you_ here?" he asked impatiently, a desperate edge to his voice. For some reason, the desperation in his voice increased my anxiety.

"I told you. I came to speak to you, to ask you to let my family-"

"Edward!" Sam growled in the voice I recognized he used whenever he had something extremely serious to convey. "I don't give a damn about your family helping! At this point, we welcome it! _After what Paul did yesterday_…" He looked down, as if feeling the shame Paul would never feel for his actions. Quickly he brought his dark eyes back up to my own. _"But you…"_

I clenched my fists at my side, flexing my jaw. After everything that had happened, after having helped Jacob, this was still about me. Would they never get over the fact that Bella had chosen me? I didn't even bother trying to read the rest of his thought.

"This isn't about me Sam! You have to get past what happened between Jacob and Bella and I. Bella has made her decision and I'm just here-"

"You're absolutely right!" he cut me off. "This is not about you! This is about Bella!"

'_God, how could he be so blind.'_ Sam closed his eyes, shaking his head in frustration. _'I suppose it's partly my fault. What have I done in trying to spare the pack from the magnitude of Paul's insanity…'_

"Bella?" I asked, trying to focus on both his words and thoughts. I narrowed my eyes. I could feel my hands begin to shake, and for some reason, I felt as if the forest were blurring, until all I could see, all I could focus on, was the tall, dark man in front of me. "What do you mean this is about Bella?"

Sam's thoughts became muddled, erratic. I saw visions of what he'd seen back on the beach a few days ago, Paul's teeth right at Jake's jugular as Sam had arrived on the scene. Bella, my Bella, lying dirty and terrified a few feet away.

And…and Paul's thoughts.

'_He deserves it!' Paul had thought as his sharp teeth came within inches of Jake's throat. 'He's a leech lover, just like her. And once he's out of the way, I'll finally be able to teach her…'_

Sam's thoughts quickly changed, the landscape changing to resemble more or less the forest we were in now, with the trees and shrubbery that proved we weren't very close to La Push anymore. Sam had sent the wolves in pairs to look for Paul, once they'd caught his scent in this area. He'd kept Collin with him, since Collin was the youngest. But young Collin had wandered off alone, and that's when Paul had caught up to him.

'_Get out of my way Collin,' Paul had hissed._

'_No Paul,' Collin had insisted, his whole body shaking as he readied himself for the transformation._

'_I don't want to hurt you Collin, but I will if I have to," Paul threatened. "It's not you I want, or any of our brothers." He spoke calmly, the voice of a madman who didn't realize how truly insane he was. "I didn't even really want Jake. But since I knew I'd never be able to get to her without taking him out, I had no choice."_

"_You're crazy Paul," Collin accused. "And I'll never let you by to hurt her. She's my friend."_

"_She's not your friend," Paul mocked. "She doesn't give a damn about you or anyone else in La Push. All she cares about are her vampires. That's all she's ever cared about."_

And then I saw, through Sam's memories of what Collin had seen, as Paul's eyes narrowed into tiny slits, turning blacker than coal, and as cold and frozen as the blackest ice.

"_I'm going to find her. The minute they let their guard down I'm going to find her and make her pay. They can't keep watch over her forever. Her leeches, our brothers, at some point, they'll make a mistake, and I'll be waiting to pounce. To pounce on her and teach her the lesson she should've been taught years ago for being a dirty whore to a bloodsucker."_

"I'm sorry Edward," Sam murmured, pulling me away from his memories. "I kept these things from the rest of my pack because…well because it was bad enough what Paul had done to Jake. I didn't want them to know they'd called an animal with such a twisted mind their brother once. I didn't want them to doubt themselves because they'd failed to see what was really in his mind, and in his heart. I let them believe he'd attacked Jake because he'd just lost it, and then Collin because he'd felt cornered. I didn't want them to know how cruel and evil their brother had really been." Sam's voice sounded so far away as I listened to him; it was hard to hear him over the loud buzzing sound in my head. "It was her…it was Bella he wanted all along. But I thought…I was sure you'd never leave her side. I was sure that we'd find him before he could get to her. I was sure you'd never leave her side," he repeated, his voice full of a remorse which did no good now.

And then the rest of what he was saying got lost in the wind; my feet were carrying me away from that godforsaken meadow faster than they'd ever carried me away from any place; faster than they'd ever carried me towards any place.

'…_the minute they let their guard down…'_

'…_teach her the lesson…'_

'…_I was sure you'd never leave her side.'_

'_Edward, we're right behind you. We all are,'_ my father's mental voice assured me. It gave me absolutely no solace. I needed someone in front of me, someone who could somehow reach La Push, reach Bella, faster than I could. But I knew there was no person in this group who could do that, and for once, I cursed the fact that I was the fastest. Because my speed would not be fast enough.

I made no deals with God, or anyone else for that matter; not this time. No agreements, no promises. I had none to give. I couldn't think clearly enough to offer anything even if I'd wanted to. My only thought was, 'Bella, Bella, Bella,' as I ran with a velocity that I was sure defied the laws of gravity, but which I also knew, in my dead heart, to be insufficient this time.

I opened my mouth and spoke aloud the only words I knew now to be true; what I feared was the only thing I had left to offer. It wasn't enough.

"Bella, I love you."

**Bella POV**

The car hit him at full speed; and I knew Leah had done it on purpose; had swerved purposely to hit him head on; because she and the rest of the wolves had instant reflexes only matched or surpassed by the Cullens. For a split second, I was afraid she _had_ swerved to hit one of the Cullens, to hit Edward, who I thought had maybe come looking for me; having gotten back to La Push and found me missing. But hitting Edward with a car wouldn't cause Edward any damage; although it would destroy his car. These were the thoughts running through my mind in the second it took for the Volvo to flip over one, two, three times before skidding to a stop over a hundred yards from where the sideswiped body lay, still as stone.

Lying upside down in the mangled car, I realized two things as I stared out of the space where the windshield lay shattered. The first, that Leah was no longer in the car with us, having jumped out somewhere in mid-air as the car did its tumbles. The second, that the body that lay a hundred feet in front of us didn't, thank God, belong to any of my Cullens. But on the heels of this awareness came another, less comforting realization. No, it wasn't a vampire; it was a Quileute. A young man. A wolf.

Paul.

"Bella, what happened?" Gabby sobbed quietly at my side. "We hit something. What did we hit?"

I didn't know how to answer her. How would I tell her we just hit a deranged wolf-man, the same deranged wolf who'd hurt Jake? How would she go from having practically no information, to being told we were now in mortal danger from a supernatural creature?

I reached up to unfasten my seatbelt, reaching up to undo Gabby's as well. "Hold on, Gabby," I warned her. My eyes remained glued to the unmoving figure on the dark, empty road. I'd seen him fly in the air as the Volvo made impact with him…but I'd been around the supernatural for too long; I knew that meant nothing. I knew, like one of those cheesy horror flicks Renee liked watching, it was only a matter of time.

"Gabby, can you get up?" I asked desperately, keeping my eyes trained on the road.

Gabby moaned. "I think so."

"We need to get out of here. Right now." I turned my body around towards the door, feeling a sharp, stabbing pain in my side as I moved. Ugh, a cracked rib probably. Pulling my leg back as far as I could, I kicked out one, two, three, four times, before the door finally gave and fell to the ground with a loud thud. I quickly looked towards the still figure again, hoping the echo hadn't stirred him. He didn't move.

I grabbed Gabby by the hand, tightly. "Let's go Gab. Let's go." I climbed out of the car as quickly as possible, pulling Gabby out with me. We were running out of time. Any moment…

And then, I almost laughed out loud, hysterically. Where the heck was I planning on taking us? We couldn't outrun him.

Just like in Renee's horror movies, as if he'd heard our thoughts, Paul sat straight up.

"Oh my God, who is that?" Gabby asked, her voice thick with terror as she watched Paul slowly get to his feet. "We hit him. We hit him head on. How's he getting up?"

I grabbed Gabby's arm, the panic spreading throughout my entire body so that I felt my movements as in slow motion, while Paul appeared to be moving at normal speed. He turned around and his dark eyes met mine. A small smile formed on his lips.

"Let's go Gabby," I whispered, pulling her, but unable to pull my eyes away from Paul's impish gaze. "We've got to go." We began walking backwards, but my legs felt heavy, and Gabby was too dazed to realize the immense danger we were both in now. Paul had no such misgivings, and slowly, he began moving towards us. My legs finally received the message from my brain. I pulled on Gabby harder, more insistently. "Run Gabby," I whispered. "Run."

Paul smiled wider, having heard my whispered plea. Suddenly, his pace picked up speed, and he was abruptly breaking into a sprint. My heart stopped, and just as I was about to turn Gabby and myself around and run uselessly, a dark figure blurred by us.

I heard "Get out of here Bella!" and then the figure was jumping in the air, and what landed was no longer human, but wolf. Leah landed right on top of Paul, but Paul, being just as quick as Leah, had already seen her coming, and had already transformed into his dark wolf self.

The quiet night was broken with the sound of impossibly loud, ferocious growls, teeth snapping and biting, and large, heavy paws clawing and raking at each other savagely. The wolves tumbled against each other, and for the first few seconds, I was too entranced by the sight to move, to take advantage of the distraction and try and get Gabby and I as far away from here as possible. But the adrenaline soon kicked in, and I was pulling Gabby behind me while we ran into the misty forest, running between trees and over wet branches and bracken.

My side ached - I definitely had more than one broken rib – but I couldn't let that slow me down. I noticed Gabby had a slight limp, but I pulled on her as hard as I could; our injuries would be the least of our problems if Paul ever caught up to us. I listened for the fighting as we ran; my heart aching for Leah, who was taking on a heartless creature who'd once pledged to be her brother; protector of their mutual people. But I knew there was nothing I could do for her but pray that somehow she'd come out ahead.

The fighting continued for a few more minutes; the sounds becoming less and less clear as we grew further and further away from the scene. But we continued running, and in the increasing stillness I could hear Gabby's sobbing. I wanted to comfort her, to turn around and tell her it would all be alright. But I didn't know if that would be the case, and I knew that either way, we couldn't afford to stop.

A series of yelps stopped me in my tracks, and Gabby bumped into me forcefully, startled by my sudden halt. I tilted my head towards where the fighting had been occurring, straining to hear something, _anything_; any sign of what had happened, and who it'd happened to. Nothing.

We listened for a while longer.

"What's going on Bella?" Gabby's voice trembled.

"I don't know," I answered in a whisper. "Let's keep moving," I urged. But we moved slower now, less confidently; watching where we stepped to keep our path silent. After a long moment of continuing silence, without knowing what had happened, I couldn't take it anymore. I felt all the hairs on my body stand on end, because it had been quiet for far too long. Something was wrong, more wrong than this whole messed up situation already was.

I stopped us again, looking around at the trees after trees surrounding us, looking for someplace to hide. A few feet away, I spotted a large thick evergreen, no different than the rest of the trees except for the fact that it was a bit wider. But we didn't have time to be picky.

I turned back to look at Gabby. Her eyes were wide with fear, her breathing fast and erratic. I brought a finger up to my mouth and jerked my head towards the tree, indicating that we should proceed quietly. Gabby's eyes widened and she nodded quickly, grasping my meaning.

From behind the tree, we listened once again, trying to figure out what was going on.

I thought of Edward then; wondering where he was. Was he on his way back from meeting with Sam yet? Did he have any idea that Paul was here? My heart ached for him; to see his beautiful face just once more; to have him smile at me crookedly. To see his beautiful gold eyes shining with love. I'd let him down. Would he understand why I'd had to do this? Would I ever get the chance to explain it to him?

Just as I thought we'd have to spend the rest of the night behind this tree, a low, smooth voice called out.

"Bellaaa. Where are youuuu? Come out, come out wherever you are. I know you're close, I can smell you and the stench of your bloodsucker on you." I closed my eyes and covered my mouth with both hands, trying to hold in the terrified gasp that was threatening to escape.

All was silent again for what felt like a horrifying eternity. "Bella, who's your friend?" Paul asked. His voice sounded closer now, but I was too frozen with panic to peek out from behind the tree. "Why don't you come out and introduce us?" I looked at Gabby, silent tears ran down her face.

"Hey friend," Paul called out in a pleasant tone. "Why don't you come out? It's not you I want. Come out and I'll let you go. I promise."

Gabby's eyes widened. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it silently, shaking her head. I smiled at her, despite our situation. If I'd thought for one second that Paul was telling the truth, that he'd let Gabby go if she gave away our position, I would've pushed her out myself. But Paul was a deranged liar. I knew he wasn't planning on letting any of us go tonight.

Paul was so close I could hear his footsteps now. Abruptly, he stopped. He sucked his teeth. "Aw come on Bella. Just come out and I promise, I'll spare your little friend."

Gabby squeezed my hand tighter and shook her head vehemently.

Paul remained in place. When he spoke next, his voice wasn't as composed any more. He was losing his patience. "Bella, you know I'm going to find you, so let's save ourselves some time and trouble. Just come out and I'll make it quick and painless. I'll make sure I leave you recognizable so that that bloodsucker of yours'll have something to bury."

I faltered for an instant, when he spoke about Edward, because I knew how much pain this was going to cause him. He'd never get over it, just as I'd never gotten over losing him. And it was the thought of Edward's suffering that gave me away in the end. I gasped, quickly covering my mouth. But it was too late; Paul, with his enhanced hearing, heard it.

His hands wrapped around my neck and he had me up against the tree before I'd realized what was happening. As I gasped and writhed, trying uselessly to breathe in some air, I could hear Gabby screaming in the background, punching and kicking at Paul, who completely ignored her. My vision began to blur as all air escaped me, but then I heard a loud growl again, and suddenly I was dropped to the ground, and a large tan wolf that I recognized as being Seth was on top of Paul now, who'd immediately shifted back into wolf.

I sat up on the cold, wet ground, gasping for air, and watched as the two wolves battled just a few short feet away from us. Gabby knelt down before me, sobbing uncontrollably now and watching with rapt awe and fear at the sight before us.

"Bella, are you okay?" Gabby cried, putting her hands on either side of my face. I nodded weakly, but Gabby pulled me up with her quickly and began dragging me away as fast as she could. "Run Bella! Run!" she ordered, and I tried as hard as possible to comply, but I hurt badly, my throat burned, my broken ribs were rubbing up against my side, my vision was blurring.

A load cracking noise caught our attention, and we both turned back quickly to see Seth slam against the large tree Gabby and I had been hiding behind. The force of the blow cracked the tree in half, and we both looked up in horror, frozen, as the tree slowly made its descent just over our heads.

With a clarity borne out of fear, out of love for my friend, out of love for Jake, who needed Gabby, I unfroze just long enough to push Gabby out of the way, as the tree came crashing down, crushing my legs under it. But before I could scream in agony, my head landed forcefully on top of a large, dull rock protruding from the ground.

Until that moment, I'd never really understood what people meant when they said 'my life flashed before my eyes.'

The instant my head hit the rock, my eyes began to close. But before they did, I saw my life, like a film reel moving at light speed, like a movie playing only for me.

_My dad and I fishing on a little boat, in the middle of the Sol Duc._

_My mom taking me shopping for make up I would never wear._

_My first day at Forks High; the moment I walked into Biology and my eyes met Edward's._

_Edward and I, at our meadow._

_Jake and I, screaming in exhilaration as we jumped off the cliffs at La Push._

_Edward's glorious smile as I landed in his arms the day he came back to Forks._

_Edward and I dancing at my graduation dance, his hands holding me tightly._

_Edward and I by the river, consumed with passion and intertwined in each other._

_Edward, kneeling down before me, just a few hours ago, asking me to be his wife._

In that final moment, I felt a myriad of emotions. Wistfulness, as I thought of my mom and dad; warmth as I recalled my time spent with my best friend, Jacob; happiness as I remembered every moment with Edward; regret that I hadn't said yes to him a few hours ago…

With the last of my vision…I saw the large, dark brown wolf spring for me, hell bent on being the one to finish me off. In the millisecond after his lunge, a glorious, pale white figure appeared, as if out of nowhere, hurdling like an atom directly into Paul and ripping him in two pieces in mid-air. Darkness took over before I could tell my rescuer how much I loved him.

But…the moment the darkness descended, the angel joined me, the one from my dreams. 'You won't be alone,' the angel's eyes said. And smiling a familiar crooked smile, the angel stirred and held on tight.

**A/N: Okay guys, one more chapter, and an epilogue.**

**Shout out to Danna; she gave me a few good lines for this chapter; they're scattered over a few pages. Thanks girlie.**

**I wanted to thank all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I think we broke the chapter record for number of reviews! You guys must be desperate for that outtake huh? (Smile)**

**Let's see if this is the chappy that puts us over 1000 reviews! Go ahead and let me know what you thought of this chapter, and what you think is going to happen with Bella. **

**And Woohoo! Who's seen Eclipse already? What did you all think of it! I LOVED IT!**

**And Happy 4****th**** of July weekend to all my fellow Americans!**


	30. Chapter 31 From Darkness

**A/N: Hi there all. Well, here we are. Last chapter and Epilogue. Both will be from Edward's POV. Both are being posted together. So go on to that when you finish this. **

**This was very emotional for me to write, for many reasons. But we'll talk later. **

**Thanks to my Betas, ADGroovy and Danna0724.**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 31 – From Darkness…**

_The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  
__He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:  
__he leadeth me beside the still waters.  
__He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me  
__in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  
__Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,  
__I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;  
__thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. – __**Excerpt from **__**Psalm 23**_

* * *

_**January, 1961 – Astoria, Oregon**_

**EPOV**

"Gotcha man!" Emmett called out from where he'd hidden behind Esme's favorite Dogwood tree. The large tree shaded the entire house on those days when the sun decided to make itself known. Not that it mattered; the house we'd been living in for the past eleven months was pretty well isolated.

The shade was unnecessary today though. The temperature was a comfortable minus five degrees; the sky was a glorious grey; and large snowflakes fell steadily from the cold, dark sky. Perfect weather. My siblings and I picked up the snowflakes quickly and shaped them into massive snowballs that would've severed human limbs, but which merely exploded on impact when they hit one of us, sending frigid, white dust flying in all directions.

I smirked as Emmett's snowball pounded my left arm. Yes, I'd let him get me. It got a bit tiring always knowing what his next move would be, what any of their moves would be; so I'd temporarily 'shut off' my gift, trying to make our latest snowball fight a bit fairer.

I was in the middle of packing up the snow in front of me tightly when I let my guard down and heard Carlisle's approach from a couple of miles away.

'…_wish there was more I could do,'_ he thought, as his Cadillac Eldorado made the almost-hidden turn towards our driveway. _'Such a young boy. Such a shame. He reminds me of Edward sometimes…'_

In his mind I saw an image of a young boy, about fifteen, lying in a hospital bed. His eyes were closed, as they always were whenever I saw him in Carlisle's mind. He had short, brown hair, thin and straight, and features which I supposed would appear relatively handsome to human eyes. He was very thin - I could tell even through the white sheets that covered him from shoulders to feet – and he had a series of tubes and wires attached to him, some hanging from his mouth, some attached to his arms. But what I always found most disturbing, whenever Carlisle pictured this boy in his mind, was the empty, peaceful expression on his face.

Young Matthew Sanders had been in a coma for over three months now.

I put the half-formed snowball down on the ground and walked out from behind Rosalie's red Ferrari GT 250 Spyder. Dozens of snowballs pounded me from different directions.

"Edward you ass! I told you I didn't want anyone using my car as a shield!" Rosalie yelled from somewhere beyond the tree line. "There are only one hundred of those in existence, and I swear to God if it has so much as a scratch…' she threatened.

I smirked and ignored her. "I'm out for now," I called out.

"Cheater!"

"Coward!"

"Loser!"

"Edward, bring me my white fur stole when you come back! It's the perfect accessory for today's battle!"

I rolled my eyes at their thoughts and walked back into the house, hearing Carlisle pull up to the driveway.

'_Time's running out,'_ he thought to himself as he turned the ignition off. He remained in the driver's seat for a few minutes, alone with his thoughts, or as alone as he could be with me around. _'I've got to tell his parents the truth about his condition, so they can prepare. And I've got to make a decision, and then…' _– he sighed – _'and then what? I have no idea if the venom would cure the massive brain trauma he sustained when he fell out of that tree,'_ he thought, pounding lightly on the steering wheel. I could see the indentation it left behind nonetheless. _'What right do I have to condemn that boy to an endless lifetime of…of nothing?'_

I pursed my lips, knowing what Carlisle was thinking. He'd been debating with himself this way for a couple of weeks now. The kind, caring and compassionate man in him had taken a special liking to the boy, partly because, as he'd thought before, the boy did remind him of a younger version of me. Every time he looked at the boy's unmoving, unresponsive form on that hospital bed, he irrationally pictured me in that position, although we both knew that would be impossible. And just as he'd done a few decades before, Carlisle contemplated using his gift to save a life cut short, and offer an immortal life where the boy would never have to worry about things like the Spanish influenza, or brain injury caused by a miscalculated step and a fall out of a tall tree.

I walked out the front door of the house, heading steadily towards Carlisle. He hadn't moved. I thought of the discussions we'd had lately on this subject. Carlisle hadn't verbalized his thoughts to anyone else in the family. I was pretty sure he wouldn't have verbalized them to me either if it weren't for the fact that he couldn't hide them from me. And since he hadn't decided anything yet, my relatively new little sister Alice hadn't seen anything…yet.

I opened the passenger side door and quietly sat beside my father. He kept his eyes trained straight ahead, and so did I.

"No improvement?" I asked.

Carlisle shook his head.

"When are you going to tell his parents?"

Carlisle drew in a deep breath. "Tomorrow, I suppose. What other choice have I?" He paused, as if waiting for me to say something.

After a few seconds, he continued. "At this point, the boy has a fifteen percent chance of recovery. Less, if you count the injuries to the brain human instruments can't pick up. His hemorrhage still remains undetected, even though I've continually alluded to the possibility."

I snorted. There was no medical instrument in existence that could detect the boy's hemorrhage, but there was no way a vampire doctor could ever miss the scent of that much blood being spilled.

"I can't continue to let his parents hold out hope that their son will recover, when I know it to be a medical impossibility." I nodded in agreement. "They must prepare themselves for his impending loss."

Carlisle drew in a deeper breath, still keeping his eyes ahead. "Still, I wish there were more I could do for him…"

"Carlisle, there isn't."

He didn't answer aloud. He didn't look at me. _'Perhaps the venom…'_

I turned towards my father, waiting for him to meet my gaze. "You don't know that Carlisle. I've seen it in your mind; I've smelled it in your memories, the boy's sustained massive cerebral edema." I'd been to medical school twice; and although I didn't have the 'hands-on' experience Carlisle had accumulated over the centuries, I understood the technical aspects of the situation.

And that also made it easier for me to see things from a more detached point of view. For that was the problem.

"I know you've grown attached to the boy Carlisle, but you have to see things logically."

'_Sometimes logic isn't everything…'_

I drew in a deep breath. "Carlisle, let's look at the facts. First of all, the boy is exactly that, a boy."

"You were a boy," he interrupted. '_Not much older than Matthew…'_

"No, I was not a boy," I corrected. "There's a big difference between fifteen and seventeen; especially then as compared to now. A lot of changes occur in those two years," I continued. "The boy hasn't even gone through puberty yet, for God's sakes. _I _was from a different time, a different era, in which you were already a man at seventeen.

"I don't understand how that-"

"How would you teach a child to adjust to this life, Carlisle? How could you expect a child to abide by the rules, by the necessity of leading a hidden and solitary life? How would you teach him not to expose the secret?"

Carlisle had no answer. I continued before he could think of one.

"And even if all that weren't the case, even if Matthew were ten years older, the fact is, for all intents and purposes, the boy is already dead." Carlisle cringed at my words. I hated having to be so…so cold, so callous, but it was necessary. Carlisle was not thinking clearly; he was thinking with his long-dead heart, rather than with his head.

"The rest of us, our injuries, they were all to our bodies, to our other organs, the ones that are controlled, not the one that does all the controlling."

This was my main argument. Matthew's brain had been compromised; it no longer functioned; it no longer sent the necessary messages to the other organs that were necessary to keep those functioning. Matthew was being kept alive by machines that were doing his brain's work; but it was only a temporary solution.

When Carlisle had saved each one of us, our brains had still been intact; that wasn't the case with Matthew.

"There is no assurance that our venom can undo the damage done to the boy's brain."

"There is no assurance that it wouldn't-" Carlisle insisted.

"Do you really want to take that chance?" I stared at my father intently. His eyes bore all the pain and confusion of a man torn by two impossible choices; to either allow death, or to give an uncertain life. But knowing Carlisle as I did, as I'd been allowed to know him because of my 'gift', I knew how much he struggled with the decisions he'd made regarding us.

I wanted to spare him the pain of trying to save someone who could not be saved.

"The venom might work," he tried one last time, but I could tell he was wavering.

Yes, my words were harsh. But they were necessary. "And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take him out of his misery then? Or will you curse Matthew with a never-ending existence of nothing? No light, no voices, no senses, nothing but an everlasting state of dark sleep?"

Carlisle closed his eyes tightly, the strain of the situation evident in the deep wrinkle of his brow.

"You are a man of God Carlisle." Using his beliefs against him may have been a low blow, but at the time, I thought it justified. "Do you really believe taking his soul away from him, with only the slightest chance of the venom restoring his cerebral function, is better than letting him join his Father, in peace?"

For a long time, Carlisle didn't answer. He sat there, staring straight ahead as the snow continued falling around us. The day began to give way to night, and the unending frozen precipitation slowly became the only points of light surrounding us. Finally, he turned to face me, nodding once.

"I'll speak to his parents tomorrow, and let them begin their arrangements." _'Thank you son, for helping me through this difficult decision.'_

I remained in the car once Carlisle stepped out. The snow fell faster now, like a soft, white blanket covering the sky, enveloping the earth below. Carlisle was grateful to me, for helping him reach his decision. And although the decision he'd made was the one I believed to be right, I couldn't shake off the feeling of unease, of anxiousness that suddenly gripped me. It was as if I'd somehow sold _my_ non-existing soul; as if by convincing Carlisle to let the unfortunate boy keep his soul, I'd somehow ensured that I would never get _mine_ back.

Doubt slowly crept into my mind; doubt that the boy _would_ be better off without Carlisle's interference. Perhaps…

My second-thoughts were short-lived. While I debated for the next few hours whether I should once again speak to Carlisle, he'd gone to the hospital…and been back again.

Young Matthew Sanders had died quietly in his sleep that night.

_**Present Day – Forks, Washington**_

Dr. Stephen Meyer, the Neurosurgeon Carlisle had flown in from Germany stood off stoically in a corner of the sterile, white hospital room, engaged in a whispered discussion with my father, Renee and Charlie, completely unaware that as much as he whispered, I could hear every word he spoke. Because I was neither Bella's doctor, nor family, I was not allowed to join in the discussion. It was irrelevant anyhow; I wouldn't have left Bella's side at this moment regardless.

"The swelling in her ventricular system continues. The corticosteroids have slowed it down, but not stopped it altogether."

My father nodded his head gravely, while Charlie massaged the back of his own neck forcefully. _'…the hell does that mean in English?'_ he thought, looking at my father miserably. Renee, in turn, watched my father with desperation, using his facial expressions to gauge the seriousness of the doctor's words. _'Please, just get to the point,'_ she thought.

"The latest CT results also show that the intra-cerebral hemorrhage is indeed caused by a subdural hematoma, which we were hoping were not the case." The doctor took a deep breath before continuing, addressing himself to Charlie now. "If it were not for the subdural hematoma, I would recommend immediate surgery, to try to alleviate some of the swelling in the ventricular system that way."

Dr. Meyer's face suddenly grew more sympathetic, as if he were genuinely sorry to be the bearer of the news he had to give. Strangely enough, I found myself comparing his look to the ones I'd seen Carlisle take on so many times before when he delivered similar news to the families and loved ones of his patients. I was sure Carlisle's appeared more heartfelt.

"But due to that complication, I'm afraid I cannot in good conscience recommend operating on Ms. Swan. At least not at this point," he lied, knowing full well that surgery would never be an option for Bella. "We can try to suction the hematoma first, and then hopefully, if that goes well, we can go in and try to reduce the swelling in the ventricular…"

I stopped listening. I knew all this already. I'd known it all the second I'd reached her, in the woods. I hadn't needed MRIs or CT scans, or any of the other useless machines available now to detect the extent of a patient's brain injury. In that second, holding my Bella, my love, my reason for existing, limply in my arms, I'd known the extent of her injuries, and I'd been instantly transported back in time. Back to 1961, and to Carlisle's memories of a young boy, not quite sixteen, who'd sustained a traumatic brain injury after a fall from a tree. He'd been unlucky enough that his head landed directly on a sharp rock as he fell. And while the fall hadn't killed him, it caused instant damage to his brain, damage from which he'd never recover…damage which even our venom may not have been able to reverse…

I ran one hand through my hair, the other held on tightly to Bella's as she lay unconscious, comatose, in this empty, sterile, white hospital room.

Bella's brain had begun hemorrhaging the second she hit the rock; like a delicate balloon landing on a sharp toothpick. She'd lost all consciousness. Her brain lost its ability to send messages throughout the rest of her body almost instantaneously. It had only been the constant CPR I'd administered through the entire ride to the hospital that had kept her alive until she could be hooked up to the machines that were breathing for her now, pumping blood through her heart for her now, keeping her alive, even as her cerebral function was gone.

The venom…

The venom had never been an option. It was already too late by the time I picked her broken body off the ground, raising the tree off of her shattered legs in one swoop and throwing it forcefully over the decapitated body of the hell-bound wolf that caused all this.

I thought back to that conversation with Carlisle forty-nine years ago.

'_The venom might work…_' Carlisle had tried to convince me then.

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take him out of his misery then? Or will you curse Matthew with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

Those two thoughts had been running through my head, twisting themselves in my mind, wrapping themselves around each thought, each phrase, each picture that occurred in my brain for the past seven horrifying days; for the past 172 hours, 51 minutes and 37 seconds. Parallel to every word I heard spoken, every thought I heard thought, every tear shed from Renee and Charlie, and every dry sob from my family, were those two thoughts.

'_The venom might work…'_

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take __**her**__ out of her misery then? Or will you curse Bella with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

"Thank you Dr. Meyer," Carlisle whispered to the German expert on Traumatic Brain Injuries. "I'll go over your diagnosis with Bella's family, and we'll get back to you shortly." He shook hands with the doctor, and then Charlie and Renee did the same. I kept my eyes trained on Bella, as I had for the better part of the last seven days, watching for any sign of awareness, any sign of change, _anything_ to signal that my Bella, my love, was still in there somewhere.

None came.

Carlisle and Bella's parents walked slowly over to Bella's bedside once the doctor left the room, taking their places on Bella's opposite side.

'_Edward, you have to take a break every few hours or so; walk around, pretend to go to the bathroom, pretend to sleep. Bella's parents will grow suspicious.'_

I ignored my father. I couldn't care less. Let them grow suspicious. What difference would it make? Besides, Charlie and Renee were too wrapped up in their own misery to notice whether or how often I left Bella's side.

Seven days ago, when we'd first arrived at this god-forsaken hospital with Bella in my arms, we'd been met by an entire team of doctors and nurses, put on alert by a call from Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who still remained a highly respected colleague to those in residency here. As Carlisle pried Bella out of my arms, it had taken all of Jasper and Emmett's strength to hold me back and keep me out of the examining room. Charlie had walked in a few minutes later, still in his uniform, his gun still holstered to his side. The broken look he'd seen in my eyes had been enough to bring him to his knees.

Bella was placed in ICU, and since the only family present was Charlie, he was the only one allowed in.

"I'm going to her Carlisle. I have to go to her." Both he and I knew I'd push right past him if I had to, and damn the hospital's protocol.

Carlisle stared at me through mournful eyes. "I'm sorry son, there's nothing I can do. Only family-"

"Let him through Carlisle," Charlie called back as he made his way through the doors dividing the waiting room from the hospital rooms. "You know he'll get through anyway."

I supposed I owed Charlie's allowing me through to the story Carlisle and Sam had told him, as well as the rest of the police that had shown up at the scene. They'd been too late to see what the real story had been.

It was true enough, if you left out the supernatural elements. Bella and I had gone to see Jake. I'd left with some of the other Quileute boys to look for Paul, who'd hurt Collin. While I was gone, Bella and Leah had gone to Port Angeles to get Gabby, and on their way back they'd gotten into a car accident. Paul had shown up at the scene and fought with Leah while Bella and Gabby ran off to try to get help. Paul caught up to them, beat Bella and before he could…do worse, a tree had fallen on him and Bella, crushing her legs and knocking her head onto a large sharp rock, and decapitating Paul. By the time we'd found them, Bella was unconscious, and Paul, dead.

The story would do. I was far from caring one way or the other. If the Quileutes would've told the Forks Police Department that I beheaded Paul when I arrived there and found him ready to pounce on Bella, that would've been fine with me too. If they would've told Charlie and his deputies that they were all werewolves and my family and I were all undead, I wouldn't have disputed it at this point. My one and only reason for existing was lying in a cold, hard bed, unresponsive. Everything else was…meaningless, pointless.

A few hours after we'd first arrived, the rest came. Sometimes one by one; first Sam, then Jared. Sometimes in pairs; Quil and Embry. Sometimes in groups; Seth, Leah and Collin. But they were all forced to remain in the waiting area.

And then…running in almost out of breath, with a look of horror etched into his dark features and fresh tear-stains on his face, Jacob Black flew in. Jacob, whom Bella had been trying to save from the same fate she faced now; Jacob whose new love ran in a few minutes behind him, running to hold him and comfort him. Gabby wrapped her arms around him and they both broke down together.

I watched them all; saw all of their grief, all of their pain, from my seat next to Bella's bedside. All their pain was secondary to me, peripheral, inconsequential compared to the woman lying on the bed next to me.

Four days. That's all we'd had. Four days of happiness. Four days of calling her mine. For days of proclaiming to the world that we were one. Four nights of feeling her warm body next to mine. Four nights of loving her the way I'd never allowed myself to dream of during the time we were apart. We'd agreed on forever; instead we got just four days…

"Edward, why don't you take a break?" a soft voice asked from behind me. Somehow, I'd missed Alice's entry into Bella's room. The hospital's visiting rules had been relaxed at Charlie's urging. He didn't see the point of keeping those who loved her away from her now.

"Charlie and Renee went to get some breakfast. Perhaps you should go for a quick hunt." _'You're eyes are getting dark.' _"I'll stay with Bella while you're gone."

I didn't answer. Alice crossed over to my side and pulled up a chair, sitting next to me in silence for a while. The only sounds were the beeping of Bella's machines, the drip of her IV as it kept her nourished and the swish of her respirator as it carried air into her lungs.

'_If only we'd been able to find her sooner…'_ "I'm so sorry, Edward," Alice's tiny voice broke, as she apologized yet again. "I just…I couldn't catch her scent, and we didn't know where to look. At first I thought she'd gone back home…to Charlie's…but I couldn't see…and we split up…" As she had every day for the past seven days, Alice broke down again. '_If only we'd gotten there just a few seconds sooner. If only I could've seen her…Why didn't I see her? Why? Why?'_

"Alice stop. Stop blaming yourself for this. I know you and the rest tried everything to reach her."

I'd called my sisters and mother as soon as I'd gotten off the phone with Seth. Seth had been asleep, and when I'd woken him, he'd been surprised to find that Bella and Leah were missing. Of course, I'd already known Bella would be. Seth had taken off to look for them right away.

I'd tried the blame game already too. Every arrow pointed to one person, other than the mongrel burning in Hades. Me. I'd known taking her to La Push was a bad idea. I'd _felt_ it. Why hadn't I listened to my instincts? Why had I been so stupid as to leave her in La Push?

I'd asked myself all these questions over and over again for the past seven days, but it did no good. None of it would change where we were now. None of it would bring about a solution, a way to get her back…

'_The venom might work…'_

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take __**her**__ out of her misery then? Or will you curse Bella with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

I cringed. Closing my eyes, I put my head down and buried it in the sheets next to Bella's still hand, being careful not to disturb the drip attached to her wrist. I turned my nose to ghost over her warm hand and breathed in the sweet scent of her blood, so much more potent than it'd ever been. I imagined I felt her other hand come up and land softly on my scalp, and I imagined the feel of her small fingers as they ran through my hair.

"How's the store doing?" I asked in an unsteady voice. Charlie and I decided a few days ago that Bella worked too hard for her store to risk it now, and that even though she was…asleep, her business had to remain open. Alice, Rose and Esme were helping out with it.

"Business is well, I suppose. I...wanted to talk to you about that, actually," Alice whispered hesitantly. "I spoke to Charlie and Renee, and we were thinking of asking Gabby to take over…for now. It would give her something to do. She feels helpless, and that would at least give her something. I think…I think Bella would want that."

I snorted quietly. Of course Bella would want that. She'd already sacrificed so much, why stop at her store? I told myself it was only temporary; that Bella would wake up soon, that she'd take back her life, her store, her place next to me…

"That's fine," I murmured, turning my head and face into the bleach-scented sheets. The smell of her blood was torture, but in a completely different way than it used to be. "I'm sure she agrees with that decision. And I'm sure she doesn't want Gabby feeling guilty or useless."

Alice nodded, thinking about the way I talked about Bella as if she were aware. In her mind, I saw an image, a memory of herself in Bella's bookstore a few hours ago, standing pensively by the register.

_She was thinking of Bella and wondering why she hadn't 'seen' her before the accident. Yes, Bella was with Leah at first, which would've blocked Alice's vision of her, but Gabby had said that she and Bella ran off by themselves while Leah fought off Paul. Alice couldn't understand why she hadn't seen Bella then. Suddenly, Alice decided she had to find out the reason, because something told her that finding out that reason was somehow the key…_

_In the split second after Alice decided this, a different image appeared before her eyes. She suddenly saw herself in a wet forest, a jungle, with Jasper at her side. She runs through the thick brush, pushing away heavy vines. She seems to be looking for something, when abruptly, she stops. "There he is!" she yells, and rushes forward at full speed with Jasper just behind her. The vision fades…_

I picked my head up and looked directly at Alice. "What was that?" I asked.

"That's something else I wanted to talk to you about," she answered, looking down and playing nervously with her fingers. "I had that vision yesterday afternoon, at the store. I've been trying really hard to see Bella. But it's been getting me nowhere." She rubbed her temples. Being around Bella had gotten really painful for Alice; both physically and emotionally. I wondered if her misplaced guilt had anything to do with that.

She looked up and met my eyes. "But then, in that moment when I stopped trying to see her and just decided that _I_ needed to do something, _that_ vision came to me."

I frowned, confused.

"I did some research last night," Alice continued. "I'm pretty sure I was somewhere in South America, in…in the Amazon."

"Why would you be there?"

"I don't know. I have no idea what would take me there now." She drew in a deep breath and let it out in one long gust. "All I know is that as soon as I decided to find out why I couldn't see Bella, _that_ was where I found myself."

I looked away from Alice -back at Bella's quiet, peaceful face- and shook my head slowly.

"Alice, what difference does it make why you can't see her? It doesn't change anything; it won't bring her back-"

"Edward, I need to do this. I just feel like…like if I can figure out this puzzle then-"

"Then what?" I hissed, suddenly angry at Alice. "You'll figure out your puzzle, and I'll still have a decision to make. It won't turn back time, and it won't change the fact that Bella is brain-dead, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!"

Alice's gaze didn't waver. "I _have_ to go," she finally whispered.

I didn't answer right away. "Then go," I waved her off. "Go if you must, and look for the answers to _your _puzzle."

Alice ignored the hostility in my voice. "Jasper and I will be leaving tonight."

I shrugged.

"Can you just promise me one thing Edward?"

When she realized I wasn't going to answer, she continued. "Please, just promise me you won't…make any decisions until I return." _'Don't change her, not yet.'_

An image of Matthew Sanders crept into my mind, lying as still and peaceful as Bella was right now. He'd lasted three months before his body had finally given up. I didn't know how much time I had; I didn't even know yet what I was going to do with the time I did have.

"I can't promise you that Alice." I heard the hardness in my tone. "I don't know what will happen between now and then and…and I have to be ready…for anything."

She nodded sadly; already having known my answer. Taking one more deep breath, she said, "I'm going to read her a few more chapters, and then I'll be on my way."

I nodded, and Alice picked up Bella's copy of Romeo and Juliet, the one I'd given her just a few weeks ago, and continued where she'd left off yesterday.

"…**Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron. **

**Hold, take this letter; early in the morning**

**See though deliver it to my lord and father.**

**Give me the light: upon thy life, I charge thee,**

**Whate'er thou hear'st or seest, stand all aloof,**

**And do not interrupt me in my course.**

**Why I descend into this bed of death, **

**Is partly to behold my lady's face;**

**But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger**

**A precious ring, a ring that I must use**

**In dear employment: therefore hence, be gone:**

**But if thou, jealous, dost return to pry**

**In what I further shall intend to do,**

**By heaven, I will tear thee joint by joint**

**And strew this hungry churchyard with limbs:**

**The time and my intents are savage-wild,**

**More fierce and more inexorable far**

**Than empty tigers or the roaring sea."**

The next couple of days went by the same. I spent every possible moment with Bella. Gabby went to work at Eclipse, Bella's book store. Alice reached South America; she'd called Carlisle a couple of times and told him she was somewhere in Brazil, not sure what she was doing there, but determined to find out. The wolves and the rest of my family would stop by whenever they could. Rose took over the job of reading to Bella. She'd read softly to her, while I sat holding Bella's hand and Renee hummed to her and brushed her hair gently. Charlie just stared at her, unable to form any words aloud. But in his mind, his thoughts constantly circled around hundreds of memories of Bella; every single moment he'd spent with her since her birth. The first time he'd changed her diaper, the first time he'd fed her a bottle, the first time he'd taken her fishing, the first time he'd tried teaching her to play catch (he'd felt horrible when she'd missed a ball and it had given her a black eye. He gave up on catch after that). The day Renee moved away and took Bella with her; the first time she'd come to spend the summer with him after the divorce, the day she'd come to live with him, the day she'd told him she was going to stay with me…

'_The venom might work…'_

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take __**her**__ out of her misery then? Or will you curse Bella with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

The words constantly haunted me.

One night, while Charlie and I were alone in the room with Bella, his thoughts turned to the last couple of months. The anger he'd felt at my return, the protectiveness he'd felt towards Jacob, feeling that he was the better choice for Bella. I listened quietly to his thoughts while pretending to sleep in the fold-out sofa in the corner. He thought of the day a little over a week ago, when he'd come to our house for dinner. With some surprise, I saw how his attitude towards me had suddenly shifted that night. Not due to anything I'd done or said. But because the second he'd laid eyes on Bella upon his arrival to our house, he'd been struck by the realization that he hadn't seen her looking that glowing, that undeniably _happy_ since…since I'd left. And then the further realization he couldn't deny; he'd _never_ seen her that happy. At that moment he'd realized that if I could make his daughter that fulfilled_,_ he couldn't hate me anymore. Charlie could never hate anyone that made Bella that happy.

'_I'll do whatever it takes to bring that joy back to you my little Bells. Whatever it takes…'_

"Edward, I know you're not sleeping," Charlie said abruptly. "Might as well open your eyes and listen to what I have to say."

I debated for half a second whether to keep pretending. But Charlie was no fool; and I didn't want to treat him as one.

I opened my eyes and looked right at him. He cringed, but quickly composed himself. _'It's crazy, I know it is. But…'_

"I…I wanna start by saying thanks, for saving my Bella's life."

I stared at him blankly. For my family's sake, I had to at least try to pretend I didn't know what he meant.

"I didn't save Bella's life Charlie. The tree fell on Paul and-"

Charlie snorted, shaking his head. "Young man, I've been the Chief of Police for almost twenty years. Do you really think I'll buy a story with more holes in it than a piece of Swiss cheese?" _Kid thinks I'm stupid.'_

"Chief, I-"

He waved a hand in front of him. "Just…that's not my point anyway Edward." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand nervously. "I want you to know I've made a decision."

I remained still. I hadn't heard anything in his thoughts regarding any decision.

"I'm going to speak to Renee later on tonight and…" _'I know he loves her. I know he'll do whatever he can. He'll do what the doctors can't, what we can't…'_

"What are you saying Charlie?" I asked, needing him to clarify both his words and his thoughts.

Charlie drew in a deep breath. "I'm signing power of attorney over Bella over to you son."

My eyes grew wide.

'_I know this is the best I can do for her. I know it.'_

Charlie shifted his gaze towards Bella's sleeping form. "I know there's nothing else the doctors can do for Bella. All they can do now is keep her comfortable." He spoke in a whisper, and he put a hand up to her hair, stroking it gently while a solitary tear ran down his unshaven face. With sudden determination, he turned back to me, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"But you," he hissed, almost accusingly, "you've always been… different. There's always been something…strong about you. Some inner-confidence, like you knew nothing could ever touch you; nothing could break you."

'Except for your daughter,' I thought.

"You need to give my daughter that strength!" he demanded. "That power to fight back!"

I smiled cynically. "You have no idea what you're asking."

"I don't care! Whatever it is, I don't care! If it can save her, if it can bring her back-"

I shook my head impatiently. "Charlie, don't you think if there was something I could do, I would've done it already?"

Charlie didn't respond, but I could see the determination and hope still burning in his eyes.

"Don't you think if I could trade my life, my very soul, to see her out of this, it would've already been done?"

"I see it in your eyes Edward. I see in the way you look at her, like you're torn; like you're fighting some inner-battle with yourself. There _is_ something. Why won't you-"

I snorted. "What you're asking me to do for her," I began, in semi-disbelief that I was having this conversation with Charlie, "she could end up even worse off than she is now."

"What can be worse than this?" We were both silent for a long while. When he regained his voice, he said, "I know all parents probably say it, but in my heart, I _know_ it's true. Bella was meant for more than this. She was meant for something special. It's not her time yet. She has more to give the world." Silent tears streamed down his face. "Edward, if you and my daughter had gotten married-" - I cringed, his words twisting painfully in my heart - "I'm sorry Edward, I'm not trying to hurt you." Charlie cleared his throat. "But if you…if you'd had a child," – I closed my eyes at the onslaught of agony - "you'd understand why I'm doing this now." He swallowed thickly before turning to face me again. "You'd understand why I'm begging you, from one man to another, to do whatever is in your power to save my baby."

Charlie thought back to when Bella was a child, a toddler. Her chocolate eyes met his happily as he bounced her up and down on his knee; her long, dark hair swaying back and forth while her laughter filled the air. Strangely, even though I knew it wasn't a possibility, I suddenly found myself wondering what a child of Bella's and mine would have looked like. Would she have had Bella's eyes? My hair? Bella's unwavering kindness?

"A child," I murmured out loud, more to myself than to Charlie. I smiled. "She would've been beautiful."

"Yeah. She would've," Charlie agreed.

My forty-nine year old conversation with my own father came back to me again.

'_The venom might work…'_

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take __**her**__ out of her misery then? Or will you curse Bella with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

"You'd never see her again," I told Charlie in a flat voice. "Whether it…worked or not, you'd never see Bella again."

Charlie was silent for a few minutes. "I understand," he finally said in a trembling voice. "I know you don't like leaving her, but I'd like some time alone with my daughter…to say goodbye."

And even though I detested being away from her for even one second, I knew Charlie needed, _deserved_, his final goodbye with his daughter. Because that's what it would be; whether I decided to try…whether it worked or not…

Walking slowly, I glanced back once before walking out. The scene in front of me was my worst dream come true. I was living a nightmare, one which I had no idea how to wake from. For over one hundred years, I hadn't slept and so therefore, I knew, this was not a dream. This was my reality.

I walked out into the bright, white hallways of Forks' small hospital, closing Bella's door behind me and leaning up against it. I closed my eyes, trying to push away all the thoughts and sounds surrounding me, to clear my mind of everything so that I could concentrate on what Charlie had just said. But thinking had gotten so hard. As a vampire, I should've had no problem focusing on more than one thing at once, but all I could hear was the loud swooshing of the respirator beyond the door, the drip of the IV, the beeping of the monitor, the slow flow of blood...

"Son, I was coming to speak to you," Carlisle said in a low voice. I'd been so busy blocking everything out that I hadn't heard him approach.

Carlisle looked puzzled. I searched his mind. _'Why would Charlie sign over power of attorney to you?' _

"I just left the Chief of Staff's office. What's going on?"

I spoke in a voice too low and quick for human ears to pick up. "Charlie wants me to take her away."

'_Why?'_

I met his gaze. "He thinks I can save her."

Carlisle blinked. "Did you…"_'did you tell him about our kind?'_

"No. He suspects there's something…different about us, but he doesn't know what.

"Have you decided what you're going to do?" he murmured.

"I'm going to sign her out of Forks' Hospital."

'_And then?'_

"And then…" I repeated. I dropped my head into my hands, shaking it back and forth and willing the answer to come to me.

Carlisle put a comforting hand on my shoulder. When I looked up at him, he was watching me intently. "Son, you have to have faith. If Bella has taught you anything, it's this."

"How can I have faith when she's lying there like that?" I hissed.

Carlisle drew in a deep breath. He brought his other hand to my other shoulder, turning me towards him. "Edward, when Matthew Sanders was in the coma…when I returned that night, you looked like you'd wanted to say something to me." Carlisle pierced me with his gaze, forcing me to go back in time, to relive that night with him once again and to be honest with him, and with myself.

'_The venom might work…'_

'_And if it doesn't, will you have the strength to take __**her**__ out of her misery then? Or will you curse Bella with a never-ending existence of nothing?'_

"I was going to tell you…" I hesitated, shame joining the list of turbulent emotions that consumed me, "I was going to tell you to change him, to change Matthew."

Carlisle looked as if he'd been expecting this answer. Nonetheless, he asked, "Why?"

"Why?" I repeated.

"Yes. Why? Why did you change your mind about Matthew when you'd been so vehemently opposed to changing him before then?"

"Because..." I closed my eyes, remembering what I'd been feeling that night, what I'd been afraid to let myself feel now. "Because I realized that a chance at life, regardless of how small, was better than no chance at all."

Carlisle didn't answer, but his thoughts showed me that that's what he'd thought all along.

I straightened up and looked at my father, my conscience, my maker. "Father," - it was a word I rarely used with him - "I'm going to sign Bella out of the hospital, and then she and I are going to go away for a while. Please make sure no one comes looking for us."

Carlisle nodded.

As word spread that Bella and I would be leaving the following morning to pursue 'experimental treatments abroad,' everyone was allowed to come say goodbye. Most of them knew though, that either way, they would never see Bella again.

Renee's tears flowed freely as she looked down at her daughter one last time.

"I don't understand," she said, once again. "Why can't we come with her?"

Charlie answered stiffly. "Edward and Carlisle will be there with her. We'd just get in their way Renee."

Renee's shoulders shook with her quiet sobs. And although she asked the same question again a few more times, she didn't try to fight it. In her mind, she'd already lost Bella.

Late that night, I was alone once again with Bella. Renee and Charlie had left. Bella and I would be leaving once the cloudy day broke, and I was watching Bella's peaceful face, wondering why she looked so calm; why, even now, she seemed to possess the faith that I was having trouble rousing.

As I shifted to move a stray piece of hair from her face, I suddenly stopped. I listened carefully; for a split second I thought I'd heard something. I wasn't sure what; it was like a gentle whisper, a butterfly's soft flutter. I looked at Bella, but there was no sign of awareness from her, no movement, nothing that would've caused any…

A new sound from outside distracted me. The hospital door opened slowly, and Jacob Black's huge form came into view.

His steps were surprisingly light, considering his imposing frame. He gave me a slight nod before walking over to Bella. Keeping his eyes on her, he spoke to me.

"I would've come earlier, with Gabby, but there were things I needed to say…"

I nodded my understanding, even though he wasn't looking at me.

"So are you planning to…are you going to…" He couldn't finish his sentence out loud, but his thoughts were pretty clear.

"Yes."

He closed his eyes and shuddered slightly.

"Will it work?"

"The night I left her in La Push, when I went to find Sam, she promised me I'd never lose her again. I'm keeping her to that promise."

Jake didn't answer right away. His thoughts were all mixed up. He reached out and picked up one of Bella's hands. Still with his back to me, he said, "I know it's not something you want to hear, but I never thanked you. My father told me everything you did. And Gabby told me what happened in the forest that night. I need to thank you for that too. For saving them _both_."

Jacob turned to face me. He looked at me through mournful - though for once, not hostile - eyes. We were past that now. "I suppose we're even now."

'_Even?'_ I thought. The jealous, petty human in me wanted to remind him that he had his love; healthy and perfect. While mine…

But that wasn't what he'd really meant to say. Jacob hesitated, and then his words poured out all at once. "Take care of her Edward. And afterwards, tell her she was loved by so, so many. Remind her of what her human life was like. Help her keep her memories. Keep her humanity alive, for as long as possible."

Instead of answering, I stood up and walked over to the window, where the rain pattered insistently. I stayed there, listening to the sound of the drops falling like tiny pebbles. Jacob said his quiet goodbyes to the girl he'd loved, the one he'd once planned to marry, the girl he'd saved on more than one occasion; the girl that still made his heart ache, even if there was another now that that heart belonged to, another he slowly had to refocus as the center of his universe. But love _never_ ends…_that_ was another lesson Bella taught us both.

The sun followed its usual routine of hiding beneath the dark clouds on the morning when Bella and I left the hospital. Forks bid us farewell in the same manner it had greeted us; with grey skies and broken hearts.

Carlisle arranged for the necessary hospital equipment to accompany us, and the private jet we'd hired left the tarmac at Sea-Tac airport, although none of us were on it; instead, our private van made the familiar turn towards the secluded house in the woods.

Once Bella was settled in our bed - the machines set up in the space they would occupy for the next few hours - we gathered around her for the last family meeting in this house.

"We'll be leaving by nightfall," I announced, trying to ignore the hum of everyone's thoughts as I took my seat next to Bella.

Emmett stood by the door, unusually quiet. "So soon? Why do you need to go so soon?" _'Maybe she just needs some more time…'_

Like Esme, he didn't trust the venom, not enough, not when it came to Bella. They wanted to wait this out – whatever _this_ was – in the hopes that with time, maybe days, maybe hours, weeks, months, years…Bella would wake up on her own.

"I don't know how long she could remain like this before her body…gives up. I can't take that chance."

"But we'd be able to hear it before it happened, wouldn't we?" Esme asked. She'd been sitting quietly at Bella's other side. "We'd hear the fading strength of her pulse, the slowing of her heart…and then if we had to, then we could give the venom a try. But it's been less than two weeks," she pleaded. "Surely that's too soon to consider-"

"Esme, there are too many variables, too many unknowns."

But Esme wasn't ready to give up just yet. "What about Alice and Jasper? Alice might find something. We should at least wait until we speak to her one last time. I tried calling her but couldn't reach-"

I lowered my head in my hands. "Esme, I'm not waiting for Alice."

Emmett tried once again. "Just give it some more time. Her condition might still change."

"No Emmett."

"But Edward-"

"No."

"Edward-"

"Emmett, Esme, enough!" The plea, surprisingly, didn't come from my father, who'd been standing behind me. It came from the window, where Rosalie – staring at the approaching fog - had been leaning on one shoulder.

"But maybe it's not the right time-" Esme murmured.

Rosalie turned to face us. "When _is_ the right time to take away someone's life? It wasn't right when she was a young and healthy teenager, it wasn't right when she was with Jacob, it wasn't even right a couple of weeks ago, when she finally picked Edward." She angled her body back towards the window, staring at the heavy raindrops. "But this…thing between Edward and Bella stopped being about wrong and right a long time ago."

I recalled something Bella herself had said a few weeks ago, standing in the rain and trying to make me understand the same point.

_To me, our love was never a matter of right or wrong, it just was._

Summers nights in the Olympic mountains are cool and foggy, and so I bundled Bella up in warm blankets that night as we set out. The machines were left behind at the house, along with everything else. It would just be Bella and I up there. No ventilator, no IV, no cell phone.

Years ago, I used to carry Bella on my back as we ran through the forest. But this time, as we made our way through the foggy banks that had made their way inland overnight, traveling deeper and deeper into the steep range of mountains, I cradled Bella gently in my arms. And as the sun made its daily journey from the east, we followed it; leaving behind the fog banks and low clouds of the lower valleys and climbing higher towards the brighter and drier peaks. After a few hours, we came to a small clearing, scattered around with colorful wildflowers and soft, green grass.

I lowered myself down onto the green meadow, gently supporting Bella over my arms and legs. Looking around, my mind was overtaken with hundreds of memories of Bella and me. That first sighting of her in the lunchroom at Forks High, when my eyes first locked on her wide, chocolate eyes; the feeling of unimaginable thirst and desperation the first time I smelled her blood when she entered Biology class. Funny, how I'd first mistaken my deep fascination with her with abject horror. Our first trip up to our meadow, where we'd confessed our love for each other. So many moments. So many memories.

I don't know how long we were up in that small clearing on that mountain, with Bella silently cradled in my arms. Seconds moved like hours; hours like days. The only sounds were those of the insistent breeze billowing with more strength at this height; rustling through Bella's hair, the majestic eagle, braving my nearness and soaring through the sky half a mile away; Bella's quiet breathing. The only sign of time passing was the sun's second journey of the day, slowly moving west.

I ran a hand over her cheek, imagining that she was asleep, and that the cool touch of my hand would somehow rouse her from her deep slumber. I held on tight to her other hand.

"Bella love, I'm lost. I don't know what the right thing to do is. You've always been the one…to guide me, to show me right and wrong. I'm lost without you." I waited, hoping, praying for some response, for some sign, for a tightening around my hand.

"You promised me forever, but forever can take on so many different forms. I don't know if the forever we envisioned is possible, and I don't know if I have the right to try for it. Please Bella, give me some sort of sign. Guide me once again. Let go of the darkness and bring us both back to the light. Please Bella."

My voice cracked and, broken and alone, I lowered my forehead to hers, and let loose the tearless sobs that I'd been holding back.

In a strangled whisper, I repeated my plea, no longer aware if I was making it to Bella, or to some higher power above us, or what difference it made as long as it was heard.

"Please. Give me a sign. Give me a sign. Give me a sign."

A sound, different from the breeze, or from the birds flying in the distance, or the leaves rustling in the air, broke my prayers. At first, it sounded like the gentle humming of the wind, rising and falling in intonation with the force of the pressure behind it. I barely paid it any mind, relegating it to my peripheral senses, almost ignoring it altogether. I resumed my pleading, until…

Until some part of me, some deep recess of my mind, perceived that the notes of the song I'd assumed were part of nature were too precise, too musical, _too human_.

My head shot up at once. My eyes quickly scanned the meadow and the tree line beyond, trying to discern the direction the noise, _the voice_ was coming from. I inclined my head to the side, and my ears picked up the sound, the humming, from below, not beyond. Instinctively my head lowered back to Bella, but…

But it wasn't Bella's voice. I was _sure_ of it.

It made no sense. What…_who_ was I hearing? It was a sweet soprano voice, sweeter than any I'd ever heard, including Alice's. But there was no one else around...

Dear God, was I finally going mad?

My eyes moved to Bella's torso, lying still in my arms, and the sound, the humming, continued, and it brought my eyes, my ears, _all my senses_ to rest at one spot; Bella's midsection.

Before I allowed my mind to register the implications, the humming grew clearer. Now I could make out what I was hearing, or what I _thought_ I was hearing.

It was Bella's lullaby.

And then there _was_ another sound from beyond. This was the sound of feet running swiftly, swifter than any human or animal feet could move. And the thoughts invaded my mind almost at the same instant that I heard the quick footsteps.

'_Edward, please wait! Please! You have to see this! You won't believe it unless you see it. Unless you see him! Please! Wait!'_

This internal voice I recognized instantly. It was Alice, and through her eyes I could see Jasper running by her side, a look of desperation on his face. And all the while the humming continued…

And I was more lost and confused than ever. The humming appeared to grow louder, and I began to turn my attention back to it, back to Bella…

Jasper turned around, hissing "hurry!" and a young man with dark, luminous skin came into view, running just behind him and Alice. His strong legs were faster than a human's, but not as fast as Alice and Jasper. And when Jasper looked at his face, my eyes grew wide in shock. His eyes…his eyes were not the gold or red of our kind; they were black. Black and _completely human_.

Like a man waking from a nightmare, like a cloud being lifted from the sun, like the moon shining on a dark night, everything became clear at once.

Alice and Jasper broke through the trees. They stopped when they saw me with Bella. We stared at each other, frozen. Five seconds later, the young man - a young man I would've never in a million years believed could exist – stepped out from the tree line, watching me through uncertain, human eyes. All the while, the sweet, gentle humming continued.

And before anyone could move - before Alice could utter the thought that was so clear in her mind, before I could tell her that _I knew _- my world shifted once again, and a feeling of complete and utter peace invaded my entire being_, my very_ _soul._

Because almost imperceptibly, but without the shadow of a doubt, Bella's hand tightened around mine.

**Epilogue is up. You can go ahead and read it now.**


	31. Epilogue

**Epilogue - …To Light**

_I am a man who will fight for your honor;  
__I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of.  
__We'll live forever, knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love_. – **Glory of Love, Chicago**.

* * *

**EPOV**

The waiting was the hardest part; the frustration of not knowing when she'd wake, for it wasn't something Alice could predict. It was enough to drive me crazy. There was so much I had planned for us, so much left for us to do. But until she woke, it would all have to wait. And I would sit here silently, waiting for her to open her eyes.

I stared at her sleeping form. God, she was beautiful. The gleaming sunlight played with her long, dark hair, sending prismatic rays of light shimmering through every strand. Her big, inquisitive eyes were shut tightly in her slumber, depriving me of her deep, chocolate orbs, always so full of questions and excitement. Her soft, creamy skin would never be as pale as mine. It looked so smooth and warm, and I longed to caress her cheek softly. But I didn't want to disturb her. Not yet. I'd been warned to let her wake on her own, without any prodding from me. And I didn't dare cross the source of the warning.

At that moment, Alice stepped into the grassy clearing. She scowled when she saw my uplifted hand.

"Edward, weren't you warned to leave her alone?" she hissed. "She'll wake when she's good and ready!"

I sighed. "How much longer must I wait? I don't think I have the patience." I moved my eyes back to the sleeping angel before me.

"Well, you'd better find the patience," called another musical voice from just behind Alice. "Haven't we talked about this Edward?"

I didn't have to look to know who the voice belonged to. I'd recognize it anywhere. Sighing in mock defeat, I raised my eyes. Alice's beautiful sister was less forgiving in these instances than Alice was.

Just then, a gentle stirring called all out attention back towards the dreaming form before us. My heart contracted in anticipation of having her eyes meet mine. She opened her eyes slowly and when she saw me, the wide smile that graced her mouth and the uncontrolled joy in her eyes took my breath away.

"See? I told you she'd wake up on her own time," Alice admonished.

Her sister pursed her lips, her gold eyes flashing in mock reproach. "See what you did Edward? It wasn't time for her to wake yet."

But faster than I could've imagined, my angel flung herself into my arms, hugging me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her gently. She moved her hands to cup my face, and in her own unique, wondrous way, she said,

'Daddy, I took an afternoon nap like mommy said. Can we go hunting now?'

My full heart felt as if it would surely overflow.

"You'll have to ask her, Renesmee sweetheart. I think she might be a bit upset at me for cutting your nap short." My eyes moved sheepishly to my wife, the beautiful, wondrous woman I'd been blessed with.

Bella walked out from behind Alice and moved towards our daughter and me. Her mouth was set in a disapproving smirk, but the sparkle in her tawny eyes let me know I'd been forgiven instantly.

Bella put one arm through mine and lifted the other to caress our daughter's long, bronze hair. "Are you sure you want to hunt this afternoon Renesmee? How about some apple sauce and milk instead?" she asked softly.

Renesmee's face scrunched up into a small scowl, and she shook her head decisively, sending red and brown ringlets waving about her porcelain face. She put her small hands on her mother's face, and I could see she was showing her how much the idea of human food repulsed her. I smirked. I couldn't say I blamed our half-human, half-vampire daughter. I'd take a nice warm, juicy elk over a bland bowl of mashed up apples and sour smelling milk any day.

Those few weeks after we figured out Bella had our child within her were…excruciating. Bella never woke from the coma. And apart from the one squeeze she'd given my hand up on that meadow, she never again gave any outward sign of awareness. But the child…_our daughter_…she was a different story…

Our daughter hummed Bella's lullaby that morning on the mountain, the tune her mother hummed to her in utero. And when I placed my hands on Bella's stomach, for the first time noting the slight bulge beginning to form – a bulge I was sure hadn't been there the day before - I _saw_ what the child was seeing, the images Bella was showing her. Our times spent in the meadow, our first summer together, the time we spent fixing up her store, Charlie, Renee, Jake, Gabby, our vampire family…

If possible, I would've cried a river of tears at that moment. Forsaking that possibility, I cradled Bella in my arms and kissed her forehead over and over.

Alice's voice had reminded me of her presence, along with Jasper and the strange young man they'd brought back with them. He was obviously more than human, but not quite a full vampire.

"That's why I couldn't see her," Alice whispered that morning. She walked slowly towards me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I can see vampires because I am one. I can see humans because I used to be one. But half-breeds…this child inside Bella…Bella's wrapped her whole life around it. It's why I haven't been able to see her. It's part of her as much as it is part of you."

She turned towards the young man she'd brought with her. He stood quietly off to one side, with Jasper. Jasper nodded at him, indicating he should begin his story.

"My name is Nahuel," he began. His voice had a slight accent. "I live in the jungles of the Brazilian Amazon. My father is a vampire. My mother was human."

Nahuel proceeded to tell the story of his birth. It wasn't a pleasant story. His father, a vampire, impregnated his human mother. Abandoned, his mother had no idea the child growing inside her would grow stronger than her, and at an unbelievably accelerated rate. At full term, Nahuel bit his way out of his mother's womb. She died hours later.

Horrified by the story, I felt the world starting to cave in on me once again.

"Edward, wait!" Alice demanded, seeing the terror on my face. "There's more. Nahuel has two sisters from two other human women his father incubated."

Alice told me that Nahuel's eldest sister's birth progressed much the same way his did. But apparently, finally finding someone he considered his true mate, Nahuel's father stayed with the youngest sister's mother throughout her short pregnancy.

"When my father believed my sister was developed enough to survive birth, he used his teeth to tear through the vampire membrane she was contained in. My youngest sister was born, and my father performed the transformation on her mother right away."

This story did little to ease me. In fact, it had repulsed me even more.

"So what are you all suggesting I do?" I hissed, holding Bella tighter to me. "Use Bella as a temporary incubator until the child is strong enough to be born, and then mutilate her with my own teeth?" I shuddered at the picture my mind conjured. "I don't even know…I'm sure Bella never imagined such a birth…how could I do something like that to her?"

It was agonizing, knowing I was so close to having the woman I loved back. Because I was convinced now that the venom would, indeed, save her. She was still there. Her interactions with our child was proof. _And she'd squeezed my hand._

But if I saved her now…if I transformed her now, her body would change. Her reproductive system would no longer function the way a normal, pregnant human woman's would. The child…would not survive.

And I _wanted_ the child. Already, I loved it more than my own life. As it continued its sweet lullaby, made even sweeter by the soft, musical voice humming it, I ached to know her, to hold her in my arms and tell her daddy would always be here for her. Daddy would always protect her. But at Bella's peril?

"She's so weak right now," I murmured, caressing Bella's face softly.

"Edward, listen to what I'm about to say carefully," Alice pleaded quietly. "Don't pick the words out of my head." She drew in a deep breath. "There may be a way to strengthen Bella, enough so that she can carry the child safely."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "What are you talking about?"

It was Nahuel who answered. "What sort of nourishment has your mate been receiving through her pregnancy?"

"She's in a coma," I responded, in case it wasn't obvious. "We had no idea she was carrying…she's been given vitamins and lipids through a feeding tube. Why?"

Jasper, who'd been silent so far, said, "Edward, the child is half-vampire. Can't you guess what sort of nutrition it requires?"

My eyes grew wide. "Blood?"

Nahuel explained how his mother had survived on a diet of animal blood during her entire pregnancy. And the mother of his youngest sister, with both human and animal blood.

"But how…I _can't_…" The idea was so revolting I couldn't even finish my sentence. _To feed Bella blood!_

"It may not bring her out of the coma, but it may make her stronger. Strong enough." Jasper added.

And again, as I'd prayed before Alice and the rest even arrived, I wished Bella would open her eyes and tell me what the right thing to do was. I couldn't make such a decision without her.

And once again, as if in answer to my prayers, the child's humming grew louder. Instinctively, I placed a hand on Bella's stomach, meaning to soothe, and once again I was bombarded with images from the incredibly advanced fetus. Images of Bella and I walking through the forest, a small little girl running ahead of us; her long, bronze hair waving in the breeze and the sound of her laughter reaching us as she turned and dazzled us with her beautiful smile.

But these images weren't memories. These were Bella's dreams. Bella was somehow sharing her dreams, her deepest desires, with our child.

She'd dreamt of our child. Somehow, she'd known. And she wanted this. She wanted our family.

So yes, those few weeks were difficult beyond words. We took Bella home. Nahuel came to stay with us to show us how to care for her. The blood…

As Nahuel had said, the blood made her stronger. She remained unconscious, but her pulse quickened, her heart beat quickened to the strength of what it had been before her injuries, and within a day she no longer needed any machines to help her. Her midsection grew at an unbelievable rate. Within a week Bella appeared to be in her last trimester.

And through it all, the child communicated in her own way. She seemed to understand my words, and tried to the best of her abilities to stay as still as possible, so as not to hurt her mother too much.

But the day came when she could no longer stay still, and with Carlisle and Nahuel's help, I did the impossible. I begged Bella to forgive me through the whole ordeal, and as soon as the child was out, I placed one quick kiss on her forehead and handed her to her grandfather, and then…then I did the one thing I'd sworn years ago I would never do to Bella. Quickly, I lowered my mouth to her neck, but before I pierced the skin, I paused one last time. Her blood pulsed wildly in her veins, and then I looked up into her closed eyes.

"Forever Bella. I'll love you forever."

Her blood was unimaginably sweet, but I gave myself no time to savor it. Bella's blood was no longer what called to me. It was her soul. I needed her soul to survive as much as she did. Working quickly, I delivered my venom into her system at different points throughout her body, hoping it would speed up the transformation, and lessen the time she'd have to spend in unimaginable agony.

She awoke three days later, with no memory of the pain, but other things, she remembered immediately.

"Edward, where's our daughter?" were the first words off her lips.

"Renesmee is well. She's with her grandmother." I'd given in to Jasper's urgings that Renesmee wait downstairs until we determined how controlled Bella would be as a newborn.

Bella closed her eyes and sighed with relief. She opened them back up quickly. "Renesmee. How did you know…"

I smiled. "She told me. She told me that's what you'd named her. Renesmee Carlie Cullen."

"She told you? How…?"

And then, after determining that like everything else about Bella, her control as a newborn was completely unexpected, mother and child finally met outside of the womb. Once Renesmee placed her hands on Bella's face, she understood what I meant when I told her Renesmee had told me. Our family, a family I'd never in over one hundred years imagined I'd ever have, was complete.

But there were still difficult times.

Bella missed her parents. She'd never had a chance to say goodbye. But while she'd accepted her separation from Renee a bit easier, she ached for Charlie.

We waited one day, Bella and I, hidden in the trees surrounding the small, white house she'd shared with her father for so many years.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked.

Bella smiled up at me nervously. Her pupils were still a bit red, the blood hadn't entirely left her system yet. It made her self-conscious, but I assured her they'd be as gold as mine before long.

"It's my way of saying goodbye to him Edward. And of letting him know I'm okay. More than okay."

I pulled her in and kissed her tenderly, amazed at how warm her lips still felt to me. And now there was no longer any fear. Only pleasure and happiness as our lips met and tongues intertwined, sending wonderful bursts of heat radiating through my entire body. She pulled me in closer with her strong, slender arms and I almost forgot where we were, until the sound of a car's engine over a mile away broke us away from each other.

Charlie stepped out of his police cruiser; home after a long day at work. His face looked tired when he stepped into view, and I hesitated whether I should tell Bella today had been a particularly hard day for him. He still missed Bella terribly.

With slow, haggard movements, Charlie opened his mailbox, flipping through the pile of bills and junk mail as he made his way up to the front door. His footsteps suddenly stilled as he came across an unmarked, white envelope. He paused, looking all around him before bringing his eyes back to the white envelope. For a few minutes, he just stood there, holding the envelope.

He tore the side of the envelope; I squeezed Bella's hand and gave her an encouraging smile. She saw me through her periphery but kept her eyes trained on her father.

When Charlie pulled out the solitary object in the envelope, he gasped, and his eyes automatically filled with tears we could see from over here. For a long time, he just stared at the picture, the tears he'd been fighting falling freely down his unshaven face. Only one word ran through his mind.

'_Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.'_

I thought back to that final night Charlie and I spent in the hospital together, keeping vigil over a comatose Bella.

'_If you'd had a child,'_ he'd said to me, '_you'd understand why I'm doing this now.'_

'_A child,'_ I'd answered, with no hope that that would ever be the case. Nevertheless, as part of Bella, even then I was sure, _'She would've been beautiful.'_

'_Yeah, she would've,'_ Charlie had agreed.

Charlie finally smiled through his tears. He swallowed thickly and slowly turned the picture of his granddaughter over. In her carefree handwriting, Bella had written out 'Renesmee Carlie' on the back of the picture.

"Renesmee Carlie," Charlie murmured to himself.

"Do you think he knows where the 'Carlie' comes from?" Bell asked in an anxious voice, without turning to me.

I took a deep breath before answering her. "You're father knows a lot more than he says. I'm pretty sure he's figured it out."

At that moment, Charlie looked up, his eyes coming to rest almost exactly where Bella and I sat perched on a tree over a mile away. And although there was no way he could see us, he smiled_._

"She looks just like you Bells," he whispered into the air. Bella gasped. She squeezed my hand so tightly it felt as if it would break off. But I let her. There was nothing I would ever deny her.

"Be happy. Be safe," he murmured quietly. He looked back down at the picture of our daughter, and after giving it a kiss, placed it back in the envelope and walked quietly into his house.

So many milestones were reached, so many memories created that I thought I'd never have.

The day I was finally able to call Bella my wife, a couple of months after Renesmee's birth, I paced anxiously up and down my bedroom floor. I pulled at the dark tie Alice had fastened around my neck, and ran my hand through my hair, much to Alice's chagrin.

"Damn it Edward! I just finished gelling you up! Now you're hair's its usual mess!"

I smiled crookedly. "So what? Bella would've messed it up anyway."

"Wait a minute!" Emmett choked. "Did you just make a veiled sexual innuendo regarding you and Bella's love life?"

I laughed.

"Woo hoo! Eddie Boy! You are going to be so much more fun to live with now!" Emmett chortled.

"Yes, well. Just because I may make occasional innuendos doesn't give you permission to do so."

Emmett scowled. "Well, not in front of Bella anyway."

"That's right. Unless you want your ass handed to you on a silver platter again," I reminded him. We all laughed this time, and Emmett's scowl widened.

"That's just because she's a newborn. Let's see who beats who at arm-wrestling next year," he growled.

Jasper walked in then and announced, "They're here." I stiffened, unsure if I was ready for this.

I walked out to the front of the house to meet the guests to our wedding. The only guests besides our immediate family.

Jacob and Gabby approached us slowly, hand in hand.

'_Oh, look at him,'_ Gabby thought. _'He looks so radiant. So happy. I can't wait to see Bella!'_

Jacob sighed internally. _'Well, here goes nothing.'_

Apparently, he and I were on the same wave-length for once.

I smiled softly at Gabby. "Gabby. How are you?" I asked. She smiled back and hugged me warmly, planting a friendly kiss on my cheek.

"Edward! You look great. Thanks for inviting us! Where's Bella? And where's the baby? I can't wait to meet her!"

I laughed. "Bella is inside with my mother, getting ready. And Renesmee is with Rosalie."

Gabby looked from me to Jake. "Well, I'll let you two catch up. I'm going to go inside and find Bella and the baby."

"Let me know if Rose gives you a hard time," I called out to Gabby, who was running inside impatiently. "She's a little…overprotective with her niece."

"I'm sure we'll be fine," Gabby laughed, before disappearing into the house.

As Jacob's imprintee, as well as his future wife, Gabby was aware of everything. There were no secrets between them. The night of the accident, Alice had explained to her everything her own eyes had shown her, but hadn't been able to make sense of. And once Jacob had woken, he'd explained the rest.

The night of Renesmee's birth, I'd called Jacob and told him everything. He was quiet for a while. I thought he was going to rip into me for allowing Bella to go through something so horrible.

"Bella would've never forgiven you if you'd done it any other way," he finally said. Jacob, who'd cared for Bella for so long. Who'd risked his life for her time and time again. Who knew her like the back of his hand, and who I knew still loved her, in his own way. And knowing that, it was his words more than anyone else's up to that point, that had helped me feel as if everything would be alright.

"Jacob, I'm glad you were able to come," I said to him now, putting a hand out to him.

Jacob looked down at my hand and slowly, met it with his own.

"Well, I figured a wedding's as good a place as any to say goodbye to the past, and embrace the future."

"That it is, old friend. That it is," I agreed.

The wedding…the wedding was too beautiful, too indescribable for words. Afterwards, as we all celebrated outside in the garden Alice and Esme had decorated with candles and flowers. And with the champagne Alice had bought that only Gabby and Jacob would consume, we toasted to old friends, bright futures, and new beginnings.

Bella couldn't bear to leave Renesmee for our honeymoon. She was still too new, too unbelievable to behold, and I understood Bella's feelings. It was a while before I was able to stop fearing that both she and our daughter would disappear if I turned my eyes away from them for too long. So we postponed a honeymoon, until Renesmee was a bit older at least. But that didn't mean we postponed _our_ celebrating…

This new, strong, unbreakable Bella was…remarkable, to say the least. She was tireless, she was imaginative, she was mind-blowing. She was insatiable…

And I was _not_ complaining.

We spent hours exploring each other's bodies, finding new and different ways to please each other. She fit me perfectly, like a missing piece of a puzzle. The nights…the nights were the best part. Our sweet little, half-human daughter needed sleep, like any other child. And the nights were long…

"Will I ever get tired of this?" Bella asked one night, lying in my arms spent, or as spent as she could be. Insatiable. "Will there ever come a time when I look at you and not want you, like this?"

"I hope not," I chuckled.

She turned and laid her head on my bare chest. "I'm serious."

"So am I." I ran my hand down her bare back, smiling when I felt her shiver. I knew it wasn't from the iciness of my hand anymore. "Maybe in a thousand years," I teased.

She turned over, until she was over me, her hands lost in my hair. She lowered her head and our lips met, instantly making me anxious for more than just a kiss.

"A thousand years from now, my love for you will have grown a thousand years stronger," she whispered. She moved her lips across my jaw, trailing down my neck, and across my chest. "A thousand years from now, we'll look back at what it took for us to get here, and still be grateful that we were both able to find the faith in each other, in our love, to survive."

I wasn't sure if it was the vibrations of her words so close to my heart, or just the words themselves, that sent such a pleasant chill down my spine.

I grabbed her face in my hands and brought it back up to my lips, kissing her softly. "And we'll always know that every decision we made, we made for love."

"I love you forever Edward Anthony Cullen."

"As I love you, Isabella Marie Cullen." I'd never in a million years tire of calling her that.

She moved her hands down my arms, caressing my chest, down my torso, making me shudder. My own hands roamed freely over her body, feeling her soft hips under my hands, and unafraid to pull her in closer, unafraid to hurt her anymore. She lowered herself to me fully, and any other thoughts I may have been contemplating soon left me as her warmth pressed up against me, and we took up where we'd left off just a few minutes ago…

Bella's voice, back at the clearing, broke me out of my errant thoughts.

"Well, since your daddy woke you up anyway, I suppose we can all go for a hunt." Renesmee clapped her hands happily and jumped out of my arms.

"Come on Nessie," Alice called out, calling her by the name Jacob had coined for her. Bella groaned; she hated that nickname for our daughter. "I'll race you!" Alice challenged Renesmee playfully. Ness took off running, and Alice took off after her, at a much slower pace than her normal one.

Bella and I walked hand in hand after them. Suddenly, she turned to me, and with a twinkle in her eye and a challenging look, she said, "Race you?"

I laughed at the fact that all these months later, and despite the fact that she was undeniably stronger than me right now, it irked her that I was still faster.

"I'll give you a head start," I grinned.

She scowled, but took the head start.

And as she ran off into the forest, behind Alice and our daughter, I stood there, marveling at all my blessings. A year ago, my life was torture. I was a broken man; a faithless monster. I held no hope for anything beyond a life filled with loneliness and bitterness.

One cold day in the woods, I'd uttered eight mindless, impossible words, and abandoned my hope and my faith. I'd promised Bella a normal, human life. A life filled with joy, family and love; things I'd been sure that day that I'd never be able to give her.

But it was hope that brought me back to her. It was love that restored her faith in me, and thereby my faith in myself. In my ability to be more than a monster, to be the man that she needed; that both she, and now our daughter, deserved.

I snorted. "It will be as if I never existed," I murmured, remembering the words. How opposite the truth turned out to be. I existed now as I'd never existed before. And Bella would always be with me, as well as Renesmee. I ran into the forest, after my family. Together, we'd all exist in our own world, a world restored through faith, hope and love.

* * *

**A/N: This has been such a great experience for me. I'm feeling both happy and sad right now. Happy because the story is complete. And sad for the same reason.**

**I want to thank so many people.**

**First, my wonderful Betas, without who this story would be half of what it turned out to be. They've caught grammatical errors, mixed up story lines, and all sorts of blunders.**

**Danna0724 beta'd this last chapter and epilogue after being up for like 48 hours or something, driving half-way around the country and back in like, a tornado or monsoon, and then almost throwing down at an airport. That's dedication.**

**ADGroovy is eight and a half months pregnant with her second child, trying to get a nursery together and making sure she's got everything ready for her new arrival, yet still turned this around superquick. **

**I love you both girlies. **

**And then there are those reviewers that reviewed almost every single chapter. Eyes of Topaz, Saritadreaming, 8papillons, Missypooh, BettyBarchetta, , Vanilfrappe, and so many more of you. Please don't get mad if I didn't list you here. I haven't forgotten you. Know that all your reviews have been special to me and I treasure every single one of you!**

**Hope to hear from you guys some more. I've got a couple of other stories still going, and believe it or not, while watching a music video the other day I got an idea for a new story. (I know, I'm sick)! Make sure you've got me on story and author alert if you want to see that.**

**And yes, we made it past 1000 reviews. What does that mean? Well, it means some of you will be reading some happy times by the river between E & B sometime in the near future. Again, make sure you've got me on story and author alert if you want to see that.**

**Love you all! Smooches!**

**Patty**


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